Grossed out and need to vent—I just caught Mom using my toothbrush to comb her hair!

Hey 1Day!
Wow and good to see from you!
Yay for your stepson coming home for good! whew!
Thank God everyone knows better with your mom's complaining. Everyone here believed my mom when she complained about me. ugh.
Anyhoo, good to see from you!
lovbob

Hi everyone!
Just checking in - things are going .... Had my Mom for the weekend along with a houseful of guest! - My MIL , a friend of the fam, my daughter, son, stepdaughter and step son - Mom did fine for the first day but began to act out on Sunday because she did not like it because my MIL went to church with us - taking too much attention from her - complained to everyone at church that I was being mean to her - of course they knew better - All in all it was a good weekend though - my stepson just returned from Iraq and surprised us! He is out for good now so we are thankful for that! Mom decided she didnt know "those people" and wanted to go back to my sister's on Sunday afternoon, so I took her back and she was being evil to my sister and decided she was just stay in her room - got better yesterday, but in a mood again this morning when I picked her up to take her to daycare - still says it wont be long - she is ready - I still never respond to that and just change the subject which makes her mad at me - but she was fine when she got to the daycare and they were exercising - she likes that so until 2:30 - they get to deal with her moods.
I am still job searching - Hoping something will come up soon!
Have a great day everyone - as much as possible! - It is Hot as Hell here in MD! Summer is definitely here!

Me I am still just a waitin' for the funeral..were up he's up crabbin idiotically AT the TV. what ever ADH day yes GO AWAY! Sick from the heat here, l;literally. It isn't that hot but I am not into HOT...Have some sort of heat rash now too...beh Hope week goes OK for everyone....

Good Morning Crew!
love you guys.

DEEF!! whassup!!
ya, at least you didn't have to buy all the food and do all the cooking but jeeze, people still never fail to amaze me with their selfishness. thank God you have an older sister who is supportive.
I know what you mean when the water is still to cold to swim in. Nice to look at but really makes you ache.
Linda and Jen and I are going to show up and swim in your pool! THEN we'll all help with the chores and THEN we'll all sit around and get schnockered. Oh Ya!
you're not going to miss out on life Deef!! Life is right there and you're going to be able to live it and have some fun to boot. Have fun at the Casino! Penny Slots... now that's my speed. Sit there and play for hours and win enough to have a cheeseburger and fries.... heaven! I like that: Option 7!!

I think that your husband and annt's husband should open a business together and call it Doing Nothing.
you say to them: so, what do you do? and they say: Nothing.
And then you say: How do you know when you're done?

annt, that was good, to get your mom out to DQ.
Ya, the unions used to be a good idea about 90 years ago and now it's just another excuse to screw people.
and I do understand people who don't fight for anything to the detriment to everyone around them. If I had fought more for different programs and benefits things would not have been so tough on all of us then and now. I was just in such a deep hole taking care of mom, her hoarding, her broken down houses and big building that I couldn't wrap my brain around much else and of course there was no one to help me navigate the 'system' to get what we all needed. jeeze louise.
I have been self employed most of my life too but have paid some into SS. Of course my peak earning years where I had a GREAT job before I lost it to care for mom is what will keep my SS down at the minimum, sad to say but hopefully it will be something. man what a situation.

I cried too when i read that you and your mom just held each other and cried and cried yesterday. oh annt, I hope you like boats so when this job is over you can come and hang out with me for a little bit.

Glad you guys got a laugh out of the condiment aisle. And it's not shop lifting but pant dropping....
And no it wasn't a Walmart and also I don't wear panties. Don't even own panties. Don't like anything crawling up my butt. Don't own any bras either but that is going to have to change because as I get older my boobs are getting bigger and lower and not all my cotton shirts have 2 pockets 5 inches above my roll.

Saw an infomercial on the Genie Bra and am thinking about getting some of those.
Speaking of infomercials I am also fantasizing about getting a Lifestyle Lift.
That's right, my life would be complete with a Liftstyle Lift, a Genie Bra and a 8' stack of 50's sliced thin.

Jen! I love the red dress to the funeral idea. somebody has to bring the Fun to Funeral....
At mom's funeral the people across the street wore bright colors and man oh man, that sports coat the dude had on was so loud it almost woke mom up....

Linda! sounds like you had quite the par tay yesterday! good for you and I get it that you hate to cook but someone has to. I also don't like it when you ask: whaddya want for dinner? and everybody is all ... oh whatever. At least Pa knows what he wants...
You had me laughing about the 'killing spree' that the 14 year old dog would go on if not restrained. I shouldn't laugh about that but man, like I have said many times, you are one funny writer.

Flex!! Ya, imaginary people are all part of the demented landscape. You know that I have written before about playacting with mom and threatening to murder all of the imaginary people that she saw in her closet. it worked for her and she would go to sleep with a smile because she knew I was on the job with a Texas flyswatter or ball bat. Still very disturbing when you can't find a solution.

SSK! Nice Cookout! and I hear you about the advice thing... I have done it and wish I could have done it for myself.... Caregiver! Save thyself!
At least you know that you did a good thing and I really want to believe that those good things come back to you.

Angie!! wow, your brother and the mortgage, eh? whatta bum. I know that you have the peace of knowing that you were there for your dad and no stupid sib can ever take that away and I bet you also know that it eats away at them. Sad.
I happen to like the blow up pool. Do you have one with the little compressor or do you have to blow it up with a bike tire pump or...?

Rossella! yup, the stress does insane things to our bodies. I still have panic attacks... had one last night and woke up calling out 'crazy, crazy!' Nik woke up and the Cat got a fat tail and I am so grateful that they are here with me because I creid and cried and then we had a nightmare party and drank water and watched another infomercial on some green pots and pans.
Rossella! the boat is ready when you are! talk about no stress!
They just did a sleep study where they learned that people who fell asleep in hammocks with the rocking motion got a deeper more restful sleep.
When I had the boat docked on a fast river and there was a lot of movement, I slept like the proverbial baby and loved it. Some folks don't like that kind of thing, but hey! I do.

Maxine!! Glad your son passed his sand and didn't have to deal with a golf ball! Ow Ow Ow.
I speak to Ted every few weeks when he calls and he always sends his best to everyone. He is doing ok and still has his hands full with his mom and caregiving. This thread did what it was designed to do for him and that was lift him out of the black hole, let him know that he is not alone and I always tell him that we think of him. He figures that he's just to busy to keep up with the posts so he can't give the attention that he would like to so we shoot the bull every now and again and that works for him.

Speaking of dudes, Cuz!! how are you and the family and my Aunt H? Hear anything form J&C in FL? I hope they're doing as well as possible even though I can't get it together to cope with it all.

Miz! Your new thread is getting some nice feedback and I hope that you can use some of it and boy do I get that nursing homes are some depressing places! Any news on the temp agency front?

Christina! I know that you're working hard to figure out exactly how to deal with the next phase and just know that we're pulling for you!

PrissyPriscilla! Saw on your wall that your mom had a bath!! WooHoo! When she starts to get ripe again don't forget the Febreeze and don't forget your sense of humor. I know how hard it is to find a sense of humor on the bathroom floor under some poop, but hey! vent and live!

ok, missing: Kuli, Rip, Headbanger, Selfish Siblings, KELLEYBEAN!... how did court turn out?, Pirate! Guestshopadmin, and a host of others! Check in and let us know that you're doing ok.
All She's Got! where are you and how are you and how is your mom's ordeal that you are both dealing with?
We all think of all of you alot and we all wish that everyone on all of the threads are doing well and keeping sane.

I'll check in later,
lovbob

annt- yep im awake . crawled in be lit after 2 am . woke up 3 heard pa waaa , move dhim around to get him comfty ah there so crawled back on the couch and then woke up 730 am heard pa coughin ,
made him some b-fast , happy camper he is .
no im not a good cook , in fact i hate cooking . but wil cook cuz i have to lol . always hated to think what to fix for supper . gosh ! what ya want for supper ? oh i dont know whatever u wanna fix . pa what do ya want for supper , ohh i ll have sausage and gravy ! ah .
missed a whole weekend of laundry so now its laundry day .
need to get pa cleaned up and go take the pup out for a walk and my dog for a walk . then chain em up at front , where they can dig holes inthe ground . cant let em roam , cars zooms down this road and neighbors has ducks and chickens , my dog will go on a killin spree if i let her loose , she has done that for many years when she is not chained up . last month she got away from me and ran and killed a rooster ! damn her ! ya think a 14 yrs old dog would just not think about it but oh she does , the puppy needs to stay in the yard , not go roamin and play in the street .
gosh i have my hand sfull , you all have a wonderful day . xoxoxox

Well good morning to all..Linda are you up yet? You were still up at 1am. It's 9am here now. You didn't get much sleep, but I'm glad you had a good time with your cookout. You must be a great cook! I'll come eat at your house any day. Hope you have a good day with Pa today.
Kathy...your hubby and mine need to hang out together. Please God! Just get him out of the house. He's coming home today. He better cut the darned grass! It's 2 1/2 acres of knee high weeds! I started to do some cutting last night and gave up the idea cause it was lightning and a few drops fell, went inside just in time for the down pour...which will make the grass shoot up even faster. I hope your hubby got unemployment checks. Since mine is self employed(or as I like to say self unemployed) no unemployment for him. Not retirement either. He was a union carpenter til just before he got vested in the program when they laid him off. Nice little trick the unions like to play. Keeps them from having to pay retirements on these guys. He should have fought it. If we had been married then I woud have fought like crazy to make them reinstate him. He doesn't fight for anything. Oh well...that's another story.
So bobbie...is it considered shop lifting if you walk out of the store with salad dressing on your butt? Should they have scanned your panties? Did you get SKUed in the condiment isle? If it was a Walmart Superstore.. you will be one of those pictures on the internet of Walmart shoppers. We'd all be goin....bwhaaaaa..that's Bobbie with her pants down in the mayonaise isle!! A celebrity! You goof ball! Love it! Love it!
Jen...yea, wear red and drop a cherry bomb in his casket right before they lower him down. Get one more big blow out from him. In fact, stuff it in his pants....here's a fart for you FP!
Mom and I were alone yesterday too. She was so sad and depressed. I just held her and we both cried and cried. My abuser brother never called. My brother in VA talked to her cause I called him, and the 3rd one called after she had gone to be last nite. Thanks guys! But I may have mentioned that mom and I went to DQ for a bbq sandwich and banana split. That was our fun day out. And that wore her out more than usual. Probably cause she was so depressed.
Hospice was back today...yaaaa! They even bring the pull-ups to us for free. Well, Medicare pays for it, but we don't have to. So, so nice. I feel truly blessed to have that service. As long as mom has a diagnosis of cancer they will continue to come. Even tho she is doing so much better. Thank you, thank you!!!
Gotta go get dressed now. it's 9:30 and I'm still im my pjs.
ltr

Oh lets just all go and swim at Deefs, leave it all behind let the authorities know they're are smelly angry pissy old folks at the house and just run away...

Happy Forth of July all, independence day for us is gonna be a funeral plain and simple. No fire works, but maybe I will wear a red dress to his funeral!!!

Watched 1776 and had an obstructed view of down towns fire works. Good enough for me.
Here is to a good week, good for us, not fighting, poop soup, yelling, smelly, 89 pound dead weight second generation toddlers, who let us know exactly how rotten it is to be old______ by example!

happy 4 th july you all !!!
missing you ! havent been on the puter in a while .
its almost one am and i best get to bed !
weekend went realy well . childhood friend of mine came and we had a good times . all my kids came over , i made bq pulled pork , sloppy joe , bake beans and tons of chips , bought watermellon but nobody ate any lol . nobody wanted to cut em . i was too busy slurpin on margaritta , lick em salts off the trim . ohh tangy tang .
too many people s lookin in the dark hole here ! ill throw BREAKFAST AT YA ALL ! :-)
deef ! im comin over to swim ! is that ok ? :-) bobbie u can meet me there ok , maybe we ll moon some neighbors at deefs ... ahh dreammmy paradies !

hubby and i was talking about we need to make plans for when i am done with caregiver job . i wont be doing it again till my hubby needs me then i ll care for him . shall we get a harley or a boat ? im thinking a boat so we could be neighbors . thats another dreamy paradies , i ll have to win the lottery first lol .
austin- stay away from the black hole , sounds like you re going to be so busy and will forget all about the black hole . how did the doctors result come back on you ? i remmy u said u need some test run . hope its all good news .. xoxo
alrighty you all have a good sweet dreams . xoxo

Time for bed, but just had to say my peace!
No one came today to see Mom, Merry left at 1, and once again, we did not get to have our holiday while everyone else was at the beach, having a cookout for friends, or at someone else s cookout! So tired of missing out on life!
Good news is Mo behaved and went to bed pretty easy for a change. Had a huge poop this morning!
Pool is looking good, but the water has to warm up a bit more for me. The Raynaud's doesn't like cold water!
Diane, Mom is on Paxil for her depression and she started on Namenda in March. Neurologist says it works in conjunction with Aricept. Mom is much nicer and more social on it. As for the hallucinations, they are a part of the PD meds. Can't be helped. Just go along with her or change the subject. Redirect her attention to something else before you drive yourself crazzzzzzy trying to explain there is no one there! Mom still is in her own little world sharing food with, talking to or reaching out for people that aren't there. Now she just moves along if we change the subject. She can no longer pull the right words out of her brain during conversations, So we try not to correct her and redirect her attention to something else.
Rossella, What can I say? There are nights that I think I'm going to die from all the stress. It just presses down on on me until I want to just give up.
Husband said I guess we don't get to do holidays anymore. I just kept my mouth shut! He is the anti-social one, that never joins in when people are here on a holiday, so no wonder we are alone! Not going there! It actually felt good not cooking for everyone while they visited Mom. I used to pay for all the food and do all the cooking!
Angie, All of my sibs have great jobs and big houses and nice cars and motorcycles and boats,and.... I have bills and a big house like you, that needs lots of work, and a 62 year old husband who lost his job in February, that thinks he's retired. Only my older sister who lives in Virginia offers me $$ and buys Mom a couple cases of pull-ups when she is here for her tree weeks in the summer. She will be here on July 31st with her 2 sons, DIL, and 3 grand kids. They will all be here for 1 week, the she will stay for one more to help me out. More work for me, but good company!
Annt, bet you can't wait for your husband to get home! NOT!!!!!
Bobbie!!!!! Mooning in the condiment isle! Wow! Those store videos will be fun. Some shop lifting footage!!!
Okay, haven't taken my oill yet, and it's way past bedtime. Mom is off to daycare tomorrow, and we are taking our rolled coins from the last 6 months,$100, and heading to Mohican Sun Casino in Conn. tomorrow. Jen, I believe this could be your option #7. We will be playing the half/penny and penny slots. Money lasts longer and the payoffs are good.
Night everyone!

Hi everyone I am going to jump in here.Jsome throw FP's clothes away and use the closet's for your clothes -he will not remember after a few days. My son passed his kidney stones or as he said sand -was disappointed after all that pain he thought it would be a golf ball he never had anatomy classes-a golf ball would still be there. Deefer hope you are out of the black hole-I told a friend we were going out of town for Labor day -well only 10 miles to a Holiday Inn and have a nice dinner and spend the night -something to plan for-I hate holidays. Bobbie you kill me-you did what inthe condiment aisle-you go girl. The last person who asked me how I took care of the husband 16 years now has live in help and her husband is an angal compared to mine, My neighbor who has serious problems went to church with me-I ordered her to ok God I know you deserve the credit but it was my idea. Annt start out with a cat-easier than a dog and they show love-mine has lots of drama when I go away for a few days-crys his heart out and when I am home he needs his space of course he is male-speaking of males has anyone heard from our Ted lately-he must be busy following his dream good for him if anyone hears from him tell him I miss him-I might have to do facebook. Good night all you good people-my friends who are there for me no matter what-God bless you are and God watch over these friends tonight and keep their burdens light. Maxine

Right back at ya Ant.. for sure...Unless people have been here... doing this, they have no idea, at all.... This is round two for me, so i know what i am in for.... I am so hoping for a life at some point in time.... i feel bad for mom mostly... my bro suckered my mother 7 yrs to a 150,000.00 mortgage, and promised he was to buy the house from here... yeah he blew the money and left her in the wind. Here is one for ya.... one sis after dad passed gave my mom 600.00 to help out until the ins came through.... mind you she has more money than god..... she let my mother borrow it, and mom paid it back and she took it.... how disgusting... so disgusting... i have given up everything.... but what ever.... i was with dad when he had his last breath, and i helped dress him when the undertaker came and i picked out his clothes.... and i am so glad i was.... i am a daddy's girl.... he was a great man and mom is the best... it is so hard to see her hurt by the others, when she did nothing wrong... UGGGHHHH.... lol thanks for letting me vent.. i love you all..... OK def MARTINI Time for me lol

Hi crew!

Happy 4th of July! I'm sure most of you are like me spending it without family since they want to have a good time and can't bear the responsibility of mom or dad. My family went to the mountains for some R &R. I have to thank the good Lord for my b/f who has been by my side this weekend helping feed to the out of town family's cat and going to the grocery since I am trapped at home with my demented mother. Mom has spent the weekend talking about her imaginary people. For the first time they have now entered the house and are scaring her. We tried Seroquel but it didn't help the halucinations but made her Parkinson's worse. The doc stopped that and decided to try Lexapro for anxiety. SO far the response has not been positive.

Bobbie, I really like that term "being sucked into the vortex of dementia". That truly sums it up.

Let me get to reading posts since I haven't been online for awhile. I hope everyone has made the best of day and stays away from the black hole.

Give yourselves a pat on the back since you are doing a job no one understands or wants.

Luv ya,
Diane

Austin: Yes I do know everything about kidney stones. If they give you the most fantastic pain killers at the hospital when you have one, it means that they (the doctors) know how much it hurts. The good thing is that when it' s out, it's out and you feel perfectly well again. Tell your son to drink a LOOOOOT of water and with very small residues of carbonates.. I had my last kidney stone because I had drunk too much water with a high carbonates content.
Deef: Congrats for the pool! And after all it is very satisfactory to do things by oneself!
Prissy Pricilla: everybody already made comments on the fact that old people with dementia don't want to wash anymore. (my mother is included) so I just can tell you that I force my mother to do lots of things that she doesn't like. That's part of our daily stress. (that's a big part of it, actually. If they cooperated, our life would be much simpler). I am alone and with no children, either. I have lots of cats and dogs. I feel very alone sometimes, but sometimes I am glad that no human being will have to do for me, one day, what I am doing for my mother. And I am happy for my non-existing children. When you feel close to the black hole, this is a happy thought! (at least, it is for me)
Sskape: the comment "I am sorry for you" "I don't know how you can do it", are very stupid. But at least they show a degree of compassion. If I told my brother that i am absolutely exhausted to live with my mother, he would say: "you choose to do it, so you have no right to complain". In fact, I never tell him how I feel (and he doesn't ask me) because I know what he would tell me. We are lucky we have this site to have a little bit of human understanding.
Angie: The solitary holidays! Yes I know. I think I told you yesterday night that my mother was left alone by her siblings for Christmas. Because they wanted to have a happy christmas, and we would have ruined their holidays. At least, we have the dogs! (and cats) who keep us company.
Annt and Deef: yes, our aged relatives are much kinder with our siblings (the same siblings that disappear or abuse them) and we get the worse of them. I am seriosly thinking that if I mistreat my mother, she will love me more. We could try! Just for a change!
Bobbie, I am keeping the sheep photo because it's the same that I have on Facebook and helps people here to find my wall. But I miss my photo with Nino, too!
I totally agree when you said "i was sucked in the vortex of dementia". This is exactly what I feel; it is very hard to keep balanced and not lose your reference points when you have to deal with something of this kind (and my mother is worsening day after day). The struggle not to be swallowed by the world of dementia, where we live 24 hours a day, is so hard that I am starting to feel it in my body. My heart is tired and hurts. I went to the doctor and my blood tests are okay, and the blood pressure is okay, so I am not "physically" sick. It is just the stress that takes its toll on the body. I am defending myself by sleeping. When my mother raves in the evenings. I fall asleep on the couch and I let her rave by herself. When I wake up, I take her to bed. So, at least, I limit the stress a little bit.
'night everybody

Angie..I know what you mean about hating holidays. Mom and I have been here alone all day. All my kids are busy with friends and my family...well most of them just suck as we all have said at one time or another. I texted one of my brothers trying to guilt him into calling mama today. Haven't heard from him yet. Then I just went ahead and called my bro in VA and said "Hey how ya doing? Mama wants to talk to you". So there! My brother the abuser hasn't called either. Mom is grieving over him cause he's mad at us. Can you believe it? HE is mad at US! I'd like to give him a nice juicy groin kick and then my sz 10 steel toed work boot up his butt! But mama loves him and misses him. God help her. She's been down in the dumps for a couple of days now saying.."Why is Steve so mad at me?" I keep telling her it's because I took her and her check book and her credit cards out of his abusive neglectful household. But she still thinks he's mad at her and not me.
Anyway I took mama to DQ for a bbq sandwich and banana split today. She seemed to enjoy it as much as she enjoys anything. At least we got out of the house.
I'm with you fellers about the people who don't have a clue giving us advice or trying to act like they know what we're going through. They can keep their plastic sympathy and superficial platitudes. Like the one friend who said to me..."why don't you just get your mom a colostomy and then you won't have to change so many diapers" WHAT??? Oh yeah, let just cut a hole in her side and hang a bag on it to save me a little inconvience. Like those things don't need cleaning! What a ditz!!!
Gotta get me a dog! You guys have tooo much fun with yours.
Better go ck on mama. ltr

Good Morning and Happy 4th to all... Pretty quiet day here, just mom, the dog and I. Kind of depressing, kind of in the black hole too... My daughter to the other half's family, along with her dad( oh yeah the dad that has done hmmm nothing for her) yet she feels the need to be there for him, yet i cant seem to get her to do one thing for me. Have no extended family left. Soo.. here i sit in my yard, with my 4 ft inflatable pool, oh well.... I just hate the holidays, they just remind me of how alone i am i guess. So the dog and I will enjoy the pool together... we will doggie paddle together. lol lol..... SS- After taking care of dad and all that i learned, after he passed i made mom go to an atty and get everything in order, the poa's, the will etc...... That def gives me a sense of some relief. Just did the laundry and hmmm, thinking a margarita will taste real good soon.... have a great and safe holiday all...

Happy 4th everyone! The morning has gone well so far. Am getting ready for having some friends over for a cookout later. She's a CNA who used to work for me taking care of mom. It 's getting so that I can only relate to other caregivers. I also hate it when people who have never done a bit of caregiving act all "oh I'm so sorry for you, I don't know how you do it, OH you poor thing." It makes me feel like kicking them in the groin so I can say "oh you poor thing, that must really hurt"
I guess I'm in ;the black hole a bit.
Annt, I like your sense of humor. the warning farts. And bobbie, I like the "take my advice, I'm not using it" I advised the neighbor family to get a good elder atty and draw up a caregiver contract, bla bla, all the stuff I wish I had done, and now they are happy as clams.
did jen win the Option 6? I'll have to read back posts.
Hope all of you stay out of the black hole !
ssk

Happy Independence Day Crew!

annt, that is some funny sh!t right there..... right in the snout, eh?
You have my respect for dealing with your husband on top of everything else that you cope with. I would be happy for him to stay at mommy's and welcome the peace. But like I have been known to say: take my advice, I'm not using it....

Maxine! sorry about your son.. is he feeling any better? stay away from the black hole! glad you have some craft stuff coming up. I would really love to see some of your work someday.

Priss!! Welcome to the home of Grossed! Not bathing is a biggie for the demented. One of the last things they think they can control.
When my mom did that I gave her the light misting with the Febreeze and I am not kidding. I don't do stink and mom got a little tough love and ya, I know all about the rages. Elder rage. She raged at me for about 18 months and looking back I don't even know how the hay I did it but I did.
As far as trying to talk to people who are not caregivers, just forget it. If they haven't walked the walk they will have no idea what you are talking about and they just vomit forth all kinds of idiocy and think that you're supposed to stand there and take it.
Tell them to go pee up a rope.
keep coming back here and vent vent vent. This is what saved me and we are here for each other on a daily basis with support, laughs and a foot up the butt when any of us get too close to the black hole or start talking get arrested crazy.
You are not alone and you know that you are doing the work of an angel. You are a stressed out caregiver dealing with a virtually impossible situation. Vent and Live!

Linda! boat is ready when you are!
Jen! Option Six! (winning the lottery for the newer folks)

Deef! your family sux. One day we'll hang out and you'll sleep and eat on your own schedule for as long as you like. No husband.
Congratulations on opening your pool. I am toying with the idea of opening this one but can't shoulder the care of it even though I would like to be able to get in it. If I still have this house next year... then it will be a very nice summer here for sure.

Miz! hope you're having some fun with your husband's sister and her family. I wish we had a nice cookout to go to but we are still packing and donating and throwing away everything that mom hoarded through the years. AAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH.
hard to believe how much and how long and I know you guys must think that I am exaggerating but, um, nooooooooo.

Christina! wherefore art thou and whassup? thanks for the hug but I am still worried about ya!

Flex!

Rossella! Love it when you talk dogs and cats. you are the animal whisperer and I miss the pic with your face in the cat!

Annie! great to hear the news from Ireland. We be global. what a welcome voice you are.

Angie! you are a strong and amazing person. It makes me feel so good to see you post and I hope it makes you feel good too. good to get it out!

Kuli! how goes it and are the kids back from a honeymoon? Hang in Kuli!

Well, for the last few days I was circling the black hole myself and was doing my best to not fall in.
Went to the supermarket the other day with Nik and saw my opportunity and mooned him right in the Condiment aisle. he folded over the shopping cart and just leaned on it and laughed his tail off...... from looking at mine.....
got to find something to laugh at or we are all screwed.

Priss! try the Febreeze! with mom all I had to do was give her the light mist and the next day she tolerated a bath.
Do you have a shower chair and a handheld shower thingie? Makes all the difference. Many times when they are scared they act out in rage ways. I always told mom that she was 'safe and sound' even when she was being a total bitch.
Wish they had had this website back in 04 when I started caregiving. Would have made a world of difference to me but hey! it is what it is and now my main purpose here is to help caregivers not suffer like I did.
You'll still suffer, that's for sure, but hopefully not as bad and not with the mistakes that I made.
I totally got sucked into the vortex of dementia and I am still working on getting out even though poor mom has been gone over a year. We're here Priss!

ok, back to the grind.
more later and love you guys more than you'll ever know.
lovbob

Good morning...Deef, Austin, Linda, Christina, Annie, Rossella, Angie, Jen, Miz, Cuz, Bobbie, Caregiver,Dflex, Rip, Oh lord...who am I forgetting? All of the crew here...hope you are having a great weekend. Today is still weekend for most of us because of the holiday. WELCOME! PRISCILLA! Priss has bath problems....can anyone here relate to that? YESSSSS!! You know it! And major POOP problems.

Well Last nite my mom got up to go to the bathroom (I miss the days when she was in diapers at night) she got dizzy and fell. Woke me up at 2am. I run into her room and there's blood pouring from the back of her head. It was just a small cut, won't even need a stitch, but blead like crazy. I got her cleaned up and patched up and to the bathroom, then back to my bed to try to go back to sleep. Of course she's up by 7am which means I'm up at 7am. No holiday here! I haven't bathed her yet but did make apple cinammon muffins for her to go with her coffee. She's already eaten 3. She's got a voracious appitite. Which is great in light of the fact that she started out at 70lbs and now is up to 89lbs. You know what?....89lbs dead weight is darn hard to lift from the floor at 2am. My back is killing me this morning. I know someone who wound up disabled when the caregiving was over. Myself and probably Linda and a few others of us have this to look forward to. But you what? I'm gonna hurt anyway...might as well get a check for it. I WISH!
Hubby coming home tomorrow....hmmmmm....not too excited about that. I've had a whole week of not having to clean up after him too. But it does allow me to get out of the house for a little while when he's here to stay with mom.
This morning before she woke up I went out and walked around the yard. The air was fresh, the birds singing....I love early morning. Wish I felt like getting out every morning. Usually tho, I'm so tired and sleepy I just want to stay in bed a few more minutes. I like walking around at nite too. But again....I'm so tired I just drop down in front of the tv. My treadmill get used 10 mins here and 10mins there. Better than nothing I guess. I've lost weight since mom came to live with me. That's a good thing. Not from my trying to lose...it just happened. Stress I think. I've lost hair too. Thank God I had a bunch of it to start with.
Linda...hope Pa is doing well today. He's probably eating one of your great breakfasts. I want to eat breakfast at your house! Where do you live? Anywhere near Georgia? I'll throw mama in the van and we'll come by and eat with you and Pa.
You know we all ought to get together for a Mommys/Daddys/Granddaddys etc Play Date. They could all sit together in the den and talk to themselves and their long lost relatives and whatever else goes thru their poor demented minds, and we could knock back a few margaritas or Coors. Sorry Jen, old Fart Pants will have to stay home, but bring mama.
Speaking of farting....mom has been really letting go of some heinous gas bombs lately. Usually after she goes to sleep. I walk down the hall toward her room and SMACK...it hits me right in the snout. Once I woke her up at 3am thinking she had blown out her pull ups with a big bm, but nothing was there. I had to spray Febreeze everywhere.
Well gotta go get mom bathed and dressed.
Later ya'll

My mother won't take a bath. I tell her and it makes her so mad! I have tried every way possible I can think of to make her take one. She still gets so mad at me. I have gotten to the point I don't want to tell her, but she smells so bad. I have these deorderizers all over the house. I manage to get her to take one about once a week, I have to endure her rage. She will take one if we are going some place, but she seldom go anywhere. I have no one to express my feelings to and they always say " You will be old too someday." I have heard this a million times. I get so sick of being treated so horribly and with no respect for my feeling. I dread getting old. I don't have any children or anyone to make misable, when I get to that stage in my life. I hope and pray that I will not cause anyone pain.

Hey Jen!!! Finally got the pool filled and running this afternoon. Replaced parts, attached hoses to filter and pump, then finished filling her up! Next we kept our fingers crossed as I turned on the pump. Voila!!! No major leaks or noises!!! The shock has already turned the green water and running the pump all day tomorrow with a few back-washes, and the water should be crystal clear!!! Then I just need to get a new vacuum head, or find the one I put in a safe place in the cellar, and lots of sun to warm the water! I should be taking a nap on my float later this week!!! Yay!!!
Jen, as for vacuums, I got a 30% off coupon from Kohl's last year, and bought myself a DYSON canister vac. I LOVE it!!!!. Picks up everything, especially all the fur from the 4 cats. By the way, keep buying those tickets. You never know!
Rossella, Mom was out of it here too! Gave Merry a rough afternoon and then Me a rough evening getting her to bed. It's getting so hard to keep my cool. She was talking to nonexistent people for hours. Then she wouldn't pee before bed and pulled at the sheets for a couple hours after asking to go to bed. Got to check and see if she still has her diaper on before I get to bed. Oh yeah, I washed the bedclothes today, so I can't go to bed until I make it up again.
Maxine, ooh, your poor son! Yes, black hole here too lately. Trip to Seattle to see Rip was sooo good, that coming back was not very pleasant. Especially when I found out Mom was an ideal patient for my 2 sibs that stayed with her at night! Crafting is sporadic here too. Don't seem to have the heart for it, and kind of hard to do when my husband is constantly interrupting me!
Annie, Seattle, Wa. is called the Emerald City, and I found out why when I visited last month. Everything is so green and beautiful there! Never seen so many varieties of ferns and evergreens growing in the same area.
No holiday tomorrow! Merry is only staying until 1, going to daughter's for cook-out, which means I can't with Mom in my care, so my husband will be in a bad mood the rest of the day because I will have to sit with Mom in her apartment. And my daughter and sil were supposed to be home, but are now going to a friends house, which is fine because I can't spend time with them anyway.
Oh yeah! I'm sure none of my 5 sibs that live close by will show up for the holiday! They haven't shown up but once, Mother's Day, since X-mas! They will all be having big cook-outs for their friends, or will be going to one somewhere! They used to come here, on the holidays to visit Mom. and I would do all the cooking and pay for all the food. Ain't life grand!!!
Night all!! Got to get them sheets on the bed. I', exhausted from working on the pool for 4 hours!

Wish I was going to a beach that has been what twenty years now? No wonder I price lake homes as entertainment..

Miz don't worry you give us a chance to think yes this will end eventually, of course you also have the pain of the loss of your mom to live with forever now. But it will lessen some what after a bit.

Deef, ah "Diarrhea" the music of our lives...

Not a single number, and someone won. Why is isn't me has no value I just buy em and dream. till the money runs out, all what eight dollars of it I have to play with for the month...

Weather and hol weekend making everyone go bug house here, saw a woman almost hit and run over a guy working in the street on Friday...Good God then she had the temerity to grouse at him she "didn't see the sign..." What the four feet across sign, fifty feet back!? THAT sign?..Gah, People.

Looking for a vacuum cleaner tube attachment here, have gutted the basement, we have three, no four vacuums here now, inherited replacement and none of em work for shit..I bet I threw the God Damn thing away! Shit oh well,, maybe find it when I win the lottery and move, throw them out AND BUY A TOP OF THE LINE VACUUM AND TO HELL WITH CHEAP PLASTIC CRAP!

Least the basement is clean again. wish I had a place to put my out of season clothes but fart pants has commandeered my old storage bins as well as my bed room my mothers time my nostrils and my hope of life ever being good again. Die you f*^@#%ing pervert die!!!!

Ouch!! Sorry for him and you, Austin. Sweet dogs, Annie. How's mama tonight? Rossella, tough day huh? Problem is..that's every day. We all feel your pain...in fact..we all have your pain. Our crew proves the point that misery loves company. lol! Have a good evening all.

Hi everyone we spent last evening in the ER my son has a kidney stone that does not want to leave and he is miserable.Deefer I am going to Kutztoem PA this week and in Oct to Camden Maine for their harbor craft fair and maybe Bethleham at christmastime. I am really in the black hole these days but do read all your posts.

Rossella's Sunday: (I am happy it's almost finished)
My mother talked all day, no-stop about her relatives, with all the possible variations (where are my relatives? Are they coming for dinner? Are they waiting for us somewhere? Are you going to cook for them?) (whatever you can think on the subject, she said it). Many of you know that my mother has 2 living siblings, a brother and a sister, who are perfectly lucid and they never come to see her, they call once a month, but they see each other (with their respective families) every 5 minutes, they go on vacation together, they spent Christmas holidays together without inviting us. I am not very happy with my relatives and I would rather forget them, but my mother talks about them constantly. So, when I had my first moment of crisis today (lunch time) I went in my room and I started to sing "My relatives! My relatives! I want to see my relatives!" (and between a line and another, I blew a series of raspberries). Gosh I am 54 and I still do these things, and I laugh with myself, too. The afternoon was the same story, I tried to do something with my mother that she could like, but she always wanted to be somewhere else, particularly (guess what?) with her relatives. So, tonight, I felt that the pressure in my brain had considerably risen and, as my doctor advised me, I took a diuretic to release the pressure. So now I am going to the bathroom every 10 minutes and in the meantime I see the washing machine who is spinning and she seems to have a good time wiith herself, she makes a lot of noise too. At least someone is enjoying himself in this house. I have to go to the bathroom and pee again... I can't give seroquel to my mother now, otherwise she will fall asleep on the chair and she will never go to bed; I have to wait for half an hour at least before dragging her to bed and seroquelling her and wishing her good night.
That was my Sunday..

Hi Annt, I know what you mean abou the Bathroom business with your Mom. My Mom is way beyond wiping herself but I always have baby wipes, Dettol wipes (Disinfectant), Sudocream and Medicated Powder there for her. Its amazing what you get used to though. In the beginning when I had to wipe Mom I used to gag, now nothing bothers me whether its puke or poo. One of my sisters and one of my brothers were with me on separate occasions when Mom was ill and it was coming from both ends. Both of my siblings literally ran out of the Bathroom gagging and said 'God I couldn't do it, I don't know how you do it'. Well guess what? I'd love to run away too but someone has to do it! Re movies - when I lived in Illinois I used to go to the Movies almost every week. Now I often go on my 1 day off every 3 weeks or so. I'm going to see Bridesmaids next Friday with 2 colleagues from work. It's supposed to be very funny and a good laugh is good for the soul. So hubby is going to 'REST UP' for a few more days!!! Poor Baby - he really needs the break - not! At least you get a breather for a little longer. Glad you are getting out 1 night this week. Enjoy it. You know what they say, you can pick your friends but you can't pick your family. My friends are a lot better to me than most of my family. Some either have been or are currently in the same situation as myself so they are very understanding and allow me to vent or insist I get a break when they know I'm near breaking point. Thank God for great friends.
Rosselmex - Ireland is called 'The Emerald Isle' because it's all green fields and fresh air - at least where I live though we have the built up cities like everywhere too. We've always had dogs in our family and my Dad used to have horses too. I remember he put me up on one he'd just bought when I was about 6yrs old and I prompt slid off the other side! Didn't get much sleep last night with all the dogs. Molly (King Charles Cavalier/Shih Tzu X) had me up several times. It think she just wanted to go home as it was her 1st time ever spending the night away from her human parents. My Home Help and hubby had a great time at a wedding and collected the Dogs today at 2pm. She brought me a huge bouquet of Flowers to say Thank You. But I owe her because I've even called her at 3am when Mom was ill and she came over right away to help me clean her up. I lucked out when she was appointed my State Home Help. Like I said, she's become a close friend and I know that even when Mom is gone, she and I will stay friends. Well that's my input today everyone. Enjoy tomorrow, stay cool... God 100 degrees - I would hate that. Chins Up everyone.

Annt, at least that is life! Life versus routine, always the same always the same always the same things.

Ha!! Rossella...I actually do like debates. My ex-husband and I would have a couple of beers and then pick a subject and pick a side and then debate for hours. It was so much fun. He was very much like my sons are now. But that nite, they dominated the conversation and they got a little heated and my dil was getting tense and I was getting tense and it wasn't just a pleasant evening of debate. You gotta know when to just shut the heck up! They didn't. All's well now.

Good morning all...I have to go get mom showered and dressed....back atcha later.

Annie: Millie and Oscar are two cuties. I had "sensed" you had 2 dogs like that, only, I thought they were much bigger! Because I have never been in Ireland (while my nephews adore it and go there very often) but I imagine huge fields with big dogs and horses running everywhere and heather plants. I have seen the movie "PS I love you" which was shot 90% in Ireland and I felt like going there so much. I know it's shameful I've never been there, but I haven't been in a lot of places. I am planning a long happy tour in all Europe, as soon as I can...
Linda, AKA "the woman who can make 1000 different breakfasts for her dad".
Deef: I understand you. The mood of my mother depends a lot on how much poop she makes, and the quality of it.
Angie: I hope you have a very very nice day, or half a day, at the beach!
Annt: actually I would have enjoyed myself hearing you children debate. I like to hear and participate to debates, (as long as they are not violent, of course, and are made because you like to debate!) I used to debate with my father about everything, it was a big fun of ours. I miss it. I would have enjoyed myself at your home. But I understand that if a person doesn't like them, it can be irritating!
Kisses, fellow sufferers. I hope to see you all sooner or later!

Love the dogs, Annie!! Sooo cute!
That edge just keeps creeping up on us doesn't it Linda? I get very edgy too. If I wasn't such a wuss I would go outside too, but 100 degree heat is keeping my cry baby self in doors. My mailbox is about 1000 ft from my front door. Today I was like.. bump that....Not getting the mail today. Just bills anyway.
Today was so long to me. Only got 3 1/2 hrs sleep last nite and I was dragging all day. Mom picked up on my mood and was very quiet too. Only had one bathroom mess up today so that was good. It really freaks me out to see poop all over her hands cause she insists on wiping herself. Thank god I've got her pretty well trained to wash her hands before she leaves the bathroom. Only problem is...she thinks running the water over her hands is washing them. If I'm not in there, well...the hand towel gets it. I also have paper towels in there for me, and of course gloves. And clorox wipes and regular baby wipes. Sometimes toilet paper just doesn't do it. Ya Know?
Well, I guess I'll try to finish the book I'm reading. Kinda disheartening to realize that I've already read it. Took me getting 3/4s of the way through it to realize that it wasn't just vaguely familiar...I had read it before. But I can't leave it unfinished. Gotta finish it. It's a good book so no skin off my nose there.
I hope everybody's out having some fun this weekend. My hubby still out of town. When he gets home, I'm going out somewhere. Maybe a movie. I used to go to movies all by myself all the time. He doesn't like to go out much so I go alone or with a girl friend. Now it's a little harder with mom here. But one night this week is mine....He's getting all pampered at his mom's while he fixes a few little things around their house. She's frying chicken and making potato salad and chocolate cake..... dang and double dang!!! And she's 88 yrs old. That woman is amazing! So he told me today that his knee is acting up and he will probably stay a couple extra days to "rest up". WHAT??? REALLY??? BREATHE, ANN!!
later Ya'll

Just to let you know - I've added a photo of my 2 Dogs, Millie & Oscar to my profile.