Hey folks, welcome to the new whine/general topic thread. Feel free to use this thread to discuss anything that is on your mind. Caregiving- related stuff, life after a loved one's death, your own emotional wellbeing. Whatever..........anything on your mind.
After I broke up with ex I redid most of the house. I was quite pleased with it. Then the young adult kids started coming back home so that was the end of that. It never really recovered to where it had been for a short while. Maybe I can get this place to where I want it before I step on a banana peel.😉
cw - that's tough. Within 5-10 years something will likely happen to upset the precarious balance they have. Are there kids who would intervene?
R keeps stuff - you name it, he has it. But he is not good at organizing though he generally remembers where things are. So I am on an organizing kick for his bathroom - shelves and baskets, and storage units and next effort is for the "den" which is multifunctional - office for me, crafts for him, some tools, pantry, filing cabinet and so on. There are lots of units which will work well along the walls and set us up better. It's kinda fun!
Re keeping things, I just read that the Canadian govt requires us to keep forever birth and death certificates, marriage and divorces certificates, wills and a couple of others. Apparently they want you to pass them on to the next generation. I don't get this. Most of these certificates are kept by the government. I never did see mother's will -the lawyer had (has?) it and enacted it. I understand the concern for identity theft, so shred them, don't keep them. Tax stuff can go after 7 years. Like what's the point?
I have LOVED downsizing.
All the jewelry that is family has already decades ago been given to daughter.
Photo albums, a lifetime of them torn down, duplicates and similars eliminated, others, boxe in small plastic boxes, one album made of my childhood, and etc. Down from just shelves and shelves to one small wicker trunk for my poetry, my pictures and old family pictures, anything like that.
And admonition on it "Look at it once and throw 99 44/100th out."
I have eliminated collections for profit when children don't want it--the McCoy likely the best investment I ever made.
Of my brothers "thing" I kept the first little carved dog my parents gave him for his Dog Collection; he kept it all his life; I will keep it for mine.
I am down to my Arkansas Roadside Tourist Pottery collection now, and guess what--Darling daughter just visited and took 1/2 of it with her on their first retired road trip between Washington State and their Condo in AZ and I get to see the stuff looking right at home now in AZ. I have stared at it long enough. It is mine in my head until I go. I don't need a s-load of it to hold me underground when I go. (actually being cremated).
When my parents died I wrapped all their albums and sent to my home from Missouri to Calfornia. The postal service did me the favor of losing the entire carton. My partner says "you would have looked at them once and no one else would ever care again. " He's right. The one album I DO wish I had is the one my mom made for my dad of all his old girlfriends. Wow, roaring twenties. The clothes! The cars!
I am good with letting it go. Even the beloved little glass cabin we built for ourselves in the country and maintained after retirement for 15 years. I am good with letting it go because it all is alive and well and I can close my eyes and walk those woods and hedgerows any old time I want.
I used to buy and collect books. Now it's the library and the few shelves I can't let go and someone else must give away (getting close tho).
I think I would love your FB group, Golden!!!
But lord forbid I get yapping anywhere other than where I AM yapping, all too late in the morning, right here!
What fun you have that group.
On a different topic, I belong to a facebook group of women over 80 and recently a member asked about people's experiences downsizing and moving to a smaller place such as a seniors community. They, aged 85 and 90, didn't know how they could manage without their 4 cats, one bird, many many books and plants and a large garden. They do hire help for housecleaning and gardening. so they can stay in their home. Good luck to them. This query arose because their son was urging them the move to a smaller and more senior suited place. To me, if you can hire enough care, staying in your home is reasonable. But it does beg the question of who will dispose of it all when you are gone.
Note- this is no reflection on anyone here or a parent of anyone here who has chosen to stay in their home. It certainly in one of the options. I think of Elizabeth here and her husband. They have reasoned it through and are able to stay in their home and it is working for them.
There were many answers and the majority from people who had already downsized, most of whom were happy in their new arrangements. There are even senior communities where you can have a garden plot to work on. This group realised that they needed more support and that, as they aged, illness/bone breaks etc can happen and change life and capabilities very quickly, A few didn't like it and moved back to more independent living.
And then there were the stubborn minority. "I've lived here over 50 years and I'll only leave feet first," Of them, most felt they couldn't live without their books, plants, pets, garden, independence and so on. This is their life and they are going to live it the way they want to was the attitude.
Sound familiar?
Interestingly, there was very little talk from anyone about children (other than a few sons urging parents to downsize), and what their adult kids would have to deal with when their senior parent became incapacitated.
For the most part they are an upbeat group, though there are posts about depression, family problems and other illnesses. It's going to be interesting to see how people cope as. inevitably, they decline. It will be especially interesting to see what happens to those who are adamant about keeping everything and staying in their large homes.
I find disposing of them helpful in moving forward .
I can't imagine how much you are dealing with but, you got this! Keep taking care of the things you can and stay strong in what sounds like the crisis management you are forced into with no control. Mind spinning stuff that is.
May The Lord give you strength, wisdom and more strength to deal with the things you must and may HE give you the peace and courage to step out of it, if at all possible, even in small ways.
Great big warm hug! Go get a little sun and fresh air today, it helps.
I was making light of the diary thing because I myself often do reach out when things are bad for me, making it perhaps seem that they are worst than my daily life is. I know. I am currently healing a radiation burn at my left armpit that no matter what I do wants to break down just every time I move; I fear I will have frozen shoulder before I am done, and every time I think it is beat, boom--there it goes again. (though overall smaller and improving each bout). And playing into it is the fact that's the latest mastectomy side where I am SUPPOSED to do all these exercises to keep thing loose and keep them from cording. I can get myself feeling low and hate that I can't do my normal "chores", can't help the old man take the garbage bins down the stairs, etc.
There are times we think we are coming up for air and we just submerge again.
I hope things will get better for you, Venting.
@ all others, we cannot conceivably all agree with one another. We don't have to. And I think the value in our opinions is often that they DIFFER. Differing opinions give our OPs a continuum on the scale, a comfortable place "to be" wherever they have landed at the moment.
Some of us are always kind, level, stable, without a bad word for anyone else: NeedsHelp I still miss; Barb is always as stable as she can be. Some of us are more rough around the edges, more blunt. And I think our OPs benefit from the mix because if someone levels an unpleasant truth there is always another to just listen, grasp a hand in friendship. I think the mix works. People DO come back and say we helped.
I truly hope we won't lose our regulars, so long here, so helpful to so many people over time, because of anger and hurt.
My mom's slipping mentally and physically, I have no control, I'm doing my best to keep my worries down.
Isthisrealllyreal, I'm glad your back!! I hope you stay!! I hear you, and agree with it all!! 👏🫂
by the way:
BREAKING NEWS!
you’re super cute!
🥰🌸🥰
Alva, no I don’t write here in order to keep a diary. You can’t guess what I’m going through. An unbelievably hard time. Sometimes I post about it, and even the slightest positive words from people here, have helped me a lot. We all need help, encouragement, sometimes. What is going on, is out of my control. But the friendly words from some people here, have always lifted me back up.
I am praying that you beat the C straight back to hell.
You take care and keep that feisty attitude.
Comments get taken down or edited all the time on this forum as everyone well knows. Suspensions happen too. I'm going to go ahead and say it though. Isthisrealyreal goes too far. She really does. If she doesn't like or agree with something she doesn't try to refute it in a civilized adult manner. She doesn't use plain speech to make a point (which can sometimes seem a bit rough). No, she goes after the person personally, attacks all of their previous posts and resorts to petty insults. I would not be surprised if AgingCare removed her profile permanently. She goes too far.
I always keep my message box cleaned out; that is to say if I get a private message I read, answer and delete. So my message box is always empty.
Today, ever single message I ever exchanged with RealyReal since before 2019 through of late popped right back into my profile inbox. And I had to delete them one at a time again.
Anyone else having messages reappear after elimination?
Like a wife, that has never even considered cheating, can trust a husband, that is a complete cheater.
Venting, it is good to see you back, but you come to us when you are hurting from the load of it all. I hope we are like your diary, those books we used to only write in when times were tough, then left to our kids so they could envision a life on "only tough" times. I once reread a mess of old diaries, then spent hours before the fireplace burning them up. I thought "I truly am NOT this unhappy a person; why would I leave this to my progeny". So no fun misery for them to look back on now I near the exit door.
Sorry, all to wordy. Now we know why it is best I limit myself to being up in questions for the most part. Because I put few other limits on myself!!!!! All take care.
Off. I always though that RR (realyreal) lived in AZ. and I have NO idea why. So she lives in LA area? Who knew. I guess I just thought "desert" because I have seen her discuss beautiful weather, cactus blooms, and I created my own AZ. myth.
As TO RR. I admit first of all to a sort of odd fondness in what started for us as a love-hate-love-hate relationship. I think as one of our long time regulars she gives solid advice. She's outspoken. Many of us are. I think I am. Burnt is. I don't accept she's gone and I suspect she is on an anonymous because someone got offended by some THING I missed, and the admins hit the block button. I think when we are REALLY gone then we don't show as anonymous or as anything at all, and back in the day when a bunch of people were shown the door EVERYTHING they ever said went with them. So I believe she's coming back to us; wouldn't have it any other way. Who will I argue with, otherwise? And who will still be so kind as to steer me to the Emus? And their oil.
Now on to the Forum itself.
Listen, our questions today--and cwillie, I am not the ONLY one with this conspiracy theory--are odd. VERY. Either it's full moon or we are A.I. invaded, or or or or. Some of the questions repeat "and amp" as in "&" over and over. Our keyboards don't do that. Some other stuff out there DOES. And the questions are too outlandish, some of them, to be real. Sorry. We have hovered before at the edge of the universe, but some today have tipped over? Am I wrong.
Like my area is cannabis capital of NY, it grows like weeds here. 😂. But I've had to learn to not talk about it because, other areas are like 😲
🌈🍀⭐️🌸🥰
According to the internet there is this about dipnech cancer:
"DIPNECH has an indolent course and only rarely leads to respiratory failure or death; progression to overt neuroendocrine tumor (carcinoid) of the lung occurs in a minority of patients. Of available therapies, somatostatin analogs and mechanistic target of rapamycin inhibitors are the most promising."
I am quite fascinated, as I am an old retired RN, a cancer survivor (so far!) times two, and never heard of this cancer. From the little I can find your MD is correct, but I certainly would be the last to know anything much about this cancer. I wish I had more for you.
Admins: I am also hoping this post from Deb can move up to questions, somehow. Self-reporting.
I have lost all motivation and limited to reading and watching tv.Visits with friends and relatives limited,because I feel nauseous all the time. What can I do to regain momentum? i don’t know what is causing my lack of motivation and my fatigue. Hypothyroidism,
medications and see endocrinologist every six months. Clinical depression,now on meds I think are making me nauseous. Is this just part of aging? I’m 70,but before surgery felt like I was 50. My husband is 75.
way too long a post, but can anyone help? Does dipnec do this to body? Nobody,including my doctors know how to treat it. Thoracic surgeon diagnosed it and called in oncologist…who tells me not to worry about it.