Grossed out and need to vent—I just caught Mom using my toothbrush to comb her hair!

Stillstanding, re your inquiry about funny stories: there is a column called "A Breath of Fresh Air" on AC, where people tell uplifting anecdotes. It used to show on the right all the time--not sure where it is now. I believe it is included in the weekly newsletter that comes by email, too.

Rosella, I try to see into my Mother's mind very often, and I almost grasp it, but it is like a fleeting dream. Some of what I think I am understanding is so twisted and scattered that I cannot accept it is real. The hearing is distorted, the vision is distorted, and the thoughts are distorted--where is Federico when we need him?
Hope your Sunday is pleasant. Is it pasta day? Mange bene

Yes, Sue, We sing and recite nursery rhymes, we scramble to find something to fill the days. In the morning first thing, I put a cd on of Irish music--harp and other Celtic instruments. It begins the day in a serene way, with tea and breakfast. Then we move on to Nat King Cole, Frankie Baby, Tony Bennet, and Perry Como.
I asked a question a while back on a different thread--and since JollyJ has started one-- "what activities can we do", as I was wracking my brain and so frustrated from sitting all day! I heard from Linda, and someone else who suggested headphones with music. The "direct line" into her head seems to give her a better focus, and now we can let her sit for the duration of the cd--unless she has to pee, of course, which she does--while we get up and do a few things around the house.
Otherwise, we are prisoners. She thinks she is (a prisoner) at night, but we are during the day! Anyway, it is a good recommendation, and I thank the person who suggested it:)
I hope she does not go into her "Ms. Hyde" persona tonight as she has for the last 3 nights. Could it be the full moon? No music helps that--maybe I should play Phantom of the Opera?

Cuz, the joke about the rabbit was great.
The one about the planes, too. Probabily fake, but if you read it as a joke, it's funny

thanks christina, I read somewhere that you and your mom both like to sing. my mom can remember some words to old songs even now. one of the caregivers said their other guy listens to Frank Sinatra a lot. Actually, when my mom was healthier I didn't appreciate her so much, just wanted to do my own thing. I think that's how it is with the mother /daughter thing.
love ya, ssk

P.S. I remember Audrey Hepburn in "Sabrina", with Humphrey Bogart on a small boat, singing " We have no bananas - bananas - bananas today!"

Happy birthday Miz!
Pirate, I did two years ago what you are doing now. It will be a very stressful period but you'll get organized. If I may give you an advice (I know I sound British when I use these expressions, and though, I am Italian) try to find a way to keep a personal life with your boyfriend. Of course he doesn't understand and doesn't accept the situation. Nobody understands until he is on his nose right inside of it. Try to keep as much of your old life as possible. I know it's difficult, but try!
Rip I know the satisfaction of seeing your work on TV. Well I don't see it I hear it!
Jam, I didn't know that was the reality of resuscitation. But even if I didn't know, I would not use extreme measures to extend the duration of my mother's life the way it is now. She has already been "punished" enough. Of course if she needs to be operated like she was last year for kidney removal, she will be operated, if she needs to take pills against the flu, she will continue to take them. But when the "real" moment comes, no more tortures for her and for us!
I make an effort to see her life "from the inside", I try to understand what she feels and what she thinks. And what I see is so sad and terrible that really, really I won't do anything to extend the length of that life-no-life.
If she were happy in spite of everything I would think it over. But she is not happy. So what's the point?
I think I would sign a DNR without hesitation, (for myself, too)
Tomorrow we go to the Alz center. Urrah! Give us Namenda, doctor!

Hi Diane and Sue,
Thinking of you and your Moms; you are capturing the most and the best that you can. It's weird that the present brings me the best relationship with my Mother, but you have good memories. I guess we cannot have it all, but I know you cherish all the things you remember about your Moms, and I dig out the best I can now, even if it, too, is bittersweet.
Love you girls, You are precious and a Blessing. christina

Miz I am so sorry about your MIL Jam you said what I was thinking my mother is still upset 40 plus years later when my father died they pushed her aside to bring in the machines now we do have a choice Jam you said it so right I had my husband on life support because I thought he would come out of it like he had done so many times but once there was no brain activity we had the docs stop all but pain med and ventilator so he would not suffer. As nurse I saw too many times the elderly not survice a code or become a vegtable for days or weeks or even months everyone no matter the age should have it in writing what they want so the family does not have to make a decision-I knew what my husband wanted we did it when we did our wills years before-it is never too early to do it.

I know how you feel, diane, I wish my mom could just be her old self again and we could laugh together and go out and about.
hope you feel better soon.
love, ssk

Hi Crew,

I'm missing my "real" mom today. Maybe because I haven't been well since lastnight this feeling is so strong today. I know you all can relate to this feeling too. Just feel kind of sad.

I hope everyone is having the best day possible.

Luv ya,
Diane

Ted:

I see the making and giving of Pooh-Bears for your siblings as a very healing activity for you. I can already hear your hernia inducing, roll on the floor laughter as you plan the details of the construction. The bear's yellow fur, button eyes, stitching, would all be lovingly selected, paying particular attention to the stuffing material. I bet you are leaning towards an organic all natural filling. Am I right? Laughter releases endorphins into the bloodstream, and we all know that places a person into a euphoric state so this activity will have tons of therapeutic value for you. MUHAHAHAHAHA.

I guess fiber will be back on the menu for mom at your house!

Just please don't go all nutz n futz on us...we don't want you in a white lab coat with your hair all akimbo--hanging over a stainless steel table (with a banana and three butter knives beside you) plugging electric wires into a redneck Pooh-Bear (wearing a pink prom dress & tiara) throwing switches and screaming "GIVE MY CREATION LIFE".

The world does not need Franken-Pooh....That pooh hides under your bed and in your closet causing all kinds of problems. This pooh scares small children at night and makes knocking noises while moving small objects. Disembodied voices can be heard in homes where a Franken-Pooh-Doo has taken up residence. Your house would then need to be investigated for pooha-normal activity. Call in the Pooh-dooh-Hunters.

Thank you for your support Ted. I love ya!

I'm on duty all day today, although I was only supposed to watch Gran for my mother to go to church, she came home begging for me to take another shift so that she could go outside and feel the wind on her face. So I'll be here for several more hours. My hubbie is working all day, so I suppose other than AGAIN being an unplanned granny-sitting day, it does no harm. I'm mentally in a better place than my mother is at the moment.

Love and laughter...
Hugs N Stuff
HB

Ok HB, here goes: I'm going to write a little book on the "funny" things our loved ones sometimes share with us: although they're far and few between, I think it would give us all (caregivers) a smile. I've been thinking about this for awhile now, seriously. And, if you don't write your own book on poohs, then we can go in together, OK? Let me share an example: A little while back moms' therapist came to the house and she asked her to remember three words, you guys know the routine, they were elephant, apple and hospital. Well, about an hour had passed since she left and mom came into my office and said, :BJ, you think we should call the hospital and see how that sick, little elephant is doing that ate that rotten apple?" That was priceless to me! if you guys can share with me your stories, I want to add them to "the list"... anyone have any feedback on this idea?

Beautiful HB. That is not how I picture mine, but that was as if I was there, feeling the breeze, smelling the earth. Not alot of writers can bring you to that place of seeing and feeling. And you are going to start your book when????????????

Miz: Happy birthday to you! Happy birthday to you!!!! Happy Birthday dear MIZ! Happy birthday to you.......and many more~~~

Jam: Wow...girl thank you for that post. We have a DNR in place for grandma and I have always been ok with that. After reading your post, I am SUPER ok with that. The following is my wish for me, and my hope for my Grandmother.

I will sign a DNR for myself when I reach my golden-age.

When it is my turn to travel down the road to glory, I'd rather go out with my family and friend's support, laughter, and strength. The road to glory for me would be the shorter rather than the longer.

The road I would choose for myself would be a green tree-lined boulevard with stone paving, and although I won't be shopping this trip, I'd like my favorite little shops lining the row. We would pass a wooden fenced, fertile pasture filled with horses frolicking in springtime, yards with happy little children playing with energetic puppies, and all kinds of birds flying in a bright-blue sky with bright-white fluffy clouds. I’d wish my favorite people to help me down this lane if my steps falter. I’d love for my husband’s strong arms to be around me, and my children to wave to me just like they did from the windows of the school bus when they were small. I’d love to see the baby smiles from my grandchildren as they tickle drips of ice cream from melting ice cream cones.

The bright warm light would shine brilliantly at the end of the block. I'd like the sign to read Greater Glory Lane. Although I will probably be afraid of the next step, I'd be happy that the walk was short so I didn't have to think about it too long.

At the end of that sun-lit lane I'd part with the attachment to my favorite things. As the light begins to surround me I can see movement on the other side. As my view becomes clearer I see the smiles and open arms of those people I have missed so much that have gone before me. I see their joy and beckoning gestures, they have missed me too! I am no longer afraid. I am happy to go with them further into the warm and comforting light. As I walk away from the green boulevard, and all my favorite things, I'm starting to feel more energy. I turn once more to gaze upon the faces of my loved ones, how I will miss you all! The light tells me that I will see you again one day; sooner or later we will be together again in a new place. My pain is lessened, and my body as I know it fades from view. I AM. I get it now, I AM FREE!

Please don’t bring me back. Don’t shock my body to return me to frailty and pain. The longer road with its twisting turns and high rocky passes may keep me here on earth for bit more time, but in the end will bring me no greater glory. Allow me to close this chapter on my bodily life and rest in the arms of the creator. Death should be as natural as birth.

Don’t blame me for wanting to catch the first bus to paradise. Really this is my stop.

::A loving thought from HeadBanger…written in between poopy-potty runs.::

Love N Stuff
HB

Jam,
That was the ultimate in reality, and only you could put the medical procedures to us that way. Thank you.
My Mother and her husband signed DNR a long time ago, but I am sure my Mother signed hers only because her husband told her to. Whatever, it's done, it's in the file, and I have no problem with that.
We hope that all who are close will die peacefully in their sleep, or will be so "taken" that the process is as pain-free, or natural as possible. I often wonder if those who have dementia and Alzheimer's have "resolved" in their own minds the issues that still weigh on them in life, or is it more like that missed brass ring on one of the rotations of a carousel? Does one have that "last chance" to ask forgiveness, make a decision, or settle the issue before they finally give up and move on? The elderly with physical problems but intact brain function can do this, if they want, if they are directed, and this seems more like "closing a deal."
Thinking about Pirate's Mom and what she's (they are) going through, and Miz's mil, and the contrast of those of us whose parents are close, but still semi-functioning and driving us mad. So many emotions and tasks to do, so much waiting and wondering.
I send my love and caring thoughts to all of you who are grieving, hugs to those who need lifting up, and many thanks to all who distract and entertain us on this wonderful thread.
Christina

Happiest Birthday possible, Miz. Where has time gone?

Harper speaks 'Husky, coyote & wolf' ... I'd like her to sing a birthday solo with the Pom & Bichon as backup singers ~ it's our first week. Maybe by next year.

remember to breathe

I guess I will throw in my two cents and past experience with the DNR argument for whatever it's worth. Everyone has their own opinion and feelings on the matter; I am only passing along what I have experienced. I am a firm believer in Do Not Resuscitate and have often said I will have it tattooed on my chest. Over the years I have personally worked on successful resuscitation's, as have others I have worked with, these were generally a younger person and CPR was started immediately. People say "shock them" and they will live. Well it's not that easy.....first off they have to be in a shockable rhythm, which is ventricular fibrillation or ventricular tachycardia without a pulse (you can be in v-tach with a pulse). Other rhythms are not shockable and the majority of the time when the monitor is placed the rhythm of the elderly will be asystole, not always, but that's generally what it will be. For the layman, that is "flatline"; means there is no electrical activity going on in the heart.....and no it is not a shockable rhythm.....when the medics arrive and this is what they find, if they are good at what they do, they will gently explain there is nothing to be done and "call it" in the field. Some of you know the procedures for CPR and it can be grueling for those who don't......you cannot do it sitting up in the chair, lying on the bed....so your loved one is dragged off into the floor, when compressions are started it's not breaking bones you hear, but the cartilage between the ribs being broken loose...makes compressions easier. Sometimes ribs are and can be broken. Professionals will create an airway by intubating, depending on the aggressiveness of the medic and their expertise, teeth can be chipped, throats lacerated, tube misplaced (in the esophagus instead of trachea) sometimes the tube can be displaced in the field when moving the patient.....there are no x-ray machines on an ambulance to verify placement. So your loved one gets to the hospital and depending on the rhythm at that point and how long resuscitation has been going on....the doctor will call it after doing a few things. One of the "tricks" hubby used to do was inject ice-cold water into the ear canal.....if the eyes don't react he called it.....that means the brain is dead. Off the top of my head I don't have the percentage of successful resuscitation's.....in the real world they are very, very minimal. A DNR does not mean NOTHING can or will be done....you can specify what you want done when the time comes....no compressions, no assisted breathing, but medications for comfort and oxygen through a mask to ease breathing. Bottom line is God decides when it is your time and no amount of interventions will make a difference. It takes 4-6 minutes for the brain to die....most emergency services cannot get to you in that amount of time. Even when your loved one is in the hospital and dies and resuscitation is started and let's say a rhythm is reestablished, they will lie there in a drug induced coma for what could be hours or a few days, while you are miserably sad for them and yourself because they are leaving this world and where did their quality of life go? As for me and my loved ones there will be a DNR in place. My mother had one and with hospice she went to Jesus in peace and that in turn gave me peace. I get a little miffed at the doctors who won't explain those procedures to patients and/or caregivers....so when the time comes the families expect the doctor to perform miracles and they KNOW nothing can be done but they never explained that prior. No, I take that back....it just plain pissed me off to see a family in pain when it was obvious nothing could be done for their loved one and they are crying "do something" and the doctor can't or won't because there is nothing to be done. Now remember when your loved one arrives at the hospital, their initial care is done by the ER doc, not personal physician. I still remember a case several yrs ago where I was called to transport a gentleman from the local ICU to a hospital in KC for a higher level of care...I was not comfortable with the changes in his breathing and I refused to move him until he was looked at....I knew I would be intubating him going up the highway.....thank you Lord for my hubby being on-duty that day. He came back and took a look and immediately called for his airway supplies, got the man tubed, then looked at me and I could see the anger in his eyes, this man had a huge tumor in his throat, occluding his airway, I would have NEVER been able to tube him....hubby got it only because he is an expert in anatomy and did it all by feel. But the personal physician had never talked to the family about a DNR.....this tumor was inoperable. No we didn't transport.....the poor guy passed.
So that's my dollar's worth...went way past 2 cents.....sometimes it helps to know the "other side" of things.

I wish you all a wonderful Sunday and I am going to pack a bag now and go play video poker and hopefully come away a relaxed, happier care giver by Tuesday. Hugz to all of you!

Jam

Thank You, sskape!! It doesn't really feel like my birthday but that's okay. Other stuff is more important. OMG I just thought about how old I am. It can't be true. :) I guess I'll always be young at heart.

I hope everyone has a good Sunday. Please tell those you love that you do.

love,
miz

Pirate, about the DNR. I had one for Mom. It is extremely hard on the elderly to be resuscitated. Also, if they are resuscitated, often they are in a very bad state. I understand why you hesitate but it really is a good idea in my opinion. Mom's doctor recommended it. But, it's your call.

Thank You So Much, Everyone, for your support and prayers. It means so much to me. You all are the best!! Just got up a little bit ago so I have nothing yet to report on how she is doing. Really sad. She walked so slow to the bathroom yesterday. Even slower than my mom I think.

Pirate, I have heard from a friend who took care of her mother at her mother's home that medicare will pay for bed rental. I'm not swearing to it or anything but it's definitely worth checking out.

love,
miz

Good Morning Caregivers!

Miz! sorry about your MIL. sux. angels!
AND congrats on 10100!! More Boat Time!!!
This time WITH Bikini!!

Jen! Let the pot smoking twat take care of your grandpa. Your mom is home and she can watch both of them Of course the twat knows nothing and thinks she knows everything.
So What? It certainly isn't going to hurt your grandpa!
And you'll be at work finding all sorts of new things to stress about and will be happy for the comic relief when you come home. Twat doesn't get the keys to the kingdom, just gets to mop up and put up with the crapola. You don't have to teach her what to do, that's your mom's job.
Besides, it will give us all here on the thread something to bet on... as in how long will she last??

Headbanger! how about a poop pamphlet? don't have to get all involved in big time publishing and Stillstanding can make a deal with Depends to have one 'put in every box'!
Ol grandma would be wondering wtf when the caregiver rolls around on the rug every time a new box of dideys is opened.

Pirate! I wish you could find your own Ladeeda! what a job gurl and I am glad that you are coming on to vent. We love you!

Ladeeda! It might not be too early to hand out some nice St Patty's Day boils to your lady's family!

Crew, it makes me very happy to see the discourse between all of you. Whether or not I am happy or not is immaterial of course but I am just saying... I love it when I see people who were so sad and so deep in the dumps find this thread, reach out, get relief and form friendships that may very well last far into the future.

Ted! re: awards. you guys do what you want. If you want to do awards, go for it. Here's a thought tho.... you guys are all still active caregivers except for Miz, austin, me and ?
You still active caregivers have enough on your plates. You all have heard me say many times that even though the caregiving os over I am still not all the way healed. It's a LOT.
Just my opinion. love you guys enough to put it out there.

Speaking of active caregivers: Peach!! what great t shirts and logo ideas! I love my sweatshirt!! Thank you again! I would think that everyone would want one and they shouldn't be too expensive. There is no way that you can shoulder the cost and time of doing this on your own and I know that you are such a generous spirit so I am just putting that out there too. Nothing wrong with cost plus some for your time and gas while running around setting it all up, picking it all up, postage, etc etc..... IF you choose to take on that big project while being an active caregiver!!! That being said, PLEASE let me pay you for your time and materials! totally worth it!!! I hate to see anyone go out of pocket in this economy!

Cuz!! interesting political travel post. Very amusing that they are all Democrats...., except for Bernie Sanders who is an Independent and a Senator... I think I smell bullshit....
I personally know 2 of those people on that list (not staffers) and there is no way in hell that they had those conversations.
Some manure can kill your plants and cause a lot of annoying flies. I dislike AM talk radio for the same reasons.
Bullshit and people believe it.
IMHO that is why the country is in trouble. Too much Bullshit.
The truth is bad enough.
please give my love to your mom and to J. hope everybody is feeling ok.

Today is more sanding on the bowsprit. Should be the last day and then teak dust and epoxy patch tomorrow am and the first coat of varnish in the afternoon.
There's a show: This Old Boat. Hosted by: This Old Bob

more later,
love you guys and Keep Venting!!

lovbob

good morning, just checking in. Is it miz's Birthday? Happy birthday! I'm sorry to hear of your mil's health situation.
my mom is really slowing down thses days. some days she is only awake for 4 to 6 hrs and just sleeps in her recliner most of the day. she does seem content and at peace, though, which I'm grateful for. who knows, maybe it's a bug or cold or low blood count of patassium , etc. she has a dr appt tues.
linda, how's your pa doing? I haven't read on here for a few days.
deef, sorry to hear of your hub's job loss. that happened to me as well, a young new company bought the one I was working for and got rid of people who had been there for a while, and hired young new ones. It sucked and I"m still pissed off about it! Two years later!
Hi Ted, and HB, stillstanding, peach, christina, austin, bobbie, cuz, ss, jam, hi to the col, hi to all.
A friend here is into watchingthe Daytona 500 race today. Maybe bobbie is there tailgating. Well, I'm rambling, so will sign off.
ssk

Y'all have given me a great idea! along the lines of sending stuffed bears to those we love, I'll be sending Pooh Bears to my siblings!

Piratess, If you feel it is the right thing, you might wanna just sign the DNR now before things gets going. Get the business end of things out of the way so that you can just handle the personal stuff.
Your strong and have your head on right, I admire you.

HB, Let's be roommates, LOL I think they'd put us on separate wings or better yet, different hospitals, LOL

J....

OMG she is so totally qualified. From your post I think she would feel most comfortable putting lotion on his moobs...since she is so familiar with the anatomy in the trunk area and doesn't mind nipples. Old people feet are a different matter all together. I think she'd be grossed out about that. Fungus toes are .... well...nasty.

I'm glad you can look at her for what she is. Some people are just so mentally under-developed "it's so easy to take care of the elderly, they will sit and play cards or watch Oprah while I sit over here and take their meds and hit my bong for a while." ....A bit later...."Oh man...dude...where is grandpa? What is that smell...."

Just pat her on the ass and kick her out the door.

Hey miz
We will be thinkin about ya
Luv Cuz

Subject: Could this be why the US is in trouble??



A DC airport ticket agency offers some examples of 'why' US is in trouble!

1.I had a New Hampshire Congresswoman (Carol Shea-Porter) ask for an aisle seat so that her hair wouldn't get messed up by being near the window. (On an airplane!)

2.I got a call from a Kansas Congressman's (Moore) staffer (Howard Bauleke), who wanted to go to Capetown. I started to explain the length of the flight and the passport information, and then he interrupted me with, ''I'm not trying to make you look stupid, but Capetown is in Massachusetts ..'' Without trying to make him look stupid, I calmly explained, ''Cape Cod is in Massachusetts , Capetown is in Africa '' his response -- click.

3. A senior Vermont Congressman (Bernie Sanders) called, furious about a Florida package we did. I asked what was wrong with the vacation in Orlando . He said he was expecting an ocean-view room. I tried t o explain that's not possible, since Orlando is in the middle of the state.
He replied, 'don't lie to me, I looked on the map and Florida is a very thin state!'' (OMG)

4. I got a call from a lawmaker's wife (Landra Reid) who asked, ''Is it possible to see England from Canada ?'' I said, ''No.'' She said, ''But they look so close on the map.'' (OMG, again!)

5.An aide for a cabinet member( Jan et Napolitano) once called and asked if he could rent a car in Dallas . I pulled up the reservation and noticed he had only a 1-hour layover in Dallas . When I asked him why he wanted to rent a car, he said, ''I heard Dallas was a big airport, and we will need a car to drive between gates to save time.'' (Aghhhh)

6.An Illinois Congresswoman ( Jan Schakowsky) called last week. She needed to know how it was possible that her flight from Detroit left at 8:30 a.m., and got to Chicago at 8:33 a.m. I explained that Michigan was an hour ahead of Illinois , but she couldn't understand the concept of time zones. Finally, I told her the plane went fast, and she bought that.

7. A New York lawmaker, (Jerrold Nadler) called and asked, ''Do airlines put your physical description on your bag so they know whose luggage belongs to whom?'' I said, 'No, why do you ask?' He replied, ''Well, when I checked in with the airline, they put a tag on my luggage that said (FAT), and I'm overweight. I think that's very rude!'' After putting him on hold for a minute, while I looked into it. (I was dying laughing). I came back and explained the city code for Fresno , Ca. Is (FAT - Fresno Air Terminal), and the airline was just putting a destination tag on his luggage.

8. A Senator John Kerry aide (Lindsay Ross) called to inquire about a trip package to Hawaii ... After going over all the cost info, she asked, ''Would it be cheaper to fly to California and then take the train to Hawaii?''

9. I just got off the phone with a freshman Congressman, Bobby Bright (D) from Ala who asked, ''How do I know which plane to get on?'' I asked him what exactly he meant, to which he replied, ''I was told my flight number is 823, but none of these planes have numbers on them.''

10. Senator Dianne Feinstein (D) Called and said, ''I need to fly to Pepsi-Cola , Florida . Do I have to get on one of those little computer planes?'' I asked if she meant fly to Pensacola , FL on a commuter plane. She said, ''Yeah, whatever, smarty!''

11. Mary Landrieu (D) La. Senator called and had a question about the documents she needed in order to fly to China . After a lengthy discussion about passports, I reminded her that she needed a visa. 'Oh, no I don't. I've been to China many times and never had to have one of those.'' I double checked and sure enough,her stay required a visa. When I told her this she said, ''Look, I've been to China four times and every time they have accepted my American Express!''

12. A New Jersey Congressman (John Adler) called to make reservations, ''I want to go from Chicago to Rhino, New York ...'' I was at a loss for words. Finally, I said, ''Are you sure that's the name of the town?'' 'Yes, what flights do you have?'' replied the man. After some searching, I came back with, ''I'm sorry, sir, I've looked up every airport code in the country and can't find a rhino anywhere" ''The man retorted, ''Oh, don't be silly! Everyone knows where it is. Check your map!'' So I scoured a map of the state of New York and finally offered, ''You don't mean Buffalo , do you?'' The reply? ''Whatever! I knew it was a big animal..''

Now you know why the Government is in the shape that it's in! Could anyone be this DUMB?


YES, THEY WALK AMONG US, ARE IN POLITICS, AND THEY CONTINUE TO BREED.

I don't write it, I just offer it for your consideration. Like manure, you just gotta spread it around.

ALWAYS ASK, NEVER ASSUME !!

His request approved, the CNN News photographer quickly used a cell phone to call the local airport to charter a flight.

He was told a twin-engine plane would be waiting for him at the airport.

Arriving at the airfield, he spotted a plane warming up outside a hanger.
He jumped in with his bag, slammed the door shut, and shouted, 'Let's go'.
The pilot taxied out, swung the plane into the wind and took off.
Once in the air, the photographer instructed the pilot, 'Fly over the valley and make low passes so I can take pictures of the fires on the hillsides.'
'Why?' asked the pilot.
'Because I'm a photographer for CNN' , he responded, 'and I need to get some close up shots.'
The pilot was strangely silent for a moment, finally he stammered, 'So, what you're telling me, is . . . You're NOT my flight instructor?'

A man is driving along a highway
and sees a rabbit jump out
across the middle of the road.
He swerves to avoid hitting it,
but unfortunately
the rabbit jumps right in front of the car.
The driver,
a sensitive man as well as an animal lover,
pulls over and gets out to see
what has become of the rabbit.
Much to his dismay,
the rabbit is dead.
The driver feels so awful
that he begins to cry.
A beautiful blonde woman
driving down the highway
sees a man crying on the
side of the road
and pulls over.
She steps out of the car
and asks the man what's wrong.
"I feel terrible,"
he explains,
"I accidentally hit this rabbit
and killed it."
The blonde says,
"Don't worry."
She runs to her car
and pulls out a spray can
She walks over to the limp, dead rabbit,
bends down,
and sprays the contents onto the rabbit.
The rabbit jumps up,
waves its paw at the two of them
and hops off down the road.
Ten feet away the rabbit stops,
turns around and waves again,
he hops down the road another 10 feet,
turns and waves, hops another ten feet,
turns and waves,
and repeats this again and again and again,
until he hops out of sight.
The man is astonished.
He runs over to the woman and demands,
"What is in that can?
What did you spray on that rabbit?"
The woman turns the can around
so that the man can read the label.
It says...
(Are you ready for this?)

(Are you sure?)
(This is bad!)

(It's definitely a Blonde Joke!)

(You know you could just click off
and not read the punch line....)

(You can still delete it)

(You know you're gonna be sorry)

(Last chance)
(OK here it is)

It says,

"Hair Spray -
Restores life to dead hair,
adds permanent wave."

Hey! I don't make them up....I just pass them along.