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I can imagine how painful this must be for you. It would break my heart to hear that. I don't know that it helps a lot, but be aware that many people with dementia want to "go home" all the time. That doesn't mean they aren't where they need to be, or that going home is possible or even that they literally want to go home. My husband kept begging to go home. It was not possible to bring him home because that is exactly where he was -- at home, with me, with all our familiar possessions and personal pictures, etc. As heart breaking as it is, we can't always give our loved ones with dementia what they say they want.

Can you visit your mom often? Can you hug her and hold her hand and just be with her? Does she have familiar items, pictures, etc. in her room? Can you bring her something cuddly, like an afghan or a teddy bear or a pretty pillow, and tell her when she needs a hug from you and you can't be there she can hug this? Then on the phone you can say Mom, I love you. Please hug the bear for me.

Would she like getting a cute little card in the mail from you each day?

You don't have the responsibility of her daily care, so you can focus your energy on helping her feel loved and not alone, through visits, phone calls, and cards.

The one thing we can't do as caregivers is the one thing they really want above all else -- we can't make the dementia go away. That is very, very painful.

Hugs to you.

and her babble ,and how overmedicated she is-
i just cant stand it-she has diabetes,when i asked what her b/s has been
first they said oh is fine-i said
what has it been how often is it taken
their answer was 2 -twice a day
on tuesdays---i couldnt believe it
what about the rest of the week
nope only on tuesdays
that really made me feel like she was in the right place-
i have and do ,when i visit-we hug and hold eachother,kiss a million times,hold hands,touch her hair,face,
love her up-always say i love u and she says same to me.she has some familiar things on the walls, but she cant see that far-i have brought her a bear i got her a few years ago
it is a vermont fairy bear-with wings, a fairy dress, sparkle- and a bear in a pink running suit- that is easier to cuddle-
and yes i just made her an Afghan and gave it to her about 3 weeks ago-she loves it-
when i do call- i always say no matter where we are- she is always in my heart and i will be in hers-
we always say that
maybe i will start sending a card daily- although i dont know if she will get it-
i hate this whole thing-this disease is the worst
on everyone-
i miss my mom
sometimes i cant stop crying-
im such an emotional idiot sometimes-i dont know what or howt to deal with this,
most of the time.

and sometimes just need to complain, be angry at everyone,
i thank u for your post
i feel like u heard me
and that is a good feeling when u feel all alone.
love and huggs back to u

K, you are a loving daughter. A very bad thing has happened in your life. It is normal to feel bad about it. It is OK to cry about it. Feeling angry seems appropriate, but I can never find a target for my anger, except the disease. I hate dementia! If your bad feelings are overwhelming and stopping you from functioning, don't hesitate to see a counselor or therapist. You are not crazy and you don't need to be "fixed." But you are hurting. Come here to vent. That helps. If it is not enough, join a local support group or find a professional to help you. You deserve it!

Is your mother on insulin? What kind of diabetic medications is she on? Do you know what her last A1c test result was? I just ask because these things make a diference in deciding how often to do a finger prick. The NH practice seems to bother you. Maybe we can do a reality check on whether that is bothersome or not. How often did Mom check her bs at home? What did she do about the results? Does she get some exercise in this NH? Have you been there at mealtimes? What is the food like? Is Mom overweight? Is her weight stable? I know discussing her diabetes isn't the main issue, and resolving your concern won't take away the pain of her being away from you and especially of her dementia. But it might easy your mind a little.

Hang in there! You are doing things right.

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