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hi you all ! just a quickie here . selfishsiblings . how dare someone to remove ur post . there has been times i wish i could remove mine cuz it doesnt make sense and i cant do that ! unlike facebook there be a tiney x on the courner and i can x it out . here nanana its stays there unless so call experts x em out .
read what u said , u did good . i giggled when one said to email siblings and get them tohelp em out . phhhht ya think they listen to us , they d tell us to fall in the black hole ! i have good siblings they dont bother me any and thats the way i like it .
be back later evening you all . man man hugs !
christina good to hearfrom you ! annt - annie - hope ur days all good .
everybody ! tons of hugs !! xoxo
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Whoo Hoo, SS! Like my therapist said the other day "just put her in a skilled nursing facility. There are some good ones, but I'm not sure which ones are."
Right. Some folks are teachable, others are conveniently stupid. I'm not mentioning any names. I shake my head and cynically snicker at people so often "these days", that they think I'm nuts. Well, we are not nuts, and we're caring, hard working people with lives on hold in many cases, while siblings with blinders do their thing.
Boundaries getting tighter and more obvious. Post traumatic stress in the wings. Crap. Love you caregivers.
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Miz - Thanks SO much for caring to look and respond. I really appreciate it!!! I got a long winded email from the moderators telling me to be careful. I suggested they should also monitor the posts of the so-called experts, some of whom have no true caregiving experience and are only looking to benefit themselves.

For those that can effectively communicated with your siblings, I applaud you. It's a wonderful thing and we are happy for you. For those of us who are left doing the job on our own, no "expert" can tell you what to do or how to feel. ALL of our stories are different and some are very similar. You just have to do what you feel is the right thing, for your elderly person AND yourself.

God's speed.
-SS
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I think it's interesting that "Expert" is put above their name. That's a weird word to me. Are we not experts?? The ones who have been through what we have been through. I am sure it is to differentiate the staff from us caregivers. Maybe "Staff" would be a better words.
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SS, I totally agree with you. They should NOT remove your posts. Whatever happened to freedom of speech?? You might try posting to kdutchess11 on her wall. I know that the so called experts are trying to help but those of us in the "real world" that have taken care of our loved ones know what it is really like and sometimes we just need to vent and feel a camaraderie.
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SS, I am going there right now...
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Hi Bobbie and Crew! I need ur help here. This morning, I posted on the thread, "How do you deal with your feelings of resentment when your siblings don’t help?" There was yet another so called expert, telling us how to deal with deadbeat siblings. Julie Siri. Totally uninspiring, text book responses, clearly hasn't walked the walk. Anyway, my post was removed and that makes me even crazier than I already am!!! I was not threatening just told her to get off this site unless she can speak from experience. I have already tried to get my sibilings to help but they have virtually dissappeared. I'll see them at a funeral. Go read her post and let me know what you think. Thanks guys and luv you all.

-SS
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Christina, I signed on with an employment service and there is a possible job for me that they are looking at now. Scares the hell out of me. But it's something I have to do. Gotta get those benefits and full time pay coming in.
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Thanks, Miz. How is the job search coming along? My main job got put on hold for a few months, so I'm going to take a few classes this fall. I love being in school--so positive and around people who are learning. I'll take a horticulture class, creative writing and anthropology. How bout you?
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christina, very nice to hear from you. :)
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Morning everyone,
Checking in to say hello and to say, even though I do not read all the posts every day I think of each of you with much love and concern. Think of you all, all day long, your little cyber faces come into my mind, and it makes me smile, I say a little prayer, or remember something one of you said, and it makes me giggle. Sometimes my husband will ask me, "what?", and I say, oh nothing, just thinking of my friends. Like a secret, organization with special qualifications to be a part of and not everyone is in it. haha Yea, like totally off the wall nutsy coo coo, but I am only speaking for myself.
Weather is hot, as I am hearing from everywhere and it's humid in SoCa too, which makes me slow down and get heatstroke after working in the yard. Mother has been very nasty at odd times, so even though she has been on Macrodantin, we are doing a UA today to find out if she has another uti. Otherwise, she is her usual demanding center of the universe. I am so happy to have our caregiver full time, who used to be the weekend caregiver. She takes Mother down to the harbor for lunch, and just to get her out of the house for a few hours clears the energy. haha
Thinking of each of you, and sending special prayers for your individual needs. I only want peace of mind and a paycheck. I'm a minimalist. Much Love, Christina
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Deef, congrats for your pool! It is so nice, you can plunge in 100 times a day, even if you have 2 minutes free. In order to go to the swimming pool, I have to take the car!
Austin, good luck with your test!
Linda, you have 2 very good daughters. Sorry for your hubby's friend; sometimes the best ones die young...
1day at a time: Family reunion sounds good for your birthday, but I guess you would be better and you would relax more if you went to a nice place by yourself!
Annt: Nice photos and nice family you have! I like facebook because you can know people a little better.
Bobbie, I have a hammock; I could hang it in my room and teach my dogs to push it! I dream to buy one of those shiatsu chairs that massage you when you sit there (it is a "respectful" massage, not a "thai" one"!). I could sleep there all day long.
I was happy to read all your posts tonight (it's sunrise here) but now I want to go back to sleep....
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Maxine, we had a very nice time and didn't win, but also didn't lose very much. The new redesigned buffet was delicious and of course we ate too much! It was very nice to get away for a while and relax. Got really bad and brought home a dozen Krispy Kreme donuts!!!
Jen, don't you just love daycare! Mom's is still closing as of Aug. 1st. Have to get her a physical and fill out an application for another that is a half hour away. Not sure how she would do with the van ride, but will try it fir 2 days instead of 3 and keep my fingers crossed that this facility will take over this one in my home town.
Annt, I like Bobbie's suggestion for our husbands! Like killing 2 birds (husbands) with one stone.
Linda, Sorry to hear of your husband's friend. You just never know when your time will come.
Miz, hope you find a new job soon.
Jen, option #7 didn't work this time, but I did get in the pool when I got home.My daughter and I got the stairs onto the deck and the ladder in. then decided the water was too warm to pass up. We both jumped in and floated around for a half an hour. It was sooo nice!!! Going to be hot here all week, so I plan on some pool naps every day while Mom is at daycare.Everyone is invited. And just for Bobbie, "suits optional"!!!! I'll get the grill out and do all the cooking. I'll leave the drink making up to the rest of you. What would you like to eat?????
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Deefer have a good time at Mohian Sun-I heard it was nice , Linda where do you get your energy from-you are going night and day-I am having the dreaded test the 20th -want to wait until after my time away-at least this time I will be out this same gastro doc use to want his pt's awake til he met up with me now all the pt's get druged of course after the prep and with the anemia it won't take much to put me out-at least he is nicer than he use to be the young nurses will not take the guff we had to take when we worked. Annt I fought my husbands union like a tiger I called them so often they told me if I keep called in would get nutin-so I called more often-he took 30 thousand in the years of his disability before he died than he would have gotten if he took his whole pension and a promise is a promise-they finally settled and I even got a few dollars each month than I had planned-I have learn to be a fighter in the last two years, Bobbie thanks for keeping up with Ted I am sure he is real busy these days tell him I said hi and am so proud of him.
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You guys are NUTZ!!! I'm breakin up here! We have some funny ladies...and a couple gents..in our little cyber neighborhood. Life is good when you have funny friends.Ya'll really make it easier to deal with.... whatever..
Oh Linda, that is such a sad story. I feel terrible for that family. Just shows you...make the best of today cause you don't know what tomorrow will bring.
Funny joke 1day...
Gotta get off the computer now..it's storming again here. Would hate for lightning to strike this thing...how would I talk with you guys?
Hang in everybody.
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Sorry mean to say Good Joke 1dayatatime.
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Hope you all had a good 4th of July and a bit of a break from routine. Re Linda's comment - Isn't it scary sometimes that we see young people die in freak accidents needlessly and then it's so hard for other people to die. Makes me believe that our lives are laid out for us and as the old adage goes 'if you are meant to be shot, you won't be drowned'. My Dad used to say that some people took along time practising to die! If I show the symptoms of Alz or Dementia then I hope to God that I can take a pill. Oh well, sure I could get hit by a Bus tomorrow so no point in worrying about it now. Good joke Bobbi...
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Oh Linda, I am so so sorry!! How very sad. So terrible!! We just never know what can happen do we?? Hugs to your hubby.

love,
miz
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It was a total slip. the K and the L are right next to each other.....
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you guys are killin me ! lmao !
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Have to share this with you all- my niece sent it to me

Man of the House

A Husband had just finished reading a book called "You can be the Man of Your House" He stormed to his wife in the kitchen and announced "From now on I am the Man of this house and my word is LAW - You will prepare me dinner tonight and when Im done eating you will bring me dessert - after dinner you will go upstairs with me and we will have the kind of sex I want. Afterwards you will draw me a bath so I can relax . You will wash my back and towel me dry. Then you will massage my feet and hands. Then tomorrow morning guess who will dress me and comb my hair?"

The wife replied "The f---ing funeral director would be my first guess!"
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Bobbie - LMAO with your slip of the fingers! (or was it a slip or continuation of the condiment aisle - LOL)
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Kick in the butt.... oh man.
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omg Linda! that is truly awful! that poor family.
Yes, i am counting my blessings right now... thank you for the lick in the butt.
lovbob
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1day - oh my goodness ! everybody is dement and alz , geeze ! i am so sorry 1day. hopefully u ll be a smart old woman and brain is still hangin on to the marbles , i too am scared that i ll end up like one . i think we all are . hopefuly we wont . i dont know about my dad s side family , you are right back then nobody talks about thier elders and that leaves me hangin and wondering if it is gernerations of alz or dementia .
found out my mom s sister is now in nh and has lost some of her mind . also found out my mom s other sister is showing signs of alz , my oldest sister has early stage of alz too , shes only 67 . i dont see her and havent seen her prob in 4 yrs , so i dont know how bad she is . we used to yack on yahoo ims and for about a year we havent , she hasnt been able to get on it , says she dont know what happen , i may get a email from her 4 times a year . if i worry too much i would call her and she sounds good !
well then u shall take ur mom with you and hopefuly someone there knows its ur bday and let you go bye bye alone without takin mom . i ll be thinking of you and will drink one for ya . :-) that is good that ur families knows what it is like to be a caregiver , am sorry ur boss didnt ,
i left my job cuz there was always no work or its too slow , it got to the point where i couldnt afford to drive here to find out if i am workin or not , couldnt call cuz i have to clock in, in order to save my job , then dad wanted to live with me so i thought well its meant to be , took pa home with me and we re doing just fine .
i agree i told my girls if i bite and scratch and kick or whatever that part of me is gone ,just go send me to nursing home to where i can do it to the other cna . or drug me up so i can be in the lala land . i would like to be drugged up so i wont have to hurt anybody . the drugs would be my speical treats .
both of my girls are cna and they see s what goes on in nursing home and they hate it ! theyre both work for hospices and goes into nursing home to care for who s dying . it would pisses my girls off cz the nursing home leaves the dying people laying there or theyre too rough with em . not nice people , my girls keeps reporting it but it doesnt do any good , instead they all stare hateful at my girls , my girls has a bigheart and would go out ofthier way to help anybody . in fact one lady that is dyig of cancer she called my daughter and beg her to come an dgive her a bath cuz she is wet and feelin yucky , my daughter said well u know i come on tues and thurs but for u i ll come tmr morning early , she called her on sunday , hospice provided her with cell ph so she can call anybody she wants well she calls my daughter lol , well it is sad and it is a very cruel world we all live in . i just hope the lord takes me before i get too bad , i dont want anybody havin to wipe my butt , oh lord no ...
hubby came home and went straight to bed , is sad and heartbroken . a co worker had fireworks sat and fell and hit his head and passed out , ship him tohospital and 2 hrs later he died , blunt force on his head . damn rocks around the flower bed . he is a father of many kids plus he is also a foster parents to care for crack babies . him and his wife comes from a very large family and have alarge faimlie s of thier own . now he is gone . terrible terrible !!!!! i feel so so sorry for them all !! . hubby is just so sick to his tummy . it just made me so sad !
you all count your blessing !! xoxoxo
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Thanx Linda! wish I could but one of the main reasons they are having the reunion is for my Mom because she lost two siblings within the last year. Many of my cousins actually know what caregiving is like because they have been through it and ended up putting my uncle (who had Alzheimers and Dementia)in a NH because he kept wandering off and became to difficult to deal with. I am positive that they do not want to deal with that again - even on a temporary basis - The other uncle who passed in February was not that bad - he had some dementia but he also had cancer and was in Hospice less than a week. My Aunt that passed last November, had cancer and Alzheimers and had had declining health for several years and my cousin took care of her at home with his wife - even though he himself had a stroke 3 yrs ago. It was pretty rough on him because he was an only child - but his wife and daughter helped out. It kinda scares the bejeezus out of me because so many of my aunts and uncles and my Grandmother had AZ and now my Mom. So as you can see the caregiver role is in my family but the older generation did not like to share information about things that happened back then. We are now learning these things for ourselves and it is worse because of the world we live in now - jobs are more demanding - not everyone understands the role and the economy is so bad - you can't live on one salary and no one knows when you are going to be thrust into the caregiver role. I really miss working - but my manager did not understand or did not care to understand my caregiving responsibilities and decided that my services were no longer required - although he blamed it on the economy and said he needed to downsize!
My memory is so bad sometimes that I wonder if it will hit me! I have already told my children if it does - do not deal with it if I become unreasonable - just put me in a NH - I do not wish for them to go through what I went through with my Mom when I had her full time - with no help! My daughter used to tell me she would have a special room in her home for me with padded walls and she will slide my food tray under the door - jokingly of course! She told me yesterday that she has a nice place picked out for me at the Senior Community where my husband used to work!
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1day- cant you just leave ur mom behind and u go and enjoy ur me time . im sure she will get over it if she couldnt go .
im afraid if u took her with u , you will not enjoy cuz she be a whiner , i wanna go home , waa waa . (thats my dad )
if ur cousin wants her there then maybe u can just drop her off and go visit ur step kids . awww i sure hope u have a wonderful time when u do go . and happy birthday !! xoxo
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oops! quick fingers - Continuing to vent -

I have not celebrated my birthday in over 3 years! I love my Mom and think she needs to be there because she is the last of her family - all of her siblings and my grandparents are deceased. My cousins want her there! My husband is not going because we can't afford for him to fly with us and my children are not going because they have to work! So another sucky birthday! Maybe I will leave my Mom with one of my cousins and sneak off to the club to have drinks for my birthday! My stepdaughter and stepson lives in Raleigh - I can meet up with them LOL!
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annt - know what you mean about the sibs not being around and doing there own thing - One of my sisters and I pretty much share the caregiving responsibilities for my Mom (There are 7 of us - used to be 8 - oldest sister is deceased) My Mom lives with my sister but I live right around the corner from her and so I am there everyday - we try to get the others to pitch in but they always have something to do and but they are never short on advice telling us what we need to be doing! They drop in long enough to say Hi to my Mom , then they are gone and my mom thinks she has just been visited by Angels and then treats my sister and I who take care of her like chopped liver!

Since I had my Mom for the weekend and my husband likes to cookout and we had his family here I invited my sister and her husband who my mom lives with and surprisingly - two of my other sisters showed up - claiming to be coming to visit with my Mom - and were gone shortly after they ate!

We are having a family reunion in NC the weekend of July 22nd -24th (which is my birthday also) and guess who is responsible for taking my Mom? ME! She cant take the ride so we have to fly and everyone volunteered me to do it because "I can handle her better" which also means that I am responsible for her the whole time we are there! I am not happy about it because I really was not planning to go because I wanted to do something for my birthday (I have not
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ah am back from the walk , had to drag my dogs away from the fence , neighbors dog decided she hates my pup and my pup just let her have it , so cute that growl and big mans bark , aww isnt he cute !! first time ever i hear him growl like that . sheba decided oh awesome she join in too and im all tangled up with leach and drag em both up the road . go pee go poop ! nanana . gave em ice cold water ahh . now i have an upset tummy .
jsomebody- red sounds good !!! wear a black belt around ur waist . red high heels ! red lip stick maybe ? :-) yes jsomebody we all needs to dive in deefs pool ! we could haveher hubby serve us drinks and food ? we ll send him out to bring us something good , mexcian food ? yummie im hungry for mex food . maybe thats what i ll fix for supper .
hopefully one day we all could have a reunion on bobbie s boat . that would be a dream that came true .... we should mark our calander and start saving $$$ to go . i ll mark my calander when my caregivin days are over ,
ok laundry all sittin and lookin at me , meow at a ya al llater xoxoxo
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