General topics.

Of course, I would never......

Make that trek to your favorite church, sit in the front so it will be necessarily uncomfortable to run out in tears. Then, if the tears do come....run out anyway?

Gershun, might I suggest that you make plans, maybe to redecorate a room in your place, and spend some of your inheritance (just as your Mom would have wanted you to), and do something really frivolous, something really great and fun and colorful, to help to cheer you up! You could think of it like gift from your Mom, and you can think of her every time you walk into this room. Or plan a trip, go away with your hubby or a friend, somewhere you really always wanted to go.

This is what I did, I went to England and Wales, with my 3 sisters, about 6 months after our Mom passed away, spending a good chunk of my little inheritance, and on something our parents would have truly loved for us to do, all together, sisters. It was wonderful and cathartic, to see their homeland, and put together in my mind, all the many places they spoke of, throughout their lives.

Try to come up with some way, to do something really neat, to lift your spirits, and honor your Mom.

Gershun: Please feel free to sound like a broken record. That's what we and this thread are here for. Don't be afraid you'll bore us or tick us off because, just in case you haven't noticed, we ALL have more or less the same problem. Keep posting, sweetie.

Send you have never been anything but a great friend with awesome support. Your dear little spirit shines through with everything you say and do, don't ever, ever forget that.

As for me, .............I don't really know what to say. I think my spirit has been broken. The reason I don't post about it more on here is simply I don't want to sound like a broken record. I know I need to do something to shake myself out of this moroseness that has overtaken me. People on AC help but there is nothing that hasn't already been said.

Don't worry about me Send. You are such a dear, dear person. Just keep being you. I'll be fine.

If I were to get up, wash my face, then go back to bed-it's after midnight, I know that I would feel better.

Gershun,
If what you are experiencing is depression, picking an arbitrary date or time to just snap out of it is not a plan. From what I have read and understand, one cannot "just snap out of it". Even though the feelings may resolve on their own, and it is a good thing to have hope that your feelings will get better, you actually need to DO something. Even going to see your regular doctor may help when they say there is nothing whatever wrong with you.

Or, trying a little medication may help, if combined with talk therapy.

I apologize for posting this here instead of a private message, but it is time, imo, to love you as a community, (not that we don't love you), come alongside of you, pick you up, dust you off, and stop ignoring that you have been through a real tough several years, and loving your Mom, being her friend just may have made it hard in a different way than others, but still very difficult and normal for you to not feel much better yet. I know others feel similar as you have expressed in the past. I know that I love and appreciate you, as a person, and not just because you care about others.
Like your neighbor.

I can suggest you start a journal of your days, because that can help gradually, over time, and it may be something a therapist will ask you to do.
I guess we are all doing that by posting on here anyway, so maybe just posting here more often may help. What do you think?

Also, I believe some of us are resistant to getting help or performing helpful techniques that would help because we just don't feel like it, because can't see it yet. Maybe you have tried some things already?

I want others to chime in here too, there are so many other people with expert advice. I feel like I am missing the mark, failing you as a friend.
Maybe you can say what it is that would help you....or others can let you know that your feelings matter too. {{{{Hugs for Gershun}}}}.
Thinking of you.
Love from Send

That last distribution was the last tie with your mom - so your spirit has kept a little of her alive but now it is all memories which I hope you will look back & enjoy eventually-

The days are getting longer but lack of sun in our latitude means you could also have S.A.D.[ Seasonal Affected Disorder] brought on by the stress - there are special lamps to help with it - try C. T. as they usually have them - this is not something to ignore

A good friend's husband gets it every year so they need to pre-plan their winters so he can get some rays - he was born in Kenya but stress can bring it on too - hope you can get some help

I just checked the spy cam I set up a year ago when I had caregivers in the house with mom

I haven't used hardly at all since her move to memory care so I was happy to see it still working

The room it's in is dark now except for a small lamp on a timer but as I was observing I heard female voices -
I hope it's the neighbor outside and not poltergeist !!

bag1115 ~ I see you're brand new on this site? You should start a question thread for your personal situation, or you can start posting on one of the Caregiver Support Threads, but I think you would be best served to start your own "Ask A Question." Put the details in there, and allow other caregivers on the forum to give you input that way.  

Up in the top of the screen is a blue bar that goes across the top.  "AgingCare.com" is on the left side of the screen, and over to right side of screen is "Ask A Question."  Click that and fill out the information.  

Katie, It is odd. Days and days go by and there is not a peep from next door. Sometimes I've wondered if anyone even lives there. Then suddenly, yelling and screaming, what sounds like furniture being bashed around. Then nothing for days. I've tried to see if there is a pattern but really there isn't. It's all very odd.

As for me, I hate to say it cause I try to be strong and give good advice on this forum but honestly I think I've fallen into a depressive state. All I want to do is sleep and since Hubs has been away, thats all I've been doing. Sleeping and coming up for air to eat something occasionally. I don't know why but about three weeks ago when I met with siblings to distribute inheritance left by Mom (one and a half years after her death) I've gone into a depressive state. Worst one I've been in for years. I think cause Hubs is away and I have no one I really have to be on for, it's just been easy to just wallow in it. Maybe I need this. I don't know, but he comes back in four weeks. Hopefully I can snap out of it before then.

Gershun,Hope the neighbor situation works out. I heard awful shrieking and howling coming from a neighbor's condo a few years back. A nice elderly couple lived there and I wondered what the heck the man was doing to his wife....I walked closer to the condo and saw him sitting in his den with a movie blasting loudly about ancient Romans and she was calmly sitting out front by her garden reading....I suppose if I had called the police it would have been a case of mistaken abuse and they would have been glad it was just a movie. If something is really bad though it does merit further investigation if someone is truly being hurt.

Thank you Micalost for the hug!
{{{{{Many hugs back to you}}}}}}}

Cwillie, It's okay, just keep posting anywhere! Gershun designed this thread for just that reason. Say anything-maybe even a few pet peeves would be interesting.

So here is my whine.........aaaaaarrrrrrrrgggggg!

Send her off to the son who borrowed the money?
Wait, I guess that answer belongs in the Behaving Badly thread ;)

I feel like I am between a rock and a hard place. It does help me to vent on these forums, knowing that I am not alone. I deal with guilt that is mostly unfounded. I am afraid of the future. I have POA for my MIL. She is currently at the nursing home in rehab and about to be discharged for the second time. I am worried that when her money runs out, Medicaid won't pay because she has a son that borrowed a significant amount of money from her and is unable to pay it back. My husband and I do not have enough funds to care for her at home. She is bedridden and #220. If we brought her home, we would need to hire someone to help care for her. No matter how we look at it, her money will run out in short order. Not sure what to do!?!

tried to give you a hug sendme, but it wouldnt post , so (((HUG)))

I have made the nervous call to the cops for a wellfare check many times. This way there is some notation in the records for the future. the more notations/times the better.
The last time i did it, I never heard any replies to the screams and hitting I heard..... turned out to be a 12yr old girl. She was sent back in because she wouldnt say anything to the cops. Thankfully, because another woman said something also, the girl is no longer living there.

A 20 cm slug is almost 8 ", that is the size of a shoe! eeeeeeeewwwww!

That's quite a story about your gerbils Stacey!And you actually caught and saved Lil Spike,that's amazing!Thanks for sharing that~
I'm SO grateful that I have a new fur family after loosing Mother and all 3 of my babies last year.It has definitely helped my grief I believe.The babies all get along so well too.Our little 9 pound chiweenie,"Precious" and new kitten"Bootsie" have become best buddies and it's so funny to watch them play.But owning pets is expensive and you have to be responsible for them and I am sad that "Bootsie" has gotten pregnant.She's still so young herself and I'm just getting to know her and her ways and while it will be fun to watch her have the kittens,etc. it will be hard financially I'm afraid and then finding homes and that'll be hard because I know that I'll fall in love with every one of them and want to keep them all and I can't.So....Today I have to make a nesting box and get her to the vet to see how far along she is.My husband isn't thrilled about it for sure,but he loves "Bootsie"too thankfully and as soon as this episode is over,we'll get her spayed ASAP.And also "Precious" too ASAP.No more "worms"!!!

We once got a pair of Gerbils so, and one had "worms" too!

I worked as a Medical Assistant to a nice Lady Dr, she and I had kids the same ages.

I had mentioned that my kids were both clamoring for a dog or cat, but they were both allergic. She said, we've got tons of Gerbils, how about we give your kid two of them with cages and all the timings? Awesome!

My kids were thrilled, so We went over and picked them up.

My kids being latch key kids, we're home for about an hour alone, before my husband got home, and the very next day, "5 worms arrived"! Great! Thanks Doc!

The kids called me at work, so excited about having new baby Gerbils, and thinking the Daddy would eat them, but not knowing which was the Moma, just separated the two adult Gerbils.

Unfortunately, it was the Moma was who they they separated the from the babies. I soon got home and sorted it out, and the Dr said it was OK, tht they all stay in the cage together.

The few days later, I recieved another call at work, as my daughter was showing one of the newborn Gerbils to a neighbor girl, and she dropped the baby onto the grass, and it ran off, and she couldn't catch it, Dd was only about 9 at the time. And I worked only 5 minutes from home.

That night as I drove into the driveway (yes, hubby was home), my headlights lit up on this tiny gerbil as it was running accross. I jumped out of my car and was able to grab it, Saving the day!

I couldn't believe it had been about 5 hours that it was out there alone, but thankfully it was a warm summer night, and it had stayed close to home! Lol! Little "Spike" was saved!

We went on to have about 3 more batches of "worms", supplying our local pet store, until the kids got bored with them, and the whole lot was turned over! Fun times!

Gershun, After reading above, I agree with calling the police, because you too need to enjoy your home and not be worried for the neighbor. You can start looking around for a more peaceful home for you and your hubs. That is what wives did, as mentioned in Proverbs 31.

Luckylu, how old is the kitten?   I think they can start reproducing at 5-6 months old.

I remember bringing in a stray cat and a couple weeks later took we to the Vet because she had put on a lot of weight so quickly.   He checked her over and said "you are going to be parents next week".... good grief.   The cat had 3 kittens and they were darlings, but I never wanted to go through finding homes for kittens ever again, so emotional.... so we quickly had her spayed... whew.   She was with us for 16 years, passing at 17.

My new kittens belly keeps getting bigger and bigger.I thought it was worms but my brother said he thinks there are 4 "worms" in her and babies are on the way.My dH is gonna Love this one~

Had a very good visit with Mom and rehab today. My good brother came to visit with his wife and kids. It was good to see them but even better to see Mom smiling and interacting so much. I wish they could come by more often but it is an almost two hour each way trip for them and the kids are St that age where they have sports and such. I really appreciate them for making the trip.

On the other hand, I wish I could be enough for her. I wish I could get the smiles and conversation. I know that she is showtiming for company but knowing and understanding does not make that bitter pill go down any easier.

Retired police officer here. Don't overthink it. Just call the police the next time you hear a ruckus. Police officers are trained to look for signs (some of which you described) of abuse. They will do a welfare check to make sure that she is OK at the moment and if they are good at what they do, they will find a way to give her information to get help if she needs it.

If there is an indication hat she is in trouble, they will offer to help her get out of the home or suggest that he leave for a cooling off period. If there are signs of injury, they (depending on your laws) may make an arrest on the spot.

You are not "getting anyone in trouble". If you are wrong abut what is happening, the police will just check and leave. If there is an assault going on, you didn't get them in trouble, they got themselves in trouble.

Be a good citizen and a good neighbor. Call the police when this is happening. You can make it an anonymous call.

Send yes this has gone on a lot. For the longest time I thought he might just be yelling alone cause I never heard other voices. Thus, the glass against the wall. She speaks very softly. I've caught a few things he has said. Mostly just ranting and raving about this and that. I'm sure he has a mental disorder from what I've heard. Reminds me of life with my schizophrenic brother.

You are right. I would never butt in where I am not welcome and she has never asked for help or voiced any concerns to me. But, most abused women don't from what I know and have experienced myself.

I will continue to watch and listen but if at any time it looks like she is being physically abused I will not hesitate to phone the police.

Gershun,
Your kind heart is showing. I understand your concern and how you feel the need to do something.
Since you saw her that tells you she is okay today.
You may not have enough information to make a complaint except for disturbing the peace. In domestic disputes, even the authorities go in with trepidation because all too often in these dynamics, the victim will turn on
the rescuers.
Has this happened before, or is this new?
If you decide to do anything, don't act alone-get a witness-do it anonymously. If you are ever afraid, call the police to your home.
Or call the fire department if you overflow the sink, or burn something on the stove because you're distracted using the glass to the wall.
In the U.S., people are calling the police if there is just a couple shouting.
I would call if I heard someone screaming for help.
I understand people are more polite in Canada. Has anyone else heard this or been disturbed? Not asking because I don't believe you, but because if others join in, there are safety in numbers.
Or, if you have a landlord, tell them.
Keep a low profile, stay safe.

I have a question...........what would you do? I hear my neighbour screaming at his girlfriend/wife, not sure which. I hear thumping and all sorts of loud sounds coming from their place. I did the old putting a glass to the wall thing, actually works, if you can believe it. For some reason I never see them. They are never coming or going when I am. But today for the first time, I saw her. She hesitated before saying hi to me. Probably embarrassed. I almost said something to her but stopped myself cause who knows, he might have been home listening and might give her sh*t.
She seems nice and sweet and I feel so sorry for her. I don't know if he is violent with her but he sure sounds violent. So............what should I do, if anything. I don't want to get anyone into trouble unnecssarily if you know what I mean.But I hate to hear this all the time and if I can help I would like to.

Jinglebts, The movie I was referring to was "Hidden Figures" about the women mathematicians at NASA in the 1960's. There is another movie out called "Fences". So many new movies out lately I can see their names might get jumbled!

Mary Tyler Moore is my hero. I am also a Type I diabetic. She was such a likable person, in addition to being an icon.

Has anyone noticed how many reality and other celebs families deal with dementia in their families? Leeza Gibbons mother had it before her death. Lisa Rhinna's parents had it. Her father has passed, but, her mom is still living with it.
Also, David Hyde Pierce's grandfather had AD. There are really so many families that have been effected.