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Good Afternoon Caregivers,

Ladeeda, your experience with BG is what I witnessed when I intervened on mom. Mom was terrified that I was going to put her in a 'home' when I first arrived. Mom was told by her 'friends' that I was only after her money and that I would treat her badly.
The primary offender was a family that my mom had befriended and given money to so they could adopt their 'girls' from Romania and they had an aunt. After they took her home away and gained control of her assets, made her live on the THIRD floor of their old colonial (giant staircases) so she had to drag her little O2 appliance up and down.
When they had dinner sometimes they would 'forget' to call her down and they let her hair and everything go to hell. She looked so sad.
They would mock her and talk smack right in her face.
When I offered to take Aunt Helen and mom out for a salon day for hair, mani/pedi and then a nice lunch, my treat, I was told that 'she won't even know what to do and will be a pain with her oxygen, etc etc', which was not true.
Mom and I were devastated. In retrospect, I should have called APS but I was overwhelmed with mom's care and wasn't really cognizant of the different programs out there to help.
These were the same cretins who thought they were going to get my mom's money and they did get some of it but luckily I figured it out and made all secure for mom's future, whatever it was and however long it would be.
They had acted like mom's friends all along, taking her $ gifts but when I came and redirected the 'program', they dropped mom like a bad habit. Of course all was blamed on me and they were the ones who called APS on ME hoping to get me in trouble so they could swoop in again.

By the time this sordid tale had played out, mom was truly demented and didn't understand why 'the girls' never came to see her, etc. I called and called to ask that they come and see mom and the woman never returned my calls. I called the husband and he was such an a$$hole to me it was unbelievable.

When they finally put Aunt Helen in a 'home', it was one of the stinky ones with low class, ignorant attendants. Mom and I went to visit her and she was only mid stage dementia, but she was stuck there. They rarely came to see her and when they did, it wasn't about her but about everything else. They just didn't have any need for her anymore. I guess they had spent all the money.

People can be very wicked when it comes to money.
Especially money that is not theirs.

Ugh. Don't you wish you could save the world....

more later,
lovbob
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No Ted, you were not being polly anna about it, you were just giving her the benifit of the doubt. Was just at the NH to visit Ruth, BG insisted she have a perm, so they were in the facility beauty shop. I was only there a few minutes because BG was being so loud and telling the beautician how to do everything. the lady finally threw her hands up and said "YOU DO IT THEN". I walked out, didn't care to see more of what I see everyday....
My feelings would be so hurt if I thought everyone I came across was not glad to see me. That my personality made them go to the edge of being professional, and that I brought out the worst in people. I do have some compassion for Bg, as to how insecure she is, that all her money won't buy her friends, won't make her feel important enough to just be on this earth doing some kind of good works. but I didn't break her and I can't and won't try to fix her. I no longer get on that roller coaster in my own life, much less in hers... the whole thing is just sad and wrong in so many ways......
Ruth was so aggitated about having her hair done, I didn't even let her know I was there.

Thank ya'll for the support.And Bobbie, when you have witnessed first hand the abuse of someone you love, it makes me want to go postal. That is why I refer to them as the "manson family" sans sil.
I am in this situation because I have lessons to learn. Guess one day I need to write a book.... naaah, I'll just want to rest when I finally retire... hugs across the miles..
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ladee, you are a better person than I because I am afraid I would have no compassion for BG. Sure, I would try to understand why she is like she is but as for compassion, I am not so sure. I tried really hard to be nice to the caregivers that came to take care of Mom. I know there were times when I should have corrected them on things but I usually didn't. I wanted them to enjoy coming to the house so I could keep the good ones. Maybe I should have set more limits but I didn't. Anyway, it's too bad that Ruth was put in that situation getting her hair done, getting so stressed out and was not even able to visit with you. Does BG know that stress can cause strokes??

love,
miz
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and quite frankly, ladee, I am proud of that hair person for saying what she said...
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My God you go with out shoes in this house at your own risk! I have to re wash my coat becasue he rolled over it... Mom was upset Monty peed on the floor and fp has a permanent peedle in his room now...What ever! Day started out bad not as. Mom been very upset. She just will not see his money as for her use and she has almost spent her life savings to the last dollar, is almost thinking of letting her health insurance with COBRA go..I am like SO Don't Do That!!! She is cashing in life insurance policies she has had since infancy. She is scared and upset and I don't say ANYTHING to her any more! She get upset she gets MAD but she has made her choice, she will beggar herself before she uses any of DDDDAAADDDDYYY'S money. Money that is for his care which WE PROVIDE. This IS what the money was saved for and earned for and invested for....Granted it would be nice if the fund had a guaranteed end date such as he will be dead by July but "for all we know he will have to Go into a nursing home at some point and then we will be...what did she say, not fucked but a phrase that mean fucked but isn't up shit creek...Any how she is upset, told me I need to pay for my prescription and insurance out of the hundred I get monthly..duh?! And she I don't know is gonna try living on beans, meanwhile she buys him a new pair of pants and a $12.00 magazine..well that is his money...

I saw her look at my dog and cat calculating their expense...You know what ma? Fart Pants can PAY my vet bills I don't care! He was told, you were told, WE WERE TOLD several times by visiting health aides and aging care staff to have him pay us for the care he receives here, as he is saving a great deal of money in being here, and having no expenses out side of his medication, literally...and still has money coming IN through investments GRANDMA MADE over the decades and his various pensions. Yeah if he goes into a home and every cent is used up for his care, so be it. YOU decided that, YOU choose to have him here and NOT be paid when the subject came up. You quit your job to look after him for no pay and now you are almost broke....Damn TV commercials where the guy had the intention to save a million five for retirement! Who ARE these people!? I am too screwed up to get a job (won't stop me from trying) and with him here I do not qualify for ANY social services. It is a fucking Greek Tragedy/Reality Show. She goes out of her way to make sure he has EVERYTHING he needs and or wants, I am tapering off prescriptions I can't afford after four years of un paid care giving...


Don't Care changing subject. How is everyone else.?. Better I hope.
Any house news Miz. life news Ted. Missing Diane and Deef and Linda and Christine, Pirate and rip, JAM, ladee, bobbie, skkape, everyone busy, over whelmed and just tired? I know we are. Hello to new people, I am the bitter pill I rarely have much nice the say I hone my irritation..."Will Grouse For Food" may be come a legitimate employment opportunity.

Don't need help don't worry not like we are gonna be out on the streets..course it might be better then he'd just be pissing on the grass or pavement, no worries about the floor rotting through...Just a hard time here. Tote The Weary Load as Margaret Mitchell said...Yes "Gone With The Wind" much better title. Don't read it, excellent but profoundly racist book. Unless you want to...but I warned ya...
God let him die, let me win a mint don't let me or mom get ill or my pets have more hundred dollar vet bills...but if they do...HE can pick up the tab!!!
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Well it looks like hubby and I can breath a little easier now about the money for the house. Looks like we'll have proof of funds hopefully by Tuesday and our realtor said that will be fine. Hubby has been working so hard getting this place looking better. I am so ready to move. We are going to offer to do the updating and painting and such. Makes more sense to us than to have it contracted out at a large expense. We shall see. Our closing date is very soon!! :D Yay!! I will believe it when I have the deed and keys in my hands... And I really think I need to call the dentist.

love,
miz
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Jen, all that really sucks bad. I don't understand why your mom won't use some of his money. It makes no sense to me. I am so sad that you are in that situation and I am glad you are able to grouse on here. It scares me that you are tapering off your meds. I have tried that and it didn't work. I just got angry.

love,
miz
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My new middle name Grouse...I think I will vicariously live through you guys relocating and fixing up your new pad...getting rid of stuff too? MMM love too And painting! How big is the house you are looking at? How far from where you are now? Moving van far or friends with trucks far?
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Jen, Please don't mess with your meds, Have you tried talking your mom into going to see an eldercare attorney? that might help convinvce her that the RIGHT way to do this is to have him pay his costs, even for his caregiving, I think Rip pointed out a post that said that family caregivers can accept up to $200,000.00 for two years of care provided by the family members, and I doubt that includes his med expenses, etc. It doesn't make any sense to be saving all his capitol so that if the time comes to put in him a home, all his money will work against him as far as getting medicare and insurance help. Folks are constantly talking about "Spend Down".

Miz, GREAT news!

As for me, I go to the foreclosure hearing on Thursday for mom's house. it's sad, but without the funds from my father's estate that my sister stole, I just can't afford the mortgage on a house mom can't live in. I had it rented for a while and that was a disaster, cost me more to evict them, then was faced with having to spend to get it back in shape to rent again....
I'm just gonna let it go and keep moving on. So many things have gone wrong at once while my focus has been mom, I just can't handle so much alone. Just gonna let it go and focus on mom's day-to-day comfort and happiness, and my own future.

Have I mentioned that my siblings suck ass?
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Jen, it's not a very big house. Between 800 and 900 square feet, but it has a basement (unfinished) and 2 garages and it's on 2 large lots. The bedrooms are small but that's okay cause it's just the two of us and the cats. We are talking about adding on a room and maybe an enclosed porch at some point. The house is maybe 5 to 10 minutes away from here. Hubby has an old beat up pick up truck so we probably won't need a moving van. We'll see. Maybe we'll rent a U-Haul for a day. We just can't spend too much money. I think the first project will be the second bedroom. Need it for clothing and stuff cause there is no closet in one bedroom and a small one in the other. I guess people didn't own many clothes back in the 20s unless they had money. I have too many. I guess I'm a clothes hoarder although I do get rid of some now and again. Shoes too. I hope to get rid of lots of stuff when we move. I don't like lots of clutter. Hubby has a booth at a garage sale this Saturday. I hope he sells a lot of stuff but he will probably want too much for it. He likes to keep things and I like to toss things. :D Drives me nuts!! I am sure we will do a lot of tossing when we go through this house. Mom and Dad bought it in 1959 and they did not throw much away at all. Children of the Great Depression I suppose. Tax records wayyyyyyyyyy back. Stuff like that.
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Ted, I am really sorry about your house. :(
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Okay, where ya all are??
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I'm Here! Miz, I think I'm more excited about your house than I am sad about mom's. This was the house that mom bought with plans to renovate, but then she began to get ill, and the work never started and things got worse , so many signs of the TIAs she was having that I missed, and then she had the big one right there in the dining room. The place holds nothing but painful memories for me. I think I'll be glad to see it gone from my life.
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Did I use up all the posts for tonight??
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I hear you, Ted. I think it will be cleansing or something for you. I am anxious to move out of this house but it will be bittersweet. I do have some good memories here but lots of bad ones too. I think a fresh start is best. Remember that scene when Forrest Gump has Jenny's house torn down?? That was so awesome...
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Sound good Ted...now I need a borer to get it into my moms head that never mind...Was four years of lawyers she knows what the options are this is the choice she made

The house sound nice miz, two lots mean less noise from neighbors..? I hope so. ten would suit me....

Mom said in the 20's the style was for wardrobes not closets why Craftsman has nooks and built ins but less large closet spaces. Nice workman ship though.
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Yep Jen, the houses had character. Not just boxes with walls.
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And Jen, we are very happy to have lots of space around us. Some of the houses we looked at were fine but there were junky yards right next door or barking dogs and such. So many houses are built right next to other houses. So, we're in town but not right next to someone. So, that's good. And one of the next door neighbors has an above ground pool. :D
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Miz, funny you should mention the scene in Gump, I was thinking of the scene in "What;s eating Gilbert Grape?" when he burns down his mom's house cause it was impossible to remove her 500 lb. body. Yep, cleansing.
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LOL Ted. I missed that one.
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Now THAT'S a movie about being overwhelmed by caregiving!
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Is it worth watching?? I could Netflix it.
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Yea, I saw it a while ago but i liked it,
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k, thanks. :) I'm gonna go out on the porch and have one more smoke and then hit the hay. I work all day tomorrow. Goodnight!!
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Night miz..happy packing!
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Well Ya'll BG got her ass chewed by sil today for not tending to things at the NH for Ruth. It was a big mess about the pharmacy and unused meds, and a bunch of other stuff I did not listen to. He told her to go to the NH tomorrow and get the HIPA release form signed so that I can go in and find out what is going on....She looked so beat up emotionally. But sil has his breaking point and her not tending to business cost them an extra $250. And of course it hurts her feelings that sil wants me to tend to this. Oh well, Keeping my mouth shut is paying off, Just let her hang herself with sil, and maybe the "talk" won't be necessary. Who knows.
Ted, I can understand releasing the burden of the other house. One less thing for you to spend energy on...
miz, almost moving day yeha...
Jen, please consider what Ted was saying about your meds. FP can pay for those too.

Saved my happy news for last, some of you are going to say "big deal" but.........
there is a brand new baby calf born today... a little bull,,, I will go down tomorrow and get a little closer to him. Sil came and told me, he was so excited. BG doesn't care about things like that but he knew I would be.. Told him I was going to name him something, he said go ahead, make it something cool.......so that is my good news for the day... my little country report from Texas..... ya"ll have any suggestions for the new baby's name??? This can be our group calf....
hugs across the miles.
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Clothing donation

I just had a call from a Charity asking me to donate some of my clothes to the starving people throughout the world....

I told them anybody who fits into my clothes isn't starving.
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A Gift Certificate to you from ME!

It will be interesting to see who sends it back.

A Hug Certificate for You!
This poem is very sweet.

If I could catch a rainbow
I would do it just for you
And share with you its beauty
On the days you're feeling blue.

If I could build a mountain
You could call your very own;
A place to find serenity,
A place to be alone.

If I could take your troubles
I would toss them in the sea,
But all these things, I'm finding,
Are impossible for me.

I cannot build a mountain
Or catch a rainbow fair,
But let me be what I know best,
A friend who's always there..


This is a Hug Certificate!!

Send One to All Your Friends Who You Think Deserve A Hug
(Which, Hopefully Includes the Person Who Sent It to You).

If you receive this back 2 times -
You're off to a good start,
Unless you sent it to yourself.

That's cheating!



If you receive this back 3 times -
You're a good friend.


If you receive this back 4 times -
I wanna be just like you..
You are popular!

If you receive this back 5 times or more -

There are angels watching over you.

Life is a coin,
you can spend it anyway you wish,
but you can only spend it once.


Do not miss an opportunity to tell your friends you care.
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THIS IS REALLY FUNNY!!

Is Sex Work?


A U.S. Marine Colonel was about to start the morning briefing to his staff.While waiting for the coffee to finish its brewing - the colonel decided pose a question to all assembled.
He explained that his wife had been a bit frisky the night before and he failed to get his usual amount of sound sleep.
He then posed the question of just how much of 'Sex' was 'Work' and how much of it was 'Pleasure.?'


A Major chimed in with 75-25% in favor of work.


A Captain said it was 50-50%.


A lieutenant responded with 25-75% in favor of pleasure, depending upon his state of inebriation at the time.


There being no consensus, the colonel turned to the Pfc. who was in charge of making the coffee. What was HIS opinion?


Without any hesitation, the young Marine Pfc. responded, "Sir, it has to be 100% pleasure."


The colonel was surprised and, as you might guess, asked why.??


The Pfc. replied, "Well, sir, if there was any work involved, the officers would have me doing it for them.!!!"


The room fell silent.


God Bless the Enlisted Man.
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Door Mats That Make A Statement

Oh Shit Not You Again!

Come Back
with a
warrent

You are here

This is not a joke
If you want to see these people
again, bring me a 5 pound steak
in a brown paper bag
The Dog

Please stay on the mat. Your visit is
important to us. Your knock will be
answered in the order of which it was
recieved.

Go away please
Come back
with wine.

Our dog is not a biter
He's a humper

Nice
Underwear

I'm really glad to see you
but I lie like a mat
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