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Today is a good day! Mom is in a better mood - just suffering from allergies, yesterday she "just wanted to die because nobody cares" We get this often because she is the last living from her family of 8. She lost two sibling within the last year (her oldest brother and her youngest sister - she was the second child - (With the Second Child Syndrome!)) I took her to her arthritis specialist yesterday and she was so miserable - it almost appeared that he did not want to see her. He tried to be understanding and compassionate - but my Mom can be kind of rude at times when she is in her "oh woe is me" moods. I understand the disease and I have learned not to let it get to me so when she is like that I just let her vent with no reply or change the subject. After her appointment I just took her home fed her and put her to bed and told her she would feel better in the morning. Fortunately she slept through and was actually feeling better this morning when I took her to day care.
I am hoping she is still in a good mood when she gets home! One of my other sisters has her for the weekend!
I will try and have the first boat post up by tonight. With pictures and maybe a video... The Cat just hurled a feather toy right across my face and then went to chase it. the literal translation of "she plays with herself". Thankfully my face didn't get involved except for a surprised expression.
Howdy from Texas. Back at work and coordinating the service this Saturday with my sister. Add to Bobbie suggestion - write down the songs and any quotes or religious sayings that your parent or other unspecified careperson would want to hear at the service. NOW that seems to be the latest conflict--thanks for all the hugs and love that this site has given me. I am so conflicted at times, it was quick illness and departure, but my mother never developed the dementia and ugliness that so many hear live through each day. I try to count the *small* blessings amongst the *BIG* pain. Grant me patience--boat, boat, boat. Hugs, Helen
Good Morning......ahhhhhh the "inner beast".....love that term and will use it now I'm thinking. And it's already started for the day.....supposed to be a couple of rain storms move through, nothing significant, already clouding up. Was out with the dogs about 30 minutes ago and see that the col's patio door is standing wide open.....OMG THE DOG IS ACTUALLY OUTSIDE!!!!!!!!! But I have to go untwist her vertical blinds, haven't figured out how she does that and then remind her "we live in the country....we have snakes....you are on the ground level....do you want a snake in your house?" The inner beast just stands there smiling at me......I don't think she had her ears in yet......and this before coffee!
Today I get to write a letter to the jerk renting col's former home. He has told me he is having financial difficulties....last month we had to go after rent for March and April...due the 1st, he has until the 7th to pay. We have been very lenient and nice about the whole thing....when we had to go get the last one, he has someone living in the house, this guy went and cashed a check to pay us and told us to call and tell him if rent wasn't paid for May. I offered to allow him to sign the lease to make him responsible, he said no, so I say the person who signed the lease is responsible. I am drafting the letter of eviction today, with a copy of MO law of course. After the last time, came home and looked up the name of the "other guy" living there on case.net, he is on probation for manufacture and attempt to sell meth.....well f*****g great..........................I stopped feeling sorry for him when he started yelling at me that I can't just evict him.....yep, sure can...#1 reason is non-payment of rent. The front steps are all torn up...another reason is "damage to property".....so I want him out. Just going to put a for sale sign in the front yard, hope someone comes along and breaks in and burns the place down. It's insured for almost $300,000, that's better for her anyway.
miz....are you wearing your mouth guard at night? Or did that not help?
Going to check out bobbie's page then write some on mine. Go to shine.yahoo.com, it's under Manage Your Life, called it My Adventures in Home Care Giving.
Christina you do not have to leave us just because you will not be not hands on anymore Bobbie. Miz and I stay -me because I might be able to use all that unwanted experience to help others plus you are a good friend so if you do go -please check in with us and let us know how things are going for your mother-it is kind of funny-a hundred years=it seems there were a lot of those places around me and I worked in one before college run by a nurse and it was so great-the nurse bought a big house and she her hubby and daughter lived there and there were about 6 residents some bedridden and one could drive and go places but was not safe alone at home. Then our state government got into the stew and stired things up so we went to big box N.H,'s it was a shame, Please stay in touch.
I just wanted to say goodbye to all of you who are here. I have found a great place for my Mother where she will have 3 other women and a couple of men to hang out with every day. The owner of 2 homes is a RN and has a MA in Geriatric Pharmacology; he hates drugs given to dementia patients that are not approved and works tirelessly to find the best treatments for individuals in his homes. He came yesterday to assess Mother and told me he thought I had done 95% more than the majority of his client's caregivers, he was impressed with "the snapshot" he had of her, so I was as honest as I could be about her behaviors. I explained her condition almost a year ago when I brought her to our home, and the drugs we stopped, and the consistency of daily practices with all her caregivers, including me. He used to have six homes, but he cannot find the quality of caregivers he wants. He keeps it simple, so he can HAVE A LIFE, TOO. Sounds like my kind of thinking. Of course, I wish you all the very best with your parents, relatives, and spouses. I hope for the day when you all get your lives back. Take care of yourselves. Love, Christina
Yes being a caregiver gives you ball-if you are a women of course. I got treated very disrespectful when haveing my car serviced and later called the manager and reported that rude man-he embarrassed me in front of everyone in the waiting room-the manager got that man to call me back and apoligze and now when they talk to people they take them aside so I did make it better for others. I am not as willing to take all the blame anymore and think I am useless-I am not the doormat I use to be.
Love to all and hey, thanks for asking about the boat blog....
it's still inder construction but the frame is live: bigboatdiary . blogspot . com no spaces, of course. Click on my ads!! doesn't cost anything and it makes me look good to the host. Thanks!! woohoo, boat!! I created a character for the captain and there's a pic of the boat on the hard in the yard and if I could come up with another rhyme I'd be a bard.
Miz!! c'mon gurl, almost there and you have got it nailed. Group hug for your husband, that is one hard working dude!
Sharon in Maine! You've been on my mind non stop. Please let us know how you're doing with your parents. Maybe it's time for them to get placed. It really doesn't matter at this point what they want. They're sucking the life out of you and there it is. There's facilities that will place a couple together. Click on some of the ads on this site and start the process. There are some great places. I used 'A Place for Mom' and one of the others and they will get you going in the right direction. Just because there are some assets that doesn't mean that you have to make yourself sick to care for them. I went through that with my mom... and I just had to figure it out and get her into respite. We all know you love them but it may be time and we will help you though that just like the caregivers on this thread helped me when I had to place my mom in respite because I was dying. BP was 160something over 120. not good. it's back to 110 over 80, my cholestrol is down 100 points and maybe by this time next year it will be in the 150 range where it's supposed to be and my BP should be 110 over 70. This caregiving thing is a killer for family members. We are not wired to do this stuff. If we had wanted to become nurses we would have. They are going to hate whatever you do that has anything to do with them leaving the house.... Is there anyway you can get someone to come and live in? And even then the live in person is going to need additional help.... Just ask Ladeeda. she's a live in caregiver and she knows all too well how hard that is. This task is impossible for any 2 people to do just to care for one person. It is totally unrealistic for one person to care for 2 people. They have dementia, they are sick and they have no clue what they are doing to you and quite frankly, a person with dementia doesn't care if you drop dead at their feet. Sad but true. Act now. fellsstephen: that goes for you too! Get it going before you are totally shot.
bpry! yo wats up! glad you liked the funny. It's the only way to get through this mess in my opinion. Mom would have a puss on most of the time and I would work hard to crack her up and get her going. When I wasn't being funny and I would hurt myself, she really loved that. Gives you an idea about dementia.
a lot of times our parents just turn into meanies and we think that that's how they are because it happens so gradually. I talk to people EVERY day who don't understand that their parents have a disease and that it's not going to get any better and they need to be in a professional environment.
OK, enough of me for awhile.... going back to work and I hope to see from Sharon and fellss and 1day, our new crew members.
Crew Call! Everybody check in and let us know how you're doing!! love you guys more than you know! lovbob
Good Morning, Everyone. Tomorrow is our big move day. Hubby has to finish painting the basement and bedroom, put rods up in our closet room, assemble the vacuum cleaner and steam cleaner and vacuum and steam clean the carpet & start moving stuff from his storage. We get the moving truck tomorrow morning at 10:30 and we will have it until 10:00 on Saturday. Hubby is so sore, he's working so hard. I work today but I am off all day tomorrow. I'm still battling this toothache. Why is it when a tooth hurts it makes you feel sick all over?? I started filling out an application on-line last night and was going to finish it this morning. Went to it and I have to start over!! Arghhhhhhhhh!! I gotta call our realtor and find out about the Homestead Tax Exemption thingie. Gotta do change of address too. I got a lot of laundry to do this morning before I go to work. Better get to it. Love yous!!
Morning everyone,rosella,byp,hope med helps,CUZ I came across shine by accident. This is where jams blog is, its really neat to hear her story. Id like to know where bobbies is also.
Thanks all for your nuggets of wisdom. I think I read through all the comments. Some of yawl are hilarious funny, and I love the jokes! I'm feeling better, Mom has new medication that should control her inner beast, and I'm contemplating getting a good nights rest.
Oh and where do I find these blogs that you guys are talking about. If someone would be kind enough to guide me to where they are it would be greatly appreciated. Love Cuz
By the way. Welcome to the newbies I know that you will enjoy this site. I did it again by reading all the posts and forgot to take notes. I will just say HUGS to all of you and my wish is that someone will win the lotto and give everyone time off so the can heal both mentally and phsically (spelled that one wrong). I got my fingers crossed that it will happen. Thanx for all of the thoughts about the uncle. Will have to deal with the funeral etc probably this weekend or the first of next week. All of his kids have to get back to michigan first. If I remember I will be sure to take notes tommorro night so I won't forget anyone. And I hope the jokes don't offend anyone.
A little boy wanted $100.00 very badly and prayed for weeks, but nothing happened . Then he decided to write God a letter requesting the $100.00. When The postal authorities received the letter addressed to God, USA, they decided to send it to President Obama. Obama was so amused that he instructed his secretary to send the little boy a $5.00 bill. He thought this would appear to be a lot of money to a little boy.
The little boy was delighted with the $5.00 bill and sat down to write a thank-you note to God, which read: Dear God: Thank you very much for sending the money. However, I noticed that for some reason you sent it through Washington, D.C. and those assholes took $95.00 in taxes.
If you happened to show up on my door step crying, I would care!
If you called me and asked me to pick you up because something happened, I would come!
If you had one day left to live your life, I would want to be part of that last day!
If you needed a shoulder to cry on, I would give you mine!
This is a test to see who your real friends are or if you are just someone to talk to you when they are bored.
Do you know what the relationship is between your two eyes?
They blink together, they move together, they cry together, they see things together, and they sleep together, but they never see each other; ....that's what friendship is.
It's 'World Best Friends Week'
Send this to all your good friends, even me, if I am one of them.. See how many you get back
If you get more than 3 then you really are a lovable person...
Life isn't about how you survived the storm... it's about how you danced in the rain!
�God promises a safe landing, not a calm passage.�
Hi Everyone. Welcome to the new folks!! I don't think I can add much to what already has been said except that there are those of us who are no longer dealing with the day-to-day care giving. For example, my mom passed the end of last November and Bobbie lost her mom before that. We stay on the thread because there are some challenges during the post care giving time and sometimes need an ear and help with that and also we hope to help those who are still care giving with our experiences. I took care of my mom for over 5 years and am starting a new chapter in my life. I don't know how I could have gotten through a lot of my struggles and the death of my mom without this wonderful group. So, take your shoes off and stay awhile. And help control the pet population. Have your pet spade or neutered. :)
Okay, so I had a very stressful day at work today. I can't really get into it but OMG was I ready to get the hell out of there. My tooth hurts so bad (I guess from gritting and grinding) and damn I'm tired. We have one more day until we get the truck for our move. Hubby is over at the new house painting the bedroom and is gonna paint the basement and he also power washed the garage where we will be storing lots of stuff. He also canceled his storage unit and truck storage so that will be less $$$$ we will have to pay and that is a very good thing. Brother is stressing me out. He and my sister did an inventory in this house while hubby and I were away one time. I asked him how they did that when some of what is here is my stuff and I got no answer. This is too damn much stress. If I don't end up in a straight jacket it will be amazing. I did get a nibble on a full time job. They want me to fill out an application on-line. I really don't think I want to work with the public anymore. Tired of smelling bodies reeking of booze or getting snapped at or treated rudely. I really try to be nice to people and for the most part they are nice back but today well, I had a dandy. I am just tired. I do believe that after someone has been a caregiver, they will put up with less crap. I don't know. What do you other former caregivers think about that?? I do know that it changed me and I gave a lot of myself to do it, but I will never regret it. K, gonna go have some ice cream and hope it does not make my tooth really hurt. I'm gonna give it a try anyway. Love yous!!
Just a quick hi........bobbie where are you blogging? I haven't written anything for a few days on mine....not much to tell till yesterday when the col started acting like a nu-nu again..that's hubby's terminology. I am exhausted tonight, hope I can stay awake long enough to watch Criminal Minds....:) Let's see, went outside this morning and before I could start to work in the garden I had to repair my weed scraper, love that little thing but had to put it on a new handle, stepped on the old one...oops....so right in the middle of that hubby sees a bunch of snakes on the pond, so it's kill time. Oh and I've already made the col mad.....had walked out to look at landscaping the front of her house and I turn around and there she is.....told her she could help me out by sitting at her patio table and enjoying the sunshine... "No, I want to play"...I finally had to get mad and tell her to go away. Got the last garden box done, beans, peas, lettuce, onions. Got the mower out and mowed the backyard, then watered the garden, push mowed around my little apple trees, look around and there is the col sitting on the rocks under the deck stairs pulling weeds.....both sides of the deck stairs are landscaped with river rock and she's sitting in them! Hubby had to come and pick her up and made her go back in her house, but not before whining about.......................DING, DING, DING........you're all winners!!!! "Let's go out to eat"....................................got through, took a shower, went downstairs and gave col her bath, now I am so tired.
I see we have some new friends......fells or stephen I see that you are having a hard time right now....what can we do to help you? If you find this care giving is too much and not what you feel you can do, THAT'S OKAY! There is no rule or law that says you must take care of a loved one on a daily basis. I care for my mother-in-law because my husband has asked me to.....and to be honest if it was left up to me....she would be in a nursing home. But I will care for her and do my best to make her remaining years happy and healthy.....not everyone is able or has the desire to do it.....so if you can't don't beat yourself up over it. There are all kinds of alternatives.
1day.....ceramic glaze huh? That's one I haven't heard before, although when the col was using her old hot rollers she had so much hair spray on her hair that it could have been ceramic....:)
Forgot to get the mail today....guess I ought to go do that before I fall asleep.
Yesterday or the day before someone posted about finding WW2 vets to email with and asked for help-those vets are dear to me because my father was in the war when I was 4-6 and my brother was 6-8-some of us were giving her suggestions and this evening I tried to see how she was doing and her posts and the discussion had been removed -I sure hoped she got some answers before it was pulled off by AC. I guess they are not aware that nursing homes and senior centers are now interviewing elders to write their life story for them to give to their families when my 94 yr. old aunt was interviewed I found out some things about her childhood I never had known.
Fells, Sharon-MaineLady and 1dayata time, what the other people said is true. It is really a great help to be part of this thread and to see that you are not alone in dealing with problems that sometimes you feel too big for you. I'm the Italian of the group. (Just to explain that my English sometimes is "strange"...) and I was a very spoiled girl and then a very spoiled woman for a long time. Now, I cannot be spoiled anymore and the burden of my mother who has Alzheimer is entirely on my shoulders (well, I have 2 helpers who come here some hours a day each). I have a brother who comes visit occasionally. 1day at a time, I am so glad for you you have a sister with whom you can share this experience. You can vent between you, you can find a common way to solve the problems... It's very good. It would be nice to have you both sisters here! Mainelady, can't you find a way to get some help at least a few hours a day so that you can be free and breathe a little bit? Every day I take a long walk with my dogs, the MP3 in my ears, and I forget everything. It saves my life, together with this thread. I could't read and write for almost 2 months because I had too much work and you don't have an idea how I missed it and how I felt alone in the meantime. Fells, everyone of us has moments of rebellion. I am not ashamed to confess you that last night I dreamed I had committed an homicide (who knows where this comes from!!!!!) and as my dreams are very coherent, like a movie, during all the dream I was escaping from the police, I was trying to flee abroad, and I was not sorry because I had killed a person, I was just worried they didn't catch me. this speaks volumes, I think... A big kiss to all the other "old" friends. Miz, yuppi ja ja! You have almost made it. Cuz, sorry for your bad period; it seems it always happens in the same time....
Thanks for the welcome lovbob! I am always on the internet and had registered for this site, however, the title "Grossed Out Need to Vent" caught my eye today and I had a great time laughing! Something I have really needed to do for a while. I don't have my Mom living with me anymore, there are several of us, but three of us have shuffled her from house to house over the past few years. But I support my sister that has her now on a daily basis because we are both unemployed now and only live around the corner from each other.
How did I get the Ceramic Glaze out! Scrubbed until her head was sore and then put oil in it and scrubbed some more (along with cutting some of it out!) My sister went through the same thing - only it was glue! She called me laughing so hard she was crying and asked me what to do. After a good laugh she was able to face my mom long enough to get the glue out! We have a lot of stories that we have never shared with anyone other than the two of us and some are gross and others are just plain funny. My Mom always says that the two of us are in "cahoots" and she knows that we talk about her so she is never nice to both of us at the same time. I used to be the culprit when she was living with me, but now my sister is. We have learned to deal with it for the most part, sometimes it gets tough, but we get through it!
Lots of Love to you all and I will continue to visit! I also told my sister to join! Hope she does! Talk to you soon!
mainlady, oh, are we supposed to have patience??? Just joking, all of us here know exactly what you are talking about.. Most of us only have one to take care of,but TWO, no way.. this is the place to come and share how you are feeling, this is a safe place, no shame, no guilt, just a place to come and ...did you say have"adult conversation"? Oh yes, we are adults here, but sometimes we get so silly and carry on for days over things like bananas and if we get to go to Bobbie's boat, who is going to set where and so on and so forth. But we also have a lot of love and a lot of collective experience to help or guide you to someone who can... There is nothing you can say that we haven't said, felt, and put out here for others to help us with. So we hope you come back again and again. This is something we do everyday that does not smell bad, does not peat and repeat, collect kleenex, or try to run away. We do not yell at each other to get another blanket, or refuse to go to the bathroom . We all take showers ( when we have time!) without complaining and screaming to not have our hair washed. We share, laugh, grieve, get off on silly fun tangents, love each other, , and welcome anyone to vent , laugh, tell jokes like Cuz duz,,,,,hope we see you again... hugs across the miles..
OK, it's fellss, sharon and 1day so we can type it fast. You can nickname yourself whatever you want and we love you love you love you.
Sharon, Thanks for the hug you sent me a few days ago. I wanted to write to you so bad because I can't even imagine what you are going through caring for 2 demanding demented parents. I just cared for one and thought I was going to die. Keep us tuned in on your computer and vent vent vent. Venting is the single most healthy thing you can do at this stage. The amazing caregivers on this thread saved my bacon and I am living proof that you can get through caregiving and still have a life left.
fells! whassup buddy? tell us a little about your story and keep writing! like I just mentioned it will keep you from going totally nuts and if you are in a position to place a parent in a facility because you are going to go bonkers, we can help with that also.
hey 1day! No kidding, ceramic glaze!?! i caught mom slopping body wash all over her face thinking it was cream and when her face turned bright red from whatever was in that wash, she almost bit me when I tried to rinse it off. I did get it off tho... how did you get the creamic glaze out of your mom's hair?
Ladeeda! Ya! today is the day! HB! I got inspired by you and have started my boat blog! miz!! you 2 are busier than a long tailed Cat at a rocking chair convention! Maxine!! love you gurl! Seemer! Jam! ASG!
Everybody!! New guys: we all try and remember the others who post and what they are dealing with. I love what Seemer said (I think it was Seemer) cut the pain in half.... I'm paraphrasing but that is a tremendous sentiment.
Just jump in and vent and cry and gripe and moan. You can't be too much of a downer and you can't gripe too much. We all get it. This is the hardest thing a human being can do and it is impossible to do alone.
Linda!! I hear you gurl.... new doc time and you know I'm here if you want me to chew face!! I didn't like anyone in my mom's town either and ended up going 2 towns over and got someone who listened to me!
Ok, going back to work on my boat blog for a minute..... HB!!! you're an inspiration! Like I was saying to a good friend of mine earlier.... HB is a singular talent.... and I just type fast!
new guys!! keep posting! fellss and 1day and sharon... more of your stories about what is going on in your life. I'm checking back in about an hour. love you all lovbob
Welcome fellsstephen, you are in the right place. Everything seeme said is true. And we hope you come back and we all get to know each other. This sight and this thread are my "sanity savers"... hugs to you
Stephen and Mainelady -you have come to a good place there are a community of caregivers here who understand what you are going through-it saved my sanity since over the three years I had been with AC and over the past year plus this thread has been here. We vent here and cry and laugh and at times get upset -you will never find a greater group -just trying to get through the day with or without a meltdown.
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Today is a good day! Mom is in a better mood - just suffering from allergies,
yesterday she "just wanted to die because nobody cares" We get this often because she is the last living from her family of 8. She lost two sibling within the last year (her oldest brother and her youngest sister - she was the second child - (With the Second Child Syndrome!)) I took her to her arthritis specialist yesterday and she was so miserable - it almost appeared that he did not want to see her. He tried to be understanding and compassionate - but my Mom can be kind of rude at times when she is in her "oh woe is me" moods. I understand the disease and I have learned not to let it get to me so when she is like that I just let her vent with no reply or change the subject. After her appointment I just took her home fed her and put her to bed and told her she would feel better in the morning. Fortunately she slept through and was actually feeling better this morning when I took her to day care.
I am hoping she is still in a good mood when she gets home! One of my other sisters has her for the weekend!
Just a little bit. Not too much.
BOAT!
I will try and have the first boat post up by tonight. With pictures and maybe a video...
The Cat just hurled a feather toy right across my face and then went to chase it. the literal translation of "she plays with herself".
Thankfully my face didn't get involved except for a surprised expression.
love you guys, off to read Jam!!
lovbob
Today I get to write a letter to the jerk renting col's former home. He has told me he is having financial difficulties....last month we had to go after rent for March and April...due the 1st, he has until the 7th to pay. We have been very lenient and nice about the whole thing....when we had to go get the last one, he has someone living in the house, this guy went and cashed a check to pay us and told us to call and tell him if rent wasn't paid for May. I offered to allow him to sign the lease to make him responsible, he said no, so I say the person who signed the lease is responsible. I am drafting the letter of eviction today, with a copy of MO law of course. After the last time, came home and looked up the name of the "other guy" living there on case.net, he is on probation for manufacture and attempt to sell meth.....well f*****g great..........................I stopped feeling sorry for him when he started yelling at me that I can't just evict him.....yep, sure can...#1 reason is non-payment of rent. The front steps are all torn up...another reason is "damage to property".....so I want him out. Just going to put a for sale sign in the front yard, hope someone comes along and breaks in and burns the place down. It's insured for almost $300,000, that's better for her anyway.
miz....are you wearing your mouth guard at night? Or did that not help?
Going to check out bobbie's page then write some on mine. Go to shine.yahoo.com, it's under Manage Your Life, called it My Adventures in Home Care Giving.
Love and Hugz,
Jam
congratulations!
lovbob
He used to have six homes, but he cannot find the quality of caregivers he wants. He keeps it simple, so he can HAVE A LIFE, TOO. Sounds like my kind of thinking.
Of course, I wish you all the very best with your parents, relatives, and spouses.
I hope for the day when you all get your lives back. Take care of yourselves.
Love, Christina
Love to all and hey, thanks for asking about the boat blog....
it's still inder construction but the frame is live:
bigboatdiary . blogspot . com no spaces, of course.
Click on my ads!! doesn't cost anything and it makes me look good to the host. Thanks!! woohoo, boat!!
I created a character for the captain and there's a pic of the boat on the hard in the yard and if I could come up with another rhyme I'd be a bard.
Miz!! c'mon gurl, almost there and you have got it nailed. Group hug for your husband, that is one hard working dude!
Sharon in Maine! You've been on my mind non stop. Please let us know how you're doing with your parents. Maybe it's time for them to get placed. It really doesn't matter at this point what they want. They're sucking the life out of you and there it is. There's facilities that will place a couple together. Click on some of the ads on this site and start the process. There are some great places. I used 'A Place for Mom' and one of the others and they will get you going in the right direction. Just because there are some assets that doesn't mean that you have to make yourself sick to care for them. I went through that with my mom... and I just had to figure it out and get her into respite. We all know you love them but it may be time and we will help you though that just like the caregivers on this thread helped me when I had to place my mom in respite because I was dying. BP was 160something over 120. not good. it's back to 110 over 80, my cholestrol is down 100 points and maybe by this time next year it will be in the 150 range where it's supposed to be and my BP should be 110 over 70. This caregiving thing is a killer for family members.
We are not wired to do this stuff. If we had wanted to become nurses we would have. They are going to hate whatever you do that has anything to do with them leaving the house....
Is there anyway you can get someone to come and live in? And even then the live in person is going to need additional help.... Just ask Ladeeda. she's a live in caregiver and she knows all too well how hard that is.
This task is impossible for any 2 people to do just to care for one person. It is totally unrealistic for one person to care for 2 people. They have dementia, they are sick and they have no clue what they are doing to you and quite frankly, a person with dementia doesn't care if you drop dead at their feet.
Sad but true. Act now.
fellsstephen: that goes for you too! Get it going before you are totally shot.
bpry! yo wats up! glad you liked the funny. It's the only way to get through this mess in my opinion. Mom would have a puss on most of the time and I would work hard to crack her up and get her going.
When I wasn't being funny and I would hurt myself, she really loved that. Gives you an idea about dementia.
a lot of times our parents just turn into meanies and we think that that's how they are because it happens so gradually. I talk to people EVERY day who don't understand that their parents have a disease and that it's not going to get any better and they need to be in a professional environment.
OK, enough of me for awhile.... going back to work and I hope to see from Sharon and fellss and 1day, our new crew members.
Crew Call! Everybody check in and let us know how you're doing!!
love you guys more than you know!
lovbob
miz
Night Night!
Love Cuz
I did it again by reading all the posts and forgot to take notes. I will just say HUGS to all of you and my wish is that someone will win the lotto and give everyone time off so the can heal both mentally and phsically (spelled that one wrong). I got my fingers crossed that it will happen.
Thanx for all of the thoughts about the uncle. Will have to deal with the funeral etc probably this weekend or the first of next week. All of his kids have to get back to michigan first. If I remember I will be sure to take notes tommorro night so I won't forget anyone.
And I hope the jokes don't offend anyone.
Love Cuz
A little boy wanted
$100.00 very badly and prayed for weeks, but nothing
happened .
Then he decided to
write God a letter requesting the $100.00.
When
The postal authorities received
the letter addressed to God,
USA,
they decided to send it to
President Obama.
Obama was so amused that he
instructed his secretary to send the little boy a $5.00 bill.
He thought this would appear to
be a lot of money to a little boy.
The little boy was delighted
with the $5.00 bill and sat down to write a thank-you note
to God, which read:
Dear God: Thank
you very much for sending
the money. However, I noticed that
for some reason you sent it
through
Washington, D.C. and those
assholes took $95.00 in taxes.
Think about this for a minute....
If you happened to show up on my door step crying,
I would care!
If you called me and asked
me to pick you up because something happened,
I would come!
If you had one day left
to live your life,
I would want to be part of
that last day!
If you needed a shoulder
to cry on,
I would give you mine!
This is a test to see who your real
friends are or if you are just someone
to talk to you when they are bored.
Do you know what the relationship is between your two eyes?
They blink together,
they move together,
they cry together,
they see things together,
and they sleep together,
but they never see each other;
....that's what friendship is.
It's
'World Best Friends Week'
Send this to all your good friends, even me,
if I am one of them..
See how many you get back
If you get more than 3
then you really are
a lovable person...
Life isn't about how you survived the storm...
it's about how you danced in the rain!
�God promises a safe landing, not a calm passage.�
Okay, so I had a very stressful day at work today. I can't really get into it but OMG was I ready to get the hell out of there. My tooth hurts so bad (I guess from gritting and grinding) and damn I'm tired. We have one more day until we get the truck for our move. Hubby is over at the new house painting the bedroom and is gonna paint the basement and he also power washed the garage where we will be storing lots of stuff. He also canceled his storage unit and truck storage so that will be less $$$$ we will have to pay and that is a very good thing. Brother is stressing me out. He and my sister did an inventory in this house while hubby and I were away one time. I asked him how they did that when some of what is here is my stuff and I got no answer. This is too damn much stress. If I don't end up in a straight jacket it will be amazing. I did get a nibble on a full time job. They want me to fill out an application on-line. I really don't think I want to work with the public anymore. Tired of smelling bodies reeking of booze or getting snapped at or treated rudely. I really try to be nice to people and for the most part they are nice back but today well, I had a dandy. I am just tired. I do believe that after someone has been a caregiver, they will put up with less crap. I don't know. What do you other former caregivers think about that?? I do know that it changed me and I gave a lot of myself to do it, but I will never regret it. K, gonna go have some ice cream and hope it does not make my tooth really hurt. I'm gonna give it a try anyway. Love yous!!
miz
I see we have some new friends......fells or stephen I see that you are having a hard time right now....what can we do to help you? If you find this care giving is too much and not what you feel you can do, THAT'S OKAY! There is no rule or law that says you must take care of a loved one on a daily basis. I care for my mother-in-law because my husband has asked me to.....and to be honest if it was left up to me....she would be in a nursing home. But I will care for her and do my best to make her remaining years happy and healthy.....not everyone is able or has the desire to do it.....so if you can't don't beat yourself up over it. There are all kinds of alternatives.
1day.....ceramic glaze huh? That's one I haven't heard before, although when the col was using her old hot rollers she had so much hair spray on her hair that it could have been ceramic....:)
Forgot to get the mail today....guess I ought to go do that before I fall asleep.
Love and Hugz,
Jam
I'm the Italian of the group. (Just to explain that my English sometimes is "strange"...) and I was a very spoiled girl and then a very spoiled woman for a long time. Now, I cannot be spoiled anymore and the burden of my mother who has Alzheimer is entirely on my shoulders (well, I have 2 helpers who come here some hours a day each). I have a brother who comes visit occasionally. 1day at a time, I am so glad for you you have a sister with whom you can share this experience. You can vent between you, you can find a common way to solve the problems... It's very good. It would be nice to have you both sisters here!
Mainelady, can't you find a way to get some help at least a few hours a day so that you can be free and breathe a little bit? Every day I take a long walk with my dogs, the MP3 in my ears, and I forget everything. It saves my life, together with this thread. I could't read and write for almost 2 months because I had too much work and you don't have an idea how I missed it and how I felt alone in the meantime.
Fells, everyone of us has moments of rebellion. I am not ashamed to confess you that last night I dreamed I had committed an homicide (who knows where this comes from!!!!!) and as my dreams are very coherent, like a movie, during all the dream I was escaping from the police, I was trying to flee abroad, and I was not sorry because I had killed a person, I was just worried they didn't catch me.
this speaks volumes, I think...
A big kiss to all the other "old" friends. Miz, yuppi ja ja! You have almost made it.
Cuz, sorry for your bad period; it seems it always happens in the same time....
How did I get the Ceramic Glaze out! Scrubbed until her head was sore and then put oil in it and scrubbed some more (along with cutting some of it out!) My sister went through the same thing - only it was glue! She called me laughing so hard she was crying and asked me what to do. After a good laugh she was able to face my mom long enough to get the glue out! We have a lot of stories that we have never shared with anyone other than the two of us and some are gross and others are just plain funny. My Mom always says that the two of us are in "cahoots" and she knows that we talk about her so she is never nice to both of us at the same time. I used to be the culprit when she was living with me, but now my sister is. We have learned to deal with it for the most part, sometimes it gets tough, but we get through it!
Lots of Love to you all and I will continue to visit! I also told my sister to join! Hope she does! Talk to you soon!
this is the place to come and share how you are feeling, this is a safe place, no shame, no guilt, just a place to come and ...did you say have"adult conversation"? Oh yes, we are adults here, but sometimes we get so silly and carry on for days over things like bananas and if we get to go to Bobbie's boat, who is going to set where and so on and so forth.
But we also have a lot of love and a lot of collective experience to help or guide you to someone who can... There is nothing you can say that we haven't said, felt, and put out here for others to help us with. So we hope you come back again and again. This is something we do everyday that does not smell bad, does not peat and repeat, collect kleenex, or try to run away. We do not yell at each other to get another blanket, or refuse to go to the bathroom . We all take showers ( when we have time!) without complaining and screaming to not have our hair washed.
We share, laugh, grieve, get off on silly fun tangents, love each other, , and welcome anyone to vent , laugh, tell jokes like Cuz duz,,,,,hope we see you again... hugs across the miles..
OK, it's fellss, sharon and 1day so we can type it fast. You can nickname yourself whatever you want and we love you love you love you.
Sharon, Thanks for the hug you sent me a few days ago. I wanted to write to you so bad because I can't even imagine what you are going through caring for 2 demanding demented parents. I just cared for one and thought I was going to die.
Keep us tuned in on your computer and vent vent vent.
Venting is the single most healthy thing you can do at this stage. The amazing caregivers on this thread saved my bacon and I am living proof that you can get through caregiving and still have a life left.
fells! whassup buddy? tell us a little about your story and keep writing! like I just mentioned it will keep you from going totally nuts and if you are in a position to place a parent in a facility because you are going to go bonkers, we can help with that also.
hey 1day! No kidding, ceramic glaze!?! i caught mom slopping body wash all over her face thinking it was cream and when her face turned bright red from whatever was in that wash, she almost bit me when I tried to rinse it off. I did get it off tho... how did you get the creamic glaze out of your mom's hair?
Ladeeda! Ya! today is the day!
HB! I got inspired by you and have started my boat blog!
miz!! you 2 are busier than a long tailed Cat at a rocking chair convention!
Maxine!! love you gurl!
Seemer! Jam! ASG!
Everybody!!
New guys: we all try and remember the others who post and what they are dealing with. I love what Seemer said (I think it was Seemer) cut the pain in half.... I'm paraphrasing but that is a tremendous sentiment.
Just jump in and vent and cry and gripe and moan. You can't be too much of a downer and you can't gripe too much. We all get it. This is the hardest thing a human being can do and it is impossible to do alone.
Linda!! I hear you gurl.... new doc time and you know I'm here if you want me to chew face!! I didn't like anyone in my mom's town either and ended up going 2 towns over and got someone who listened to me!
Ok, going back to work on my boat blog for a minute.....
HB!!! you're an inspiration! Like I was saying to a good friend of mine earlier.... HB is a singular talent.... and I just type fast!
new guys!! keep posting! fellss and 1day and sharon... more of your stories about what is going on in your life. I'm checking back in about an hour.
love you all
lovbob