General topics.

Why should you feel guilty for declining an invitation to an event you know you won't enjoy?

Have you *ever* enjoyed a meaningful conversation with any of the other guests? And if so, was it during a party or in some completely different kind of gathering?

I think you're treating "not going" as though not going = don't love or care about or want to have anything to do with a single one of you ever again. And it just doesn't. You want to connect with certain of these individuals. But you know, from repeated experience, that this event is one where that is incredibly unlikely to happen.

Be hopeful about talking to them at a place and time where there's room for real conversation, instead.

I'm nagging! - but I just don't want your heart to sink as the party draws ever nearer. Hugs to you.

I guess if it was as simple as just not going it would be that simple but there is the ever present guilt that hangs over my head.

I'm always hopeful that there will be a time when we could have a Walton moment or at the very least a genuine conversation somewhere between the could you pass me another whiskey sour.

Silly me, I know but I haven't totally given up yet

Gershun, not going to the party is NOT a cop-out. It is a rational decision. You can acknowledge your SIL's big milestone in a different way that will be nice for her and not stressful for you.

I'm not joining my ex's family for Passover next weekend. It isn't that I don't appreciate being invited, or that I don't remain very fond of these people. It's that for all sorts of other reasons I don't want to go. So I ain't going.

If you could go to the party and set an example whereby people enjoyed socialising rather than drinking, then it would be a pity not to go, you would achieve some good. But they won't follow your lead, experience has taught you that you will have a rotten time and wish you hadn't gone. Do not waste irreplaceable hours on doing things that you know you will wish you hadn't done.

So the question is, why would someone go to a family gathering that ends in chaos, with worry about them driving home drunk? At all.

You are kind Gershun, and know the difference between judging the person vs. judging their bad behaviors.

I don't consider being an introvert, recluse, or hermit a problem, as long as you are not living under a bridge. Because then one would be a troll. Imo.

Yes. same here Send. Me not drinking seems to bug them. I don't get why.

I don't judge them for drinking. They can get pie eyed for all I care. I don't like it when drunk people get all touchy, feely with me though. Or when they get behind the wheels of their cars. That I do judge.

MsMadge,
My IRS instructions say this about Schedules:

For Tax Year 2018, you will no longer use Form 1040A or Form 1040EZ, but instead will use the redesigned Form 1040. Many people will only need to file Form 1040 and no schedules.

Progressing nicely, I do have hubs signature so far, in case he bails on me.

Gershun,
The drinking part of my family still get together.
It has been years since I have attended any family event with that part of the family. I try not to judge them for drinking, but they do judge me for not drinking.

A 30 minute lunch, last December, does that count?

Willie, my nieces and nephews are young adults now. The youngest is 14. I think he finds get-togethers boring. I don't have a lot of nieces and nephews considering there were seven of us kids. Five to be exact. Two of them are either doing drugs or are recovering from doing drugs. I sometimes wonder if the tendency to do drugs is hereditary. Thank God I never went that route.

I here you when you talk about becoming a hermit. I truly have to force myself. I seldom have a good time at family gatherings. Just too much water under the bridge that has cascaded over the bridge, I guess you could say.

I think if they ever made a movie about my family it should be entitled "Secrets and Lies"

And when I do go to these things I get talked over, teased within an inch of my life and I have a permanent mark now from biting my tongue.

I bet we'll have a quick chat about brother in hospital and then everyone will get hammered into oblivion.

Good Times!! (not)

Found my 1099's, MsMadge.
Thanks for asking.
When I think back that even my CPA/tax attorney missed a filing deadline before,
I reluctantly understand that NO ONE will ever care more about my own finances than me, myself, and I.

So, news to me about there being six tax filing schedules. Guessing I will find out very soon.

Who's afraid of the IRS anyway?

my last two contacts with relatives involved texts so they're not even capable of phoning anymore

Frick had his youngest text to see if I was joining Easter - seems they're going at 2 pm to a restaurant some 85 miles from me
I replied no - didn't have caregivers for the Viking that day
of course, no mention of anyone seeing her on the holiday, which she always hosted
then, my oldest nephew texts if I could call his mom for him about some nonsense - mind you he's nearly 50

so, I went to See's today and got bunnies for mom's caregivers - none of whom are working on Easter so it'll be a long day's journey into night at hoca for me

Send

did you find the other half of your tax schedules - all six of them?

I wasn't sure if the form had a zero on it if it needed to be filed, so I skipped 3 and 6 😂

Gershun, your brother recovers quickly & this is the wake up call he needs in order to kick the habit for good and get his life’s back on track. I say that every time my brother falls off the wagon & has a health crisis because I mean.....you gotta keep the faith I guess. Hope for the best. Not much else you can do right?

Not going isn’t a cop-out either. There’s nothing wrong with putting your own emotional well-being first. I am an introvert too & every time a family get together comes up I am thinking of a way to get out of it! But I’ve learned over the years that sometimes it worth it to suck it up & go. Sometimes you do end up having a good time. If you’ve young got nieces and nephews you could focus on them :)

holidays are funner now that we all have kids but as they get older, they can also be a PITA. My oldest nephew is very high maintenance. He’s an instigator and a manipulator. It never fails, he rounds up all the kids and then gets them all to either exclude one of them & not let them play with the group or gang up on him/her & constantly run to one of us tattling on the excluded person who usually isn’t even doing anything wrong. And if this same nephew gets the most Easter eggs, he brags and boasts to the other kids. BUT if someone else gets more than him, he gets mad and throws a fit. I have no patience for any of that.

If you decide not to go, that’s ok. It’s not a cop out. If you do go, I hope you have a good time!

Are there no little ones in your extended family Gershun? We only have my little great nephew but he is quite literally the life of the party!
I have mixed feelings about family get togethers but I figure if I don't at least make the effort I'll just be spending another day alone, and god knows I'm rapidly slipping from introvert to hermit.

I hear all of you about family get-togethers. I'd rather not. My older brother was found on the street on the 6th unconscious. Turns out he suffered a brain aneurysm. He is in ICU in hospital recovering now.

He is an estranged family member who I have not seen in years. He is schizophrenic and also a crack cocaine/meth addict. He has been living in a halfway house for years and has little or no family contact. I visited him on Wednesday and I don't know if he recognized me or not. He is recovering but chances are he will end up back on the streets cause that seems to be where he prefers to be. So I do wish him a speedy recovery but don't foresee a positive outcome if he gets back out there where drugs are readily available.

How this relates to family get-togethers is that my younger brother had already planned a family get-together for this coming Saturday as his wife is turning the big 50.My stomach was already in knots about going to this, now on top of it my brother in hospital. I'm tempted to just bow out.

It's not that I don't love my family, cause I do. It's just stress on top of stress. Everyone drinks too much. I guess that's how they choose to get through things. Me, not so much. I hate being around people who drink a lot. All this forced gaiety that doesn't mean anything when it's alcohol induced. I M O.

I know not going is a cop-out on my part. But I get depressed before the get-together, am usually quiet during and depressed for three weeks after. Is it really worth it? Not to mention Easter which we stopped celebrating as a family long ago. This event just happens to coincide.

I know how hard it is to break family ruts, especially when your family is small and the others look to you to hold up your end. If you had a magic wand what would you rather do Sandy? See if you can bring even a little bit of that to your day... if you can't drive 45 minutes to a restaurant maybe you can go to a local coffee shop before dinner, or have a picnic, or invite some friends?

SandyKO i say, just do what you want. You don’t have to spend every holiday with them. Plan what you want and invite them. If they go, great. If not, no sweat off your back

I understand your situation. I feel I’m being sucked in to a lifestyle I don’t want either. Right now I am stewing over Easter. First of all, we are not religious, we don’t go to church. My kids don’t know what Easter really is about, they just know they get an Easter basket. My husband’s sister decided that SHE wants us all to go to brunch at 10am in her & BILs city which is a 40 minute drive for us, without traffic. Then we go back to her house for an Easter egg hunt and swimming for the kids. Then a 40 minute drive home. I have no desire to do any of that. I would prefer to stay home and cook my own Easter meal. We went out there for Thanksgiving and Christmas Day. I don’t get the big freaking deal over why we have to spend every holiday together. Sorry not sorry about that at all. What is so special about spending Easter together? If it is so important to be together then why the hell do we all live our separate lives UNTIL a holiday comes around? We have seen my SIL & her kids once this year. We have not seen my BIL since Christmas. Nobody makes an effort to spend time together. My BIL only comes around when he wants something.

Then there is the issue of my own family! My parents are 70 and live 330 miles away. For years, they have always come down here to see us. But they are older now and have health and mobility problems. My husband doesn’t ever take them in to consideration. He committed to thanksgiving at his brothers house and didn’t discuss it with me. I had been considering taking the kids up to my parents house if they weren’t going to come down here. He did the same thing Christmas Day, committed to plans with his sister without talking to me. Yesterday he did the same thing for Easter. It makes me so mad. I just wish he would discuss things with me first. I don’t think he will be able to go to his sisters for Easter, he just had back surgery and I don’t think he will be able to sit for hours. He would be in the car for 40+ minutes, sitting in a restaurant for however long that takes. I anticipate a long wait for a table for a large group too considering it’s sunday morning and in a town where most places are not open on Sunday. Then sitting at his sisters and then back in the car. I’ve been a solo parent for 11 days now and I am TIRED. I will have to be the one packing the kids swim stuff and watching them in the pool and then bathing them when we get home. I’ve spent the last 11 days playing chauffeur, my daughter plays softball and has practices and games 5 days a week so we’ve been all over the county and I AM TIRED!

I feel like I am forced to spend holidays doing things I don’t want to do and have no say in, because my in-laws decide what they want to do and then tell us and my husband commits to it.

And as far as a damn Easter egg hunt, my kids have kind of outgrown that any way but I am sure if I put up a fuss about not wanting to go, my husband will throw that in my face and try to guilt trip me in to going.

My sister and I are 67 and 69 respectively. Mom is 87. My daughter lives in California; my nephew 2 hours away.

I am TIRED of spending holidays in the same predictable way: we eat, and then each goes her own way. My mom and sister typically take a nap with their TVs on, so I end up going home. Yippee! 😐

I would like things to be a bit different.

Making options difficult is a sister who has mobility issues related to a leg that has damaged veins: she suffers quite a bit of edema with resultant pain and a great deal of discomfort. So, I understand her hesitations about driving 45 minutes to a restaurant, etc.

i just feel luke I’m getting sucked into a lifestyle with deciding priorities I don’t want

What suggestions do any of you have?

It's rainy and I've been sitting in front of the computer all day. The only remotely appealing activities available would be driving to the grocery store or the coffee shop or putting something together for supper, all of which involve food I don't need.
sigh

Happy filing my American friends, we have until the end of the month. There is absolutely no way I could do a paper return any more, everything is just too complicated and I like how the tax software does all the calculations and automatically fills the extra forms if needed. This year there is even a neat feature that you can import all the information on your tax slips directly from Revenue Canada if you've signed up for that (I haven't). And there is free software available too.

I use ink too. Just cannot understand the form 1040, why is it 2 pages, filling only 1/2 page ? So strange!

Stood in line at the post office and paid $15 to send taxes certified return receipt
I still do mine in ink just as a little gift to the government
unfortunately the IRS will be sending me a gift back
I owe a penalty due to changes in the tax code but the IRS will calculate and Bill me - oh joy

Send - Disneyland is supposed to be the happiest place on earth. Not. The most stressful amusement park is more fitting. Not only that, you have to pay through your nose for the admission.

After waiting in line 2 hours just to get to get into Disneyland, and 4 more hours for the ride, Pirates of the Carribean!

That is some kinda stress.

Stress is worse than walking the plank in the morning after pirates have taken over the ship.

Sorry Send- four days late on the raspberry pie, I am a little behind. Honestly, I have never made a raspberry pie, But I can.

I would make you one Gershun.

You all make me so glad I did my taxes months ago. I definitely couldn't handle that added stress right now. :)

File IRS form 4868 to file an extension.

I’m an accountant - my busy season. Don’t know why but I don’t seem to have as many last minute filers. No idea why, but it’s a pleasant surprise. I have a list of all my clients whose taxes I did last year and a few are missing, but most I can account for; moved out of state, deceased, etc. Everyone seems to be on top of things. Also, not as many people filing for extensions.

Cwillie,
From what I am reading, as long as you did not sign as his tax preparer, you are ok, he filed it himself! YAY!

And by posting this today, you have motivated me to research my taxes! Thanks CWillie! And, I remembered to look up the tax schedule, we will not owe any taxes. Another big Yay! Going to library to download the form 1040, and EIC info.

PEOPLE!
THERE ARE ONLY 7 DAYS LEFT (USA) TO FILE YOUR TAXES BY APRIL 15, 2019.

Technically those people who netfile are supposed to have done their own taxes, so IMO it's all on him as I was never involved (LOL). He and his GF should have claimed as common law spouses, and although he gave me rent receipts I'm not sure whether or not she already claimed any part of that. This is the last time I'm doing this for him, he either does it himself or hires somebody next year (yeah, I said that last year too).

CWillie,
Was researching online what your obligations might be as a tax preparer, and I could not find out. If nephew did not give you the correct information, maybe he won't get a refund. Maybe it is totally on him.