Hey folks, welcome to the new whine/general topic thread. Feel free to use this thread to discuss anything that is on your mind. Caregiving- related stuff, life after a loved one's death, your own emotional wellbeing. Whatever..........anything on your mind.
Perhaps your friend should bring the food to these two people if she’s nervous about the logistics , and possible falls while out.
Most places will make carry out orders.
Most people don’t understand , that’s why other family members ( not involved ) clash with those who are involved .
I told her this and I told her she was always acting like she was better than me because she took great care of her dad after he moved in with her. I told her, you took care of him for 6 months, not 5 years. Huge difference! She said but he lived with me!! I said that does NOT make it better!! Did you have to endlessly worry about your dad , falling down the stairs! NO, because you where there. I also told her last week, mom would have fallen on her back, on cement, if I wasn't there to catch her, now that's in my head endlessly. So no what you did was not any harder than what I did, and should NOT be compared!!
Only people who had mentally ill mothers like ours who made us responsible for their lack of happiness as well as their failures as parents would understand . We did not have normal childhoods , and it is a lifelong work to gain a normal life even without having to be responsible for the same abuser in their elderly years .
I envied those families who could take a parent home for the holiday or out to a restaurant as my mother complained because I did not take her out . Had I taken her out she would have refused to go back . Mom would see the other residents come and go with family.
I envied those families who visited a parent who got a hello and a kiss .
I instead would get ambushed and leave crying . The facility Director recommended I visit less. The activities director witnessed my mother’s behavior towards me and told my mother “ If you were my mother I would not visit you until you treated me nice “.
I was not living my life normally while my mother was in a facility either . I withdrew from family and friends , my days consumed with waiting for the next fire that Mom set . Waiting for her to be kicked out and hoping that she qualified for SNF or died before getting kicked out of AL .
After Mom’s death , followed anger , deep depression and finally relief . “ Having felt safer “ since Mom is gone.
We aren’t all living it up just because a parent is in a facility . I frankly do not care if you call what I did caregiving or just individual survival .
As Daisy says "Pain is pain."
As Way says "Everyone’s experience is different."
Some of us with mentally aberrant parents have been doing a form of caregiving most of our lives, having much more responsibility for others' wellbeing than is healthy for a child or young adult. I, for one, felt only relief on my mother's passing and have felt safer in this life since. The grief of the lack of normal mothering was felt over the years.
Of course, it's not the same a diaper changing or spoon feeding, but, like Way, I would have preferred that.
I agree that comparison's in this case are not helpful. Walk a mile in my shoes...
The worrying about accusations , schemes , lies, behaviors of an abusive , uncooperative parent with dementia ( who refused meds ), trying to get herself kicked out of a facility was a daily major stressor . Waiting for the next time the facility called , or my mother called with abusive threats , or when the police would call me again because Mom called 911 with accusations, or Mom had called Ombudsman again because the number was on a poster in the hallway right outside her room .
I would have preferred to change depends and spoon feed a cooperative parent. Mother refused hands on care .
My father with cancer was infinitely easier to take care of than my mother with dementia .
I was not doing hands on caregiving for Mom , but I was living a 24/7 nightmare .
I don’t think it serves any purpose to compare different situations.
Came home and ran down a meal for a neighbor/friend, that had a foot operation.
Now it's my time 😀
I have another friend, she is 81, she is like a mountain goat. Man she can climb, but when we take walks I can do the distance better but she can do the hills with ease. Hoping to take a walk with her today, if the weather is ok. She knows every tree, every plant, tells me everything she knows. I've been a bit hesitant at times about this friendship, I realized why, not sure if others have heard this, but I always heard snide remarks about younger people befriending older people, because they want to see if they can get in the Will, so since I was friends with her daughter first, I always worry about someone thinking that. Kinda sad, that was pretty much engrained into me by others, but I enjoy are friendship and it helps me not mind growing older. She is my vegetable supplier, I give her somethings I make and she keeps us in gardening veges
Yeah, the lady arrested is related to someone I know, investigation is pending, before more info comes out.
I took mom to her hairdresser this morning. Moms 89, she is 84, they grew up together. Anyways she is the funniest women I've ever meet. When mom has her head under the dryer , 🤣 me and her chat up a storm, and talk like truck drivers. So she was telling me this funny darn story, I stopped her in the middle of it , and asked her when her bday was. Low and behold it's 3 days after mine, that's why we got it off so well, and after I leave, I say man I hope I'm like her when I grow up! Good times!! 😁
Had a great time at the concert last night and additional "fun" finding our way from the parkade to the theatre and we were not alone. The parkade had very little signage. There were very few directions to anywhere. Picture a bunch of mainly seniors walking up and down a concrete staircase, milling about seeking direction to the pedway. I asked and no one knew. Finally we emerged on the street very close to the theatre. A sprightly white haired man had attached himself to us and remarked that is we walked much more we would be in Fort McMurray. R commented that we were FROM Fort McMurray! lol Once inside the theatre it was easy and we had good seats.
At intermission we stood up to stretch our legs and I said something to R about the pedway. A young woman in front of us apologised for butting into the conversation and said she and her husband had gotten lost and then another young woman joined the conversation to the same effect. It was not just us.
Looking around I saw more white/grey heads than any other colour. Some seniors came with their canes and tripod walking sticks and a few shuffled very slowly. The parking/theatre connection was not particularly senior friendly - one small elevator and the others didn't work, lots of stairs and no directions or numbering of the parking rows. We took the stairs and I may wear flats next time. However we found the car and joined a very orderly (despite the lack of arrows and exit signs) queue to get out
The performance was great and the audience interactive. The intro to the "Sound of Silence" was other worldly beautiful, and the piano and vocals for "Bridge Over Troubled Waters" were powerful. It all was very relaxed and I am so glad we went. Paul Simon is such an amazing song writer.
I canvassed my neighbours and found the ones who ordered the sign so I turned it over to them and it now adorns their front lawn. It wasn't as satisfying as tossing it in a ditch but... it was the right thing to do 🤷♀️
Ah, hereditary makes sense. Not to worry then.
The ldl is a little high but because of this odd hereditary hdl I don't need statins. The doctor even had to look it up because it's so unusual.
Moms the same way
"Your cholesterol levels show how much cholesterol is circulating in your blood. Your HDL (“good” cholesterol) is the one number you want to be high (ideally above 60). Your LDL (“bad” cholesterol) should be below 100. Your total should be below 200."
Source: https://my.clevelandclinic.org/health/articles/11920-cholesterol-numbers-what-do-they-mean
Yeah, usually that is when steroids are needed either short term in decent dosages or long terms. They are used for many conditions. About 2 years ago Putin showed up with moonface, very rounded. Seems gone now. I would suspect he was on steroids for some condition. That's the most common drug to cause this.