Grossed out and need to vent—I just caught Mom using my toothbrush to comb her hair!

G is not dead. He has pneumonia, again, they are "monitoring it". 96. Money gone in July. Why care.

Thanks Cuz, love your jokes.

How are all the beautiful caregivers doing? Our family is doing great and I hope the jokes are bringing a little light into your lives ok? I haven't heard to many good ones of late but try to post a couple of old ones. Hugs to all.
luvCuz

Caught my husband cleaning his comb with his toothbrush. I keep mine in a safe place now. What he does with his is his problem

LOLOL

A retired older couple return to a Mercedes dealership where the salesman has just sold the car they were interested in to a beautiful, leggy, busty blonde in a mini skirt and a halter top.

The old man was visibly upset. He spoke to the salesman sharply. “Young man, I thought you said you would hold that car till we raised the $55,000 asking price,” said the older man. “Yet I just heard you close the deal for $45,000 to the lovely young lady there. And if I remember right, you had insisted there was no way you could discount this model.”

The salesman got red in the face, took a deep breath, cleared his throat and reached for a large glass of water. “Well, what can I tell you? She had the cash ready, didn’t need any financing help, and, Sir, just look at her, how could I resist?”, replied the grinning salesman sheepishly.

Just then the young woman approached the senior couple and gave the car keys to the old man… “There you go, Poppa,” she said. “I told you I could get that idiot to lower the price….”

“See you later, Daddy, and Happy Anniversary.”
_______________________________________
One of the few reasons having a daughter is better than a son.

COSTCO DOCTOR!!
One day, in line at the company cafeteria, Joe says to Mike behind him, "My elbow hurts like heck. I guess I'd better see a doctor."
"Listen, you don't have to spend that kind of money," Mike replies. There's a diagnostic computer down at Costco. Just give it a urine sample, and the computer will tell you what's wrong and what to do about it.
It takes ten seconds and costs ten dollars - a lot cheaper than a doctor.
So, Joe deposits a urine sample in a small jar and takes it to Costco.
He deposits ten dollars and the computer lights up and asks for the urine sample. He pours the sample into the slot and waits. Ten seconds later, the computer ejects a printout:
"You have tennis elbow. Soak your arm in warm water and avoid heavy activity. It will improve in two weeks. Thank you for shopping @ Costco"
That evening, while thinking how amazing this new technology was, Joe began wondering if the computer could be fooled.
He mixed some tap water, a stool sample from his dog, urine samples from his wife and daughter, and a sperm sample from himself for good measure. Joe hurries back to Costco, eager to check the results. He deposits ten dollars, pours in his concoction, and awaits the results. The computer prints the following:
1. Your tap water is too hard. Get a water softener. (Aisle 9)
2. Your dog has ringworm. Bathe him with anti-fungal shampoo. (Aisle 7)
3. Your daughter has a cocaine habit. Get her into rehab.
4. Your wife is pregnant -- Twins. They aren't yours. Get a lawyer.
5. If you don't stop playing with yourself, your elbow will never get better!

Thank you for shopping @ Costco!

An elderly, but hardy cattleman from Texas once told a young female neighbor that if she wanted to live a long life, the secret was to sprinkle a pinch of gunpowder on her oatmeal each morning. She did this religiously and lived to the ripe old age of 103. She left behind
14 children, 30 grandchildren, 21 great-grandchildren, five great-great-grandchildren and a 40 foot hole where the crematorium used to be.

Students in an advanced Biology class were taking their mid-term exam. The last question was, 'Name seven advantages of Mother's Milk.' The question was worth 70 points or none at all. One student was hard put to think of seven advantages. He wrote:
1) It is perfect formula for the child.
2) It provides immunity against several diseases.
3) It is always the right temperature.
4) It is inexpensive.
5) It bonds the child to mother and vice versa.
6) It is always available as needed.
And then the student was stuck. Finally, in desperation, just before the bell rang indicating the end of the test he wrote:
7) It comes in two attractive containers and it's high enough off the ground where the cat can't get it.
He got an A.

A man was riding on a full bus minding his own business when the gorgeous woman next to him started to breast-feed her baby. The baby wouldn't take it so she said, "Come on sweetie, eat it all up or I'll have to give it to this nice man next to us." Five minutes later the baby was still not feeding, so she said, "Come on, honey. Take it or I'll give it to this nice man here." A few minutes later the anxious man blurted out, "Come on kid. Make up your mind! I was supposed to get off four stops ago!”

Starting to look at social security and food stamps and pervert pants is getting another hundred dollar pair of shoes... ah life is good.

Hey there Kuli and Linda!

So good to see from you both!

hope everyone is doing the best they can...

lovbob

hi you guys , been thinking very heavy about you all , i am doing ok , hubby is doing ok , no cancer woo hoo ! his dementia is not too bad , sometimes i feel like im the one with dementia . the weather here is so unreal ! doesnt feel like winter ! am missing tons of snow ,
you guys take care and smile more and the world will smile with you , saw a toddler the other day and he had a frown look on his face , he looked at me and i smiled at him well he smiled back at me , lalala smile my dearie !!!

Hey all! I know, I know - it's been forever!!!
Glad to see so many are still here - Bob, of course; Jen - sorry fp is still here; deef; meanwhile; etc, etc.
Been thinking about you guys so came on today and felt like I was home again!
Lots going on in my line - have 2 beautiful grandkids now - one boy who's 2 and a baby girl who's 5 months old. So much fun and they have been what has truly helped me to find life after caregiving. Quit my job in April 2015 and bf and I travelled to France for 3 months. Came back and spent the next year FINALLY getting the home I shared with my dad cleaned out, fixed up and on the market. It sold in November so we are now officially homeless - ha! Actually we are in Washington state for the next few weeks, have been here since September while Jim does a 6 month locums contract at the hospital. Very small town but has been a welcome change from big city suburban life. Next we move on to Indiana and will look for work and someplace to settle in for a bit. Will be close enough to the grandkids but in a state that is not going down the tubes.
I haven't worked in Washington - crazy how long it takes to get your nursing license in tome states - but do plan to work in Indiana. I worked part time while getting my house done and it was gréât. It was nice to just be a nurse and not have to worry about all the management headaches of the previous god knows how many years. So am looking forward to getting back to that.
Will try to keep in touch a little more often. Keep venting, keep living - it does get better. Like Jen said, while you are in the tunnel, it's hard to see the end but there is light there, no matter how long it takes to complète the journey!
Cheers everyone ~ Kuli

#45 has Dementia.

lovbob

The Bookie and the priest

A Jewish bookie was at the races playing the ponies and losing his shirt. He noticed a Priest step out onto the track and blessed the forehead of one of the horses lining up for the 4th race.
Lo and behold, that horse - a long shot - won the race.
Next race, as the horses lined up, the Priest stepped onto the track. Sure enough, he blessed one of the horses.
The bookie made a beeline for a betting window and placed a small bet on the horse. Again, even though it was another long shot, the horse won the race. He collected his winnings, and anxiously waited to see which horse the Priest would bless next
He bet big on it, and it won.
As the races continued the Priest kept blessing horses, and each one ended up winning.
The bookie was elated. He made a quick dash to the ATM, withdrew all his savings, and awaited for the Priest's blessing that would tell him which horse to bet on.
True to his pattern, the Priest stepped onto the track for the last race and blessed the forehead of an old nag that was 100/1. This time the priest blessed the eyes, ears, and hooves of the old nag. The bookie knew he had a winner and bet every cent he owned on the old nag.
He watched dumbfounded as the old nag pulled up and couldn't even finish the race.
In a state of shock, he went to the track area where the Priest was. Confronting him, he demanded, 'Father! What happened? All day long you blessed horses and they all won. Then in the last race, the horse you blessed never even had a chance. Now, thanks to you I've lost
every cent of my savings!'.
The Priest nodded wisely and with sympathy. "You are not Catholic are you my son?"
"No, I'm Jewish"
"That's the problem", said the Priest, "you couldn't tell the difference between a blessing and last rites".

Bobbie we are feeling a lot better still cough a little from the acute bronchitis but they say the cough might linger for up to 6 weeks. I hope not but time will tell. Joyce is doing great. Mike is doing as best as he can right now. Take him to a foot dr tomorrow to get him fitted with some kind of support shoe cause his left foot is rolling to the inside making it harder for him to walk. I think I have to re retire so I can rest up. Everybody seems to need my body for working purpose only. Doesn't give me any kind of satisfaction though. Ha ha love ya

Hey all,
Cuz! how are you feeling?
Jen!
Meanwhile!
SS and everybody, hope you all are well and doing the best you can with what you have to deal with.

lovbob

cuz - get better soon!

jen - 3 times a day! I sympathize.

Thanks SS and Jen I haven't done the three times a day just yet lol.

Yowsa, Grandma had that, one toe nail cut into a toe and she didn't feel it for days. At the end of strep with the cough that wont be tamed, i try to shove really dry toast down my throat scrape it out and then drink hot lemon juice and honey, seemed to help. Or maybe it was just a counter irritant. what is really irritating is peeing on yourself three times a day from coughing.

Cuz, hope you feel better soon!

xo
-SS

Jen Mike has neuropothy and diabetes. He broke off a toenail on his ringfinger toe and it started to bleed so he just put on a bandade. Three days later he took the bandade off and didn't have any skin on the top of his toe and the bottom was black with the dry version of gangrene. They found out that the blood supply to his foot was blocked so the put in two stints to open it up. Now six weeks later he still has the toe and everything is back to normal. My acute bronchitis is starting to come back with a vengeance I just can't stop coughing . Cough syrup with codine doesn't seem to help so contacting Dr in the morning. Hugs your way.
lovCuz

The Phone

A young man wanted to get his beautiful blonde wife something nice for
their first wedding anniversary. So he decided to buy her a cell phone. He
showed her the phone and explained to her all of its features.

Meg was excited to receive the gift and simply adored her new phone.

The next day Meg went shopping. Her phone rang and, to her
astonishment, it was her husband on the other end.

"Hi Meg," he said, "how do you like your new phone?"

Meg replied, "I just love it! It's so small and your voice is clear as
a bell, but there's one thing I don't understand though..."

"What's that, sweetie?" asked her husband.

"How did you know I was at WalMart?"

Gah bronchitis, that is long term suckage! and it can come back. I hope you are doing better, and why is your brother looking at losing body parts? inflammation, necro tissue damage?
The sun came out today. at least there is that...

Getting snotty here, "Where there is life there is hope..." Starting to think no, just life...

Pet pet horsey if I could.

Oh jen - some things it won't even be over when he passes, but some things will. I understand the worn out part - worn out from a life time of dealing with it. At least there will be no new aggravations once he is gone. Then there is just coming to some kind of peace with the past.

Hang in there Jen. Some how a post I put on a couple of days ago has disappeared. I had mentioned that have been fighting acute bronchitis since Christmas. The cough is still hanging around and like the Dr said will be for 5 to 6 weeks, in the mean time my old body is taking a lot longer to strengthen back up but we will make it. My brother will not lose his toe in fact He had his last Dr appointment for the toe last week. I take him to the surgeon who did the stints in his lower leg this Wednesday and that should do it for that part. In Feb he goes for carpal tunnel surgery on both his hands so I can take him out fishing come spring without worries he won't be able to hang on to the rod to bring fish in. Other than that, Michigan weather has been crazy this week. 60 degrees with flowers starting to come up to back to the mid 30's this week with snow coming just about every day. Right now it is 40 degrees and heavy fog. We are doing about as good as we can but haven't had any good jokes to pass along. Hugs to all caregivers and continue to read every night.
lovCuz

It helps, i am just so worn out and angry! It just keeps going on until it is over. No coffin, no phone call, no trip to cemetery, till those happen it is not over.

((((((hugs))))) J. Glad you are recovering from the step throat. God still loves you. Grandpa will pass one day. Why not sooner, I don't understand either. My mother is 104. Keep writing.

He's not dead. We both caught his cold, mine turned into strep, couldn't get to doctor due to weather, suffered, getting better now. down to his last five mos of money for nursing care then he goes on medicare and we, I don't know. really wish he would just go already. There is NO one else in our family who lived to be 95. And it would be the pervert. Not grandma. Not a loved missed loved one, the sicko rudewad who makes my mom feel bad for not coming in for two weeks because we couldn't leave the house. I hate god.
Still writing.
How are things East Coast?