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Anyone using the NASA diaper? Just came across them on Amazon. They are what the astronauts wear, they are highly reviewed, AND they are considerably cheaper than what Ive been spending on the Abena diaper, which is a great diaper. NASA diapers are $1.15 apiece + shipping
These must be the same diapers that crazy astronaut lady wore when she drove all night to try and kill her lovers wife - remember? I knew she was crazy right off because unless she had a really big gas tank she was going to have to stop for gas anyway so what was with the diaper? I digress . . .
But these NASA diapers are made for 12 hrs, maximum 3 changes recommended per day, they tell you when they are wet, they protect the skin, they keep the bed dry, they are retapeable - acording to the writeup and the reviews they do everything short of changing themselves!
Really - what has my life become that I get so excited about an adult diaper? And actualy disappointed that since Hospice is supplying mine i have no real reason to buy these for Mom? ---- So I sent out an email today to friends and loved ones and also my two "never called or visited good for nothing waiting for Mom to die to get their inheritance brothers" to let them know she was in Hospice, and thanking 'all who have been so remarkable in their support these last many years' Thus far I've heard from everyone else but them . . . how surprising.
I swear - maybe what I should do is take Mom and the people that have been supportive on a big, fancy trip somewhere and spend all that money so they can't wait to get their hands on it! NYC, anyone? I've been dying to see a show!
mariesmom ! count me in !!! lol .... fed everybody , gave hubby haircut and now he s gone to bed , am ging to go outside and play with my doggies before it gets dark to put em up for the night , pa s fed and full so thats good , now he s watching tv and listing to pasty cline , how he loves her .... cricket - ure funny and love the jokes ... meow at ya all later !! christina- rip i see youuuu . :-) xoxoxo
God I heard that...Space Pants...when that is the excitement......Maybe I could go watch my pumpkins grow for a few hours.... Where is Christina? Been a while..... Same crap here...literally... Good Labor Day Weekend everyone...or is it the other one?
Quotations "When I was 5 years old my mother always told me that happiness was the key to life. When I went to school, they asked me what I wanted to be when I grew up. I wrote down "happy". They told me i didn't understand the assignment and I told them they didn't understand life." - John Lennon
aint that cute . saw that and i liked it so well i figured i shall share it with ya all . goodnight , im heading for bed . xoxox
TWO ELDERLY GENTS DECIDED THEY WERE CLOSE TO THEIR LAST DAYS AND DECIDE TO HAVE A LAST NIGHT ON THE TOWN. AFTER A FEW DRINKS, THEY END UP AT THE LOCAL BROTHEL
THE MADAM TAKES ONE LOOK AT THE TWO OLD GEEZERS AND WHISPERS TO HER MANAGER,
'GO UP TO THE FIRST TWO BEDROOMS AND PUT AN INFLATED DOLL IN EACH BED. THESE TWO ARE SO OLD AND DRUNK, I'M NOT WASTING TWO OF MY GIRLS ON THEM. THEY WON'T KNOW THE DIFFERENCE.
THE MANAGER DOES AS HE IS TOLD AND THE TWO OLD MEN GO UPSTAIRS AND TAKE CARE OF THEIR BUSINESS.
AS THEY ARE WALKING HOME THE FIRST MAN SAYS, YOU KNOW, I THINK MY GIRL WAS DEAD!'
'DEAD?' SAYS HIS FRIEND, 'WHY DO YOU SAY THAT?' 'WELL, SHE NEVER MOVED OR MADE A SOUND ALL THE TIME I WAS LOVING HER.
HIS FRIEND SAYS, 'COULD BE WORSE I THINK MINE WAS A WITCH.
A WITCH ??. . WHY THE HELL WOULD YOU SAY THAT? 'WELL, I WAS MAKING LOVE TO HER, KISSING HER ON THE NECK, AND I GAVE HER A LITTLE BITE, THEN SHE FARTED AND FLEW OUT THE WINDOW... TOOK MY TEETH WITH HER!
Message bodyA man wakes up in the hospital bandaged from head to foot. The doctor comes in and says, "Ah, I see you've regained consciousness. Now you probably won't remember, but you were in a huge pile-up on the freeway. You're going to be ok, you'll walk again and everything, but your penis was severed in the accident and we couldn't find it." The man groans, but the doctor goes on, "You have $9000 in insurance compensation coming and we now have the technology to build a new penis. They work great but they don't come cheap. It's roughly $1000 an inch." The man perks up. "So," the doctor says, "You must decide how many inches you want. But I understand that you have been married for over thirty years and this is something you should discuss with your wife. If you had a five incher before and get a nine incher now she might be a bit put out. If you had a nine incher before and you decide to only invest in a five incher now, she might be disappointed. It's important that she plays a role in helping you make a decision." The man agrees to talk it over with his wife. The doctor comes back the next day, "So, have you spoken with your wife?" "Yes I have," says the man. "And has she helped you make a decision?" "Yes" says the man. "What is your decision?" asks the doctor.
I, the Penis, hereby request a raise in salary for the following reasons: I do physical labor. I work at great depths. I plunge headfirst into everything I do. I do not get weekends or public holidays off. I work in a damp environment. I work in a dark workplace that has poor ventilation. I work in high temperatures. My work exposes me to contagious diseases. Sincerely,
P. Niss
The Response
Dear P. Niss: After assessing your request, and considering the arguments you have raised, the administration rejects your request for the following reasons: You do not work 8 hours straight. You fall asleep after brief work periods. You do not always follow the orders of the management team. You do not stay in your designated area and are often seen visiting other locations. You do not take initiative - you need to be pressured and stimulated in order to start working. You leave the workplace rather messy at the end of your shift. You don't always observe necessary safety regulations, such as wearing the Correct protective clothing. You will retire well before you are 65. You are unable to work double shifts. You sometimes leave your designated work area before you have completed the assigned task... And if that were not all, you have been seen constantly entering and exiting the workplace carrying two suspicious-looking bags. Sincerely,
V. Gina
TOO FUNNY NOT TO PASS IT ON !HOPE IT MADE YOU LAUGH!
Don't Mix Your Meds! Getting old is so hard at times. Yesterday I got Preperation 'H' mixed up with Poli-grip Now I talk like an asshole. ... but my gums don't itch.
having some very strong coffee and thinking about Linda and I hope she is not disappointed when she has coffee on the boat!
It is so good to see everyone posting here and I love the fact that we have wonderful voices in Cricket (great jokes btw) and Mariesmom and Ksobie and annt as well as Kuli and Jen and Linda and RIP and Miz and CUZ and the Jokes! it was really good to see Ted and congratulations again for doing such a wonderful interview with ABC online. stellar. Flex is going through the trials along with Deef. working their nards off. MAXINE!! where are you girl? check in and let us know that you're ok. I know that Christina is crazy busy with all kinds of civic activities and doing a great job in her community. Rossella is having a little vacation and soon I will be heading north to hopefully end the insanity. There is another hurricane approaching and it's too early to see what she will do but I have to go whatever the weather and that is the end of that.
I wonder about pirate and kelleybean and Pamela and selfish sibs and ssk and the ones I have missed and I hope that everyone is doing ok and is finding some peace somewhere in the midst of their insane caregiving.
Thanks MsM for educating us on the hospice situation. Huge and boy do I wish that had been more available when I was in the trenches. I can see the differences in just a few years since when I started and what is available now. Hospice came in 15 minutes before mom died. wow.
Good Morning Everyone. I took my Boniva this morning so I had to wait an hour before coffee. Talk about not fun!! But, I have weak bones so it's worth it. I wonder why a person can't bend over or lay down for an hour after they take it. Hmm. I went to an exercise class and it was good but man I am so uncoordinated. It was also very hot even though the ac was on. They have the classes at a church and it's free. Can't beat that. :) I want to get fit and feel better. Gotta make myself.
Yep, Bobbie, we have a wonderful crew here. It's a very good thing. I'm looking forward to 3 days off work and I just work 3 days next week. We are still trying to get this house organized but it's gonna take awhile. We are trying to figure out if we can afford a little getaway this weekend. We will probably end up staying home. That's okay. Maybe we can go out to eat and to a movie or something.
To those of you in the trenches of care giving I must commend you for your humor. It is admirable when life is so stressful and physically tiring and painful.
Everyone, have as good a day as you can. I'm with Bobbie. People please check in. We do worry and care so much.
Good morning everyone, I'm still hanging in here, doing OK. The hospice keeps bugging me about respite, so I am going to go for it . My mom can get a 5 day stay in a facility. I hope the next storm goes out to sea and doesn't bother us!! I've sort of adapted to having renters here. One has left and a new one will move in Monday, and stay thru the winter. So that'll be good. I've been able to get out mornings and do stuff so have continued with the jogging, and kayaking. Part of the reason I have had to get in shape, is that my health insurance ran out and I am no longer taking blood pressure, cholesterol, meds, or any meds. I feel healthy as a horse now, assuming horses are healthy. I'll shut up now so I don't jinx it. Hope everyone has a good day, and the stress stays away!
Charlie said "sometimes life serves up shit pie and all you can do is take a slice" I learned a lot from Charlie and I'm sure he was looking down on me this morning laughing and crying. I woke up this morning grabbed a cup of coffee and headed to the doggie/computer room and when I opened the door my eyes got real big and I said OMG! Gave my old little dog Blackie some Pupperoni's last night and Walla! Diarrhea all over the rug, spewed out in about 14 areas. Took all the other 4 dogs out to go potty in the rain then brought them back in. Cleaned up the rug, rolled it up to toss it out.. sat down to have my coffee, took my meds, listened to positive motivational speaker for a few minutes to get a good positive frame of mind, got up to go to the br and saw pile of dog shit, cleaned it up, errr! went to the br, came out another pile of dog shit, cleaned it up, errrr errrr. Told myself to let it go, don't let it get to me. The dogs just held it in cause of the rain, let it go, just let it go, went to kitchen to warm up my now half cup of coffee, another pile of dog shit! clean it up, disgusted, tell myself to let it go, don't let it get to you, decided to go out to the garage where hubby was working to get a change of mood, telling myself to just let it go, hubby says.. "sometimes we are the bug, other times the windshield", yep he's Charlies son. Started to feel better, gave hubby kiss, headed back into house, opened door, HUGE pile of dog shit! Tears welling up, cleaned it up.. saying to self, let it go, just let it go, put 2 bigger male dogs out with hubby. come in here to vent, hubby comes in house with big bag of Pup-peroni's feeding dogs! o.O "let it go" "just let it go" time to get out of pj's, and head for the pool, hopefully the chlorine cleared out any residues from Dad's episode last week, "let it go"...let it go. Dad comes into room wants to talk about how wonderful doggies are.... let it go..let it go.... I'm heading to the pool now with my mantra... let it go.
Hi everyone, 106..Gah miz I would literally die...at 95 I am in front of the fan spritzing water on my legs! Talked to Christina, doing OK just busy. Piles of shit...God that seems to be the ongoing theme here but really what is worse than shit? Vomit maybe? mmm a close second..... Adult Day Health for Fart Pants today so at least he isn't here.... Ted is a celebrity, Go ed Go Ted! Hi to all my AC buds, and stay safe and sane over yet another weekend....
Ya I know, Jen. I was sweatin' at work in the ac yesterday. Wanted to take my slip off but worried people would be able to see through my dress. Glad FP is at Adult Day Health. I'm thinkin' the smell of diarrhea has gotta be worse than vomit but I never had to deal with vomit with Mom so I could be wrong. I guess the nastiness of vomit would be in looking at it. Ugh!!
Well, I can assure you that in my job, I've had to deal with shit, vomit, urine, you name it. Those don't hold a candle to some of the things I've seen and smelled. But I won't even go there. This may be the Grossed out thread but even with that there are limits. I don't think it's so much WHAT it is as HOW MUCH of it there is to deal with that makes any of it hard to tolerate. Anyway, having a STELLAR day at work today - hope you all caught the sarcasm. And expect to be arguing about the need or lack of need for caregivers with dad again tonite. At least I'll be enjoying a glass of wine while he rants. Hope all have a good day! Those of us in the heat - try to stay cool, Kuli
ssk- great to see you !! wonderful to hear from you and that ure excerising and keepin up and miz is too , mm i shall start doing that . jsomebody - do some dancing while FP is at the adult care woo woo . cricket- oh my gosh if it was me i would kick all the dogs out and make sure the rain washes away thier stinky butt and shit disappeard in the yard . sand will swallow it up in no time , oh gosh no more speical treats for em plzz . lol it gave them the shits !!! i can just smell it while u said to let it go , i cant let it go cuz i can smell it clear up here :-) . pool is nice yep chlrine will kill ur sense of smell , whew u lucky ! man i feel for ya ! next pile hopefully hubby will take turns to clean it up . bobbie i only will be disapointed if u have no coffee . if u have no coffee we ll jump on someone eles boat and steal some :-) . u have a safe trip going back to nj and if u do stop at ted s give him and his mom a big hug for me . i would love to meet them one day , hell i wanna meet all of you one day ! someday we all shall do that . kim - ure just down the road and hope it wont take us forever to meet . wendys for lunch ? :-) .. i got cold in here so i put on my footisey socks on and went outside and got warm up . wow its realy windy and dry leaves are fallin . notice the tree s are turning colors ., sniff soon the snow flakes be fallin . i like snow so im realy not complainin , only complain about the cold .... i dont like the cold ... rather be hot and sweaty . missing christina meowin here . i know shes busy cookin me gator tails :-) austin- hope ure good . did u run off and get married and had a honey moon ? ill throw u some rice ! :-) pa s sleeping amd sleeping . poor guy , tld my sis i think i rather be sleeping alot when i get old . wanted to get him up this mornin , noooooooooo i wanna stay in bed , ok pa ... bless his heart . i love my dad ...
I've heard that Apple has scrapped their plans for the new children's-oriented iPod after realizing that iTouch Kids is not a good product name.
In a local sports bar trivia quiz the other night, I lost by one point. The question was, where do women mostly have curly hair? Apparently, it's Africa
A friend of mine has just told me he's shagging his girlfriend and her twin.. I asked, "How can you tell them apart?" He said, "Her brother has a moustache"
Just put a deposit down on a brand new Porsche and mentioned it on Facebook. I said "I can't wait for the new 911 to arrive!" Next thing I know 4000 Muslims have added me as a friend!!
Being a modest man, when I checked into my hotel on a recent trip, I said to the lady at the registration desk ... "I hope the porn channel in my room is disabled." To which she replied, "No, it's regular porn, you sick bastard.”
The red cross knocked at my door asking if I could help towards the floods in Pakistan . I said I would love to, but my hose only reaches the bottom of the driveway.
I am going to jump in here 6 days is too much to catch up on. Here in the lower Hudson Valley we did get Irene but good and many places still do not have power and won't for many days. We got it back after 5 days but we had a generator which we ran while my son was home for about 12 hrs and two neighbors were able to plug in their freezers in to save their food. Linda thanks for sending the angels Ted great hearing from you and hope you got through it ok Marie I am so sorry that it has gotten so hard for you and am glad you are in our crew.could you get a commode for her from medicade or maybe someone near you has ons stuffed away not being used who would let you borrow or give it to you I am so glad that Bobbie is able to give some pointers she is a very wise and good women.
Oh Cricket you poor thing. You must love your dogs a whole lot not to get mad at them though not their fault! Still kinda funny the way your described it. Personally I think vomit or rather when someone is vomiting that upsets my tum the most. I used to gag when I'd just hear someone vomiting. Still don't like it but at least when my Mom is doing it I have become immune to it. Cannot say I would think the same about anyone else puking though. Think I would start heaving then. Hope things have cooled off for you guys. Newspapers have just told us its been the coldest summer here in 50yrs...Re Hurricane Irene - My brother in Freeport L.I. tells me he got 8inches of water in his home - could have been a lot worse. Hope all of you in the path of the Hurricane escaped any effects. Sorry I've not been on the blog for a few days...been too tired with work and Mom to even log on. Annie
went to the pool, swam about 50 laps and decided to stop there so I won't be to sore after having to stop for the last 2 weeks, kept saying my mantra.. let it go, let it go, let it go, *WARNING* (skip this next sentence if it's TMI for you) got out of the pool, got a sharp pain in my stomach and literally had to run to the commode!!! Okay so maybe my new mantra wasn't exactly the best one to come up with but boy do I feel better!! I think there is an old saying about if you can't stop them, join em? At least I don't feel so bloated anymore! Wha? Oh and before you ask, NO I didn't eat any of the Pup-peroni's.
Hey Bobbie thanks for the sign idea!! I only wish I had the heart to do it. I suppose I could be positive and look for the bright side of this morning experience. That would be that I got all the poo piles cleaned up before shuffling Dad decided to walk around the house.. I think I have shared that story before.
In other News... Dogs got another squirrel *note to self, clean up dead carcase in the yard, think up new mantra.... maybe you guys can help me come up with a better mantra for the rest of the day? I'm thinking since it's so HOT..... when given lemons.. make Lemonaid, no mine would be more like... when given shit.. make Brownies? No can't do that... must stay away from sugar. Okay I need help... going to go find a joke..
Just checkin in...been reading all your posts. You guys are so funny!! I've been sleeping most of the day. Gave mom a percocet for her pain and it made her sleep for a while. I took advantage of that. My Dr called in a Zpak for this sinus infection relapse. I've always heard that relapses are worse than the first sickness. I think maybe the old saying is true. My balance is so off it's a contest to see who will fall first me or mama. I'm trying to help her walk and I'm staggering all over the place. I'm beginning to understand how she feels most of the time.
Going to lay back down. Yall have a good day and "just let it go"....I think that's a great mantra.
Let it go, let it flow, let it snow, let it blow, let it stay there until someone else cleans it up...
you know here I say, Vent and Live... Cricket's dogs are saying, Sh!t and Live... Cricket is saying they might have to Split to Live.... sometimes you know you just have to Quit to Live.... and my favorite: Take my advice, I'm not using it....
the above was written by someone high on caffeine.
yes, it is a good song! Especially the part of letting someone else clean it up. At least when my dogs vomit they take care of it themselves, LOL
Anne, I hope you are getting well rested, just keep working at it and get better.
Linda, you and I could get into a lot of mischief together.. boat hopping! I'm always up for a great adventure. I will bring the Irish Cream for our coffee so it won't matter how bad it is :) Speaking about boat hopping.. it would be fun to all buy those little boat houses and connect to each of our houses with those fun chicken bridges, just THINK we could CREATE our own little town at sea and pay NO TAXES! Poopie Diapers, no problem, dump em and feed the fish! Burn the leftovers on the poop deck. Dog shit, no problem.... just have a good shovel and wave bye bye as the current takes it away. Any unwanted Relatives, no problem... my Dogs will run em off! Every night could be a BBQ and open BAR.. WOOHOO! Oh and boat repairs, no problem, I just saw that we can get Liquid rubber in a can now... UH HUH UH HUH ....I SURE DID!
This was on another thread but good enough to share here:
We need a big old house with a central meeting room and a different wing for every family. We could take turns watching one another's people, while the others could have a social life - and of course Warren Buffet would fund it.
Where shall we put it? A central locale like Kansas City or perhaps on the beach somewhere (like Hawaii)? Yum yum roast pork luau and hula lessons. (I'd HAVE to have a pedicure first, and about a year at a fat farm but those are details we could work out).
Ramsay could cook, Martha could decorate, Vera Wang could dress us, Cuz could be our entertainment, and Dr Oz could tend to us and our elders.
Oh and I forgot about the full body massages - we have to have those - while we are drinking Margaritas of course nad maybe taking dance lessons from Antonio Banderas? I'll see if I can book him . . . oh oh and we can take captains boat over to Hawaii! What a perfect plan.
I've been trying to pay bills with little money, and pre-plan Moms final expenses, while at the same time trying to find someone to help me with Mom this weekend s cause my back is (almost) out, so bring on the humor.
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Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services.
APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid.
We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour.
APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
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You have no obligation to use or to continue to use our services. Because you pay no fee to us, you will never need to ask for a refund.
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Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
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These must be the same diapers that crazy astronaut lady wore when she drove all night to try and kill her lovers wife - remember? I knew she was crazy right off because unless she had a really big gas tank she was going to have to stop for gas anyway so what was with the diaper? I digress . . .
But these NASA diapers are made for 12 hrs, maximum 3 changes recommended per day, they tell you when they are wet, they protect the skin, they keep the bed dry, they are retapeable - acording to the writeup and the reviews they do everything short of changing themselves!
Really - what has my life become that I get so excited about an adult diaper? And actualy disappointed that since Hospice is supplying mine i have no real reason to buy these for Mom?
----
So I sent out an email today to friends and loved ones and also my two "never called or visited good for nothing waiting for Mom to die to get their inheritance brothers" to let them know she was in Hospice, and thanking 'all who have been so remarkable in their support these last many years' Thus far I've heard from everyone else but them . . . how surprising.
I swear - maybe what I should do is take Mom and the people that have been supportive on a big, fancy trip somewhere and spend all that money so they can't wait to get their hands on it! NYC, anyone? I've been dying to see a show!
fed everybody , gave hubby haircut and now he s gone to bed , am ging to go outside and play with my doggies before it gets dark to put em up for the night , pa s fed and full so thats good , now he s watching tv and listing to pasty cline , how he loves her ....
cricket - ure funny and love the jokes ...
meow at ya all later !!
christina- rip i see youuuu . :-)
xoxoxo
Where is Christina? Been a while.....
Same crap here...literally...
Good Labor Day Weekend everyone...or is it the other one?
aint that cute .
saw that and i liked it so well i figured i shall share it with ya all .
goodnight , im heading for bed . xoxox
CLOSE TO THEIR LAST DAYS AND DECIDE TO HAVE
A LAST NIGHT ON THE TOWN. AFTER A FEW DRINKS,
THEY END UP AT THE LOCAL BROTHEL
THE MADAM TAKES ONE LOOK AT THE TWO OLD
GEEZERS AND WHISPERS TO HER MANAGER,
'GO UP TO THE FIRST TWO BEDROOMS AND PUT
AN INFLATED DOLL IN EACH BED. THESE TWO ARE
SO OLD AND DRUNK, I'M NOT WASTING TWO OF
MY GIRLS ON THEM. THEY WON'T KNOW THE
DIFFERENCE.
THE MANAGER DOES AS HE IS TOLD AND THE TWO
OLD MEN GO UPSTAIRS AND TAKE CARE OF THEIR
BUSINESS.
AS THEY ARE WALKING HOME THE FIRST MAN SAYS,
YOU KNOW, I THINK MY GIRL WAS DEAD!'
'DEAD?' SAYS HIS FRIEND, 'WHY DO YOU SAY THAT?'
'WELL, SHE NEVER MOVED OR MADE A SOUND ALL
THE TIME I WAS LOVING HER.
HIS FRIEND SAYS, 'COULD BE WORSE I THINK MINE
WAS A WITCH.
A WITCH ??. .
WHY THE HELL WOULD YOU SAY THAT?
'WELL, I WAS MAKING LOVE TO HER, KISSING HER
ON THE NECK, AND I GAVE HER A LITTLE BITE, THEN
SHE FARTED AND FLEW OUT THE WINDOW... TOOK
MY TEETH WITH HER!
The doctor comes in and says, "Ah, I see you've regained consciousness.
Now you probably won't remember, but you were in a huge pile-up on the
freeway. You're going to be ok, you'll walk again and everything, but
your penis was severed in the accident and we couldn't find it."
The man groans, but the doctor goes on, "You have $9000 in insurance
compensation coming and we now have the technology to build a new
penis. They work great but they don't come cheap. It's roughly $1000 an
inch."
The man perks up.
"So," the doctor says, "You must decide how many inches you want. But I
understand that you have been married for over thirty years and this is
something you should discuss with your wife. If you had a five incher
before and get a nine incher now she might be a bit put out. If you had
a nine incher before and you decide to only invest in a five incher
now, she might be disappointed. It's important that she plays a role in
helping you make a decision."
The man agrees to talk it over with his wife.
The doctor comes back the next day, "So, have you spoken with your
wife?"
"Yes I have," says the man.
"And has she helped you make a decision?"
"Yes" says the man.
"What is your decision?" asks the doctor.
"We're getting granite countertops."
I, the Penis, hereby request a raise in salary for the following reasons:
I do physical labor.
I work at great depths.
I plunge headfirst into everything I do.
I do not get weekends or public holidays off.
I work in a damp environment.
I work in a dark workplace that has poor ventilation.
I work in high temperatures.
My work exposes me to contagious diseases.
Sincerely,
P. Niss
The Response
Dear P. Niss:
After assessing your request, and considering the arguments you have raised, the administration rejects your request for the following reasons:
You do not work 8 hours straight.
You fall asleep after brief work periods.
You do not always follow the orders of the management team. You do not stay in your designated area and are often seen visiting other locations.
You do not take initiative - you need to be pressured and stimulated in order to start working.
You leave the workplace rather messy at the end of your shift.
You don't always observe necessary safety regulations, such as wearing the
Correct protective clothing.
You will retire well before you are 65.
You are unable to work double shifts.
You sometimes leave your designated work area before you have completed the assigned task...
And if that were not all, you have been seen constantly entering and exiting the workplace carrying two suspicious-looking bags.
Sincerely,
V. Gina
TOO FUNNY NOT TO PASS IT ON !HOPE IT MADE YOU LAUGH!
Getting old is so hard at times.
Yesterday I got Preperation 'H' mixed up with
Poli-grip
Now I talk like an asshole.
... but my gums don't itch.
Nice day out today here.
having some very strong coffee and thinking about Linda and I hope she is not disappointed when she has coffee on the boat!
It is so good to see everyone posting here and I love the fact that we have wonderful voices in Cricket (great jokes btw) and Mariesmom and Ksobie and annt as well as Kuli and Jen and Linda and RIP and Miz and CUZ and the Jokes! it was really good to see Ted and congratulations again for doing such a wonderful interview with ABC online. stellar.
Flex is going through the trials along with Deef. working their nards off.
MAXINE!! where are you girl? check in and let us know that you're ok.
I know that Christina is crazy busy with all kinds of civic activities and doing a great job in her community.
Rossella is having a little vacation and soon I will be heading north to hopefully end the insanity.
There is another hurricane approaching and it's too early to see what she will do but I have to go whatever the weather and that is the end of that.
I wonder about pirate and kelleybean and Pamela and selfish sibs and ssk and the ones I have missed and I hope that everyone is doing ok and is finding some peace somewhere in the midst of their insane caregiving.
Thanks MsM for educating us on the hospice situation. Huge and boy do I wish that had been more available when I was in the trenches. I can see the differences in just a few years since when I started and what is available now.
Hospice came in 15 minutes before mom died. wow.
onward and upward.
lovbob
Yep, Bobbie, we have a wonderful crew here. It's a very good thing. I'm looking forward to 3 days off work and I just work 3 days next week. We are still trying to get this house organized but it's gonna take awhile. We are trying to figure out if we can afford a little getaway this weekend. We will probably end up staying home. That's okay. Maybe we can go out to eat and to a movie or something.
To those of you in the trenches of care giving I must commend you for your humor. It is admirable when life is so stressful and physically tiring and painful.
Everyone, have as good a day as you can. I'm with Bobbie. People please check in. We do worry and care so much.
love,
miz
Hope everyone has a good day, and the stress stays away!
100 degrees today and heat index of 106 and still no rain. :(
Talked to Christina, doing OK just busy.
Piles of shit...God that seems to be the ongoing theme here but really what is worse than shit? Vomit maybe? mmm a close second.....
Adult Day Health for Fart Pants today so at least he isn't here....
Ted is a celebrity, Go ed Go Ted!
Hi to all my AC buds, and stay safe and sane over yet another weekend....
Way to go Cricket! Dogs all still living with you?
Haven't put up a sign at the curb that says Free Dogs?
My respect.
RIP!! whassup kiddo? thanks for hanging out on the horn with me and talking me out of the tree yesterday!
Ted!! that's all I'm sayin...!
back to work for me... check had to tell Cricket that I think she's pretty good in the 'let it go' category.
love you guys,
lovbob
jsomebody - do some dancing while FP is at the adult care woo woo .
cricket- oh my gosh if it was me i would kick all the dogs out and make sure the rain washes away thier stinky butt and shit disappeard in the yard . sand will swallow it up in no time , oh gosh no more speical treats for em plzz . lol it gave them the shits !!! i can just smell it while u said to let it go , i cant let it go cuz i can smell it clear up here :-) . pool is nice yep chlrine will kill ur sense of smell , whew u lucky ! man i feel for ya ! next pile hopefully hubby will take turns to clean it up .
bobbie i only will be disapointed if u have no coffee . if u have no coffee we ll jump on someone eles boat and steal some :-) . u have a safe trip going back to nj and if u do stop at ted s give him and his mom a big hug for me . i would love to meet them one day , hell i wanna meet all of you one day ! someday we all shall do that .
kim - ure just down the road and hope it wont take us forever to meet . wendys for lunch ? :-) ..
i got cold in here so i put on my footisey socks on and went outside and got warm up . wow its realy windy and dry leaves are fallin . notice the tree s are turning colors ., sniff soon the snow flakes be fallin . i like snow so im realy not complainin , only complain about the cold .... i dont like the cold ... rather be hot and sweaty .
missing christina meowin here . i know shes busy cookin me gator tails :-)
austin- hope ure good . did u run off and get married and had a honey moon ? ill throw u some rice ! :-)
pa s sleeping amd sleeping . poor guy , tld my sis i think i rather be sleeping alot when i get old . wanted to get him up this mornin , noooooooooo i wanna stay in bed , ok pa ... bless his heart . i love my dad ...
I've heard that Apple has scrapped their plans for the new children's-oriented iPod after realizing that iTouch Kids is not a good product name.
In a local sports bar trivia quiz the other night, I lost by one point. The question was, where do women mostly have curly hair? Apparently, it's Africa
A friend of mine has just told me he's shagging his girlfriend and her twin.. I asked, "How can you tell them apart?" He said, "Her brother has a moustache"
Just put a deposit down on a brand new Porsche and mentioned it on Facebook. I said "I can't wait for the new 911 to arrive!" Next thing I know 4000 Muslims have added me as a friend!!
Being a modest man, when I checked into my hotel on a recent trip, I said to the lady at the registration desk ...
"I hope the porn channel in my room is disabled."
To which she replied, "No, it's regular porn, you sick bastard.”
The red cross knocked at my door asking if I could help towards the floods in Pakistan . I said I would love to, but my hose only reaches the bottom of the driveway.
Ya, this is subversive......
lovbob
Hey Bobbie thanks for the sign idea!! I only wish I had the heart to do it. I suppose I could be positive and look for the bright side of this morning experience. That would be that I got all the poo piles cleaned up before shuffling Dad decided to walk around the house.. I think I have shared that story before.
In other News... Dogs got another squirrel *note to self, clean up dead carcase in the yard, think up new mantra.... maybe you guys can help me come up with a better mantra for the rest of the day? I'm thinking since it's so HOT..... when given lemons.. make Lemonaid, no mine would be more like... when given shit.. make Brownies? No can't do that... must stay away from sugar. Okay I need help... going to go find a joke..
Going to lay back down. Yall have a good day and "just let it go"....I think that's a great mantra.
Love ya
Ann
Let it go, let it flow, let it snow, let it blow, let it stay there until someone else cleans it up...
you know here I say, Vent and Live...
Cricket's dogs are saying, Sh!t and Live...
Cricket is saying they might have to Split to Live....
sometimes you know you just have to Quit to Live....
and my favorite:
Take my advice, I'm not using it....
the above was written by someone high on caffeine.
Hey Annie Girl! I know I was missing you!
lovbob
Anne, I hope you are getting well rested, just keep working at it and get better.
Linda, you and I could get into a lot of mischief together.. boat hopping! I'm always up for a great adventure. I will bring the Irish Cream for our coffee so it won't matter how bad it is :) Speaking about boat hopping.. it would be fun to all buy those little boat houses and connect to each of our houses with those fun chicken bridges, just THINK we could CREATE our own little town at sea and pay NO TAXES! Poopie Diapers, no problem, dump em and feed the fish! Burn the leftovers on the poop deck. Dog shit, no problem.... just have a good shovel and wave bye bye as the current takes it away. Any unwanted Relatives, no problem... my Dogs will run em off! Every night could be a BBQ and open BAR.. WOOHOO! Oh and boat repairs, no problem, I just saw that we can get Liquid rubber in a can now... UH HUH UH HUH ....I SURE DID!
We need a big old house with a central meeting room and a different wing for every family. We could take turns watching one another's people, while the others could have a social life - and of course Warren Buffet would fund it.
Where shall we put it? A central locale like Kansas City or perhaps on the beach somewhere (like Hawaii)? Yum yum roast pork luau and hula lessons. (I'd HAVE to have a pedicure first, and about a year at a fat farm but those are details we could work out).
Ramsay could cook, Martha could decorate, Vera Wang could dress us, Cuz could be our entertainment, and Dr Oz could tend to us and our elders.
Oh and I forgot about the full body massages - we have to have those - while we are drinking Margaritas of course nad maybe taking dance lessons from Antonio Banderas? I'll see if I can book him . . . oh oh and we can take captains boat over to Hawaii! What a perfect plan.
Who's with me?
Here Humor, Here Boy.