Grossed out and need to vent—I just caught Mom using my toothbrush to comb her hair!

My mother hides dirty silverware among her belongings to use to "stir her coffee". If she catches me removing these, even if I replace it with a clean one, she goes ballistic for a few minutes. I know it seems like a small thing, but it is just one of many things she gets angry and agitated and abusive about.

Thanks Cuz, I needed a good laugh (had wash Mom's feet today)

cuz is that true or is it one one of your creativee jokes. i hope she pushed the clamp down as hard as possible

While conducting some business at the Court House, I overheard a lady, who had been arrested for assaulting a Mammogram Technician, say, “Your Honor, I’m guilty, but…..there were extenuating circumstances.”

The female Judge said, sarcastically, “I’d certainly like to hear those extenuating circumstances.” I did too, so I listened as the lady told her story.

“Your Honor, I had a mammogram appointment, which I actually kept. I was met by this perky little clipboard carrier smiling from ear to ear and she tilted her head to one side and crooned, “Hi! I’m Belinda! All I need you to do is step into this room right here, strip to the waist, then slip on this gown. Everything clear?”

I’m thinking, “Belinda, try decaf. This ain’t rocket science.” Belinda then skipped away to prepare the chamber of horrors.

With the right side finished, Belinda flipped me (literally) to the left and said, “Hmmmm. Can you stand on your tippy toes and lean in a tad so we can get everything?” Fine, I answered.

I was freezing, bruised, and out of air, so why not use the remaining circulation in my legs and neck to finish me off? My body was in a holding pattern that defied gravity (with my other breast wedged between those two 4-inch pieces of square glass) when I heard and felt a zap!

Complete darkness, the power was off!

Belinda said, “Uh-oh, maintenance is working, bet they hit a snag.” Then she headed for the door.

“Excuse me! You’re not leaving me in this vise alone are you?” I shouted.

Belinda kept going and said, “Oh, you fussy puppy…the door’s wide open so you’ll have the emergency hall lights. I’ll be right back.”

Before I could shout NOOOO! she disappeared.

And that’s exactly how Bubba and Earl, “maintenance men Extraordinaire” found me…half-naked with part of me dangling from the Jaws of Life and the other part smashed between glass!

After exchanging a polite, ‘Hi, how’s it going’ type greeting, Bubba (or possibly Earl) asked, to my utter disbelief, if I knew the power was off.

Trying to disguise my hysteria, I replied with as much calmness as possible, “Uh, yes, I did but thanks anyway.”

“OK, you take care now,” Bubba replied and waved good-bye as though I’d been standing in the line at the grocery store.

Two hours later, Belinda breezes in wearing a sheepish grin.

Making no attempt to suppress her amusement, she said, “Oh, I am sooo sorry! The power came back on and I totally forgot about you! And silly me, I went to lunch. Are we upset?”

And that, Your Honor, is exactly how her head ended up between the clamps….”

The judge could hardly contain her laughter as she said, “Case Dismissed!”

A duck, a scunk and a deer
went out for dinner at a
restaurant one night. when it
came time to pay , the skunk
didn't have a scent, the deer
didn't have a buck so they
put the meal on the duck's bill.

A brunette goes into a doctor's office and says that her body hurts
wherever she touches it.
"Impossible," says the doctor.
"Show me." She takes her finger,
presses on he elbow, and screams
in agony. She pushes her ankle and
screams, and it goers on and on;
everywhere she touches makes
her scream with pain. The doctor
says, "You're not really a brunette
are you?" She says, "No, I dyed my
hair. I'm naturally blonde." "I
thought so," he says. "You're finger
is broken."

No, it is reasonable to be annoyed when people are...annoying!

Thanks everyone, I really shouldn't complain. My mother is easy to care for compared to what others have to deal with. She still lives in her own house, just needs help once or twice a day. Fixed her a vegetarian Thanksgiving dinner, cornbread, deviled eggs, lots of veggies, and a pumpkin pie. Then at the last minute she tried to invite all the neighbors. Fortunately, they all declined. She is horrible with company, it gives her an audience to complain about all her health problems, past surgeries, bowel problems, everything.
Hope everyone had a nice holiday. Shirley

Love ya bobbie wish we could make it down to see ya. Still trying to save up some cash. Need to win lottery. Hugs
lovCuz

I hope everyone is having a good Thanksgiving.
Sorry Meanwhile.
Cuz said it all the best. Thanks Cuz.

lovbob

The Empty Chair Prayer

The pies are in the freezer,
the turkey's on the list,

But this Thanksgiving, oh how
a loved one will be missed!

Lord Jesus, please hear our
Thanksgiving prayer,

For those gathered around
a table that has an empty chair,

Oh Lord, comfort their hearts -
we know that you are able,

And let them know that this year,
there's another chair at Heaven's Table!

Erica Parkerson.

Hope everyone has a Happy Thanksgiving from
our family to yours. Hugs
lovCuz

The Pain of Matrimony

At Sunday School, they were teaching how God created
everything, including human beings. Little Johnny,
a child in the Kindergarten class, seemed especially
intent when they told him how Eve was created out
of one of Adam's ribs. Later in the week, his mother
noticed him lying down clutching his side.
"Johnny, what is the matter?" she asked.
Little Johnny groaned and responded, "I have a pain
in my side. I think I'm going to have a wife!"

Sorry to here what you are going through. I think all caregivers need a big cyber hug for what they have to go through on a daily basis. I just read all the post every night and can't imagine me trying to do the same thing day after day and year after year. Here is my cyber HUG to all of you ok.
lovCuz

Thanks for the suggestions, but she makes a DR appointment at least once a month, tries a new medication, usually just one pill, then throws the rest away. I'm afraid to bring up therapy, or anything suggesting she has mental problems. In the past it has always ended with her screaming, crying, then the silent treatment. She has never been able to accept ANY sort of criticism. She was mad at me because I agreed with her about being depressed. My mother has always been incredibly difficult to deal with. The idea of putting her in a nursing home is scary. She would have to be in a coma, or drugged out of her mind.

Agree, there is grieving but sometimes the toll in too severe too long term, she might really benefit from medication esp as it gets colder and dark out earlier, and a therapist might be a good help too.

Meanwhile.....sorry about your dad. It's hard on the surviving spouse. My dad has definitely gone downhill since she has passed. I guess he feels he doesn't have to be strong anymore. He hasn't given up but I think it was such a shock to him and now his body is letting down. That's my psychology 101 from college. :)) Try to get your mom to the dr. for a "check up" and let the dr. suggest meds. If that doesn't work you might have to try some tough love with her and tell her that is why people won't come see her. I have had to do that with my dad a couple of times and it seemed to work just explaining gently the situation. Good luck and God Bless

Linda, hope your husband's check up was clear of cancer. Pargirl, sorry about your parents. My Dad passed in May, but my mother won't admit she misses him. Today she admitted to being depressed. Good grief, she has been depressed ever since I can remember, but this is the first time she has ever admitted it. Don't know quite what to think about that. My sister and I cook all her meals for her, but neither of us can stand to eat with her. Not because she is gross, but because all she does is complain about her life, her health, or just basically everything. And she wonders why no one will come visit. I feel sorry for her, but it's so hard to spend more than a few minutes with her.

Oops.....that should have been late August not Nov.

I've been out of pocket for a while. Had to take a break after mom passed in late Nov. dad is hanging in there but declining. Was doing pretty well for 94 until mom passed and now I don't know. My inlaws passed within 8 weeks of each other so I know it happens just didn't think it would for my folks. Hope it doesn't for him but it's out of my hands. Happy Veterans Day for all of you who served and thank you for your service to me and my family. God Bless you.

Not sure this is gross .My mom told the doctor yesterday that the surgeon showed my mom her intestines and hernia. She had a small bowel in 2012/

I guess it could be true lol

Yeah, there is lots of gross stuff. YOu know they sell adult bibs (they go over the head and stretch down to the lap. Hs saved a lot in washing stained clothes! But you know what? Once they start to really die before your eyes, the stuff is no longer gross, it is the painful goodbye to a loved one. So, do laugh and find ways to safeguard your toothbrush and check out the bibs. Amazon has them in large lots cheap. I got the idea from rehab. Peace!

Hey Lindaheart. Still alive here, unfortunately so is G. I helped mom move him into a new room because his roommate was IMPOSSIBLE. The kind of guy who other men get stuck with till they can move out, or die. G got so excited when he saw me he said: "I couldn't believe it when I looked up, there was Jenny! and I was in Seventh Heaven!" I come every week!
I talked about sexual abuse issues with my therapist. We are both pretty sure he molested my mother. It would explain an awful lot of crap.
Still writing, still broke, still here, but not hopeless and thank god he is not here in the house still. Weaker, sick a lot, not dead. Everyone else dies in 2016 but he turns 95 and just keep ooozing along!
Hi to all hope things are OK where ever you are. Jen

happy novemeber ! where is everybody ? so trump is our new guy , hope all goes well for the next 4 years .
oh mercy some things never ends , hubby s going tmr to ck out his bladder to see if he s cancer free , praying that there s no cancer .. six mos ago his cancer didnt come back , happy !!!
cuz ; hope all is well at your way ,, meanwhile !!! sending you all hugs !! xoxo

Was that the big internet out or more localized area network frogging? had one here but must a slept though it. G had a fall, swelling genitals not dead, I had to go in for mom who had a cold, god forbid would Dadddeee get sick(and die like he should at 95). Just won't end...ah but the money will, Then it is medicaid to his rescue and what us I don't know. Anything is better than him being here!

good to hear from you all ,,, jsomebody ! whats up ?
sending you all cybers hugs ! hopen u can feel it ... xoxoxox

Bobbi so good to hear you weathered the storm. Sorry to hear Mike is back in the hospital. 2 of my neighbors ended up in ICU last week. One fell off a ladder, and ended up with swelling on the brain. The other tripped in his front yard, hurt his neck so bad he was completely paralyzed. But, both are doing amazingly well. (hard headed Texans for you). The guy with the head injury had to have surgery, but it went well. The guy with the neck injury, didn't actually break anything, and is up walking around again. Indio and I helped look after one of the neighbors 2 little dogs while he was in the hospital. They are rat terriers, getting up in years, very spoiled. Indio ended up sleeping on the couch with a dog tucked under each arm. (He doesn't even like little yappy dogs). Wish I had gotten a picture.
Mom is still complaining about everything, so I know she is doing fine. Hope everyone is hanging in there. Shirley

bobbie Mike is back in hospital. He has had 2 units of blood and 5 bags of potassium so far. They did a scope of his throat to see if they could find where the blood loss was and took a couple of biopsies. Has to have the other end scoped out tomorrow. Blood tests tonight will show if he needs another bag of potassium. He went in having chest pains and was having a hard time breathing. Heart is ok. He was also sweating real bad. I saw him tonight and he feels alright so time will tell. I will keep you in the loop. Love ya

Good Morning All,
Thanks for the good thoughts you guys!
Matthew came through here as a Cat 3 and we were without power for about 4-5 days.
All the boats made it through and we made it through.
We were lucky. We prepared well, but Matthew arrived at low tide in the middle of a lunar cycle.
Had it been high tide on a full or new moon it could have been a disaster with the storm surge.
The issue is that the floating dock, with all of the boats tied to it has the potential to surge over the hight of the pilings and then the whole thing goes spinning out of control.
Scary! But the time it didn't happen.
For this area this was an anomaly. It just shows you that climate change is real.
Higher and higher tides. You really see it living on the coast.
We were ordered out with a mandatory evacuation but we stayed with the boats.
We knew that if we left they wouldn't let us back in for days.

There were over 3500 trees down and over 1000 broken power poles in our area.
Whew!

My Internet was out for another 2 days because I'm an idiot.
When the power came back on I went to get online and the router wouldn't work.
I did the whole troubleshoot thing with rebooting, etc and then had a lightbulb go off over my head.

I went outside to look at the pole and the cable had snapped when a limb fell on it and the wind had blown this heavy cable around a pine tree.
It was literally a hairpin around the tree with the broken end over 40' straight out and under tree debris.
I'm like, Oh, this has to be the problem….. duh.

I hope everyone who is dealing with crazy is doing the best they can and not going nuts themselves.

Cuz! thanks for the jokes and thanks for the good wishes.
Linda!

Jen!

Meanwhile!

JessieBelle!

Everybody!

lovbob

The unsolved Japanese sex joke. :D I really like the translation that they were arguing about dinner and taking out the trash.

Japanese Sex

A Japanese couple is arguing about how
to perform highly erotic sex.
Husband: "Sukitaki. Mojitaka !"
Wife replies: "Kowanini ! Mowi janakpa!"
Husband says angrily: "Toka a anji radi
roumi yakoo!"
Wife, on her knees, literally begging:
"Mimi Nakoudinda tinkouji!"
Husband shouts angrily: " Na miou kina Tim kouji !"

I can't believe you just sat there trying
to read this!
You don't know any Japanese !
You'll read anything as long as it's about sex.
Sometimes I worry about you
You're in need of serious help !