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It must be the expansion and contraction of pipes due to the weather. That's why our pipe broke in the slab. Now the dishwasher is broken, but big deal. I like to camp. We had lots of rain in December, clay soil, and when it dries out it's hard and gray. Effects the foundation. OK--I'm nutty talking about this stuff. Didn't mean to! Thank you to everyone for your support. I'm not back yet, just checking in. More estimators, and right now the restoration guy is removing the dehumidifiers, but I still have the droning noise in my ears. I am like Inspector Dreyfus after a long siege with Clouseau. More later--HB, Bobbie, Jam, SSK, Linda, Peach, Miz, BJ, et al--thanks for your well-wishes. I can handle WWIII if I have to, but not with Mother here and having to be moved to where she cannot get to without much assistance. She complains if you walk by her too quickly and create a breeze. It's so COLD in here. Sigh. Love you guys, Hugs christina
oh my goodness ! you guys becareful ! the moon is no longer full and ure still gettin the madness crazy nightmare ! my hugs to u all !! huggin realy realy hard . yes get the right meds to get them to calm down . i would prob have quit , cuz i cant handle that kind of voilets , my pa was lit stubborn when he first came to stay with me , then he just got sweetier . he still has his mind . down in the dumps today . messy house . seems like im the only one that does anything around here . in fact i think i am the only ones . ladeeda- i hope ur knee heals up real quick . let us know what the doc says . christina- my bracelet is huggin ur wrist , when u want to cry i ll cry with you . :-( miz - i would have ask to remove the molds before u buy em , so it that way you and hubby could just move in and be one happy married couple , without slavin workin so hard on the molds , bobbie- yep roll up ur sleaves and make me some mean ass coffee . cuz i need to clean up around here , nasty dust cat hair u name it ., sick of it , dust is just bad as the mold is . i hate to dust cuz i get sick after im done dustin , so i try not to dust , lol , wheres the beach at ? im so ready , thinkoftheboatttttt . xoxoxo
Ssk...I want to come to your house for beef stew. That sounds so delicious. I am happy that your mom seems to be feeling better. You sound like you are doing better as well and that is wonderful.
Bobbie: you are one of a kind. I love your advice, it is so practical and better yet has been tested so you know what you are talking about. I could sit at your feet and listen all day.
Christina: Hope your feeling better. My bathroom was full of water yesterday. We discovered that because the water has been spilling over the sides of the tub upstairs when gran is bathed by the NA's, the floor around the tub is starting to rot away. Lovely, I will have that tub I always wanted, but I have to give up the ceiling to get it. LOL I should be more careful of what I wish for. I just hope grandma isn't in the tub when it is delivered.
Miz & Peach: Still keeping your family in our intentions.
Gran is quiet today and a little snippy. She and Susan Boyle are upstairs becoming reaquainted. She is reading the same page of Susan's book she usually does and is retelling the story about when she and her sister were in the audience where Susan first sang. They were teenagers and it was in Pennsylvania. It was her boyfriend that started the booing for that poor woman....She was so angry.....zzzzzzzzzz
I'm nodding a bunch today. I'll need a cervical collar before today is over.
Just read your post, bobbie. that's awesome that you did the mold removal work yourself . Talent., and not afraid to roll up your sleeves and do some work! My mom is doing a lot better, so now I'm thinking she's going to live for quite a bit longer. She is eating, and can walk if I walk backwards holding both of her hands, just sleeps alot. I'll just take things as they come. Rainy day here in MA, have beef stew in the crock pot. still, I saw something on the news about a dobie who had fallen into a canal and was treading water and was saved by some dolphins. I'm not sure if it was in Florida. thought of you . ladeeda, sorry for your horrible day and knee injury! I'm distracted now by another cooking show, hope you are having a good day today. ssk
I am on my way to the ER. Have already told them if they do not get her medicated, I QUIT. AND I will not be able to care for her for a while so THEY will have to find some help. No, I have no where else to go, but they owe me the healing time, I am NOT an endentured slave. I have had it. I am done. They do there part or I am out of here. I will sleep in my f'n car just to have some damned peace of mind and time to heal...I would not sue, that is not my style. But we will see how far they are willing to go to keep this damned thing working. And NO, I will not take care of her if I can not walk,,,, Got my son to come over last night, so I would have some help during the night if I needed it. They never even offered to take her to thier house. So I was tooling around in the wheelchair this morning because my knee is too swollen to walk or put any weight on it. When I heard Ruth, I went to wake up my son and got caught in the hall and could not get out. I thought of all of you, I was laughing so hard. If I ever loose my sense of humor someone is going to get hurt. Will check back with you guys after ER visit and her Dr. visit and let ya'll know if I am still employed. It is totally my call at this stage. NO MORE, I AM DONE...
Bobbie, hubby's method of dealing with what is going on with his mom is trying not to think about it. So having work to do would be a good thing. Also, he told me last night that he has somehow been expecting this about his mom. She has smoked for years and years, didn't exercise, is way overweight, never was a really physically strong person. I know you can expect it, but I know when/if it happens he will be devastated.
Bobbie, great advice on the mold problem!! And you are right!! If we get it taken care of that house will be worth WAY more than it is right now. Really good neighborhood, nice house, lawn, garage, etc. Everything we need. Thank You!! And yes, you know hubby is strong and able. And if it's for a worthy cause, I been known to work my ass off. ;) I will relay all of your advice to hubby. I feel better already. :)
Ladeeda! Don't discount your writing! you are GOOD! your Lady is over the top with the caregiver abuse. Please make sure that the family understands that your hospital and er visits will be paid by their homeowners insurance. Also, a 2 week paid respite so you can begin to heal. do you have another place to stay while they 'deal' with their relative? Suing them will be a pain you don't need so get what's right, right now! they'll give it to you!! I have had a knee injury and it is nothing to screw with. Rest it now or pay later.
Headbanger!! on this thread we will say: thinkoftheboatthinkoftheboat to get us through sh!!y times. You have a countdown going on to India! Wow. thinkofIndiathinkofIndiathinkofIndia. It just may make the intolerable more tolerable. Back on the thread I wrote about dishing out some tough love and how it worked for my mom. You YELL: IT IS NOT OK FOR YOU TO TALK TO ME THIS WAY! IT IS NOT OK FOR YOU TO ACT THIS WAY WITH ME!! this is BIg News to the offender and can be a virtual slap in the face to change very bad and abusive behavior in order for you to continue on with the caregiving. I had to tell my mom that the bs stopped or I had to go. Everybody's Dementia is different but mom got it and the bad, abusive behavior changed. We as caregivers are in a damned if we do, damed if we don't situation. Outsiders are clueless and we are naturally afraid of 'yelling' at our elders even when instinctually we know that it just may work.
Miz! I have a thought (and experience) with Black Toxic Mold. That's the bad ju ju. All other mold is still bad, but the black toxic variety is scary nuts. BTM can cause, wait for it...... Dementia, among other things. I believe that it was a contributing factor with my mom and I became an expert on the removal of said mold. I am the one who remediated my mom's house because no one else would enter it. After doing the research on the 'net, I got the equipment and the haz mat suits (only good for one wear), correct respirator with replacement cartridges and a way to wash down when I left the contamination so I wouldn't carry it somewhere else. It is not an undoable situation so my advice here is going to be different than that of the others. The advice to get a home inspector is right on just to find out exactly where the mold is. If the house is a short sale the 'owner' is no longer involved and the house will not be repaired before sale. Hence the dramatic price disparity between that house and others in the same neighborhood. This can work to your advantage but you need to know a few things: Sheetrock. If the mold is on either side of the Sheetrock, the whole piece comes out. Mold cannot be cleaned off of Sheetrock I don't care what the 'experts' say. sheetrock way too porous. Insulation. Same applies here.
In order to correctly figure your hard costs on the house, figure the replacement of all Sheetrock and insulation to begin with.
Ionizer. Mold needs moisture, dark and oxygen. With mom's house I used a commercial ionizer (about 700 bucks) and ran it for 12 hours and then it was off for 4 hours so I could breathe through the respirator without breathing charged ions when I showed up to work in the morning. I would work in the house and bag stuff to be removed and then when I left I would set the ionizer to run again. The ionizer removes all the oxygen in the air and effectively stops further growth as long as you stay on it with the rest of the program. With the ciderblocks in the basment, I used TSP, (tri sodium phospate) and bleach and scrubbed the walls with a very stiff bristle brush and the mold was eradicated from there also. After removing the moldy Sheetrock and insulation, this method would be applied to the framing of the house. It took 3 months to clear the mold, but I did it and tested the air quality in the house in ALL the rooms including basement and it tested clean. The reason I would investigate the remediation of the mold is that at the end of it you will wind up in a way better neighborhood with way more house for your buck. With husband self employed and calling his own hours, it just may work for you as opposed to someone who was trying to hold down 40 hours a week AND build a house. Ow.
As far as buying the house: you can make an offer dependent on the settlement of your mom's estate and they can totally write the paper that way. Please make sure you have enough for the expenses of mold remediation, Major renovation and housing while this is going on because, as I am sure you are aware, you can NOT live there while it is happening. You will want to test and wait for the lab resuts before you move anything into the house. I moved mom into one of the apartments in her building while I went to 'work' everyday cleaning mold and God only knows what else out of that house. It was hard but I did it. Your husband is 20 years younger than me and a lot stronger and he can do it too. The most important aspect of this is to be true to yourself and don't just go into the house without a respirator and haz mat suit (white Tyvek suits available at Home Depot) and then come back to where you'll be living with mold spores all over you and your clothes. It'll be a ball buster but it is doable. Just be very very careful. I am sorry to hear about your husband's mom. awful. Do you think that he would be up for such a task with his mom in the state she's in?
Deef!! wassup?
Christina! I spent day before yesterday crying all day missing my mom and dad and sad about my goofy childhood with all the unnecessary drama that went on. Breath little one. Here we all know your pain. With me personally, I work hard to understand that what was was and what is is. That's why I say a LOT: It is what it is. Doesn't stop it from hurting tho..... I just try to breathe and get focused on somthing else. Easier said than done, but like the mold... I don't give up!
BonnieO! sorry about your daughter and the fact that she is adding to your burden. Poor little kids. Sux being abandoned.
Linda! give Pa a kiss and you are doing everything right! When the time comes you will have the peaceful knowledge that you did well by your Pa and that you guys had time together that is truly precious.
SSK! how are you doing?
Jam! glad you got out to do some Harrah's and get some respite and it sounds like you guys had a great time at your husband's retirement bash! yay!! the col is demented, therefore civil discourse is not going to happen. You are dealing with a certifiable crazy person and nothing is going to make sense so don't make yourself nuts by buying into what she is saying. What she is saying doesn't matter an iota. next.
Ted! knowledge is Power! Congrats! victim no more.
Jen! take some of FP's assets, convert them into cash and do what you need to do. screw being destitute after all you have done. Pitch a fit until they unhast the cash and go and get yourself a car and some clothes. My mom hid all of her assets from me so I spent my entire portfolio fixing her moldy falling down house and daily expenses until I had had enough and told her that that money is there to take care of HER and ME while I go through this nightmare. If you don't spend it now on FP's household when will it get spent? When everybody is so sick and beat down nothing will matter any more? Oh... my bad, already there. congrats on the job search! you amazing writer you.
To the rest of the crew that I have not named, please know that I think of you guys all day long and into the night. thinkoftheboatthinkoftheboat.... or in HB's case: thinkofIndiathinkofIndia.....
more later, I have to literally think of the boat and go to work.
Peach...haven't been out to get her clear mascara, but to be honest I don't think she would wear it. She says "It's me" and I've been wearing it for 60 yrs....well it's time to change. I've even tried to show her that I don't wear mascara hardly at all since I'm not working....of course I have tattooed eyeliner but she doesn't need to know that. The col is like a dog with a bone when it comes to her mascara. It's not just the mascara, it's lots of things......she will ask and ask and ask about certain things and I just want to scream at her. I'm sick of the mascara, she constantly asks about her quarterly taxes...yes I paid Sept and Jan because when you tried to write out the checks in June I had to tell you how to write them, so I just paid them online with all your other bills, the hole we moved her out of in Independence is rented to own by a single guy who is completely remodeling the place....$50,000 or $300/month, you pay for repairs, upkeep and renters insurance, until paid off....otherwise it would have sat there while she paid taxes, insurance, heat and electricity...now she is only paying the insurance and taxes....but let's ask about the disposition everyday and then get pissy when I say he's paying his rent according to the lease and you're getting $300 a month instead of paying out that much in utilities you nimrod!!!!! I'm slowly getting rid of all the mounds of paperwork that she thinks she has to keep.....when we moved her I threw away hundreds of bank statements dated from the 80's.....she would argue that she had to have all those for taxes.....omg....I've already explained over and over that I am doing her taxes this yr so we don't have to drag her and her useless pile of papers to the accountant....but oh no let's ask every other day about getting them done. She doesn't know that we are taking hers with us when we have ours done.....but she is not going..she is too mentally gone to put me through it!!!!!!! I heard hubby last night call her on the intercom and tell her to get her a** up off the couch, let the dog out and go to bed! She had been sitting for 4 hours pouting...it was midnight. And of course, you will all enjoy this one......what really gets me going is when I am trying to reason...:) :) :) :) :) with her and she starts looking at her hand like she's admiring it....ooohhh I just want to smack her. What scares me is when I will be put in ladeeda's position......I know one of these days she will take a swing at me.......
Girl my heart is going out to you! I worry about you so much because she is so violent. I hope that YOU get the care you need.
I hope that her Doctor puts her on something. At this point no one would blame you if you walked away from this job. She could easily have stuck that crochet hook in you. She kicks you while you are down. Ladeeda I fear for your personal safety.
I have a sundowning zombie, you have a sundowning greater demon. Her physical attacks put you at a great disadvantage. You don't feel like you can fight back, she's going to the doctor and you don't want to leave battle marks on her, so you now have a injury that will put you at greater risk. You won't be balanced and she will have the upper hand.
Please keep us informed. The knee doesn't sound good at all.
I won't be as articulate or funny as HB, but yesterday was something out of the Twilight Zone. She has been having crazy evenings, tiring frustrating, blah blah blah, But yesterday may have been the deal breaker. After HH came and bathed her, God forbid she washed her hair. and the craziness was on. For hours she was , oh you know what , to hell with her craziness, sosdd (same old shit different day) She is going thru the kitchen drawers looking for something sharp to open the doors and I noticed she has one of my crochet hooks. as I went to take it away from her she swung, made contact with my head and as I backed up. guess it was the way I was standing, but a gut wrenching pain in my knee, a twisting of muscle and tendons and down I went. I am in agony and her she came and kicked me, spouting all kinds of vile stuff. I will not repeat what I said to her, as even I with the foul mouth, can not believe some of the things I said to her. I finally got up and called the daughter and said "get over here". when sil got home he asked if I need to go to er. I told him I called my son and we will decide what to do. To make a long story short, I really think they are more worried about getting sued than the face I am unable to walk and take care of ........., oh I just can't find the printable words......She has her Dr. appt. today, I will not go as planned as I will be either at the Dr. or ER. My knee is swollen twice its size, can put no pressure on my foot. DAMN IT DAMN IT DAMN IT....if that dr. does not put her on some serious meds, I quit. Plain and simple. . I do have one visual thought for ya'll I am using the vile ones wheelchair as I can not walk.... getting outside to smoke is an ordeal, wonder if I will get fired if I smoked in the house,,, ohhh, one can only hope....
Jam & HB, I'm so sorry! I didn't mean to leave you guys out! I know that you're having a difficult time, too! ******************************************************************************** HB, keep venting & looking or encouragement from your Gross family & you'll make it to respite time! No problem! You know that you're gonna have to have enough fun for all of us, don't 'cha?!?! : ) ******************************************************************************** Jam, glad that hubby is seeing how his mom is & how you care for her! Did you try the clear mascara? Don't forget that even with it that you'll need to throw it away & get a new one every 3 months to help avoid infection. I found that out the hard way! Old mascara is no good for my baby blues! Now I don't even bother with it! Hey, just a thought...could you get a few ladies magazines & help your mil do a "makeover" that would give her some other beauty treatments to work with instead of the mascara? Could you get a "professional" to give her the makeover? Sometimes the Avon, Mary Kay ladies around here will do things like that at the nursing homes. Do you have a photo of her with the mascara on really thick & then take one of her without it & brag about how much better & how pretty she is without it? Make sure she's not looking too happy in the mascara one & get her to really smile in the new one...An old saying...Don't know how you look, 'til your picture's been took! ******************************************************************************** Christina, why the tears, sweetie? My grandma always said, "Better out than in", 'course she was talking about a poot, but it still works with tears, too! It's a natural way to release pressure & stress! I wish I could cry more...I seldom cry! I think I'm scared I won't be able to stop if I start! We're here for ya, remmy!!!
Love & hugs to you guys, too! peach Goodnight everybody!
OK, memory, don't fail me now! ******************************************************************************** Bubba Ted, glad that you're staying strong! Glad that you've found out that you're the one who's Large & 'n Charge!!! : ) Keep us updated on the elder atty. ******************************************************************************* Still, I have a Black Belt!!! AND I'm very protective of friends! : ) The logos/shirts/jackets can be seen on my FaceBook wall or I can email photos to you. The OBMAJ one is my profile photo on here right now, too! The OBMAJ thing came from a woman named Amber Jane who was really chastising us here on the thread a while back & Bobbie was trying to tell her what was going on & she told her, "Oh, Bite Me Amber Jane" so that's how the OBMAJ got it's start! If you're having a difficult day, it's a good way to tell somebody off instead of, well, you get the idea, just tell 'em OBMAJ...you know what it is & they don't! LOL You can explain it to 'em if you're so inclined, too! Anyway, if you want one of either design, the OBMAJ or Crew of the Barbara B with the life preserver, just mail me the shirt, jacket, hat or tote that you want it on & $10 for each piece for the embroidery, plus enough money for me to mail it back to you & after I've received everybody's by March 15 I'll take them to be embroideried & then mail them back when they're finished. If you have any questions, please let me know. Did I read somewhere that you're in Atlanta? ******************************************************************************** Miz, I'm SO sorry to hear about your mil!! You & family are in my prayers! Turn as fast as you can & RUN, DO NOT walk away from the mold!!! You're getting some good advice! About your sore throat...try some of the new cough med that has elderberry juice in it. I've been hearing really good reports about it, here locally! Thank you for the card & contents! Let me know about the tank top. Glad to hear about your good review! Sorry to hear about the cut in hours, but Rip is right about still having a job! Things will get better! Please be careful traveling if you guys go to see MIL tomorrow!!! ******************************************************************************** Christina, hope the Hoover Dam is under control now at your house! You're a bright sunshiney spot on this thread! You do so good at encouraging! ******************************************************************************** Jen, how goes the job hunt? ******************************************************************************** Deef, have you got to check on the Patient Assist Programs for medication in your area yet? I hope they have one in your area to help you & hubby! ******************************************************************************** Bonnie O, glad to hear from you, just wish it was under better circumstances! I totally understand about a wayward daughter! I have one! My thoughts & prayers are with you! You're a really good grandma to be there for the kids! I hope your daughter will realize what's going on & will get back on her meds & come home ok! I wish I could help you with the puppy! Wish it was where you could keep him. What did you name him, by the way? ******************************************************************************** Linda, I am SO feeling your pain about Pa! I know, we all stay on edge waiting for a call out in the night, a good appetite at breakfast, everything! Never knowing what the next moment will hold. For us caregivers it's a lot more intense than for anybody else & it bites, but it's part of life & we accept it. I know that even if we're anticipating things to come, it's difficult, but I still think a self-protective messure to help us in those difficult times. It helps us to be prepared, even in a small way. Never making it easy though! Nothing could make it easier! I really liked the way that Stillstanding said it that who she was talking to was in our arms...that's where you are, too! In our arms...remmy you're not alone...we're here for you! ******************************************************************************** Chillout, stay strong! ******************************************************************************** Rossella, ssk, kuli, angie, cuz, elizabeth, diane, ladeeda, pirate, Bobbie, hope you're all staying safe & away from slippery slides towards the black hole!!! PLEASE remmy that we're here for each other...sing out!!! We'll tie a rope & hang on!!! ******************************************************************************** I'm very thankful for Bobbie & this thread & for each of you & your friendship & encouragement! What would my life be like without y'all??? Don't wanna go there!!!
HB, read most of your last post, but I'm exhausted. Been crying all day. Why do we have to notice every little detail in slow-motion? We don't miss a thing. No worries. You're good; venting, dignified screaming via your written word. Pace, Breathe, Don't try to make sense of them. Zoom up and out, and look down upon the Board Game. Farther out you get, the better it looks. It is NOT personal. It's just weird stuff. Big Hugs. xo
deefer I'm thinking that walk should be taken by the col tonight!!!!! I have been chastised and called several choice names and been told how much I hate her and how much she knows I want her to die......all because I told her she was not getting back her blackest black mascara!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I finally told her to quit acting like a tantrum-throwing 2 yr old! Hubby was watching on the camera...when I came upstairs he looked at me and said "I'm so sorry".....We discussed meds and probably going to take her off everything but ditropan, nexium, and add something to keep her mellow....maybe some Valium or Xanax. I just want to scream at her that she's lost all ability to know what goes on in the world around her. She just insisted again that she doesn't need me to do a thing for her. Her reasoning for everything is if it makes her happy to do something, then I should be happy. Oh gee, does that include taking you back and forth to the doctor when you get an infection because YOU have injected bacteria into your fashionable black mascara? If I don't make her wash her hands, she won't and she is too senile to understand bodily fluids on hands transfer to face, food, etc. Duh............I really wish I had the strength to ignore her for a few days and just let her go......her meds are the only reason I can't, but she assures me she is perfectly capable of taking them on her own. Oh is that why you missed 10 days of pm meds and I had to take over administering them? She was regaling me with how excellent her eyesight is, so I leaned over and picked up the magnifying glass and said guess you don't need this anymore then do you? She looks at me and said "don't be a bitch".........I think I mumbled something about a pillow....and damn she knew exactly what I was saying because then I was accused of wanting to kill her. Moi??????? Please Lord, give me strength to withstand this.......hubby is thinking she is due for an attitude adjustment because you could see she was just spoiling for a fight. Better now that I have vented......going to bed.....hubby has dental appt tomorrow and since they use nitrous I need to go with him. Hugz to all!!!!!!
Christina: I think you do have a built in energy reader. I have hit rock bottom. You called it…just saying.
Miz: Be careful about mold. It can make your health a living hell.
Ted: Glad you are getting stuff worked out.
Lhardebeck: You are such an angel.
Ladeeda Chaquita: I’m going bananas.
New posters: Welcome to the thread. Vent on!
And now for the daily rambling of a Headbanger:
I’m trying to get it back together so I can keep doing my thing with a light and happy heart, but feel like I’m swimming upstream against a very fast current and losing ground pretty quickly. My reactions both emotionally and physically to certain types of things are a problem. I am my own worst enemy.
Lately my mother seems to be doing her absolute best to include me in all of hers and grandma’s daily activity even when I’m supposed to be able to step away and take care of my own business. We had switched up our care arrangement this week so that my mother could take today off and visit with a friend that she doesn’t see that often. I was fine with switching days with her so that she could have a bit of fun.
That was until she found a way to include me in Saturday (Full Moon) Sunday, Monday (TIA day), Tuesday (TIA aftermath and Social worker), All f-ing day yesterday (although she KNEW I had other plans) and still watch her today, and tomorrow with a smile on my face. Suddenly I was taking over for, or assisting her all week long with no break at all. Are we at that point now? Has it now become everyday?
We had our company yesterday and did manage to have a good time around the wheelchair potty runs, rubber gloves, chocolate tacos, and hide the tissue. My 24 year-old-daughter was observing care-giving in action, and her husband was quietly giving her “shoot me now” looks. The children were lively and precious. I was overwhelmed being both grandma and care-giving granddaughter at the same time. I had potty time with a baby butt and Grandma butt.
When my Mom came home from work, grandma made sure to tell her I hadn’t fed her all day. We’d had Pizza-Hut and she’d eaten two pieces of her choice of pizza, but no one took care of her all day. My Mom then rushed off to pick up her friend at the airport, leaving me to deal with our quickly becoming agitated Queen of five generations while trying to entertain and say goodbye to our guests.
After last night I’m certain grandma is a sundowner. As she sat on the toilet I could see her face actually changing. Call me crazy, but she became almost buggy-eyed and waxy as the last rays of sunlight said goodnight to the evening sky. I felt like I was looking into the face of the living dead. Grandma was becoming a zombie straight out of a “thriller” video right before my eyes.
Just as quickly, her behavior also changed to coincide with these new facial characteristics. I felt like I was in the middle of an old black and white horror movie. I was transfixed listening to her hiss and growl at me because I tried to stop her from wiping herself with a tissue she just blew her nose into. You CAN get a UTI that way. Grandma would NOT part with that tissue. Screw me to hell, she was keeping it. I was crazy. She knew she didn’t use that tissue, and she was tired of me telling her what to do.
I’m thinking this is a lousy movie…where is the director and why isn’t he yelling CUT? The part of the zombie living dead is obviously being over-played by this actress and she should find a new night job. The screen actor’s guild isn’t paying me enough to take this sh*t from whoever this is. In fact they aren’t paying me at all!
Finally, I was just over the tissue control, I gave in. She could have wiped her tootie with a cactus and I couldn’t have cared less. You just put that sh*tty tissue in your pocket ma’am…people NEED to show those crappy tissues who's the boss. Those tissues work for Number 2 all the time, and they need to learn their place. I know you have plans to introduce your nose to those tissues later, and I won’t intervene in that beautiful relationship. Wipe on sistah….wipe on.
It took all I had to just be mellow and get her a$$ into bed last night. I wanted to chloroform her. Pillow-therapy for the win. I planned to use it on myself. I did manage to make her comfortable and tucked her in all nice and cozy. We always bless her with holy water on her forehead when she is ready to sleep. Tonight I was sure I saw steam rising from the contact but I shook it off. Way too much imagination going on in this head.
Mother came home from picking up her friend at the airport. I watched her mouth with fascination as she spewed every last detail of her perilous highway drama and how she can’t drive at night any more. This is coming on the heels of several other things she can’t do anymore, like put the zombie to bed. I decide I just want to run away. I’m becoming light-headed. My anxiety has me jumping from A to Z… Z is the part where Mom loses her senses and I’m taking care of the two of them. In the new movie, my mother is sitting on grandma’s lap on the toilet and they are BOTH hissing and growling at me while doing vile things to innocent toilet paper.
Suddenly I’m searching my mother’s face for symptoms of sundowner’s….does she look a bit gray to me? While staring blankly at my mother, I am starting to hear some noise coming from the baby monitor…no voices, just movement and sounds of deliberate actions. Mom hears this too and temporarily ceases her bleating about driving 35mph on a 65mph highway as we try and make sense of the noises.
Curiously we open the door to the zombie’s lair. Laying there with her covers kicked off is a wild-eyed woman with clumps of diaper in one hand and her oxygen tubing balled up in the other. She is ripping off her underwear and her diaper and is rambling about jumping over the bedrail. WHY TONIGHT? I’m really trying to figure out why grandma acts this way when I am the one who has the responsibility for her. Would grandma have done it if Mom put her to bed? Maybe, but right now she is just making me feel bad about myself. She’s not taking any responsibility for it either because she can’t remember things a minute after she does it.
One day I want to use that excuse to go shopping, naked, while drinking a mango-margarita. Really officer...I can't remember being at the grocery today. Oh I'm still in the grocery? Does this isle make my thighs look fat? I only have a one-minute memory sir...
I only have 2 weeks to go before respite….can I make it? Only time will tell.
Chillout: you said it best. God help us.
To everyone...thanks for letting me let my steam go. I love you all.
Night everyone. We got 1 to 3" of snow coming in tonight. Got to get the shovel ready. Bobbie Uncle Chuck is back home and back on all his nature pills that put him in the hospital the last time. Had a couple of small strokes but he is doing ok. Love ya Cuz
It was so cold.... It was so cold...hitchhikers were holding up pictures of thumbs. It wa so cold....roosters were rushing into Kentucky Fried Chicken and begging to use the pressure cooker. It was so cold... when they dialed 911, a recorded message said to phone back in the spring. It was so cold...we had to chop up the piano for firewood (but we only got two chords). It was so cold...teens stopped worrying about acne. The new problems was goose pimples. It was so cold...when we milked the cows, we got ice cream. (When we milked the brown cows, we got chocolate ice cream). It was so cold...words froze in the air. If you wanted to hear what someone said, you had to grab a handful of sentences and take them by the fire.
Gone fishing A man calls home and says to his wife, "Honey, I've been asked to go fishing with my boss ay a big lake up in Canada. We'll be gone for a week. This is a good opper- tunity for me to get that promotion, so would you please pack enough clothed for a week and set out my rod and tackle box? We're leaving from the office, but I'll swing by the house to pick up my things. Oh! And please pack my blue silk pajamas." The wife thinks this sounds a little fishy but, be- ing a good wife, she does exactly what her husbans has aked. The following weekend he comes home a little tired but otherwise looking good. His wife welcomes him home and asked if he caught any fish. "We sure did," he says. "Lots of walleye, some blue- gill, and a few pike. But why didn't you pack my new blue silk pajamas like I asked uou to?" "I did. They were in your tackle box."
Ms. America They wanted to allow divorced women to compete in the Miss America pageant. Do you really want to hear, "My dreams for the future include world peace, no more poverty, and that my ex-husband gets hit by a bus"?
I had lunch with 2 of my unmarried friends. One is engaged, one is a mistress, and I have been married for 20+ years. We were chatting about our relationships and decided to amaze our men by greeting them at the door. Wearing a black bra, stiletto heels and a mask over our eyes. We agreed to meet in a few days to exchange notes.. Here's how it all went.
My engaged friend: The other night when my boyfriend came over he found me with a black leather bodice, tall stilettos and a mask. He saw me and said, 'You are the woman of my dreams. I love you.' Then we made passionate love all night long.
The mistress: Me too! The other night I met my lover at his office and I was wearing a raincoat, under it only the black bra, heels and Mask over my eyes. When I opened the raincoat he didn't say a word, but he started to tremble and we had wild sex all night.
Then I had to share my story: When my husband came home I was wearing the black bra, Black stockings, stilettos and a mask over my eyes. When he came in the door and saw me he said,
Thanks, Diane. It's not just the blood clots though. She has so many things going wrong that it's scary. I am hoping she surprises everyone or God grants a miracle. Things just seem to point to cancer and that scares the hell out of me. Last time I saw her she was walking slower than my 92 year old mother did. :(
First, sorry to hear your MIL is doing poorly. I hope she will surprise everyone and conquer these blood clots. Second, make sure that mold is cleaned up before you buy!!!!! You won't be able to get insurance if it has mold. Not to mention the life threatening illnesses you can get from it. I know oyu want a home, but choose wisely my dear.
So So happy I have found you all. Thank you to everyone who sympathizes with the issue of my daughter.
Hubby talked me into adopting another puppy and I am now finding that caring for the pup, taking care of both my parents and helping my grandkids deal with their Mom running away is just too much. If anyone knows of some interested in adopting a 3 month old Silky Terrier please let me know. The pup has champion blood line....mom is a show dog and dadis an agility champ. His original owner paid $1200.00 for him.....we paid $400.00 plus $140.00 to the vet. Would let him go for $500. We have an 11 year old Silkie and I wish I had time for the puppy, but I don't. I need to find him a good home....even willing to except payments. If you think you might be interested let me know.
I have my Mom &Dad's dog here that is 16 years old, my Silkie is 11 years, my daughters cat and my Dad's cat and they all hate him. I need to find him a loving home....very soon. I am in Saint Thomas, Pennsylvania.
Shown below is an actual letter that was sent to a bank by an 86 year old woman. The bank manager thought it amusing enough to have it published in the New York Times.
Dear Sir:
I am writing to thank you for bouncing my check with which I endeavored to pay my plumber last month. By my calculations, three nanoseconds must have elapsed between his presenting the check and the arrival in my account of the funds needed to honor it. I refer, of course, to the automatic monthly deposit of my entire pension, an arrangement which, I admit, has been in place for only eight years. You are to be commended for seizing that brief window of opportunity, and also for debiting my account $30 by way of penalty for the inconvenience caused to your bank. My thankfulness springs from the manner in which this incident has caused me to rethink my errant financial ways. I noticed that whereas I personally answer your telephone calls and letters, when I try to contact you, I am confronted by the impersonal, overcharging, pre-recorded, faceless entity which your bank has become.
From now on, I, like you, choose only to deal with a flesh-and-blood person. My mortgage and loan repayments will therefore and hereafter no longer be automatic, but will arrive at your bank, by check, addressed personally and confidentially to an employee at your bank whom you must nominate. Be aware that it is an offense under the Postal Act for any other person to open such an envelope. Please find attached an Application Contact which I require your chosen employee to complete. I am sorry it runs to eight pages, but in order that I know as much about him or her as your bank knows about me, there is no alternative. Please note that all copies of his or her medical history must be countersigned by a Notary Public, and the mandatory details of his/her financial situation (income, debts, assets and liabilities) must be accompanied by documented proof. In due course, at MY convenience, I will issue your employee with a PIN number which he/she must quote in dealings with me. I regret that it cannot be shorter than 28 digits but, again, I have modeled it on the number of button presses required of me to access my account balance on your phone bank service. As they say, imitation is the sincerest form of flattery.
Let me level the playing field even further. When you call me, press buttons as follows:
IMMEDIATELY AFTER DIALING, PRESS THE STAR (*) BUTTON FOR ENGLISH
#1. To make an appointment to see me
#2. To query a missing payment.
#3. To transfer the call to my living room in case I am there.
#4 To transfer the call to my bedroom in case I am sleeping
#5. To transfer the call to my toilet in case I am attending to nature.
#6.. To transfer the call to my mobile phone if I am not at home
#7. To leave a message on my computer, a password to access my computer is required. Password will be communicated to you at a later date to that Authorized Contact mentioned earlier.
#8. To return to the main menu and to listen to options 1 through 7.
#9. To make a general complaint or inquiry. The contact will then be put on hold, pending the attention of my automated answering service.
#10. This is a second reminder to press* for English. While this may, on occasion, involve a lengthy wait, uplifting music will play for the duration of the call.
Regrettably, but again following your example, I must also levy an establishment fee to cover the setting up of this new arrangement.
Your Humble Client
(Remember: This was written by an 86 year old woman -'YA JUST GOTTA LOVE? US SENIORS" !!!!! )
And remember: Don't make old people mad. We don't like being old in the first place, so it doesn't take much to set us off..
Miz ~ What Still said about mold. It can be devastating, deadly stuff. Try not to be impulsive, especially since you have way too much horrible stuff going on. So so sorry about your MIL. Lots of deep breaths ...
Better a cut in hours than losing yur job. In this struggling economy it's nice when a company can take a little from everyone & still function rather than slashing jobs or crashing the business. Does that make sense? Might be a good business move for now. The hours may increase when revenue improves.
Thank You So Much, still. And, I will take your suggestions to heart. We don't want a mess or health hazard on our hands. But if we can get it taken care of it would be a really good investment. Yes, the cut in pay sucks bad. We need every dime. It's so hard because I really love my job. It's ironic. I get a really good review and now I feel like why try so hard if they are gonna cut my hours?? But, I'm not that kind of person. I will continue to do a good job. BUT, if MIL needs us, we will be there for her, job or not. Thanks for answering my post so quickly. Gives me hope somehow. :)
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Thank you to everyone for your support. I'm not back yet, just checking in. More estimators, and right now the restoration guy is removing the dehumidifiers, but I still have the droning noise in my ears. I am like Inspector Dreyfus after a long siege with Clouseau. More later--HB, Bobbie, Jam, SSK, Linda, Peach, Miz, BJ, et al--thanks for your well-wishes. I
can handle WWIII if I have to, but not with Mother here and having to be moved to where she cannot get to without much assistance. She complains if you walk by her too quickly and create a breeze. It's so COLD in here. Sigh.
Love you guys, Hugs
christina
love ya, ssk
yes get the right meds to get them to calm down . i would prob have quit , cuz i cant handle that kind of voilets ,
my pa was lit stubborn when he first came to stay with me , then he just got sweetier . he still has his mind .
down in the dumps today . messy house . seems like im the only one that does anything around here . in fact i think i am the only ones .
ladeeda- i hope ur knee heals up real quick . let us know what the doc says .
christina- my bracelet is huggin ur wrist , when u want to cry i ll cry with you . :-(
miz - i would have ask to remove the molds before u buy em , so it that way you and hubby could just move in and be one happy married couple , without slavin workin so hard on the molds ,
bobbie- yep roll up ur sleaves and make me some mean ass coffee . cuz i need to clean up around here , nasty dust cat hair u name it ., sick of it , dust is just bad as the mold is . i hate to dust cuz i get sick after im done dustin , so i try not to dust , lol ,
wheres the beach at ? im so ready , thinkoftheboatttttt . xoxoxo
Bobbie: you are one of a kind. I love your advice, it is so practical and better yet has been tested so you know what you are talking about. I could sit at your feet and listen all day.
Christina: Hope your feeling better. My bathroom was full of water yesterday. We discovered that because the water has been spilling over the sides of the tub upstairs when gran is bathed by the NA's, the floor around the tub is starting to rot away. Lovely, I will have that tub I always wanted, but I have to give up the ceiling to get it. LOL I should be more careful of what I wish for. I just hope grandma isn't in the tub when it is delivered.
Miz & Peach: Still keeping your family in our intentions.
Gran is quiet today and a little snippy. She and Susan Boyle are upstairs becoming reaquainted. She is reading the same page of Susan's book she usually does and is retelling the story about when she and her sister were in the audience where Susan first sang. They were teenagers and it was in Pennsylvania. It was her boyfriend that started the booing for that poor woman....She was so angry.....zzzzzzzzzz
I'm nodding a bunch today. I'll need a cervical collar before today is over.
Hugs all round~
HB
My mom is doing a lot better, so now I'm thinking she's going to live for quite a bit longer. She is eating, and can walk if I walk backwards holding both of her hands, just sleeps alot. I'll just take things as they come. Rainy day here in MA, have beef stew in the crock pot.
still, I saw something on the news about a dobie who had fallen into a canal and was treading water and was saved by some dolphins. I'm not sure if it was in Florida. thought of you .
ladeeda, sorry for your horrible day and knee injury!
I'm distracted now by another cooking show, hope you are having a good day today.
ssk
Got my son to come over last night, so I would have some help during the night if I needed it. They never even offered to take her to thier house. So I was tooling around in the wheelchair this morning because my knee is too swollen to walk or put any weight on it. When I heard Ruth, I went to wake up my son and got caught in the hall and could not get out. I thought of all of you, I was laughing so
hard. If I ever loose my sense of humor someone is going to get hurt.
Will check back with you guys after ER visit and her Dr. visit and let ya'll know if I am still employed. It is totally my call at this stage. NO MORE, I AM DONE...
Ladeeda! Don't discount your writing! you are GOOD! your Lady is over the top with the caregiver abuse. Please make sure that the family understands that your hospital and er visits will be paid by their homeowners insurance. Also, a 2 week paid respite so you can begin to heal. do you have another place to stay while they 'deal' with their relative? Suing them will be a pain you don't need so get what's right, right now! they'll give it to you!!
I have had a knee injury and it is nothing to screw with. Rest it now or pay later.
Headbanger!! on this thread we will say: thinkoftheboatthinkoftheboat to get us through sh!!y times. You have a countdown going on to India! Wow. thinkofIndiathinkofIndiathinkofIndia.
It just may make the intolerable more tolerable.
Back on the thread I wrote about dishing out some tough love and how it worked for my mom.
You YELL: IT IS NOT OK FOR YOU TO TALK TO ME THIS WAY! IT IS NOT OK FOR YOU TO ACT THIS WAY WITH ME!!
this is BIg News to the offender and can be a virtual slap in the face to change very bad and abusive behavior in order for you to continue on with the caregiving.
I had to tell my mom that the bs stopped or I had to go. Everybody's Dementia is different but mom got it and the bad, abusive behavior changed.
We as caregivers are in a damned if we do, damed if we don't situation. Outsiders are clueless and we are naturally afraid of 'yelling' at our elders even when instinctually we know that it just may work.
Miz! I have a thought (and experience) with Black Toxic Mold. That's the bad ju ju. All other mold is still bad, but the black toxic variety is scary nuts.
BTM can cause, wait for it...... Dementia, among other things. I believe that it was a contributing factor with my mom and I became an expert on the removal of said mold. I am the one who remediated my mom's house because no one else would enter it.
After doing the research on the 'net, I got the equipment and the haz mat suits (only good for one wear), correct respirator with replacement cartridges and a way to wash down when I left the contamination so I wouldn't carry it somewhere else.
It is not an undoable situation so my advice here is going to be different than that of the others.
The advice to get a home inspector is right on just to find out exactly where the mold is. If the house is a short sale the 'owner' is no longer involved and the house will not be repaired before sale. Hence the dramatic price disparity between that house and others in the same neighborhood. This can work to your advantage but you need to know a few things:
Sheetrock. If the mold is on either side of the Sheetrock, the whole piece comes out. Mold cannot be cleaned off of Sheetrock I don't care what the 'experts' say. sheetrock way too porous.
Insulation. Same applies here.
In order to correctly figure your hard costs on the house, figure the replacement of all Sheetrock and insulation to begin with.
Ionizer. Mold needs moisture, dark and oxygen. With mom's house I used a commercial ionizer (about 700 bucks) and ran it for 12 hours and then it was off for 4 hours so I could breathe through the respirator without breathing charged ions when I showed up to work in the morning. I would work in the house and bag stuff to be removed and then when I left I would set the ionizer to run again. The ionizer removes all the oxygen in the air and effectively stops further growth as long as you stay on it with the rest of the program.
With the ciderblocks in the basment, I used TSP, (tri sodium phospate) and bleach and scrubbed the walls with a very stiff bristle brush and the mold was eradicated from there also.
After removing the moldy Sheetrock and insulation, this method would be applied to the framing of the house.
It took 3 months to clear the mold, but I did it and tested the air quality in the house in ALL the rooms including basement and it tested clean.
The reason I would investigate the remediation of the mold is that at the end of it you will wind up in a way better neighborhood with way more house for your buck.
With husband self employed and calling his own hours, it just may work for you as opposed to someone who was trying to hold down 40 hours a week AND build a house. Ow.
As far as buying the house: you can make an offer dependent on the settlement of your mom's estate and they can totally write the paper that way. Please make sure you have enough for the expenses of mold remediation, Major renovation and housing while this is going on because, as I am sure you are aware, you can NOT live there while it is happening.
You will want to test and wait for the lab resuts before you move anything into the house.
I moved mom into one of the apartments in her building while I went to 'work' everyday cleaning mold and God only knows what else out of that house. It was hard but I did it.
Your husband is 20 years younger than me and a lot stronger and he can do it too.
The most important aspect of this is to be true to yourself and don't just go into the house without a respirator and haz mat suit (white Tyvek suits available at Home Depot) and then come back to where you'll be living with mold spores all over you and your clothes.
It'll be a ball buster but it is doable. Just be very very careful.
I am sorry to hear about your husband's mom. awful. Do you think that he would be up for such a task with his mom in the state she's in?
Deef!! wassup?
Christina! I spent day before yesterday crying all day missing my mom and dad and sad about my goofy childhood with all the unnecessary drama that went on. Breath little one. Here we all know your pain. With me personally, I work hard to understand that what was was and what is is.
That's why I say a LOT: It is what it is. Doesn't stop it from hurting tho..... I just try to breathe and get focused on somthing else. Easier said than done, but like the mold... I don't give up!
BonnieO! sorry about your daughter and the fact that she is adding to your burden. Poor little kids. Sux being abandoned.
Linda! give Pa a kiss and you are doing everything right! When the time comes you will have the peaceful knowledge that you did well by your Pa and that you guys had time together that is truly precious.
SSK! how are you doing?
Jam! glad you got out to do some Harrah's and get some respite and it sounds like you guys had a great time at your husband's retirement bash! yay!!
the col is demented, therefore civil discourse is not going to happen. You are dealing with a certifiable crazy person and nothing is going to make sense so don't make yourself nuts by buying into what she is saying.
What she is saying doesn't matter an iota. next.
Ted! knowledge is Power! Congrats! victim no more.
Jen! take some of FP's assets, convert them into cash and do what you need to do. screw being destitute after all you have done. Pitch a fit until they unhast the cash and go and get yourself a car and some clothes.
My mom hid all of her assets from me so I spent my entire portfolio fixing her moldy falling down house and daily expenses until I had had enough and told her that that money is there to take care of HER and ME while I go through this nightmare. If you don't spend it now on FP's household when will it get spent? When everybody is so sick and beat down nothing will matter any more? Oh... my bad, already there.
congrats on the job search! you amazing writer you.
To the rest of the crew that I have not named, please know that I think of you guys all day long and into the night.
thinkoftheboatthinkoftheboat.... or in HB's case: thinkofIndiathinkofIndia.....
more later, I have to literally think of the boat and go to work.
lovbob
Girl my heart is going out to you! I worry about you so much because she is so violent. I hope that YOU get the care you need.
I hope that her Doctor puts her on something. At this point no one would blame you if you walked away from this job. She could easily have stuck that crochet hook in you. She kicks you while you are down. Ladeeda I fear for your personal safety.
I have a sundowning zombie, you have a sundowning greater demon. Her physical attacks put you at a great disadvantage. You don't feel like you can fight back, she's going to the doctor and you don't want to leave battle marks on her, so you now have a injury that will put you at greater risk. You won't be balanced and she will have the upper hand.
Please keep us informed. The knee doesn't sound good at all.
Love & hugs
HB
when sil got home he asked if I need to go to er. I told him I called my son and we will decide what to do. To make a long story short, I really think they are more worried about getting sued than the face I am unable to walk and take care of ........., oh I just can't find the printable words......She has her Dr. appt. today, I will not go as planned as I will be either at the Dr. or ER. My knee is swollen twice its size, can put no pressure on my foot. DAMN IT DAMN IT DAMN IT....if that dr. does not put her on some serious meds, I quit. Plain and simple. .
I do have one visual thought for ya'll I am using the vile ones wheelchair as I can not walk.... getting outside to smoke is an ordeal, wonder if I will get fired if I smoked in the house,,, ohhh, one can only hope....
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HB, keep venting & looking or encouragement from your Gross family & you'll make it to respite time! No problem! You know that you're gonna have to have enough fun for all of us, don't 'cha?!?! : )
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Jam, glad that hubby is seeing how his mom is & how you care for her! Did you try the clear mascara? Don't forget that even with it that you'll need to throw it away & get a new one every 3 months to help avoid infection. I found that out the hard way! Old mascara is no good for my baby blues! Now I don't even bother with it! Hey, just a thought...could you get a few ladies magazines & help your mil do a "makeover" that would give her some other beauty treatments to work with instead of the mascara? Could you get a "professional" to give her the makeover? Sometimes the Avon, Mary Kay ladies around here will do things like that at the nursing homes. Do you have a photo of her with the mascara on really thick & then take one of her without it & brag about how much better & how pretty she is without it? Make sure she's not looking too happy in the mascara one & get her to really smile in the new one...An old saying...Don't know how you look, 'til your picture's been took!
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Christina, why the tears, sweetie? My grandma always said, "Better out than in", 'course she was talking about a poot, but it still works with tears, too! It's a natural way to release pressure & stress! I wish I could cry more...I seldom cry! I think I'm scared I won't be able to stop if I start! We're here for ya, remmy!!!
Love & hugs to you guys, too!
peach
Goodnight everybody!
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Bubba Ted, glad that you're staying strong! Glad that you've found out that you're the one who's Large & 'n Charge!!! : ) Keep us updated on the elder atty.
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Still, I have a Black Belt!!! AND I'm very protective of friends! : ) The logos/shirts/jackets can be seen on my FaceBook wall or I can email photos to you. The OBMAJ one is my profile photo on here right now, too! The OBMAJ thing came from a woman named Amber Jane who was really chastising us here on the thread a while back & Bobbie was trying to tell her what was going on & she told her, "Oh, Bite Me Amber Jane" so that's how the OBMAJ got it's start! If you're having a difficult day, it's a good way to tell somebody off instead of, well, you get the idea, just tell 'em OBMAJ...you know what it is & they don't! LOL You can explain it to 'em if you're so inclined, too! Anyway, if you want one of either design, the OBMAJ or Crew of the Barbara B with the life preserver, just mail me the shirt, jacket, hat or tote that you want it on & $10 for each piece for the embroidery, plus enough money for me to mail it back to you & after I've received everybody's by March 15 I'll take them to be embroideried & then mail them back when they're finished. If you have any questions, please let me know. Did I read somewhere that you're in Atlanta?
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Miz, I'm SO sorry to hear about your mil!! You & family are in my prayers! Turn as fast as you can & RUN, DO NOT walk away from the mold!!! You're getting some good advice! About your sore throat...try some of the new cough med that has elderberry juice in it. I've been hearing really good reports about it, here locally! Thank you for the card & contents! Let me know about the tank top. Glad to hear about your good review! Sorry to hear about the cut in hours, but Rip is right about still having a job! Things will get better! Please be careful traveling if you guys go to see MIL tomorrow!!!
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Christina, hope the Hoover Dam is under control now at your house! You're a bright sunshiney spot on this thread! You do so good at encouraging!
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Jen, how goes the job hunt?
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Deef, have you got to check on the Patient Assist Programs for medication in your area yet? I hope they have one in your area to help you & hubby!
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Bonnie O, glad to hear from you, just wish it was under better circumstances! I totally understand about a wayward daughter! I have one! My thoughts & prayers are with you! You're a really good grandma to be there for the kids! I hope your daughter will realize what's going on & will get back on her meds & come home ok! I wish I could help you with the puppy! Wish it was where you could keep him. What did you name him, by the way?
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Linda, I am SO feeling your pain about Pa! I know, we all stay on edge waiting for a call out in the night, a good appetite at breakfast, everything! Never knowing what the next moment will hold. For us caregivers it's a lot more intense than for anybody else & it bites, but it's part of life & we accept it. I know that even if we're anticipating things to come, it's difficult, but I still think a self-protective messure to help us in those difficult times. It helps us to be prepared, even in a small way. Never making it easy though! Nothing could make it easier! I really liked the way that Stillstanding said it that who she was talking to was in our arms...that's where you are, too! In our arms...remmy you're not alone...we're here for you!
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Chillout, stay strong!
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Rossella, ssk, kuli, angie, cuz, elizabeth, diane, ladeeda, pirate, Bobbie, hope you're all staying safe & away from slippery slides towards the black hole!!! PLEASE remmy that we're here for each other...sing out!!! We'll tie a rope & hang on!!!
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I'm very thankful for Bobbie & this thread & for each of you & your friendship & encouragement! What would my life be like without y'all??? Don't wanna go there!!!
Love & hugs from the PEACH state!!! smile!
We don't miss a thing. No worries. You're good; venting, dignified screaming via your written word.
Pace, Breathe, Don't try to make sense of them.
Zoom up and out, and look down upon the Board Game. Farther out you get, the better it looks. It is NOT personal. It's just weird stuff. Big Hugs. xo
Christina: I think you do have a built in energy reader. I have hit rock bottom. You called it…just saying.
Miz: Be careful about mold. It can make your health a living hell.
Ted: Glad you are getting stuff worked out.
Lhardebeck: You are such an angel.
Ladeeda Chaquita: I’m going bananas.
New posters: Welcome to the thread. Vent on!
And now for the daily rambling of a Headbanger:
I’m trying to get it back together so I can keep doing my thing with a light and happy heart, but feel like I’m swimming upstream against a very fast current and losing ground pretty quickly. My reactions both emotionally and physically to certain types of things are a problem. I am my own worst enemy.
Lately my mother seems to be doing her absolute best to include me in all of hers and grandma’s daily activity even when I’m supposed to be able to step away and take care of my own business. We had switched up our care arrangement this week so that my mother could take today off and visit with a friend that she doesn’t see that often. I was fine with switching days with her so that she could have a bit of fun.
That was until she found a way to include me in Saturday (Full Moon) Sunday, Monday (TIA day), Tuesday (TIA aftermath and Social worker), All f-ing day yesterday (although she KNEW I had other plans) and still watch her today, and tomorrow with a smile on my face. Suddenly I was taking over for, or assisting her all week long with no break at all. Are we at that point now? Has it now become everyday?
We had our company yesterday and did manage to have a good time around the wheelchair potty runs, rubber gloves, chocolate tacos, and hide the tissue. My 24 year-old-daughter was observing care-giving in action, and her husband was quietly giving her “shoot me now” looks. The children were lively and precious. I was overwhelmed being both grandma and care-giving granddaughter at the same time. I had potty time with a baby butt and Grandma butt.
When my Mom came home from work, grandma made sure to tell her I hadn’t fed her all day. We’d had Pizza-Hut and she’d eaten two pieces of her choice of pizza, but no one took care of her all day. My Mom then rushed off to pick up her friend at the airport, leaving me to deal with our quickly becoming agitated Queen of five generations while trying to entertain and say goodbye to our guests.
After last night I’m certain grandma is a sundowner. As she sat on the toilet I could see her face actually changing. Call me crazy, but she became almost buggy-eyed and waxy as the last rays of sunlight said goodnight to the evening sky. I felt like I was looking into the face of the living dead. Grandma was becoming a zombie straight out of a “thriller” video right before my eyes.
Just as quickly, her behavior also changed to coincide with these new facial characteristics. I felt like I was in the middle of an old black and white horror movie. I was transfixed listening to her hiss and growl at me because I tried to stop her from wiping herself with a tissue she just blew her nose into. You CAN get a UTI that way. Grandma would NOT part with that tissue. Screw me to hell, she was keeping it. I was crazy. She knew she didn’t use that tissue, and she was tired of me telling her what to do.
I’m thinking this is a lousy movie…where is the director and why isn’t he yelling CUT? The part of the zombie living dead is obviously being over-played by this actress and she should find a new night job. The screen actor’s guild isn’t paying me enough to take this sh*t from whoever this is. In fact they aren’t paying me at all!
Finally, I was just over the tissue control, I gave in. She could have wiped her tootie with a cactus and I couldn’t have cared less. You just put that sh*tty tissue in your pocket ma’am…people NEED to show those crappy tissues who's the boss. Those tissues work for Number 2 all the time, and they need to learn their place. I know you have plans to introduce your nose to those tissues later, and I won’t intervene in that beautiful relationship. Wipe on sistah….wipe on.
It took all I had to just be mellow and get her a$$ into bed last night. I wanted to chloroform her. Pillow-therapy for the win. I planned to use it on myself. I did manage to make her comfortable and tucked her in all nice and cozy. We always bless her with holy water on her forehead when she is ready to sleep. Tonight I was sure I saw steam rising from the contact but I shook it off. Way too much imagination going on in this head.
Mother came home from picking up her friend at the airport. I watched her mouth with fascination as she spewed every last detail of her perilous highway drama and how she can’t drive at night any more. This is coming on the heels of several other things she can’t do anymore, like put the zombie to bed. I decide I just want to run away. I’m becoming light-headed. My anxiety has me jumping from A to Z… Z is the part where Mom loses her senses and I’m taking care of the two of them. In the new movie, my mother is sitting on grandma’s lap on the toilet and they are BOTH hissing and growling at me while doing vile things to innocent toilet paper.
Suddenly I’m searching my mother’s face for symptoms of sundowner’s….does she look a bit gray to me? While staring blankly at my mother, I am starting to hear some noise coming from the baby monitor…no voices, just movement and sounds of deliberate actions. Mom hears this too and temporarily ceases her bleating about driving 35mph on a 65mph highway as we try and make sense of the noises.
Curiously we open the door to the zombie’s lair. Laying there with her covers kicked off is a wild-eyed woman with clumps of diaper in one hand and her oxygen tubing balled up in the other. She is ripping off her underwear and her diaper and is rambling about jumping over the bedrail. WHY TONIGHT? I’m really trying to figure out why grandma acts this way when I am the one who has the responsibility for her. Would grandma have done it if Mom put her to bed? Maybe, but right now she is just making me feel bad about myself. She’s not taking any responsibility for it either because she can’t remember things a minute after she does it.
One day I want to use that excuse to go shopping, naked, while drinking a mango-margarita. Really officer...I can't remember being at the grocery today. Oh I'm still in the grocery? Does this isle make my thighs look fat? I only have a one-minute memory sir...
I only have 2 weeks to go before respite….can I make it? Only time will tell.
Chillout: you said it best. God help us.
To everyone...thanks for letting me let my steam go. I love you all.
Love n Stuff
HB
Bobbie Uncle Chuck is back home and back on all his nature pills that put him in the hospital the last time. Had a couple of small strokes but he is doing ok.
Love ya Cuz
It was so cold...hitchhikers were holding up pictures
of thumbs.
It wa so cold....roosters were rushing into Kentucky
Fried Chicken and begging to use the pressure cooker.
It was so cold... when they dialed 911, a recorded
message said to phone back in the spring.
It was so cold...we had to chop up the piano for
firewood (but we only got two chords).
It was so cold...teens stopped worrying about acne.
The new problems was goose pimples.
It was so cold...when we milked the cows, we got
ice cream. (When we milked the brown cows, we got
chocolate ice cream).
It was so cold...words froze in the air. If you wanted
to hear what someone said, you had to grab a handful of
sentences and take them by the fire.
A man calls home and says to his wife, "Honey, I've
been asked to go fishing with my boss ay a big lake up in
Canada. We'll be gone for a week. This is a good opper-
tunity for me to get that promotion, so would you please
pack enough clothed for a week and set out my rod and
tackle box? We're leaving from the office, but I'll swing
by the house to pick up my things. Oh! And please pack
my blue silk pajamas."
The wife thinks this sounds a little fishy but, be-
ing a good wife, she does exactly what her husbans
has aked.
The following weekend he comes home a little tired
but otherwise looking good. His wife welcomes him home
and asked if he caught any fish.
"We sure did," he says. "Lots of walleye, some blue-
gill, and a few pike. But why didn't you pack my new blue
silk pajamas like I asked uou to?"
"I did. They were in your tackle box."
They wanted to allow divorced women to compete
in the Miss America pageant. Do you really want to hear,
"My dreams for the future include world peace, no more
poverty, and that my ex-husband gets hit by a bus"?
For you married folks ..............
The Black Bra (as told by a woman)
I had lunch with 2 of my unmarried friends.
One is engaged, one is a mistress, and I have
been married for 20+ years.
We were chatting about our relationships and
decided to amaze our men by greeting them at the door.
Wearing a black bra, stiletto heels and a mask
over our eyes. We agreed to meet in a few days
to exchange notes..
Here's how it all went.
My engaged friend:
The other night when my boyfriend came over he
found me with a black leather bodice, tall stilettos
and a mask.
He saw me and said, 'You are the woman of
my dreams.
I love you.' Then we made passionate love all
night long.
The mistress:
Me too! The other night I met my lover at his office
and I was wearing a raincoat, under it only the
black bra, heels and
Mask over my eyes. When I opened the raincoat
he didn't say a word, but he started to tremble
and we had wild sex all night.
Then I had to share my story:
When my husband came home I was wearing
the black bra,
Black stockings, stilettos and a mask over my eyes.
When he came in the door and saw me he said,
(you are going to love this)
What's for dinner, Zorro?"
First, sorry to hear your MIL is doing poorly. I hope she will surprise everyone and conquer these blood clots.
Second, make sure that mold is cleaned up before you buy!!!!! You won't be able to get insurance if it has mold. Not to mention the life threatening illnesses you can get from it. I know oyu want a home, but choose wisely my dear.
Luv ya,
Diane
Hubby talked me into adopting another puppy and I am now finding that caring for the pup, taking care of both my parents and helping my grandkids deal with their Mom running away is just too much. If anyone knows of some interested in adopting a 3 month old Silky Terrier please let me know. The pup has champion blood line....mom is a show dog and dadis an agility champ. His original owner paid $1200.00 for him.....we paid $400.00 plus $140.00 to the vet. Would let him go for $500. We have an 11 year old Silkie and I wish I had time for the puppy, but I don't. I need to find him a good home....even willing to except payments. If you think you might be interested let me know.
I have my Mom &Dad's dog here that is 16 years old, my Silkie is 11 years, my daughters cat and my Dad's cat and they all hate him. I need to find him a loving home....very soon. I am in Saint Thomas, Pennsylvania.
Shown below is an actual letter that was sent to a bank by an 86 year old woman. The bank manager thought it amusing enough to have it published in the New York Times.
Dear Sir:
I am writing to thank you for bouncing my check with which I
endeavored to pay my plumber last month. By my calculations, three nanoseconds must have elapsed between his presenting the check and the arrival in my account of the funds needed to honor it. I refer, of course, to the automatic monthly deposit of my entire pension, an arrangement which, I admit, has been in
place for only eight years. You are to be commended for seizing that brief window of opportunity, and also for debiting my account $30 by way of penalty for the inconvenience caused to your bank. My thankfulness springs from the manner in which this incident has caused me to rethink my errant financial ways. I noticed that whereas I personally answer your telephone calls and letters, when I try to contact you, I am confronted by the impersonal, overcharging, pre-recorded, faceless entity which your bank has become.
From now on, I, like you, choose only to deal with a flesh-and-blood person. My mortgage and loan repayments will therefore and hereafter no longer be automatic, but will arrive at your bank, by check, addressed personally and confidentially to an employee at your bank whom you must nominate. Be aware that it is an offense under the Postal Act for any other person to open such an envelope. Please find attached an Application Contact which I require your chosen employee to complete. I am sorry it runs to eight pages, but in order that I know as much about him or her as your bank knows about me, there is no alternative. Please note that all copies of his or her medical history must be countersigned by a Notary Public, and the
mandatory details of his/her financial situation (income, debts, assets and liabilities) must be accompanied by documented proof. In due course, at MY convenience, I will issue your employee with a PIN number which he/she must quote in dealings with me. I regret that it cannot be shorter than 28
digits but, again, I have modeled it on the number of button presses required of me to access my account balance on your phone bank service. As they say, imitation is the sincerest form of flattery.
Let me level the playing field even further. When you call me,
press buttons as follows:
IMMEDIATELY AFTER DIALING, PRESS THE STAR (*) BUTTON FOR ENGLISH
#1. To make an appointment to see me
#2. To query a missing payment.
#3. To transfer the call to my living room in case I am there.
#4 To transfer the call to my bedroom in case I am sleeping
#5. To transfer the call to my toilet in case I am attending to
nature.
#6.. To transfer the call to my mobile phone if I am not at home
#7. To leave a message on my computer, a password to access my computer is required. Password will be communicated to you at a later date to that Authorized Contact mentioned earlier.
#8. To return to the main menu and to listen to options 1 through
7.
#9. To make a general complaint or inquiry. The contact will then
be put on hold, pending the attention of my automated answering service.
#10. This is a second reminder to press* for English. While this
may, on occasion, involve a lengthy wait, uplifting music will play for the duration of the call.
Regrettably, but again following your example, I must also levy an
establishment fee to cover the setting up of this new arrangement.
Your Humble Client
(Remember: This was written by an 86 year old woman -'YA JUST GOTTA LOVE? US SENIORS" !!!!! )
And remember: Don't make old people mad. We don't like being old in the first place, so it doesn't take much to set us off..
What Still said about mold. It can be devastating, deadly stuff. Try not to be impulsive, especially since you have way too much horrible stuff going on.
So so sorry about your MIL. Lots of deep breaths ...
Better a cut in hours than losing yur job. In this struggling economy it's nice when a company can take a little from everyone & still function rather than slashing jobs or crashing the business. Does that make sense?
Might be a good business move for now. The hours may increase when revenue improves.
try to do something good for yourself ~
love,
miz