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Diane - have you ever "bricked' the chicken? You don't need a brick - a heavy cast iron por or pan will work nicely. season chicken and place it in about a 1/2 inch or less of oil (after you've heated it to med high) Place heaviness atop and press it down. Makes for a quick cook and a lovely skin. And you could throw in the peppers and onions to cook around the chicken. There is a wealth of info to be found googling "green burial". I have found out some very important things we should all be aware of in my gathering this week. And forgive me if I have said this before. Most every state has a memorial society e.g. Menorial Society of Georgia. It cost me $35 to join for Mom. Once you are a member you get hugely discounted rates after 30 days of membership - many thousands of dollars - to have a simple burial - and cremation is also covered (though not nearly as expensive to begin with). As for moving folks long distances - it depends upon your location. We will be moved by Inman Nationwide from one of the DC metro airports to Atlanta, where Mom will be picked up by the FH and later on to the cemetery. Both our locations are large metro areas - I am uncertain re service to less urban areas.
Moms NASA pants are here. Wonder if they'll make her feel like a sexy astronaut? -
Christina answered a hug last week she is busy helping husband with a work thing she said...At least I think that's what she said...It is on my activities bit I believe. Hot here AC blowing away. makes me glad I sleep downstairs...among other reasons...average day here...My thoughts to Marie's mom, and especially Marie herself, it may be her time now...You did a good job looking after her, be proud of yourself. Take a the time you need....
A blind man was flying in a small plane when his brother, the pilot, suddenly clutched his chest and died.
After finally finding the radio & figuring out how to operate it, the blind man called for help and was answered by an air traffic controller at a nearby airport.
"You've got to help me! I'm totally blind, the pilot of this plane is dead and we are flying upside down!"
The air traffic controller answered, "I understand that the pilot is dead and you are blind, but if you are blind how do you know you are flying upside down?"
mariesmom: thank you for the info on the Memorial Society...I have never heard of this organization. It is nice that information is made public about funerals. Most people wait to do planning until the loved one has passed and they are in an emotional state - probably the worst thing to do.
Hellooo! Hope you all had a bearable day today. My attitude has been so much better today. I really do have to get out more. It makes such a difference.
So many prayers going up for you, Msm. It's hard to witness their decline. And I think you are smart to make arrangements in advance. I can't imagine how hard all that must be after the fact and yet that's what most people do. My mom wants to be cremated and she has no religion so she is adamant that no church service be held. We have planned a small family memorial service here at my home. My sons will take care of it. I will bury her ashes and plant a Hydrangea over them . She loves that flower. But we don't talk about it. Besides unless she falls and breaks her neck, or hip, she's going to outlive me.
Speaking of falling, EssentialCaregiver, I saw your post to the guy whose father falls a lot. I must admit that it threw me. My mom is very frail. She is just coming out of Adult Failure to Thrive due to poor care before she came home with me and also has pancreatic cancer. But when I saw that you had recommended a trampoline....even with them sitting on it while someone else bounces...I thought...Wha????? Because my mind works this way..I also thought....why don't I just strap her to the hood of my car and drive her down the highway? lol!! Don't take offense at me. My mind is not all there these days. ha! I don't know anything about the lymph system, but I do know my mom's problem is not lack of activity. She keeps me moving all day long taking her to the bathroom and from her bed to the sofa and then back to the bed and then the bathroom and then the sofa.....just sayin....It's a long walk from the sunroom sofa to her bed and bathroom. Tiny baby steps the whole way.
Jen, it's been nice and cool here. Good thing with our air conditioning out of order now. Waiting for an honest repairman to come look at it. May take a while. How's FP today?
Hey Cricket. And Miz. and Mary Mary quite contrary. Bobbie, have a safe trip when you do leave. Hope things get straightened out without too many problems.
Ross, how's Nicky doing?and the other fur balls? Linda, send me some of your energy! All that cooking would kill me. By the way, HAPPY ANNIVERSARY!!! 32 yrs. Wow, I got a divorce for my 30th anniversary. You guys are doing great!
,ariesmom when u said : I'm sorry. I should have checked in and didn't mean anyone to worry. You guys are so sweet and caring. I appreciate it more than you know - and also I'm not used to it. I don't have a strong track record with women as friends .. well once u got here u have friends here and we stick by you like superglue ! u cant get rid of us easy . i have few friends that has no lady friends , cant stand them they say . says theyre backstabbers or think theyre better than ya or try to steal ur man etc whatever they think . ah i dont go for jerry springers crap and i dont need em in my life . i do have alot of female friends cuz they know who i am and im down to earth and stick with the same man for 32 yrs , mariesmom u cant get rid of us you ll have to deal with us lol . we love ya !! am sorry to hear that ur mom is not getting any better . a big bear hug to you and ur mom . thank you for letting us know and plz do keep in touch ... flex ! love that joke ! been shopping to get stuff ready for sat party , going to cook em all friday so i dont have to deal with it on sat . damn it cost so damn much shit !!! ah well it only happens once a year . it shall be worth it . everybody loves comin out here , you all take care and have a easy night . xoxox
Another joke for you...Can you tell I'm cleaning out my mail?
Two Alligators were sitting around talking, and the smaller alligator turned to the bigger one & said, 'I can't understand how you can be so much bigger than me. We're the same age; we were the same size as kids. I just don't get it.'
'Well,' said the big Gator, 'what have you been eating?'
'Politicians, same as you,' replied the small Gator.
'Hmm. Well, where do you catch them?'
'Down the other side of the swamp near the parking lot by the Government buildings.'
'Same here. Hmm. How do you catch them?'
'Well, I crawl up under one of their Lexus cars & wait for one to unlock the car door. Then I jump out, grab them by the leg, shake the shit out of them and eat em!'
'Ah!' says the big Alligator, 'I think I see your problem. You're not getting any real nourishment. See, by the time you finish shaking the shit out of a politician, there's nothing left but an asshole and a briefcase.'
Linda happy anniversary! Hoping no rain on your party! Have fun fun fun!!
Cricket. Foot is better. All bruised up especially on the 1st joint of the big toe which also has broken skin. I can walk on it, but still painful. I can manage to get myself into the worst fixes! Fell backward over a box a couple of years ago and did a backward roll. Neck hasn't been the same ever since! LOL have to laugh at myself. I think I am a pronie. I remember that skit from the old Carol Burnett show.
Jen, I think you are right. Our bodies do sense the emotional trauma that has happened in the past and when anniversaries approach, the body goes into survival mode. Not fun! Stay cool. Hope your hip is feeling better.
Deef, dad has gotten pills stuck in his false teeth! It is frustrating. You think it has gone down for sure and damn there it is! Pill shooter sounds like a good idea. Dad hasn't been weari g his teeth lately. We try to keep them clean, once he had them in and I swear it looked like he had a cavity on one of his front teeth! Yuck, it was just a bunch of stuff that collected on them. When he takes them out we snatch them and clean them. LOL
Diane. No I would never do anything to you! LOL I only seem to drop, trip,electrocute myself etc. One of the guys that worked on the drywall in the garage has been struck by lightening twice! I will never go out even if it is misting! My Mom was the same way. The stories I could and probably will tell about her. I think my daughter is following in our footsteps. She went to get a paper plate out of the cabinet a month or so ago and somehow the plate when coming out managed to scratch her cornea.LOL
Ann, happy you got to get out for an evening. That always does a body and mind good! :) hoping your Mom will heal up ok. That fragile skin is so diffucult. It is like tissue paper. Hang in there!
Miz, No wonder you were feeling even more depressed than usual. I'm in that mode over Mom now. Yes the body and mind goes back to the time everything happened, like Jen was talking about. It is cool here. Don't really feel like we had a Summer because it was so damned hot! Cooler is better! It is supposed to heat up again next week!
Msm, you are in my thoughts! Great thinking on your part! That is one thing that Dad did take care of a few years back. He will be buried right next to Mom. Give Marie a hug for me.
Linda, They do have great food at the Ordinary. Haven't been there in quite a while, but I like their big tenderloin sandwich!
Bobbie glad your computer is back up and running. Soon everything will be taken care of and you can live your dream. PTSD is horrible. I acquired it after my Mom died. I take medication for it and see a therapist. Many ugly events surrounding her illness and with my Dad. Will share more later, it is hard to talk about as you know. Sending lots of love and support your way.
Kuli hope everything is going as well as possible. Hello to Cuz, Rossella,and any newbies! Forgive me if I forgot anyone! Love you all, Kim
trampoline ? uhh ? i cant picture that myself either . i fall off of those trampoline ! i think i ll tie dad to the wheelchair and take him thru the carwash and get myself all shined up too , shall i get lemon wax done too ? i cant get him in the shower and the wheelchair is too wide to get thru the wall and toliet waaaaaa. his hair is getting long and its hard to keep em clean , hopefuly ill get some help soon to get him in the shower . again trampoline for elders , tell me how is that ? how ya get them up on the trampoline ? i would love to see a video of that ,
You guys are too funny. I must have missed the trampoline thing! Can't see Dad or me on one. I think we would both end up in rehab. No offense from me either, just getting funny images in my head and now I am laughing so that is good!
Bout the same here, minus trampoline, keep watch 9 11 footage. thousands of young people died fart pants still here, such is life...death what ever... Another week over, when is it all over?...
Good morning friends Thank your again for everything. No offense meant to the trampoline idea but can you imagine explaining that one to the paramedics? or cleaning the poo off it? or watching the urine bag bouncing along beside? It is a humorous notion. -- Moms very nice and well made pink gown arrived yesterday and it is very beautiful - it reminds me of a dress mom wore to my brothers ewedding - you know the brother who can't be bothered to come and see her even now that she's dying? I immediately sent off an email to farnsworth gowns thanking them for all their help.
Also the fancy NASA pants (Wellness Brief) which are supposed to feel as dry when they come off as they were when they went on. You can REALLY tell they are different from the norm, and where a regular brief holds about 24oz of liquid, these hold 87oz, over 3x as much. But they are also made to help prevent rashes, etc - and landfill friendly. Ironically I won't get to use them now for that purpose - and here I am with a case. I may donate them to hospice if they will take them. The hospital gowns also arrived and they are washing now. Hospice called at 830 they will be here by 11 - ok heres come by ocular migraine haven't had one of those in a while - doesn't hurt but field of vision gets filled with vibrating images like you're trippin - lasts about 20 minutes more later when I get this over with Love you guys
It's about noon here and I'm just plain worn out already. MsM occular migraine? is that a headache behind your eyes? Sounds awful but on the bright side if it only lasts 20 minutes that's a plus compared to how long most migraines last. Those NASA pants sound awesome! Did they cost a lot? Donating them to Hospice is a great idea. Sorry that you have to look at the urine bag with sediment in it. When I took care of my MIL years ago I went through that and it was sad and frustrating that I couldn't do anything about it. My MIL was physically the hardest one for me to take care of because she was obese and had horrible bed sores. I did get Hospice in toward the last few weeks and because of them she was finally able to get some relief from her pain and go in peace. Ann, You sound so much better today. Getting a little break was exactly what you needed.. now to figure out a way to get the same break on a regular basis like once a week? I think that is the one area where we all face a big challenge. We are so consumed with caring for our elders that we end up to tired to take care of ourselves. Kim, your foot injury sounds awful, you poor thing. I'm glad you can see the Carol Burnette skits in it. You are full of grace on the inside if not the outter. I wish I lived close to a restaurant with one other person here.. I would find a way to get there for lunch at least once a week. Hang in there with your Dad girly. Diane, loved the gator Joke! Made me think of those gator tails in a new light though. LOL Linda you sound in good spirits and I can tell you like to cook. Have super fun and have some stories for us later. Miz, I hope you are in good spirits today. I really enjoy your posts! Bobbie, I'm looking forward to your safe return. I think it's great that you can find a better place to keep your boat so that you can have others around you. I am brain dead right now or I would address everyone, or attempt to anyway. Instead I will just say that you are all in my thoughts. Much love to you all. Now back to the.... how was it said? "the life of my dreams" LOL
Annt, I guess you are thinking of those big trampolines. I went to the search engines and found this response from somebody who works with the lymphatic system, but he is really talking about these trampolines: "Lymphasizing vs excercising
Patty the 'Art of Lymphasizing' is to move the lymphatic system very fast, which removes poisons/toxins and pain from the body. Using the Cellular Rebound Lymphasizer is easy, simple and stress free, because your feet never leave the matt when you 'lymphasize'. In Dr. West's book he shows pictures of where to position your hands while doing the gentle bounce to lymphasize any part of the body, and heal it. Jogging on the other hand is very hard on all the joints causing 'stressors' thoroughout your body. STRESS can cause more 'trapped blood proteins' to surround the cells, thus you have more PAIN. Actually using the Cellular Rebound Lymphasizer gives you a much better work out then jogging or using anyother type of excerising equipment, because internally you create a 'cellular massage' which will increase circulation, break up blockages, open blood vessels, greatly improve lymphatic drainage, improve the efficiency of the thyroid, edocrine and adrenal systems, strengthen muscles/bones, improve the immune system which fights disease, reverse the symptoms of aging and reducing stress. Strong cells are more resistant to viruses and bacteria. While lymphasizing, all 75 trillion cells flex nearly 100 times per minute, cell by cell, strengthening the body from the inside out!"
In other words - it is not just for the gym. The thing is that even the most frail person can greatly benefit from sitting on it or even be reclined on it, while somebody gently bounces for them. The bar helps anyone to hold on for support if they can do their own bouncing.
Go to Amazon.com and look what they look like. Look either under mini trampoline or under Rebounder. You can find lots of info. Of course most talk about the exercise part that involves jumping off the mat, but that is not needed. It is the bounce that invigorates the cells and the lymphatic system. It is very relaxing. I bounce at least 30 minutes a day or longer while watching a movie or some other DVD. It is not tiring at all.
Interestingly enough, you can find tons of info on the blood stream but relatively little about the lymphatic system, although we have a lot more lymph fluid than blood and it is even more important than blood because lymphatic fluid actually cleans the blood and brings oxygen to the cells. I read someplace how, when people go into shock, it is the lymphatic system that shuts down and literally has the people die of lack of oxygen.
I have seen very frail people regain strength and balance, including my husband as well as myself be more balanced, using the mini trampoline.
Ocular migraines are painless, temporary visual disturbances that can affect one or both eyes. Though they can be frightening,(especially the 1st time!) ocular migraines typically are harmless and self-resolve without medication within 20 to 30 minutes. You see flashing, traveling, lights and colors - like a moving neon sign.
You can check out the nasa pants at wellnessbriefsdotcom (I write it out this way so it will go through) They will send a free sample. Heres the cost breakdown at todays prices on Amazon (with free shipping) Depends at .90 each Abena at 1.68 each Wellness briefs (NASA pants) at 1.14 each. -- I changed from Depends to Abena months ago. The Abena I highly recommend. I will not be able to properly review the wellnessbriefs, but they are highly rated and have an impressive feel and thickness - and they are a great deal cheaper.
Hospice is gone for the weekend - except the social worker Jodi will be here this afternoon to help ensure my ducks are are lined up. I am going to try and tempt mom with a vanilla milkshake in a minute - she always loved those.
Msm: I have had those the "flashing lights" in the corners of my eyes for weeks. Thought it was a flashback to my disco days! I do not get a headache from them, just the wavy lines in really cool designs.
I was just saying to the hub last night that our bodies give us small signals that something is awry...then, bigger things...then POW! I am trying to avoid the POW part. Every health thing I have had over the last year I can attribute to stress. After three years, I cannot even remember what it is like to be truly calm and healthy. For me, it is the "waiting for the next shoe to drop." I will have a few great days, then another crisis rears its ugly head and I am in the middle of the chaos again. So many lovely forum members have suggested detaching...and I am trying...but how do you do that when your sib is out to lunch (or chooses to be out to lunch) and leaves you hanging with a weepy Mom who just cannot understand why all the bad things in the world are happening "only to her?" I think most caregivers here are not equipped with that internal switch that allows our sibs to just look the other way and still sleep at night. So, I just end up jumping into the fray. The latest thing is having my sib get snotty with Mom's medical caregivers and nurses - just blows up at them then they call me in shock. I used to make excuses, now I just say, "next time that happens, just walk away or hang up!" I have to take the advice that I give others. If I were not here, what would happen to Mom? She would find someone else to pick up the slack...that's what. This forum has been my safety net for two years. I have never witnessed such an outpouring of support and advice from folks who have the least time to spare. So to ya'll I say, THANK YOU....
Selifish arrogant siblings. Last night my best friend, who she is a nurse in California 3000 miles away who cared for her Mom when she was dying and took her clear across country on Amtrak so she could die at home, raged and wept when I read my brother's email responses to their momthers impending death. She can't even imagine their coldness and contempt for their dying mother. She knew my brothers and my Mom well and knows there is no excuse fo this.
I find not a little irony that there is a Hurricane Maria "fixin to" be born. Two of my daughters have Maria, Marissa, as their middle names in tribute to my Marie. Thus, my sorry bother the hurricane expert weatherman who makes his living in part tracking hurricanes, must be feeling extremely put-upon just now to have this storm named after his mother, be the focus of his work for the last several days and a number of days to come. I wish no harm to anyone, but it would be karma indeed should it head for the gulf and up through Texas and take off the roof of his house.
Msm. I have ocular migraines too. Annoying to say the least because it is so difficult to see! I have also experienced hemiplegic migraines. Those are really scary, because at least in my case, I lose speech. They don't happen very often which is a blessing! Hope your Mom will drink some of that milkshake. You are a great daughter! When my Mom was near the end, the only thing she wanted was an Icee. Wouldn't you know, I went everywhere to try to find one for her and there wasn't one to be found. After she passed, I saw them everywhere. Still feel horrible I couldn't find one. Every time I see an Icee machine I flashback. Hang in there! I know this is akin to a nightmare that feels as if you can't wake from! Sending love and hugs your way! Kim
In my family, men are not raised to be caregivers. That is "woman's work." So I am not at all surprised when my male family members do not step up to help (just witnessed this not too long ago.) Unfortunately, it was their mothers who perpetuated this sense of entitlement. So listen up, young mothers who are raising sons: treat your daughters and your sons equally. Teach them both that the caregiving is an equal opportunity event and that all the children in the family need to work toghether to help their aging family members. Parents, do not place the burden on one child just because they step up to the plate. And for heavens sake, stop enabling the negligent kid (and there is always one in the family) by giving him or her money and a place to live until they turn 60! Put that money in the bank for your future. Part 2 of this scenario is: Plan for your own future and elderhood so that you are not dependent on your children. These are the only ways that I can see to break the chain.
Msm: a little "Wizard of Oz" justice for your bro just might be the ticket :o)
Msm, my mil used to have ocular migraines. She would have to go to bed with a cool cloth over her eyes, no pain just the light show. I scared the mess out of her. Her Dr never gave her a reason for or if he did she didn't understand it. Wow, I can see how you would think they are flash backs, Lilly. My son would think it was LSD flash backs. lol!
EC, all that on the Rebounder sounds interesting. I'll have to ck it out. Not for mom, she would hate it. Doesn't like to be bounced around. You must excuse our teasing about it. What studies have been done on the effects of this? Has it been written up in JAMA? Or why don't I just do what you said and look it up on the internet....Duh.... I've forgotten what your situation is. Is it your mother or father you are taking care of? I have a friend who is only 45 and she has had to be caregiver for her mom for a few years and then now sher son who has numerous mental problems. It's very wearing on her. She was one of the girls I went out with Wed nite. Her son follows her around the house all day now and he's a big guy. 17 yrs old and 250lbs. His meds make him crave food constantly. The other friend I went with had cared for her mom for a year and a half until she died. So we did a lot of caregiver talking.
Kim, how the ole foot today? How's the garage coming along? Getting sheetrock up is a big step forward.
Annie.....miss you. How's your Mum? Rossella.....Hey there. Love you both. Have you noticed that I usually mention you too together? I think it makes me feel very cosmo to have European friends. Maybe I should start carrying a small dog under my arm and pretend I have money.
Miz, Austin,SS and SSK..how's it going?
Think I go read awhile. Mom's sleeping off a percocet now and it's quiet. Dean Koontz..'The Darkest Evening of the Year'...anybody read it?
MsM ~ Appropriate acronym: Arrogant Stupid Selfifh Siblings. I added stupid so we wouldn't conflict with our Selfish Sibling, plus it make them plural Asses ... OK we need an "E".
lilliput i totally agree. When we were small dad came in as mom was teaching my older brother and i how to was dishes. Dad said "no son of mine is going to wash dishes" Mom said "If he's not washing dishes, she's not either." Until my dad passed away, (I was 33), I was never allowed to wash a dish in their house.
Hi Lilliput. I don't have siblings. That might be a good thing! I always wished that I had at least one. On the other hand, I do have a husband of 30 years who helps me out a great deal. My daughter helps too. She is only 16, but doesn't have an attitude. She wants to help when possible. My Mom had four brothers and she cared for both her Mom and Dad. I remember how frustrated she got with them and then after the funerals were over, they would always be there to get their hands on everything they could! It was a sad thing to witness. I think a lot of it is how male vs female children are raised. We are supposed to be the nurturing caregiver...blah, blah,blah. I know my Dad was brought up that way! Maybe there is hope in the next generations! Hugs to you, Kim
Hi Ann. My foot is getting better. Thanks for asking. Geez, it doesn't take much for me to get into fix! LOL Ron is off tonight. We are going back out and do more work today. Not much left now. Dad fell last night when he was getting into his aerobed. I should probably say it was this morning. He didn't get hurt, but scared us to death! He will be in the garage with paintbrush again today! Keeps him busy even though he really just makes a stroke here or there. I will feel better when he is there. It is attached to the house right off the sunroom, and all flat. I will be spending a lot of time there. Also if need be I can sleep in the sunroom and be right there. We will see how it goes! Gonna have baby monitors in there so I can hear every little thing. Rehab suggested a camera. Maybe I will get one of those teddybear cams! LOL Hope your Mom is healing! Give her a hug for me. So happy you got out for a bit! Wish me luck in the garage! I need it! LOL Love and hugs, Kim
Kim, you bringing up family members being there after funerals to grab all they can - seems to be much more common than one would think. I've seen it so many times. And no matter what some people get, they still feel cheated, accusing others of getting more.
Inheriting brings out the worst in so many people. I'm sure , unless it's already done, one could write volumes about that aspect of life. I must say, my children, after their dad died, did not come to "get". Maybe the good example we set at the time when my husband's mother died, and again his uncle died, but actually I think it was the bad example the other siblings set that taught my children to stay out of the way.
I'm not sure though if it is male vs female children and how they are raised. I think it's an equal opportunity behavior.
Yet, it is usually the daughters who look after parents. It seems to be expected. When my mother developed dementia and could no longer live on her own, the wives and one husband stated categorically that they would not have her in their homes. (and my mom was a sweet woman, always appeasing and looking how to make things right). My husband on the other hand said that "of course we take her in. Wouldn't we want to have somebody welcome us if in such a situation." and so, we uprooted her from Germany and brought her to California where she didn't speak the language and all was so different for her.
The story about Vanilla Shake and Icee brought back memories, too. I could always appease my mom with a banana. I'd ask if she wanted a banana and her response always was "oh yes, a banana is always good." I could do that 3 -4 times a day and she still was happy with a banana. :-)
If indeed we are here on earth to have "experiences" I guess we all have ours and can look back, knowing we did the very best we knew how.
Happy Friday. Treat yourselves to something fun. (Hmm, maybe an Icee? haven't had one of those in ages.) Margarete
Hi everyone Mariesmom great hospice is working for you it should-the suits in Washington do not get it Hospice saves money and stress on families. To those hitting your head against the wall start calling your local policticians usually their name and phone numbers are in your local phone book and tell them what you are going through from the supervisor of your town all the way to your govenor -somebody out there should care enough to help you I learned not to take no as the final answer when I saw a lady I knew get weeks of home care and she had lots of family members in her home to help and I was cut off real fast for home care for my husband same agency same town I said WTF not but should have-it was not fair at all-I have seen hospice careing for residents in nursing homes where the families had no stress to deal with and could have afforded help for thier while a neighbor took care of her elderly very ill mother with a feeding tube alone. Why does it take a celeberty with an illness to get the word out-it gets me so angery.
Jodie the SW came and we sat and chatted for about an hour and Mom then woke up and actually 'engaged' as much shes done in recent memory. Itolde stories about how mom spent so much time caring for her Mom and dad and MIL and SIL and even my eldest daughter, and Mom seemed to understand and looked us in the eye and smiled and tried to speak. I took the opportunity to blend mom up a shake with her fav butter pecan ice cream - and she drank some - about 4 oz and thats more than she's had in almost 2 days. And the suns just come out so its a good moment. I am grateful for this moment.
195Austin: Yes! I could not agree more. When you become a caregiver you learn really fast to not take no for an answer - or to keep knocking on doors until they get tired of hearing from you. Some folks in the forum have been surprised when I posted that there are usually several companies in your town that do hospice care - not one. Usually, the hospital or doctor recommends one, so they think that's it. Unfortunately, they may be steering you to the one owned by the hospital, not necessarily the best one. I have better luck by asking a friend or relative (or other residents at an ALF or NH) which company they use. Then I call the director with a list of questions. I have gotten pretty good results doing this. Also, the people they send over can steer you to services that you might not know about. Every state views hospice differently. And, like everything else, not all companies are good at what they do. So you still have to do some leg work. But it is worth it. As you mentioned above, it really is the "squeaky wheel" syndrome. I can't begin to tell you how much time I spend on the phone tracking down services for my Mom. And I have been told "no" on more than one occasion but still ended up getting her the services she needed. And you are correct - it should not be this difficult. What if every family caregiver took a month off and handed over the care to the "state?" Washington will never get it - most gov. officials are wealthy enough to not have to deal with scrambling for services.
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Diane - have you ever "bricked' the chicken? You don't need a brick - a heavy cast iron por or pan will work nicely. season chicken and place it in about a 1/2 inch or less of oil (after you've heated it to med high) Place heaviness atop and press it down. Makes for a quick cook and a lovely skin. And you could throw in the peppers and onions to cook around the chicken.
There is a wealth of info to be found googling "green burial".
I have found out some very important things we should all be aware of in my gathering this week. And forgive me if I have said this before. Most every state has a memorial society e.g. Menorial Society of Georgia. It cost me $35 to join for Mom. Once you are a member you get hugely discounted rates after 30 days of membership - many thousands of dollars - to have a simple burial - and cremation is also covered (though not nearly as expensive to begin with). As for moving folks long distances - it depends upon your location. We will be moved by Inman Nationwide from one of the DC metro airports to Atlanta, where Mom will be picked up by the FH and later on to the cemetery. Both our locations are large metro areas - I am uncertain re service to less urban areas.
Moms NASA pants are here. Wonder if they'll make her feel like a sexy astronaut?
-
Hot here AC blowing away. makes me glad I sleep downstairs...among other reasons...average day here...My thoughts to Marie's mom, and especially Marie herself, it may be her time now...You did a good job looking after her, be proud of yourself. Take a the time you need....
The Blind Pilot
What a predicament to find yourself in!
A blind man was flying in a small plane when his brother, the pilot, suddenly clutched his chest and died.
After finally finding the radio & figuring out how to operate it, the blind man called for help and was answered by an air traffic controller at a nearby airport.
"You've got to help me! I'm totally blind, the pilot of this plane is dead and we are flying upside down!"
The air traffic controller answered, "I understand that the pilot is dead and you are blind, but if you are blind how do you know you are flying upside down?"
"Because I have shit running up my neck!"
So many prayers going up for you, Msm. It's hard to witness their decline. And I think you are smart to make arrangements in advance. I can't imagine how hard all that must be after the fact and yet that's what most people do. My mom wants to be cremated and she has no religion so she is adamant that no church service be held. We have planned a small family memorial service here at my home. My sons will take care of it. I will bury her ashes and plant a Hydrangea over them . She loves that flower. But we don't talk about it. Besides unless she falls and breaks her neck, or hip, she's going to outlive me.
Speaking of falling, EssentialCaregiver, I saw your post to the guy whose father falls a lot. I must admit that it threw me. My mom is very frail. She is just coming out of Adult Failure to Thrive due to poor care before she came home with me and also has pancreatic cancer. But when I saw that you had recommended a trampoline....even with them sitting on it while someone else bounces...I thought...Wha????? Because my mind works this way..I also thought....why don't I just strap her to the hood of my car and drive her down the highway? lol!! Don't take offense at me. My mind is not all there these days. ha! I don't know anything about the lymph system, but I do know my mom's problem is not lack of activity. She keeps me moving all day long taking her to the bathroom and from her bed to the sofa and then back to the bed and then the bathroom and then the sofa.....just sayin....It's a long walk from the sunroom sofa to her bed and bathroom. Tiny baby steps the whole way.
Jen, it's been nice and cool here. Good thing with our air conditioning out of order now. Waiting for an honest repairman to come look at it. May take a while. How's FP today?
Hey Cricket. And Miz. and Mary Mary quite contrary. Bobbie, have a safe trip when you do leave. Hope things get straightened out without too many problems.
Ross, how's Nicky doing?and the other fur balls?
Linda, send me some of your energy! All that cooking would kill me. By the way, HAPPY ANNIVERSARY!!! 32 yrs. Wow, I got a divorce for my 30th anniversary. You guys are doing great!
Love you all. Going to watch a little TV now.
TTYL
Ann
well once u got here u have friends here and we stick by you like superglue ! u cant get rid of us easy . i have few friends that has no lady friends , cant stand them they say . says theyre backstabbers or think theyre better than ya or try to steal ur man etc whatever they think . ah i dont go for jerry springers crap and i dont need em in my life . i do have alot of female friends cuz they know who i am and im down to earth and stick with the same man for 32 yrs , mariesmom u cant get rid of us you ll have to deal with us lol . we love ya !!
am sorry to hear that ur mom is not getting any better . a big bear hug to you and ur mom . thank you for letting us know and plz do keep in touch ...
flex ! love that joke !
been shopping to get stuff ready for sat party , going to cook em all friday so i dont have to deal with it on sat . damn it cost so damn much shit !!! ah well it only happens once a year . it shall be worth it . everybody loves comin out here ,
you all take care and have a easy night . xoxox
Two Alligators were sitting around talking, and the smaller alligator
turned to the bigger one & said, 'I can't understand how you can be so much bigger than me. We're the same age; we were the same size as kids. I just don't
get it.'
'Well,' said the big Gator, 'what have you been eating?'
'Politicians, same as you,' replied the small Gator.
'Hmm. Well, where do you catch them?'
'Down the other side of the swamp near the parking lot by the Government
buildings.'
'Same here. Hmm. How do you catch them?'
'Well, I crawl up under one of their Lexus cars & wait for one to unlock
the car door. Then I jump out, grab them by the leg, shake the shit out of them
and eat em!'
'Ah!' says the big Alligator, 'I think I see your problem. You're not
getting any real nourishment. See, by the time you finish shaking the shit
out of a politician, there's nothing left but an asshole and a briefcase.'
Flex
Linda happy anniversary! Hoping no rain on your party! Have fun fun fun!!
Cricket. Foot is better. All bruised up especially on the 1st joint of the big toe which also has broken skin. I can walk on it, but still painful. I can manage to get myself into the worst fixes! Fell backward over a box a couple of years ago and did a backward roll. Neck hasn't been the same ever since! LOL have to laugh at myself. I think I am a pronie. I remember that skit from the old Carol Burnett show.
Jen, I think you are right. Our bodies do sense the emotional trauma that has happened in the past and when anniversaries approach, the body goes into survival mode. Not fun! Stay cool. Hope your hip is feeling better.
Deef, dad has gotten pills stuck in his false teeth! It is frustrating. You think it has gone down for sure and damn there it is! Pill shooter sounds like a good idea. Dad hasn't been weari g his teeth lately. We try to keep them clean, once he had them in and I swear it looked like he had a cavity on one of his front teeth! Yuck, it was just a bunch of stuff that collected on them. When he takes them out we snatch them and clean them. LOL
Diane. No I would never do anything to you! LOL I only seem to drop, trip,electrocute myself etc. One of the guys that worked on the drywall in the garage has been struck by lightening twice! I will never go out even if it is misting! My Mom was the same way. The stories I could and probably will tell about her. I think my daughter is following in our footsteps. She went to get a paper plate out of the cabinet a month or so ago and somehow the plate when coming out managed to scratch her cornea.LOL
Ann, happy you got to get out for an evening. That always does a body and mind good! :) hoping your Mom will heal up ok. That fragile skin is so diffucult. It is like tissue paper. Hang in there!
Miz, No wonder you were feeling even more depressed than usual. I'm in that mode over Mom now. Yes the body and mind goes back to the time everything happened, like Jen was talking about. It is cool here. Don't really feel like we had a Summer because it was so damned hot! Cooler is better! It is supposed to heat up again next week!
Msm, you are in my thoughts! Great thinking on your part! That is one thing that Dad did take care of a few years back. He will be buried right next to Mom. Give Marie a hug for me.
Linda, They do have great food at the Ordinary. Haven't been there in quite a while, but I like their big tenderloin sandwich!
Bobbie glad your computer is back up and running. Soon everything will be taken care of and you can live your dream. PTSD is horrible. I acquired it after my Mom died. I take medication for it and see a therapist. Many ugly events surrounding her illness and with my Dad. Will share more later, it is hard to talk about as you know. Sending lots of love and support your way.
Kuli hope everything is going as well as possible. Hello to Cuz, Rossella,and any newbies! Forgive me if I forgot anyone! Love you all, Kim
uhh ? i cant picture that myself either . i fall off of those trampoline !
i think i ll tie dad to the wheelchair and take him thru the carwash and get myself all shined up too , shall i get lemon wax done too ? i cant get him in the shower and the wheelchair is too wide to get thru the wall and toliet waaaaaa. his hair is getting long and its hard to keep em clean , hopefuly ill get some help soon to get him in the shower .
again trampoline for elders , tell me how is that ? how ya get them up on the trampoline ? i would love to see a video of that ,
Funny jokes Diane! Thanks
Another week over, when is it all over?...
Thank your again for everything. No offense meant to the trampoline idea but can you imagine explaining that one to the paramedics? or cleaning the poo off it? or watching the urine bag bouncing along beside? It is a humorous notion.
--
Moms very nice and well made pink gown arrived yesterday and it is very beautiful - it reminds me of a dress mom wore to my brothers ewedding - you know the brother who can't be bothered to come and see her even now that she's dying?
I immediately sent off an email to farnsworth gowns thanking them for all their help.
Also the fancy NASA pants (Wellness Brief) which are supposed to feel as dry when they come off as they were when they went on. You can REALLY tell they are different from the norm, and where a regular brief holds about 24oz of liquid, these hold 87oz, over 3x as much. But they are also made to help prevent rashes, etc - and landfill friendly. Ironically I won't get to use them now for that purpose - and here I am with a case. I may donate them to hospice if they will take them.
The hospital gowns also arrived and they are washing now. Hospice called at 830 they will be here by 11 - ok heres come by ocular migraine haven't had one of those in a while - doesn't hurt but field of vision gets filled with vibrating images like you're trippin - lasts about 20 minutes more later when I get this over with
Love you guys
Hospice is coming in a bit - the aid is bringing backup to help change Mom as she fights so. Her sense of modesty has not left her.
have a good day all.
Those NASA pants sound awesome! Did they cost a lot? Donating them to Hospice is a great idea. Sorry that you have to look at the urine bag with sediment in it. When I took care of my MIL years ago I went through that and it was sad and frustrating that I couldn't do anything about it. My MIL was physically the hardest one for me to take care of because she was obese and had horrible bed sores. I did get Hospice in toward the last few weeks and because of them she was finally able to get some relief from her pain and go in peace.
Ann, You sound so much better today. Getting a little break was exactly what you needed.. now to figure out a way to get the same break on a regular basis like once a week? I think that is the one area where we all face a big challenge. We are so consumed with caring for our elders that we end up to tired to take care of ourselves.
Kim, your foot injury sounds awful, you poor thing. I'm glad you can see the Carol Burnette skits in it. You are full of grace on the inside if not the outter. I wish I lived close to a restaurant with one other person here.. I would find a way to get there for lunch at least once a week. Hang in there with your Dad girly.
Diane, loved the gator Joke! Made me think of those gator tails in a new light though. LOL
Linda you sound in good spirits and I can tell you like to cook. Have super fun and have some stories for us later.
Miz, I hope you are in good spirits today. I really enjoy your posts!
Bobbie, I'm looking forward to your safe return. I think it's great that you can find a better place to keep your boat so that you can have others around you.
I am brain dead right now or I would address everyone, or attempt to anyway. Instead I will just say that you are all in my thoughts. Much love to you all. Now back to the.... how was it said? "the life of my dreams" LOL
I went to the search engines and found this response from somebody who works with the lymphatic system, but he is really talking about these trampolines:
"Lymphasizing vs excercising
Patty the 'Art of Lymphasizing' is to move the lymphatic system very fast, which removes poisons/toxins and pain from the body. Using the Cellular Rebound Lymphasizer is easy, simple and stress free, because your feet never leave the matt when you 'lymphasize'. In Dr. West's book he shows pictures of where to position your hands while doing the gentle bounce to lymphasize any part of the body, and heal it.
Jogging on the other hand is very hard on all the joints causing 'stressors' thoroughout your body. STRESS can cause more 'trapped blood proteins' to surround the cells, thus you have more PAIN.
Actually using the Cellular Rebound Lymphasizer gives you a much better work out then jogging or using anyother type of excerising equipment, because internally you create a 'cellular massage' which will increase circulation, break up blockages, open blood vessels, greatly improve lymphatic drainage, improve the efficiency of the thyroid, edocrine and adrenal systems, strengthen muscles/bones, improve the immune system which fights disease, reverse the symptoms of aging and reducing stress. Strong cells are more resistant to viruses and bacteria. While lymphasizing, all 75 trillion cells flex nearly 100 times per minute, cell by cell, strengthening the body from the inside out!"
In other words - it is not just for the gym.
The thing is that even the most frail person can greatly benefit from sitting on it or even be reclined on it, while somebody gently bounces for them. The bar helps anyone to hold on for support if they can do their own bouncing.
Go to Amazon.com and look what they look like. Look either under mini trampoline or under Rebounder.
You can find lots of info. Of course most talk about the exercise part that involves jumping off the mat, but that is not needed. It is the bounce that invigorates the cells and the lymphatic system. It is very relaxing. I bounce at least 30 minutes a day or longer while watching a movie or some other DVD. It is not tiring at all.
Interestingly enough, you can find tons of info on the blood stream but relatively little about the lymphatic system, although we have a lot more lymph fluid than blood and it is even more important than blood because lymphatic fluid actually cleans the blood and brings oxygen to the cells. I read someplace how, when people go into shock, it is the lymphatic system that shuts down and literally has the people die of lack of oxygen.
I have seen very frail people regain strength and balance, including my husband as well as myself be more balanced, using the mini trampoline.
Just my 5 cents worth.
Be well, all.
Margarete
You can check out the nasa pants at wellnessbriefsdotcom (I write it out this way so it will go through) They will send a free sample.
Heres the cost breakdown at todays prices on Amazon (with free shipping)
Depends at .90 each
Abena at 1.68 each
Wellness briefs (NASA pants) at 1.14 each.
-- I changed from Depends to Abena months ago. The Abena I highly recommend. I will not be able to properly review the wellnessbriefs, but they are highly rated and have an impressive feel and thickness - and they are a great deal cheaper.
Hospice is gone for the weekend - except the social worker Jodi will be here this afternoon to help ensure my ducks are are lined up. I am going to try and tempt mom with a vanilla milkshake in a minute - she always loved those.
I was just saying to the hub last night that our bodies give us small signals that something is awry...then, bigger things...then POW! I am trying to avoid the POW part. Every health thing I have had over the last year I can attribute to stress. After three years, I cannot even remember what it is like to be truly calm and healthy. For me, it is the "waiting for the next shoe to drop." I will have a few great days, then another crisis rears its ugly head and I am in the middle of the chaos again.
So many lovely forum members have suggested detaching...and I am trying...but how do you do that when your sib is out to lunch (or chooses to be out to lunch) and leaves you hanging with a weepy Mom who just cannot understand why all the bad things in the world are happening "only to her?" I think most caregivers here are not equipped with that internal switch that allows our sibs to just look the other way and still sleep at night. So, I just end up jumping into the fray. The latest thing is having my sib get snotty with Mom's medical caregivers and nurses - just blows up at them then they call me in shock. I used to make excuses, now I just say, "next time that happens, just walk away or hang up!"
I have to take the advice that I give others. If I were not here, what would happen to Mom? She would find someone else to pick up the slack...that's what.
This forum has been my safety net for two years. I have never witnessed such an outpouring of support and advice from folks who have the least time to spare.
So to ya'll I say, THANK YOU....
I find not a little irony that there is a Hurricane Maria "fixin to" be born. Two of my daughters have Maria, Marissa, as their middle names in tribute to my Marie. Thus, my sorry bother the hurricane expert weatherman who makes his living in part tracking hurricanes, must be feeling extremely put-upon just now to have this storm named after his mother, be the focus of his work for the last several days and a number of days to come. I wish no harm to anyone, but it would be karma indeed should it head for the gulf and up through Texas and take off the roof of his house.
Hope your Mom will drink some of that milkshake. You are a great daughter! When my Mom was near the end, the only thing she wanted was an Icee. Wouldn't you know, I went everywhere to try to find one for her and there wasn't one to be found. After she passed, I saw them everywhere. Still feel horrible I couldn't find one. Every time I see an Icee machine I flashback. Hang in there! I know this is akin to a nightmare that feels as if you can't wake from! Sending love and hugs your way! Kim
Msm: a little "Wizard of Oz" justice for your bro just might be the ticket :o)
EC, all that on the Rebounder sounds interesting. I'll have to ck it out. Not for mom, she would hate it. Doesn't like to be bounced around. You must excuse our teasing about it. What studies have been done on the effects of this? Has it been written up in JAMA? Or why don't I just do what you said and look it up on the internet....Duh.... I've forgotten what your situation is. Is it your mother or father you are taking care of?
I have a friend who is only 45 and she has had to be caregiver for her mom for a few years and then now sher son who has numerous mental problems. It's very wearing on her. She was one of the girls I went out with Wed nite. Her son follows her around the house all day now and he's a big guy. 17 yrs old and 250lbs. His meds make him crave food constantly. The other friend I went with had cared for her mom for a year and a half until she died. So we did a lot of caregiver talking.
Kim, how the ole foot today? How's the garage coming along? Getting sheetrock up is a big step forward.
Annie.....miss you. How's your Mum? Rossella.....Hey there. Love you both. Have you noticed that I usually mention you too together? I think it makes me feel very cosmo to have European friends. Maybe I should start carrying a small dog under my arm and pretend I have money.
Miz, Austin,SS and SSK..how's it going?
Think I go read awhile. Mom's sleeping off a percocet now and it's quiet. Dean Koontz..'The Darkest Evening of the Year'...anybody read it?
TTYL
Ann
Arrogant Stupid Selfifh Siblings. I added stupid so we wouldn't conflict with our Selfish Sibling, plus it make them plural Asses ... OK we need an "E".
My Mom had four brothers and she cared for both her Mom and Dad. I remember how frustrated she got with them and then after the funerals were over, they would always be there to get their hands on everything they could! It was a sad thing to witness. I think a lot of it is how male vs female children are raised. We are supposed to be the nurturing caregiver...blah, blah,blah. I know my Dad was brought up that way! Maybe there is hope in the next generations! Hugs to you, Kim
Inheriting brings out the worst in so many people.
I'm sure , unless it's already done, one could write volumes about that aspect of life.
I must say, my children, after their dad died, did not come to "get". Maybe the good example we set at the time when my husband's mother died, and again his uncle died, but actually I think it was the bad example the other siblings set that taught my children to stay out of the way.
I'm not sure though if it is male vs female children and how they are raised. I think it's an equal opportunity behavior.
Yet, it is usually the daughters who look after parents. It seems to be expected.
When my mother developed dementia and could no longer live on her own, the wives and one husband stated categorically that they would not have her in their homes. (and my mom was a sweet woman, always appeasing and looking how to make things right). My husband on the other hand said that "of course we take her in. Wouldn't we want to have somebody welcome us if in such a situation." and so, we uprooted her from Germany and brought her to California where she didn't speak the language and all was so different for her.
The story about Vanilla Shake and Icee brought back memories, too. I could always appease my mom with a banana. I'd ask if she wanted a banana and her response always was "oh yes, a banana is always good." I could do that 3 -4 times a day and she still was happy with a banana. :-)
If indeed we are here on earth to have "experiences" I guess we all have ours and can look back, knowing we did the very best we knew how.
Happy Friday. Treat yourselves to something fun.
(Hmm, maybe an Icee? haven't had one of those in ages.)
Margarete
Some folks in the forum have been surprised when I posted that there are usually several companies in your town that do hospice care - not one. Usually, the hospital or doctor recommends one, so they think that's it. Unfortunately, they may be steering you to the one owned by the hospital, not necessarily the best one. I have better luck by asking a friend or relative (or other residents at an ALF or NH) which company they use. Then I call the director with a list of questions. I have gotten pretty good results doing this. Also, the people they send over can steer you to services that you might not know about. Every state views hospice differently. And, like everything else, not all companies are good at what they do. So you still have to do some leg work. But it is worth it. As you mentioned above, it really is the "squeaky wheel" syndrome. I can't begin to tell you how much time I spend on the phone tracking down services for my Mom. And I have been told "no" on more than one occasion but still ended up getting her the services she needed. And you are correct - it should not be this difficult. What if every family caregiver took a month off and handed over the care to the "state?" Washington will never get it - most gov. officials are wealthy enough to not have to deal with scrambling for services.
Well said Lilliput!