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jojo and rossella, welcome to the site. You will get lots of wonderful advice on here. I can't say enough about the wonderful caretakers who post here. We all care and it shows. What gets posted on this site helps me realize that I'm not crazy. That there are other people going through the same or similar things and they are having the same frustrations & grossness that I have.
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jojo, my mom doesn't stay on the phone very long either. I just think it wears her out. I do think that some of the time she is pretending to know the person and is just trying to say the right things. She gives me back the phone and I take it from there.
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jojo, I do the xanax thing too. I also have family that does not help. They live out of state and I am here so I get it all. I do know this. I am so grateful for the time I have gotten to spend with her. We are very close. I'm sad because I don't see glimpses of Mom from before her dementia started. It's hard to remember the person that she was. I get what you're saying about not wanting your mom to deteriorate into nothing. I think that's a normal way to feel. I know my mom misses my dad so much. As far as washing her hair goes. I take my mom into the kitchen and wash it in the sink. I think that's less frightening than the shower. Hang in there!! :)
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farmangel, hello. My mom loves to lay in her bed. Most days that's all she wants to do. Today is different. She wants to do stuff and I'm wanting a break to catch up on here and other stuff. My feeling on her just wanting to lay in bed is, if (and it's doubtful) I get to be 92 I am going to want to do what I darn well want. Maybe that's how your mom feels about her chair. My mom says she's gonna take her bed to heaven with her. :)
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jsomebody, i hear where you are coming from. All the medical advances are wonderful but so is quality of life. I hope I go before I can't do stuff for myself. I probably shouldn't say that or feel that way but I do. I go to nursing homes and I get so sad...
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Well, I was going to read everyone's posts and respond but I'm getting too darn sleepy. I probably won't take a nap because I usually wake up feeling worse than I did before. Everything is the same here except I think Mom's antibiotics are helping and she's not nearly as confused as she was. She wears me out though. I've got a part time job interview on Thursday. I'm not sure if I want it or what the pay is. We'll see. It's so hard to think about having to be somewhere at a certain time when I never know how Mom is going to be or how much sleep I will get. bobbie, I'm so glad you'll finally be on the boat Wednesday. You have worked SO HARD. I so admire you. SS, I'm so glad you had a good time away. :) I know worrying about your two dads is hard. K, guess I'll do some laundry or something. Hugs to all.

love,
miz
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BTW, I'm catching fruit flies with a concoction of red wine, fruit cocktail and a banana in a canning jar. It seems to be working. :) Just killed one here in my room. Oooooh, I hate those things!!
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Hey Miz ~
Cisco Morris, the garden Wizart of Seattle, says Geraniums repel flies. I just planted a couple hanging baskeys for my deck where they stupid flies seem to always spin.

Ciscoe has a web site full of interesting garden adive. He's a bit of a prankster & fun to watch. KING5 news website too.

I'm going to make your concoction for the kitchen! Thanks!

AOL popped up with a featue about a $40 million house on Mercer Island, near Seattle. The owners started a senior & assisted living company which is now national. Guess thats where our rent money went.
Must be quite a profit in the elder care industry!

Take a nap, Lady!
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Saw dad today. Actually both of them. It is depressing. He doesn't seem happy to see us, or even smile. He did attempt to say a couple words, but that was it. He just stares. At least I got to watch him pick up his fork and shovel a couple of bites in. Other than that, I usually just watch him sleep. I just walk away grieving. There's so much I want to say, but he doesn't seem to understand any of it. I did talk to his Nurse about scheduling a second opinion to see where they rate his disease, and even what they diagnose him as. I love the clinic and staff. Don't know what use it would be, though. And I'd probably have to take a CNA along with me, because he's totally incontinent, and we may need some help with him. He's only been out of the facility once in the past year (when I took him to the Dentist). That went OK, but this would be long distance. Still debating...

Miz, good luck on your interview, but I understand what you're saying. Though the income is necessary, it's hard to juggle Caregiving. Hubby having any luck with his job hunt?
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Hi Secret ...

My heart aches for you. I'm glad the clinic is a good one. You are lucky for that.
Is there any relief from grieving? I wondered that so often during my mother's cancer & Dad was in a 2 month coma. I understand when you say "I just walk away grieving".

When I'd drivek Mom to chemo in the city, I'd often return 30 miles home with her solem saddness, sick in the passenger seat.
I felt I shouldn't be driving in rush hour traffic b.c of the grief. We were so exhausted...

I often recall those dsays when I see a frail passenger in a slow moving vehicle. Frantic drivers tailgating, anxious to pass while on their stupid cell phones.

thinking of you ....

Rip
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Hi my new and very nice and very dear friends. (I am starting to know you all!)
(hlardebeck: I agree, my friend's brother is one on a million. By the way my friend told me he kept her mother happy, he was very kind, he made her laugh... with a lot of patience and warmth)
A funny thing happened to me last Sunday. My brother came for his monthly visit to my mother and he was in a good mood and he wanted to joke. As the TV did not work I had installed a DVD player, so my mother could watch some movies. My brother had to stay home with her, while I took the dogs for a walk, so he asked me to turn on the DVD player and put on a movie. I did so. Then he said "I do not like this movie" and I, like a soldier, went to look for another movie. He said "I do not like this one, either" and I continued to obey and looked for another one. He was enjoying himself a lot, as I was obeying to everything I said and he could not believe it. (meanwhile, he was comfortably sat on the couch). The film was in Spanish so he said: "I want to hear it in Italian!" And I looked in the menu for the choice of languages. When the film started to play, in Italian, there were French subtitles. And my brother, always laid on the couch, said: "I do not want subtitles" And I looked in the menu and took the subtitles away. And then he said: "I want subtitles in croatian!" He was enjoying himself a lot as I was obeying to everything. Until some months ago I would have laughed and sent him to hell. When he asked me to put the subtitles in croatian I finally understood that he was pulling my leg.
I have realized how changed I am with this Alz mother situation. I am always jumping here and there like a spring, when my mother asks me something, when the cats ask me something, when the dogs ask me something, when the telephone rings, I always jump up and I obey to everyone. I was a very rebel girl. Have you changed this way, too? Have you became sort of a machine, a very productive and organized one?????
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Thanks, Rip! Relief? Yes. Life goes on. And I have a nine year old to keep me quite distracted, as well as a very active political life. We still spend time visiting the dads, but watching them decline is so painful. I did a lot of traveling back and forth over the past few years, caring for my folks, then caring for their home. I should probably go check on it, but too busy right now. Lots can happen to an abandoned house 200 miles away, though a trustworthy neighbor is there mowing every week.

The other relief for grieving is knowing that dad is saved, and has a home waiting for him in heaven. Just wish I could share meaningful conversation with him while still on earth. Some days, I just "miss" my dad, even though he's still alive. I miss the potential, too. Some days while visiting, I just fight back tears. Sometimes when alone, sobs. I hate Alzheimer's!

My FIL is also saved (I think), though was quite the stinker, and sometimes still is. He has Vascular Dementia, but is actually doing better than my dad, in some respects, though he's much older. His decline is expected, and not so grievous. He can still walk and talk with us, and even play a gentle game of tossing a softball or shoot pool. We watch Tiger baseball together, and he invites us to join him for meals. He's combative toward other residents some times, but is pretty decent around us, so it's a big difference. Though he's declining, it's not so emotionally disturbing. At 90, he's enjoyed his life as much as possible, and still is to some extent.

Grief, who knows? Wish we could change things, but have to deal with reality. Everyone dies. Some sooner, some later. Grief is something we all must face. Dementia support groups and this thread helps a lot.
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HI Rossella!

So you are a Puppet too!

How many of us are?

I used to cater to my brothers & Dad, just like Mom did.
Now I jump for the animals & Dad, who loves to tease me about it.
Were you able to get the TV connectioin fixed? I am gald the flatscreen doesn't overheat now. Technology.

Cheers!
Hugs to Rexy from all of us
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I have to take a picture of Rexy while he tries to carry 6 sticks in his mouth, and in the same time take the 7th I threw into the river! He is a stick-retrieving addict. he belongs to the newest breed of "Shepherd retriever". He lives for that! When I stop throwing sticks for 2 seconds, he cries as though I was torturing him!
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Poor Rexy!
I'd love to see the photos!
Hawk used to drag rocks from the riverbed! Dip Stick!
Died with all his teeth.

I wish we could post photos & videos on this site. Simply for the entertainment of our housebound caregivers. This site has made me feel like a part of an extended family like I have never known.

*Except for my dear Father, the source of my posts. Thank you Sir, for being enough of a pest to make me search online for relief.


Cheers for EVERYONE here!
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Bobbie we all want to get on your boat...
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rosella , u re killin me ! i used to be the same way . tell em to get it yourself ! now i go and get em etc and it becomes a habit , you know it needs to be done and zoom go do it .
sometimes i just wish i could just lay there and lay lay all day , while pa s hollarin im layin thinking oh give me 5 more mins plzz . nope i jump up and zoom .
ah supper s all done made and my men are stuff , now i gotta go take pa to his recliner and zoom to the store myself andget dog food and cat food , grrr i was at the store yesterday shoppin for grocries and didnt even pick up no dog food or cat food , what the hell ! wheres my mind at !
ok gotta go zoom zoom , :-)
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I did the same thing yesterday! Quick trip to the store for Geraniums to offend the flies ............& forgot the pet store!
In a rush to return to Dad!

Buy extra lhard!
My friend just arrived with his dog & stock for mine since my trips are limited.

Pets make our lives pleasurable & deserve the best!
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Well, lharde, when my mother calls I have to jump! It is dangerous not to do so! She puts herself in danger every 5 minutes. Two years ago when she lived alone she climbed a ladder (the stairs that you use to change bulbs? Is that their name?) It was 2 in the night and she could not get to the phone to call someone. When my brother called her the morning after and she did not answer, he went to her house and had to call someone to crash the door lock. (those were the first signals that her head was starting to work quite badly)
I could give many more examples of the dangerous things she does.
I agree with you that dogs and cats could wait. I feel that if I could rest, i would sleep for one whole week, too! This is my idea of vacation, now: SLEEEEEP!
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Rip: yeah I agree. It is a pity we can just post a little photo on the profile. Otherwise we could change it every now and then, so we would always be up to date with our lives.
What I like about this forum that you say every kind of things, you grieve, you laugh, you vent....
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Wouldn't sound sleep be wonderful?
Shallow dreams are nice ....
Bobbie's boat, a vacation???

Are you all on alert during the night, listening for your parent? Like having babies. Never ending ...
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... a vacation for us, to go onboard and cruise to Polinesia...
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....yep my mom does not flush the toliet anymore...and sometimes I find a huge pile up going on. GROSS! I can't wait for this nightmare to end. Work has turned into total SHIT due to the new systems they brought over from the momma company...and it is all so horrible...so I have a horrible day at work every day and then have to deal with mom issues. My b/f doesn't get how stressed out I am...and I am relating that to his Italian butt being catered to just like Rosella's brother. What is it with Italian men...I think they think they are king!

And NO I am STILL A REBEL...you should of heard me loud at work bringing concerns up that they glossed over so cleverly...the cretins.

Well gotta go get out of work now and go home really quick and then go to my mom's.

At least the Indians had the right idea where the old people wander off into the wilderness to die when it's time. I think that is a FANTASTIC idea! At this point I don't care how cold that sounds...I am just so done....yeah when will it end....it will end someday cause no one is imortal!
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Hang in there, Pirate. You sure are working yourself tired. Relief will come, in a matter of time. "This too, shall pass."

Rip and RosellaItaly, you two are welcome additions.

LOL at forgetting the dog food, lhardebeck.

I got to a distant location yesterday, without my wedding rings, because I forgot to put them on. I sometimes repeat myself to friends, and they remind me of already hearing my story. I forget names. Early onset? ~Sigh. Guess things could be worse. Heaven forbid! Well, sleep sounds good to me, too. Night!
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Good Morning BoatMates!

Pirate, bless your heart. hang in. All of the crap you are describing is part of the disease.

Big surprise in bowl.
Big surprise hidden under pillow.
Pee Pee tissues hidden in shoe.
Gray hairs pokin out your toothbrush.
Table manners that would gag a maggot.
Wiping nose on back of your shirt. While you're wearing it.

SS you are right: this too will pass and it will hurt. but it will happen.

Gone From My Sight and the Eleventh Hour. Please read them.

I love you guys and will write tonight.

lovbob
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rip, thank you for the advise about the geraniums. :)
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SS, no hubby hasn't found a job but his unemployment has been extended. Thank you, God!!
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Rosella, yes I feel that way too. Sometimes I feel like a robot I think. I got up several times last night because Mom got up and I didn't want her roaming the house in the dark. It seems like when I hear any little noise from her monitor, I am startled awake and then can't really relax until I check on her. Then it takes time for me to relax well enough to sleep. When hubby asks me for help I usually jump right up and do it. I'm not sure if everyone is that way now or if it's the caregiver in me.
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SS, I do stuff like that all the time. Forgetting my rings. Forgetting to turn off my flat iron. Telling the same story over and over. I wonder about early onset also. My sis says my mom's been crazy since she turned 50. Well, I'm 51. I sure do feel crazy sometimes. I'm sure not myself.
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Hello Everyone. I've got a busy day today. Gonna try and take Mom to see her friend in the nursing home. Hubby mows and trims for her and he needs me to pick up a check. It's hot out but I plan on starting the car and getting it cool in there before I take Mom out. Then...I have a check up with the doc. Then after that I take the cats for their shots. Then Mom and I will watch this afternoon's ball game that I will record. I have my interview in the morning. I have such mixed feelings about it. Everyone, try and have a good day. Love yas!!

miz
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