General topics.

I think you make a difference, Cwillie and
mom feels better when you're there

granted some can survive without much attention and there are plenty of lonely souls at hoca

I did a late night bed check on the Viking tonight - I gave her some water, we said our prayers and she fell asleep in a cheerful mood dreaming of pancakes for breakfast -
I would have preferred to stay home tonight but I'm glad I went instead

Book, most families are not as involved as I am. I sometimes think that if I wasn't there so much and hadn't been reading on AgingCare and the web about elder care for all these years I could live in blissful ignorance just like all those other families - in the end I'm not sure it makes one iota of difference.

Cwillie, I have no experience when it comes to NH.  But I tell you, from just reading posts like yours and others here on AC, it's not a 'dump' them and NH will take care of them.  I don't think I would make a good advocate for someone who's in it.  I don't do well when it comes to confrontations or bringing up a problem/situation.

MsMadge, you are a 'lucky' person who seems to receive some 'surprise' small cash/check. Do you tend to be an addict? If not, maybe you should give a spin on one of those jackpot machines. =)

Out of the blue, I received a check for $40 in the mail from a consignment shop that I haven't visited in years - don't even remember what I took in to sell, but nice to know they didn't forget

Oh CW.

At this point you may remember that line from Desperate Housewives "if life has taught me anything, it's that blind faith is not my friend."

And how depressing that I've already forgotten the speaker. Teri Hatcher. Thank God! - I was about to book myself in...

And this bit "they couldn't really tell if this was causing the sore through friction or was because of her discomfort"

H'm. Well, let's have a little think about it, shall we? Why would a little old lady all of a sudden take to wriggling forward in her chair, given a) that she hasn't before and b) for her, it takes considerable effort that she'd rather spend on snoozling. Would our money be on discomfort forcing her to move, ya think..? And might that be because nobody's checked on her positioning or that her incredibly expensive bit of kit is being maintained properly..?

I don't know how you haven't hit anyone.

I was only coming on to complain about all dresses being vile and ugly and surely to God some highly paid designer can manage to sew up an entire seam without feeling the need to leave unexpected bits of you hanging out - what's with all the midriff and shoulder gaps? Don't they get cold? Have they no fear of draughts?

Though I did see one I liked a LOT until...

"Oh. No. That's Katherine Hepburn, isn't it?"

'Deed it was. Sadly, I in no way resemble the marvellously stylish Ms Hepburn plus I doubt if the fabulous dress is still on sale. Maybe it should be.

The roho has air filled pockets - it is supposed to be user friendly but I'm not certain how to inflate it properly or whether it has deflated since we bought it - I figure that is what the "experts" at the NH are getting paid for, right? And if they can't handle it they should have the supplier on speed dial. (and at dang near $700 it had better be more durable than less than one year)

Cwillie

It still raises my BP to think back how angry I got when I couldn't get anyone's attention when mom developed a fungal rash during her nh stay with sepsis last year - grr

does the roho have to be inflated ?

I can't imagine anyone checking a cushion at hoca and now that you mention it, I should try to figure out the expected life of mom's which is not air filled but contains mineral oil - I always ask staff not to put her footrests on her chair so as not to puncture it so instead they get thrown on the floor - one is now broken and more than once I've found the padded leg rest twisted backwards with her leg against the metal rod 😡

I hope they are able to treat the sore quickly, and that your mom is getting a protein shake to help the sore heal

I'm reaching the point where the cr*p at the NH doesn't even raise my bp anymore (at least not by much). Yesterday morning I found mom in bed instead of in her chair in the lounge. I asked the RPN (LPN) why and she had no idea. At lunch time I asked a PSW if she had slept through breakfast and they decided to let her rest in bed? She didn't know but thought maybe they were treating a wound on her backside. Hm. I decided that I would wait to see what happened today and surprise! mom is once again in bed. This time I went to the charge nurse - oh yes, there is a very small wound on her tailbone and they are dressing it. No, they wouldn't normally tell me because it is so small. No, nobody had noticed that she has been pushing her butt to the front of the chair and no, they couldn't really tell if this was causing the sore through friction or was because of her discomfort. And No, nobody had thought to check her RoHo cushion.
And if I was not there in the morning checking I STILL wouldn't know anything about it and they STILL wouldn't be checking her chair. Trust us. Yeah.😠

Mom's last home care worker was in her 70's and I worried about her ability to transfer mom without hurting herself. When mom became totally unable to stand they allowed me more help and sent another senior citizen, this one so decrepit looking I called and asked them what they were thinking! I joked with everyone that my mom's PSW's were old enough to need home care themselves, the irony is that the first woman's health has failed and she needed to retire and the second has since passed away.

I stopped in this evening to help put mom to bed

typical evening chaos in the tv room - short staffed again

occassionally, hoca will use an outside agency to cover when they are short- tonight I noticed an older woman sitting in the corner so I assumed she was a new resident - no, she was from the agency

Cwillie
your post made me cry

who can explain any of this

After supper tonight mom said "take me back to the lounge", that's six words strung together in a sentence. The other day she said "I'm glad you're here", and when I asked why she said "because I'm alone". This from a woman who normally won't speak more than one word at a time and mostly just nods yes or no. I don't know whether to be happy or not about this - where has she been hiding all this time, and why is she talking again now?

Ah, but did she have fun Lostinthemix?

Cwillie,
Silly me thought I was doing my mil a "favor" by trying to get her involved in making breakfast biscuits...

She (my mi) just attempted to eat them uncooked.

Activities at my Mom's nursing home usually consisted of a few of the more spry women folding towels. :P

There are several evening activities each week MsMadge, but that is mostly because of the AL on the other half of the building. There are a few people on mom's side who are mentally challenged, living with disability from stroke or with early dementia who might take part in some of the evening entertainment but most of them are tucked into bed pretty early.

Cwillie

they have activities in the evening? Is that because you have more daylight hours?

usually, 6 - 8 pm at hoca, everyone is piled into the tv room until it's their turn to be put to bed - oftentimes, it's chaos with not an inch of room to spare

Our monthly activity calendar lists Making Bread as entertainment yesterday afternoon at 6:30 😕.
I've watched them bake cookies and that involved the activities person setting up in the lounge with an electric hot plate and basically demonstrating making No-Bake Chocolate Oatmeal Cookies while she attempted to engage people in cookie making conversation. I wonder what the bread making involved, reading the ingredients as she dumps them into her bread machine? And at 6:30 they would have only just gotten everyone cleared out of the dining room - I guess they didn't want the option of fresh bread to spoil anyone's dinner?

Hm, I've googled kph to mph and see that my metric conversion was a little off, 85 mph is a very respectable (and to me terrifying) 137 kph, a little lead footed for our freeways here where the average driver seems to cruise around 130.

Ah the energy crisis, speed limits were reduced here too - I can remember my father saying that people wouldn't slow down until gas reached $1 a gallon (lol).

In the UK the speed limit is theoretically 70 m.p.h. on dual carriageways without restrictions. I have been tailgated by policemen when keeping to it - and, what's more, mainly keeping to it precisely *because* there was a police car watching. Apart from trucks fitted with speed-limiters, I think it is almost literally true that *nobody* observes the limit and you can make yourself very unpopular if you do.

But fuel efficiency is greatest at 56 m.p.h. and plummets proportionately over 60, which is why the 70 limit was originally imposed during the 1970s oil crisis - nothing to do with safety. This topic is branded on my consciousness for reasons I won't detail except to say that it formed part of my most catastrophic academic experience ever (I was also a bit drunk, for which the college was entirely to blame - and I'm sorry I ever started this tale...)

I believe, but don't quote me, that it's only in Germany that it is still technically legal to drive as fast as you like, and then only on the Autobahn. I remember they had an internal wrangle about road death prevention a few years back but it came to nothing; and if you think of the average Bavarian's chin wobbling at the thought that his BMW 7 series will have nowhere to play any more it's not such a surprise. Their equivalent of gun control, I suppose.

It's an anomaly among many an EU directive where the general rule, as outlined by Sir Humphrey Appleby, is that: "the Germans will love it, the French will ignore it, and the Italians and Irish will be too chaotic to enforce it. Only the British will resent it."

But anyway I have to go and face it. Off I trail, tail between legs...

The reason we North Americans are so married to our cars is because public transit is exactly like you describe CM, I've always been told you Europeans had a more evolved transit system. (And I thought the speed limits on your highways allowed you to drive like a bat out of hell, 85 seems rather slow)

And thanks MsMadge, I did check the sign in book but nobody had signed in at all that day, since it is just a lined notebook in the vestibule most people ignore it if they see it at all.🙄

CW, if she's now someone else's caregiver could she have been visiting her newer client at the NH? I completely agree about full names - it's at its worst at Christmas, when you're left with a little bundle of merrythought cards and absolutely no idea who you should've sent greetings to and haven't (oh God I fail again...).

Am stuck and fed up. Thought I'd be green and public spirited and take the train to go and see Daughter 1 this weekend. How anybody plans a train journey online if they haven't got all morning to do it beats me, messiest website I've ever seen. Plus the journey takes 6 hours instead of 4, not including getting to and from the stations. And then the kicker is it will cost twice as much as driving my little car (as long as I don't get bored and gallop her along at 85, which is illegal as well as poor fuel economy but sometimes you just can't stand another minute of being stuck behind trucks or aggressed by Midlands Man and you lose the plot rather), plus I won't have the car with me, plus I won't be able to drop in on Son on my way home if that works out...

Groan. Four hour drive and a numb bum at the end of it it is, then... bleah.

Sorry to butt in, but has anybody heard of "twiddlemuffs"? Just got a post from my knitting forum with a free pattern to download. Apparently they've been found helpful in soothing restlessness and agitation in dementia - haven't time to check it out properly today but certainly will before long.

Cwillie
did the guest have to sign a register to enter the facility?

Mom had a visitor today who left me a little note signed with her first name, who was this mystery woman? I guess who it might have been (a former caregiver) but I'm at a loss as to why she would have stopped in to see mom after not hearing from her for several years. Urgh, why don't people sign their full names!

CW, I feel for you. It seems to be a rare thing for medical staff to communicate well about patient care. I experienced the disconnect between hospital staff, and different doctor's offices. I suppose being a squeaky wheel is the best you can do, and I'm glad you're keeping after them.

I'm home sick today. The water fountain of my eyes and nose has stopped flowing after going through boxes of tissues the past couple days and now it's mostly like cement... I guess because of OTC meds drying things up? It's much preferable to the water fountain stuff. I know everyone is glad for an update on my cold symptoms. (Sorry!)

Anyway. I'm commenting to say that I'm watching all kinds of movies and shows and documentaries since I'm mostly in bed these few days, and right now I'm watching this biopic called Big Eyes about the artist Margaret Keane. Fascinating stuff, about how her husband took credit for her art for years. The movie is directed by Tim Burton, and I like the look of his movies. It's fun looking, a colorful feast for the eyes imo.

I will look for the RBG doc.

ETA: The RBG doc was aired on CNN a night or two ago, but is unavailable to stream from any other place (Netflix, Amazon) right now.

Ha, IMO the right hand doesn't know what the left is doing. I delivered a letter there today and in it I said that I feel like their attitude is they know best and I only have visitation rights. I refuse to be fed a pile of c**p and smile and agree it is yummy.

CWillie,
Forgive where my mind went. The NH staff does want to know where you are,
AT ALL TIMES! They call you at home just to make sure you are there, and not
at the NH. Lol.

If this were true, congratulations! You made it! The best advocate for a patient there ever was! They are so nervous about being slackers, they are monitoring your wherabouts.