Are you sure you want to exit? Your progress will be lost.
Who are you caring for?
Which best describes their mobility?
How well are they maintaining their hygiene?
How are they managing their medications?
Does their living environment pose any safety concerns?
Fall risks, spoiled food, or other threats to wellbeing
Are they experiencing any memory loss?
Which best describes your loved one's social life?
Acknowledgment of Disclosures and Authorization
By proceeding, I agree that I understand the following disclosures:
I. How We Work in Washington. Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services. APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid. We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour. APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
IV. No Obligation or Commitment. You have no obligation to use or to continue to use our services. Because you pay no fee to us, you will never need to ask for a refund.
V. Complaints. Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights. APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.I agree that: A.I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information"). B.APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink. C.APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site. D.If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records. E.This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year. F.You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
✔
I acknowledge and authorize
✔
I consent to the collection of my consumer health data.*
✔
I consent to the sharing of my consumer health data with qualified home care agencies.*
*If I am consenting on behalf of someone else, I have the proper authorization to do so. By clicking Get My Results, you agree to our Privacy Policy. You also consent to receive calls and texts, which may be autodialed, from us and our customer communities. Your consent is not a condition to using our service. Please visit our Terms of Use. for information about our privacy practices.
Mostly Independent
Your loved one may not require home care or assisted living services at this time. However, continue to monitor their condition for changes and consider occasional in-home care services for help as needed.
Remember, this assessment is not a substitute for professional advice.
Share a few details and we will match you to trusted home care in your area:
Really! Thank you rip. I wonder if he'll stand up in his fancy church tomorrow with tears in his eyes and light a candle for dear old Mom (nothing against religous people - I'm just saying). *&*^$%^&&*()(*
OMG Barb. That is so cold and pompous of them!! I am angry right along with you. It's like they are quoting a philosophy or a book or something. Cold cold cold...
MsM, sorry you had to deal with that and ya, it's bs.
Hey Desparate! Thx for the love and I appreciate it and that's no kidding. Welcome to the Grossed Out thread and we all hope you keep posting here and vent and live! Don't worry about not knowing about the whole thang... you know now and if you hang out here we will keep you from going totally bonkers. Lot of love here and a lot of funny.
love you all way more than you know....
MsM a retired Navy Commander, eh? I bet he would know how to empty the Cat box on this boat.......
mariesmom - nexttime i wouldnt even bother to email em anything . maries tickin down , what the hell ever ! there s no oh i should come and visit mom real soon . none ofthat , in fact i have trouble understand what it was trying to say . ump ... well kick em hard and i ll help ya . better yet give em one dollar in the will if u can ... bobbie - i am so sorry that despr barked at ya , well thats too bad , theres people out there just dont get it and theres people out there is just funny as hell and love em to pieces ohh lala . AUSTIN !! i am so glad u have genrator oh mygosh , no power ! oh lord hope it gets going again soon . u have a very smart son and u give him a hug for me ! he takes good care of you ! my blessing to you ... wheres cricket ? bet she got a hang over . hee heee . jsomebody - is it ur hip ure talkin about or its FP s hip ? my hip used to hurt when i worked at the factory , its the damn cement floors . now hubby complains his hip is achin . mine doesnt bother me anymore . u live in basement so maybe that is why ? hope u get better soon dear . storm came and left , didnt get much rain either . poor louie he ran to the living room and was trying to get under the couch and couldnt , he couldnt figure out what is happening ! he goes there when its thundering , he was so scared and decided to run in the bdrm under the bed lol . new couch and it s on the floor , old couch is like five inches off the floor . poor louie , anyway im glad he cant get under there cuz when i pulled out the old couch and whoa wow tons of his hair under there . thought maybe i ll see wolf spider nana didnt see any whew ! mariesmom , i still wanna help u kick him hard . xoxo
While walking along the sidewalk in front of his church, our minister heard the intoning of a prayer that nearly made his collar wilt. Apparently, his 5-year-old son and his playnates had found a dead robin. Feeling that proper burial should be performed, thye had secured a small box and cotton batting, then dug a hole and made ready for the disposal of the deceased. The minister's son was chosen to say the appropriate prayers and with sonorous dignity intoned his version of what he thought his father always said: "Glory be unto the Father, and the Son, and into the hole he goes.'
Linda, I heard that all the way from the couch where I've been vegging all day! All I can say is it's a good thing I didn't hit submit to the last post I made last night! I spared you all. My hubby made me two killer drinks last night and took advantage of me, boy did he ever take advantage of me! hehe Hey a new Sofa! Yay!
MsM, When I took care of my MIL while she was on Hospice and we used a Catheter and it helped us a lot. The only time she ever felt pain from getting it in or changing it to a new one was if the nurse doing it wasn't very good at it, most of the time she didn't even feel it being done. Everyone is different so it's your call. The Hospice Nurse will be the one to start it and show you how to do it if that's what you decide. BTW, I love your sense of humor with the Einstein poster! As far as your relative goes I say we round up the CG Posse and we go asshole hunt'n!
Kim, It's hard to be upbeat when your sick or just plain old exhausted. I don't have it as bad as most of you gals here do with your parents. We have our days and nights sure but Dad is still able to go to the bathroom or use a urinal and he still knows my name, etc. You said the Spidey was as big as a fist? HOLY CRAP that's a big one! I have an idea.. o.O get a fishing pole and put ur Dad in the chair in the room and put a fly on the hook and tell your Dad he's gonna catch a spidey! that is if he is able to. if he can't get someone to do it and get out ur gun :) I'd blow that spidey to smitherines! Just make sure you hit the spidey, LOL Yeah just call me Spider Killa!
Today when the dogs all went out this morning and I brought them back in I told them NO POO or Mama was gonna get her gun! We had no Poo today! :) Of course I sat on the couch all day hold'n my gun while given em all the evil eye!
Six-year-old Alex complained to his mother, "I've got a stomach ache." "That's because your stomach is empty," she replied. "You'd feel better if you had something in it." That afternoon Alex's dad came home complaining that he'd suffred from a bad headache all day. Alex perked up, "That's because it is empty," he sais. "You'd feel better if you had something in it."
Father and Son, #2
Ben was returning from the farmers market with a crate of chickens his farmer dad had entrusted to him. All of a sudden, the box fell off the wagon and the door fell open. Chickens scurried off in every direction. Ben was a determined boy; he walked all over the neighbor- hood and scooped up the wayward birds. Hoping he had found them all, he returned home, pretty sure he'd be scolded. "Dad, the chickiens got loose," Ben confessed sadly, "but I managed to find twelve of them." "Well, you did real good, son" the dad said. "You started with seven."
Female POV
Men are like parking spaces. The good ones are taken and the only ones left are handicapped.
-- So much for Mom being peaceful - when I went to change her wet diap before bed there was a fight and she won. She was snarling, and she hit me repeatedly on the hands and arms, surely has left bruises on my wrists from grabbing them, fighting me every inch of the way. Once I managed to get the diaper at least somewhat on her she ripped the front of it open. I was of course in tears and in pain, and I just pulled the covers back up over her and left the room to go for a shower and clean up. She's been asleep ever since. What am i suppsed to do? My husband came in to help me when he heard the rukus, but I ran him out. I don't want him to have to go through this - he shouldn't have to. I don't know what I'm supposed to do.
You know the ribs were great but the rest of today has really sucked.
mariesmom - i think if she starts to fight u then i would have walked away and leave her alone . wait till she perks up and smiles then u ll know its safe to change her . geeze , im sorry , hugs to u dear . cricket ! u sure had a greattime uh ! glad the dogs knows no no poopy in the house haha , accidents do happens tho . oh my gosh its almost midnight here and im yawnin so much . been a long day , guess i ll turn in and snuggle on the couch mmm , night you all xoxox
One day, Paul complained to his friend, "You know, my elbow is killing me. I guess I should see a doctor."
"Don't do that!" said his friend. "There's a computer at the drug store that can diagnose anything, quicker and cheaper than a doctor. Simply feed the computer a sample of your urine and it will diagnose your problem for only bucks."
Paul figured he had nothing to lose, so he filled a jar with a urine sample and walked to the drug store. Then, he poured the urine sample into the computer and deposited bucks. The computer started making some noise and a number of lights started flashing. After a brief moment, out popped a small slip of paper which read:
'You have tennis elbow. Soak your arm in warm water. Avoid heavy labor. It will be better in two weeks.'
That evening, while thinking how amazing this new technology was and how it would change medical science forever, Paul began to wonder if the computer could be fooled. He decided to give it a try. He mixed together some tap water, a stool sample from his pet dog, and urine samples from both his wife and daughter. To top it off, he masturbated into the mix.
The next day, Paul returned to drug store and poured the sample into the computer. Next, he deposited bucks. The computer started making some noise and a number of lights started flashing. After a brief moment, out popped a small slip of paper which read:
'Your tap water is too hard... get a water softener. Your dog has ringworm... bathe him with anti-fungal shampoo. Your daughter is using cocaine... put her in a rehab clinic. Your wife is pregnant with twin girls and they aren't yours... get a lawyer. And, if you don't stop jerking off, your tennis elbow will never get better.'
desparate...what have you had to deal with?? wet beds poop all over everything. getting up time after time at night no sleep day or night? food all over drink all over. the blank look that a husband gives you when he has no idea who you are and seeing him talk to the man in the mirror. Dont tell us to quit bitching maybe you need a heart ache like us true buddies on this site have. I feel I can tell them anything, if it bothers you just dont log on!!
cricket youre killin me !! wow would that be neat if there is such thing ? there prob are out there somewhere , where is it ? i would like to try that out lol . prob tell me to lay off coffee and beer ,
MsM. So sorry you got that response. Thrust upon us! Now that statement takes the cake! What an arrogant ass! Makes me see red!! Time to shrink his head. May be therapeutic for you! Take an apple and carve out some features. Features that resemble the a%%h#%e that we are all speaking about. Sit the apple in a sunny window and watch it shrink to the size of a pea. Features will become more prominent when shrinking begins. Look at the head shrinking day by day and laugh your ass off! My Mom taught me that one! I think she learned it from her mom...etc. When it gets to the point in which it will fit into an envelope, mail with no return address! It will scare the s^*t out of him!
If I find the spider. I will also send that to him! Hehehe OMG I am in an evil mood tonight. Hang in there. We have your back! Love you and sending hugs to you,husband,and your Mom
Msm...what does your brother mean that the time has been rudely thrus upon US? Where was he when you had to make that decision? Where was he when you were doing it ALL everyday until you just about dropped dead? How would he like to take Marie to His house while the clock ticks down? God save us from siblings!!!
For abyone thinking of hospice care give it a chance I have only heard good things about it. As for short sale my neighbors have that abd the sign out front is the same as any for sale sign-it takes about 1 and 1/2 years but you stay in the house all that time and it is much better than forclosing from what I see,
Linda thanks for asking we did ok with running genarator 12 hre and off 12 even had two neighbors using it for their freezers. My friend calls me every evening and we talk about our day and will be meeting for lunch soon-we each drive about an hour-it is nice to have a kind man to talk to each day and plan on getting out and taking walks again, Love you guys-Maxine
Hi everyone! Just wanted to stop in and say hello. I have been busy, like always, and haven't stopped going for a while. We are trying to move into our new house, and just taking a break feels like it's never going to get done. Mom fell out of bed last night, and I thought she had a stroke, but she is fine, and so am I. I hope everyone here is doing OK, I am sending you all a hug, and a hope for a good day. Talk to you soon. April
Anne, you are in my thoughts and i am hoping you get better soon. I'm not sure if you've heard of a Neti pot but it's a way to use warm salt water to flush out your sinus. It helps to wash out all the yuck and heal faster. I'm not sure if I spelled it's name correctly but you can get it pretty much at any pharmacy for about 8-12 bucks.
Kim, I like you're evil side :) Love the Apple Idea! I might start an apple ledge.
I know it's really painful and infuriating when someone posts rude comments based on their own issues and ignorance, but it's also easier to let it go if we accept apologies and forgive. We have to much other crap in life to deal with so lets all let go of the crap that happens in here at times. I know at one time or another in our lives we have all "opened mouth and inserted foot" and it sure makes it easier to change if we are forgiven. I know it's easier to do if you're not the one insulted but nevertheless it's healthier mentally, emotionally and physically if we let it go. Love you guys, all of you!
I've got so much clutter and clean up to do around the house today and I'm not really up to it but that's the way it is so here goes. I'll be back later with a joke or two, or maybe sooner with a rant or two. :)
My mom would from time to time send me newspaper clippings re people dying strangely or updates on the latest escaped convicts - so at the risk of sounding like Marie do be very careful using Neti pots. They are wonderful and my youngest daughter has used them with great success - but ONLY sterile, distilled, or boiled water should be used in neti pots - never direct from the tap! A young man from SE Louisiana died this summer soon after using his - they traced it to amoeba in the home's water system. So there Marie - i write this post for you.
Mom not doing well today. Quiet, compliant, eating very little. Did i post already that i caved and did accept my husbands offer to help me change her? He is quite the wonderful man, that one. Handsome too. I am so very lucky in so many ways.
aprildawn ! so good to see you ! happy to hear from you aswell too ! moving into a new home well oh lala . keep in touch dear and please do things one thing at a time . you only have one body ... 2 arms . pa would say turn on pasty cline and put me in bed and and and , i said whoa i only have two hands and im putting u in bed pa , one thing at a time dear ... come back again when u get all stettled in . cricket - love ya girl u make me smile tons ... mariesmom - my dad was like that and i thought he was dying for 3 yrs well maybe going on 4 yrs now . they have good and bad days , damn dementia ! it does fool us everytime . tmr maybe ur mom will be perky up and everythings all a ok . i did think that he wouldnt lasted this summer well sumers about over and he s propped up in bed smilin and eating a hersey bar candy . n watching good old western movie . your hubby sound slike my hubby , yes please let him help you cuz maybe one day ure sick in bed and he knows how to take care of ur mom cuz he helped ya alot . gotta train em ya know ,. yes u are very very very lucky !! most caregivers has to chose huby or the mom or dad . and that is selfish ! my hubby said ur dad s so good to us when we didnt have a pot to piss in and he was there to have a pot to piss in and he ll never forget that . he loves my dad , hubby lost his dad back in 1982 , massive heart attack . so my dad is his dad . gawd it was a very sad day and blew us all away back in 1982 , unexpected moments , it was snowing out and it was a bad feb winter . snowstorm !!! love you all !!! austin ! youre a blessing on this site and youre such a good person . hope one day u and ur friend could go meet bobbie and her boat . i know bobbie would be on cloud nine if ya did that . road trip !!!! today it is rainin and that is good , we need it bad , heard tmr it ll be 70 degree well that means mean ole potatoe soup in the open fire tmr . :-) cant wait !!! alrighty going out to the barn have a beer or 2 with hubby then i shall get supper a going , yuck i hate cookin ! wheres christina at ? shes suppose be cookin ! :-) meow later folks xoxo
By proceeding, I agree that I understand the following disclosures:
I. How We Work in Washington.
Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services.
APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid.
We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour.
APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
IV. No Obligation or Commitment.
You have no obligation to use or to continue to use our services. Because you pay no fee to us, you will never need to ask for a refund.
V. Complaints.
Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights.
APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.
I agree that:
A.
I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information").
B.
APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink.
C.
APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site.
D.
If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records.
E.
This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year.
F.
You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
sorry you had to deal with that and ya, it's bs.
Hey Desparate! Thx for the love and I appreciate it and that's no kidding.
Welcome to the Grossed Out thread and we all hope you keep posting here and vent and live!
Don't worry about not knowing about the whole thang... you know now and if you hang out here we will keep you from going totally bonkers.
Lot of love here and a lot of funny.
love you all way more than you know....
MsM a retired Navy Commander, eh? I bet he would know how to empty the Cat box on this boat.......
lovbob
bobbie - i am so sorry that despr barked at ya , well thats too bad , theres people out there just dont get it and theres people out there is just funny as hell and love em to pieces ohh lala .
AUSTIN !! i am so glad u have genrator oh mygosh , no power ! oh lord hope it gets going again soon . u have a very smart son and u give him a hug for me ! he takes good care of you ! my blessing to you ...
wheres cricket ? bet she got a hang over . hee heee .
jsomebody - is it ur hip ure talkin about or its FP s hip ? my hip used to hurt when i worked at the factory , its the damn cement floors . now hubby complains his hip is achin . mine doesnt bother me anymore . u live in basement so maybe that is why ? hope u get better soon dear .
storm came and left , didnt get much rain either . poor louie he ran to the living room and was trying to get under the couch and couldnt , he couldnt figure out what is happening ! he goes there when its thundering , he was so scared and decided to run in the bdrm under the bed lol . new couch and it s on the floor , old couch is like five inches off the floor . poor louie , anyway im glad he cant get under there cuz when i pulled out the old couch and whoa wow tons of his hair under there . thought maybe i ll see wolf spider nana didnt see any whew !
mariesmom , i still wanna help u kick him hard . xoxo
While walking along the sidewalk in front of his church, our
minister heard the intoning of a prayer that nearly made
his collar wilt. Apparently, his 5-year-old son and his
playnates had found a dead robin. Feeling that proper
burial should be performed, thye had secured a small
box and cotton batting, then dug a hole and made
ready for the disposal of the deceased. The
minister's son was chosen to say the appropriate
prayers and with sonorous dignity intoned his
version of what he thought his father always said:
"Glory be unto the Father, and the Son,
and into the hole he goes.'
(I want this line used at my funeral!)
MsM, When I took care of my MIL while she was on Hospice and we used a Catheter and it helped us a lot. The only time she ever felt pain from getting it in or changing it to a new one was if the nurse doing it wasn't very good at it, most of the time she didn't even feel it being done. Everyone is different so it's your call. The Hospice Nurse will be the one to start it and show you how to do it if that's what you decide. BTW, I love your sense of humor with the Einstein poster! As far as your relative goes I say we round up the CG Posse and we go asshole hunt'n!
Kim, It's hard to be upbeat when your sick or just plain old exhausted. I don't have it as bad as most of you gals here do with your parents. We have our days and nights sure but Dad is still able to go to the bathroom or use a urinal and he still knows my name, etc. You said the Spidey was as big as a fist? HOLY CRAP that's a big one! I have an idea.. o.O get a fishing pole and put ur Dad in the chair in the room and put a fly on the hook and tell your Dad he's gonna catch a spidey! that is if he is able to. if he can't get someone to do it and get out ur gun :) I'd blow that spidey to smitherines! Just make sure you hit the spidey, LOL Yeah just call me Spider Killa!
Today when the dogs all went out this morning and I brought them back in I told them NO POO or Mama was gonna get her gun! We had no Poo today! :) Of course I sat on the couch all day hold'n my gun while given em all the evil eye!
and into the hole he goes.'
Me to Cuz!
Six-year-old Alex complained to his mother, "I've
got a stomach ache."
"That's because your stomach is empty," she replied.
"You'd feel better if you had something in it."
That afternoon Alex's dad came home complaining
that he'd suffred from a bad headache all day.
Alex perked up, "That's because it is empty," he sais.
"You'd feel better if you had something in it."
Father and Son, #2
Ben was returning from the farmers market with a
crate of chickens his farmer dad had entrusted to him.
All of a sudden, the box fell off the wagon and the door
fell open. Chickens scurried off in every direction. Ben
was a determined boy; he walked all over the neighbor-
hood and scooped up the wayward birds. Hoping he
had found them all, he returned home, pretty sure he'd
be scolded.
"Dad, the chickiens got loose," Ben confessed sadly,
"but I managed to find twelve of them."
"Well, you did real good, son" the dad said. "You
started with seven."
Female POV
Men are like parking spaces. The good ones are taken
and the only ones left are handicapped.
--
So much for Mom being peaceful - when I went to change her wet diap before bed there was a fight and she won. She was snarling, and she hit me repeatedly on the hands and arms, surely has left bruises on my wrists from grabbing them, fighting me every inch of the way. Once I managed to get the diaper at least somewhat on her she ripped the front of it open. I was of course in tears and in pain, and I just pulled the covers back up over her and left the room to go for a shower and clean up. She's been asleep ever since. What am i suppsed to do? My husband came in to help me when he heard the rukus, but I ran him out. I don't want him to have to go through this - he shouldn't have to. I don't know what I'm supposed to do.
You know the ribs were great but the rest of today has really sucked.
lovCuz
People just don't understand ...
they can't imagine!
That's why you found the Grossed Out thread.
cricket ! u sure had a greattime uh ! glad the dogs knows no no poopy in the house haha , accidents do happens tho . oh my gosh its almost midnight here and im yawnin so much .
been a long day , guess i ll turn in and snuggle on the couch mmm , night you all xoxox
"Don't do that!" said his friend. "There's a computer at the drug store that can diagnose anything, quicker and cheaper than a doctor. Simply feed the computer a sample of your urine and it will diagnose your problem for only bucks."
Paul figured he had nothing to lose, so he filled a jar with a urine sample and walked to the drug store. Then, he poured the urine sample into the computer and deposited bucks. The computer started making some noise and a number of lights started flashing. After a brief moment, out popped a small slip of paper which read:
'You have tennis elbow. Soak your arm in warm water. Avoid heavy labor. It will be better in two weeks.'
That evening, while thinking how amazing this new technology was and how it would change medical science forever, Paul began to wonder if the computer could be fooled. He decided to give it a try. He mixed together some tap water, a stool sample from his pet dog, and urine samples from both his wife and daughter. To top it off, he masturbated into the mix.
The next day, Paul returned to drug store and poured the sample into the computer. Next, he deposited bucks. The computer started making some noise and a number of lights started flashing. After a brief moment, out popped a small slip of paper which read:
'Your tap water is too hard... get a water softener. Your dog has ringworm... bathe him with anti-fungal shampoo. Your daughter is using cocaine... put her in a rehab clinic. Your wife is pregnant with twin girls and they aren't yours... get a lawyer. And, if you don't stop jerking off, your tennis elbow will never get better.'
wow would that be neat if there is such thing ?
there prob are out there somewhere , where is it ?
i would like to try that out lol . prob tell me to lay off coffee and beer ,
If I find the spider. I will also send that to him! Hehehe
OMG I am in an evil mood tonight. Hang in there. We have your back! Love you and sending hugs to you,husband,and your Mom
Just wanted to say good night. I've been working today to see a bus off and then I've been working on redoing our website.
So far mom is dealing with the 2 antibiotics pretty well. A little confused but nothing major.
I see we have had another misguided soul on the thread. At least they had the balls to apologize.
Well, I have to go to bed before mom is up again. Have a good night. Those of you being affected by the storm, please be safe.
Luv ya,
Diane
Anne, you are in my thoughts and i am hoping you get better soon. I'm not sure if you've heard of a Neti pot but it's a way to use warm salt water to flush out your sinus. It helps to wash out all the yuck and heal faster. I'm not sure if I spelled it's name correctly but you can get it pretty much at any pharmacy for about 8-12 bucks.
Kim, I like you're evil side :) Love the Apple Idea! I might start an apple ledge.
I know it's really painful and infuriating when someone posts rude comments based on their own issues and ignorance, but it's also easier to let it go if we accept apologies and forgive. We have to much other crap in life to deal with so lets all let go of the crap that happens in here at times. I know at one time or another in our lives we have all "opened mouth and inserted foot" and it sure makes it easier to change if we are forgiven. I know it's easier to do if you're not the one insulted but nevertheless it's healthier mentally, emotionally and physically if we let it go. Love you guys, all of you!
I've got so much clutter and clean up to do around the house today and I'm not really up to it but that's the way it is so here goes. I'll be back later with a joke or two, or maybe sooner with a rant or two. :)
Mom not doing well today. Quiet, compliant, eating very little. Did i post already that i caved and did accept my husbands offer to help me change her? He is quite the wonderful man, that one. Handsome too. I am so very lucky in so many ways.
cricket - love ya girl u make me smile tons ...
mariesmom - my dad was like that and i thought he was dying for 3 yrs well maybe going on 4 yrs now . they have good and bad days , damn dementia ! it does fool us everytime . tmr maybe ur mom will be perky up and everythings all a ok . i did think that he wouldnt lasted this summer well sumers about over and he s propped up in bed smilin and eating a hersey bar candy . n watching good old western movie . your hubby sound slike my hubby , yes please let him help you cuz maybe one day ure sick in bed and he knows how to take care of ur mom cuz he helped ya alot . gotta train em ya know ,. yes u are very very very lucky !! most caregivers has to chose huby or the mom or dad . and that is selfish ! my hubby said ur dad s so good to us when we didnt have a pot to piss in and he was there to have a pot to piss in and he ll never forget that . he loves my dad , hubby lost his dad back in 1982 , massive heart attack . so my dad is his dad . gawd it was a very sad day and blew us all away back in 1982 , unexpected moments , it was snowing out and it was a bad feb winter . snowstorm !!!
love you all !!!
austin ! youre a blessing on this site and youre such a good person . hope one day u and ur friend could go meet bobbie and her boat . i know bobbie would be on cloud nine if ya did that . road trip !!!!
today it is rainin and that is good , we need it bad , heard tmr it ll be 70 degree well that means mean ole potatoe soup in the open fire tmr . :-) cant wait !!!
alrighty going out to the barn have a beer or 2 with hubby then i shall get supper a going , yuck i hate cookin ! wheres christina at ? shes suppose be cookin ! :-)
meow later folks xoxo