Grossed out and need to vent—I just caught Mom using my toothbrush to comb her hair!

A Happy New Year to you too cuz and thanks so much for all your funny jokes~

I came home and her Chihuahua was eating her poop that fell on the floor from the bedpan she dropped. There are some things I can not unsee. This really was disturbing. (And yes, if u are wondering he is OK.. just sick that afternoon.)

A young man shopping in a supermarket noticed a little old lady following him around. If he stopped, she stopped. Furthermore she kept staring at him. 

She finally overtook him at the checkout, and she turned to him and said, "I hope I haven't made you feel ill at ease; it's just that you look so much like my late son." 

He answered, "That's okay." 

"I know it's silly, but if you'd call out 'Good bye, Mom' as I leave the store, it would make me feel so happy." 

She then went through the checkout, and as she was on her way out of the store, the man called out, "Goodbye, Mom." 

The little old lady waved and smiled back at him.. 

Pleased that he had brought a little sunshine into someone's day, he went to pay for his groceries. 

"That comes to $121.85," said the clerk. 

"How come so much? I only bought 5 items." 

The clerk replied, "Yeah, but your Mother said 
You'd be paying for her things, too."   
 
 

Bet you thought this was going to be a tear jerker. 
Don't trust Little Old Ladies!!!

A farmer drove to a neighbor's farmhouse and
knocked at the door. A
boy, about 9, opened
the door. "is your Mom or Dad home?' said the
farmer. "no, they went to
town." "How about you brother, Howard? Is he
here?" "No, he went with Mom
and Dad." The farmer stood there for a few
minutes, shifting from one foot
to the other, mumbling to himself, when the
young boy says, "I know where
all the tools are, if you want to borrow one, or I
can give Dad a message."
"Well," said the farmer uncomfortably. "No, I
really want to talk to your
Dad, about your brother Howard getting my
daughter Suzy pregnant."
The boy thought for a moment, then says,
"You'll have to talk to my Dad
about that. I know he charges $500 for the
bulls and $150 for the pigs, but
I have no idea how much he charges for
Howard."

Hi everyone in caregiver land. I have some sad news. My Mom who was 94 years old passed away peacefully tonight.
luvcuz

Sorry for your loss Cuz.

(((((Hugs))))) and condolences, cuz. I am glad she went peacefully.

My heart goes out to you Cuz, you are in my prayers.

So, sorry, Cuz. Mom went peacefully and she is now released. Thinking of you.

Love you Cuz.

After their 11th child, a Kentucky couple decided that was enough, as they could not afford a larger bed. So, the husband went to his veterinarian and told him that he and his cousin didn't want to have any more children.
The doctor told him that there was a procedure called a vasectomy that could fix the problem but that it was expensive. 'A less costly alternative,' said the doctor, 'is to go home, get a cherry bomb, (fireworks are legal in Kentucky) light it, put it in a beer can, then hold the can up to your ear and count to 10.
The Kentuckian said to the doctor, 'I may not be the smartest tool in the shed, but I don't see how putting a cherry bomb in a beer can next to my ear is going to help me. ''Trust me,' said the doctor.
So, the man went home, lit a cherry bomb and put it in a beer can. He held the can up to his ear and began to count! "1" "2" "3" “4” "5," at which point he paused, placed the beer can between his legs and continued counting on his other hand.
This procedure also works in Tennessee, Louisiana, Arkansas, Mississippi, Parts of Georgia, Missouri, West Virginia, and all of Washington DC.

Gotta love live tv!

https://kdvr.com/2019/02/14/chris-parente-broke-the-monitor-on-live-tv-and-everyone-at-the-station-is-making-fun-of-him/

😯😬

Honeymoon Pants

Mike was going to be married to Jane, so his father sat him down for a little chat. He said, 'Mike, let me tell you something.
On my wedding night in our honeymoon suite, I took off my pants, handed them to your mother, and said, 'Here, try these on!
She did and said, 'These are too big, I can't wear them.'
I replied, 'Exactly, I wear the pants in this family and I always will.'
Ever since that night we have never had any problems
''Hmmm,' said Mike. He thought that might be good thing to try.
On his honeymoon, Mike took off his pants and said to Jane, 'Here try these on.' She tried them on and said, 'These are too large, they don't fit me. '
Mike said, 'Exactly, I wear the pants in this family, and I always will. I don't want you to ever forget that.'
Then Jane took off her pants, and handed them to Mike. She said, 'Here, you try on mine.'
He did and said, 'I can't get into your pants.'
Jane said, 'Exactly. And if you don't change your smart ass attitude, you never will.'
And they lived happily ever after!

A young family moved into a house next door to a vacant lot. One day, a construction crew came in and began building a house on the empty lot. The family's 5-year-old daughter became interested in all the activity going on next door and spent much of each day observing the workers.

Eventually, the construction crew, all of them gems-in-the-rough, more or less adopted her as a project mascot. They chatted with her, let her sit with them while they took coffee and lunch breaks, and gave her little jobs to do here and there to make her feel important. At the end of the first week, the men presented her with a pay envelope which contained $2.00. The little girl took this home to her mother, who said all the appropriate words of admiration, and suggested that they take the money she received to the bank to start a savings account.

When they talked to the bank teller, the teller was equally impressed and asked the little girl how she had earned her very own pay check at such a young age. The child proudly replied, "I worked last week with the crew building the house next door to us."

"My goodness gracious," said the teller, "and will you be working on the house again this week, too?"

The little girl replied, "I will if those azzes at Home Depot ever deliver the freakin sheet rock..."

Gladimhere I have a niece that works at Home Depot and I will be talking to her about their slow delivery ok?

Big deal! Why not show some compassion and show her again what the toothbrush is really used for! Your Mom has some dementia obviously. This could happen to you too so think ahead how you would want someone to react.

Doncha love it when the self righteous feel the need to chime in to berate somebody 9 years after the fact? SMH

Consider yourself lucky. I constantly caught my grandma who used to be a hairstylist, using her feces as gel before setting the whole mess in curlers and sitting under the dryer she had in her home. I wish my biggest problem was her using my toothbrush in fact if I could pay money to trade delusions I would have given all the money I have plus half my salary every month.

Didn't see the 2010 lol. Still think grandma setting her hair in feces beats using my toothbrush. It should be a dead post I would think. I'm new to yhis. I'll try to stay in this decade. I'm just talking to myself aren't I?

I am still reading this thread so you aren't talking to yourself

SparkyY, I agree with you, using poop hair gel beats using a toothbrush as a comb 🤣

This thread stays open because some of the early posters still check back in occasionally, lots of people are still reading here.

Hi cwillie and SparkyY; thanks for getting it. I started this thread a long time ago and mom died in 2010. It has always been interesting when I was attacked (and still am attacked) by folks who are obviously having a hard time and need to lash out.

That toothbrush thing really happened and I knew at the time that there was no way I was alone with the goofy, and funny, and ultimately, sad, things that happened. We were all full time caregivers at that point and when I posted that, I had been in the trenches for over 5 years.

I was joined by a group of people that were pretty cool.

I still believe the humor I applied to my own circumstance, and the humor displayed by the other caregivers was very healing, and helped get us all through a bad time.

My respect for anyone who has done this job, and who has Empathy for those of us who truly suffered through caregiving a dementia patient.

Welcome to the Grossed Out thread, and I hope to see more of you guys and learn what you're going through.

Vent and Live.

lovbob

Hey cuz, Mike is back in hospital trying to get some fluids removed so he can have a left leg bypass this coming Thursday. If they can get blood flow to his left foot they will probably take off his big toe do to a bad bone infection. If the bypass doesn't work the prospects don't look good. Will keep you in the loop ok? Hugs
luvCuz

Hi Cuz. Tell Mike hello and that I'm hoping for his best outcome.
Love ya Cuz.

lovbob

Bobbie. Update is they cancelled everything because heart is to weak. I got him home today and I guess whatever happens, happens. He will be going to a pain clinic in about 3 weeks but the last one was a joke so we will have to wait and see. Hugs luvCuz

A farmer decided he wanted to go to town and see a movie.
The ticket agent asked, sir, what’s that on your shoulder?”
The old farmer said, “That’s my pet rooster chuck. Wherever I go, chuck goes.”
“I’m sorry sir,” said the ticket agent. “We can’t allow animals in the theatre.”
The old farmer went around the corner and stuffed chuck down his overalls.
Then he returned to the booth, bought a ticket, and entered the theatre.
He sat down next to two old widows named Mildred and Marge.
The movie started and the rooster began to squirm. The old farmer unbuttoned his fly so chuck could stick his head out and watch the movie.
“Marge,” whispered Mildred.
“What?” said Marge.
“I think the guy next to me is a pervert.”
“What makes you think so?” asked Marge?
“He undid his pants and he has his thing out”, whispered Mildred.
“Well, don’t worry about it”, said Marge. “At our age we’ve seen ’em all”
“I thought so too”, said Mildred, “But this one’s eatin’ my popcorn!”

An old tired-looking dog wanders into a guy's yard. He examines the dog's collar and feels his well-fed belly and knows the dog has a home.
The dog follows him into the house, goes down the hall, jumps on the couch, gets comfortable and falls asleep. The man thinks its rather odd, but lets him sleep. After about an hour the dog wakes up, walks to the door and the guy lets him out. The dog wags his tale and leaves.
The next day the dog comes back and scratches at the door. The guy opens the door, the dog comes in, goes down the hall, jumps on the couch, gets comfortable and falls asleep again. The man lets him sleep. After about an hour the dog wakes up, walks to the door and the guy lets him out. The dog wags his tale and leaves.
This goes on for days. The guy grows really curious, so he pins a note on the dog's collar: "Your dog has been taking a nap at my house every day."
The next day the dog arrives with another note pinned to his collar: "He lives in a home with four children -- he's trying to catch up on his sleep. Can I come with him tomorrow?'

MY DADDY SLEEPS NAKED
"Late again!" the third-grade teacher sternly said to little Ranger.
"It ain't my fault this time, Miss Russell. You can blame this 'un on my Daddy. The reason I'm three hours late is my Daddy sleeps naked!"
Now, Miss Russell had taught grammar school for 30-some-odd years. Despite her mounting fears, she asked little Ranger what he meant by that. Full of grins and mischief, and in the flower of his youth, little Ranger and trouble were old friends, but he always told her the truth."You see, Miss Russell, out at the farm we got this here low down fox. The last few nights, he done ate six hens. Last night, when Daddy heard a noise out in the chicken pen, he grabbed his double barreled shot gun and said to my Ma, "That fox is back again... I'm a gonna git him!''
"Stay back," Daddy whispered to all us kids!
My Daddy was naked as a jaybird -- no boots, no pants, no shirt! To the hen house he crawled, just like a ninja on the snoop. Then, he stuck that double-barreled 12-gauge shotgun through the window of the coop. As he stared into the darkness, with a fox on his mind, our old hound dog, Rip, had done gone and woke up and comes sneaking up behind Daddy. Then, as we all looked on, plumb helpless, old Rip done went and stuck his cold nose in my Daddy's crack!"
"Miss Russell, we all been pluckin' chickens since three o'clock this mornin!"

Bwahaha! This had been THE worst day ever and I just have to say Thank You for these jokes. I'm not even reading anything more tonight. I'm stopping with the best!

OK, so what do you call a male dog with short legs and large genitalia?
SPARKY