General topics.

RBG = Ruth Bader Ginsberg

I was met in the hall at the NH this morning by someone carrying one of mom's tops, it had a stain that she couldn't get out and before she put it in the dryer she wanted to see if I wanted to take it home to try myself. I find it ironic that someone from housekeeping could have noticed that I was in the building and brought something to my attention but the nursing staff seemingly can not, I've been called several times minutes after I am home from being there.

Madge, I watched that too. You and I seem to watch the same shows at the same time a lot. :)

Watched the documentary RBG on CNN tonight

what a fantastic tale

movie is coming out Christmas time

Miss Madge your hurricane kit is under the bed right where you threw it last Nov. Now go and check it out because everything has probably gone moldy!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I wonder if learning how to do the floss dance would help my sciatica?

Degrees of reality was what I encountered at the NH this morning.

I was early so mom was still in the dining room, the woman who had been feeding her told me "she ate real good today, she had her juice and most of her bread pudding and some of this" (as she stirred the almost untouched bowl of gruel) ....
What I saw was a lot of leftover food - she ate the equivalent of 1/2 piece of toast and 1/2 cup of OJ. I'm OK with that, but how can I ever rely on what they are telling me when their perceptions and reporting are so skewed?

Dementia and dysfunction strike everywhere

article on Tim Conway's daughter fighting for custody against his second wife - so sad

I remember mom laughing at his old man routine on the Carol Burnett show

Cwillie
hope mom enjoyed some breakfast with you

perhaps, it's degrees of reality, I always make a face when someone says mom is doing well

I think a lot of people are being cared for by a spouse - the frail caring for the frail. And I wonder if family caregivers who are supporting someone but not cohabiting don't get added in to those statistics - I imagine that almost 100% of the very old need some level of support. I recently happened upon some interesting statistics regarding long term care in my province:

"In the past five years, the long-term care sector has undergone profound change. Before then, long-term care homes accommodated a mix of residents with low to very high care needs. Since 2010 however, only people with high or very high care needs are eligible for long-term care in Ontario. These changes are largely due to the province’s aging-in-place strategy, which has made more funding available for care at home while implementing new, stricter admission criteria for those entering long-term care. The result: Ontario seniors are entering long-term care homes when they are older, frailer, and in need of more medical and personal care than ever before".(https://www.oltca.com/oltca/OLTCA/Public/LongTermCare/FactsFigures.aspx)

The thing is that all this focus on aging in place sounds wonderful but shifts the bulk of care onto the shoulders of family members. As I read the obits I have noticed that many, perhaps even most, elders are now dying at home and I can't help but wonder how their families managed that when I found it impossible.

I found an interesting article online yesterday. It should come up if you google this title "A late-life surprise: Taking care of frail, aging parents." The article discusses how, with extended lifespans, parent care is now falling to adult children who are older and in poorer health than was previously the case. Of course most of us already realized this, but it's interesting to see that the "experts" are starting to wake up to what we've known all along.

On the minus side, the article like many others assures readers that support is available. What they mean by that is mainly support groups like this one, and educational resources. They're not talking about actual help. As much as I love you guys and have found this forum a godsend in some of the worst time, we all know that 24/7 caregivers need a whole lot more than support groups and educational materials.

One of the odd notes - the article mentioned that something like 12 percent of people who have a living parent over 90 are providing caregiving. That seems a very low number to me. I don't think that means that 88% of those elders are self-sufficient, though. It probably means that the other 88% are mostly married men, people in nursing homes, or people with multiple children where another child is doing the work.

I'm curious what others reading this article may think of it.

Mom and I bumped into the doctor in the hall this morning; "She's doing amazing, she is stable!". Last week it was "Mrs W is declining"... I guess I'm not the only one who is confused 🙄

It's typhoon season. We've had several storms pass by. Fortunately, it passes us as a storm, grows into a typhoon by the time it reaches Taiwan, Japan or Philippines. knock on wood... When sis was leaving for vacation 2 weeks ago, Tokyo had a typhoon and her flight was cancelled. The next available flight was 2 days later, via Hawaii. She's suppose to be leaving Friday to come home. This past week, we had a storm. That storm passed us and became a typhoon that hit Japan. Korea also experienced a different typhoon this week. Sis is coming back via Hawaii. I've warned her since Tuesday to check their schedule because we know how typhoons are like. It takes forever to pass by. Lastnight, again, I nagged her to keep an eye out on Hurricane Lane because it looks like it's going to hit very close to Oahu, her airport connection. I even gave her the link to the Huffington post (being the only one that had the most current news on it!) .. I guess my nagging worked. They've rerouted their return via Japan... Now, let's hope that Hurricane Lane doesn 't head to Japan next!!! =)

Once several of us were sitting at lunch in the Santa Anita Turf Club, where a nice salad was served with fresh pimento sitting right there on top.
There were birds, but none flew over.
I was constrained from mentioning what the red pimento reminded me of, because of the white tablecloths, the setting, and all those very rich people!
I was serious, dead serious.
Betcha all thought I could never be serious, huh?

And no, I am not going to say what it reminded me of.

Go see, MsMadge. You can find it.

If not, just drink the tequila, don't try to play it.....

I always wanted to learn to how to play tequila on the saxophone but last year, I took my sax to the music store to sell on consignment - recently I read the music store is going out of business as its lease is up - wonder where my sax went? 🎷

One time I was eating lunch outside, and baby bird learning how to fly landed right in the middle of my Greek chicken and rice

One time I got an ice cream cone and a dog gave over for a sniff. I let him smell my cone and next thing I knew he took the whole top scoop off and ran with it. LOL.

Another time I and a coworker were outside having lunch and a crow swooped down took her hot dog right out of her hand.

Cwillie,
Hope you are feeling more like yourself tonight.
Have you had any special treats as of late?
On his way to work today, dH and I had ice cream at a store.
I have often thought life should be a bit more fair than it is, even though I was always told: "Life is not fair".

My single scoop was much smaller than hubs, lol. So I spoke up. The scooper man fixed it, but now mine was way bigger. Hubs said he should go and ask his to be the same size as mine. Quirky, huh?

Life is just so not fair.

Thanks to all of you who post comments. Didn't know that I needed this blessing. Feels like I'm alone in this journey sometimes. Have started feeling more positive about being my mother's primary caregiver. Again, thank you. Hugs and kisses.

Cwillie,
The best laid plans of mice and men.....

Today has enough trouble of it's own. Do not borrow trouble.

While is is good to have a general plan, we just cannot plan the outcome of our lives in advance, i.e. the rest of your life. Que sera, sera, my mother would sing.

This will be the summer of your discontent, going down in history as a difficult time.

So sorry, cliche's are all I got. Because, wth am I gonna do with the rest of my life?
So many are asking this question lately, so you are not alone in that.

Try taking one day at a time, while you dream of better things.

CWillie, first I want to ask, is your mom okay?

What types of things make you happy? Do you like nature, music, movies, a particular hobby? Is there anything you've always wanted to try that you didn't have time to? Try out some different things for fun. Some you may hate, but some you may end up loving.

Most of my adult life I've been a caregiver; first my sister's kids, then my brother's kids and bro himself when he got sick, then I moved home to care for my mom. Now that it's just me I don't know how to fill my days, wtf am I supposed to do for the rest of my life?

Just watched a DVD I picked up awhile ago - Leisure Seeker -
Donald Sutherland and Helen Mirren

there were some lines that sounded familiar and it just dawned on me where I've heard them before - I think it was from an interview with Reagan's daughter who was describing her parents' relationship

Send
you did correctly- only time you don't pull over to the right and merely stop where you are is if you can't due to traffic

Lol Send, Yes, that seven-mile-stare of blankness known as my Hub's face. LOL

Yes. That blank look. My mom had it for years. It p*ssed me off, to be perfectly honest.

Drove me CRAZY that my 60-something mother was being “such an old lady” — as I would disgustedly say to myself.

H*ll, I worked with people who were Mom’s age. Snap out of it, already!!

Jeez. Live and learn.

When I cleaned out Mom’s house after she died, I found years’ worth of her expired drivers licenses bundled with a rubber band. (I do the same thing. Didn’t know we shared that tic!)

Anyhoo, Mom developed “that look” somewhere between ages 58 and 62. **shudder**

Hey Gershun....is your dH okay tonight?

You haven't been looking into his eyes again, have you?

I think anyone who doesn't believe we have a soul should look into the open eyes of a deceased person. There is nothing there anymore. That spark that made them a human being is no longer there. I think it's almost the same with elderly people with dementia and alz. There is something missing in their eyes. Almost a blank look if I were to try to describe it.

Not that I'm suggesting you run out and find a dead person to see what I'm talking about. :P

re the Alz look in photographs - I was really shocked to see a f/b photo of my kids father some years ago. It was a professional photo taken probably not long after his Alz dx. He was well dressed, and well groomed looking as good as he could, but it was lights on and nobody home. His eye were blank. Kind of eerie. In contrast with vasc dementia, mother has never had that very blank empty look There still is somebody home, though she is fading. But I have had great eye contact with her in the past year.