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austin - I had forgotten until reading your post that were "for profit" hospice providers. (My provider is non-profit and through the local hospital here in Frederick, MD). As a rule i would always go with a NP for hospice (if given choice), but I suppose its like anything else. It is the quality and competence of the people that determines the care received - and I have been truly blessed to have this group helping Mom - and me - through all of this. I called them on Monday afternoon and thee were here Tuesday morning, and have been her every day since.
I would encourage everyone to look into what their community offers before the time comes when you may need it - so if choices are availabe you can make the best one for your situation.
Shoot me now!!! Mom was a disaster with supper, and I just ate 2/3 of an herb and garlic bread I made with olive oil, fresh garlic, and fresh basil, thyme and rosemary from my garden. put fresh grated Romano cheese on top too! I am going to be real sorry later! Msmom, You sound so organized! I'm sure things will be less hectic because you have everything taken care of. I have 6 sibs and don't even get calla from most of them. The ones that I have talked to,agree there will be no service for Mom. Just something private. Don't want to give the useless sibs a stage to act out their grief! All of Mom's family and friends are gone now, with the exception of her children. My dad died 30 years ago when he was 54, so there is a plot for her to be buried, although she had expressed cremation about 15 years ago. Thanks for the info on the Wellness diapers. Ordered Mom a case this afternoon. She has PD and dementia, so incontinence is a given. She usually saves it up for the night. I've been using Abena's heavy duty for over a year now, and she would still be swimming some mornings. I just wish they had the pull-up kind. She may pick at the tapes. We'll see. I'll use duct tape if I have too! Best tool in the world!!! Linda, why are you doing all the cooking for your anniversary? Is your family like mine? You don't eat anyone's cooking but your own!!! Hope you don't wear yourself out so you can enjoy your day. Kim, You are so funny! Hope your foot is not too sore. About 15 years ago I tripped going into the kitchen and did a face plant onto the oak seat of a chair, then bounced down on the rung with my chin. Needless to say, my knees had no skin, I had a split lip and a cut on the bridge of my nose. I had 2 black eyes that lasted 3 weeks. At the time I was working as a shipper/receiver at Old Sturbridge Village and got a lot of ribbing from the truck drivers! I used to tell them "you should see the other guy!" Sorry for all of you who have migraines. My youngest sister and daughter get them. I had one just twice in my life, and never want one again! Austin and Lilli, I agree with you on getting services. Those that have seem to have more pull than those of us who don't. It's a crying shame what is happening to all of us that are living in this situation and we have to keep trying to get the government to see just how bad it is for caregivers, financially, emotionally and health wise. Bobbie, How goes it? Miz are you feeling any better? AnnT, Trampoline for strength? Oh yeah! I will bring Mom and we can all get on and kill ourselves! My mom is like yours. Strong as an ox, just not steady on her feet, and definitely incapable of getting on a trampoline! Some advice is good and some not! Hope you are feeling much better and so glad you had a great night out! Kuli, Hope things are well with you. Jen, got your card. Thanks! can't wait for the pics! I made another batch of peach jam yesterday and will be picking the concord grapes to do more jam this weekend. Got to blanch more tomatoes and get another batch of sauce into the fridge, too! Mom's old daycare, right in town, will be reopening as of October 3rd. YAY!!!! She has been taking a van 2 days a week to another facility that is about 40 minutes away, and it's been hard on her. So being 2 minutes away again will be a plus! Merry likes her schedule the way it is now, so I'm not sure if Mom will be going 3 days again, or just doing the 2. I prefer the 3, but don't want to lose Merry's help. And it would be one less day I have to haul her out of the house and down the front stairs. Some days she will not bend to get into the car and it takes me quite a bit of maneuvering to get her in. Then when we get there, she won't get out! Anyway, daycare is a nice put for all of us, because we don't really take her anywhere too much since she tried to take her shirt off in Taco Bell last year!!! Got to love it! Okay, her pills just rang, so off I go again. Bedtime is around 7, then I get to do dishes and finish the laundry! Might have time to sit on the swing and read a bit while it's still so nice out here.
Hi everyone-I will never get caught up reading the post now 7days behind Miz good for you getting a job-I must have missed a lot-what job did you get? Sskape does your state have a program for low cost meds.NY has epic-I worry about you being off your meds Miz I wish I could get our large am't of rain out to you-we have flooded roads all over the place-our weather is getting better-not as much heat these days-you are all in my thought s and prayers and will try to get caught up. Our church is having a cookout this week using the nice big gas grill they got with the money donated in memory of my husband-he loved to eat so it is fitting. I hope all your burdens are lighter tonight. New York city is on lockdown as much as can be for the anniversary of 9/11. Mazine
oh gosh what a day ! the pup barkd and barked so much i let him lose , thinkin yeah he ll stay in the yard since im out here , well ha dto split the wood by myself while hubby went to tape off some part of neighbors yard , well pup decided to go to the neighbors yard and hubby was scared that he would kill the ducks and chickens , he ran over there and back of his calf leg turned on him and now he cant hardly walk ! its all my fault , i let the pup loose , so im the botch and im a mf , im the every name in the book ! if i dont get rid ofthe pup then he s kickin me out of the house . i said ok just kick me out of here cuz i dont freakin care , whatever !!!! i am so sick an dtired of kissin everybody in the ass and i get a growl in return . yes im cookin and i tld everybody to bringa dish , i take care of the meats , well it got too much juice and it drip all over the bottom of the oven , house started smokin up , what the hell oh shit ! had to cool down the oven to get it cleaned out , the meat is not done yet , hell cooked it over 10 hrs ! it just one big headache , and spent tons of money on this party shit an donly get yelled at and poor hubby s limpin and said tmr is ruined cuz he s goin to be hoppin around and be sore . so im the botch !!!! it be the last damn time i put out a party , will be one more for haloween cuz a guy lives in the city and he wants to have it here , tld hubby i aint buyin no damn food ! i aint cookin either ! im going to lock my house up and go have my own pity party on haloween . bil called sai dthey re comin tmr , said he was going to come today but guy came to do thier roof so he couldnt come today , i thought ohhh thank u jesus ! cuz mil be my shadow all daytoday and tmr , nanana tmr is good enuff . be my luck she ll stay till monday , i am so freakin stressed out now ! waitin for the pork to cool down so i can handle tearin up the meat , im so freakin tired . pa s good today , his ox is low and had to hook him up with his ox machine , poor guy , he keeps saying i dont feel good . damn . im in a emtional wreck ... goodnight u all and have a happy tmr . mariesmom , am happy to hear ur mom was alert today , and slurpin up her milkshake , thats wonderful ! xoxox
Hey Deef! nice newsy post. You sound really busy. Linda sounds like you've had the day from hell, sorry girl. Try to get some sleep tonight and tell the hubby to get some ice on his leg. Tomorrow is a new day, hah I say this for myself as much as for you. I dragged my butt around all day today and I'm headed to bed. Nighty night all you Angels! You to Ann, LOL
I just couldn't resist it I had to go back to the thread about the man worried about his dad falling so much. Boy, that group has a couple of......I don't know what to call them. But I took offense at one who made the statement that she was taking care of someone at night and there is NO FALLS ON MY WATCH, THANK YOU VERY MUCH! (The caps are mine.) Well I'm sorry but I just could not let that go. This is the same site where EC recommended the trampoline. Sorry EC don't mean to be talking about you, but honey, to most of us that is just not an option. I know you were trying to be helpful and I sound like I'm making fun of you, but I gotta get my laughs where I can these days. And as I've said I don't know Jack about the subject so I'm just talking through my butt. So to speak.
Linda, tell them to kiss your shiny white a.. and order a pizza. You stretch yourself way to thin. Sweetie girl, take care of yourself. and BREATHE......
Miz, how's the job? Is it SSK who has the renters? Or Austin? or both? How's that going? I wish I had an extra room I'd do that.
Mama was very talkitive today. She was walking better too. Go figure. My attitude is better so she is responding to that I think. Her arm is healing very fast. I have the Tegaderm on the skin tears so I can look at them without taking the bandages off. I think that little ole lady is really an alien who has super healing powers....just sayin...
Bobbie are you hanging in there? Love you girl. Kuli...how's it going there? Still touch and go? Is it possible that a recovery could happen or is it pretty much just a waiting thing? The waiting is excruciating.(sp?) Msm...how's things there? And Cricket? You holding on? Where have you been ........Oh darn, just forgot who I was gonna ask about. I hate it when that happens. I might as well just shut up and go to bed. Talk to you all later. Oh, who was it that just bought a case of the NASA diapers? How much does a case cost? I have to use two diapers on mom now and she still is wet in the morning. I'm very interested in this. Has anyone tried them out yet?
ann repasted for you dear You can check out the nasa pants at wellnessbriefsdotcom (I write it out this way so it will go through) They will send a free sample. Heres the cost breakdown at todays prices on Amazon (with free shipping) Depends at .90 each Abena at 1.68 each Wellness briefs (NASA pants) at 1.14 each. -- I changed from Depends to Abena months ago. The Abena I highly recommend. I will not be able to properly review the wellnessbriefs, but they are highly rated and have an impressive feel and thickness - and they are a great deal cheaper.
Msm....how many come in a case? I can figure it out if I know if a case is 24 or 36 or whatever. I really do appreciate the info. When I get thru paying my bills, if I have enough left I will order some. I hate for mom to have to sleep in a wet bed and as I said it just comes thru two diapers by morning and her pjs and bed chuks and all are soaked.
Ann, R must have super human powers! Dad fell several times in rehab with alarm on. He can be in the same room with me and it will happen so quick I can't get there in time! Must be blessed to be so quick on her feet! I sure don't possess those powers! We do are best! That's what counts! I dunno maybe she is the original Bionic Woman! Created by the government??? LOL
maybe i ll fall down tmr if i dont get to bed lol finaly got the kitchen cleaned up and cked the mail . thanks for the hugs u guys . heading for bed , got a llong day tmr . nighty night xoxo
Nitey Nite Linda, get a good nites sleep. I sure wish I had super powers, msm. While I'm wishing I might as well wish for some money too. You know that trampoline thing.....you think it might work just as well if I bounced up and down on my husband's head for 20 mins. It sure would make me feel better. And as for R hearing the rustle of the sheets and being there in a flash....my mom's sheet don't rustle....maybe I ought to put some dry autumn leaves in bed with her so I too could hear the rustle and come running. Nah....I don't want to come running any more; been there and done that and got the bags under my eyes to show for it. I just want a good nites sleep and I can't afford to pay someone to make sure mom doesn't fall during the nite.
Guess I better try to get some sleep. Ck back with you 2moro. If my brother comes to watch mama like he said he would, I'll go out to lunch with David. Haven't done that in a while.
OK, RIP - Arrogent Stupid Selfish Egocentric Sibs - there's your "E"! Linda - so sorry to hear you had such a bad day. I hope hubby wakes up in a better mood tomorrow so you can both enjoy your anniversary partee! I'm almost afraid to say that dad's been holding his own the past two weeks. Pain is finally under control with fentanyl patches - taking very little Morphine. Heart failure has stabilized somewhat for now. But as I say, I don't ever take it for granted. He could get up tomorrow morning in full blown heart failure so yes it is pretty much a waiting game. Sometimes I think that if I were in his shoes, I would feel like I'm just sitting around waiting to die. But I don't think that's what HE thinks. He enjoys talking with people and getting out now and then. I guess at 86 you don't expect much more than that. I am actually getting away for a week - going on a bicycling trip with b/f. Dad's sis will be staying with him - she's an ex nurse and always takes good care of him. He's nervous but I know he will be fine with her. He's mostly nervous cuz his memory is so bad these days. I told my aunt each morning I write down the day and date and what will be happening that day so he can look at it and feel like he has some clue. It's sad cuz dad always had such a sharp mind. I know the fentanyl has had some effect on this but he's been slipping for some time. Not Alzheimer's cuz he knows he's slipping and forgetting. Anyway, please know that you all are in my thoughts and prayers whether I post or not. Hope all have a restful night. Hugs, Kuli
Good Saturday morning everyone. Kuli! Kuli!!! Going on a biking trip! You go girl!!!! You'll come back refreshed and with legs like a teenager. Sooooooo happy for you. Perfect arrangement to have his sis stay with him and her being a retired nurse.
I feel good today so far. This morning I narrowly averted a disaster. Mom had pooped all in her diaper and was trying to get up to go poop some more but the restraint keep her in. I got the diaper off without getting it all over the house and her and got her to the toilet before any more poured out of her. Can I hear a big AMEN? and a HOO Raaay!!!! She's cleaned up and back in bed. Says she is dizzy this morning. Probably from the sleeping pill or the percocet or the combo of both. Or maybe I should just sit her on a trampoline for a while. lol! Sorry EC we gotta make fun of something it keeps us from crying and this is just too good to pass up.
Linda, good morning. Glad you didn't fall over before you got to bed last nite. Or did you? Hope this is a wonderful day today and you have tons of fun. Happy Anniversary!!
My brother can't come to watch mom today. He will come next weekend. Oh well. That may be even better for me cause we have something called Arts In The Heart of Augusta down town next week. They close off one street and have all kinds of ethnic foods and craft booths and dancers etc. They even have Irish dancers, Annie. Just local groups of course. But it's a big deal for us here in Augusta. I plan to take my camera, you never know what you can shoot in a crowd like that.
Hope you all are ok today. Feet healing up, siblings told to shut up, renters on the up and up...boyfriends able to get it.....no I'm not going there.....time for me to shut up.
Bobbie...how's it going? Cuz..have a good weekend. Ted, we love you, you sweet thing how's mom?. I was reading an article in AARP Bulletin about caregiving and there was a picture of a man and woman that reminded me of you and your mom. It was a good article.
Watched Dateline last nite about 9 11. Terrible to watch. I feel so sorry for all those poor people in NY that day. I wonder if they watch shows like that. I don't think I could relive it like that. It's amazing how brave people can be when called upon to be so. The firefighters were breathtakingly brave. I cried thru most of it. A good cleansing cry tho. After seeing The Help this week, watching a video called My Sister's Keeper and watching Dateline, I think I've cried out a lot of stress.
Well gotta go get another cup of coffee and a muffin. Should skip the muffin but I won't. I guess the Muffin Top police will have to get me cause I'm sure growing a nice one. Muffin top, that is.
I posted this on the "father keeps falling thread" and wanted to share it here as well.
Annt makes a very valid point - tired and mentally drained or not, and with no disrespect intended to paid caregivers (most of us would LOVE being able to afford a paid caregiver) - but its apples and oranges. Paid Caretakers (PC) vs. Family Caretakers (FC) A PC is doing a job they were hired to do and is being compensated for that work, sometimes with benefits. Most family FC positions are not paid, (in fact it costs families BIG BUCKS to care take - you can look it up), and many must hold either PT or FT jobs outside the home in order to support the family. A PC has another life when their shift ends, same as the person who works on the assembly line or checks your groceries. The PC gets to leave - they get to go to dinner with friends, or cruise the mall, or go on a date, or spend an uninterrupted evening of amore - anything they want. As long as they remember to set their alarm clock and return to their job on time - their time away from the job is theirs to do as they please. Most FC live in the home of their elder, or their elder lives with them. Some are all alone in this - some have other family members around - some have other family members around who will occasionally help them. Others have family members around who resent the time and attention paid to the elder and make this fact known. A PC can take a vacation, call in sick, or quit. Their obligation is that of an employee - not as a son or daughter or other family member. A FC doesn't have these options. Many rarely leave the house, don't have the option of staying in bed with the flu, and know if they quit (which many fantasize about doing), their elder will be forced into a NH (possibly substandard and/or not nearby), or taken by another family member whose main interest is to clean out the elders bank account. Many FC did not CHOSE their roles, but had it thrust upon them by circumstance. They do what they do because it needs to be done, and they have a sense of moral obligation. A PC is not carrying on the necessary, ongoing, and routine work of an entire household. They may make a meal, wash a dish, do some laundry, and the like. But most aren't trying to figure out how to pay the electric bill, cleaning the upstairs bathrooms, changing the kitty litter, or mowing the grass, etc. FC's either have to let these things slide (you should see my grass with all this rain) or they accomplish them when they should be resting. A PC may develop an emotional attachment to the elder (and one would hope they would). But a FC has had an emotional attachment to the elder, in my case, for more than 50 yrs. Sometimes this is a loving attachment i.e. "Mom did so much for me growing up - how could I not do this for her?" Sometimes FC's end up caring for elders who weren't so loving - they were abusive, or absent, or addicts, or indifferent - we still have emotional attachments to be sure, but they may include bitterness or resentment or even hatred for wrongs FC's may even find unforgiveable. A PC does not have this history, or this complexity. I could go on and on about the differences between the PC and the FC, but alas, as a FC my daily priority is my elder - and heaven forbid she has fallen while I was writing this - when I should have been resting. But I learned a long time ago - and I have been at this for YEARS - that it is impossible to watch my elder 24/7. I do my best to keep my elder safe and clean and warm and fed and well-tended, and I strive to do it with kindness and understanding. I can't afford a PC. If I could, the most basic of assumptions I would make about their services is that they would not let my elder fall. In the meantime I keep 911 on speed dial so I can get some assist in helping her up if she does.
Good Morning, Everyone. No job yet. But, I did pass a typing test yesterday as part of the weeding out process for a good job that I have applied for. The next step is a written test. There were over 500 applicants for this job and I don't feel too hopeful but someone has to get it out of all of those people so who knows. I actually got a lot done yesterday. Stuff that I had been procrastinating on. I'm really good at that. We finally got a little rain but not enough. It might rain later today. I peed in a cup at the doctor's and I have a UTI. I was sure I did. Just put off going. So now it's antibiotics for me. I also have PMS. Not the best combo in the world. Hubby and I got out last night for dinner and a movie. We ate at a new to us Mexican restaurant and it was really good. The salsa could have been chunkier but I guess the authentic stuff is not. They serve spinach quesadillas and I love that. The movie was Rise of the Planet of the Apes. Hubby liked it. I did not. I hate to see animals mistreated which happened a lot in the movie. Also, one of the humans had Alz. That's hard for me to watch after dealing with it with Mom and seeing what it does to people's and their loved ones lives. But I do enjoy going out to movies so I won't complain...too much. :) I want to pick the next movie. My hubby is younger and he likes the action packed adventure kind of movies. I go more for the crime drama and movies that make you think. I do want to go the The Help. Oh well. It was very nice to get out. We don't get to do that much due to lack of cash. Hopefully I will get a full time job soon and we can get into a better financial situation. At least we have a roof over our heads and food to eat. Speaking of that I have gained 15 lbs. and refuse to buy bigger clothes (can't afford it anyway) and so the diet starts today. And I mean it this time. Really I do... I love you all and I know how hard it was taking care of Mom and I can't imagine going through what some of you all are going through. We have such a good group. It does my heart good. Love you all. More later. I am always here with you even though I may not write for awhile. Thanks for listening.
good morning oh wait a min its good noon . i posted on father keeps fallin . ijust had to say something cuz not on my watch realy tickled me . since she said it and u watch her watch will be screwed up . never say never . its gonnabite her hard . i agree rustle sheet wow , must be a hard rough sheets , nana no thank you ill stick with cotten or flannel sheets ., my skin loves softy things . ok need to hop in the shower and start the day . dad mumbles mumbles i cant understand him . :( looks like to me he s on his way out the way he s actin . oh lord please give me strenght . xoxoxox
I agree with all of you on the falling! Mom could fall with 3 people in the room. She is that fast!!!! Now, merry and I do not let her make a move without one of us holding on to her. And she still falls an d almost takes us down with her. Thus my good shoulder is now killing me. the one I had surgery on 2 1/2 years ago is doing much better, but now I can barely left my left arm. I am lucky in the fact that Mom will no longer get out of bed on her own, otherwise, I would get no rest at all. Doesn't matter how diligent you are, they still FALL!!!! Linda, try to enjoy the day. Hide out around the corner with your beer and ciggy! Miz, UTI!! Hope you feel better soon. At least you got out for dinner, that was nice. Cricket, I'm always busy and my mind and body are living proof! No rest for the wicked! I have restless leg syndrome, so it is very hard for me to just sit. I have to keep getting up and moving, or be knitting to keep my mind off of the jumpy legs. AnnT, I ordered those diapers yesterday. I think it was 60/case with free shipping. It would be nice to wake up to a dry bed! I just paid the quarterly water bill of $300. Would be nice to save on water and the oil that runs the furnace to heat it. M'smom, Mom's PC has bad days with Mom, but always says it's okay because she gets to go home at night. She has been with us for just over 2 years now, the last being full time. Wouldn't trade her for the world! We think of her as family and are very blessed to have her. Thank God Mom took out LTC insurance all those years ago. Got to get cleaned up and get to Walmart and the bank. Then it's time to make sauce before the tomatoes rot! Hope everyone has a good day!
I posted on the falling thread too! Couldn't help it. Bionic R needs a reality check. That comment was just plain cocky! Ugh
Miz, sorry to hear you have a UTI. PMS and UTI, I feel for you. Glad to hear you got out for a bit. Hope the job comes your way soon.
Linda, have a great day and a wonderful party! Hope hubby is feeling better. At the first sign of trouble, run to the barn with ciggy's and drinks! While running do not fall! Saw your post, it was great! I think it will be great though!:) Keep us posted.
Deef, you have rls too. We must be a lot alike rls, weird accidents. Loved your story about the kitchen fall! That I'm me for sure! LOL do you take any Meds for rls? I take Mirapex. Sometimes it works and other times does nothing! Frustrating, the feeling is so weird. I have even gotten it in my arms. If you have any suggestions I would love them! Have a great afternoon!
Ann have a good time out! Hope brother stepped up for you! Still visualizing your husband's trampoline head! LOL
Liliput, you are a wonderful person. Thanks for your message! It made my day!
Kuli, have a great time biking. Sounds fun! Getting away for a while will be a well deserved time out for you.
Diane, You doing ok?
Bobbie, hope you are doing ok. Thinking about you.
Hey Cricket. Hope your afternoon is going good!
Jen, try to hang in there! Life for sure isn't fair! Sux big time. Your day will come!
Esscentcaregiver,54, Cuz (hope you get some big catches) Selfish Sibs, and everybody else here, have the best afternoon and night possible! Love you all, Kim
Good Afternoon Crew, Yesterday I was driving and came to a choice in the road: continue on to NJ or make a side trip to see Ted. Well I am sitting in Ted's kitchen writing this and we had ourselves a good old time last night and I had a hangover this morning. Ted is sitting here laughing like a jackass and we are plotting a nice dinner at Clawson's. I will stay one more night and then hit the pike in the early am just in time for any 9/11 insanity as I travel though Washington DC.
MariesMom, that was an exceedingly well written piece on the difference between PC and FC. Please send it everywhere you can. Also, I had my mom's funeral and all related issues preplanned and all I had to do was make one phone call. All else was taken care of and the funeral home was outstanding in the fact that I made one call, and when mom died they gently told me what to expect and what to do. One of the very good choices I made.
Linda! wow on the ow! yeegads what a situation! you have my respect for not running away with your hair on fire!
Miz! congrats on getting out of the house to see the planet of the remakes.. a trying story at its best. I want to see The Help too and maybe Ted and I will find a screening after dinner. he's down. Good luck in the job situation and I know for a fact that you would be an asset to anyone smart enough to hire you.
kuli! bike rides eh? my uncle used to say that you have to peddle like hell to give your ass a ride. Cuz! that was Uncle Adrian..... used to crack me up big time. good for you kuli!
ok, everyone I am still somewhat slow so love you all and stay as sane as you can with all of the different circumstances you all are dealing with.
Love you all way more than you'll ever know, lovbob
Hi everyone, I am doing way better today. The last couple of days were rough but their gone now! I went out and got all my grocery shopping done today. It felt great just to get out for a few hours... whenever I go grocery shopping I take a side trip to goof off in the store and just look around. Helps me not to be crazier than usual o,O Miz, I had a UTI when I was a kid and all I remember is it hurt like hell. Get better and take all those antibiotics. Kim how's your Dad doing? Is your foot starting to feel better? Stay away from those 2x4's! Linda, if today is anything like yesterday I'm with Kim on grabbing the booze and head to the barn... only I think you should bend over and moon everybody on your way out. LOL MsM, I hope you and your Mom are okay today. Hang in there the best you can. Ann, you sound like your in great spirits last night and today! Hi Deef, Kuli, Diane, Jen, Bobby and Cuz... Hope you're all having a good day. I am looking forward to the day when I can see the light at the end of the tunnel and it's not a train!
Husband wanted wings - and as he has done practically ALL the cooking for the past month I am making them now. We like them really crispy. My secret to a good wing is to fry it til its completely done, and then fry it another 10 minutes. Then into the Texas Pete Wing sauce and yum yum. This is a ral splurge for us - but dear husband rarely asks for anything - so I try to move heaven and earth to accomodate when he does.
I heard from an old friend who I haven't talked to in many months (on FB) and when she asked how I was i told her about Mom. She has yet to write back. lets see if she does. She is local, and I'd like to think had she told me what i told her, I'd have been over there already with a bucket o' chicken and a case of beer - oh wait - I did do exactly that when her son had his accident . . . and not a swingle family member has even sent Mom a card - much less called. At times it seems the whole flipping world has lost its empathy, sympathy and/or compassion. But then I come here and I know thats not true. Thanks for that.
I either misunderstood Holly when she told me to drop Moms oral sedative to 2x per day, or dreamed it - or something. Either way Moms agitation was grea last night, and this afternoon I had to call Hospice after finding Mom uncovered, naked, diaper off, and one very close to getting off the bed. There was a struggle (did i already tell you this if so please forgive), but she is weaker so I won this round, and after getting her settled and giving her meds 'off schedule' I called the Hospice Hotline. There was no note of a change in meds, she said. I should be giving every 4 hrs. So whatever the mistake - I should have written the instruction down- I write everything down - at least I erred on thw side of too little med instead of too much. After quite some time, Mom did settle down.
I keep all of you in my head - the 2x4 on the foot, the anniversary party, everything. Its like getting letters from home when you are far far away and not sure if or when you will return.
Msm, we are here. I am sorry you are going through so much and no one is helping or even showing concern. Don't blame yourself for whatever that was with the meds, mistake or not. You are going through a very hard time and you can not do everything and your brain is not functioning at it's fullest. And I am sorry, but next time while you are going through all of this, please tell your hubby no. He may be thinking he is distracting you from the bad stuff but right now you need to take care of Mom and you. And I say that out of love. Please keep writing. I'll be here all night. Darn UTI has kinda kicked me in the ass today. Love You.
Husband actually ended up (mostly) cooking the wings - Mom 's meds suddenly seem to have lost their magic powers? As again she was struggling, naked, pulling at the cath about 1/2 hr before next meds were due. She actually howled for the first time in weeks. I fixed her up, washed her face and hands - she didn't like it. Why does this happen after hours and on weekends? I know I can all the nurse again and may do so if this continues. She has quited now - I have done my best to 'tuck her in' so she can't as easily undue it - feel like I should 'swaddle' her. Any thoughts on swaddling the elderly?
msm, I used to put two adult pull-ups, PJ's and a thick robe on Mom when she went to bed. I don't know if that counts as swaddling but you gotta do what you can to keep her safe. That's my take on it anyway.
miz- she has a cath in - so no pj's -and she has ripped open her diaper and in the past her briefs. husband and i are sitting here discussing options . . .looks like I am going to need to sleep in her room tonight- which I'd planned to do eventually anyway. sure wish I had some female backup - all of my daughters over 1000 miles away is just wrong.
Msm. Is there any way you could fashion some soft restraints and fasten her hands to the sides of the bed until the nurse gets there on Monday? I can't think of anything else. My Mom did these things and it always got worse on weekends! Murphy's Law and it sucks! Hugs, Kim
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Msmom, You sound so organized! I'm sure things will be less hectic because you have everything taken care of. I have 6 sibs and don't even get calla from most of them. The ones that I have talked to,agree there will be no service for Mom. Just something private. Don't want to give the useless sibs a stage to act out their grief! All of Mom's family and friends are gone now, with the exception of her children. My dad died 30 years ago when he was 54, so there is a plot for her to be buried, although she had expressed cremation about 15 years ago. Thanks for the info on the Wellness diapers. Ordered Mom a case this afternoon. She has PD and dementia, so incontinence is a given. She usually saves it up for the night. I've been using Abena's heavy duty for over a year now, and she would still be swimming some mornings. I just wish they had the pull-up kind. She may pick at the tapes. We'll see. I'll use duct tape if I have too! Best tool in the world!!!
Linda, why are you doing all the cooking for your anniversary? Is your family like mine? You don't eat anyone's cooking but your own!!! Hope you don't wear yourself out so you can enjoy your day.
Kim, You are so funny! Hope your foot is not too sore. About 15 years ago I tripped going into the kitchen and did a face plant onto the oak seat of a chair, then bounced down on the rung with my chin. Needless to say, my knees had no skin, I had a split lip and a cut on the bridge of my nose. I had 2 black eyes that lasted 3 weeks. At the time I was working as a shipper/receiver at Old Sturbridge Village and got a lot of ribbing from the truck drivers! I used to tell them "you should see the other guy!" Sorry for all of you who have migraines. My youngest sister and daughter get them. I had one just twice in my life, and never want one again!
Austin and Lilli, I agree with you on getting services. Those that have seem to have more pull than those of us who don't. It's a crying shame what is happening to all of us that are living in this situation and we have to keep trying to get the government to see just how bad it is for caregivers, financially, emotionally and health wise.
Bobbie, How goes it?
Miz are you feeling any better?
AnnT, Trampoline for strength? Oh yeah! I will bring Mom and we can all get on and kill ourselves! My mom is like yours. Strong as an ox, just not steady on her feet, and definitely incapable of getting on a trampoline! Some advice is good and some not! Hope you are feeling much better and so glad you had a great night out!
Kuli, Hope things are well with you.
Jen, got your card. Thanks! can't wait for the pics! I made another batch of peach jam yesterday and will be picking the concord grapes to do more jam this weekend. Got to blanch more tomatoes and get another batch of sauce into the fridge, too!
Mom's old daycare, right in town, will be reopening as of October 3rd. YAY!!!! She has been taking a van 2 days a week to another facility that is about 40 minutes away, and it's been hard on her. So being 2 minutes away again will be a plus! Merry likes her schedule the way it is now, so I'm not sure if Mom will be going 3 days again, or just doing the 2. I prefer the 3, but don't want to lose Merry's help. And it would be one less day I have to haul her out of the house and down the front stairs. Some days she will not bend to get into the car and it takes me quite a bit of maneuvering to get her in. Then when we get there, she won't get out! Anyway, daycare is a nice put for all of us, because we don't really take her anywhere too much since she tried to take her shirt off in Taco Bell last year!!! Got to love it!
Okay, her pills just rang, so off I go again. Bedtime is around 7, then I get to do dishes and finish the laundry! Might have time to sit on the swing and read a bit while it's still so nice out here.
it be the last damn time i put out a party , will be one more for haloween cuz a guy lives in the city and he wants to have it here , tld hubby i aint buyin no damn food ! i aint cookin either ! im going to lock my house up and go have my own pity party on haloween .
bil called sai dthey re comin tmr , said he was going to come today but guy came to do thier roof so he couldnt come today , i thought ohhh thank u jesus ! cuz mil be my shadow all daytoday and tmr , nanana tmr is good enuff . be my luck she ll stay till monday , i am so freakin stressed out now !
waitin for the pork to cool down so i can handle tearin up the meat , im so freakin tired .
pa s good today , his ox is low and had to hook him up with his ox machine , poor guy , he keeps saying i dont feel good . damn . im in a emtional wreck ... goodnight u all and have a happy tmr .
mariesmom , am happy to hear ur mom was alert today , and slurpin up her milkshake , thats wonderful !
xoxox
Linda sounds like you've had the day from hell, sorry girl. Try to get some sleep tonight and tell the hubby to get some ice on his leg. Tomorrow is a new day, hah I say this for myself as much as for you. I dragged my butt around all day today and I'm headed to bed. Nighty night all you Angels! You to Ann, LOL
Linda, tell them to kiss your shiny white a.. and order a pizza. You stretch yourself way to thin. Sweetie girl, take care of yourself. and BREATHE......
Miz, how's the job? Is it SSK who has the renters? Or Austin? or both? How's that going? I wish I had an extra room I'd do that.
Mama was very talkitive today. She was walking better too. Go figure. My attitude is better so she is responding to that I think. Her arm is healing very fast. I have the Tegaderm on the skin tears so I can look at them without taking the bandages off. I think that little ole lady is really an alien who has super healing powers....just sayin...
Bobbie are you hanging in there? Love you girl.
Kuli...how's it going there? Still touch and go? Is it possible that a recovery could happen or is it pretty much just a waiting thing? The waiting is excruciating.(sp?)
Msm...how's things there? And Cricket? You holding on? Where have you been ........Oh darn, just forgot who I was gonna ask about. I hate it when that happens. I might as well just shut up and go to bed. Talk to you all later. Oh, who was it that just bought a case of the NASA diapers? How much does a case cost? I have to use two diapers on mom now and she still is wet in the morning. I'm very interested in this. Has anyone tried them out yet?
Love you all,
Ann
You can check out the nasa pants at wellnessbriefsdotcom (I write it out this way so it will go through) They will send a free sample.
Heres the cost breakdown at todays prices on Amazon (with free shipping)
Depends at .90 each
Abena at 1.68 each
Wellness briefs (NASA pants) at 1.14 each.
-- I changed from Depends to Abena months ago. The Abena I highly recommend. I will not be able to properly review the wellnessbriefs, but they are highly rated and have an impressive feel and thickness - and they are a great deal cheaper.
finaly got the kitchen cleaned up and cked the mail . thanks for the hugs u guys .
heading for bed , got a llong day tmr . nighty night xoxo
I sure wish I had super powers, msm. While I'm wishing I might as well wish for some money too. You know that trampoline thing.....you think it might work just as well if I bounced up and down on my husband's head for 20 mins. It sure would make me feel better. And as for R hearing the rustle of the sheets and being there in a flash....my mom's sheet don't rustle....maybe I ought to put some dry autumn leaves in bed with her so I too could hear the rustle and come running. Nah....I don't want to come running any more; been there and done that and got the bags under my eyes to show for it. I just want a good nites sleep and I can't afford to pay someone to make sure mom doesn't fall during the nite.
Guess I better try to get some sleep. Ck back with you 2moro. If my brother comes to watch mama like he said he would, I'll go out to lunch with David. Haven't done that in a while.
TTYL
Ann
Kuli! Kuli!!! Going on a biking trip! You go girl!!!! You'll come back refreshed and with legs like a teenager. Sooooooo happy for you. Perfect arrangement to have his sis stay with him and her being a retired nurse.
I feel good today so far. This morning I narrowly averted a disaster. Mom had pooped all in her diaper and was trying to get up to go poop some more but the restraint keep her in. I got the diaper off without getting it all over the house and her and got her to the toilet before any more poured out of her. Can I hear a big AMEN? and a HOO Raaay!!!! She's cleaned up and back in bed. Says she is dizzy this morning. Probably from the sleeping pill or the percocet or the combo of both. Or maybe I should just sit her on a trampoline for a while. lol! Sorry EC we gotta make fun of something it keeps us from crying and this is just too good to pass up.
Linda, good morning. Glad you didn't fall over before you got to bed last nite. Or did you? Hope this is a wonderful day today and you have tons of fun. Happy Anniversary!!
My brother can't come to watch mom today. He will come next weekend. Oh well. That may be even better for me cause we have something called Arts In The Heart of Augusta down town next week. They close off one street and have all kinds of ethnic foods and craft booths and dancers etc. They even have Irish dancers, Annie. Just local groups of course. But it's a big deal for us here in Augusta. I plan to take my camera, you never know what you can shoot in a crowd like that.
Hope you all are ok today. Feet healing up, siblings told to shut up, renters on the up and up...boyfriends able to get it.....no I'm not going there.....time for me to shut up.
Bobbie...how's it going? Cuz..have a good weekend. Ted, we love you, you sweet thing how's mom?. I was reading an article in AARP Bulletin about caregiving and there was a picture of a man and woman that reminded me of you and your mom. It was a good article.
Watched Dateline last nite about 9 11. Terrible to watch. I feel so sorry for all those poor people in NY that day. I wonder if they watch shows like that. I don't think I could relive it like that. It's amazing how brave people can be when called upon to be so. The firefighters were breathtakingly brave. I cried thru most of it. A good cleansing cry tho. After seeing The Help this week, watching a video called My Sister's Keeper and watching Dateline, I think I've cried out a lot of stress.
Well gotta go get another cup of coffee and a muffin. Should skip the muffin but I won't. I guess the Muffin Top police will have to get me cause I'm sure growing a nice one. Muffin top, that is.
TTYL
Ann
Annt makes a very valid point - tired and mentally drained or not, and with no disrespect intended to paid caregivers (most of us would LOVE being able to afford a paid caregiver) - but its apples and oranges.
Paid Caretakers (PC) vs. Family Caretakers (FC)
A PC is doing a job they were hired to do and is being compensated for that work, sometimes with benefits. Most family FC positions are not paid, (in fact it costs families BIG BUCKS to care take - you can look it up), and many must hold either PT or FT jobs outside the home in order to support the family.
A PC has another life when their shift ends, same as the person who works on the assembly line or checks your groceries. The PC gets to leave - they get to go to dinner with friends, or cruise the mall, or go on a date, or spend an uninterrupted evening of amore - anything they want. As long as they remember to set their alarm clock and return to their job on time - their time away from the job is theirs to do as they please. Most FC live in the home of their elder, or their elder lives with them. Some are all alone in this - some have other family members around - some have other family members around who will occasionally help them. Others have family members around who resent the time and attention paid to the elder and make this fact known.
A PC can take a vacation, call in sick, or quit. Their obligation is that of an employee - not as a son or daughter or other family member. A FC doesn't have these options. Many rarely leave the house, don't have the option of staying in bed with the flu, and know if they quit (which many fantasize about doing), their elder will be forced into a NH (possibly substandard and/or not nearby), or taken by another family member whose main interest is to clean out the elders bank account. Many FC did not CHOSE their roles, but had it thrust upon them by circumstance. They do what they do because it needs to be done, and they have a sense of moral obligation.
A PC is not carrying on the necessary, ongoing, and routine work of an entire household. They may make a meal, wash a dish, do some laundry, and the like. But most aren't trying to figure out how to pay the electric bill, cleaning the upstairs bathrooms, changing the kitty litter, or mowing the grass, etc. FC's either have to let these things slide (you should see my grass with all this rain) or they accomplish them when they should be resting.
A PC may develop an emotional attachment to the elder (and one would hope they would). But a FC has had an emotional attachment to the elder, in my case, for more than 50 yrs. Sometimes this is a loving attachment i.e. "Mom did so much for me growing up - how could I not do this for her?" Sometimes FC's end up caring for elders who weren't so loving - they were abusive, or absent, or addicts, or indifferent - we still have emotional attachments to be sure, but they may include bitterness or resentment or even hatred for wrongs FC's may even find unforgiveable. A PC does not have this history, or this complexity.
I could go on and on about the differences between the PC and the FC, but alas, as a FC my daily priority is my elder - and heaven forbid she has fallen while I was writing this - when I should have been resting. But I learned a long time ago - and I have been at this for YEARS - that it is impossible to watch my elder 24/7. I do my best to keep my elder safe and clean and warm and fed and well-tended, and I strive to do it with kindness and understanding. I can't afford a PC. If I could, the most basic of assumptions I would make about their services is that they would not let my elder fall. In the meantime I keep 911 on speed dial so I can get some assist in helping her up if she does.
love,
miz
i posted on father keeps fallin . ijust had to say something cuz not on my watch realy tickled me . since she said it and u watch her watch will be screwed up . never say never . its gonnabite her hard . i agree rustle sheet wow , must be a hard rough sheets , nana no thank you ill stick with cotten or flannel sheets ., my skin loves softy things .
ok need to hop in the shower and start the day .
dad mumbles mumbles i cant understand him . :( looks like to me he s on his way out the way he s actin . oh lord please give me strenght .
xoxoxox
I am lucky in the fact that Mom will no longer get out of bed on her own, otherwise, I would get no rest at all. Doesn't matter how diligent you are, they still FALL!!!!
Linda, try to enjoy the day. Hide out around the corner with your beer and ciggy!
Miz, UTI!! Hope you feel better soon. At least you got out for dinner, that was nice.
Cricket, I'm always busy and my mind and body are living proof! No rest for the wicked! I have restless leg syndrome, so it is very hard for me to just sit. I have to keep getting up and moving, or be knitting to keep my mind off of the jumpy legs.
AnnT, I ordered those diapers yesterday. I think it was 60/case with free shipping. It would be nice to wake up to a dry bed! I just paid the quarterly water bill of $300. Would be nice to save on water and the oil that runs the furnace to heat it.
M'smom, Mom's PC has bad days with Mom, but always says it's okay because she gets to go home at night. She has been with us for just over 2 years now, the last being full time. Wouldn't trade her for the world! We think of her as family and are very blessed to have her. Thank God Mom took out LTC insurance all those years ago.
Got to get cleaned up and get to Walmart and the bank. Then it's time to make sauce before the tomatoes rot!
Hope everyone has a good day!
Miz, sorry to hear you have a UTI. PMS and UTI, I feel for you. Glad to hear you got out for a bit. Hope the job comes your way soon.
Linda, have a great day and a wonderful party! Hope hubby is feeling better. At the first sign of trouble, run to the barn with ciggy's and drinks! While running do not fall! Saw your post, it was great! I think it will be great though!:) Keep us
posted.
Deef, you have rls too. We must be a lot alike rls, weird accidents. Loved your story about the kitchen fall! That I'm me for sure! LOL do you take any Meds for rls? I take Mirapex. Sometimes it works and other times does nothing! Frustrating, the feeling is so weird. I have even gotten it in my arms. If you have any suggestions I would love them! Have a great afternoon!
Ann have a good time out! Hope brother stepped up for you! Still visualizing your husband's trampoline head! LOL
Liliput, you are a wonderful person. Thanks for your message! It made my day!
Kuli, have a great time biking. Sounds fun! Getting away for a while will be a well deserved time out for you.
Diane, You doing ok?
Bobbie, hope you are doing ok. Thinking about you.
Hey Cricket. Hope your afternoon is going good!
Jen, try to hang in there! Life for sure isn't fair! Sux big time. Your day will come!
Esscentcaregiver,54, Cuz (hope you get some big catches) Selfish Sibs, and everybody else here, have the best afternoon and night possible! Love you all, Kim
Yesterday I was driving and came to a choice in the road: continue on to NJ or make a side trip to see Ted.
Well I am sitting in Ted's kitchen writing this and we had ourselves a good old time last night and I had a hangover this morning.
Ted is sitting here laughing like a jackass and we are plotting a nice dinner at Clawson's.
I will stay one more night and then hit the pike in the early am just in time for any 9/11 insanity as I travel though Washington DC.
MariesMom, that was an exceedingly well written piece on the difference between PC and FC. Please send it everywhere you can. Also, I had my mom's funeral and all related issues preplanned and all I had to do was make one phone call. All else was taken care of and the funeral home was outstanding in the fact that I made one call, and when mom died they gently told me what to expect and what to do. One of the very good choices I made.
Linda! wow on the ow! yeegads what a situation! you have my respect for not running away with your hair on fire!
Miz! congrats on getting out of the house to see the planet of the remakes.. a trying story at its best. I want to see The Help too and maybe Ted and I will find a screening after dinner. he's down.
Good luck in the job situation and I know for a fact that you would be an asset to anyone smart enough to hire you.
kuli! bike rides eh? my uncle used to say that you have to peddle like hell to give your ass a ride. Cuz! that was Uncle Adrian..... used to crack me up big time.
good for you kuli!
ok, everyone I am still somewhat slow so love you all and stay as sane as you can with all of the different circumstances you all are dealing with.
Love you all way more than you'll ever know,
lovbob
Miz, I had a UTI when I was a kid and all I remember is it hurt like hell. Get better and take all those antibiotics.
Kim how's your Dad doing? Is your foot starting to feel better? Stay away from those 2x4's!
Linda, if today is anything like yesterday I'm with Kim on grabbing the booze and head to the barn... only I think you should bend over and moon everybody on your way out. LOL
MsM, I hope you and your Mom are okay today. Hang in there the best you can.
Ann, you sound like your in great spirits last night and today!
Hi Deef, Kuli, Diane, Jen, Bobby and Cuz... Hope you're all having a good day.
I am looking forward to the day when I can see the light at the end of the tunnel and it's not a train!
The first guy said, "I'm a YUPPIE. You know, Young Urban Professional."
The second guy responded, "I'm a DINK. You know, Double Income No Kids."
They then asked the woman, "What are you?"
She replied: "I'm a WIFE. You know, Wash, Iron, Fu*k, Etc."
I heard from an old friend who I haven't talked to in many months (on FB) and when she asked how I was i told her about Mom. She has yet to write back. lets see if she does. She is local, and I'd like to think had she told me what i told her, I'd have been over there already with a bucket o' chicken and a case of beer - oh wait - I did do exactly that when her son had his accident . . . and not a swingle family member has even sent Mom a card - much less called. At times it seems the whole flipping world has lost its empathy, sympathy and/or compassion. But then I come here and I know thats not true. Thanks for that.
I either misunderstood Holly when she told me to drop Moms oral sedative to 2x per day, or dreamed it - or something. Either way Moms agitation was grea last night, and this afternoon I had to call Hospice after finding Mom uncovered, naked, diaper off, and one very close to getting off the bed. There was a struggle (did i already tell you this if so please forgive), but she is weaker so I won this round, and after getting her settled and giving her meds 'off schedule' I called the Hospice Hotline. There was no note of a change in meds, she said. I should be giving every 4 hrs. So whatever the mistake - I should have written the instruction down- I write everything down - at least I erred on thw side of too little med instead of too much. After quite some time, Mom did settle down.
I keep all of you in my head - the 2x4 on the foot, the anniversary party, everything. Its like getting letters from home when you are far far away and not sure if or when you will return.
miz