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As another yr goes by MIL is beginning to complain more and grip no one visits her, etc. MIL even had conversation recently on phone with husband and told him " He dosnt want to talk to her" he was like hu? she hung up. Talk about manipulative. MIL also threatened to get rid of her cell phone in summer as stated" NO ONE CALLS HER " she dosnt know why she has a phone?..... As holidays are around the corner she is making her kids and affects the spouses how MIL is begining to complain and make her 2 children that live several hours away guilty. IT is a broken record. my husband and I son lives near by and she even calls him numerous times when she gets in her mode. Our son is pretty respectful and return her call if he is not busy with a new gal friend. Last yr. I called out to my husband I am having Christmas and MIL is welcome, but do relize she is not able to ride more than short distance. So that is not an option. I told my husband he may want to tell his mother ahead of time so she relizes this isnt time for her to visit. She gets visitors all the time and spending one christmas with my husband ...him not feeling this may be the last Christmas for her isnt being selfish. Ones who say dont let it bother you go on with your lifes, it is most impossible. Does anyone else feel this way, and be helpful to know any advise other than sarcastic help and criticisms, Thank you for any an all of your stories, and experiences with your loved MIL.

If you and your DH don't visit MIL in the nursing home, or call very much, then she feels neglected, especially at holiday times. When my parents were in care, we took the holiday festivities to THEM. I'd cook a meal, load up the car, and the family would show up in the reserved room to celebrate Christmas or whatever holiday it was. I'd bring gifts, the grandchildren, and we'd have our own private get together. I did pizza nights too. I'd call them too, regularly, because I did no hands on caregiving, it was the least I could do to make them feel loved and that I cared.

What exactly are you doing for your MIL that you're feeling so "burned out" ?

My advice to you is to call the woman regularly and visit her regularly too. Bring her small gifts and snacks to show you care. It goes a long way to put effort into doing such acts of kindness for loved ones in wheelchairs cooped up in nursing homes. In fact, we're going candy shopping today for my cousin Terry who's cooped up in a wheelchair in a nursing home bc she loves candy. Try it. It feels good to do for others. They don't KNOW we care unless we SHOW them.
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Many people with LO's in facility care pick a day for Christmas, Thanksgiving, Easter, etc... It's usually not on the actual holiday itself. You all can have Christmas with your MIL on December 26th or 27th. Bring a nice meal and celebrate with her then. Have your own holiday on the actual day of.

When she calls you, your husband, your son, or really any family member and starts up with the complaining and wallowing in self-pity, shut her down. Tell her plainly that you will not listen to her complain and this is why no one calls her. Then end the call.

She may benefit from one of those AI computer program calls that will listen to her complain and interact with her.
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Calister, you've written about your MIL and these issues before. I'm sorry she's so annoying. Why don't you and your family plan now what you are going to do for Thanksgiving, Christmas, and New Year. Your husband and whatever family members want to go will see your MIL on a particular day for each holiday. And you will celebrate the holiday at home on a particular day. Then instead of nagging your husband and others, she will have that to look forward to. When she starts to complain, he can just say, "see you on X day, Mom," and hang up.
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Strokes do cause Dementia problems. I find the people who do well with a person like your MIL tend to let things roll off their back. To the point when Mom says "You don't call" they call her on it. "Now Mom, I called you yesterday." I am with Lea here.
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