bobbie321 Posted February 2010
Grossed out and need to vent—I just caught Mom using my toothbrush to comb her hair!
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https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=0hggfMifP48&list=PL_QPPcZlYgRcWCfcz5KGRklLb9pvV7Gv1&index=15
😄😄😄
Granddaughter needed a Tdap shot to start 6th grade. DD2 and GD went in for an appointment just for that. As the nurse was walking them back, GD asked how big is the needle, and the nurse said (joking), "are you sure you want me to answer that right now?
Then they got into the room and the nurse says "so you're here for the tetanus shot?" and GD, alarmed, and says "ten inches???" because she thought the nurse said "ten inch shot" and they all laughed. Then somebody resuscitated all of us, and GD got her shot and was a total champ. The End.
and finally they got married, and had a little sweet
potato, which they called 'Yam'.
Of course, they wanted the best for Yam.
When it was time, they told her about the facts of life.
They warned her about going out and getting half-baked, so she wouldn't get accidentally mashed, and get a bad name for herself like 'Hot Potato,' and end up with a bunch of Tater Tots.
Yam said not to worry, no Spud would get her into the sack and make a rotten potato out of her!
But on the other hand she wouldn't stay home and become a Couch Potato either.
She would get plenty of exercise so as not to be skinny like her Shoestring Cousins.
When she went off to Europe, Mr. and Mrs. Potato told Yam to watch out for the hard-boiled guys from Ireland .
And the greasy guys from France called the French Fries.
And when she went out West, to watch out for the Indians so she wouldn't get scalloped.
Yam said she would stay on the straight and narrow and wouldn't associate with those high class Yukon Golds, or the ones from the other side of the tracks who advertise their trade on all the trucks that say, 'Frito Lay.'
Mr. and Mrs. Potato sent Yam to Idaho P.U. (that's Potato University ) so that when she graduated she'd really be in the Chips.
But in spite of all they did for her, one-day Yam came home and announced she was going to marry Tom Brokaw.
Tom Brokaw!
Mr. and Mrs. Potato were very upset.
They told Yam she couldn't possibly marry Tom Brokaw
Because he's just......
Are you ready for this?
Are you sure?
*
*
OK!
Here it is!
*
*
*
*
A COMMONTATER
For all of these years, he had never thought about the box, but one day the little old woman got very sick and the doctor said she would not recover.
In trying to sort out their affairs, the little old man took down the shoe box and took it to his wife's bedside. She agreed that it was time that he should know what was in the box. When he opened it, he found two crocheted dolls and a stack of money totalling $95,000. He asked her about the contents.
'When we were to be married,' she said, ' my grandmother told me the secret of a happy marriage was to never argue. She told me that if I ever got angry with you, I should just keep quiet and crochet a doll.' The little old man was so moved; he had to fight back tears. Only two Precious dolls were in the box. She had only been angry with him two Times in all those years of living and loving. He almost burst with Happiness.
'Honey,' he said, 'that explains the doll, but what about all of this money? Where did it come from?' 'Oh,' she said, 'that's the money I made from selling the dolls
mom may have dementia or something. its signs of something. just communicate to her and
see what's going on. if you have cameras watch the cameras. you can also, take her to the doctor
to get checked. sometimes it could be something as simple as needed a new pair of glasses or
something serious. Mom is old give her a break. you only have one mom and many, many toothbrushes to buy. :)
A mother and her son were flying Southwest Airlines from Kansas City to Chicago.
The son (who had been looking out the window) turned to his mother and asked, "If big dogs have baby dogs and big cats have baby cats, why don't big planes have baby planes?"
The mother (who couldn't think of an answer) told her son to ask the Flight Attendant. So the boy asked the Flight Attendant, "If big dogs have baby dogs and big cats have baby cats, why don't big planes have baby planes?"
The Flight Attendant responded, "Did your mother tell you to ask me?" The boy admitted that this was the case.
"Well, then, tell your mother that there are no baby planes because Southwest always pulls out on time. Your mother can explain that to you."
the neighbors on each side and across the street and behind him were all Catholic,and they of course were forbidden to eat meat meat on Friday
But the delicious aroma of the grilled venison permeated the neighborhood and caused much grief for his neighbors.So they went to their Priest.
The Priest came to visit Four,and after much discussion of the different religions,suggested to Four that he should become a Catholic
Four agreed ,and after countless hours of study,he was ready for his first Mass
The priest carefully sprinkled Holy Water over Four while making this speech;"Fourchon you were born a Baptist,and raised a Baptist,but now you are a Catholic
Fours neighbors were greatly relieved---until Friday night rolled around
Again the wonderful aroma of grilled venison permeated the neighborhood
They immediately called the Priest and informed him of the situation
The priest rushed to Four's house,entered the back yard,prepared to greatly admonish Four
But he stopped and stared in amazement
There was Four ,clutching a small bottle of water,which he carefully sprinkled on the venison,while saying
"You were born a deer,and raised as a deer--but now you is catfish"!!!
No problem', says the pharmacist. 'How much do you want? Just 3 replies BB, but could you cut them into smaller pieces? I'm not interested in sex. I just don’t want to pee in my slippers anymore.
One morning the husband returns after several hours of fishing and decides to take a nap. Although she isn't familiar with the lake the wife decides to take the boat. She motors out a short distance, anchors, and continues to read her book.
Along comes the game warden in his boat. He pulls up alongside and says,
"Good morning Ma'am. What are you doing?"
"Reading my book," she replies, thinking isn't that obvious?
"You're in a restricted fishing area," he informs her.
"But officer, I'm not fishing. Can't you see that?"
"Yes, but you have all the equipment. I'll have to take you in and write you up."
"If you do that, I'll have to charge you with rape," says the woman.
"But I haven't even touched you," says the game warden.
"That's true, but you do have all the equipment."
“A few weeks ago I went to the library. I remained there until closing time and when I was about to go home, rain started pouring down. It was so intense I had to wait in the library.
I had waited for a while with the librarian, a young attractive single girl, then one thing led to another, and I ended up sleeping with her”. The man stopped talking but kept weeping.
“Well don’t cry, it’s a sin but it is not that bad. You should say 5 Hail Marys and it will be forgiven”. Said the priest.
“But it doesn't end there” the man kept sobbing “a few days later my elderly neighbour asked me to help her with her computer. Her husband was hospitalised and she couldn't send an email to her son. I went there and fixed the problem, but when I was about to leave, rain started pouring down. It was really stormy and I had to wait. One thing led to another and I ended up sleeping with the old lady” the man cried
“Oh dear well that makes it harder indeed but still you should say 15 Hail Marys and you will be forgiven” Said the priest.
“Oh I’m afraid the worst part is still ahead” cried the man. “Yesterday I went to the barber. I was his last client that day. As soon as he finished and was about to close the shop rain started pouring down so intensely, I had to wait with him. One thing led to another and I ended up sleeping with him as well” the man cried.
“Oh dear, it is indeed worse than I thought” said the priest.
“So what should I do father?” the man asked.
“Well” answered the priest,
“you should get the hell out of here before it starts raining!”
Little Sally's parents owned a flower shop so when the teacher shook the box, she guessed..
* Is it flowers?
** Yes! Little Sally exclaimed.
Tommy's parents owned a candy store. The teacher shook his box and guessed..
* Is it candy?
** Yea!
Little Johnny's parents owned a liquor store so when she shook the box, a little liquid started seeping out. She tasted it and asked...
* Is it champagne?
** No it's not.
She tasted a little bit more.
* Hmmm... Is it wine?
** No it's not!
*Well, what is it?
** It's a puppy!!
I just took a
leaflet out of my mailbox,
informing me that I can
have sex at 85.
I'm so happy because I live at
number 83
so it's not too far to walk home
afterwards.
Also,
it's the same side of the street.
I don't even have
to cross the road!
The only cow in a small town in Ireland stopped giving milk. Then the town folk found they could buy a cow in Scotland quite cheaply. So, they brought the cow over from Scotland. It was absolutely wonderful. It produced lots of milk every day and everyone was happy.
They bought a bull to mate with the cow to get more cows so they'd never have to worry about their milk supply again. They put the bull in the pasture with the cow but whenever the bull tried to mount the cow, the cow would move away. No matter what approach the bull tried, the cow would move away from the bull and he was never able to do the deed. The people were very upset and decided to go to their very wise Vet, tell him what was happening and ask his advice.
"Whenever the bull tries to mount our cow, she moves away. If he approaches from the back, she moves forward. When he approaches her from the front, she backs off. If he attempts it from the one side, she walks away to the other side."
The Vet rubbed his chin thoughtfully and pondered this before asking, "Did you by chance buy this cow in Scotland?"
The people were dumbfounded since no one had ever mentioned that they had brought the cow over from Scotland. "You are truly a wise Vet," they said.
"How on earth did you know we got the cow from Scotland?"
The Vet replied with a distant look in his eye, "My wife's from Scotland."
A Carol Burnette and Betty White skit that we can all identify with.
Since it had been hours since her last meal and she was feeling hunger pangs,
she flew down to the irresistible delicacy and began to munch out.
She ate ... and ate ... and then .... she ate some more!!!
Finally, she decided she'd had plenty. She washed her face with her tiny front legs,
belched a few times, then attempted to fly away.
But alas ...she had pigged out far too much and could not get off the ground.
She looked around wondering what to do about this unpleasant situation
when she spotted a pitchfork leaning upright against the barn wall.
She'd found a solution!!!
She realized that if she could just become airborne she'd be able to fly again.
So, she painstakingly, climbed to the top of the handle. Once there, she took a deep breath,
spread her tiny fly wings, and leaped confidently into the air.
She dropped like a rock and splattered all over the floor...
Dead fly...
The moral of this sad story?
Never fly off the handle when you know you're full of sh*t!!!......
https://www.wdsu.com/article/simply-irresistible-idaho-promotes-the-a-peel-of-potato-perfume/39054757