Is this just my situation or is it common in caregiving just to give in and become couch potato. The second I go to do anything I get yelled for.

Sometimes I think we've been captured and place in torture chambers. I think we start doing things that will help us escape if only for a short time. TV, computer, long walks, telephone are our good friends. What would we do without them. I mean, when the rest of the family and all friends are avoiding any contact, we have to do something to keep ourselves up.

The most I can wish for any caregiver is to be happy. My mother has been obsessing on my father's future death recently. She was talking about how she would prefer to die, and all the people she knew who had died. I told her all I wanted to be was happy. I didn't add that talking about all these ways of dying when I was having dinner was seriously impacting my happiness at the moment.

tbailey, I wish you and me a big bunch of happiness. We can't let people or situations take it away from us. Some people are chronically unhappy. You can try to cheer them up, but they are just determined to be unhappy. It is hard to stay out of that downward whirlpool.

So whatever it takes to be happy, I have no problem with it. I love the TV show, "The Middle." I feel better just watching it. If anyone scoffs at me for watching TV, I would just tell them yeah, well you come over and watch my parents then!

Maybe you should get her out of the living room. I'm not sure I understand your post completely, but it sounds like you need some privacy. Putting someone in the middle of the living space really limits normality. Maybe a separate room with her own TV? My dad has our master bedroom and that is hard on us as we have the guest room and a smaller bed. Still I would prefer that to having my dad in the living room. Don't know if this helps. Sending good thoughts your way.

I didn't understand, either, when I read the first time. After I read again, I get the feeling you need to be able to get out and away from everything. Hearing the TV going all day long with what someone else wants to watch can wear on the nerves. My mother watches Game Show Network or gospel singing on her TV. Both of these things just addle me. Fortunately, I have my own two rooms to escape to.

Do your family members give you breaks? I was thinking how nice it would be if you and your husband could have a night out sometimes. It has to be hard with your MIL right there all the time.

thank you jessie belle & cattail just got home from MIL dr. appt. & was soo happy when I seen you two wrote something lol I cant say front room plan is working It was for her safety now I know she is going to get up without help do gross things really dont matter what room she is in and I would give up my master at this point.
No no one gives me any help My oldest sister n law hasnt had too much to do with her well then when we had to bring her here in Dec. after being in hosp. & nursing home since Oct. We found out that sister who was suppose to be paying her bills and helping her with check book had the checkbook and spent all the money even in Dec. while she lived here she gave her 2 daughters over 150.00 a piece for there christmas gift & said she was buying her mom 50.00 worth of bath n body products from hsn for a long time We never found any so since my husband & his other sister became poa & took checkbook back she says she is done & doesnt want anything to do with her own mom. wow Then the sister that helps does take us on mondays to dr appt. and she does her moms hair and will take her out if I can get MIL to go. so pretty much me doing all the caregiving THank you all for listening.. seems like I dont want to vent to very many people or they might quit calling mw lol thanks again guys appreciate it sure helps....

Who is everyone? It is your house, you should decide where a guest should be. AND, she is a guest. Albeit, no a very nice one at that. If you are doing the caregiving and it is your house someone else is living in, you should make the rules. Nuff said.

If you MIL is in the living room so you can watch her, let me offer a suggestion. We purchased a baby monitor that has a video camera. We can hear and watch my dad from any room in the house, day and night, as the volume can be increased when we are sleeping. During the day, I can see when he is wanting to get out of his chair, usually because he needs to use the bathroom, and I can be there immediately. We have pressure alarms on his bed and recliner, so that alarm is an extra insurance that we are alerted when he is getting up. My dad is incontinent, but we manage to get him to the bathroom, especially for bowel movements, in time. He has our master bedroom because that allows closer access to the bathroom, plus we have a walk-in shower that is helpful to him. Maybe you don't have to give up your MBR, but get her out of the living room if that relieves family stress. The camera set up was around $150.00. Pay for it out of her money. Same with the pressure alarms. Let me also say something about the pressure alarms. They are pads that go under the sheets or on the chair. My dad use to have a clip on alarm, which was clipped to his clothes, but he caught on to that and so would unclip them when he wanted to get up and avoid the alarm. He can't do that with the pressure alarm pads. It's all about keeping them safe and keeping our sanity. I hope this helps.

I feel like a couch potato too. When my husband gets home that is when I get things done. I also try and use the early am hours to get things done as well.

Yeah your right Everyone was all them visitors there at hospital that havent seen too much of lately so how the heck would they know where she was staying anyway! Might just start that project tommrow lol ....Thank you cattails friend just dropped off a alarm MIL mad they used them on her in nursing home she got aggitated and saying I Dont need that BEEP BEEP thing But OH SHE DOES!! Then the baby monitors and Camera Never thought Oh that would be will be nice Im doing that for her room and your dad sounds like her just trying to get up keep her safe her safety o she would fall 10x a day if she could i think. She has been doing the falling for two years back when she lived at home thank god she never broke 1 bone..Thank you all Im excited.. Cant wait to talk to my hubby about grannys new living arrangements!!

I'm glad you liked my suggestions. My dad would fall in the nursing home because the alarm tells you when they get up but by then you are on the run to get their fast enough. The video monitor is the day time god send. My dad has not had a fall in the 4 1/2 months he has been here. Take care tbailey and good luck. Love, Hugs and Best Wishes.

My 89-year-old father sits in the living room most of the day listening to talking books. I've gotten to the point where I can't stand to be around him very often and I end up staying in my bedroom most of the time. I have a TV and the Internet, but still... We have a 2-bedroom apartment now and I feel like the walls are closing in. I do get out and walk when the weather is okay, but still will be glad when I have a larger area to live in.

I understand the need to stay in separate areas.Just will be glad when I have my own place.

You do need your own space and time, maybe someone can come and take care of her or sit with her for a few hours a day, have you turned to your church? alot of them will help with just sitting and talking with her. I have the opposite in my house, My FIL stays in his room making himself busy with going through notes that we have already taken care of and when he does come into the main part of the house to ask me something and I answer he gets mad at me for whatever. so I have started to withdraw. But there is hope that we can get him into assisted living. If not then I will check myself into the funny farm lol just kidding have to try and make light of this dark situation somehow.

Bloomer gal Dont sound like your father needs you there your lucky to be getting your own place Im in my house but MIL needs me pretty much 24/7 I cant stay in bedroom or she would fall or play with her colostomy bag (she says it itches) Which she has surgery to reverse it Monday.... YEAH!

I recently bought a couple exercise rubber bands that comes with DVDs, it's just right for me and I'm 50 and very out of shape. It's also good for my Mom. We can watch the DVD together and try to exercise together in the living room. It's something different to do besides just watching TV. Here's the description of it: Everlast Total Body Compact Resistance Exerciser w/DVD

Boy, are you related to me? I hear myself in your words. I've recently setup my facebook. I've been chatting with friends that I haven't seen in 35 yrs. It really helps me, you should give it a try. Oh another thing I've recently done is, I've decided that I'm going to try to make the evenings after work more fun. I ordered a small pizza for me and Mom wanted a BLT. The food comes with free popcorn. We had fun with the popcorn! We threw popcorn for the Kitties to play with, it was funny. I had to pick up the mess but it was fun while it lasted. Yup, I'm a couch potatoe too. During the work week, after work, I take mom out shopping, we really don't need anything but it gives Mom a chance to get out of the house and we just walk around the stores looking at stuff. We usually buy something, but not alot. Just some ideas that I've come up with.

My 89-year-old father sits in the living room most of the day listening to talking books. I've gotten to the point where I can't stand to be around him very often and I end up staying in my bedroom most of the time. I have a TV and the Internet, but still... We have a 2-bedroom apartment now and I feel like the walls are closing in. I do get out and walk when the weather is okay, but still will be glad when I have a larger area to live in.

I understand the need to stay in separate areas.Just will be glad when I have my own place.

Depending on the elderly persons/parents mobility, I would like suggest senior day care or camp. Most communities have them at little or no cost. My boss is Jewish, and there is a wonderful one here. She doesn't go that much anymore because she is ashamed of the fact that she can hardly walk , and is too proud to let her peers or friends see her like that. I tell her, at this stage of the game, it shouldn't matter. But, I know the senior daycare facilities can be life savers for the caregiver that needs a break. Some may not be interested. If you highlight the fact that they will have a break from you for a while, and will be independently going about their own business while at the facilities, they may help convince them. They all serve hit meals, and have many activities. There's even a few poker games to partake....if you can keep it on the down-low. At least there is at the one I've visited. But, you're not supposed to say anything, and if you do the elderly men get mad as hell! Even if for just a few hours a day or week. Break up the monotony. Good luck...p.s. I push my boss around the block too...at least three times a week. She loves that!

My 89-year-old father sits in the living room most of the day listening to talking books. I've gotten to the point where I can't stand to be around him very often and I end up staying in my bedroom most of the time. I have a TV and the Internet, but still... We have a 2-bedroom apartment now and I feel like the walls are closing in. I do get out and walk when the weather is okay, but still will be glad when I have a larger area to live in.

I understand the need to stay in separate areas.Just will be glad when I have my own place.

Get guard rails on the bed and buy wireless headphones for the TV. Sanity savers. Check what services she could be eligible for that could give you some relief.