Grossed out and need to vent—I just caught Mom using my toothbrush to comb her hair!

I was away for a couple of days, missed a lot of action. Now I see Bobby change her mind about the NH, or did she, or are they taking a road trip then placing mom.

Bobbie let me know.

havent a clue pamela!!! im wondering the same!!!but isnt it exciting.. i love road trips

"I'm an adult and I know what I'm doing..." neither of my parents would ever listen to that. Even before all of the health problems. Hope it works for you, though

wouldn't listen to what Rep, a road trip? My mom wouldn't agree to it, unless she was in CHARGE of it.

i think rep meant about telling my mom "im an adult" blah blah.. and i think rep is right.. i think most parents would laugh if we told them that..

I meant the adult thing. I think with my mom she can only see me as a squealing baby with a full diaper. She seems to have skipped all of the progress in between.

pamela-oh, dear. Mom must always be the boss, huh? That must be really tiring.

mom dictates! even as she's sick she still dishes out orders and how to do. When I bathe her, she gives me the steps one by one, even after I've been doing it for 5 months.

Hey Rep I have to catch myself sometimes so I'm not this way with my boyz.

I think that's my worst fear, too, is picking up all of my mom's worst habits. I'm also afraid that if I ever do meet a guy, the moment he meets Mom he's going to run as fast as he can. It'll look like a cartoon-a hole the exact shape of his body in the wall. So, just out of curiosity, while she's dictating each step of bathing, what would happen if you changed it a little bit? She would hand you your head?

I just think it's the idea of mind over matter, and just being able to give out orders, whether they're followed matters in the least. Know what I mean.

She can give them to my sister now though!!!!

ok back from looking at 30' 1996 Four Winds and 17 dents Class C motorhome. ehh. It's cheap as motorhomes go because of the depressed market but i wasn't filled with confidence with ol Frankie and Ricky the rv salesmen.

Mom climbed right up and in. I'm wondering where THAT came from. I took her down to the car in the wheelchair!! I didn't think it would be so easy for her. Was surprised.

Secret Sister. I'M STILL GETTING A BOAT. Actually one of the things I want to accomplish with the boat is the 'Great Circle Route' which is the one that goes up the Hudson, St Lawrence seaway,etc and into the Great Lakes, and then down assorted rivers until you hit the Mississippi and pop out at New Orleans into the Gulf of Mexico.

Mom has her cardiologist appt Thursday and that will determine where we're at with motorhome or assisted living.

I know she can drive me nuts but we always talked about us driving across the country for years and it sure is good to see her laughing and smiling thinking about the trip. I honestly thought she was too weak to fly but today she sure showed me that she's strong when there's fun to be had.

Right now we don't have plans to drop her off because I want to know what the cardio guy says. The place is aware of what's up and they are cool with it because this is life and it doesn't always fit into a box or plan.

I know I need a break and mom and I just knocked it around again and she told me that she would really like to go on the trip but if it's too much for me, meaning me Bob, she's ok with that too.
Bless her heart, literally!
So.... no snap decisions, easy does it and all of that.
ok enough of that.

It's good to see us all here and hopefully we'll still want to play on the boat!

Rep and KelleyBean you guys rock, Miz Demi and Pamela and everybody love ya!

Trawler Bob

glad you had fun. And the road trip with your mom sounds like a fantastic idea. My grandparents took a cross-country drive from VA to CA for their 50th wedding anniv, and Gram still talks about it to this day. Even with the dementia, she remembers it very fondly. So I hope you and your Mom get to do that. We're all pulling for you with the doctor's appt :)

well, while I was writing the above, mom came out of the bathroom and handed me (tried to hand me....) some wet toilet paper.

man oh man, what am I gonna do?

lovbob

wet as in urine or water? Either way, eeeeeeeewwwwwwww!

Bobby explain what's happening. Is she NOT going into the NH. Are you NOT going to NJ. Are you taking your hubby on this road trip? Can your mom handle it?

Wet as in water, but like you say......

I said, whaddya nuts? i'm sitting here eating a slice and you're bringing me wet toilet paper?!? What? do I have an errant crumb? Whassup. She starts laughing.

Mom says yes to everything. Like a lot of you guys she used to be mean all the time and said no no no no no.... Now it's yes. She's the Yes Man. So if you say do you want to go bowling? Yes. Is that wet toilet paper? Yes. Did you wipe your butt with that? Yes. (No, she didn't) Are you trying to gross me out? Yes. Is it working? (now she's laughing...) YES!

Mom is going to cardio guy on Thursday. She will need tests so that may take another few days. If it comes back that it's a murmur, that's all and she otherwise ok it will help me make a decision about placing her so I can run around and handle the business.

If it's something else and we understand that we might not have the time, I'll drive her back in the motorhome so she can experience that. We drive around here and she is enjoying the views and points out different things and wants to know what's that, etc.

I would be really sad if i placed her without all the info I need and I left for nj and she had a problem and I wasn't there. The heart issue is brand new and she doesn't even know about it.

Nik will not be able to come because of work but he's all for it as long as I come back. Anyway we look at it mom and i would be gone for as long as it takes to liquidate everything and come back.

All of the other caregiving stuff remains the same only now I'd be doing it with 6 gal of hot water and a chemical flush.

As of today I know that she could handle it because of the way she got herself around the different motorhomes and the size of the grin on her face.

What to do. This is when I sleep on it and don't get crazy.

thanks for the support you guys, very big to me and it really helps!

I forgot already who's having issues washing their mom and that the mom is barking orders.
Get one of those SuperSoakers. You know those nuclear powered squirt guns? Fill it up with bubble bath...

or...remember Silence of the Lambs? 'it puts the lotion on or it gets the hose again'

Say, mom, I mean it. Any more drama with the bathtub and it's off to the car wash with a roll of quarters.

They are tough nuts to crack these mamas. i also know what you mean about the 'adult' thing. My folks always acted like I had a bent chromosome and wouldn't trust me with the big stuff. I guess they were right because I got a job wiping butt!!
But hey, at least I'm good at it!

lovbob

Ahoy mates! Yes Piratess again on board...!

Nope have not tried driving a boat, but I am sure I can if someone showed me..wink! I love rum...Sailor Jerry Rum for me.

Yes secretsis, I have been away for a long time. I wonder if my original post is still up.

Ed, your post cracked me up!

Yes, I have to say to my mom...do you know how old I am I think I know how to do that now...but to no avail she quips at me like a 14 year old still....even though I am pretty much handling all the bills and monies now. Her NPD (Narcissitic Personality Disorder) with all the commanding all her life still goes along well with her onset dementia. For the longest she never wanted the tv on in her bedroom..but now I got her spoiled on setting the timer before I leave and now requires that everytime I come over and it is in the evening.
Like most of you I decided I cannot live with my mother even though she is going to be 86 and cannot do too much for herself anymore but the years of quilt, manipulating and commanding I could not live with her and go through it even though she is old. I keep in touch with her daily, go over there in the evenings if the 'whine factor' is high, and she has a caregivers that come 3 days a week and I am over there practically all day on Sundays (every Sunday for the past 11 years has been dedicated to her...consistently because you could never be sick or go anywhere).

Yes, because I am your mother, yeah love that phrase. I get the "I am your mother" crappola too but she could never see anything but her way always.

Her latest thing is constipation...this has been going on for 4 weeks now, in the beginning she was a bit more mental because they said she had a bladder infection and that throughs them into another loop. So she had a week course of cipro...don't know if it's cleared..it should be. 3 weeks ago she insisted in going to emergency...oh that was fun 6 1/2 hours just for a 50 buck enema. Well since then she has still been complaining about being constipated. On friday night when I was over there she was going on and on about the fleet enema she had at home and that she wanted it...(and I never in my life gave one of these before)...I could stand the whining anymore and gave it to her...and then said okay I am leaving...and then she says to me "oh youre' not leaving me like this (no clothing on waist down)"....I said well I can't sh#t for you too...you can still do that and wipe! I took off! Kept calling but no answer...oh and by the way she said the enema did not help...oh I am going fricken crazy about hearing about this. So tomorrow I have made another doc appt (will be the 3rd one) now for this crap!

The one person said they feel they have pee all over the floor...well at my mom's house she has spilled so much stuff - orange juice that now it's tracked everwhere and no amount of mopping the kitchen floor it's still sticking. I think it's on the rugs now so it gets tracked back in. She get's food all over the floor and spills stuff...I brought her a McDonalds cheeseburger on Saturday and cut it up in 4 pcs and still was eating that funky like a 5 year old....only ate 1/2.
Since she had to give a urine sample for the doctor and can never seem to do it in the office, everyday she is making samples....ARRRRRRR. I told her they are only good for the day of the doctor. Yesterday I caught her with one of those teensy sample bottles of mouthwash, she was eyeing that as a possible sample container. I grabbed it and put it back into the medicine cabinet, and said no you have to do that at the doctors.

LOLOLOLOLOL good to see you Pirate!

Have you tried Stool softeners?

2 refried bean tacos and 2 stool softeners. You'd need a haz mat suit to go over there after that

I got to give you credit for helping your mom shoot the tube. Damn.

lovbob

Is she really constipated or is it all in her head? Maybe she doesn't want to be bothered with the whole process anymore and wants to get someone to do it for her? Dementia sucks, man. It's so hard to tell what's real and what isn't.

true that

bobbie, you kill me. And then you started on Silence of the Lambs.....it puts the lotion on or it gets the hose. Cracked me up. You remember the Golden Girls? Shady Pines? Maybe we should send all of our lot over there

since my mother only goes every 4-6 weeks.. no enema helps.. have you tried miralax? tasteless and colorless.. its alright... its beats me pulling a log out her butt.. literally.. yeah.. that wasnt something i want to repeat.. and dont want to talk about again after this..

Well, I get this from my m-i-l, who's 78 yrs. old and has Alzheimer's all the time, re: bobbie321's post. Sometimes, she doesn't know what to do and she reaches for the trash can to put her dirty tp (full of pee and poop) sorry for the p & p, but I've gotten so grossed out, I've had to resort back to the simple names. Other times, she waits for me to come back to check on her in the bathroom (b/r). She's holding the dirty tp in her hand and wants me to look at it before she throws it somewhere. Sometimes, she asks me if I want it. I tell her, "I don't want it! Just throw it in the dark hole." Sometimes, I find it on the counter in the b/r. My husband goes down to get her up to go to the b/r, because otherwise, it's like a flashflood gusher and he has gone into the b/r cabinet before to get something and finds a surprise.

Oh, one night (I almost forgot about this) she gets done eating and my husband eats downstairs with her. He comes back up and starts washing dishes (God love him!), goes back down to see if she's done and wants to wash her dishes as well. He comes back upstairs and throws something wrapped in a napkin away in the trash can. He changes the liner even though it's not filled up all the way and he likes to get as much into the bags as he can get. He proceeds to tell me that his mom had in her hand and was rolling it around between her palms. She showed him some 'chocolate' that she found. He said it smelled like poop. I got so mad, I went downstairs and started to get her to the b/r to wash her hands and nails but good. I came upon some poop on the carpet and she was already in the b/r (as you can guess, pooping) but she wasn't pooping in the toilet, she was pooping on the b/r floor. I will not go downstairs anymore without shoes on and I will not use her b/r except to wash my hands and even then I still wash my hands once I get back upstairs. We've (my husband & I take turns) been doing laundry daily. Sometimes, 2 and 3 loads/day. A little bit of Apple Cider Vinegar works well at getting the pee smell out of mattress pads, sheets, blankets, clothing, waterproof pads, etc.

I gave my mom miralax once and that's when she had that wicked diarrhea. Could have been a coincidence I guess. Kelley, that "pulling a log" thing. I can relate. :P

Wow, Pirate, I feel for you. I give Mom stool softeners and I think maybe it helps a little. Her new problem is high potassium so that means less fiber. She's also diabetic and so that really limits her diet. I give her insulin, check her sugar, etc. What to do. What to do. What to do.

My m-i-l, who's 78 and has AD is on Miralax 3-5x/week (depending on how she's doing down there). It beats having her put vaseline on her finger (her idea, not mine) and sticks it up her butthole to get it moving. Yuck!!!!! She burps with Miralax, but that beats the first thing that she did.

LOL bobbie. I love your sense of humor!! You're doing great. :)

love ya too, bobbie!! And alll all the rest of yous!!

My mom says, "I'm your mother." But she's also child like. Asking me what to do all the time.

I'm going up by Chicago tomorrow for a class for work. I'll be gone from 6 am to 6:30 pm. Don't know if hubby will drive us. It's hurts him to sit for long. I hate driving in traffic. Nerves and anxiety!! We'll see how he feels in the am. I've got a really early morning so I'm gonna sign off for now. I'm sorry I've not really been here much. You guys mean so much to me. Thanks for being here.

Miz

OMG, sorry ladies. I'm so glad Dad is in a NH. Hope that doesn't disqualify me. FIL's there, too. One day I walked in to visit dad, and in the middle of the floor, was a surprise in the brand new slippers I had just bought him. Ewwwwwww. The nursing staff apologized to me. (Not necessary, cuz of all the gross stuff they have to do.) We've thrown away lots of pairs of shoes because he p's in them, and in corners at the facility, too.

One day I visited, there was a nice surprise in the new slippers I just bought him, a huge pile in the middle of the floor on top of one. Gee, dad, thanks. Though it wasn't meant for me, I don't believe. Who was it meant for? I hate Alzheimer's.

Just remembered this: One day, during Laugh Club, dad unzipped and started masterbating. When we learned of this, and why they were keeping blankets near him, my hubby said, "Yea, ya wanna see something funny?" NOT! Sarcasm helps at times like that.

Hey, Bobbie, you're going to have to get a bigger boat to carry that motor home about. Remember to bring lots of TP, just in case it gets wet...

And, I'll be waiting on the shore!!! Till then, you'll find me at the beach (come spring). Ya'll are welcome to join me...Hwy 2, anyone???