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I wish I could get my hubby to pay the bills. In fact...I wish I could get him to work regularly so we COULD pay the bills. Saw and interesting program on public tv last nite about the brain. They are experimenting with magnetic energy applied to the brain to disrupt the brain cells with people with depression etc. I'd love to get him a little zap and see what would happen. Life wo depression....what a concept! My checks finally came in so I guess I'll get to keep my phone and car insurance for another month. Thank you Lord!!!
Linda...you crack me up! Go take a bath already!! You got a wood stove or fireplace? My hubby wants to put a wood burning stove in my den this winter. With my allergies I'm a little worried about it. My brother burns wood chips and says that's the way to go. Speaking of my bro(the one in VA, not the abuser) we are taking mama on a little road trip the 23 of this month. Going to VA to visit my bro. She's excited about it. I hope she does ok on the long trip. Its about 7.5 hours from here. I'll fix the back seat of the van up like a bed for her. I'm looking forward to it too. My son and DIL and grandson will be going too and we will go into Washington DC to see the museums and such. It's only a few miles away from Woodbridge where my bro lives. Wish mom was up to doing that. She used to love that kind of stuff. You know you guys gave a whole new meaning to "the after life". Ha! Now we're talking about the life we will have after caregiving. It's got to be bittersweet. I know what I'll be doing...Job hunting. If there's any insurance money coming to me and if I'm not in the poor house by then I may just get rid of my "turkey waddle". Know what I mean? I don't have a thing in the world against plastic surgery. Wouldn't do the whole face lift thing but a little nip and tuck wouldn't be too bad. Jsome....FP has left the building!!! What in the world will you do without him??LOL! Miz...it's amazing how many we can grieve for. I miss my Dad, my ex-husband even tho he was an idiot, he was the love of my life, and I'm missing Mama already. Grief starts long before death for caregivers. J...put a bow on that ticket and give it to her as her bday gift. Then make a big deal of watching the results on tv. I don't do lotto so I guess it's on tv. I see it all the time here. Or go by the grocery store and get a bunch of flowers for $10. Life's hard, gotta economize. She prob won't know the difference. It's the thought...and all that they say...you know. Just enjoy being away from him what ever you do. Cuz.....isn't it about time for a joke here? Hey Ross! Hey Bobbie! Can we take your boat to Ireland? Let's go see Annie.. Hey Annie...my brothers use to make fun of me as a kid...they'd say.."Annie Annie big fat fannie".....I would fly at them like a hornet. Got my block knocked off a couple of times. I had to learn to fight. Three brothers and no sisters and I was the baby. Life is cruel! Ha! And I wasn't even fat! God help me if I had been. They would have tormented me. Ya'll have a great afternoon. ltr
Linda, I used to handle the bills too but we got sick of me going to hubby and telling him I needed money in my account to pay bills and him being astounded it was so much, etc. So now he sees and knows. Fine with me!!
oh miz . big hugs to you . sometimes it helps for us caregivers to understand the after life and what to expect after that . all i know is i am not lookin fwrd to that day but it will come and i will have to accept it . all i know is when the day comes i will be taking a road trip . i mean a long one ! and i do know that i will go see bobbie and her boat and i want to see the dolpine well maybe the gator if he is still around . i ll grab his tail and take a big bite out of it :-) ure not suppose to worry about money or how the bills r getting paid , let your hubby do the worry . u take a break . i worry about mine cuz im the only one that pays the bills and handle the check book . hubby has no clue for 31 and half yrs . so whatever ! i wish i didnt have to pay bills and let hubby do it so i dont have to worry . my gfriend says her hubby pays the bills and all she has to do is buy grocries , damn how lucky ! money worries sucks ! alrighty everybodys talkin about bath shower and im thinkin damn whens the last time i took one . guess i shall go take one . lol xoxox
Linda, I hate to talk about it cause I don't want those of you who are dealing with care giving now to think it's gonna be bad after. I think it just depends on the person. And yes, I am still grieving for Mom and hubby's mom and even our kitty that passed a couple years ago. I know I am overly sensitive too. Lack of money sucks too. Probably when I get a better job things will be better but I don't know. I'm curious to know what others have to say. I think Austin is still adjusting and bobbie too.
good noon . jen i sure hope u win !!!! i need to start buyin lottery ticket too . once ina great while i ll spend a buck or 2 , then dont buy any for a long time . just only when i feel lucky then its a slap across the face , lol miz- saw ur other post . i sure hope there is a life after caregiving . hopefully somene will answer that and be able to help you . all i know it took me a whole year to get over my moms death . im griefing a little bit while watchin dad sleep his life away . sure is painful to watch but at least he s not in pain , put a smile on our face and say yep 4th july is a coming .... guess we will have a gathering on 3rd of july sunday . so means i ll be bustin my hindend . you all are invited !! come on over ! margarita for everyone . you all have a happy day . xoxox
Hay dee ho, well he is out the door anyhow but just for a few hours regular ADH program, run a few errands...what ever. go get my lotto ticket and moms B day gift (not the same thing) Unless....
Good morning everyone, It's 6:30am and I'm waiting for my hospice girl to come. She come 5 days a week. What a blessing! She puts mom in the shower and dresses her and then tidies up her bedroom and bathroom. It starts my day off on a whole different note than on the weekends when I have to do it. Like you Linda I have a terrible back. In pain all the time. I take Meloxicam at night and tramadol in the morning for it. Kinda keeps it in check but probably has some side effects I will regret. Hope your back starts to feel better soon. Speaking of smoking Linda, When mama came here she was very sick and she forgot that she smoked. Since I'm very allergic to cigarrette smoke that was just fine with me. Once or twice she has asked where her cigarettes are and I just say You quit smoking Mom and threw them all away. She goes OHHH and that's it. Ha! Easy way to quit is to get senile!lol! So sorry Pa is not feeling well. Bless his heart!! Ross I'll look for you on fb. I love photography too. I have framed bw pictures in my dining room of sites here in Augusta,GA. Augusta(the home of the Masters Golf tournament) is only 20 miles from me. Rome sounds like a wonderfully exciting place to visit, but not live. Annie...your town sounds wonderful too. How are you doing today? It must be what about lunch time there? I had to stop and let the hospice girl in...then make coffee and muffins for mama. She likes a muffin with her coffee. Jsome...we're with you girl! "yellow sufferers" Ha!! Yeah! And I know what you mean about getting used to crisis mode. It does become a way of life after awhile. I don't know what that's doing to our bodies and minds but it's a fact of life for us. Angie..goodmorning! Hope you have a good day today. Miz...Hey! Have a great day. Deef, Rip, Kelliebean, Cuz, Ssk, Kuli, of course Bobbie....Good moring to you all. Christina...How's it goin??
Annt, I have a facebook account: rossella messina, and the photo is the photo of the sheep that you see here. There are tons of photos on my wall; as I have nothing to do now, I take photos. Bobbie, yes, Rome is exactly what you say. A beautiful mess. When you drive you can't look around because you have to watch the incredibile things people do while they drive. (and I am one of those people who drives in a creative way, while I am in Rome). And sometimes they just yell and say bad words: sometimes they tell you very funny things because roman people have a great sense of humor. (when they want, of course) I like to live in the country and go often to Rome; while I lived there i was going crazy because everything was complicated and you lost hours and hours in the traffic and looking for parking places. The last two years I lived there I used a motorbike, but it was cold and unpleasant in winter. (can you imagine when I arrived to the office dripping rain!) Annie, yes I have started to tell lies to my mother to keep her quiet. She was worried that I don't have a husband, so I invented I had one, and she asked me "Why is he not here?" And I answered: "Because he is a pilot of Alitalia and he is flying in the USA, right now" Sometimes he goes to Asia, but the poor man doesn't ever go on vacation. Of course my mother's parents are alive, of course all her relatives would like to come and see her, but they are working a lot. My grandfather is 130 years old and he still works... We live in this imaginary world! The only way I can keep her busy is taking here everywhere; she can't do anything now, I am afraid she falls. Sometimes Daniela, my help, gives her towels to fold, but you can't spend the day doing this! Jen, I liked a lot the expression "fellow sufferers". Yes that's what we are! Linda, your father is very tender and I think that is your love who keeps him alive... I don't love my mother as much. And good night to everybody! it's 6 in the morning here.
annie girl ! do u need some firewood ? we burn wood in the winter ad i love it . it is the best heat ever ! , do u get any hot summer days or is it always cold ? im sendng u the heat ..... angie ! so glad u are back with us folks . where is kellybeans ? poof shes gone waaaaaaaa. jsomebody - big hugs to you and love the way you speak ... is FP on his way out yet ? sometimes i think pa is . ssk- pa will be 88 july 8th 1923 . :-) our parents are the same age , finaly got pa out of the bed to eat in the kitchen , brought tears in my sis eyes , she said hes leaning , yes sis i know . he looks pale too . ask him if he would like to watch hee haw . yes yes so i got it playing and he went to sleep . :-( . here soon i ll put him to bed . it wore him out getting out of bed to get in wheelchair and wore the hell outta him sittin on the toilet . it took me and my daughter to get him out of bed , his legs were bouncin off the floor , ahh pa u gotta stand tall and straight , but nah he leans and leans , craacccccccck my back . wheres deefer wheres deflex ??? rip ?? pirate .christina. damn sure miss hearing from them all . hope theyre doing fine and hope they ll ck in soon . bobbie are u staying cool ? i keep my house cool , not freezing not hot , just right for the papa bears . oh i cant stand it , back s aching . i ll go outside and smoke and move around maybe i ll be ok . will ck in again . austin ! when are u going to ur sisters ? did u say sisters ? i know u said u were going somewhere . miz !!! sure hope someone will find u a perfect job . later folks xoxox
Thanks Annie, crisis point is the same day in day out here...has been for years now. It sounds miserable and it is but unfortunately you can get used to misery..truly, but it is what it is, and will continue to unfortunately till he is dead dead dead.... I am the blogs most bitter poster, so the stuff I write is never an escalation just me and my angry disgusted view of this on going hell....
Hope the weekend goes well for everyone. get my $100, for July owe mom $60.00 one prescription, a week late, I been cutting them in half to save money and but option six tickets ;) and moms b day gift will wipe me out day one...why care it doesn't change...Think I'll get two lottery tickets...
Hi to Deef and rip and miz and annt and Bobbie and Linda and Christina and SSK and Angie and rossella and Kuli and Flex and new and long time posters and fellow sufferers...Hang in there...
good evening all, just wanted to say hi .... i am in middle of making mom's dinner... then hopefully later on i can get back on here. it has been a busy week..... OMG i am so tired. just like everyone here..... So my new chapter of caregiving has brought on some different things for me.... learning to have patience with mom.... not always easy.... but learning.... check back later .... love and hugs to all!!!! I am so glad to be back on here.... i have missed everyone..... love angie
Hi everyone. Doing my nightly check in to see the latest comments. Annt I know what you mean about staying up too late. I do too. I think I'm a nightowl anyway but also those few hours after Mom goes to bed are precious and I feel they are MY TIME! So I stay up too late and am usually tired getting up for work in the morning. Meantime, enjoy the breathing space with hubby gone. My Mum used to drive me crazy too asking the same question (what time is it) over and over again. - nearly went insane at the time and found it so very hard to be patient with her though there were times when I was gritting my teeth answering her. I found providing a distraction for her helped i.e I used to pull all the towels and sheets out of the closet and get her to fold them for me. Mom loved to fold and though towards the latter half of her illness I would have to redo them myself, it was worth it to get an hour's peace. Now of course Mom is gone way pas that and there is no walking and practically no speech. Try is with your Mom, maybe it will help. Your poor Mom, imagine how low her self esteem must have been to put up with your Dad having a mistress. I'd have brained him and her too. How much time do you get from Hospice coming to the house. Can you go out and maybe meet friends for coffee during that time or go to the library or something just to get out of the house? JSomebody I'm worried about you. You sound like you are nearing crisis point. Is there anyway you can get a break? Use emotional blackmail if you have too but you need to get away for a few hours at least. Rossellamex - my Mom sounds like she's in the same place as your Mom. She hasn't known that I'm her Daughter in years now. When she had more speech she used to say to me 'sure we were always great friends, we went to school together' and I used to just go along with it cause it made her happy. In the beginning we had some funny incidents - if you didn't laugh you'd cry. Mom told me that she wasn't married and had no children and that she would never have married my Dad anyway. When I asked her why, she told me that her Parents would not allow it and when I asked why again, she said well Jack was a great worker but a bit wild! Actually that was my Dad to a T. Sounds like you are all complaing of the heat - well guess what. I'm sitting her tonight with a fire on! Yeah tomorrow is July 1st and it's bleedin cool here - 14 deg C which I think translates to 58-62F so send some of that heat over here please!
Hi Linda, and everyone, sorry pa's not feeling so good. The heat is probably making him tired. Almost 88 yo. My mom was born in 1923. Nov. so they're around the same age. I'm going to try to get her to sleep on her side and see if it helps with the foot drop. am looking up side sleeper pillow. I got lots done this morning, but now am running out of steam. ssk
happy noon u all . ckin in to say hi and i am ok . walkin carefuly to make sure my back doesnt crack . you all take care and dont get no heat stroke ! . bobbie yes i remmy u had heat stroke and jumped in the pool with ur phone in ur pocket . pa will be 88 yrs old next friday , he s not doing good , sleeps tons and only wake up to eat . when i gethim out of bed , he cries ohh i am so tired i just wanna lay back down . and gets short breath . poor guy . makin me sad . ok need to get the dogs and take em for a walk , u all have a good merry day . xoxoxox
Now THAT was long winded. Wonder how long that will stay on the thread before AC pops it off....
checking in and boy you guys are working your collective tails off.
Miz! proud of you to do so well on the tests. Screw Excel. AND what a great example of anticipatory stress and what a waste of time. I know all about anticipatory stress because it really can debilitate me if I am not right on top of it. I have been in the deep funk for a few weeks and so hey, I get it and love ya Miz! Good Job!!
Kuli! what a great thing that your dad was at your daughter's wedding! Wow and I love it. How is he doing? How are you doing?
Angie! good to see from you and ya! you are fighting the good fight.
ssk! how goes the renter thang? I know that you'll get some great people and have a little family going there.
Jen! yes, something is going to happen soon and it will be good. Option Six!! yu are a loving person.
Rossella! good for you to get to Rome for a few hours. That is so magical for me and I bet that I'm not the only one here who feels that way. Rome is like a disney land for some of us.. a magical place that we would love to visit and we are sure we would have a great time. Since I like to drive, I have always wanted to drive in Rome and get yelled at in Italian all the while grinning like an idiot because I don't know what they're saying and don't care. heehee.
annt, you have a good 'time off' from your depressed husband. That behavior is stunning and you have my respect for handling it so well. If he is still alive with no puncture wounds you are indeed handling it well. I was with a man who did the days in bed thing and I had no understanding of depression which was evidenced by the fact that I poured ice water over him when I had had enough and yammered at him while he packed. Poor guy. I saw him years later at a mall in LA and I hid. He was with a rather florid woman and there were kids and I had no idea whether they were all a family and also had no desire to find out. Now I get the depression and will try to stay in bed and Nik will come in with ice water and I get right up..... probably shouldn't have told him that story....
AnnieGirl! your situation in Ireland just reinforces what a lot of us Americans believe which is that Europe is way ahead of the game when it comes to common sense. Job sharing, caregivers from the state, that kind of thing. You're a good voice of reason Annie!
Linda! hey there and how are you doing? kiss Pa for me! I know that you work so hard. How is your daughter and how is the house she wants? is it working out?
Deef! all better yet? I know that you were healing but are you still on the mend?
Flex! Love ya flex and I hope that you are holding on to your sanity in the midst of all of this crapola.
Christina! where are you and how is it all going? I saw that you got heat sick while golfing. Too hot for that stuff, especially once it's happened to you and then you are more sensitive. I got heat sick last year and can still be easily overwhelmed by heat, stress and too much paperwork.
maxine! glad no one at church remembered the anniversary. You just keep on keeping on. You're a sweetheart.
All of those I missed, please check in and let us know how you're doing.
Back to sorting, packing and hair pulling out.. love you guys more than you know, lovbob
gmorn, i remmy when mom used to folow me around everywhere and wouldn't le t me out of her sight. the neighbors called us "me and my shadow". I still have to keep an eye on her constantly, but she is not very mobile so it's easier now. Its amazing how a decrease in humidity can give me energy. deef, are you getting ready for fourth of july? It's a crazy time here on the Cape, everyone is running around trying to get ready for all the visitors. I had another person look at the room yest, and another coming over today, so am making progress. I'm so stressed I feel like crying but I just keep moving. Well, on that note, I'll go and do more cleaning.
Hi All, It's midnight and I'm still awake even tho the hospice aide comes at 6:30am. I won't be worth much tomorrow. It's nice at night. Mama is asleep so I can relax. My hubby is out of town until Sunday so I don't have him to deal with. Just me right now and I hate to go to sleep and miss out on all this lovely solitude. I find it very precious to me now. Mama wants to be in the same room with me every minute of the day. If I'm in the kitchen, she comes in there asking constantly what she can do to help. There's nothing I can ask her to do that won't hurt her, make her fall, or cause me a terrible mess to clean up. If I'm gone for more than 5mins she starts looking for me. I'm one of those people who need alone time and I'm just not getting it. Rossella, Jen and Dflex....your stories are so sad and yet so typical of what we caregivers have to deal with. Annie..your job situation sounds wonderful. I've thought of getting a job outside the home and paying a sitter. Working from home is difficult. I done it before. When you're home you are expected to act like you're not working and at everyones beck and call. Besides, I enjoy people and good conversation. Sometimes coworkers can be very pleasant and interesting people. Maybe I should go to a temp agency too and just see what's available. I don't know. I'm in a state of inertia right now. Too tired to want to do anything but knowing I need to snap out of it and go to work. I could put mom in day care. Probably just what I need to save my sanity. Annie...what's your town like? I have a real love for anything Irish and dream of the Emeral Isle. In my mind it's very peaceful and old fashioned. Kinda like Brigadoon. Aside from Belfast etc of course. I would love to see pictures of it. Do you have a facebook account? and do you put pictures up on it if you do? Same for you Rosella...I'd love to know about where you live. We should swap stories about our towns. I live in a very small southern town. Only one traffic light. Our only claim to fame is that Oliver Hardy was born here. Every year we have the Oliver Hardy Festival and people dress up like the old comedian. We have a parade and booths selling goodies and trinkets etc. But it's usually in September and it still steaming hot here. That takes some of the fun out of it for me. Looks like I'll be staying right here in my igloo til the weather cools off. If I can't be in the water, then I don't want to be in the heat. I'm rambling I know. I really should go try to get some sleep. Thinking of you all. Won't try to name all of you....you know who you are. Hugs to ya! G'Nite
Angie and Dtflex: I know there are periods where you are so exhausted and depressed that you think you can't make it for one more day. And then, all over sudden, you find the strength again and you continue! It seems we have pools of energy somewhere, and we draw from it when it's necessary! Of course a little pause helps. I went to see my cousin in Rome, today, and we spent 2 pleasant hours chatting and it was worth the trip. Yes, Austin, I take a break from now and then from my normal life, otherwise I would crash! You are very sweet, as usual.
Annt, if you could find a job which allowed you to hire a help, even if you had to give the help all the money that you earn with your work, it would be okay, because at least you would have a change of scenery, you would see other people... Really, caregiving is not a work you can do 24/7.
Annie, I know what you mean: when you have to take care of a parent you have to forgive all the mistakes that they have made when we were children. The problem is when the person you take care of is no more recognizable; "this" mother I am taking care of, is no more my real mother, with all her qualities and faults. She is another person, she is the product of the disease. So it's even more difficult, it is almost the effort of a superman, to take care of a person that 90% you don't recognize (and she doesn't recognize you). I don't know how we do it; when I get up every morning I have to decide that I am willing to do it one more day, And so we go on, day after day....
Feel tired and out of sorts here, not sure why, waiting for something to happen know it wont, can only get worse and I suspect it will...God have some f)@#%ing compassion here, some thing has got to give, this is intolerable.
Yes, Annie I think you're right. There were many days in mom's life when she was happy, but for the most part she was sad and depressed. I don't think she got what she needed out of life and her marriage. My dad had a mistress for years and mom just put up with it. He would even go on vacation with her and her husband. Weird situation. I try to take all that into consideration, but in the middle of some crisis or other, I forget. Thanks for reminding me. That's not condescending, it's called being a friend. Today has been a very good day. Got things done and mama did real well. She doing so well in fact, I'm afraid that Hospice will graduate her and stop coming. Good news and bad news. I'm so glad she is improving like she is, but I would hate to lose Hospice. Well, that's all I know for now. Back atcha later.
Hey Everyone. I've been cleaning house all day. Started my day at Walmart getting groceries at 8am. My hubby left this morning to go to his parents to do some things around their house. They are both 88yrs old and can't keep up with the repairs. Both are in poor health, but get around very well. They both still drive and plant a small garden every year. Wish mom could do things like that. But it is what it is. Anyway, I'm looking forward to having him out of my hair for a few days. That only leaves mom to clean up after. Dang, that's like a vacation!
I've been putting it off because I have to jump up every few minutes to help mama. You have to have a land line phone too and I just have cell phones. I think it's a call center kind of thing where you take calls on your land line and fill out order forms online. The first thing the application asks is what is the phone number of a dedicated land line. I didn't have one so I stopped right there. I envision being on the phone taking an order and mama falling on her head. It's hard to find even a few hours a day when I know I won't be interrupted, but I need to give it some serious thought. Miz..sounds like you got the right idea about keeping your job for a couple weeks. Sounds like you did great with the testing. I'm afraid if speed and accuracy were required, I'd never get a job. Didn't need speed with my old job. When I did marketing I could take my time. I would need help with excel too. Austin...I like your idea about planting a hydrangea bush. My son still has my ex-husband's ashes. Since he was a blooming idiot, it would be very appropriate to plant something like that over his ashes. Think I'll suggest it. Yes SSk..vent your heart out!! Jsome...ewwwww! Know what you mean about the diahrrea on the toilet seat. And have you looked at the under side of the lid...again..ewwwwwww...thank god for clorox wipes. I haven't read the latest comments yet so let me do that and get back to ya!
Hi Everyone...just checking in. Long day at work but going to work is a helluva lot easier than staying home looking after Mom. I job share which means I work 3 days one week and 2 days the alternate week. Best of both worlds! Rosellamex - re me going after someone with a knife ... I have some red in my hair. You know what that means re temper!!! Though so far I've resisted the urge to actually do physical harm to anyone tempted though I've been and that's just to my immediate family! We do this because we are good people OK!!!! There are givers and takers in every family and we just happen to be givers. I'm a big believer in Karma and I do believe what goes around comes around. I've seen it happen too many times for there not to be merit in it. Annt can I say something to you without being condescencing? When I was younger I expected that my Parents would always do the right thing and and be the best kind of people and in many respects they were but as I've gotten older, I now accept that they were not perfect and they had their flaws and little odd ways. I'm thinking your Mom must have been a very unhappy woman all her life. She never learned the valuable lesson that no-one can make you happy. We are each responsible for our own happiness. Maybe it would help you when next you feel aggravated with her to think of her like that. In the Meantime I hope Ann that the Migraine has left. They are not a nice thing to suffer from. Chins everyone and Nite Nite.
So I went and took my tests this morning. Did okay except for the Excel one. I can do a tutorial online though. They told me that they recommend keeping your current job as the people that would hire me would understand that I have to give my current employer two weeks notice...unless, they said, I really hate it there. LOL. So, that frees me up from some of the stress I was carrying around. I will wait for a little while at least to give my notice. At least it is SOME money coming in. Austin, thank you for saying you are proud of me. Hubby said it too and it means a lot. I know what you mean about the black hole. Please stay away from there. And I will try to also. :))
Hi everyone I read the posts last night but was too tired to write notesLinda I really do not miss him-he most likely had serious mental problems besided bi-polor none of his work friens came to the service-some day I will have to forgive but that is what God wants me to do, We planted a hydgrega bush in his honor and it is in blood nicely for the anniversary of his death-no one at church remembered the day-not surprised at all. thank you all for your kind words Rosella go out and have fun whenever you can you deserve it. SSK vent all you want and need to that is why we are here, My sister does a craft show in Camden Maine above the harbor and it is so beautiful. Bobbbie as always you are the voice of reason Bobbie hang in there you need a breakAnnt -I love Patricia cornwall I joined a book club to be able to read authors that I would have tried otherwise.Anniegirl welcome aboard I found this site while caring for my husband and could not believe complete stranger who gave me such love and support and I try to pass on some of the unasked for experience to help others Miz I am proud of you for going to the employment office-you will know the right time and what to say to your current complete -pray on it and God will give you the words. Ann Goodwill gets my business my husband was addicted to spending, Annt you are allowed to blow up when you need to. Miz you might want t have your own get-together and just invite those you like- with all you have been through you do not need to be someplace where dumb people make you feel bad. I have taken too many mental health days where I stay in bed most of the day-usually try to keep busy-but the black hole calls me close often
Hey Diane, I sure know how you feel........ i know everyone on here knows exactly how feel. We have been or will be where the other is... So thank you all for being here....although i come and go on here, due to circumstances, i try to abreast of everyone...so i love you all more than everyone of could know. when passed all of you were my rock.... now the new chapter with mom well , i will be here for years to come i am sure.... and i thank god and all of you.......for sure. I know as rough as i have it, there are many more worse than I........so off to bed for me... talk to all tomorrow and love and hugs to alll ......................... ANGIE
Hey crew, I'm sorry, but I'm not getting to keep up with you guys like I want. Just seem so busy between work, caregiving and housekeeping. I know you all can relate. I just wanted to stop in and say hello and let you all know I am thinking of you. Angie, the idea of sailing away and having martinis (dirty martinis) sounds sooooo wonderful. Mom gets more and more confused everyday and it's so hard just to try have a somewhat normal conversation. I'm just tired of all this crap, just like the rest of you.
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My checks finally came in so I guess I'll get to keep my phone and car insurance for another month. Thank you Lord!!!
You know you guys gave a whole new meaning to "the after life". Ha! Now we're talking about the life we will have after caregiving. It's got to be bittersweet. I know what I'll be doing...Job hunting. If there's any insurance money coming to me and if I'm not in the poor house by then I may just get rid of my "turkey waddle". Know what I mean? I don't have a thing in the world against plastic surgery. Wouldn't do the whole face lift thing but a little nip and tuck wouldn't be too bad.
Jsome....FP has left the building!!! What in the world will you do without him??LOL!
Miz...it's amazing how many we can grieve for. I miss my Dad, my ex-husband even tho he was an idiot, he was the love of my life, and I'm missing Mama already. Grief starts long before death for caregivers.
J...put a bow on that ticket and give it to her as her bday gift. Then make a big deal of watching the results on tv. I don't do lotto so I guess it's on tv. I see it all the time here. Or go by the grocery store and get a bunch of flowers for $10. Life's hard, gotta economize. She prob won't know the difference. It's the thought...and all that they say...you know. Just enjoy being away from him what ever you do.
Cuz.....isn't it about time for a joke here?
Hey Ross!
Hey Bobbie! Can we take your boat to Ireland? Let's go see Annie..
Hey Annie...my brothers use to make fun of me as a kid...they'd say.."Annie Annie big fat fannie".....I would fly at them like a hornet. Got my block knocked off a couple of times. I had to learn to fight. Three brothers and no sisters and I was the baby. Life is cruel! Ha! And I wasn't even fat! God help me if I had been. They would have tormented me.
Ya'll have a great afternoon.
ltr
sometimes it helps for us caregivers to understand the after life and what to expect after that . all i know is i am not lookin fwrd to that day but it will come and i will have to accept it .
all i know is when the day comes i will be taking a road trip . i mean a long one ! and i do know that i will go see bobbie and her boat and i want to see the dolpine well maybe the gator if he is still around . i ll grab his tail and take a big bite out of it :-)
ure not suppose to worry about money or how the bills r getting paid , let your hubby do the worry . u take a break . i worry about mine cuz im the only one that pays the bills and handle the check book . hubby has no clue for 31 and half yrs . so whatever ! i wish i didnt have to pay bills and let hubby do it so i dont have to worry . my gfriend says her hubby pays the bills and all she has to do is buy grocries , damn how lucky ! money worries sucks !
alrighty everybodys talkin about bath shower and im thinkin damn whens the last time i took one . guess i shall go take one . lol
xoxox
love,
miz
jen i sure hope u win !!!! i need to start buyin lottery ticket too . once ina great while i ll spend a buck or 2 , then dont buy any for a long time . just only when i feel lucky then its a slap across the face , lol
miz- saw ur other post . i sure hope there is a life after caregiving . hopefully somene will answer that and be able to help you . all i know it took me a whole year to get over my moms death . im griefing a little bit while watchin dad sleep his life away . sure is painful to watch but at least he s not in pain ,
put a smile on our face and say yep 4th july is a coming ....
guess we will have a gathering on 3rd of july sunday . so means i ll be bustin my hindend . you all are invited !! come on over ! margarita for everyone .
you all have a happy day . xoxox
It's 6:30am and I'm waiting for my hospice girl to come. She come 5 days a week. What a blessing! She puts mom in the shower and dresses her and then tidies up her bedroom and bathroom. It starts my day off on a whole different note than on the weekends when I have to do it. Like you Linda I have a terrible back. In pain all the time. I take Meloxicam at night and tramadol in the morning for it. Kinda keeps it in check but probably has some side effects I will regret. Hope your back starts to feel better soon. Speaking of smoking Linda, When mama came here she was very sick and she forgot that she smoked. Since I'm very allergic to cigarrette smoke that was just fine with me. Once or twice she has asked where her cigarettes are and I just say You quit smoking Mom and threw them all away. She goes OHHH and that's it. Ha! Easy way to quit is to get senile!lol! So sorry Pa is not feeling well. Bless his heart!!
Ross I'll look for you on fb. I love photography too. I have framed bw pictures in my dining room of sites here in Augusta,GA. Augusta(the home of the Masters Golf tournament) is only 20 miles from me. Rome sounds like a wonderfully exciting place to visit, but not live.
Annie...your town sounds wonderful too. How are you doing today? It must be what about lunch time there?
I had to stop and let the hospice girl in...then make coffee and muffins for mama. She likes a muffin with her coffee.
Jsome...we're with you girl! "yellow sufferers" Ha!! Yeah! And I know what you mean about getting used to crisis mode. It does become a way of life after awhile. I don't know what that's doing to our bodies and minds but it's a fact of life for us.
Angie..goodmorning! Hope you have a good day today.
Miz...Hey! Have a great day.
Deef, Rip, Kelliebean, Cuz, Ssk, Kuli, of course Bobbie....Good moring to you all.
Christina...How's it goin??
Hear from you all later I hope.
Bobbie, yes, Rome is exactly what you say. A beautiful mess. When you drive you can't look around because you have to watch the incredibile things people do while they drive. (and I am one of those people who drives in a creative way, while I am in Rome). And sometimes they just yell and say bad words: sometimes they tell you very funny things because roman people have a great sense of humor. (when they want, of course) I like to live in the country and go often to Rome; while I lived there i was going crazy because everything was complicated and you lost hours and hours in the traffic and looking for parking places. The last two years I lived there I used a motorbike, but it was cold and unpleasant in winter. (can you imagine when I arrived to the office dripping rain!)
Annie, yes I have started to tell lies to my mother to keep her quiet. She was worried that I don't have a husband, so I invented I had one, and she asked me "Why is he not here?" And I answered: "Because he is a pilot of Alitalia and he is flying in the USA, right now" Sometimes he goes to Asia, but the poor man doesn't ever go on vacation. Of course my mother's parents are alive, of course all her relatives would like to come and see her, but they are working a lot. My grandfather is 130 years old and he still works... We live in this imaginary world! The only way I can keep her busy is taking here everywhere; she can't do anything now, I am afraid she falls. Sometimes Daniela, my help, gives her towels to fold, but you can't spend the day doing this!
Jen, I liked a lot the expression "fellow sufferers". Yes that's what we are!
Linda, your father is very tender and I think that is your love who keeps him alive... I don't love my mother as much.
And good night to everybody! it's 6 in the morning here.
angie ! so glad u are back with us folks . where is kellybeans ? poof shes gone waaaaaaaa.
jsomebody - big hugs to you and love the way you speak ... is FP on his way out yet ?
sometimes i think pa is .
ssk- pa will be 88 july 8th 1923 . :-) our parents are the same age ,
finaly got pa out of the bed to eat in the kitchen , brought tears in my sis eyes , she said hes leaning , yes sis i know . he looks pale too . ask him if he would like to watch hee haw . yes yes so i got it playing and he went to sleep . :-( . here soon i ll put him to bed . it wore him out getting out of bed to get in wheelchair and wore the hell outta him sittin on the toilet . it took me and my daughter to get him out of bed , his legs were bouncin off the floor , ahh pa u gotta stand tall and straight , but nah he leans and leans , craacccccccck my back .
wheres deefer wheres deflex ??? rip ?? pirate .christina. damn sure miss hearing from them all . hope theyre doing fine and hope they ll ck in soon .
bobbie are u staying cool ? i keep my house cool , not freezing not hot , just right for the papa bears .
oh i cant stand it , back s aching . i ll go outside and smoke and move around maybe i ll be ok . will ck in again .
austin ! when are u going to ur sisters ? did u say sisters ? i know u said u were going somewhere .
miz !!! sure hope someone will find u a perfect job .
later folks xoxox
I am the blogs most bitter poster, so the stuff I write is never an escalation just me and my angry disgusted view of this on going hell....
Hope the weekend goes well for everyone. get my $100, for July owe mom $60.00 one prescription, a week late, I been cutting them in half to save money and but option six tickets ;) and moms b day gift will wipe me out day one...why care it doesn't change...Think I'll get two lottery tickets...
Hi to Deef and rip and miz and annt and Bobbie and Linda and Christina and SSK and Angie and rossella and Kuli and Flex and new and long time posters and fellow sufferers...Hang in there...
love,
miz
JSomebody I'm worried about you. You sound like you are nearing crisis point. Is there anyway you can get a break? Use emotional blackmail if you have too but you need to get away for a few hours at least.
Rossellamex - my Mom sounds like she's in the same place as your Mom. She hasn't known that I'm her Daughter in years now. When she had more speech she used to say to me 'sure we were always great friends, we went to school together' and I used to just go along with it cause it made her happy. In the beginning we had some funny incidents - if you didn't laugh you'd cry. Mom told me that she wasn't married and had no children and that she would never have married my Dad anyway. When I asked her why, she told me that her Parents would not allow it and when I asked why again, she said well Jack was a great worker but a bit wild! Actually that was my Dad to a T.
Sounds like you are all complaing of the heat - well guess what. I'm sitting her tonight with a fire on! Yeah tomorrow is July 1st and it's bleedin cool here - 14 deg C which I think translates to 58-62F so send some of that heat over here please!
I got lots done this morning, but now am running out of steam. ssk
ckin in to say hi and i am ok . walkin carefuly to make sure my back doesnt crack .
you all take care and dont get no heat stroke ! . bobbie yes i remmy u had heat stroke and jumped in the pool with ur phone in ur pocket .
pa will be 88 yrs old next friday , he s not doing good , sleeps tons and only wake up to eat . when i gethim out of bed , he cries ohh i am so tired i just wanna lay back down . and gets short breath . poor guy . makin me sad .
ok need to get the dogs and take em for a walk ,
u all have a good merry day . xoxoxox
Now THAT was long winded. Wonder how long that will stay on the thread before AC pops it off....
checking in and boy you guys are working your collective tails off.
Miz! proud of you to do so well on the tests. Screw Excel. AND what a great example of anticipatory stress and what a waste of time. I know all about anticipatory stress because it really can debilitate me if I am not right on top of it. I have been in the deep funk for a few weeks and so hey, I get it and love ya Miz! Good Job!!
Kuli! what a great thing that your dad was at your daughter's wedding! Wow and I love it. How is he doing? How are you doing?
Angie! good to see from you and ya! you are fighting the good fight.
ssk! how goes the renter thang? I know that you'll get some great people and have a little family going there.
Jen! yes, something is going to happen soon and it will be good. Option Six!! yu are a loving person.
Rossella! good for you to get to Rome for a few hours. That is so magical for me and I bet that I'm not the only one here who feels that way. Rome is like a disney land for some of us.. a magical place that we would love to visit and we are sure we would have a great time.
Since I like to drive, I have always wanted to drive in Rome and get yelled at in Italian all the while grinning like an idiot because I don't know what they're saying and don't care. heehee.
annt, you have a good 'time off' from your depressed husband. That behavior is stunning and you have my respect for handling it so well. If he is still alive with no puncture wounds you are indeed handling it well.
I was with a man who did the days in bed thing and I had no understanding of depression which was evidenced by the fact that I poured ice water over him when I had had enough and yammered at him while he packed. Poor guy. I saw him years later at a mall in LA and I hid. He was with a rather florid woman and there were kids and I had no idea whether they were all a family and also had no desire to find out.
Now I get the depression and will try to stay in bed and Nik will come in with ice water and I get right up..... probably shouldn't have told him that story....
AnnieGirl! your situation in Ireland just reinforces what a lot of us Americans believe which is that Europe is way ahead of the game when it comes to common sense. Job sharing, caregivers from the state, that kind of thing.
You're a good voice of reason Annie!
Linda! hey there and how are you doing? kiss Pa for me! I know that you work so hard. How is your daughter and how is the house she wants? is it working out?
Deef! all better yet? I know that you were healing but are you still on the mend?
Flex! Love ya flex and I hope that you are holding on to your sanity in the midst of all of this crapola.
Christina! where are you and how is it all going? I saw that you got heat sick while golfing. Too hot for that stuff, especially once it's happened to you and then you are more sensitive. I got heat sick last year and can still be easily overwhelmed by heat, stress and too much paperwork.
maxine! glad no one at church remembered the anniversary. You just keep on keeping on. You're a sweetheart.
All of those I missed, please check in and let us know how you're doing.
Back to sorting, packing and hair pulling out..
love you guys more than you know,
lovbob
Its amazing how a decrease in humidity can give me energy.
deef, are you getting ready for fourth of july? It's a crazy time here on the Cape, everyone is running around trying to get ready for all the visitors.
I had another person look at the room yest, and another coming over today, so am making progress. I'm so stressed I feel like crying but I just keep moving.
Well, on that note, I'll go and do more cleaning.
It's midnight and I'm still awake even tho the hospice aide comes at 6:30am. I won't be worth much tomorrow. It's nice at night. Mama is asleep so I can relax. My hubby is out of town until Sunday so I don't have him to deal with. Just me right now and I hate to go to sleep and miss out on all this lovely solitude. I find it very precious to me now. Mama wants to be in the same room with me every minute of the day. If I'm in the kitchen, she comes in there asking constantly what she can do to help. There's nothing I can ask her to do that won't hurt her, make her fall, or cause me a terrible mess to clean up. If I'm gone for more than 5mins she starts looking for me. I'm one of those people who need alone time and I'm just not getting it.
Rossella, Jen and Dflex....your stories are so sad and yet so typical of what we caregivers have to deal with. Annie..your job situation sounds wonderful. I've thought of getting a job outside the home and paying a sitter. Working from home is difficult. I done it before. When you're home you are expected to act like you're not working and at everyones beck and call. Besides, I enjoy people and good conversation. Sometimes coworkers can be very pleasant and interesting people. Maybe I should go to a temp agency too and just see what's available. I don't know. I'm in a state of inertia right now. Too tired to want to do anything but knowing I need to snap out of it and go to work. I could put mom in day care. Probably just what I need to save my sanity.
Annie...what's your town like? I have a real love for anything Irish and dream of the Emeral Isle. In my mind it's very peaceful and old fashioned. Kinda like Brigadoon. Aside from Belfast etc of course. I would love to see pictures of it. Do you have a facebook account? and do you put pictures up on it if you do?
Same for you Rosella...I'd love to know about where you live. We should swap stories about our towns. I live in a very small southern town. Only one traffic light. Our only claim to fame is that Oliver Hardy was born here. Every year we have the Oliver Hardy Festival and people dress up like the old comedian. We have a parade and booths selling goodies and trinkets etc. But it's usually in September and it still steaming hot here. That takes some of the fun out of it for me. Looks like I'll be staying right here in my igloo til the weather cools off. If I can't be in the water, then I don't want to be in the heat.
I'm rambling I know. I really should go try to get some sleep.
Thinking of you all. Won't try to name all of you....you know who you are. Hugs to ya!
G'Nite
Annt, if you could find a job which allowed you to hire a help, even if you had to give the help all the money that you earn with your work, it would be okay, because at least you would have a change of scenery, you would see other people... Really, caregiving is not a work you can do 24/7.
Annie, I know what you mean: when you have to take care of a parent you have to forgive all the mistakes that they have made when we were children. The problem is when the person you take care of is no more recognizable; "this" mother I am taking care of, is no more my real mother, with all her qualities and faults. She is another person, she is the product of the disease. So it's even more difficult, it is almost the effort of a superman, to take care of a person that 90% you don't recognize (and she doesn't recognize you). I don't know how we do it; when I get up every morning I have to decide that I am willing to do it one more day,
And so we go on, day after day....
Today has been a very good day. Got things done and mama did real well. She doing so well in fact, I'm afraid that Hospice will graduate her and stop coming. Good news and bad news. I'm so glad she is improving like she is, but I would hate to lose Hospice.
Well, that's all I know for now. Back atcha later.
I've been putting it off because I have to jump up every few minutes to help mama. You have to have a land line phone too and I just have cell phones. I think it's a call center kind of thing where you take calls on your land line and fill out order forms online. The first thing the application asks is what is the phone number of a dedicated land line. I didn't have one so I stopped right there. I envision being on the phone taking an order and mama falling on her head. It's hard to find even a few hours a day when I know I won't be interrupted, but I need to give it some serious thought.
Miz..sounds like you got the right idea about keeping your job for a couple weeks. Sounds like you did great with the testing. I'm afraid if speed and accuracy were required, I'd never get a job. Didn't need speed with my old job. When I did marketing I could take my time. I would need help with excel too.
Austin...I like your idea about planting a hydrangea bush. My son still has my ex-husband's ashes. Since he was a blooming idiot, it would be very appropriate to plant something like that over his ashes. Think I'll suggest it.
Yes SSk..vent your heart out!!
Jsome...ewwwww! Know what you mean about the diahrrea on the toilet seat.
And have you looked at the under side of the lid...again..ewwwwwww...thank god for clorox wipes. I haven't read the latest comments yet so let me do that and get back to ya!
love,
miz
I'm sorry, but I'm not getting to keep up with you guys like I want. Just seem so busy between work, caregiving and housekeeping. I know you all can relate. I just wanted to stop in and say hello and let you all know I am thinking of you. Angie, the idea of sailing away and having martinis (dirty martinis) sounds sooooo wonderful. Mom gets more and more confused everyday and it's so hard just to try have a somewhat normal conversation. I'm just tired of all this crap, just like the rest of you.
Take care dear friends,
Diane