General topics.

As far as the whole moral issue of the man and his girlfriend taking care of the wife. On one hand I think it's great if it's legit and they are doing this from a place of caring. But on the other hand, he did promise to love, honor and cherish in sickness and in health.

They showed him and his wife and girlfriends photos. He and his wife are both in their late sixties, early seventies I would guess. It was hard to tell cause they were African american and a lot of them look young for their age. The girlfriend looked to me to be in her late thirties, early forties, blonde, slim and attractive.

Could he be doing this for fear of losing his assets if he left his wife? There is always that to consider. A person with Alzheimer's can still be co owner and so on of property, assets etc. can't they. Maybe if he left her he'd lose all that. Who knows. I am skeptical.

Good ol' Brewer! (hmmmmmm, where's mine, naming no names Daughter 2...) Thank you :)

cm - E. Cobham Brewer 1810–1897. Dictionary of Phrase and Fable. 1898. Leather or Prunella. It is all leather or prunella. Nothing of any moment, all rubbish. Prunella is a woollen stuff, used for the uppers of ladies’ boots and shoes. (See SALT.)   1       “Worth makes the man, and want of it the fellow,The rest is all but leather or prunella.”        Pope: Essay on Man. https://www.bartleby.com/81/10051.html

Can't remember what I was looking for but one thing led to another and I just stumbled over this:

Love, hope, and joy, fair pleasure's smiling train, 
Hate, fear, and grief, the family of pain, 
These mix'd with art, and to due bounds confin'd, 
Make and maintain the balance of the mind: 
The lights and shades, whose well accorded strife 
Gives all the strength and colour of our life. 

Alexander Pope, Essay on Man II.

I remember now: I was looking up what "leather and prunella" meant as a turn of phrase. Anybody know?

Isn't it supposed to be about the care that is provided? Isn't it supposed to be about the caregiver taking care of themselves?

I understand both viewpoints. I do not have a problem with this.

Crikey, Gershun.

Interesting test of one's open-mindedness, eh.

You can't rely on the do unto others rule.
If we went along with 'what the eye doesn't see the heart doesn't grieve over' rule then you could get away with doing pretty much anything you like to a person with dementia, so that won't wash.
He ain't keeping his vows. It does not say 'only unto her unless she doesn't know about it.'
He isn't forced to leave his wife if he can't have his girlfriend there; he would be forced not to have sex with this lady until his wife passes away, which is what he agreed to, without conditions.

But, I have to admit, to my way of thinking, and depending on how good at caregiving both of these people are and how they feel about the wife: if it means that the lady gets two devoted caregivers for the price of one I'm fine with that. And I have known of ménages à trois that work well, it's just they've always been based on the free consent of all parties.

I'd be interested to know what's in it for the girlfriend. Were she and the wife friends beforehand or anything? Rather her than me, anyway.

Cwillie. I wash my shower liner in a large bag meant for washing items in the machine. Then I line dry it.

Madge, I saw that that was on last night. I had seen it before. It was quite sad I thought.

I was up at the crack of dawn this morning, (well actually didn't sleep at all, was up all night) I started watching one of those morning news programs. This one they were discussing a story of this man who lives somewhere in the states whose wife is very ill with Alzheimer's and how he has a girlfriend now who lives with them and helps him care for his wife. They were debating on whether this is morally wrong or not. His wife is so far into the disease that she doesn't know or care and rather than move out with this woman and desert his wife he has chosen to stay and have them both care for her. I can't really wrap my head around this one. On one hand he is cheating on his wife whether she knows it or not but on the other hand he is doing right by her by staying and caring for her. What do you all think about this?

I saw it and liked it.

Caught a movie on cable last night
away from her

parts of it were cliche but someone involved brought glimpses of experience to it

roger ebert's review of it is quite good

I'll buy a new one when I take a run into the city. In my town there are the cheap ones from the dollar store (which have the thickness of saran wrap) or overpriced ones from the hardware store, duct tape will do for now.

CW, I did that once, but instead of duct tape I bought a new one. Liners are usually between $4.00 and $12.00 from wally world.

So, I thought it would be a good idea to wash my shower curtain and liner today. It wasn't. The curtain looks great, the liner now has a big hole😮.
Duct tape to the rescue.

Gee, I hope I haven't started something with my where is Veronica post. I've seen Stacey on here lately. Let's all calm down and take a minute. Lol

Pamz, I'm of the impression that Stacey and Book are both posting when they have time and feel like they have something to add or share. Maybe they will show up here to speak for themselves. :-)

But yep, Stacey posted in DYS yesterday, I believe.

i saw NYdaughterinlaw on this post yesterday https://www.agingcare.com/questions/who-is-the-employer-for-moms-caregivers-my-mother-or-me-445551.htm

GardenArtist, she really helped me when I first found this forum, i hope she is ok & just left because of the new format.

I feel like I've seen Stacy B here recently,, but now Booklover is missing?

Regarding long time regulars who were on the forum, and now we don't see anymore.

BoniClark, I remember she had a heart attack, then her Mom had passed. This was a few years ago.

There are other names I haven't seen in awhile: StaceyB... JeanneGibbs... NYdaughterInLaw... GardenArtist.... WindyRidge... Vstefans... GuestShop Admin.

I know I was off for awhile as the previous new and improved format was just to overwhelming for me. Then someone notified me [thank you] that the forum was back to pretty much the old format :)

I guess Veronica is not missing. I've just been missing her posts. :)

Here is where I saw Veronica just a few days ago.
https://www.agingcare.com/questions/i-want-to-move-mom-across-country-to-be-near-me-any-suggestions-how-445463.htm?orderby=oldest

Thx FF I haven't seen her name in a long time. Good to know she is still posting.

Gershun, I remember seeing Veronica on the forum a few days ago.... I think... I read so many postings, but I do remember her beautiful cat screen name photo.

I tired to find Veronica using the SEARCH. And what I got was a ton of postings not in any date order. I looked to see if I could arrange the dates at all, but there wasn't anyway I could.

I've been worried about Veronica. Has anyone heard from her recently?

I think we should arrange with admin. to keep in touch with regular posters and let us know if there is something we should know (or at least would like to know)

I've asked my Hubs to come on here if anything ever happens to me and let you all know one way or the other.

But you are right irregardless Ali. I think that second line is "If you believe there's nothing up his sleeve" I think. I'm probably wrong too. LOL

Gershun ~ The tune is by REM, though I don't remember the name of the song.

I think it goes...

"If you believed they put a man on the moon, man on the moon...
If you believe there's nothing out there to see, nothing is cool..."

And I just looked it up and those are not the lyrics lol.

Isn't it funny, how we hear something that sort of makes sense and fits the sound of the words, but isn't the lyrics??? lol

I think about JessieBelle, too, once in awhile. She never said farewell or gave a reason why the sudden abrupt departure. There have been a few once-regulars who exit that way. BoniChak is another one that disappeared pretty suddenly. She wasn't well, her mom wasn't well, as I recall. Then nothing, no more posts from her.

Willie, I was upset to hear that story about the woman freezing to death too.Apparently they cancelled the fire alarm but she was hard of hearing and went outside anyways. Did no one think to check? Really?

Then on the news last night they were discussing how assaults are rising in care homes between residents. I'm so sad my mom is gone but so glad I don't have to worry about that at least. At least until I'm in a care home.

Funny, I was thinking of JessieBell recently too. She said she was leaving the forum a long time ago now.... I wonder if her mother is still alive, and whether she has been able to move on with her life.

What ever happened to JessieBelle? Anybody know?

Sometimes I hate reading the news. This morning I read of a 93 year old woman who died after she was locked out of her seniors residence in Quebec after a CO evacuation.
Then I read that "At least 29 Ontario long-term care residents killed by fellow residents in 6 years". (CBC)
A few days ago I read how an arbitrator ordered a nursing home to rehire a nurse who was fired for stealing her resident's pain medication and shooting up on the job because her addiction is a "disability". This after a long public inquiry about how nurse Elizabeth Wettlaufer was able to get away with murder for years under the noses of those who supposedly have oversight.
What is even worse is that few seem to be terribly outraged about any of it.