Handling people who TALK A LOT.

Oh my gosh, absolutely! Sometimes I wonder if they are trying to squeeze in every last detail into the time that is left on this earth. Can be overwhelming. My husband's grandmother talked excessively and for the most part I'd tune it out but at times it was so funny that I considered it to be free entertainment! My secret desire was to become a stand up comic because I had loads and loads of material!

Maybe you're right. Lots to squeeze in while you have the time, I suppose. Still, it just seems like it would take so much energy out of them. I think some people love the sound of their own voice. lol

My mother talks constantly, whether it's complaining about her aches and pains, yelling at her audio book or the TV, bending my ear every time I walk in the room, or just carrying on conversations with herself.

I once asked her why she talks to herself all the time. Her answer? "I need to hear myself talking so I'll know that I'm still alive."

😳

True, SunnyGirl. I also can't stand people like so, Sunnygirl. People that use five, six sentences to say what they could say in one, Sunnygirl, and they just can't keep their mouth shut, SunnyGirl. But, you know, Sunnygirl, there's an even more annoying kind, Sunnygirl, the ones that manage to talk non stop and put your name in every phrase, you know the kind, SunnyGirl.

My mother has a worse habit. When she is not talking, she turn to us and demands: "say something! talk to me!" I don't know about you, but I find impossible to produce a subject like so, in the fly.

Some say it's a matter of personality. I am ok with being in silence with someone for hours, but that's not for everyone.

Mega-talkers drive me nuts. The fast ones. The slow ones.

And (thank you, coyote) the ones who string together 6 sentences to deliver 1 sentence’s worth of info.

And.

Most mega-talkers have the co-morbidity of being terrible listeners.

The Most Egregious ChatBot in my life takes way too long to make her point. Then makes it again 2x or 3x or 4x.

She has notoriously poor recall of her talk tornados.

And - not surprising, I guess - my contribution to the convo rarely registers with her.

So......

During our next encounter or phone call, our older overblown convos are frequently recapped, repeated or semi-repeated. AAARGH.

I have gone low-contact. It’s a zero-sum game.

I struggle with feeling that I should be more available to her. Because....

My Most Egregious ChatBot is a lifelong relative. (My only relative, at this stage of my life.)

Unlike so many, my Most Egregious ChatBot does mean well. She just can’t see beyond the end of her own nose. And goes Off The Rails when she has an audience.

And “goes turbo” with me. Because one of her fave topics is The Rampant Pain, Abuse & Addiction In Our Family: Early 1900s To Present.

Touche’ - I’m her only relative, too. So every once in a while, I indulge My Most Egregious ChatBot.

It it takes a lot out of me.

BlackHole, my sis is one of those - I try to take the time to listen because she doesn't really have anyone else. Speaker phone is my secret weapon, I can keep myself busy on line or around the house and still hear and grunt an occasional reply.

Yes, it made me very uneasy when mom was hyper-talking. (Maybe it was a side effect of her pain meds). She would get angry when I tried to watch tv or read to her instead. Often, she was speaking critically of other residents, which I didn't want to hear. Toward the end of her life, she was much calmer & reasonable. (The last 2 months were the only good months for me). It helps that we didn't have to bicker up until her last day. Thank God for that.

My aunt was a recovering alcoholic and used to talk a lot. My nephew suggested sending her to another 12 step program, on and on and on Anon

I have a friend and sister that could talk for 8 hours. They don’t care who they talk to and will tell anybody anything. It didn’t use to bother me but now that I’m 64, I want to yell, don’t you ever shut up. They have to be the center of attention all the time.

I am a senior, one of my friends is the same age 72. She never shuts up, she talks just to talk. I have heard the same stories over and over again, and, she is very hard to cut off. I finally have to say, "I've got to go" and I just hang up, you would think that she would get the message...Nope! Drives me nuts!

Dolly my grandmother had a friend like that, her strategy to get off the phone was to ring her own doorbell - "oops, I've got company!" LOL

cwillie, I have done that too, it does work, but she just doesn't get it. I have often thought that it had something to do with her background. She was raised in a small southern town, they would sit around the table or on the porch and talk, that was all there was to do, it was their way to socialize. She also talks her granddaughters ears off (they live together), the granddaughter pretends she is sleeping just to have some peace.

My live in FIL talks all the time. When he hears us up in the morning he comes out to talk, he talks and talks through dinner often repeating stories. Any conversation reverts back to him. He’s the expert on everything. He can’t read body language and cannot tell when people are not interested in his long long discussions. Very self centered but what are you going to do? He’s 85 and getting older. I try to be patient and when it’s too much I try to go hide in my room. Sometimes it’s harder to deal with than other times.

I love this thread. I suddenly feel not so alone. My husbands nephew never talks and he is married to a chatterbox.
Her habit is to say, “you know what I mean”, Over and over. We all try to never ask a question because then we will really get an ear full. She’s so bad that my aunt, 92 with dementia, will leave the room to get away from it. Her MIL, my DH, sister says that she has “ a lot of information”. I tried to talk to her about it once and it hurt her feelings. She is a very nice person but oh my can she talk. She’s only about 50. I’ve known her for 30 yrs and she has always been this way. So not an old person thing. From this thread I guess it’s not as unusual as I thought.

Do you all live with my FIL? He is blind and doesn't socialize much and wants to talk about absolutely nothing!!! He regurgitates the news that he listens to all day. and when he starts a sentence with "so, what do you think about......", we know it's time to run for the hills! He doesn't see our body language or the fact that we are engaged in some other activity. Unfortunately, my kids will walk out of the room and he just keeps talking to them!

Some nice ways to respond:
"that's interesting, but I've got to do XYZ right now, can you tell me about it later?"
"I just have 5 minutes, then i have to XYZ".

Some other ways to respond:
"sorry, I don't engage in gossiping"
"that's not a subject that I'm interested in"
"you know I don't talk about politics (religion or whatever)"

Other times, you're just stuck listening!

Wait........laughing at all these posts! I never had this problem with my parents, but just spent a weekend with my 10 year old grandson. He didn’t speak until he was three and has been making up for lost time ever since! I must say that we do have some very illuminating conversations, but a three hour car trip with him makes my head spin! What’s even funnier is that he talks in his sleep. When he spends the night, sometimes I can hear him talking to himself. And often, he laughs out loud in his sleep! He must have the best dreams!

I'm a talker. And aware that it's annoying as all get out to some people.

But...when I am quiet, everyone thinks I am mad, so I can't win....

My grandmother was a talker and wow, she had some stories! I LOVED spending time with her, and in fact 25 years after she's been gone, I still think to pick up the phone and call her---and my other grandma too. I spoke to or saw each of them every week. As my own mom is not interested in anything but herself, spending time with her is a joke, I am just so glad I had these other 2 wonderful women in my life. I felt like God was making up to me for the lack of 'mothering'.

As the grandma to 14 chatterboxes, all I can say is the best gift you can give them is to listen and listen and be there for them. The tweens are already starting to give us attitude and they'll talk to me but not to their own moms. I hope to be close to them in the way they need.

Sadly, some people are very silent and talking to them is actually painful--but as one neighbor said to me recently "I love to hear your antics and stories" so maybe being a chatterbox isn't the worst thing in the world.

My mom talks constantly too. She lives with us, she tells the same stories over and over and over. I walk out of the room she keeps talking to me. She also tells a story by by lining everything that was said... “I said xyz then she said abc” and on and on. Constant complaints about Everything! Her Doctor is an idiot, the people on TV are all crazy, the weatherman cannot get the weather right... it can make me crazy! I told her I cannot talk ALL day.. only an hour or so then I go outside or to another room for “down” time. It’s bad!!
You all are not alone.. we should exchange phone numbers for our elders maybe they could talk on the phone to each other.. LOL 😆 💗