Are you sure you want to exit? Your progress will be lost.
Who are you caring for?
Which best describes their mobility?
How well are they maintaining their hygiene?
How are they managing their medications?
Does their living environment pose any safety concerns?
Fall risks, spoiled food, or other threats to wellbeing
Are they experiencing any memory loss?
Which best describes your loved one's social life?
Acknowledgment of Disclosures and Authorization
By proceeding, I agree that I understand the following disclosures:
I. How We Work in Washington. Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services. APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid. We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour. APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
IV. No Obligation or Commitment. You have no obligation to use or to continue to use our services. Because you pay no fee to us, you will never need to ask for a refund.
V. Complaints. Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights. APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.I agree that: A.I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information"). B.APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink. C.APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site. D.If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records. E.This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year. F.You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
✔
I acknowledge and authorize
✔
I consent to the collection of my consumer health data.*
✔
I consent to the sharing of my consumer health data with qualified home care agencies.*
*If I am consenting on behalf of someone else, I have the proper authorization to do so. By clicking Get My Results, you agree to our Privacy Policy. You also consent to receive calls and texts, which may be autodialed, from us and our customer communities. Your consent is not a condition to using our service. Please visit our Terms of Use. for information about our privacy practices.
Mostly Independent
Your loved one may not require home care or assisted living services at this time. However, continue to monitor their condition for changes and consider occasional in-home care services for help as needed.
Remember, this assessment is not a substitute for professional advice.
Share a few details and we will match you to trusted home care in your area:
First of all, let me apologize for being among the missing for so long. Thanks to all of you for the birthday wishes. They really made my day! And no, I don't feel any different now that I'm 60, but I am excited about the whole senior discount thing! AnnT, Mom was falling all the time and it was because of her dementia. Although she has Parkinsons also, she lost all sense of how dangerous it was for her to get around on her own. I finally got her a wheelchair and a restraint strap for it, so that she could not get up on her own. I also got her a Posey vest to tie her to the glider rocker which she cannot tip over in, like the wheelchair. She is in constant motion and cannot help it. the PD makes her need to be always moving. Rubbing her hands, picking at the furniture or her clothes, banging on her dinner plate, trying to stand up every other second when she is on the toilet and on and on. She is under constant supervision by either me or Merry, my helper. I am fortunate that Mom took out long term care insurance about 13 years ago. that is now paying for Merry to be here 40 hours a week. I have been at home for 3 1/2 years, and cared for her for the last 2 years I worked besides. My oldest sister bought cameras that are linked to my laptop and PC. The one in Mom's bedroom is infrared so that I can see her at night. they are invaluable to me. I also have pillows under her mattress pad on one side of the bed, and put 2 more on the other side after I get her into bed. There is also half bed rail on the side she sleeps on. These have conditioned her to not get up out of bed on her own, for almost a year now. Before that, i would find her on the floor all the time. I know $$ is tight, but you could get a transport wheelchair for $100 and belt her in. You could probably get her doctor to order a Posey vest that you could use to keep her in bed. but try the pillow first. She may get used to staying out for you. tried the bell with Mom, didn't work after a while. Short term memory is gone! You definitely cannot spend every waking moment with her, so the chair is a good alternative to her constant falling. It will also save you from being investigated for all of her falls. it's a tough call, but there aren't too many options left. Mom's eldercare nurse visited today and commended us on our efforts to keep her home and safe. the worst thing the states ever did was stop facilities from using restraints. They keep people safe more than they harm them. I hope you are feeling better and can resolve this situation so that you can get some much deserved rest. Got to get Mom to bed. Will be back in a bit!
SS, I have to address your post before I can even read more. Sweetheart, safe your breath! Don't even waste your time talking to the sibs because they aren't going to do shit!!!!. I am speaking from my on going situation here. I don't know your financial situation, but mom should be in rehab after the hip surgery and put dad in respite care somewhere. I know this is very expensive. The last quote I got was $175 per day. The siblings will NEVER understand and therefore can't even know to care. I'm not excusing their ignorance, I'm just saying save your strength. This is a losing battle. IT SUCKS AND LIFE IS NOT FAIR! This is a very sore subject for me right now, so please don't think my anger or gusto is at you. I have my own crap to fuel me for a lifetime!!!!!! It is a long lonely and frustrating road and the only ones that understand are here on this thread. Vent away to us and I know we will all offer suggestions on how to survive. If I can help in any way, give me a shout. I know how angry and hurt you feel by the sibs selfishness and disregard for you. Your parents will see things as they want, not as they are. I know you must feel like you need to be an octopuss with 8 arms to get things done and to top it off everyone is pulling an arm in a different direction.
Take care of yourself for at least 5 minutes a day. If you have to take that 5 minutes sitting on the commode, do it! We are here for you!
Now it's your turn. You aren't alone in NJ, you have the phone number for several of us. CALL!!!!! It's our turn to be there for you. I know we can't help you lift a box, but we can help you fight the memories that seem like demons. Keep thinking of this trip as loosening every chain that you felt bound by throughout your life. I know things are complicated, but we are there for you to help you through this last chapter. Heck, you have new adventures to live and new chapters to write!
SS sorry you got hit so hard by the storm! we lucked out here. But towns west and north of us got hammered, and now more heavy rain and flooding! I agree that you should back away from your mom and let her see how much help she will get from the sibs! By the way, forgot who asked, but I'm in central Mass. Maxine, sounds like you had it bad there too. Been knitting a lot to keep my mind occupied and off of all the bad sh!t I have to deal with. Been doing some intricate lace patterns with some fine lace weight yarns. Takes longer, but the results are fabulous! Hi anniegirl! How's Ireland? Kuli, Good to hear your dad is still feisty! Ssk, Enjoy your respite. You sure deserve it. Happy the boarders worked out for you. Diane, Sorry to hear your family is so nasty. I know how that can be. Give Mom over to them and see how long they would last. Hope you can hang onto your job. At least it gives you some pleasure. Rossella, What's up? Hope you had a nice time at the beach! Lots of work is better than no work, but also an extra burden for you. How is Mom doing? Mariesmom, Hello there! Nice to meet you. Hope you take advantage of hospice and get yourself some down time. My oldest sister is in Virginia, Woodbridge. She is a teacher and her husband and youngest son work at the Pentagon. He is retired Air Force. The oldest son is a program writer for the S.S. in DC. Cricket and Kim, hope to get to know you both better too! I have 6 siblings and don't see or hear from the ones close by. My oldest sister and I talk all the time. she was just here for 2 weeks in August for her yearly visit to help with Mom. my youngest brother is 45 minutes away and has a step daughter in college and a 9 year old daughter and a 3 year old son. he has been mister mom for the past 9 years, and helps me more than anyone else around here. Then I have Merry who is a CNA that I met when Mom was in a NH 2 years ago. It took a while to get the long term care insurance claim going, but now it affords me to have Merry here full time. It takes both of us to handle Mom more times than not. Then there is my husband who lost his job in early February. He thinks he's retired and acts like it too! Just got his first extension on unemployment. He will be 63 next month, so we are in no shape financially for him to be retired, not to mention no insurance until he is 65. So we are on COBRA and barely getting by with the bills that multiplied over the 3 + years I have been out of work. Mom is a lot of work and can no longer wash, dress, or feed herself. Has been incontinent for 2 years and suffers from Parkinsons, depression and anxiety all of which are quite a mix along with the dementia. the toughest part is her general overall health is excellent. I will probably die from the side affects of care giving before she does! Oh yeah! No toss up between vomit and poop for me! She puked in her dinner plate and all down the front of herself this past spring. I was gagging up a storm and choking and had tears running down my face. I don't know how I managed to get her cleaned up without heaving myself! I made her throw the food into the waste basket because I couldn't go near her while it was on the table. She wouldn't throw it out because she thought it was still good enough to eat!!! I'll clean bucket 'o sh!t anyday over vomit!!!
Linda, Nice to see Pa is still giving you a run for your money. Loves his breakfast! Hope you have a nice peaceful anniversary. That's a lot of years! We celebrated 38 years in March, and have been together for almost 42. Longgggggg time!!! Miz, exercise class is a good thing! I sure could use some exercise and less food going into my mouth! now that the weather is starting to change, I need to get back to walking every day. hate being so lazy. Packed the 10lbs I lost last years, back on again. Jen, how goes it today? FP go to daycare? going to send you some pictures. Bobbie, I know you are on the road, but I will try to call you. i have a plan for New Jersey!
s.s. I can see where the siblings got it. Are you the only sane one in your family!? man these people are trying to kill us all. And a hurricane, that is much too much... was a fp out of the house day so, no complaints there.... My God that's is the good stuff, we have to pick vomit or poop? Gah!!! And I wore my shirt out shopping today deef....:) Hi to Marie, and rip and bobbie and annt and Annie and cuz and miz and Diane and Linda and Ksho, and everybody else here and there and in the Purgatory that is elder care full time...... Oh and for restraints Google soft restraints it can be done but you may have to specify medical not ..."recreational"....
Hi Deef, It's nice to meet you as well. Nothing much going on here tonight, TG! Today I got a whole 5 Hrs. out of the house. My husband was home all day and said he would take care of Dad and everything and told me to go do whatever I wanted. I went and got a much needed haircut and got a pedicure and manicure and topped it off with a massage! I figure I better grab the gusto while I can. The best part was I didn't have to come home to any shit or vomit, even Dad behaved. LOL I tell ya tonight I feel like a new person. I think that was the first time I've had the opportunity to do all that for myself in years. I never want today to end, sigh..
Good night dear friends. So good to see you back Kathy! Our "family" is growing so I don't think I can type all the names. Let's see what the brain can retain. Good night Bobbie, Miz, Deef, Jen, Maxine, SS, Kim, Ann, Annie, Kuli, Pirate (MIA), Cricket, Cuz, Barbara, Linda, 54, Rip and anyone else I forgot!
I really need your advice on a serious problem: I have suspected for some time now that my wife has been cheating on me. The usual signs: if the phone rings and I answer, the caller hangs up; she goes out with the girls a lot. I try to stay awake to look out for her when she comes home but I usually fall asleep. Anyway last night about midnight I hid in the shed behind the boat. When she came home she got out of someone's car, buttoning her blouse, and then she took her panties out of her purse and slipped them on. It was at that moment, crouched behind the boat, that I noticed a small, hairline crack in the outboard engine mounting bracket, just to the right of the bolt holes. Is that something I can weld or do I need to replace it?
A man boarded an airplane and took his seat. As he settled in, he glanced up and saw the most beautiful woman boarding the plane. He soon realized she was heading straight towards his seat. As fate would have it, she took the seat right beside his Eager to strike up a conversation he blurted out, "Business trip or pleasure?" She turned, smiled and said, "Business. I'm going to the Annual Nymphomaniacs of America Convention in Boston ." He swallowed hard. Here was the most gorgeous woman he had ever seen sitting next to him, and she was going to a meeting of nymphomaniacs. Struggling to maintain his composure, he calmly asked, "What's your business role at this convention?" "Lecturer," she responded. "I use information that I have learned from my personal experiences to debunk some of the popular myths about sexuality." "Really?" he said. "And what kind of myths are there?" "Well," she explained, "one popular myth is that African-American men are the most well-endowed of all men, when in fact it is the Native American Indian who is most likely to possess that trait. Another popular myth is that Frenchmen are the best lovers, when actually it is men of Jewish descent who are the best. I have also discovered that the lover with absolutely the best stamina is the Southern Redneck." Suddenly the woman became a little uncomfortable and blushed. "I'm sorry," she said, "I shouldn't really be discussing all of this with you. I don't even know your name..."
"Tonto," the man said, "Tonto Goldstein, but my friends call me Bubba."
Idea ... well one of them. We should create a special thread for jokes.
Often I've thought I'll copy a 'cuz joke' only to become frustrated trying to retrace the thread. 5 posts back ... another 5 posts ... thought it was here ... where is the joke ...more backtracking ....???
annt I'm not sure what you could use on the super glue. You might try WD-40 cause that will loosen glue on like stickers on car windows or maybe like nail polish remover. I'd just be guessing so, sorry. For everyone else I'll be gone for 4 nights on a fishing trip to Lake St Clare by Detriot. Hopefully u gals will miss me. I will definately catch up on all the reading. You know me I'm here for quite awhile. Love and hugs to all and will be back Sunday night. LovCuz
They - the suits - zap email addresses in a heartbeat. I was considering everyone who enjoys your humor. The backtracking of posts to refer or reply to a previous comment is a tough one on this site.
What a good idea Cuz. could you send them to me too? I like to forward them to my friends. I have put several on my fb page too. For the super glue I tried nail polish remover and Goo Gone. The Goo Gone worked better but it's still there. I guess it will peel off eventually. I'll try the WD-40 tomorrow. Hope you enjoy your fishing trip.
Thanks for the hugs you guys. I've been kinda down. Every day now I wonder if I can do it much longer. I rigged up a seat belt for the sofa to keep her from wandering around and falling. Have one on the bed too so she won't get up during the night. both her arms are hurting a lot now. I've had to step up the percocet. She's in a good bit of pain. She has a four inch tear in the skin on her right shoulder and a 6inch tear from her palm almost to her elbow on that arm. Her chin is all bruised and cut and a sm cut on her neck and forehead. So now her left arm hurts cause the shoulder is broken, and the right arm hurts with the skin tears. On top of that she keep falling on them making them hurt more.
Deef, I know about the sugical glue but I don't think Hospice supplies that. They do have Tegaderm tho. that's just as good. It's clear tape that will approximate the skin and stays on till it washes of naturally. No bandage changes. I have asked for some of that. Hopefully the aide will bring it tomorrow. skin tears are so fragile. It's hard to keep the skin together so it can heal. I think the glue would work great. A Veternarian fixed a gash in my husbands hand with plain super glue one time. It did just fine.
Diane and SS, I'm so sorry you are having sibling trouble. That can be sosooo stressful. Right this moment I'm getting along with all my brothers. Hopefully bro #1 will sit with mom Saturday and let me get out with my husband David. I'm going to try to line up bro #2 for a few hours on Sunday. We'll see.
Good night all, hope you have a peaceful evening. Love you all.
Hey Crew, just checking in and thank you all so much for the outpouring of support.... Flex, MsM, Deef, Miz, EVERYBODY!! Wow, it really makes a difference and I truly appreciate it.
Can't wait for this phase to be in my rear view......
thinkin of u bobbie and so happy to hearfrom you this morn and now i can goon and do slavery work here . woke up to poopysoup this morn , pa tried to clean it himself soiwouldnt have to do it , poor guy he s covered with it yikes , i mean was , he is now clean , did the best i could . you all have a good day and bobbie u be safe xoxox
we ll have to fill her in on whats going on :-) man im not even done cleaning . grrr , takin a break and my muscles are achin grrrr . will be back a gain later tnite and see whats up ! xoxo kim where are you ?
It's wonderful to have this site so we can vent when we can't vent to anybody else. Some things one would never tell anybody who comes to the home because they'd worry what else was misused.
Bobbie, I don't know if you came only to vent or if you were also looking for some suggestions how to cope. If to vent - by all means - and many here fully understand. I found the toilet plunger used in the kitchen sink and used toilet paper in various inappropriate places - which totally grossed me out.
If you re also looking for suggestions on coping: 1) if at all possible, have your personal toiletries in your room and bring them with you when going to use them. Extra work, but good for peace of mind. 2) when confronted with one of these situations, before exploding and possibly yelling at her, close your eyes and quickly focus on something that shifts your attention - maybe think of a little toddler who does the same thing - most adults would think it to be funny or cute. 3) Or have a prayer ready that helps you shift - the Serenity Prayer does wonders for most situations. I used it a lot. "God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, Courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference."
4)There were days when everything seemed unbearable, but often when my husband was at his worst, I asked him if he'd wanted some coffee and a cookie, or I suggested we'd go out for an ice cream cone. Shifted his and my attention to more bearable things.
I hope this helps. Wishing you and your mom peace and joy. Margarete
Hello Essentcaregiver. It was very sweet of you to add your voice to the rest of ours in support and concern for all our dear caregivers. Bobbie started this thread over a year ago and has helped many many of us get through unbearable situations with grace and understanding. Her mother passed away last year, but even so she has stayed with us to continue to support us. There are others in our group of wonderful ladies and gents who have like Bobbie already lost their dear one, but they too stay with us to help us along this journey. We welcome your voice to the group.
ESSENTCAREGIVER_ welcome . yep this is a place to vent and also ask for advice . i love this site , been here since 09 so its been almost 2 yrs here . again welcome !! eww plugger in the sink , yikes . big hugs to you .. bobbie may not be on for a while her puter has crashed miz says . darn it !! hope we ll hear from her real soon , always a pleasure to hear from her and others . others stays after losin thier love ones cuz they have became friends with us and you can not stay away from AC . i often told myself im going to wait till night time to read , oh no when i wake up in the morning im thinkin whats happening here and gotta get on anyways . lol sometimes im just so down in the dump and will become a fly on the wall . they sense that and pulls me out of the black hole . love em all dearly . annt- how is ur moms arm ? hope it ll heal upin no time . seems like it takes longer to heal and even longer if they dont stop falling down . geeze ! heartbreaking and sure feel thier pain . i went to ckon pa and covered him up with blanket cuz its 73 in the house feelin nippy poo . he woke up said blahblah blah im thinkin oh ok youre wet pa ? no im not ! i wanna get up i have to go ck my car out . ok dad i try so damnhard to get him in the wheelchair thank god i didnt drop him . now my back is achin wheeled him to the toilet , almost couldnt get him out ofthe wheelchair . i said dad im not going to pick u up come on use ur legs . so he did im hangin on to his dear life . then i started to put his pull up briefs on he sai dno i dont wanna wear that . i said oh what do u want to wear ? he said i want to take a shower . my head fell down and shakin , i said dad i barely got u in the wheelchair and barely got u on the toilet and now tell me how am i going to get u in the shower ur legs is not wanting to work today . oh ok he says , got him dress and lift him up and flop him in wheelchair , was hoping the wheelchair wouldnt break . whew . then i said ummm ill file ur nails . he said okay . got him in his recliner and started in on his nails , golly it was long and found some poo i missed this morn , thought i had em all out but some was still there . blah . but anyway he feels better got his nails done . i think i smell poo right now . maybe its under my nails now , blahh maybe its cat liter . ? ah im going to step outside ! get some fresh air , oh its rainin too :-) rain baby rain ! plz no rain saturday , xoxoxo p.s. pirate says hello to u all . xoxo
Hi Linda. I'm still here. Did you get the message about the Ordinary being right down the street from the bank? Hope we can set up a time soon! Yesterday I dropped a big 2x4 on my foot. I think it is ok just smashed up a little! I'm such a klutz! LOL
Miz, sorry to hear about kt's Mom. Hope you are feeling better. I know it is all about ups and downs! That evil roller coaster ride. This time of year I tend to get depressed because Mom was really getting bad at this time and I tend to revisit that time every year! Oct 5 will be the 11th anniversary. The cloud just seems to follow me. Hang in there.
Welcome Essentcaregiver. Lots of wonderful people here to help support one another! Bobbie lost her Mom. She started this thread, but continues to support us every day, as well as others whose loved ones have passed on. You will find much comfort here.
Cricket, How goes it with you?
I am going to soak my foot and head as well! LOL check in later, love you all! Kim
kim . i ask hubby about ordinary place , my neighbor s uncle runs that place and spoke highly of thier food ! rumble is thier last name (nieghbor) i dont know if his uncle s last name is that ? yes we should try to meet one day soon ! i would love to eat there . ok supper ready ,, left over potatoe soup yum . xoxo
By proceeding, I agree that I understand the following disclosures:
I. How We Work in Washington.
Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services.
APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid.
We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour.
APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
IV. No Obligation or Commitment.
You have no obligation to use or to continue to use our services. Because you pay no fee to us, you will never need to ask for a refund.
V. Complaints.
Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights.
APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.
I agree that:
A.
I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information").
B.
APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink.
C.
APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site.
D.
If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records.
E.
This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year.
F.
You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
AnnT, Mom was falling all the time and it was because of her dementia. Although she has Parkinsons also, she lost all sense of how dangerous it was for her to get around on her own. I finally got her a wheelchair and a restraint strap for it, so that she could not get up on her own. I also got her a Posey vest to tie her to the glider rocker which she cannot tip over in, like the wheelchair. She is in constant motion and cannot help it. the PD makes her need to be always moving. Rubbing her hands, picking at the furniture or her clothes, banging on her dinner plate, trying to stand up every other second when she is on the toilet and on and on. She is under constant supervision by either me or Merry, my helper. I am fortunate that Mom took out long term care insurance about 13 years ago. that is now paying for Merry to be here 40 hours a week. I have been at home for 3 1/2 years, and cared for her for the last 2 years I worked besides. My oldest sister bought cameras that are linked to my laptop and PC. The one in Mom's bedroom is infrared so that I can see her at night. they are invaluable to me. I also have pillows under her mattress pad on one side of the bed, and put 2 more on the other side after I get her into bed. There is also half bed rail on the side she sleeps on. These have conditioned her to not get up out of bed on her own, for almost a year now. Before that, i would find her on the floor all the time.
I know $$ is tight, but you could get a transport wheelchair for $100 and belt her in. You could probably get her doctor to order a Posey vest that you could use to keep her in bed. but try the pillow first. She may get used to staying out for you. tried the bell with Mom, didn't work after a while. Short term memory is gone! You definitely cannot spend every waking moment with her, so the chair is a good alternative to her constant falling. It will also save you from being investigated for all of her falls. it's a tough call, but there aren't too many options left.
Mom's eldercare nurse visited today and commended us on our efforts to keep her home and safe. the worst thing the states ever did was stop facilities from using restraints. They keep people safe more than they harm them. I hope you are feeling better and can resolve this situation so that you can get some much deserved rest.
Got to get Mom to bed. Will be back in a bit!
I have to address your post before I can even read more. Sweetheart, safe your breath! Don't even waste your time talking to the sibs because they aren't going to do shit!!!!. I am speaking from my on going situation here. I don't know your financial situation, but mom should be in rehab after the hip surgery and put dad in respite care somewhere. I know this is very expensive. The last quote I got was $175 per day. The siblings will NEVER understand and therefore can't even know to care. I'm not excusing their ignorance, I'm just saying save your strength. This is a losing battle. IT SUCKS AND LIFE IS NOT FAIR! This is a very sore subject for me right now, so please don't think my anger or gusto is at you. I have my own crap to fuel me for a lifetime!!!!!! It is a long lonely and frustrating road and the only ones that understand are here on this thread. Vent away to us and I know we will all offer suggestions on how to survive. If I can help in any way, give me a shout. I know how angry and hurt you feel by the sibs selfishness and disregard for you. Your parents will see things as they want, not as they are. I know you must feel like you need to be an octopuss with 8 arms to get things done and to top it off everyone is pulling an arm in a different direction.
Take care of yourself for at least 5 minutes a day. If you have to take that 5 minutes sitting on the commode, do it! We are here for you!
Diane
Now it's your turn. You aren't alone in NJ, you have the phone number for several of us. CALL!!!!! It's our turn to be there for you. I know we can't help you lift a box, but we can help you fight the memories that seem like demons. Keep thinking of this trip as loosening every chain that you felt bound by throughout your life. I know things are complicated, but we are there for you to help you through this last chapter. Heck, you have new adventures to live and new chapters to write!
Love ya,
DIane
By the way, forgot who asked, but I'm in central Mass.
Maxine, sounds like you had it bad there too. Been knitting a lot to keep my mind occupied and off of all the bad sh!t I have to deal with. Been doing some intricate lace patterns with some fine lace weight yarns. Takes longer, but the results are fabulous!
Hi anniegirl! How's Ireland?
Kuli, Good to hear your dad is still feisty!
Ssk, Enjoy your respite. You sure deserve it. Happy the boarders worked out for you.
Diane, Sorry to hear your family is so nasty. I know how that can be. Give Mom over to them and see how long they would last. Hope you can hang onto your job. At least it gives you some pleasure.
Rossella, What's up? Hope you had a nice time at the beach! Lots of work is better than no work, but also an extra burden for you. How is Mom doing?
Mariesmom, Hello there! Nice to meet you. Hope you take advantage of hospice and get yourself some down time. My oldest sister is in Virginia, Woodbridge. She is a teacher and her husband and youngest son work at the Pentagon. He is retired Air Force. The oldest son is a program writer for the S.S. in DC.
Cricket and Kim, hope to get to know you both better too!
I have 6 siblings and don't see or hear from the ones close by. My oldest sister and I talk all the time. she was just here for 2 weeks in August for her yearly visit to help with Mom. my youngest brother is 45 minutes away and has a step daughter in college and a 9 year old daughter and a 3 year old son. he has been mister mom for the past 9 years, and helps me more than anyone else around here. Then I have Merry who is a CNA that I met when Mom was in a NH 2 years ago. It took a while to get the long term care insurance claim going, but now it affords me to have Merry here full time. It takes both of us to handle Mom more times than not.
Then there is my husband who lost his job in early February. He thinks he's retired and acts like it too! Just got his first extension on unemployment. He will be 63 next month, so we are in no shape financially for him to be retired, not to mention no insurance until he is 65. So we are on COBRA and barely getting by with the bills that multiplied over the 3 + years I have been out of work.
Mom is a lot of work and can no longer wash, dress, or feed herself. Has been incontinent for 2 years and suffers from Parkinsons, depression and anxiety all of which are quite a mix along with the dementia. the toughest part is her general overall health is excellent. I will probably die from the side affects of care giving before she does!
Oh yeah! No toss up between vomit and poop for me! She puked in her dinner plate and all down the front of herself this past spring. I was gagging up a storm and choking and had tears running down my face. I don't know how I managed to get her cleaned up without heaving myself! I made her throw the food into the waste basket because I couldn't go near her while it was on the table. She wouldn't throw it out because she thought it was still good enough to eat!!! I'll clean bucket 'o sh!t anyday over vomit!!!
Miz, exercise class is a good thing! I sure could use some exercise and less food going into my mouth! now that the weather is starting to change, I need to get back to walking every day. hate being so lazy. Packed the 10lbs I lost last years, back on again.
Jen, how goes it today? FP go to daycare? going to send you some pictures.
Bobbie, I know you are on the road, but I will try to call you. i have a plan for New Jersey!
was a fp out of the house day so, no complaints there....
My God that's is the good stuff, we have to pick vomit or poop? Gah!!! And I wore my shirt out shopping today deef....:)
Hi to Marie, and rip and bobbie and annt and Annie and cuz and miz and Diane and Linda and Ksho, and everybody else here and there and in the Purgatory that is elder care full time......
Oh and for restraints Google soft restraints it can be done but you may have to specify medical not ..."recreational"....
Nothing much going on here tonight, TG! Today I got a whole 5 Hrs. out of the house. My husband was home all day and said he would take care of Dad and everything and told me to go do whatever I wanted. I went and got a much needed haircut and got a pedicure and manicure and topped it off with a massage! I figure I better grab the gusto while I can. The best part was I didn't have to come home to any shit or vomit, even Dad behaved. LOL I tell ya tonight I feel like a new person. I think that was the first time I've had the opportunity to do all that for myself in years. I never want today to end, sigh..
Love ya!
Diane
Hi Andy,
I really need your advice on a serious problem: I have suspected for some time now that my wife has been cheating on me. The usual signs: if the phone rings and I answer, the caller hangs up; she goes out with the girls a lot. I try to stay awake to look out for her when she comes home but I usually fall asleep. Anyway last night about midnight I hid in the shed behind the boat. When she came home she got out of someone's car, buttoning her blouse, and then she took her panties out of her purse and slipped them on. It was at that moment, crouched behind the boat, that I noticed a small, hairline crack in the outboard engine mounting bracket, just to the right of the bolt holes. Is that something I can weld or do I need to replace it?
is he still wrong?
A man boarded an airplane and took his seat. As he settled in, he glanced up and saw the most beautiful woman boarding the plane.
He soon realized she was heading straight towards his seat. As fate would have it, she took the seat right beside his
Eager to strike up a conversation he blurted out, "Business trip or pleasure?"
She turned, smiled and said, "Business. I'm going to the Annual Nymphomaniacs of America Convention in Boston ."
He swallowed hard. Here was the most gorgeous woman he had ever seen sitting next to him, and she was going to a meeting of nymphomaniacs.
Struggling to maintain his composure, he calmly asked, "What's your business role at this convention?"
"Lecturer," she responded. "I use information that I have learned from my personal experiences to debunk some of the popular myths about sexuality."
"Really?" he said. "And what kind of myths are there?"
"Well," she explained, "one popular myth is that African-American men are the most well-endowed of all men, when in fact it is the Native American Indian who is most likely to possess that trait.
Another popular myth is that Frenchmen are the best lovers, when actually it is men of Jewish descent who are the best.
I have also discovered that the lover with absolutely the best stamina is the Southern Redneck."
Suddenly the woman became a little uncomfortable and blushed. "I'm sorry," she said, "I shouldn't really be discussing all of this with you. I don't even know your name..."
"Tonto," the man said, "Tonto Goldstein, but my friends call me Bubba."
Often I've thought I'll copy a 'cuz joke' only to become frustrated trying to retrace the thread. 5 posts back ... another 5 posts ... thought it was here ... where is the joke ...more backtracking ....???
They promised to listen to suggestions ....
For everyone else I'll be gone for 4 nights on a fishing trip to Lake St Clare by Detriot. Hopefully u gals will miss me. I will definately catch up on all the reading.
You know me I'm here for quite awhile. Love and hugs to all and will be back Sunday night.
LovCuz
lovCuz
I was considering everyone who enjoys your humor.
The backtracking of posts to refer or reply to a previous comment is a tough one on this site.
Have some fun fishing Harvey!
For the super glue I tried nail polish remover and Goo Gone. The Goo Gone worked better but it's still there. I guess it will peel off eventually. I'll try the WD-40 tomorrow. Hope you enjoy your fishing trip.
Thanks for the hugs you guys. I've been kinda down. Every day now I wonder if I can do it much longer. I rigged up a seat belt for the sofa to keep her from wandering around and falling. Have one on the bed too so she won't get up during the night. both her arms are hurting a lot now. I've had to step up the percocet. She's in a good bit of pain. She has a four inch tear in the skin on her right shoulder and a 6inch tear from her palm almost to her elbow on that arm. Her chin is all bruised and cut and a sm cut on her neck and forehead. So now her left arm hurts cause the shoulder is broken, and the right arm hurts with the skin tears. On top of that she keep falling on them making them hurt more.
Deef is right about the medical glue. Can really help on sensitive elder-skin wounds...
Be cautious not to confuse the 2 tubes.
Diane and SS, I'm so sorry you are having sibling trouble. That can be sosooo stressful. Right this moment I'm getting along with all my brothers. Hopefully bro #1 will sit with mom Saturday and let me get out with my husband David. I'm going to try to line up bro #2 for a few hours on Sunday. We'll see.
Good night all, hope you have a peaceful evening. Love you all.
just checking in and thank you all so much for the outpouring of support.... Flex, MsM, Deef, Miz, EVERYBODY!!
Wow, it really makes a difference and I truly appreciate it.
Can't wait for this phase to be in my rear view......
Love all you guys more than you know....
lovbob
woke up to poopysoup this morn , pa tried to clean it himself soiwouldnt have to do it , poor guy he s covered with it yikes , i mean was , he is now clean , did the best i could .
you all have a good day and bobbie u be safe xoxox
love,
miz
man im not even done cleaning . grrr , takin a break and my muscles are achin grrrr .
will be back a gain later tnite and see whats up ! xoxo
kim where are you ?
Bobbie, I don't know if you came only to vent or if you were also looking for some suggestions how to cope. If to vent - by all means - and many here fully understand. I found the toilet plunger used in the kitchen sink and used toilet paper in various inappropriate places - which totally grossed me out.
If you re also looking for suggestions on coping:
1) if at all possible, have your personal toiletries in your room and bring them with you when going to use them. Extra work, but good for peace of mind.
2) when confronted with one of these situations, before exploding and possibly yelling at her, close your eyes and quickly focus on something that shifts your attention - maybe think of a little toddler who does the same thing - most adults would think it to be funny or cute.
3) Or have a prayer ready that helps you shift - the Serenity Prayer does wonders for most situations. I used it a lot.
"God, grant me the serenity
to accept the things
I cannot change,
Courage to change the
things I can, and the
wisdom to know the difference."
4)There were days when everything seemed unbearable, but often when my husband was at his worst, I asked him if he'd wanted some coffee and a cookie, or I suggested we'd go out for an ice cream cone. Shifted his and my attention to more bearable things.
I hope this helps.
Wishing you and your mom peace and joy.
Margarete
sometimes im just so down in the dump and will become a fly on the wall . they sense that and pulls me out of the black hole . love em all dearly .
annt- how is ur moms arm ? hope it ll heal upin no time . seems like it takes longer to heal and even longer if they dont stop falling down . geeze ! heartbreaking and sure feel thier pain .
i went to ckon pa and covered him up with blanket cuz its 73 in the house feelin nippy poo . he woke up said blahblah blah im thinkin oh ok youre wet pa ? no im not ! i wanna get up i have to go ck my car out . ok dad i try so damnhard to get him in the wheelchair thank god i didnt drop him . now my back is achin wheeled him to the toilet , almost couldnt get him out ofthe wheelchair . i said dad im not going to pick u up come on use ur legs . so he did im hangin on to his dear life . then i started to put his pull up briefs on he sai dno i dont wanna wear that . i said oh what do u want to wear ? he said i want to take a shower . my head fell down and shakin , i said dad i barely got u in the wheelchair and barely got u on the toilet and now tell me how am i going to get u in the shower ur legs is not wanting to work today . oh ok he says , got him dress and lift him up and flop him in wheelchair , was hoping the wheelchair wouldnt break . whew .
then i said ummm ill file ur nails . he said okay . got him in his recliner and started in on his nails , golly it was long and found some poo i missed this morn , thought i had em all out but some was still there . blah . but anyway he feels better got his nails done . i think i smell poo right now . maybe its under my nails now , blahh maybe its cat liter . ? ah im going to step outside ! get some fresh air , oh its rainin too :-) rain baby rain ! plz no rain saturday ,
xoxoxo p.s. pirate says hello to u all . xoxo
Miz, sorry to hear about kt's Mom. Hope you are feeling better. I know it is all about ups and downs! That evil roller coaster ride. This time of year I tend to get depressed because Mom was really getting bad at this time and I tend to revisit that time every year! Oct 5 will be the 11th anniversary. The cloud just seems to follow me. Hang in there.
Welcome Essentcaregiver. Lots of wonderful people here to help support one another! Bobbie lost her Mom. She started this thread, but continues to support us every day, as well as others whose loved ones have passed on. You will find much comfort here.
Cricket, How goes it with you?
I am going to soak my foot and head as well! LOL check in later, love you all! Kim
ok supper ready ,, left over potatoe soup yum . xoxo