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Wow this disease really sucks. Mom got bad again yesterday afternoon/last night. She accused me of lying to her and was just not herself. She was so confused. She was up so many times. She was talking practically nonstop. She was questioning her night time meds and I'm worried I will have a problem getting her to take any meds. I knew this could all happen one day but I guess I never accepted that it would. I've been so fortunate up to this point and I guess I just have to keep telling myself that. Normally the CNA would be here today but she's on vacation. She'll be here on Monday. Wow that seems like a long time away. I'm thinking even if I don't find a part time job I will still need her here two days a week. I'm gonna need those "breaks". Thanks for listening, everyone. I love yas. Hugs and blessings to all.
Hello Sailors, I know it's been awhile since you heard from me. Well this past Saturday my mom had a wierd fall/accident. I found her around 1:00 in the afternoon wedged between the cabinet the floor and the top mattress on top of her. She said she was like that all night..and 1/2 the day. Well I was glad I talked my b/f to coming over with me with the enticement of bbq'ing for him over there. Well we got the top mattress off of her and then slowly got her up. She was befuddled. I knew she would be messy so I took her right away into the bathroom and stripped her down and gave her a bath. Had to clean a bunch of impacted poo out her "ahem". Just thought to myself...well I guess she had to do it to me when I was a babe. I was rushing so it made her a little bit ill and she thought she was going to heave but never did. It's true about what they say about when they have falls, they never seem to recoup and digress. I can see that with her since this past Saturday that she is declining. She no longer microwaves her cold coffee or food nor makes phone calls. I am getting geared for Nursing Home soon. I have the care-giver coming now starting Monday, 4 hours each day Mon-Fri. I still come over on Tuesday and Thursday nights but I may have to go more often and of course Sat/Sun. So I have been filled with Anxiety about this I took off work Mon and Tues this week to go over and observe her. This is the pits but I knew it was going to happen one day. I set up a phone extension in her room, but those new phones are so tiny she can't really utilize it. So gonna get a 25 ft extension phone cord and hook up an old phone that is about 1 ft by 1 ft and has the regular style handheld receiver and the numbers are about 1 1/2 inches big, still don't know if she will use it. I hope it has instant call buttons (preprogrammed) I just can't re-call well that is for after work today.
Okay now for those of you wondering about the bloody mattress. I don't know how my mom manages to do it, but she climbs into bed like a 4 year old ya know with the knees so with all her weight she pulls the mattress more and more over the edge. Well when I came over there on Tuesday I told the caregiver I am stripping down both beds that are in her room. My mom had 2 twin beds pushed together for her and dad. So I stripped them down to the bare bones. Man the layers she had built into those beds. I had a ton of comforters, matress covers and sheets piled in another room that either went in trash or thrift shop or caregiver took with her. I then made each bed up. Her's I put a plastic drop cloth under the mattress cover for extra protection AND THEN I GOT ROPE FROM THE GARAGE AND HOG TIED THE TOP AND BOTTOM MATTRESSES AND THE BED FRAME TOGETHER, and then a comforter and then two comforters on top. The other bed set up with sheets and blankie and comforters in case I spend the night. I also have to get rid of a ton of stuff like Bobbie but not as much as her gazillion books and such. My mom had a ton of clothes in all the closets and every cabinet is packed...oh the Thrift Shop is going to make out good with me. A lot of stuff is brand new.
Wow, PIrate. You have been through some s%&*. What a chore!! I'm so sorry your mom is declining. I'm glad she wasn't hurt badly. How stressful all this must be for you. I guess we're all going through our own hells and they are similar and yet unique. My mom was much better today. Maybe she's too tired to be crazy. I guess I'll find out tomorrow. Hang in there, sweetie. Hang in there, all of yous.
Miz, Yeah the mind trips they are the worst. I got so mad at my mom last night, it's been awhile since I have been that mad at her. It's amazing how the Narcissism is still burried in their deep. Well a couple of months ago I had bought an extension phone set. Well you know the phones these days are so dinky. Well mom was holding the phone in her hand like it was 'roadkill' or something. Saying she can't see it (well she is 1/2 blind kinda), and she could not see the right buttons. But I hate when my mom plays dumb like this. If it is life and death you would think you would get your gumption together and try. Well then I just dismatled it and then took it home. Well since this fall I thought I am going to bring the phone back. So I did and set it up again...and heard the same ca ca. So I thought okay eons ago I bought my parents this phone with big numbers okay I will somehome maneuver and set that up, and I did. Well here comes again I can't see it crap. This phone is like 1 foot by 1 foot and the buttons are about 1 1/2 square. Then she holds the phone receiver stupid and can't find the phone. Well that just enraged me. I yelled at her what's the purpose of playing this game? It helps no one and hurts you more. Well I went on to my next task which was building one of those side railings from the bed. Well I F'd with that damn thing for about an hour. Damn them for sending everything we buy to China. I think one leg of the piece was machined wrong and would not fit. So have to take that back and hopefully the next package went through some f*ing QUALITY system so I can put it together. But boy she made me so mad with the old round and round banter. I trully did not think I was going to hear that crap. She is still 1/2 playing the cry wolf schema but in a little different way. She does not like the notion when I bring up Nursing Home. I told her you want to avoid reality, and that only is going to hurt you. I told her how long is she going to be keeping up staying at home. The caregiver is there 20 hours during the week, I come in the evenings every other night and all day on Sat/Sun...I spend a lot of time over there. I only have Mon,Wed,Fri eve's to myself. I know she talks behind my back about me negatively to her negative sister. My cousin's mom is a wierd trip as well. These folks from the 'old country' are really a trial, maybe worse than american old souls. LOL Anyway what irks me is here I am taking time off Mon and Tues worried about her, and yet when I try to encourage her to help herself so to speak, because if you let yourself just become a slug and let everything done for you I feel you are going to just decline even more into nothingness. Which was the point I was trying to make to her, that if you keep getting more and more helpless (even though I am sure if she really wanted she can use the phone - just like the playing dumb for months she could not turn on the tv and then when I started to turn on the tv and set it to a timer she got to like the idea of a tv in the bedroom and then ta da all of a sudden she could turn it on and lo and behold turn it off). So yeah I catch her in the playing dumb which goes along with crying wolf and poor me crap and it gets my goat. Like what I have read about Narcisissits on another blogsite where the originator had a mother that was a NPD, I remember reading from another poster on the blog..that they are like that till the day they die! I can see that now. I really thought it was gone recently cause she was quiet, but it's amazing what sparks this stuff back. Almost like a matchbook of NPD. WOW! Tonight I am going to treat myself and stay home, will go back soon enough tomorrow. Oh by the way sailors, does anyone have any opinion on the best "Medical Alert" systems for older folks. I am researching that now for her. I hope she does not waste time and money for me again and plays stupid she does not know what to push! LOL LOL LOL !
pirate i thought about that medical button for dad , but then i picture him pushin the button for the hell of it , cry wolf . i thought nanana and picture him throw that thing in the trash . its good for people who has thier mind and is careful etc but people like our parents bedrest , need help liftin em up , take em to bathroom and all , those medical button is no good for them . bless ur herat for doing everything you can for ur mom . yes they like to cry wlof and act like they cant do this and that . dad did that for a while , now he cant do nothing but he can eat . :-)
Wow, Pirate. I don't know how you deal with all of that and the rest of your life too. You're a good daughter. I can feel your frustration all the way here.
My mom has calmed down and today she doesn't feel good. Just wants to lay down. I checked her sugar level and it's fine. Come to find out she does have a UTI and hubby went and got her medicine today. I'm hoping she will feel better once that kicks in. What to do. What to do.
miz i hope ur mom gets to feel better once the meds kick in . its so sad to watch them so sick with uti . i hate them things ! dad seems to be ok now after he got treated . am keeping my nose open to catch that smell again . he was upset at me last night cuz i wouldnt take him to fla to go pick up his 1955 chevolete car , i tol dhim i amnot driving all the way down there to get that car for ya . made him so mad , oh well he got ver it after i put him to bed . whew !! i hear pa yellin i best go ck on him , keep cool !! xoxo
Miz, Make sure the doctor always puts a refill on your mom's antibiotics. Whenever I suspect Mom has a UTI, I call the doctor for a new prescription and immediately call in the refill and start her on it. Next time your mom is that mentally altered, it's almost always a UTI. The sooner you get her on the meds, the faster she'll get back to her old self. I promise you she will be a different person by tomorrow. It's too bad you all had to suffer through the waiting for labs etc. Get yourself some rest while you can. Linda, I agree with you on the med alert devises. Unless they are of sound mind, these things are more of a toy to them.As for the car, by morning, it'll just be something else popping into his head! How's the toes? Pirate, I got a bed rail for my mom too. I had trouble like you, so I e-mail the company and told them my problem. I was doing something wrong, and a simple answer back from them had me putting it together the right way in no time. By the way, Mom badmouths me all the time. I got used to it. Even though I tell myself she can't help the way she is, I still get stressed to the max and end up yelling at her. I no longer feel the guilt that I used to, because have been the only one caring for her 24/7 for the last 2 years. It's worse than being married!! Hah! I now have a CNA 35 hours a week, and three 6 hour days at daycare. the stress is less, but it still hangs over my head 24/7. It sounds like your mom is getting deeper into dementia. Mine is not capable of walking alone anymore. Nor can she use the phone or go to the bathroom on her own. I don't get much of any help from my 6 siblings, and that adds to the resentment for my situation. My oldest sister is here right now from Virginia for 3 weeks. She lives the furthest away and actually does more for me in the 3 weeks she is here, than the rest of them do all year. Hang in there! Made MANY golumpki (stuffed cabbage) today. Won't have to cook for a week! YES!!!! Take care everyone.
Oh man Deef..you better Fex Ex some of them golumpki to me...lol. Sounds good. I don't know if my mom ever made stuffed cabbage but I remember something one time as a kid, and would love to try the real deal!
Yeah they are a trial to you. Funny thing last week on one of the PBS channels there was a show that was talking the biggest percentage of cargegivers is an average woman 53 years old who works and has to provide caregiving service. I made my b/f who is figidity on the subject watch it....and said see they are talking about me. I could not find the name of the show...but found this snippet on youtube
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oS7CxojZIBM
Yes the decline...wow...I noticed she is not doing stuff since this weird fall. The friday before the fall she could still call me on the phone...but now she acts like she can't handle a phone at all, not even picking up the receiver. So I don't know if it would be a waste of time to get the med alert or not. She said when she was pinned under the mattress that she was yelling for the neighbor...but she was calling for Lisa and the girl is Lyndsey...plus my mom's bedroom window is right next to their garage, so yelling the old fashioned way is not going to cut it. I tried to tell her a nursing home she would not have to worry at all, someone would always be there. (I was thinking of her room sharing with someone that is a bit more cohesive). Well when I say all this I get dead looks or no reaction. So it's frustrating because you want to respect them as if they still have wits about them but on the other hand that is slowly going. I think her deal is she wants to die at home,,,and yet in the same bed my dad died in. Needless to say every bed in that house will be disposed off after this ordeal is over. My old bed I checked out has a trace of mildewing on the mattress so that is out of the question for anyone to use, and I don't want either of their two twin beds either.
I will have to watch and see in the next coming days and weeks how she progresses or digresses, if she digresses to where someone has to do something for her all the time, like eating or bathrooming, then I think it's time to take a trip up the street to the nursing home, cause it will be cheaper to have a Nursing home paid for instead of a live in caregiver. Cause that agency quoted me 250.00 a day...that would be 7,500 a month....crazy..compared to a nice nursing home that is right next to the hospital and across the street from her doc for 3,000 to 4,000. Well she may get her wish if she dies before I can get her to a nursing home, but she seems overall healthy ... no cancer, no heart trouble, no nothing except small stuff.
Yes, private care is a fortune. I have someone stay with mom during the day while I am at work. It cost $16 per hour x 10 hours a day x 5 days a week. Luckily mom had the forsight to buy some long term care insurance in the late 90's and it has been a life saver. It doesn't pay it all, but it covers $100 per day.
Mom has her good days and bads days, but sometimes she plays helpless when she doesn't feel I have paid enough attention to her. It;s the juvenile thinking that seems to come back to play in their old age.
Miz, at least you have a reason for your mom's recent behavior. If she doesn't improve in the next day or two, ask the doctor to change her antibiotic. Some of these UTI's are hard to fight.
Have a good weekend all and I hope you all find a little time to care for yourselves.
doody, I don't get that post either. I see you are new to Aging Care. This thread has been going on a long time and there are some great caregivers here. Take the time to read the thread and you'll see what I mean.
I think your mother needs home care assistance all day long. You can go and visit her when you have time. I don't think she can live by herself, now...
I haven't caught Mother doing any of those things-YET but what grosses me out is when she wipes her nose an anything she can get her hands on. She is cold natured and with the AC she covers her legs with a fuzzy throw and she uses that most of the time even tho she had tissues right next to her chair. I caught her one day using the kitchen dish towel. Needless to say I no longer keep a towel out where she can find it. Mother doesn't see very well and I never thought I would be glad she can't see but maybe I am now. I have now put my toothbrush where I know Mother can't find it, that makes my tummy roll just thinking about it.
THere are times when my daughter and I laugh about some of the things that Mother does or says because if we didn't we would sit down and cry. I can't wait to tell her about your Mother & the toothbrush-she will flip out, she is funny about anybody even touching her toothbrush.
My dad has vision loss & I've found stringing rope lighting on the hallway floor & into his bedroom helps to guide him. Doesn't budge if his cane lands on it. Inexpensive at Target & like stores.
hi sailors !! thought id drop a few line or 2 , going to my old hometown today , my gfriend lives there and there is a party going on for the old hometown gangs . gonna be fun and it ll be good to see alot of long lost friends . deefer,, my toe is slowly healing , doesnt hurt too much but it feels like it needs to be pulled back in place , wanna pull it ?? lol i can see a ball joint there ewew . ah well one day it will go back in place when i hit it again lol . ive seen pamela s post just yesterday i think , guess shes doing ok , hope so .. dad s ok , had to give him xannax last night , he kept stracthin his head and cant stop , sundowners . whiney cryin wa wa so gave him xannie , he is still sleeping , wonder what time he finaly went to sleep ? granddaughter stayed the nite with me lastnight , shes a blessing to be around . 4 yrs old . hope bobbie s ok ! hope she jumps in that pool after sweatin all day , its horrible out there ! hot hot and muggy ! you all have a good weekend . xoox
Mom's not feeling well today. She had the same complaint last night. She can never describe how she's feeling other than she just needs to lay down. It's like she's either manic or totally down these days. I'm hoping the antibiotics are working for her. It's just so hard to tell what's what. I keep trying to call one of her really good friends to come over and see her but I can't get an answer. No answer machine either. No cell phone either. :) Everyone have a good day. Thanks for being here. bobbie and SS, how are you?
Yes, my dark hallway looks like an airport landing strip with the rope lights, but it really helps. They had spent 3 years on my outdoor deck so they seem to last. Easy to install woth duct tape or staple gun tacks.
Another trick I've done b/c he passes a stairway enroute to the hall: I tooks a cabinet hinge & light wiegh piece of 2" x 2' wood. Square PVC works if you can find it. It folds up against the wall & stays in place with velcro.
When Dad is up & walking I drop it over onto the stair rail, again, light weight enough to secure with velcro but I may eventually use heavier hinges & brackets so he can grasp it..
At this tim he doesn't need to lean on it since he uses his cane, but it idicates where the stairway is. Split Level house.
Inexpensive safety things can help.
I had planned to put stair rails along the hallway to encourage him walking, but his Highness nixed that idea. Thinks he is more stable than I do. Says the cane is enough ... for now ... plus he enjoys the *threat of smacking me with it!
*He's a senior Wit Stitch, Bobbie! (I sure like that tag!)
Don't be nervous about doing these things in you home. I was married to a builder / carpenter. He kind of liked the idea of being a strong, Manly guy & some of his trade secrets were intimidating,
However, I discovered that I could do most of these indoor things myself. with a few "girl tools" from Home Depot Like laying over 1000 sq ft of laminate flooring. He was long gone by then.
Next pratical idea for Pet Owners.
Rather than fresah toilet water I looked at the water fountains for animals. $35 frickin bucks for an ugly plastic thing.
I purchased several Serenity fountains at garage sales, in clearence aisles & thrift shops.
One is a 3' ceramic tower with an elegant fairy holding scallop shells, the water flows down into 3 shells, then & into a giant scallop shape pool. Has 2 tulip lights for ambience when the timer flicks on at night.
All is low voltage. I have a triple level fake stone one on the deck that the birds bathe in. All are real bargains! Especially for the animals! A pain to clean but denture tablets start the process.
Hi Im new to this stie I started reading for a while but it would take me days too read all of it but it sounds like a good site to talk to people who are going through the same thing. I care for my mom four out of the seven days When it its my turn (we alternate weekends) and the other days we have 24 hour care for her at her home. We are five of us three sisters and a brother and we all took her for a weekend but as she starting getting worse and with her moods swings My sisters cannot take her for more then two days and it looks like she cannot stay in her home anymore even though we have care for her We keep getting calls from her saying she is not at her home and ranting that we need to pick her up and it is getting too tiring traveling from New Jersey to Brooklyn three nights a week and taking her to my home just to bring her back there the next day since then her mind caomes back alittle and she wants to go home again I decided she needed to come live in NJ with one of us and since they do not know how to cope with her mood swings and they argue with her all the time which I try to tell them that it doesnt do any good since she is not going to remember anything ten minutes later I think they are trying to get our mother back and they refuse to accept that her mind is going and there is nothing we can do to change it so I suggested that in September she comes to live with me full time until such time that she doesnt remember us any more which doesnt seem to be too far from now (its getting worse every day) I am attemping to slowly increase the days she stays here until she doesnt remember her house anymore and to tell you the truth I didnt want to ruin my summer (I feel guilty but I know my life is going to change when she is here full time) I am married with three grown children and four grandchildren and I know it is going to interupt their lives also since my mother has become vey nasty and child like (I ask God every days where has my mom gone) so I have to treat her as I treat my two year old granddaughter. I am sorry I am going on like this but any suggestions in caring for her full time would be greatly appreciated.
Your letter really moved me. Read this forum, you will find a lot of answers. I wish you good luck with all my heart. Rossella, an Italian mom-caretaker (who is in the same situation as you are...) p.s. enjoy yourself this summer, as much as you can!
Rosella, I am Italian too from Naples Italy has your mother reverted to speaking Italian only, All my mom does now is speak to my children and husband in ititalian it is soo funny since they dont speak the language and I have to translate to them but when they are alone I just tell them to nod yes to everything and if I am not around if she freaks out just find me.
Well, for me is simpler because we actually live in Italy! She loves to listen to songs from Naples (she is from Salerno) and she remembers all the words (and forgets all the rest after 20 seconds... I don't need to tell you!). I had the "syndrome of refusal" (of my mother's decline) until a few months ago, and I still have sometimes. I understand very well why people do not have the courage to accept. My mother's brother and sister, who are aged but very lucid, have this kind of refusal, that's why they never come to visit my mother. I can understand them. When I feel particularly bad, I take deep breaths.. I go for a walk... Anything that makes me feel better. The only way you can handle this situation is live day by day, minute by minute... Ti abbraccio forte
Hey I am Italian too, forth generation if that counts (Napoli). And NEW YORK, My Goodness I envy you. I sooo want to see New York! Just once before I die. I imagine I will be scared to death, being from a town like Spokane, but i don't care some day I am gonna stand in Times Square, hail a cab not get mugged and ride the Subway! Or maybe get mugged, that wouldn't be awful if I had like a five around some ones and handed it to em and kept the rest of my cash in my shoe right? This is a very good site for support and valuable information on tips and services for elder care for family members, and no one seems to mind it, if you grouse for half a page either...
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APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
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miz
I know it's been awhile since you heard from me. Well this past Saturday my mom had a wierd fall/accident. I found her around 1:00 in the afternoon wedged between the cabinet the floor and the top mattress on top of her. She said she was like that all night..and 1/2 the day. Well I was glad I talked my b/f to coming over with me with the enticement of bbq'ing for him over there. Well we got the top mattress off of her and then slowly got her up. She was befuddled. I knew she would be messy so I took her right away into the bathroom and stripped her down and gave her a bath. Had to clean a bunch of impacted poo out her "ahem". Just thought to myself...well I guess she had to do it to me when I was a babe. I was rushing so it made her a little bit ill and she thought she was going to heave but never did. It's true about what they say about when they have falls, they never seem to recoup and digress. I can see that with her since this past Saturday that she is declining. She no longer microwaves her cold coffee or food nor makes phone calls. I am getting geared for Nursing Home soon. I have the care-giver coming now starting Monday, 4 hours each day Mon-Fri. I still come over on Tuesday and Thursday nights but I may have to go more often and of course Sat/Sun. So I have been filled with Anxiety about this I took off work Mon and Tues this week to go over and observe her. This is the pits but I knew it was going to happen one day. I set up a phone extension in her room, but those new phones are so tiny she can't really utilize it. So gonna get a 25 ft extension phone cord and hook up an old phone that is about 1 ft by 1 ft and has the regular style handheld receiver and the numbers are about 1 1/2 inches big, still don't know if she will use it. I hope it has instant call buttons (preprogrammed) I just can't re-call well that is for after work today.
Okay now for those of you wondering about the bloody mattress. I don't know how my mom manages to do it, but she climbs into bed like a 4 year old ya know with the knees so with all her weight she pulls the mattress more and more over the edge. Well when I came over there on Tuesday I told the caregiver I am stripping down both beds that are in her room. My mom had 2 twin beds pushed together for her and dad. So I stripped them down to the bare bones. Man the layers she had built into those beds. I had a ton of comforters, matress covers and sheets piled in another room that either went in trash or thrift shop or caregiver took with her. I then made each bed up. Her's I put a plastic drop cloth under the mattress cover for extra protection AND THEN I GOT ROPE FROM THE GARAGE AND HOG TIED THE TOP AND BOTTOM MATTRESSES AND THE BED FRAME TOGETHER, and then a comforter and then two comforters on top. The other bed set up with sheets and blankie and comforters in case I spend the night. I also have to get rid of a ton of stuff like Bobbie but not as much as her gazillion books and such. My mom had a ton of clothes in all the closets and every cabinet is packed...oh the Thrift Shop is going to make out good with me. A lot of stuff is brand new.
I'm new but remember your posts as I scanned thru the 2000+ on Bobbie's Grossed out am glad you're baaaaaaack. People have asked about you!
Sorry about the mishaps with your mom. You are doing great!
love,
miz
Miz,
Yeah the mind trips they are the worst. I got so mad at my mom last night, it's been awhile since I have been that mad at her. It's amazing how the Narcissism is still burried in their deep. Well a couple of months ago I had bought an extension phone set. Well you know the phones these days are so dinky. Well mom was holding the phone in her hand like it was 'roadkill' or something. Saying she can't see it (well she is 1/2 blind kinda), and she could not see the right buttons. But I hate when my mom plays dumb like this. If it is life and death you would think you would get your gumption together and try. Well then I just dismatled it and then took it home. Well since this fall I thought I am going to bring the phone back. So I did and set it up again...and heard the same ca ca. So I thought okay eons ago I bought my parents this phone with big numbers okay I will somehome maneuver and set that up, and I did. Well here comes again I can't see it crap. This phone is like 1 foot by 1 foot and the buttons are about 1 1/2 square. Then she holds the phone receiver stupid and can't find the phone. Well that just enraged me. I yelled at her what's the purpose of playing this game? It helps no one and hurts you more. Well I went on to my next task which was building one of those side railings from the bed. Well I F'd with that damn thing for about an hour. Damn them for sending everything we buy to China. I think one leg of the piece was machined wrong and would not fit. So have to take that back and hopefully the next package went through some f*ing QUALITY system so I can put it together. But boy she made me so mad with the old round and round banter. I trully did not think I was going to hear that crap. She is still 1/2 playing the cry wolf schema but in a little different way. She does not like the notion when I bring up Nursing Home. I told her you want to avoid reality, and that only is going to hurt you. I told her how long is she going to be keeping up staying at home. The caregiver is there 20 hours during the week, I come in the evenings every other night and all day on Sat/Sun...I spend a lot of time over there. I only have Mon,Wed,Fri eve's to myself. I know she talks behind my back about me negatively to her negative sister. My cousin's mom is a wierd trip as well. These folks from the 'old country' are really a trial, maybe worse than american old souls. LOL
Anyway what irks me is here I am taking time off Mon and Tues worried about her, and yet when I try to encourage her to help herself so to speak, because if you let yourself just become a slug and let everything done for you I feel you are going to just decline even more into nothingness. Which was the point I was trying to make to her, that if you keep getting more and more helpless (even though I am sure if she really wanted she can use the phone - just like the playing dumb for months she could not turn on the tv and then when I started to turn on the tv and set it to a timer she got to like the idea of a tv in the bedroom and then ta da all of a sudden she could turn it on and lo and behold turn it off). So yeah I catch her in the playing dumb which goes along with crying wolf and poor me crap and it gets my goat. Like what I have read about Narcisissits on another blogsite where the originator had a mother that was a NPD, I remember reading from another poster on the blog..that they are like that till the day they die! I can see that now. I really thought it was gone recently cause she was quiet, but it's amazing what sparks this stuff back. Almost like a matchbook of NPD. WOW! Tonight I am going to treat myself and stay home, will go back soon enough tomorrow.
Oh by the way sailors, does anyone have any opinion on the best "Medical Alert" systems for older folks. I am researching that now for her. I hope she does not waste time and money for me again and plays stupid she does not know what to push! LOL LOL LOL !
its good for people who has thier mind and is careful etc but people like our parents bedrest , need help liftin em up , take em to bathroom and all , those medical button is no good for them .
bless ur herat for doing everything you can for ur mom . yes they like to cry wlof and act like they cant do this and that . dad did that for a while , now he cant do nothing but he can eat . :-)
My mom has calmed down and today she doesn't feel good. Just wants to lay down. I checked her sugar level and it's fine. Come to find out she does have a UTI and hubby went and got her medicine today. I'm hoping she will feel better once that kicks in. What to do. What to do.
love,
miz
dad seems to be ok now after he got treated . am keeping my nose open to catch that smell again .
he was upset at me last night cuz i wouldnt take him to fla to go pick up his 1955 chevolete car , i tol dhim i amnot driving all the way down there to get that car for ya . made him so mad , oh well he got ver it after i put him to bed . whew !!
i hear pa yellin i best go ck on him ,
keep cool !! xoxo
Linda, I agree with you on the med alert devises. Unless they are of sound mind, these things are more of a toy to them.As for the car, by morning, it'll just be something else popping into his head! How's the toes?
Pirate, I got a bed rail for my mom too. I had trouble like you, so I e-mail the company and told them my problem. I was doing something wrong, and a simple answer back from them had me putting it together the right way in no time. By the way, Mom badmouths me all the time. I got used to it. Even though I tell myself she can't help the way she is, I still get stressed to the max and end up yelling at her. I no longer feel the guilt that I used to, because have been the only one caring for her 24/7 for the last 2 years. It's worse than being married!! Hah! I now have a CNA 35 hours a week, and three 6 hour days at daycare. the stress is less, but it still hangs over my head 24/7. It sounds like your mom is getting deeper into dementia. Mine is not capable of walking alone anymore. Nor can she use the phone or go to the bathroom on her own. I don't get much of any help from my 6 siblings, and that adds to the resentment for my situation. My oldest sister is here right now from Virginia for 3 weeks. She lives the furthest away and actually does more for me in the 3 weeks she is here, than the rest of them do all year. Hang in there!
Made MANY golumpki (stuffed cabbage) today. Won't have to cook for a week! YES!!!! Take care everyone.
Yeah they are a trial to you. Funny thing last week on one of the PBS channels there was a show that was talking the biggest percentage of cargegivers is an average woman 53 years old who works and has to provide caregiving service. I made my b/f who is figidity on the subject watch it....and said see they are talking about me. I could not find the name of the show...but found this snippet on youtube
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oS7CxojZIBM
Yes the decline...wow...I noticed she is not doing stuff since this weird fall. The friday before the fall she could still call me on the phone...but now she acts like she can't handle a phone at all, not even picking up the receiver. So I don't know if it would be a waste of time to get the med alert or not. She said when she was pinned under the mattress that she was yelling for the neighbor...but she was calling for Lisa and the girl is Lyndsey...plus my mom's bedroom window is right next to their garage, so yelling the old fashioned way is not going to cut it. I tried to tell her a nursing home she would not have to worry at all, someone would always be there. (I was thinking of her room sharing with someone that is a bit more cohesive). Well when I say all this I get dead looks or no reaction. So it's frustrating because you want to respect them as if they still have wits about them but on the other hand that is slowly going. I think her deal is she wants to die at home,,,and yet in the same bed my dad died in. Needless to say every bed in that house will be disposed off after this ordeal is over. My old bed I checked out has a trace of mildewing on the mattress so that is out of the question for anyone to use, and I don't want either of their two twin beds either.
I will have to watch and see in the next coming days and weeks how she progresses or digresses, if she digresses to where someone has to do something for her all the time, like eating or bathrooming, then I think it's time to take a trip up the street to the nursing home, cause it will be cheaper to have a Nursing home paid for instead of a live in caregiver. Cause that agency quoted me 250.00 a day...that would be 7,500 a month....crazy..compared to a nice nursing home that is right next to the hospital and across the street from her doc for 3,000 to 4,000. Well she may get her wish if she dies before I can get her to a nursing home, but she seems overall healthy ... no cancer, no heart trouble, no nothing except small stuff.
Yes, private care is a fortune. I have someone stay with mom during the day while I am at work. It cost $16 per hour x 10 hours a day x 5 days a week. Luckily mom had the forsight to buy some long term care insurance in the late 90's and it has been a life saver. It doesn't pay it all, but it covers $100 per day.
Mom has her good days and bads days, but sometimes she plays helpless when she doesn't feel I have paid enough attention to her. It;s the juvenile thinking that seems to come back to play in their old age.
Miz, at least you have a reason for your mom's recent behavior. If she doesn't improve in the next day or two, ask the doctor to change her antibiotic. Some of these UTI's are hard to fight.
Have a good weekend all and I hope you all find a little time to care for yourselves.
Love to my fellow "sailors",
Diane
I hope you haven't worked yourself to utter exhaustion. Check in when you have time.
Diane
THere are times when my daughter and I laugh about some of the things that Mother does or says because if we didn't we would sit down and cry. I can't wait to tell her about your Mother & the toothbrush-she will flip out, she is funny about anybody even touching her toothbrush.
My dad has vision loss & I've found stringing rope lighting on the hallway floor & into his bedroom helps to guide him. Doesn't budge if his cane lands on it.
Inexpensive at Target & like stores.
Yes, you have to laugh. Sometimes I feel bad for laughing, but if not I'd sit and cry all day.
going to my old hometown today , my gfriend lives there and there is a party going on for the old hometown gangs . gonna be fun and it ll be good to see alot of long lost friends .
deefer,, my toe is slowly healing , doesnt hurt too much but it feels like it needs to be pulled back in place , wanna pull it ?? lol i can see a ball joint there ewew . ah well one day it will go back in place when i hit it again lol .
ive seen pamela s post just yesterday i think , guess shes doing ok , hope so ..
dad s ok , had to give him xannax last night , he kept stracthin his head and cant stop , sundowners . whiney cryin wa wa so gave him xannie , he is still sleeping , wonder what time he finaly went to sleep ?
granddaughter stayed the nite with me lastnight , shes a blessing to be around . 4 yrs old .
hope bobbie s ok ! hope she jumps in that pool after sweatin all day , its horrible out there ! hot hot and muggy !
you all have a good weekend . xoox
love,
miz
love,
miz
Yes, my dark hallway looks like an airport landing strip with the rope lights, but it really helps.
They had spent 3 years on my outdoor deck so they seem to last.
Easy to install woth duct tape or staple gun tacks.
Another trick I've done b/c he passes a stairway enroute to the hall:
I tooks a cabinet hinge & light wiegh piece of 2" x 2' wood. Square PVC works if you can find it.
It folds up against the wall & stays in place with velcro.
When Dad is up & walking I drop it over onto the stair rail, again, light weight enough to secure with velcro but I may eventually use heavier hinges & brackets so he can grasp it..
At this tim he doesn't need to lean on it since he uses his cane, but it idicates where the stairway is.
Split Level house.
Inexpensive safety things can help.
I had planned to put stair rails along the hallway to encourage him walking, but his Highness nixed that idea. Thinks he is more stable than I do. Says the cane is enough ... for now ... plus he enjoys the *threat of smacking me with it!
*He's a senior Wit Stitch, Bobbie! (I sure like that tag!)
Don't be nervous about doing these things in you home.
I was married to a builder / carpenter. He kind of liked the idea of being a strong, Manly guy & some of his trade secrets were intimidating,
However, I discovered that I could do most of these indoor things myself. with a few "girl tools" from Home Depot
Like laying over 1000 sq ft of laminate flooring. He was long gone by then.
Next pratical idea for Pet Owners.
Rather than fresah toilet water I looked at the water fountains for animals. $35 frickin bucks for an ugly plastic thing.
I purchased several Serenity fountains at garage sales, in clearence aisles & thrift shops.
One is a 3' ceramic tower with an elegant fairy holding scallop shells, the water flows down into 3 shells, then & into a giant scallop shape pool. Has 2 tulip lights for ambience when the timer flicks on at night.
All is low voltage. I have a triple level fake stone one on the deck that the birds bathe in.
All are real bargains! Especially for the animals! A pain to clean but denture tablets start the process.
Good Saturday everyone!
Rossella, an Italian mom-caretaker (who is in the same situation as you are...)
p.s. enjoy yourself this summer, as much as you can!
I had the "syndrome of refusal" (of my mother's decline) until a few months ago, and I still have sometimes. I understand very well why people do not have the courage to accept. My mother's brother and sister, who are aged but very lucid, have this kind of refusal, that's why they never come to visit my mother. I can understand them. When I feel particularly bad, I take deep breaths.. I go for a walk... Anything that makes me feel better. The only way you can handle this situation is live day by day, minute by minute... Ti abbraccio forte
This is a very good site for support and valuable information on tips and services for elder care for family members, and no one seems to mind it, if you grouse for half a page either...