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Addendum: shoot me please, I can't let this potty humor go:
21) Celebrity pooh: A larger than life pooh that is impressive in most ways and is always trailed by smaller pooh-parazzi.
22) Reality TV or Heiress pooh: Pooh that has outlived it's 5 minutes in the spotlight but floats at the top of the bowl. Very resistant to flushing.
23) Symphony Pooh: Pooh that is always accompanied by the sounds of a mardi-gras parade. This pooh never slips quietly into the bowl. The orchestra can perform alone without the pooh...this is called slip farts and could be the subject of another post.
24) Insomnia pooh: This is pooh every caregiver hates. This pooh's arrival is always in the middle of the night. It takes so long to get done that it takes most of the night and you are usually too wired to get back to sleep.
25) Political pooh: This pooh market's itself as something it is not. Once you vote for this pooh, it never delivers. Do not let this pooh kiss your baby. When this pooh finally gets elected....it stinks.
26) Dog Whisperer pooh: This is the pooh that looks like a small naughty dog on the carpet. No touch, no talk, no eye contact is best if you want to get close to this pooh with a paper towel. As tired as you may be...please do not keep this pooh as a pet, it cannot be housebroken. *snaps fingers* "ssssstttt"
27) Charmed pooh: This is the pooh that needs three teenage witches to banish it back to where it came from. AKA Exorcist pooh
28) Redneck pooh: This pooh doesn't care what anyone thinks. Is that a mullet? This pooh is fat and bossy. You can picture this pooh draped in a pink prom dress with it's banana boyfriend and 3 hanger on friends...the butterknife boys. This pooh doesn't take sh*t from anyone. It does what it wants.
29) The gymnastic pooh: Still an olympian...a gold medal pooh will somehow be higher on the wall than any other pooh you've seen before. This pooh seems to defy gravity.
30) The couch potato pooh: This pooh loves to sit on the sofa. This pooh can arrange itself in amazing ways. It can resemble a pot smoking teen, a football fanatic, or a napping baby. Always look where you sit. This pooh will let you sit on it's lap and you don't want that.
Hi Wuvs! I loved your post....and welcome to GROSSED. Another pooh post. You and Pirate mentioned pooh and got me going. Be careful what you wish for!
SO that brings me to:
THE HEADBANGER POOH HALL OF FAME! TOP 15 POOPS FOR ALL TIME:
1) The shy pooh-pooh: It lingers in the rectum because it has no self esteem. This pooh must be coaxed into appearing anywhere. This pooh frequently will poke out to survey the situation and get scared and return into the rectum. AKA Turtlehead poker.
2) The burglar pooh: Which is like pooh stuck in the chimney when it tried to rob your house. This pooh must be greased up and pulled out. Although you may think you need law enforcement, this pooh is usually too tired to fight once it is removed.
3) The wall-flower pooh-pooh: It enters the room and immediately finds a wall to smear on. No...you can't dance with this pooh.
4) The shelf sitting pooh: You walk by any table and see a new sculpture... and no...this isn't art therapy. This pooh is also known as mountain range pooh...the natural formation is almost breathtaking.
5) The finger paint pooh: Murals of abstract brown art. If you stare at it long enough you can see flowers, trees, and faces of dead celebrities.
6) The hide and seek pooh: Ali-Ali-UM-COMFREE! I give up. I can smell you but can't find you pooh. This can be distressing pooh, especially if your social worker is coming right over.
7) The trace pooh: It lingers under fingernails and defies you to remove it because you just can't hold the elderly hand long enough to get your nail file there. I hate this pooh, I hear it laughing at me. I also fear this pooh because it can turn into....Finger up the nose pooh.
8) The bad-ass pooh: The pooh that stands up to your disenfectant, sponge, and scrub brush, and sends it packing. It is WWF kick-ass wrestle you to the ground pooh. It is the pooh you have to scrub for hours. This pooh must be a gang-member because it has tatoo'd my bathroom and made me it's b*tch. I call this pooh BUBBA and never turn my back on it.
9) Track and Field pooh: This is pooh that runs faster and longer than any other pooh. Usually you see this pooh after your ward has eaten a pound of chocolate, Triscuits, and Pea soup. Although it is a gold medal winning pooh, it is to be avoided at all costs.
10) The pebble pooh: This pooh is an escape artist, it falls out of your ward's depends and conceals itself on the carpet. Not to be confused with hide and seek pooh, this pooh prefers open spaces and looks like raisen-ettes or chocolate malt balls. This pooh is often referred to as "Houdini pooh" because it escapes from any depends and lives to be seen on stage.
11) The Sitcom pooh: This dramatic pooh loves to entertain. This is the pooh that cannot wait to take a bow before a live audience, and is always taken in front of other people.
12) The space-shuttle pooh: This pooh cannot be confused with any other pooh. This pooh is HEAVY and seems to have it's own gravitational pull. Keep your balance when dealing with this pooh. This pooh is like a black-hole and science does not know what happens to objects that this pooh consumes. AKA: Event Horizon Pooh
13) The zip-code pooh: This pooh is so large it needs it's own post-office. This pooh should receive fan-mail and usually blocks up the toilet. (AKA: Plumber pooh)
14) The Titanic Pooh: Unfortunate pooh. Left unattended and with too many flushes behind it...zip code pooh turns into Titanic pooh. This pooh has gone over the top of the porcelain barrier, ripped a gaping hole in it's side, and is sinking on the bathroom floor. This is a slip and fall risk pooh. You may need a raft or at the very least a swamp airboat to navigate the clean up.
AND LAST BUT MOST OFTEN ENCOUNTERED:
15) The disguised little SH*T: Sly and covert this pooh is a master of deceit. This pooh can cleverly mimic pooh from ANY other species or human. Once this pooh escapes the rectum it morph's into any of the following:
A) The caregiver's pooh: OMFG how could YOU have left that pooh there? You are disgusting. B) Your dogs pooh: I swear to god we have to get rid of your dog. It has a problem! C) Food: You gonna eat that? D) Art Supplies: refer to Fig: 4 and Fig 5
Ok yes I can go on for hours and hours...but I'll stop there, I have to take a shower sometime.....
Ladeeda...what do you get when you cross a banana and a butter knife? I don't know either.....
Peach..Good to hear you are up and around and NOT tied up to a bed somewhere.
Ted: No problem...I'm a semi pro lurker although I don't post everywhere. I'm still learning about what everyone else thinks and lord knows I don't have the answers. My style isn't appropriate for all occasions. I'm like stand-up comic pooh...where everyone points and laughs.
To everyone...Be kind to yourselves, be kind to your elderly, laugh if you can, and by all means....do not turn your back on Bubba pooh..that would turn into Pirate pooh: Pooh that can move on it's own, sneak up behind you and plunder booty. That my friends is just TOTALLY GROSS!!
Oh, Maxine--You are such a sweet Blessing and are loved so much. I love to read your posts and appreciate your continuing support. Did you ever see the movie," Matilda"? It's a cute kids movie with Mara Wilson, Danny Devito and Rhea Perlman. There is a scary princiPAL of the school name Miss Trunchable, an ex-shot-putter, who makes the kids lives hell. I thought of her when you mentioned the head nurse who loved to do high colonics. Gulp. She must have been a winner. Love you!!! xoxoxoxChristina
HB an oil retention enema might help or high colonic you would have to get the tubing and such we had a head nurse who use to love to do those it is messy but better than the alturnative. They did a homemaker over home near here and the neighbors complained about all the traffic it was for the son of a classmate of mine 3 generations had been and some still were vol firman they had 6girls then one boy he developed cancer at 4 and died at 6 and had another child a while later and they lived in a cramped houes so a nice big house was built for them I was so pleased about it-I am wishing a better day for all of you and if not may God give you an extra amount of strenght I will never forget the 16 years of caregiving I did and admire all of you for doing it 24/7 my ungratful husband used to say but you only have one pt. not 6 like you did at work -but I got to go home at 3 or 4 or 5 every day and had days off and sometimes even got a lunch break.
G'mornin' all! I just gave mom a banana (to eat) and couldn't help smirkin at her.
So, listen, I posted the next paragraph on the driving thread by mistake yesterday (Thanks for the heads-up HB) I wish i would have posted it on the Bathing thread by mistake but, oh well. Here it is where it was intended;
Okay guys, we're in year two, the 10-20K stretch, and we just witnessed a seemingly small but profoundly important success by Ladeeda. What d'ya say we start issuing an annual award? (With the blessings of the Captain, of course) We could go by most stars given over the year, or just a flat nominee/most votes thing, or catagories, or something.
CHA KEY TA it is, whatever gets us thru the day, I'm game. Well, got all my SUSY HOMEMAKER crap out of the way, waiting for the family from hell to come pick her up. I get 8 glorious hours off and I am going to burn rubber from here to town....I am going rock hunting ( to collect, not to throw!!) I do love my petrified wood. It is Nervana for me. Peaceful, quite, only animals, cows, donkeys, and an occasional car. No one bothers me, could it be the banana suit???????Love ya'll, have a day if not a good one.. see ya'll this evening
Very cool about UHM show. I can't watch it either-blurry vision. {{{{{{Pirate}}}}}}{{{{{{{{{Diane}}}}}}}}}{{{{{{{{{{Maxine}}}}}}}}}}}} {{{{{{Peach}}}}}}}}}}}}}}MIZ}}}}}}}}{{{{{{{{Headbanger}}}}}}}}}}} {{{{{{TED}}}}}}}}}{{{{{{{Ladeeda}}{{{{{{{{DEEFER}}}}}}}}}} {{{{{KULI}}}}}}}{{{{{{{{{WUVS}}}}}}}}}==read your posts. you give good advice--Welcome:) Whew, I'm tired now. Lots of hugs and I'm not finished. Makes me feel like Miss Mary on Romper Room, looking into her see-through mirror, 'I see Billy, and Bobbie, and ..." Remember that? {{{{{{{{{{CAPTAIN}}}}}}}}}}}}}{{{{{{{{{{{{{ANGIE}}}}}}}}}}}}}}} About pain: Mother forever hyper-sensitive. Must be same area of brain connected to Dem/ALZ. Even toenails. I'll Google this morning too and see if I can find anything. Used to it here. Maybe call AlZ org, Diane? Ok, I'll bitch, if you insist, HB. Mother up and hitting on weekend caregiver again. This is yucky and embarrassing for CG. Just went downstairs to read the "Log of the Mother Ship", and she didn't stop whining and crying about "HIM" until 1 am. When Hubby and I got home from our late date (9 pm) she had been given her 100 mg of Seroquel at 7:30 as directed for a nice beddy-bye at 8. NO Way, Jose. She put her IN the bed 3 times, which we don't do until SHE says she really really wants to go to bed now. Methinks she thought cg was going with her to "lie down". I was in bed by 9:30, 10 min. later, I have to intercede, say it's night-night time--IT IS NOT!!! HOW CAN YOU DO THIS TO ME? I HAVE BEEN IN HERE --then the garbled stuff starts. Ok, Mother, cg is a woman, like you and me. There are NO men here ( you think I'm going to tell her about the man I have upstairs in MY BED?) Yeehaw, Peach! This is another reason I think I must get a new caregiver because Deep Throat creates a new dilemma. No arguing, but she was red hot mad, and cg really upset, and hubby asleep by the time I got back. Sigh. So I ate See's Candy instead. Remember actress who imitated actress in fountain in "Under the Tuscan Sun"? Well, cg I am going to interview today "feels" like her persona to me on the phone. Everything is so light and airy--maybe it's her survival technique. I'll have to try it. If it's raining too hard, might wait. We got a windy storm yesterday and into the night. Pirate--I'm just south on the 405. Watch for wall writing. HB--is it redundant to say you rock, you are the Bomb? luv ya Ladeeda--may I call you Chaquita? That's CHA KEY' TAH TED--Banana Boat!!!! Wuvs--oh, it was YOU lurking in the wings!!! LOL, Jam! More later, I'll do research, someone will probably beat me to it. Love you ALL muy, muy Mucho. HUGS, Christina
Forgot to tell you guys that an upcoming episode of the Ultimate Home Makeover is doing a home about 20 minutes from here for a little boy, named Patrick, & his parents! Patrick has Brittle Bone disease. They're doing the unveil, "Busdriver, move that bus" at 2:00 this afternoon, but said that if you want to have a good place to stand be there by 9 am this morning! I'd love to go, but know that I'd probably just stand there & cry the whole time & hubby can't be there that long & I can't leave him for that long, either. It's been neat to watch the progress on the local news all week! And I'm glad that the little boy will have a safer place to live to lessen some of the broken bones that he experiences. He's only 9, but has already had over 50 broken bones! There's lots going on all around us that most of the time we're unaware of!
Just thought this was a neat story & wanted to share it with you guys!
Gpeach, it is 5:30 am and I am in here laughing like a loony. Hope everyone notices the bananas and the knife by your name.. OMG. , banana underwear, that would solve alot of problems here. And apparently if they are made of fiber the knives would not cut thru.(no, her knives were table knives, the sharp ones were put up ages ago..)Thanks for the laugh first thing this morning...
Hummmm...let's see how much I can remmy that I wanted to post on...
Ladeeda, WELCOME to the thread! You fit right in! You rock & I'm glad that you're getting some help with the lady that you care for! Got a couple of jokes for you:
What is yellow and goes bzzzzzz? An electric banana.
What is yellow on the inside and green on the outside ? A banana dressed up as a cucumber!
Do you guys remmy the kids cartoon "Bananas in Pajamas"? Maybe "Bananas in Undies" is the adult version.
(I even found a recipe for Banana Bread that made me blush!)
Did you know that there's a company in Australia that makes underwear out of banana fibers? True!
Icecream, yes it is a gross story, but on the average of what we say here.... So don't worry and keep venting! Ladeeda I read Mary's mail about you. I understand more, now, and I am glad that the situation is already going better. Pirate, Diane, I am very sorry for the troubles you are going through. What is happening to them and consequently to us is so bad that you really don't understand its meaning. Maryrip I love your new dog. I think you are all sleeping now...Hope you have sweet dreams
I have been wanting to tell my own Grossed Out story for sometime now, I thought it was much too GROSS to share but having been here for a few months, now I realize that my story is to most other folks(non caregivers) disgusting and horrifying but to all of you caregivers just another "day at work" so to speak. Well here it goes in full.. my Mom(dementia/Alz) first stages was with aid, while I was at work, aid calls says Mom's got pain in her tummy. Knowing mom was generally not a complainer about pain, We took it very seriously. Took her to ER they gave her X-rays, she was serverely constapated. Dr told me to get over the counter remedies and we got them and went home so she could take them. So then Mom not remembering 5 hours in ER says I need to go to hospital as if we were never there. She finally rested and slept thru the night without going #2 yet. As I was waiting for the moment, worried and stress all night incase she needed help. Then we woke the next day she seemed ok and naturally no recollection. I got her in the shower ( I would always stay in BR for assistance only) then I saw her through curtain standing in one spot not sure of what exactally she was doing. I said "you ok?" Mom says " I'm fine leave me alone" I say what r u doing?" Mom says "none of your business!" Here comes the GROSS part... She had been removing the obstruction by hand, YIKES!!! I was happy she got it out on one hand but sick to my stomach on the other!!! That's not it... as I was gagging and cleaning out the shower she was dressing. She sees what I am doing and she says "how could YOU POOP in the shower? That is disgusting!" I didn't know whether to laugh,cry or throw up!! I think I did all 3. I want to add that a few weeks later after begging my sister to give me an over night break she complained Mom had a #1 accident on her couch and used that as an excuse to never have her stay over night again. Then I told her about this scenerio and she thought I made it all up. My sister also would always ask me while looking me eye to eye in a dead stare like I was crazy "why are you so mad at me all the time?" I felt like saying , because careing for mom is always sweet and pleasant, she just waits to do all the unpleasent things the few times you are with her.
Hypersensitivity with skin sensation bad for her and for you. It can be caused by a host of different physical problems. You say she has spinal stenosis, it could be that when you move her to put her into bed she could have pressure on nerves which can feel like sharp, hot, burning pain in the limbs.
Does she have fibromyalgia?
My grandma also complains about sensitivity, on any given day I swear some body part or another is going to drop right off her body. Sometimes the skin in the area becomes quite red like a pressure sore, we apply creams, lotions and balms to her skin and so far none of them have become eroded.
Sorry to say this info isn't really helpful in controlling her response to the painful stimuli, the moans and groans are just pitiful. We're pretty good about assessing her pain, if she is really in a state we will give her some morphine. Gran is in hospice so if we can relieve her pain we will.
Piratess:: Hospice has been so helpful to us. Taking her to the doctor was just a nightmare. She has a nurse weekly, Aids for bathing, a chaplain, a social worker and they have a volunteer network that we can tap into for a few hours of respite time. We also have medications on board that help stabilize her mood (if my mother agrees to give them to her), pain and anxiety meds.
Downside to morphine, impacted pooh-pooh and manual evacuation of the rectum...Oh gawd..I had blocked that memory. Now when we give her pain meds, we also give her a stool softener. Grandma gets so tired and worn out she just won't push out her poop.
Diane, You need to calm down and take a deep breath! Mom tells me I throw her in bed every night and that is where all her bruises come from! She hallucinates constantly and is always talking to people who aren't there. Your mom may be in pain, or may just be saying that because she can't come up with the right words to say what she really means. There is not much you can do for her, except go along with whatever she says, tuck her in, and walk away! If she is not complaining about pain all day, then that may not be the problem. My mom forgets she has hurt herself and doesn't even complain about her injuries unless it really hurts. So, you mom may be in bad pain or just saying that because she is so confused. Don't let it get to you! You have my e-mail if you need to talk more. Good luck! Kathy
Diane, I wish I knew. Peach might know. I do know that Mom was VERY sensitive to cold. Like when my hands were cold. I would try to warm them up for her but it was never enough. And when she was in the hospital dying, one of the nurses put lotion on her arm and was rubbing it in and Mom pulled her arm back. She didn't like it but I don't know if it was painful or cold or what.
good to see u pirate and austin ! pirate maybe u can get online and see whats causing ur mom to feel pain . maybe shes getting the flu , i know when i ha dthe flu it hurts to touch myself . bodys achin and im headin for bed , if dad is sleeping then i will too . goodnight , xoxo
Pirate, I so feel for you. Yes, it's terribly difficult and you will get through it and yes, there will be some PTSD involved. I'm going through it so I know. Bobbie knows too. We're here for you every step of the way. Please keep posting. If ya wanna text me let me know. I hope b/f is there for you.
love, miz
P.S. I know about manipulating the poo and it takes a good, kind and strong daughter to do that. And you are so that. :)
I need some feedback about a situation with mom. It is getting to the point that I can barely touch her without her complaining it hurts. Do people with Parkinson's get hyper-sensitive to touch? I know she is in a lot of pain every day with her back (spinal stenosis) . Tonight I was putting her in bed and she swore I pinched her because it hurt so bad. All I did was lift her legs in the bed. She complains everytime I touch her no matter how gentle I am. I know she hallucinates both by sight and sound, could she be hallucinating pain? I know this sounds crazy, but I'm about to go bonkers with her constant complaining when I'm not doing a think to hurt her.
LaDeeda I am so proud of you for speeaking up to the daughter I am glad that you did before she became more violent and hurt you this thread has a great group of people who are real and get it. I have been on this site for about 3 years and it saved my sanity when I first came on and even though my husband to whomn I was the caregiver died in June of 09 I come back to try to give back some of the support I received when I was in the black hole and this thread is about a year old and was started by a very wise women our Captain Bobbie and the greatest people in the world are here and ready to give encouragement even when their lives stink. I hope things start to get better for you.
Hi fellow Sailors, Well what can I say after reading a bit I guess you guys ran into one of them know it all's in here...they come up from time to time and we have fought many ourselves here...there are always going to be wierd personalities out there. Headbanger hmm I bet I could up to your standards on a bitch fest. Heck I cuss like a sailor most of the time, and I can fight and shout out the loudest big mouth bit4h on earth..lol.
Well folks I decided to take Family Leave again. I started this past Monday. My mom is declining more and more and it seems no one around me gets it but me. I took her to the doctor on Tuesday,...it was horrible trying to get her into the SUV, was like a ragdoll being stuffed into a shoebox, oh my gawd so pathetic, the caregiver looked at me like I was crazy. She crumbled on us twice (I think it was all the poison her bit4h sister put into her head "Don't get in the car with nobody they will take you to the nursing home").,well we finally got there and ended up seeing her horrible doc. I wanted the PA but she said she could not handle this aspect of decline. I also went to a doc's office and got a pee cup and got that the morning of the doc appt to give them to...some of her downtroddeness was due to a UTI she had, so she is on Cip and doing a bit better. That as4hole doctor of hers was still clueless to the grevity of the matter as usuall. He tried to get it off his hands by saying she is depressed and needs to go to the neurologist and get Aricept...SHE AIN'T DEPRESSED SHE'S FN DECLINING. Thank gawd I emailed A PLACE FOR MOM contact that has been in contact with me for 2 years and suggested Hospice...yeah this is different Hospice is just not for the end of life anymore...they say they get involved much sooner...and if my mom qualifies she don't have to go to the doc..they can take care of that. So Hospice nurse is coming tomorrow..yippee...more help. Well my fn caregiver is out the window again..she moved further away and her ride to work won't do it anymore which is her sister and it is a long haul...so I am back to where I was 2 months ago needing a caregiver and that awful service I have won't even call me back with progress reports of a replacement. The caregiver and I spoke before she left and gave me clues to 2 more agencies...if this one continues on there crappy care out the window they go. I need help at this critical stage with my mom. My mom wants to hardly get out of bed, sometimes she is disoriented, she doesn't want to eat. She does not really talk unless you ask her a question. Oh my pottying is bad...she does not poo, you okay if you get grossed out skip to the asterisk...so you have to do what I guess nurses do and kind of manipulate all the poop out...man I can go through a roll and a half doing this...gross eh...well after that today I manuevared her to the bath and gave her a bath..caregiver showed up in time to take over. It's been tough being home with these lame arse caregivers once you are around they just want to yack at you and you can't get things done unless you hide or close the door on them. I could have gotten a ton done if she was not around...I am trying to set up my old bedroom and move her in and then move in my bed into her room and put the entire household in storage...all during my family leave...wonder if I can do it...did not get far..it's tough by yourself...I have to clean all the mold out of that room the best I can before I move her in there. My mom shoved to much crap into that room and closing the door and having no heat in there did not help. Geesh I found a lot of stuff stuff I made stuff my mom made tons of stuff my mom bought like 5 comforters, 5 boxes of shoes 4 trash bags filled with rug yard, clothes up the yang yang never worn...vintage stuff from years ago. I found a box of photos and one night sat up to a 11:00 looking through most of them. I started to put them in books. A lot from the 80's man did I look fine then..woohooo...wow..photo's of old boyfriends..old photos of family from the 40's folks I don't even know but would love to know that part of the family in Germany that don't even bother wondering about us..sad. I am alone...I really feel like it today. I have not had B/F around the last two days that might add to it. But mom is a sad sight..it's a long slow death...it's horrid. I don't want to know that..;.I want Doc Kavorc's number...lol. I know I am going to go through some PTSD after this...it's a draining experience cause you want to do so much for them, it's it hardly anything you can do. Well I am going to sign off now...let someone else yack for a bit.
LADEEDA - thats why i dont like male doctors , they think they know it all when it comes to women , screw em ! i find female doctors and they sure know how a woman feels and thier pain , always a blessing . everybody sgone to bed ,mmm soits me all alonesome again . oh well . coo coo cooo
Rossella, Rip told me she filled you in on my details. Hope you read about the conversation with the daughter and Ativan is now on board. So thank you so much for being one of many who responded to my plea last night. A completely different day. She has not tried to hijack one piece of fruit or any of the stainless steel. So far so good. Find a Dr. that will give you something. The meds DO work. This reminds me of a male Dr. telling me a long time ago that there was no such thing as PMS. After my hysterical, rage filled outburst , I got meds..... good luck with this.
Ladeeda, you are one of the bravest people I know. Hotbanger, you are one of the funniest people I know. And I love everybody else of course. Each one of you.
I am thinking of the possible meaning of stocking bananas and knives in the panties and the Freudian answer is so clear that I think it's useless to say it.
What is the difference between Namenda and Haldol? I am going to the Alz centre on Monday and I would like to ask the doctor to prescribe me the best one. I know that I'll have to fight to have a prescription! they always say that any med is useless at this stage.
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21) Celebrity pooh: A larger than life pooh that is impressive in most ways and is always trailed by smaller pooh-parazzi.
22) Reality TV or Heiress pooh: Pooh that has outlived it's 5 minutes in the spotlight but floats at the top of the bowl. Very resistant to flushing.
23) Symphony Pooh: Pooh that is always accompanied by the sounds of a mardi-gras parade. This pooh never slips quietly into the bowl. The orchestra can perform alone without the pooh...this is called slip farts and could be the subject of another post.
24) Insomnia pooh: This is pooh every caregiver hates. This pooh's arrival is always in the middle of the night. It takes so long to get done that it takes most of the night and you are usually too wired to get back to sleep.
25) Political pooh: This pooh market's itself as something it is not. Once you vote for this pooh, it never delivers. Do not let this pooh kiss your baby. When this pooh finally gets elected....it stinks.
26) Dog Whisperer pooh: This is the pooh that looks like a small naughty dog on the carpet. No touch, no talk, no eye contact is best if you want to get close to this pooh with a paper towel. As tired as you may be...please do not keep this pooh as a pet, it cannot be housebroken. *snaps fingers* "ssssstttt"
27) Charmed pooh: This is the pooh that needs three teenage witches to banish it back to where it came from. AKA Exorcist pooh
28) Redneck pooh: This pooh doesn't care what anyone thinks. Is that a mullet? This pooh is fat and bossy. You can picture this pooh draped in a pink prom dress with it's banana boyfriend and 3 hanger on friends...the butterknife boys. This pooh doesn't take sh*t from anyone. It does what it wants.
29) The gymnastic pooh: Still an olympian...a gold medal pooh will somehow be higher on the wall than any other pooh you've seen before. This pooh seems to defy gravity.
30) The couch potato pooh: This pooh loves to sit on the sofa. This pooh can arrange itself in amazing ways. It can resemble a pot smoking teen, a football fanatic, or a napping baby. Always look where you sit. This pooh will let you sit on it's lap and you don't want that.
Ok hopefully I'm spent......whewwww
SO that brings me to:
THE HEADBANGER POOH HALL OF FAME! TOP 15 POOPS FOR ALL TIME:
1) The shy pooh-pooh: It lingers in the rectum because it has no self esteem. This pooh must be coaxed into appearing anywhere. This pooh frequently will poke out to survey the situation and get scared and return into the rectum. AKA Turtlehead poker.
2) The burglar pooh: Which is like pooh stuck in the chimney when it tried to rob your house. This pooh must be greased up and pulled out. Although you may think you need law enforcement, this pooh is usually too tired to fight once it is removed.
3) The wall-flower pooh-pooh: It enters the room and immediately finds a wall to smear on. No...you can't dance with this pooh.
4) The shelf sitting pooh: You walk by any table and see a new sculpture... and no...this isn't art therapy. This pooh is also known as mountain range pooh...the natural formation is almost breathtaking.
5) The finger paint pooh: Murals of abstract brown art. If you stare at it long enough you can see flowers, trees, and faces of dead celebrities.
6) The hide and seek pooh: Ali-Ali-UM-COMFREE! I give up. I can smell you but can't find you pooh. This can be distressing pooh, especially if your social worker is coming right over.
7) The trace pooh: It lingers under fingernails and defies you to remove it because you just can't hold the elderly hand long enough to get your nail file there. I hate this pooh, I hear it laughing at me. I also fear this pooh because it can turn into....Finger up the nose pooh.
8) The bad-ass pooh: The pooh that stands up to your disenfectant, sponge, and scrub brush, and sends it packing. It is WWF kick-ass wrestle you to the ground pooh. It is the pooh you have to scrub for hours. This pooh must be a gang-member because it has tatoo'd my bathroom and made me it's b*tch. I call this pooh BUBBA and never turn my back on it.
9) Track and Field pooh: This is pooh that runs faster and longer than any other pooh. Usually you see this pooh after your ward has eaten a pound of chocolate, Triscuits, and Pea soup. Although it is a gold medal winning pooh, it is to be avoided at all costs.
10) The pebble pooh: This pooh is an escape artist, it falls out of your ward's depends and conceals itself on the carpet. Not to be confused with hide and seek pooh, this pooh prefers open spaces and looks like raisen-ettes or chocolate malt balls. This pooh is often referred to as "Houdini pooh" because it escapes from any depends and lives to be seen on stage.
11) The Sitcom pooh: This dramatic pooh loves to entertain. This is the pooh that cannot wait to take a bow before a live audience, and is always taken in front of other people.
12) The space-shuttle pooh: This pooh cannot be confused with any other pooh. This pooh is HEAVY and seems to have it's own gravitational pull. Keep your balance when dealing with this pooh. This pooh is like a black-hole and science does not know what happens to objects that this pooh consumes. AKA: Event Horizon Pooh
13) The zip-code pooh: This pooh is so large it needs it's own post-office. This pooh should receive fan-mail and usually blocks up the toilet. (AKA: Plumber pooh)
14) The Titanic Pooh: Unfortunate pooh. Left unattended and with too many flushes behind it...zip code pooh turns into Titanic pooh. This pooh has gone over the top of the porcelain barrier, ripped a gaping hole in it's side, and is sinking on the bathroom floor. This is a slip and fall risk pooh. You may need a raft or at the very least a swamp airboat to navigate the clean up.
AND LAST BUT MOST OFTEN ENCOUNTERED:
15) The disguised little SH*T: Sly and covert this pooh is a master of deceit. This pooh can cleverly mimic pooh from ANY other species or human. Once this pooh escapes the rectum it morph's into any of the following:
A) The caregiver's pooh: OMFG how could YOU have left that pooh there? You are disgusting.
B) Your dogs pooh: I swear to god we have to get rid of your dog. It has a problem!
C) Food: You gonna eat that?
D) Art Supplies: refer to Fig: 4 and Fig 5
Ok yes I can go on for hours and hours...but I'll stop there, I have to take a shower sometime.....
Ladeeda...what do you get when you cross a banana and a butter knife? I don't know either.....
Peach..Good to hear you are up and around and NOT tied up to a bed somewhere.
Ted: No problem...I'm a semi pro lurker although I don't post everywhere. I'm still learning about what everyone else thinks and lord knows I don't have the answers. My style isn't appropriate for all occasions. I'm like stand-up comic pooh...where everyone points and laughs.
To everyone...Be kind to yourselves, be kind to your elderly, laugh if you can, and by all means....do not turn your back on Bubba pooh..that would turn into Pirate pooh: Pooh that can move on it's own, sneak up behind you and plunder booty. That my friends is just TOTALLY GROSS!!
Love you guys! HB
I thought of her when you mentioned the head nurse who loved to do high colonics. Gulp. She must have been a winner.
Love you!!! xoxoxoxChristina
So, listen, I posted the next paragraph on the driving thread by mistake yesterday (Thanks for the heads-up HB) I wish i would have posted it on the Bathing thread by mistake but, oh well. Here it is where it was intended;
Okay guys, we're in year two, the 10-20K stretch, and we just witnessed a seemingly small but profoundly important success by Ladeeda. What d'ya say we start issuing an annual award? (With the blessings of the Captain, of course)
We could go by most stars given over the year, or just a flat nominee/most votes thing, or catagories, or something.
{{{{{{Pirate}}}}}}{{{{{{{{{Diane}}}}}}}}}{{{{{{{{{{Maxine}}}}}}}}}}}}
{{{{{{Peach}}}}}}}}}}}}}}MIZ}}}}}}}}{{{{{{{{Headbanger}}}}}}}}}}}
{{{{{{TED}}}}}}}}}{{{{{{{Ladeeda}}{{{{{{{{DEEFER}}}}}}}}}}
{{{{{KULI}}}}}}}{{{{{{{{{WUVS}}}}}}}}}==read your posts. you give good advice--Welcome:)
Whew, I'm tired now. Lots of hugs and I'm not finished.
Makes me feel like Miss Mary on Romper Room, looking into her see-through mirror, 'I see Billy, and Bobbie, and ..." Remember that? {{{{{{{{{{CAPTAIN}}}}}}}}}}}}}{{{{{{{{{{{{{ANGIE}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}
About pain: Mother forever hyper-sensitive. Must be same area of brain connected to Dem/ALZ. Even toenails. I'll Google this morning too and see if I can find anything. Used to it here. Maybe call AlZ org, Diane?
Ok, I'll bitch, if you insist, HB.
Mother up and hitting on weekend caregiver again. This is yucky and embarrassing for CG. Just went downstairs to read the "Log of the Mother Ship", and she didn't stop whining and crying about "HIM" until 1 am. When Hubby and I got home from our late date (9 pm) she had been given her 100 mg of Seroquel at 7:30 as directed for a nice beddy-bye at 8.
NO Way, Jose. She put her IN the bed 3 times, which we don't do until SHE says she really really wants to go to bed now. Methinks she thought cg was going with her to "lie down". I was in bed by 9:30, 10 min. later, I have to intercede, say it's night-night time--IT IS NOT!!! HOW CAN YOU DO THIS TO ME? I HAVE BEEN IN HERE --then the garbled stuff starts.
Ok, Mother, cg is a woman, like you and me. There are NO men here ( you think I'm going to tell her about the man I have upstairs in MY BED?) Yeehaw, Peach!
This is another reason I think I must get a new caregiver because Deep Throat creates a new dilemma.
No arguing, but she was red hot mad, and cg really upset, and hubby asleep by the time I got back.
Sigh. So I ate See's Candy instead.
Remember actress who imitated actress in fountain in "Under the Tuscan Sun"? Well, cg I am going to interview today "feels" like her persona to me on the phone. Everything is so light and airy--maybe it's her survival technique. I'll have to try it. If it's raining too hard, might wait. We got a windy storm yesterday and into the night.
Pirate--I'm just south on the 405. Watch for wall writing.
HB--is it redundant to say you rock, you are the Bomb? luv ya
Ladeeda--may I call you Chaquita? That's CHA KEY' TAH
TED--Banana Boat!!!!
Wuvs--oh, it was YOU lurking in the wings!!! LOL, Jam!
More later, I'll do research, someone will probably beat me to it.
Love you ALL muy, muy Mucho. HUGS, Christina
Move That Banana!
Just thought this was a neat story & wanted to share it with you guys!
Ladeeda, WELCOME to the thread! You fit right in! You rock & I'm glad that you're getting some help with the lady that you care for! Got a couple of jokes for you:
What is yellow and goes bzzzzzz? An electric banana.
What is yellow on the inside and green on the outside ? A banana dressed up as a cucumber!
Do you guys remmy the kids cartoon "Bananas in Pajamas"? Maybe "Bananas in Undies" is the adult version.
(I even found a recipe for Banana Bread that made me blush!)
Did you know that there's a company in Australia that makes underwear out of banana fibers? True!
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I do sign language...Did you know that the sign for NAG & PREACH is the same sign? Also true!
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I've also found out that Cowboy costumes do have their benefits! Yee Haw!!!
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Miz, have fun finding your new home!
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Thanks everybody for your encouragement, hugs, suggestions & laughs!
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Will post more as I remmy it...I do good thinking of stuff as I'm reading, but then it rapidly leaves as I start to type!
Hope everybody will have a great Saturday!
Love & Hugs!
peach
Ladeeda I read Mary's mail about you. I understand more, now, and I am glad that the situation is already going better.
Pirate, Diane, I am very sorry for the troubles you are going through.
What is happening to them and consequently to us is so bad that you really don't understand its meaning.
Maryrip I love your new dog.
I think you are all sleeping now...Hope you have sweet dreams
I didn't know whether to laugh,cry or throw up!! I think I did all 3. I want to add that a few weeks later after begging my sister to give me an over night break she complained Mom had a #1 accident on her couch and used that as an excuse to never have her stay over night again. Then I told her about this scenerio and she thought I made it all up. My sister also would always ask me while looking me eye to eye in a dead stare like I was crazy "why are you so mad at me all the time?" I felt like saying , because careing for mom is always sweet and pleasant, she just waits to do all the unpleasent things the few times you are with her.
YOU DON'T ALWAYS SEE THEM, BUT YOU ALWAYS KNOW
THEY ARE THERE!!!!!!
Hypersensitivity with skin sensation bad for her and for you. It can be caused by a host of different physical problems. You say she has spinal stenosis, it could be that when you move her to put her into bed she could have pressure on nerves which can feel like sharp, hot, burning pain in the limbs.
Does she have fibromyalgia?
My grandma also complains about sensitivity, on any given day I swear some body part or another is going to drop right off her body. Sometimes the skin in the area becomes quite red like a pressure sore, we apply creams, lotions and balms to her skin and so far none of them have become eroded.
Sorry to say this info isn't really helpful in controlling her response to the painful stimuli, the moans and groans are just pitiful. We're pretty good about assessing her pain, if she is really in a state we will give her some morphine. Gran is in hospice so if we can relieve her pain we will.
Piratess:: Hospice has been so helpful to us. Taking her to the doctor was just a nightmare. She has a nurse weekly, Aids for bathing, a chaplain, a social worker and they have a volunteer network that we can tap into for a few hours of respite time. We also have medications on board that help stabilize her mood (if my mother agrees to give them to her), pain and anxiety meds.
Downside to morphine, impacted pooh-pooh and manual evacuation of the rectum...Oh gawd..I had blocked that memory. Now when we give her pain meds, we also give her a stool softener. Grandma gets so tired and worn out she just won't push out her poop.
About the b*tchin...LOL I welcome company.
love HB
Your mom may be in pain, or may just be saying that because she can't come up with the right words to say what she really means. There is not much you can do for her, except go along with whatever she says, tuck her in, and walk away! If she is not complaining about pain all day, then that may not be the problem. My mom forgets she has hurt herself and doesn't even complain about her injuries unless it really hurts.
So, you mom may be in bad pain or just saying that because she is so confused. Don't let it get to you! You have my e-mail if you need to talk more. Good luck! Kathy
pirate maybe u can get online and see whats causing ur mom to feel pain . maybe shes getting the flu , i know when i ha dthe flu it hurts to touch myself .
bodys achin and im headin for bed , if dad is sleeping then i will too .
goodnight , xoxo
love,
miz
P.S. I know about manipulating the poo and it takes a good, kind and strong daughter to do that. And you are so that. :)
I reaching to call Deef. She may know.
The full moon too ... I believe it's tonight
I need some feedback about a situation with mom. It is getting to the point that I can barely touch her without her complaining it hurts. Do people with Parkinson's get hyper-sensitive to touch? I know she is in a lot of pain every day with her back (spinal stenosis) . Tonight I was putting her in bed and she swore I pinched her because it hurt so bad. All I did was lift her legs in the bed. She complains everytime I touch her no matter how gentle I am. I know she hallucinates both by sight and sound, could she be hallucinating pain? I know this sounds crazy, but I'm about to go bonkers with her constant complaining when I'm not doing a think to hurt her.
Any suggestions would be appreciated.
Thanks crew!
Luv ya,
Diane
Well what can I say after reading a bit I guess you guys ran into one of them know it all's in here...they come up from time to time and we have fought many ourselves here...there are always going to be wierd personalities out there. Headbanger hmm I bet I could up to your standards on a bitch fest. Heck I cuss like a sailor most of the time, and I can fight and shout out the loudest big mouth bit4h on earth..lol.
Well folks I decided to take Family Leave again. I started this past Monday. My mom is declining more and more and it seems no one around me gets it but me. I took her to the doctor on Tuesday,...it was horrible trying to get her into the SUV, was like a ragdoll being stuffed into a shoebox, oh my gawd so pathetic, the caregiver looked at me like I was crazy. She crumbled on us twice (I think it was all the poison her bit4h sister put into her head "Don't get in the car with nobody they will take you to the nursing home").,well we finally got there and ended up seeing her horrible doc. I wanted the PA but she said she could not handle this aspect of decline. I also went to a doc's office and got a pee cup and got that the morning of the doc appt to give them to...some of her downtroddeness was due to a UTI she had, so she is on Cip and doing a bit better. That as4hole doctor of hers was still clueless to the grevity of the matter as usuall. He tried to get it off his hands by saying she is depressed and needs to go to the neurologist and get Aricept...SHE AIN'T DEPRESSED SHE'S FN DECLINING. Thank gawd I emailed A PLACE FOR MOM contact that has been in contact with me for 2 years and suggested Hospice...yeah this is different Hospice is just not for the end of life anymore...they say they get involved much sooner...and if my mom qualifies she don't have to go to the doc..they can take care of that. So Hospice nurse is coming tomorrow..yippee...more help. Well my fn caregiver is out the window again..she moved further away and her ride to work won't do it anymore which is her sister and it is a long haul...so I am back to where I was 2 months ago needing a caregiver and that awful service I have won't even call me back with progress reports of a replacement. The caregiver and I spoke before she left and gave me clues to 2 more agencies...if this one continues on there crappy care out the window they go. I need help at this critical stage with my mom. My mom wants to hardly get out of bed, sometimes she is disoriented, she doesn't want to eat. She does not really talk unless you ask her a question. Oh my pottying is bad...she does not poo, you okay if you get grossed out skip to the asterisk...so you have to do what I guess nurses do and kind of manipulate all the poop out...man I can go through a roll and a half doing this...gross eh...well after that today I manuevared her to the bath and gave her a bath..caregiver showed up in time to take over. It's been tough being home with these lame arse caregivers once you are around they just want to yack at you and you can't get things done unless you hide or close the door on them. I could have gotten a ton done if she was not around...I am trying to set up my old bedroom and move her in and then move in my bed into her room and put the entire household in storage...all during my family leave...wonder if I can do it...did not get far..it's tough by yourself...I have to clean all the mold out of that room the best I can before I move her in there. My mom shoved to much crap into that room and closing the door and having no heat in there did not help. Geesh I found a lot of stuff stuff I made stuff my mom made tons of stuff my mom bought like 5 comforters, 5 boxes of shoes 4 trash bags filled with rug yard, clothes up the yang yang never worn...vintage stuff from years ago. I found a box of photos and one night sat up to a 11:00 looking through most of them. I started to put them in books. A lot from the 80's man did I look fine then..woohooo...wow..photo's of old boyfriends..old photos of family from the 40's folks I don't even know but would love to know that part of the family in Germany that don't even bother wondering about us..sad. I am alone...I really feel like it today. I have not had B/F around the last two days that might add to it. But mom is a sad sight..it's a long slow death...it's horrid. I don't want to know that..;.I want Doc Kavorc's number...lol. I know I am going to go through some PTSD after this...it's a draining experience cause you want to do so much for them, it's it hardly anything you can do. Well I am going to sign off now...let someone else yack for a bit.
i find female doctors and they sure know how a woman feels and thier pain , always a blessing .
everybody sgone to bed ,mmm soits me all alonesome again . oh well . coo coo cooo
Find a Dr. that will give you something. The meds DO work. This reminds me of a male Dr. telling me a long time ago that there was no such thing as PMS. After my hysterical, rage filled outburst , I got meds..... good luck with this.
Hotbanger, you are one of the funniest people I know.
And I love everybody else of course. Each one of you.
I am thinking of the possible meaning of stocking bananas and knives in the panties and the Freudian answer is so clear that I think it's useless to say it.
What is the difference between Namenda and Haldol? I am going to the Alz centre on Monday and I would like to ask the doctor to prescribe me the best one. I know that I'll have to fight to have a prescription! they always say that any med is useless at this stage.