Grossed out and need to vent—I just caught Mom using my toothbrush to comb her hair!

Thanks, Miz, and again I apologize, I just falling back into the self-pity trap. I believe that by nature I'm a fairly happy guy, but i'm defenseless when it comes to other's tearing me down.
Think the boat could dock in tibet?

Ted, I know you're angry, scared and hurt! I know! ! But not once when I went thru the hell with my situation did I ever back down and want to give up. I knew I was being attacked, not because I asked for it but because of a very vicious, jealous, mentally unstable person wanted me to hurt like her. I refused to play her game,,, The fight I fought was well worth it, she was playing with MY LIFE!!! And I wasn't going to allow it, period.
I know this is going to sound strange but when I take on an agressive dog the first thing they will do is move forward into my space because it's use to everyone in the family backing away. That gives him the power! When he approaches me, he expects the same. When I stand still and move into him, he now has no choice but to move back; now I've claimed my space... Does any of this make any sense to you? Lots of hugs my friend... Don't back down, you're a fighter! It's ok to have these feelings, I did. But take a deep breath and step forward!!! Hey, if I can work with Pitbulls, Rotties, German Shepherds, Dobies, you can handle your weak sister... :)

Goodnight all, gotta get ready for my two Dobies in the morning! LOL

Subject: Senior texting code
Since more and more “older people” are texting and tweeting, there appears to
be a need for a STC (Senior Texting Code).
· ATD: At The Doctor's
· BFF: Best Friend Farted
· BTW: Bring The Wheelchair
· BYOT: Bring Your Own Teeth
· CBM: Covered By Medicare
· CUATSC: See You At The Senior Center
· DWI: Driving While Incontinent
· FWB: Friend With Beta Blockers
· FWIW: Forgot Where I Was
· FYI: Found Your Insulin
· GGPBL: Gotta Go, Pacemaker Battery Low!
· GHA: Got Heartburn Again
· HGBM: Had Good Bowel Movement
· IMHO: Is My Hearing-Aid On?
· LMDO: Laughing My Dentures Out
· LOL: Living On Lipitor
· LWO: Lawrence Welk's On
· OMMR: On My Massage Recliner
· OMSG: Oh My! Sorry, Gas.
· ROFL... CGU: Rolling On The Floor Laughing... And Can't Get Up
· SGGP: Sorry, Gotta Go Poop
· TTYL: Talk To You Louder
· WAITT: Who Am I Talking To?
· WTFA: Wet The Furniture Again
· WTP: Where's The Prunes?
· WWNO: Walker Wheels Need Oil
.

Ted someone commented on putting your mom's stuff in a trust. That is what we did with my mom. Seeing that you are a poa I think it would be the right thing to do. If you can't find the help with the trust I know an attorny here in Michigan that has connections all over that might help. He deals with estate planning and elder law. Hang in there ok? You are on my prayer list.
Cuz

Friends are Keepsakes

Friends are keepsakes
So precious and rare--
Keepsakes to cherish
And handle with care...
Friends are treasures
Much richer than gold--
Treasures intended
To have and to hold...
They're timeless blessing,
The greatest by far
Especially when someone's
The friend that you CARGIVERS are...

My wife got that note from a good friend of hers. I just added the word caregivers because I think all of you are great friends
Love to all
Cuz

You can retire to Phoenix, Arizona where...
1. You are willing to park 3 blocks away because you found shade.
2. You've experienced condensation on your hiney from the hot water in the toilet bowl.
3. You can drive for 4 hours in one direction and never leave town.
4. You have over 100 recipes for Mexican food.
5. You know that "dry heat" is comparable to what hits you in the face when you open your oven door.
6. The 4 seasons are: tolerable, hot, really hot, and ARE YOU KIDDING ME??!!

OR

You can retire to California where...
1. You make over $250,000 and you still can't afford to buy a house.
2. The fastest part of your commute is going down your driveway.
3. You know how to eat an artichoke.
4. You drive your rented Mercedes to your neighborhood block party.
5. When someone asks you how far something is, you tell them how long it will take to get there rather than how many miles away it is.
6. The 4 seasons are: Fire, Flood, Mud, and Drought.

OR

You can retire to New York City where...
1. You say "the city" and expect everyone to know you mean Manhattan.
2. You can get into a four-hour argument about how to get from Columbus Circle to Battery Park, but can't find Wisconsin on a map.
3. You think Central Park is "nature."
4. You believe that being able to swear at people in their own language makes you multi-lingual.
5. You've worn out a car horn. (Ed. Note if you have a car).
6. You think eye contact is an act of aggression.

OR

You can retire to Minnesota where...
1. You only have four spices: salt, pepper, ketchup, and Tabasco.
2. Halloween costumes fit over parkas.
3. You have more than one recipe for casserole.
4. Sexy lingerie is anything flannel with less than eight buttons.
5. The four seasons are: winter, still winter, almost winter, and construction.

OR

You can retire to the Deep South where...
1. You can rent a movie and buy bait in the same store.
2. "Y'all" is singular and "all y'all" is plural.
3. "He needed killin" is a valid defense.
4. Everyone has 2 first names: Billy Bob, Jimmy Bob, Mary Sue, Betty Jean, Mary Beth, etc.
5. Everything is either "in yonder," "over yonder" or "out yonder." It's important to know the difference, too.

OR

You can retire to Colorado where...
1. You carry your $3,000 mountain bike atop your $500 car.
2. You tell your husband to pick up Granola on his way home so he stops at the day care center.
3. A pass does not involve a football or dating.
4. The top of your head is bald, but you still have a pony tail.

OR

You can retire to the Midwest where...
1. You've never met any celebrities, but the mayor knows your name.
2. Your idea of a traffic jam is ten cars waiting to pass a tractor.
3. You have had to switch from "heat" to "A/C" on the same day.
4. You end sentences with a preposition: "Where's my coat at?"
5. When asked how your trip was to any exotic place, you say, "It was different!"

OR

FINALLY You can retire to Florida where.
1. You eat dinner at 3:15 in the afternoon.
2.. All purchases include a coupon of some kind -- even houses and cars.
3. Everyone can recommend an excellent dermatologist.
4. Road construction never ends anywhere in the state.
5. Cars in front of you often appear to be driven by headless people.

ted, I hope you can get some sleep tonight and that you follow through with your plan to get guardianship if that is what must be done, or whatever you need to do to protect your rights. I can always think better in the morning, so I write things down that are worrying me and then I can get to sleep.
cuz, is it earlier where you are? it's 11:45 here.
I brought my Mom to the doctor today. She thinks that mom doesn't have much time left, maybe just a few weeks , she said. I was thinking she had several months, or more. She has been sleeping a lot, and can't speak, etc. So I'm trying to digest the news. Sad stuff. I'm damned glad that I've been here for her when she needed me. I called my sons and they may be coming out soon. Have to figure it out. Guess I'll try and get some rest.

Bubba T, I am so sorry to hear what you've been through! I hope you're fast asleep now as I'm writing this. Just had a thought...i usually take a small tape recorder with me to important doctor, lawyer, etc. meetings. Do you have one that you can take with you to the lawyer's meeting? It really helps to be able to refer back to it after the meeting to be sure you got it right. Please keep us updated.

Rip, I am SO sorry I missed chatting with you today! I had gone downstairs to check on Larry. Try again maybe Wed. night? Give Sir & Harper a hug for me.

Diane & Miz, I'm also SO sorry that I couldn't get back with you on chat tonight...had a computer meltdown! How is cubby's Mom? How did the house hunting go?

Linda, I'm SO glad that you posted tonight! I was getting worried about you! Hole patrol...Are you ok?? How is Pa??

Ladeeda, glad that Ruth is being easier to care for! Glad that you're going to the doc with her!

Still...what an ordeal with your sister! Sounds like booty whipping time to me! Glad that you posted in the newspaper! That took guts! Proud of you!

Deef, does Dennis have a hobby? As for the meds...See if your doctor can help you to get on a patient assist program that works with the prescription companies. We have 2 here. One is done through the Health Dept. & the other is called Med Bank & is also another part of the Health Dept. It only costs $10 per month per person for ALL of your meds. Eligilibility is based on your income. If your doctor isn't famular, check with your health dept. or your area dept on aging or at your dept. of family children's services. It's been a lifesaver for me! Hope it works!

Jam, glad that you had a good time, made it back safely & raked in a few bucks! Even better!

Christina, how's the water works coming along?

Diane, Good ice cream! lol

Pirate, how are you & your Mom?

Jen, how's the job hunting going? Try the newspaper office...you'd be good at that!

HB, how is Gran? Better, I hope! Thanks for the words of encouragement! My aunt isn't being able to keep anything down. She's going to have another kind of test on Mar. 4, but said she don't know if she'll last that long. Said she's weak. My grandmother's name was Vera! Small world!

Cuz, I hope the snow has stopped & things are better for you!

Rossella, you're such a sweetheart! I'm glad that you had a good eperience with people offering to help you! In today's time that's pretty amazing & refreshing!

Elizabeth, where are you? Kuli? SS? Bonnie? Bobbie?

Hubby is still having a difficult time with his new meds causing nausea & dizziness. He won't let me call the doc yet! MEN!!! I'm still having a very difficult time in getting over the anemia & thyroid problem...still have NO energy whatsoever!!! Still waiting for the biopsy results, too. Things have got to start getting better soon!!! Gotta!!! All I want to do right now is sleep! ZZZzzzzzzz...
********************************************************************************

Love & hugs from the Peach State!

sskape, I just read your post! Sweetie, I'm SO sorry! You can be expecting it, but that doesn't make it any easier! I'm glad your sons are coming soon! Please remember that we're here for you!

Hugs & Love,
peach

Good Morning Crew,

omg Ted! Your skank sister is good for one thing.... she got me out of my funk. I was circling the hole and doing the best I could.. dreading going back and handling more mom stuff. the stuff that almost killed me last June.... and then, one of us is attacked.
Ted Ted Ted.
ok..... yas, you could be a Mate on the boat or you do as StillStanding suggests (and what an ordeal she had to face compliments of a lunatic sib) and you stand there flat footed and fight. Finish the fight and THEN come and be a mate on the boat!!!
All the suggestions made here have been valid, thoughtful and CORRECT. do them and live easier. I wish I had had this support when I was in the throes of mom in 04,5,6,7,8... I know that I would have made better decisions.
My mom's 'friends' would pick her up with no warning and take her away for hours and I would have no idea where or what. Mom was totally in agreement with her friends and it was done to upset me with a 'we'll show her, she thinks she can control me...' type of approach so I know what I was going through then and so I have a tiny idea of what you are going through now with this insanity. This was the period of time when mom ran into traffic to show me 'I can do what I want'
Ted and everybody: just remember to keep breathing.
It took me awhile to realize that when I was getting stressed to the max, which is a moment to moment occurance in caregiving, I was holding my breath. I am still trying to break myself of the habit.
Ted! thank God Skank Sister didn't show up at respite and try to take your mom away!!

StillStanding, what an ordeal. you are a wonderful person to have dealt with that and Still be as sweet and kind as you are. I can't even imagine being restrained and institutionalized. what control you have to be able to live through that experience and not become a permanent resident of the ward! I fear that my emotions would have gotten the best of me and I would not have appeared sane at ALL.

Ted and Still, you both have my absolute respect.
Ted, I get my new phone plan by tonight so if you still want to talk... unlimited now!!!

sorry Crew that I have been missing.
Thank you Christina and Linda for the hugs and Miz and Rip and Peach and all for the emails and I truly appreciate you guys more than you will ever know.

OK, I have to go up to the yard office for some boat stuff and I will check in again later.
Cuz! good advice and jokes! Yer a smart sweet guy!

This is a good crew who can sail the ship when the cap is under the weather. Which is all I have been saying. This thread and the people on it are way stronger than any one person and I love it that way. We are all good leaders and good followers. Can't be one without the other.
We are like good married people. successfully Married people know that only one of them can go nuts at a time. If both go nuts, game over. One at a time, game on.

We are GAME ON!

Oh! FINALLY got a ride to the post office to send Miz's box! Yay! Had to wait around until the yard guy had PO business and then I could hitch a ride.

DEEF!!! I love to write DEEF!!!
more later,
lovbob

Thanks, cuz. i have been looking for an atty who deals specifically for eldercare for a while now but there doesn't seem to be one any closer than Wilmington NC, We live in Beaufort, NC 28516.
As far as I am aware, mom doesn't Have anything worth putting into a trust, but that is one of the reasons I need to get more control over this situation, to know exactly what I'm dealing with. And to protect myself from siblings that might think there's something to steal from mom, but are mostly trying to victimize me because of the theft they have already committed against my father's estate. His estate was fairly large and is still being probated because of on-going payments into it, His will, ( and what he told us all his whole life) states that everything is to divided equally SPECIFICALLY TO AVOID THIS KIND OF THING, but that is not what my sister is doing, I believe that her own guilt and a deliberate effort to keep me distracted from what she's doing is behind all this. I also believe that her actions are intended as a vieled threat that if I keep asking questions and persue my beneficiary rights, she will attack my situation here with mom, and cause mom and me both more grief and stress. So. I will go forward with getting everything about mom and me water-tight (Caregiver contract, full authorization to act on her behalf over and above the POA, etc). Once I feel that I have some solid ground beneath me, I'll begin demanding the respect i deserve about being mom's sole caregiver, and about my rights as an equal beneficiary of dad's estate.
By treating me like some kind of cheaply hired personal assistant to mom, she's exhibiting all the classic symptoms of the disdian that abusers have towrds thier victims, and though I have no hope, or even want to make her see the error of her ways, if I am going to continue to do this caregiving, I need to feel secure and protected from her attacks and abuse which NOTHING to do with me, or mom, or our life together.
In short, she's a dangerous frekin nutcase who I am going to treat like the rabid dog she is.

now it's my turn for the "pity party". I'm holding it together to make this time as pleasant as possible for my mom. I'm enduring only having help for an hour a day from hospice. But under the surface, I would like to state that my brother, who has POA, is a cheap bast@rd for not being willing to pay for some help for me at this point. What the he!l is wrong with people. Even my other brother who lives in vermont, I called and told him that he may want to visit to see his mom once more before she dies. He's not willing to travel the 6 hrs, and he doesn't even work at this time of year. he owns a Christmas tree farm and is cross country skiing. I am better off here without annoying , hurtful family around, but it still hurts.

sskape, I am so sorry about your mom and about your stupid brothers. You definitely need more help and support during this difficult time. How selfish they are!! You know that we are here for you. It's not the same as having caring loving people there I know but it definitely does help A LOT. It sure helped me go through it. So much!! Our Captain was totally there for me and kept everyone posted on what was happening. I know you were here too. :) Please keep venting on here and you know you have our total support. Love you!!

miz

Bobbie, thanks so much for sending my package!! I can't wait to get it!!

love,
miz

ssk, I want you to know how much I admire you. Give those other people the call to let them know whats happening the n forget them. You are nothing short of beautiful to be dedicating everything to creating a pleasant environment for your mom. There are some gifts we give in life that we might think will never even be noticed, but they are always the largest, most wonderful things that are ever done. Your mom is a lucky, lucky woman.

Thanks, miz, good to hear from you, bobbie, and Ted , you sound strong this morning. good. thanks peach, for your nice comments. miz, how is the house hunting going? I'll have to move on from here some day. Now I know how you felt when going thru the last weeks with your mom. I feel really tired and like there is just too much to have to think about. Couldn't sleep, etc. I wish the doctor didn't say that she expect there would only be a few weeks left. I was in a good routine and feeling positive, I'll face the end when it gets here. sorry, still venting!

ssk- im so sorry that ur hurting , it hurts to know what an a&& siblings u have , i think that as far as theyre concerned she has passed years ago . they dont want to face it or deal with it but yet they have us facin it and deal with it . thats ok we can do it cuz we are brave and we have the biggest heart , kinded people are hard to come by now days ,
we all here are so kinded and have a big hearts and love and honor our parents . the man upstairs sees that and so does our parents . we all are a blessing child .
ted- i sure hope everything goes a smooth sailing for you and ur mom . u had me smiling when u said u should have heard me i was a italian ! and me lookin at ur cat makes me grin even more . i love that cat s look ! keep on ventin and you;ll feel better , makes u smarter and think wiser , ur sister will end up with no hair ! :-)
stillstanding- my big hugs to you . i dont dare want to make u upset at all , knowing ur dogs can chew anybody up when u say go get em ! i love german shepard , my brothers wold always have those kind and when i first got married my hubby had a dobberman CAIN , he s a sweetie but can turn into a monster when u tell him to go get em !
bobbie- glad to hear from you . horray unlimited phone. i think its cheaper that way than havin to worry about going over the limits . thats when it bites ya hard , my daughter tried to tell me that and i just had to find out on my own , ohh ow ow ow ouchhh .
pa woke up early crying says back hurts so bad , ah smelled souppy poop . told him to stay in bed and i got him all cleaned up and saw some bedsores , slop a thick ole cream on it and rolled over to his side , gave him painpills for his back , served him bfast in bed and he s watching andy griffon on tv ,
got allmy bills paid and now i think i shall take a nap . been up since 4 am ,
pirate- hows ur mom ? hope things are going the way you want it to be ,
my mind has gone blank , thinkin i need to go ck on dad . you all have a good day and keep ur head above the black hole , plzzz .
jsomebody , truecolors , castoff , tons others ! plz ck in , missing you all , rip .... xoxoxox

Hubby looked at a bunch of houses yesterday. Just the outsides and peaked in windows and stuff. We are going to look with a realtor but don't know when that will be because of his mom. Our weekends might be full for awhile and time is getting short on us getting a new place. My sore throat is here/back. I don't understand it. Shouldn't I be well by now?? Okay, enough bitching for now. Gonna eat breakfast. Love yous!!

miz

SSK,
I am so sorry about your mom. Everything everyone has said here is so true about you being a wonderful angel to your mom.
These weeks will be sacred.

Do you have the bkbooks . com books yet?
Please get them, they are so worth it (3 bucks apiece) and they will bring you peace in the midst of chaos.
They really helped me.
SSK, please don't worry about venting or complaining or anything. This is not a pity party for you. This is real life and you do what you have to do to get through it. You say exactly what's on your mind and we will be here. I may disappear for a day or two, but as all can see, the support and the love stays right here ready and waiting for any and all that need it. Right now you will need it and if you want you can have my #. Some of the crew have it on FB (please give it to SSK) so if you want to text or whatever, I will sleep with my phone like I did with Miz.
What you are about to experience will be hard and in some ways it will be strangely beautiful because your mom is going where there is no pain and suffering and she will be whole again and with the people who love her.
Tell her everything you want to tell her and just sit with her and hold her hand.... and remember to breathe!

When we look at behavior and understand that all behavior is rooted in love or fear, you will understand that your brothers are fearful and that makes them act like idiots.
The only behavior you can control is your own and using that equation of love and fear, we can all see that you are standing in a field of pure love. That's why they fear you so.
When one stands rooted in pure love it is intimidating to so many people. Look what happened to poor Jesus. A fearful mob.

We are here and you are not alone. the angels who have gone on before are near you and your mom and you both may even be able to sense them.

This is indeed a sacred time.

lovbob

Good Morning All, I have a suggestion... Would everyone be ok with listing there city and state on the profiles? Think it might help knowing where eveyone lives. ie: how's the weather? I'd hate to share the beautiful sunshine here and not feel for those who are buried 10 inches under, LOL
Gotta run, training my Dobies to stay "again" for my clients... She says, "They do it for you and listen but not me". Oops, someone isn't doing their homework, LOL

ssk.....my heart goes out to you. You are in the exact spot I was in last December with my mother except for 1 point...I did have my oldest sister there with mom and me at the end for a time. I sent her home in the evening...she had been at work all day and had over an hour's drive yet to get home and bless her heart and darn her at the same time, she has raised one of her grandchildren and now a great-grandchild because her daughter is an idiot. The grandchild has Turner's syndrome (doesn't grow much) but a smart, beautiful child with a sense of humor that will keep you rolling...she and HB would love each other....the great-grandchild was born missing the right side of her brain, has all kinds of health issues. My sister's youngest daughter took custody of the child but sis has her on weekends. Sister's oldest is a nurse of all things and did such a poor job of raising her children. Anyway, I am off track here. The oldest sat with me the night mom passed before I sent her home, the next sister was home with a migraine, and of course I've written about the two youngest, uncaring siblings.....looking back on it now I'm glad they weren't there. I have to believe that by them not being there it made mom's passing easier for her.....there was no tension and believe me there would have been even though it was unspoken. Right up to the time mom got sick her mental status was still intact....oh sure she would occasionally say something off the wall, but she knew who came to see her all the time, who took her to appt, who bought her things, who's house she went to for the holidays when she could still get out....it was so funny to watch, when she could still kind of walk, entry into my home is stairs, no matter which way in....we would start at the entryway with my head and shoulders under her butt and hubby holding her hands, I would push and he would guide her up the stairs.....whew!! Mom was around 280 lbs.
I learned a few things working in EMS all those years and observing a lot of families.....and of course the hubby helps me look at things from a different perspective.....what are we really grieving when our loved one passes? Okay, they are no longer here with us but aren't we really missing the person they "used to be", not who they had become? I sincerely doubt that we would want our loved one to continue with all the sickness and mental incapacity that was present....we are sad for ourselves...if we have faith that our loved one has gone to "a better place"...then we should rejoice that they are with Jesus and no longer ill or mentally unstable. I said a prayer of Thank You Lord for taking my mom so fast....now she is happy, well, is able to walk and is with her Dad, whom she loved dearly.....don't know how she is handling the 3 former husbands...:). I cried for a day.....then I picked myself up and remembered I AM THE DAUGHTER WHO WAS WITH HER......and told her that it was okay for her to go. The rest of the bunch who couldn't waste their time have to go through their lives bearing that guilt....and it will be there, and I am evil enough to get a small sense of satisfaction from that. I still find that sometimes when I pass the street to the nursing home I think "wonder if Mom needs something".....oops!

I met the col about 11 yrs ago....she was a vibrant woman, I called her a classy broad...:) she went to Hawaii every year with her daughter and family, DisneyWorld, out to dinner, shopping, theater, go, go, go........I have seen her decline over the yrs..........okay if there are secrets being told, here's mine.....I was the "other woman" so I knew things that I have to keep from the col now......been together 17 yrs, married for 7. Sorry if that makes me a terrible person, as bobbie says....it is what it is. Anyway, the decline I have seen is so vastly different from what the col used to be.....her "quality of life" is fast running out. Oh, she can still walk and can put a frozen dinner in the microwave....but anything else is becoming something new each day and I hate to see her go on like that for years......is it to teach me something? Patience? Humility? I just don't know and won't know until my time comes. And as I have said before, I hope I am there to hold her hand when her times comes to walk to the light, and I really hope for her it is a short journey because I do not want to see her suffer.

Love and Hugz to you all and I hope you find some measure of peace in your hearts today....JAM

ssk, eveything every one has said holds true with me also. My heart hurts for you as I am remembering my moms last days. It was sad and yet I knew she would be out of pain, so torn between the onslaught of feelings. But I was with her when she passed. I remember standing at the foot of her bed, she took a labored breath, and then this most majestic look went across her face. In my whole life I had never seen that look on her face. Whether you believe the "veil" was lifted, she saw my brother, or whatever you personally believe, I knew in my heart of hearts that she had found and seen a peace and beauty nothing or no one on this earth could have ever given her. I was so blessed to be with her. You and your mom are in my prayers for the love and strength to do what needs to be done. You are loved and cherished. Please let us know how you are doing...

Jam & Ladeeda, two very beautiful posts...

Ted your sister will have to give an accounting on Judgement day all her evil ways will be discussed and she will wish she had done things different but it will be too late. I pray for you to have the strength and the people you are dealing with to have good wisdom and hope that evil sister will be stopped from hurting you anymore-she needs to get a life of her own and stop messing with yours. For about a day they were posting our home towns on our profiles and I tried to get ahold of another caregiver in my town and it did not go through-it would be nice to be able to call people who lived nearby and exchange information I have so much unasked for experience to share with other and equiptment I would love to give to someone who has need for it. I am wishing for a better today for all you overworked caregivers.

I have stories. Once all is said and done I will post them.

Ted, hoping you have had a better day. Pray you are getting the legal support you need to get things settled so you can have some peace of mind. Thinking of you today...hugs

Ted, are your ears burning? We're wanting to know where you are... Did you have a better day today?

God help us!!!!!!!!!!!!

What, chillout??!!