Grossed out and need to vent—I just caught Mom using my toothbrush to comb her hair!

Linda, do you really think the little bull would know the difference ?? lol

Bobbie, great welcome for Ethel. But we know "THEY" read only a small part, post and run. Maybe we should rename the thread "If you can't hang with the big dogs, then stay on the porch!!"

Ted, I am NOT going to hurt that babies feelings by calling him Ethel!!!! Thanks for making me laugh out loud...
Maybe now Ted, you are feeling some of what I felt after the hurricane. Everything was gone, I was sad, confused and yet relieved. I feel many times we do things that we think we "should" do, when in reality it has nothing to do with where we are in our lives at the time. Grateful you have one less thing weighing you down, more energy for school... Texas hugs for you!!
Jen, I also have rocks from childhood. I know at the time of finding them, our history is somewhat the same, that I felt an anchor to the earth. something solid to hang on to. I live in the part of Texas that has petrified wood everywhere. My best find was two pieces of petrified palm wood. Didn't even know it at the time, but it is the rock of Texas. Have even found a spear head, AND a 1916 standing liberty quarter.... I almost fainted. I wanted to get a shovel and start digging, but had snuck on someone's private property. Took the quarter and ran...lol

Ok now for the bad news. I slipped in the shower yesterday. Landed on my bad leg. and just stood there and cried. From pain, frustration, self-pity, just let it all out. When I told BG you would have thought I did it on purpose, yes that's it BG, I just wanted more time to be indebted to you, to set in isolation, and be your hostage for a while longer... thoughts not out loud words... If I ever let 'er fly, that little thing will just be a greasy spot. By the way, she is only 4ft.9in. I could just drop kick her across the yard.
By the way ya'll, there will be more babies coming, so all the names can be used. But no Ethels, or Amber Janes. And the little bull will eventually be sold, and go on to make some future mama's very happy, if you get my meaning...
So, ice packs and working with clay today. Love ya'll and would be more crazy than I am without ya'll theses past few months. I appreciate that ya'll have accepted me on the boat, but what a perfect place to be. On a boat with a broken knee, and everyone there is a caregiver. I would either be smothered by attention or thrown overboard by someone who is way past burn out. love ya'll and hugs across the miles.

Didn't know which picture hubby was putting in. That's me on the right...unsmiling son and daughter-in-law. We were walking through Caesar's.

Love to all,
Jam

Just wanted to pop in and say hi.......trying to get caught up on posts as I can. So if I interject something in the middle of someone else's post.....will be heading home tomorrow evening....Vegas supposed to be in the 80's this week.....hah hah hah ......today is in the 50's.....oh well. Losing money.....my son and his wife were up $700 as of yesterday....they are not sharing their secret.....col giving temp caregiver a fit.....arguing about changing wet undies.....trying to get her to take her to Wal-Mart to buy hot rollers....Oh Lord!!!!!!!

Love and Hugz from Vegas,
Jam

Linda! thinkoftheboat thinkoftheboat! thinkoftheboat.

glad your sis was there! I know that you have got to hurt like crazy and hopefully you can get some massage from the husband!!

Linda, we are here and we're not going anywhere. you just keep writing that black hole away from you and in a flash of time your turn for the light at the end of the tunnel will come.

We are going to have a screaming good time and have boat drinks with little umbrellas in them!!! Lindaheart! Don't lose heart!

lovbob

BOBBIE - URE SO SWEET . didnt have a very good week , lack of sleep . pa s wake every 2 hrs needinbathroom or just planie hungry ! decided tnite not to forget to give him his meds so he can be relax and maybe sleep all night ,
he sure was a baby huey this mornin . got up no pblm to get in wheelchair till we got to the bathroom and he acted like he couldnt stand up , tried to pull a fast one on me well not fast enuff he wound up on the floor , blew him away his face was white as a ghost , i said i told u pa that i am so weak i hurt all over and u thought u could makemy job harder ugh welp now what , he said i can crawl , by that time my sis peak in bathroom and didnt see pa on the toilet and looked down was shocked ! i told her now what ? she and i use our strenght to get him up and back in wheelchair . i just glad she was here .
told dad no funny stuff now when he said he had to go bathroom . this time he did stand up straight and tall . sis ask me if he fell down hard ? i said no i ease him down cuz i couldnt hold him up ,
i am seeing alot of black holes here and there all week long , i just cant wait for may 7th BOB SEGAR shall lift my spirits up !
you all shall have a nice light at the end of tunnel u all were talkin about , i only see dark ends . :-(

THOUGHT ETHEL IS A GIRLS NAME ?

Hey Ethel,
if you are still here, we are just tired caregivers stuck like a fly in amber with the heavy duties of taking 24/7/365 care of a parent or relative.
If you are the 'caregivee' as opposed to the caregiver, some of this thread could be very hard on you, but you will understand the toll it takes on a human being to do this.
If you have early Dementia or AD or any of the terrible diseases that afflict us, please accept our heartfelt sympathy. You are very brave and that is what I told my mom over and over again to the day she died holding my hands and looking into my eyes. I loved her above and beyond and she knew it. I, like the caregivers on this site, devoted my entire life to her for many years and I did it out of LOVE.

I was lucky enough to find this site and then lucky enough to be allowed to create this thread in order to vent about how hard it is. Now I am dealing with the PTSD that follows long term caregiving, and my friends that I have found here help me as I hope I continue to help them through their days.

The human being that is tasked with the care of a full on adult soon learns that it is NOTHING like raising a child.

You suggest to your daughter while you still can that she gets help because this level of caregiving can kill a person. Your daughter is very brave also. And an angel.

On a another topic, what the VA does and does not do in support of our Military and the spouses that keep them going is criminal. I sincerely hope that you get the support you and your daughter need so you don't have to worry.
You deserve all of the benefits of a still married dependent and I hope you take them to the shed and get those benefits.
lovbob

Brilliant!!

That's it! Lets name the bull Ethel!

Hey Ethel!
Welcome to the Grossed Out thread!
I am so sorry that your kids are disgusted with you.
Speaking for myself, I was a perfect child and never did anything wrong.
I even changed my own diapers.
lovbob

Don't think I ever did that. Did you?? No I didn't. Maybe Tommy did or Joan?? Can't remember. Didn't despise her, didn't despise me. lmao.

SHAME ON YOU ! SHAME ON YOU ! LOL

OBMAJ!!

Well , all I can say is :
When My kids get disgusted at me , as they very often do .. I remind them "
They used MY toothbrush many times as a kid .to play in the comode and many other things ... I bought myself a new one .. all the things ur parents are doing now .. KNOW ..that u once did same thing to that poor helpless mom OR Dad. did they dispise u . ?

Thanks for sharing,miz, that there IS light at the end of the caregiving tunnel!

Hi Everyone. Well, that part is over. The realtor for this house left a little bit ago and so hubby and I can relax a little. I was happy to hear that she is probably not going to recommend putting a lot of money into the house to sell it. She said it's a good solid house with no gaping problems or something like that. Water heater and furnace are relatively new. She hated the tile in the bathrooms. Pink and black. Hubby kinda likes it. Go figure. Hubby was smart enough to ask that the report be sent to me and not just my brother. Will be interesting to see what she thinks the house is worth as it is. We are so ready to be out of here. No more spies next door and so many other things. The next major hurdle is dealing with bro and sis next month. :(( Hubby and I decided that we are going to paint the inside of our new house, then get the carpets cleaned and THEN move in. The carpet there is fine. I really like it. It's neutral but interesting. This house hasn't been THIS clean since I don't know when. It's amazing what motivation can do. Bobbie, this house has been in my family since '59 too. I won't want to drive by it and see other people living here but I sure don't want to keep it. Get rid of the old life I say. Especially the BAD memories. I care so much about what all of you are going through. I remember those days all too well. And remember, there IS life after care giving. It may just take a little time. I think my time has been extended due to losing hubby's mom so close to losing my mom and the fact that I still gotta deal with the siblings. But I am starting to see a glimmer of light at the end of the tunnel. I am very fortunate to have hubby. I know this. He waited a long time to start our own life. Not many guys would do that but they ARE out there. Just wish my bro and sis would give him a chance. Oh well, God grant me the...

love,
miz

thanks asg you are very kind but I am truly not a great person. I was where you are in caregiving and boy, it was tough.
she's demented my darling. That's what it looks like.
stay here with us and we will all help you keep sane as well as keep ourselves sane.
Thas right folks, the nuts are running the asylum!

Jen! you are so right. On so many levels.

lovbob

Ah Life as holding pattern...She knows it, I know it, he probably knows it but doesn't let it in...We are literally waiting for him to just die...There is nothing else to do...No one can make a move till he moves on. It is like being held hostage. I hear people tired at months years and decades...This isn't like anything else in the life cycle. This is not going to school, child rearing, being ill one self, or even like having a job. It is mentally exhausting, physically draining life sucking, and do it for love or money or guilt it just goes on and on till it stops. And then you try to pick up what was left of your life and /or start all over again. Does anyone take on this duty with little fore thought? Or does the truly onerous nature of long term care-giving just sort of hit you in shocking grinding stabs of "Oh My God What Now?" No wonder we are run down, snappish and frustrated. Love them, don't love them, do it out of genuine care or fear...same results. Exhaustion, irritation, sapped life... Stay Sane my fellow care givers hold on and stay sane....


Hey miz, yes wish you could have asked him. I'll see if I get a nod back from USGS. Probably got their hands full with moving earth not solid rock on my dresser...Hi to all...

Bobbie thank you so much and you are right. I should probably let it go. You are a great person, and it is a comfort seeing other people on the other side. Got a gross out for ya. Shocked me, kitty cat scratched aunty on the arm, she's got her arm propped on the table and she leans over and starts licking the wound, no big deal right kinda gross but I just thought she wanted to get the blood off, after 10 seconds she started sucking on it, and sucking and sucking, I just sat there not knowing what to do. She was really sucking her blood.and kep doing it for almost 2 full minutes. "What the heck

Ted thank you so much, it seems like somthing I read from you on another thread struck somthing about this vascular thing. I think I will try to read up on that one. They list so many different demsoentias. I'm so glad that what happened yesterday was a relief. And you know I can see how it would be. Somtimes what we think we want, and what we find is best for us, are two diffeent things. So enjoy the relaxation, you deserve it. I think its funny how you thought you were tired but you were relaxed. I think somtimes we have so much tension in our mind and body and stress for sooo long, we forget what normal feels like. Have a great day ted.

Thanks Ted. That means a lot to me and I look forward to seeing you on the boat. Soon!
lovbob

Bobbie, i don't think we thank you enough for giving us this. I know that for me I am heavily in your debt, You, by giving us this thread, have literally turned my life around. It was heading in a very bad direction when I was invited on board,(by Crowe, I think) and now, well, life is beginning to feel worth living again.

Thank you, Bobbie.

Good Morning Beloved Crew!

ASG, your aunt sounds like my mom. Mom was large and in charge until she just couldn't hide it anymore. Try not to worry so much about the future because it won't change anything and just drive you nuts in the meantime.
Long term care insurance, I think (refer to Ted or...) is obtainable UNTIL there is a script in place for a dementia drug. please go to someone who knows, things may have changed since I looked into it.
Of course you may not need that but it might not hurt to check it out.
asg, try and relax with it as best you can. We know that you're sad and alone and that is not the best place to be but be here with us as much as you can.
Like Maxine and so many others including myself have said: this site and for me specifically, this thread saved my bacon and I am living proof that there is a life on the other side and it is ok to start planning that life NOW.
Right Ted?

Cuz! Love you Harv. You are the best of the best and I am so proud to know you. I can't thank you enough for taking the time to read this thread and be aware of our struggles and the struggles I have had.
Your jokes and stories are so welcome to us and we look forward to them. You are taking your place in caregiver heaven by caring for the caregivers!
C'mon, let's make some boat plans!

linda! Boat drinks!! hope you feel better soon.

Maxine!! glad you are communicating with a gentleman. You can always give Rip his info and she'll run a background check on him...... Love you Maxine.

Careshare! how is your kitty? I am so sorry. Precious days.

Christina! good to see from you and screw your sister. Make her some exlax brownies the bitch.

SSK! hey gurl.

So good to see from Pirate! hang in Pirate. you are doing a yeoman's job. Please be good to yourself in the midst of all of this emotional heavy sea.

Miz!! You're almost there! Clone closet for your husband! We could use a few thousand more of him! almost there little one and before you know it you'll be planning boat time again for real.

Georgia Peach! where are you? hope you can check in and let us know you're ok. Thanks for the pumping gas email. good things to know. would you post it here?

Ted! I am facing letting my mom's house go and I am happy to hear that you are relieved. I am hoping for the same feeling. This was my family home since 1959 and I am so conflicted about it. I don't want the heavy financial burden, like Deef's house but am so tempted to try and keep it but afraid that it will drag me into the poor house. Yard Sales for sure and I guess we'll know more on the other side of those...

As our buttwipe government heads for a shutdown because the senators and congressmen/women can't yank their heads out of their asses, I am reminded why I hate politics and the dung beetles who practice politics. Corruption, corruption.
If you want to take your mind off of human excrement, take some time and read online about the lack of any kind of logic or morals these cretins are shoving at us. You tell me who's responsible. It's right out there to see..... and it ain't Obama.
oh and remember, if the gov't shuts down, the military, including troops on the ground and involved in our 3 wars will no longer get paid... their families will suffer and homes will be lost.
The senators and congresspeople however will continue to be paid their obscene salaries just as if nothing has happened.
Revolutions have been fought for less.
I hate Republicans and I hate Democrats. If they would quit being little punks and go to the Jefferson Memorial (before it closes) and read the words on the inside to remind them of why they are there maybe then they could grow up and do what we hired them to do.

For me, another day of sanding and painting the foredeck.
what a happy problem!
I am working on Boat Time for Everyone!
lovbob

Hi Austin, glad to hear things are looking up for you. I think it's fine for people to pop in and post whatever they want. What one person says gives another person some good insight. I can only remember what one person said at a time, and would have to write it down to respond to previous posts. Guess I've lost my mind...but I don't really miss it.

Thanks, I find it interesting that I'm so conditioned to think that foreclosure is a bad thing, but in this situation it isn't. I need to be more aware of when i am feeling bad just because I think I should be, and when whatever is happening is really ok with me despite how society, or siblings, or even myself think I "should" feel.

A good lesson learned.

Ted, that's inspiring. that you feel better off without the hassle of paying the mortgage and stressing about maintaining and trying to sell and not being able to right now and renters that are deadbeats..phew I'm glad you got rid of it too!

I've been in stress mode , I guess, and had an actual anxiety attack yesterday, waiting for the nurse to show up. My heart started pounding and I felt like I was going to pass out. We straightened some things out when she got here and it turned out OK. Ya, I finally admit , I need respite!

ASG, Sounds like my mom's condition. offficially diagnosed as "Vascular Dementia" caused by Multiple and continuing TIAs (mini-strokes), In one spot of her brain. The damage to the tissue keeps spreading causing the dementia to worsen slowly.

Yesterday was wierd. I went to the foreclosure hearing, they didn't want to hear anything about my side of things and ok'ed the foreclosure sale for April 29.

Fine, I have to get her remaining stuff out and put it in storage (Still can't bring myself to dispose of it until she's gone) But, Fine.

I left the courthouse and although I knew logically that I should be hurting over it I wasn't. felt kind of happy. Got home, explained what happened to mom but i don't think she understood a word I wasn't saying, she wasn't upset at all, so that's good.

After a while I suddenly felt extremely tired. It scared me for a moment until I realized I wasn't tired but relaxed. I didn't recognize it.

So, No matter what I THINK about losing the house and 5 acres, I FEEL that it is a good thing. a great thing, to have one less major headache. The truth is. I don't care about the place, or the money i wasted trying to hang on to it, and I am much better off without it in my life.

But it's still very confusing.

Hi I do not usually put a conet in the middle but am so behind on reading post. I am very proud of you Ted. My 94 year ols aunt fell and shattered her leg and is not in rehab we went up to see her - hope she can go home again by herself-she would die in a NH. I have been emailing a gentleman and we talked on the phone and will be getting together soon and right now I feel a new least on life -he is younger than me by almost 10 years but the husband was about my age and that was not a good fit for me so we shall see-he makes me happy so will pursue it-I am trying to catch up here but with yard work and the senior center I have been very busy but know I love you all-Miz things will work out with the house-you both love each other -that what is importand and you both are on the same page. I think of all you guys and am so happy I found this group-have to start my day and try to catch up later I am so proud of you all for getting AC to make changes to make this site better for us all,