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I. How We Work in Washington. Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services. APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid. We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour. APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
IV. No Obligation or Commitment. You have no obligation to use or to continue to use our services. Because you pay no fee to us, you will never need to ask for a refund.
V. Complaints. Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights. APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.I agree that: A.I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information"). B.APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink. C.APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site. D.If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records. E.This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year. F.You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
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Mom refuses to wash up or change her nasty white shirt. Haven't got as much as Bobbi. Thanks for the laugh. God knows we all need one. Any advice to get her to clean up would be appreciated. She tells VNA to leave. Actually it is more like " Get the hell out of my house".
We spent the morning at the nursing home. My dad sure is getting weirder by the day. He doesn't act like he knows me. He is really disengaging, more every week. I like that he was up, and walking, but he just wanted to sleep.
My FIL got a new room today. Last week he had yet another altercation with an elderly female resident who knows few boundaries. He hates that, and they put him on Ativan. Bad decision. He fell Saturday while trying to play catch with his grandson outside. We watched him go down on the grass. I suggested we take him for a drive, but he could barely get into the car. Once at our house, he could barely sit on the sofa, and just wanted to go to sleep. We got a call saying they wanted to move him, and we said we'd talk to him about it. He agreed. We also told them, "No more Ativan." Hubby called it, "...drugging him for their convenience." And wandering demented residents with little supervision aren't always appreciated. At least dad got a new room on a quieter hall today. Thank God he has an advocate to help refuse over-medication. We have to watch them every minute.
I think I'll press for my dad to be taken off some meds, as well. He no longer needs an anti-anxiety, since he can barely even function anymore. Perhaps weaning him more will give him greater energy? O, it's hard watching him fade. There's no stopping the progression of Alz./Dementia. I hate them!
ss . i agree with you about takin some of the meds away from dad . theres so many ofthem and he s on 2 antidepressions , i thought ugh why ?? he dont need them , at least i think he dont ? im afraid if i tak ehim off of it then he gets wild ? i dont know . am sorry for ur dad , tired ole body , same thing with my dad , all he does is sleep . i kept him up for a while today , trim his finger nails and toe nais while he watch the price is right . i ask him if he feels better he said oh yes i do thank you . he s asweetheart . yes i hate dementia and alz , grrrr
we ladies need to go over bobbies and have her serve us that coffee !! i went to walmart and forgot to get eggs and forgot to ck out the coffee bobbie was tellin me . oh i was upset for forgettin them . i hate walmart ! they change so much crap around and im lost when i go in there its all new to me and id ont know where anything is , grrrr then went to marsh to get eggs and coffee heck they closed at 10 ! and it was 1030 when i tried to open the door , made a fool outta myself . think i ll go have me a beer . xoxo
Linda, you can keep a medication on hand for a prn (as needed) situation, just as the nursing homes do... Ask a trusted health care worker for a recommendation. Just doesn't seem like your dad is going to be too wild and crazy. He's kind of feeble, right? I know mine is. I'm not afraid of a little gruff. It's better than drug-induced stupor.
SS amen to that. I didn't allow any of that stuff for mom. Just Namenda, Aricept and enalapril for her blood pressure.
Drugged to make it easier for the staff is the rule not the exception. CooCoo's nest, as in One Flew over the...
Things are slowly coming together here and at least the heat wave has slowed somewhat and that will make it easier to work on the building.
I leave for the BOAT on the 21st because I just won't be finished before then and that actually take some stress off of me. She's safe in her slip and the Captain and his gf and me will work on her for a few days in Vero then up to St Johns for a new bottom job and then on to Tiger Point for new electronics and AC and then... North through the Chesapeake.
Everybody Please let me know when I am near one of you because we will go to the nearest harbor! I have to learn how to dock this big baby don't I? the more stops the better!
I remember someone saying Charleston and another saying Baltimore Inner Harbor... Can't remember what is what.....
We are finally getting some rain here in NJ. Thank you God.
Bobbie, I pray your journey is a wonderful blessing! Wish I could connect with you at some point. Looking forward to next summer, but one never knows...
Ok., my turn to vent. Just came back from visiting mom in MD. Having a hard time adjusting to the decline I saw. Brothers that live with her are worthless pieces of dirt when it comes to making sure house is kept up for her. Her bathroom downstairs smelled so bad it would take your breath (one would think someone would notice that and do something). Both brothers are hoarders worse than mom ever was. Couldn't find a bathroom clean enough to shower in while there (and I'm not that much of a clean freak). She seems happy though with the way things are. Guess I need to keep my mouth shut and vent where appropriate, like here. I want so bad to pitch a fit. Can't figure out how two grown men can either be that lazy or blind. How mom is cleaning up I have no clue. Disgusing. If I ever have to live like that I want someone to just shoot me!
Bobbie, sounds like she needs you. Neglect will lead to greater problems for her. Like a frog in boiling water, they just seem comfortable. That is sad.
I know. Situation is a little more complicated than that. She is partial to brothers. They can do no wrong. I don't believe they're trying to be malicious, just don't get it. She doesn't want my help. Her mind is sharp as a tack. She wants no changes. If I was to call ss and report the situation would only be worse. She'd end up in nursing home and that would certainly kill her. I keep having to remind myself (taking own advice) that people have choices....things are only going to get worse when she does pass as house is going to all three of us. Brothers are going to want to stay (although they can't afford it), I'm going to want to sell and split proceeds. Hate to say it but it would be better if I was taken out of will altogether and not have to worry about helping to clean up the mess....Hate to be like that. This is the venting place right???
yes bobbi this is a place to vent . bless your heart . i dont know what i would have done if i was in ur shoes . just do the best you can and maybe ur brother needs some education from you , like say this is how u do it . scrub with bleach plz . take trash out everyday blah blah . it prob go in one ear out to another ugh . men men men ! as for the house . if ur brothers wants to stay in it they';ll have to give u the 3rd of it . even tho u said they cant afford it then they may just move in with you . :-) kidding !!! sell it and split it in 3 ways and maybe ur bro can afford to stay somewhere ? maybe they need to find a sugar momma . just sit back my friend and let the courses take its place . we could go to bobbies , she makes one killer coffee . heck we prob could go to ur moms and zoom clean after we have couple coffee s . :-)
Yeah for the coffee! I'm in. (I need to do some cleaning, lol.)
Bobbie, you mean your adult brothers are neglecting your mom? Ummmm, let's see...not only are they not responsible, their behavior is inexcusable. She can't be mentally sharp if she doesn't see how bad the situation is.
Well she doesn't see part of the problem because it is occuring upstiars where she does not go. Downstairs where she is is not a whole lot different (still bad though) than when she was up and around. Being out of state is difficult. Been thinking about writing the family a letter discussing my concerns. Feedback anyone?
Forgot to add that last summer before she was discharged from rehab I went up there for three days and pitched and cleaned. I'm still hearing about the bowling ball of hers that I tossed along with a bunch of other stuff...was trying to make room so she could get around with her walker. Was afraid rehab wouldn't let her go home due to the condition of the house. We were told that social worker was going to check environment...that one really backfired. Of course when she went looking/asking about a particular item instead of bros saying that it must be backed in the living room somewhere (that is now used for storage) they said that I must have thrown it away..such nice brothers..not
Go ahead and pitch a fit sometimes it is called for after she passes charge them rent if they do not move and I would not do the cleaning up all can do it a or hire a service then they will get less money in the long run Bobbie my heart goes out to you may God give you an extra amount of strength-at least you have many friends here wish I could help you you do not live in NY state do you,
Thanks everyone. I feel much better now. No Austin, I live in VA, mom lives in MD. Trying to remind myself to take a deep breath and let it go. Charge bros rent? Yea, that's gonna work. They're not even going to be able to afford the property taxes. Both bros tend to think that if they don't think about making plans for the future they won't have to acknowledge what the future has in store...change and work. Middle bro hasn't worked since 2003 and is now really not hirable (another long story). They don't recognize that with house sold, each would have a nice chunk of change to live off of...just not in that house. I'm the only one that actually moved away and had own family. Sad, very sad. Don't even say it...bros are NOT I REPEAT NOT LIVING WITH ME..OVER MY DEAD COLD BODY!
bobbi i was just kidding . yes i agree i would not not not let my brothers live with me hahaha . u live in a diffrent state and its no wonder ure worried about whats going on in the other state , lord !! you moved away for a reason and prob be the best to keep it that way too . try not to worry too much , worry about ur own home and ur lit famliy and keep it that way . if something happens at ur moms home then ur brothers gonna have to speak about that . u have nothing to do with it ,. ya can only do one day at a time . one thing at a time too . its hard not to worry i know , i worried when pa was living in fla all i could do was pray for him and for his safety . coffee time , my 4 th one and still aint got nothing done around here ....
Did anyone else notice they removed the post numbers? Guess that's so they could also remove our posts without us "noticing." Kinda like the Feds, huh?
mine says 2000. is that what youre talkin about ? i hope they dont remove it ! this is the longest one ever posted on this , :-) its all good . never could take a nap . my mind is running but my body aint , ugh i dont feel good . sinus prob gettin ready to attack me . been cold too , think i shall turn off the ac . and go lay back down , mmm
Bobbi, you vent all you want!! That's what we're here for. Lord knows I do it a lot. You are in a very tough position. I'm sorry you're going through this. And, don't short change yourself. If a third of that house is yours then they need to move out after your mother passes. Either that or buy you out. We're here for you. :)
Ihard -you take care of yourself if you get sick your Dad would be so upset not just for him but for you you are so patient and kind you are the kind of lady we all need for our elders of all the aides we had there were very few that were caring maybe it is just where I live I wish I had a penney everytime someone closed the door in my face even when I was pushing a w/c with my very large husband in it. Can someone else take over for a while so you can rest.
yea i started reading from the start and i kept reading and reading i thought where in the world am i ?? i thought i joined in shortly afterwards . but geeze its like few weeks later there i am . and someone made remarks about how rude we were , its gone too unless i miss it somewhere . hope they dont wipe this thread away snifff .
maxine . i hear you , about someone not helping out when they see me pushin pa around in wheelchair , some would hold the door open some would just let it close behind em . thats when i said #@!$%$#@ . ah there i feel better , they;ll get thier worst crap when they climb in our shoes one day . i took my bath and am perked up a lit bit . soon my husband will be home . mmm supper , how about meatloaf ? i still want some of bobbie s coffee tho . xoxoxo
Why do I feel guilty all the time even though I am here with Mom and taking care of her. Like I'm not doing enough I guess. This damned depression is awful. Anxiety too. Do any of you wrestle with guilt a lot??
i saw a post said want a private line so i click on it uhh they removed it , said its no longer a post , must been somebody givin out email addy or ph number . mmm . dang it i missed it lol . miz ure a sweetheart too . xoxo
By proceeding, I agree that I understand the following disclosures:
I. How We Work in Washington.
Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services.
APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid.
We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour.
APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
IV. No Obligation or Commitment.
You have no obligation to use or to continue to use our services. Because you pay no fee to us, you will never need to ask for a refund.
V. Complaints.
Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights.
APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.
I agree that:
A.
I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information").
B.
APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink.
C.
APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site.
D.
If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records.
E.
This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year.
F.
You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
Any advice to get her to clean up would be appreciated. She tells VNA to leave. Actually it is more like " Get the hell out of my house".
love,
miz
P.S. bobbie, I'll say prayers for your hubby's dad.
We spent the morning at the nursing home. My dad sure is getting weirder by the day. He doesn't act like he knows me. He is really disengaging, more every week. I like that he was up, and walking, but he just wanted to sleep.
My FIL got a new room today. Last week he had yet another altercation with an elderly female resident who knows few boundaries. He hates that, and they put him on Ativan. Bad decision. He fell Saturday while trying to play catch with his grandson outside. We watched him go down on the grass. I suggested we take him for a drive, but he could barely get into the car. Once at our house, he could barely sit on the sofa, and just wanted to go to sleep. We got a call saying they wanted to move him, and we said we'd talk to him about it. He agreed. We also told them, "No more Ativan." Hubby called it, "...drugging him for their convenience." And wandering demented residents with little supervision aren't always appreciated. At least dad got a new room on a quieter hall today. Thank God he has an advocate to help refuse over-medication. We have to watch them every minute.
I think I'll press for my dad to be taken off some meds, as well. He no longer needs an anti-anxiety, since he can barely even function anymore. Perhaps weaning him more will give him greater energy? O, it's hard watching him fade. There's no stopping the progression of Alz./Dementia. I hate them!
im afraid if i tak ehim off of it then he gets wild ? i dont know .
am sorry for ur dad , tired ole body , same thing with my dad , all he does is sleep .
i kept him up for a while today , trim his finger nails and toe nais while he watch the price is right . i ask him if he feels better he said oh yes i do thank you . he s asweetheart .
yes i hate dementia and alz , grrrr
we ladies need to go over bobbies and have her serve us that coffee !! i went to walmart and forgot to get eggs and forgot to ck out the coffee bobbie was tellin me . oh i was upset for forgettin them . i hate walmart ! they change so much crap around and im lost when i go in there its all new to me and id ont know where anything is , grrrr then went to marsh to get eggs and coffee heck they closed at 10 ! and it was 1030 when i tried to open the door , made a fool outta myself .
think i ll go have me a beer . xoxo
I didn't allow any of that stuff for mom. Just Namenda, Aricept and enalapril for her blood pressure.
Drugged to make it easier for the staff is the rule not the exception. CooCoo's nest, as in One Flew over the...
Things are slowly coming together here and at least the heat wave has slowed somewhat and that will make it easier to work on the building.
I leave for the BOAT on the 21st because I just won't be finished before then and that actually take some stress off of me. She's safe in her slip and the Captain and his gf and me will work on her for a few days in Vero then up to St Johns for a new bottom job and then on to Tiger Point for new electronics and AC and then... North through the Chesapeake.
Everybody Please let me know when I am near one of you because we will go to the nearest harbor! I have to learn how to dock this big baby don't I? the more stops the better!
I remember someone saying Charleston and another saying Baltimore Inner Harbor... Can't remember what is what.....
We are finally getting some rain here in NJ. Thank you God.
lovbob
just do the best you can and maybe ur brother needs some education from you , like say this is how u do it . scrub with bleach plz . take trash out everyday blah blah . it prob go in one ear out to another ugh . men men men !
as for the house . if ur brothers wants to stay in it they';ll have to give u the 3rd of it . even tho u said they cant afford it then they may just move in with you . :-) kidding !!! sell it and split it in 3 ways and maybe ur bro can afford to stay somewhere ? maybe they need to find a sugar momma .
just sit back my friend and let the courses take its place . we could go to bobbies , she makes one killer coffee . heck we prob could go to ur moms and zoom clean after we have couple coffee s . :-)
Bobbie, you mean your adult brothers are neglecting your mom? Ummmm, let's see...not only are they not responsible, their behavior is inexcusable. She can't be mentally sharp if she doesn't see how bad the situation is.
u live in a diffrent state and its no wonder ure worried about whats going on in the other state , lord !! you moved away for a reason and prob be the best to keep it that way too . try not to worry too much , worry about ur own home and ur lit famliy and keep it that way .
if something happens at ur moms home then ur brothers gonna have to speak about that . u have nothing to do with it ,.
ya can only do one day at a time . one thing at a time too . its hard not to worry i know , i worried when pa was living in fla all i could do was pray for him and for his safety .
coffee time , my 4 th one and still aint got nothing done around here ....
i hope they dont remove it ! this is the longest one ever posted on this ,
:-) its all good .
never could take a nap . my mind is running but my body aint ,
ugh i dont feel good . sinus prob gettin ready to attack me . been cold too , think i shall turn off the ac . and go lay back down , mmm
love,
miz :)
love,
miz
and someone made remarks about how rude we were , its gone too unless i miss it somewhere .
hope they dont wipe this thread away snifff .
maxine . i hear you , about someone not helping out when they see me pushin pa around in wheelchair , some would hold the door open some would just let it close behind em . thats when i said #@!$%$#@ . ah there i feel better , they;ll get thier worst crap when they climb in our shoes one day .
i took my bath and am perked up a lit bit . soon my husband will be home . mmm supper , how about meatloaf ? i still want some of bobbie s coffee tho . xoxoxo
must been somebody givin out email addy or ph number . mmm . dang it i missed it lol .
miz ure a sweetheart too . xoxo