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Book,
Guess I am going to try the ribs with my gerd. Really, I already have them here, cooked by the store, and it's what's for breakfast now!
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Oh *dear.*

Have a right muddle of (all bad) feelings going on here. Help me untangle them?

Email from exSO. It's more than two years since we went our separate ways; that's not a problem in itself.

But for all sorts of reasons, although I would normally stay on good terms with exes, I wanted this one gone, cleared out and gone. I wish him well; but no we are not friends. We aren't anything. You can't choose to back out of a commitment that you instigated AND pretend that nothing's changed; and I've kept contact with him to the barest possible minimum.

He emailed because his father passed away yesterday. The old man was 95. On the face of it, he was a charming and courteous WW2 veteran who merited the highest level of respect. In professional and private life he was a vain, weak fool and a menace who wrought enormous damage on his family. I would say on his business too, except that he wasn't important enough to be held responsible for some of the scandals that went on in that field of commerce when he was active in it.

His wife, exSO's stepmother, I liked very much. I don't have her address any more, I lost it in the move a couple of years back. She will be in her mid-eighties now. Should be comfortably provided for, and secure in her modern house, I believe she's fit and well. She has two sons of her own. She'll be fine. I'm sure she'll be just as fine without my thoughtful condolences.

I just don't know how to respond to this email.

I am very angry with exSO about the dog. To explain: we got the dog six years ago. I didn't want to get a dog - mother was beginning to need a lot of care, I didn't think it was sensible to add more responsibilities; and so, not that I minded being talked round, getting the dog was exSO's idea.

Then two years ago, when we were splitting up and moving and after mother had died and it wasn't convenient any more, he didn't want the dog. He would, seriously, have returned this ten year old rescue dog to kennels. Frankly, I could have stabbed him. So all in all, I didn't bother to let him know that I had the dog put to sleep two weeks ago.

That's him all over. Think of a plan, talk other people into it, and then go off the idea and back out leaving them with the commitment.

I suppose I'm not sure I don't still want to stab him. Or at least smack him round the head.

"Sorry your father's dead. Btw so's the dog."

The dog's more of a loss to humanity, if I'm really honest about how I feel.

I am not evil, I am sore.

I am sorry that an elderly man who served his country in time of war has passed away.

I don't know what to say to exSO. I don't CARE how he feels. He doesn't deserve to have his feelings cared about.

I am upset and angry.
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CM, step back and treat the condolence message as you would if it was any other past acquaintance, a brief "sorry for your loss" is sufficient. I wouldn't even try to go any farther than that for fear of saying more (or less) than you should.
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That is a good answer, Cwillie.

CM is an example to everyone here.
A social guru!

It is said that the best revenge is living well. If ex-SO was a narcissist, I would push delete on that e-mail and never respond. They use anything to draw you back in.

It is enough that you have suffered the loss of your pet.

If there is a legacy website or a place to add condolences to an obituary, try that, not mentioning his name.
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I'm not sorry for his loss. I know I sound like a spiteful adolescent, but I just don't believe he will be experiencing much sense of loss.

Not a narcissist, no - and I'm absolutely certain he wouldn't want me back! - but shallow. You think of people "oh they just don't show their feelings, they do care underneath." But no. There's nothing there. It's a bit repellant.

I think I will hit Delete, and look out for a newspaper obituary. I can always change my mind, pretend I've been away or something.

(((Thank you!)))
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I'm with you on this one, cm. There must have been something more at some point for the two of you to get together and stay together so long. However, I, like you, am at a age and stage where I do not feel the pressure to conform to societal norms. So, if I don't feel like it, I don't do it - usually. I certainly don't feel obliged to do what is considered correct. Go with your gut in this one.
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Isn't that a relief, golden? When I hit 60, I let the "shoulds" and "have to's" go and pretty much do what I want, within reason.  Even with my mom and my 99 yr old client, I draw the line and get them to compromise; it keeps me alive and well enough to help them, then I go out to play in the RV at the lake with hubby! LOL
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Yes it is great to be emancipated. I figure I, in the fashion of Adam Clayton Powell, paid my dues a long time ago. For the most part, we are reasonable people. If, occasionally, we are unreasonable in someone else's eyes, you can be sure there is decent justification for it.
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It's World Cup in the morning

Sweden v Germany
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About a year ago, Amazon made it difficult to sign out - especially on the laptop. On the iPad, I just hit Account and scroll alllllll the way to the bottom and click 'sign out.' Can't do that on the laptop. I tap it, and once I release my finger/mouse on "account" and try to scroll down, it stops at the bottom of the screen (but not the bottom of the drop list menu.)

We have a high rate of home invasion/burlaries/robberies. I now make it a habit of signing out on everything, even here on AC. So, with Amazon, after I figured that drop menu was useless on the laptop, I found another way. Tap 'Account' and then Tap Login/Security. Change account name. And right on the top right of that pop up box - is the Sign out. .. This is 50/50 hit or miss. For the past few days, it's a miss. It's been taking me straight to the account info and not the 'change acct name'.

Today, I spent 10 minutes trying to click on everything to find a 3rd way to sign out (1. Account drop menu 2. Login/Security) Couldn't. So I googled.
3. Go to the search box on top with "ALL ……………" and type in "Sign out of Amazon".
Tada! click to sign out....
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Book. I also had to google how to log out of Amazon. Its not easy to find and do on a desktop either
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I swear if Google Maps calls me one more time, you will see me running screaming into the night.

Today at work when I got a call, I told the caller I get around 5 calls a day, and that it is to a point where we don't want to use anything related to Google, then hung up.
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You get calls from google maps? I've never heard of people getting calls from google maps before, what do they want? Are you lost? And how did they get your number?


Today I got another email about collecting my "forgotten" tax refund.... too bad it isn't legit because by now the total must be well over $1000.
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cwillie, it's a robo call from Google Maps, or so they claim. I checked the Google Map scam website but that site couldn't give me any concrete info if these calls are really from Google trying to drum up development business or not.

Once I answer and a live person gets on line, if I hear dozens upon dozens of people talking in the background then I know it is what is called a "boiler room" an outbound call center.

Like, enough already !!
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CM I agree with the others responses. I would send a prayer and kind thoughts out to the universe re: your ex F I L. Other than that your ex doesn't deserve to know about the dog or anything else going on in your present life.
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CM,
How are your feelings now, coming up on the full moon this week?

Hoping you have some great yarn to sort......
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Mexico v Sweden in the morning
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WoW
Sweden def Mexico but Mexico still advances with Germany knocked out by Korea
Ole ole ole ole

I'll probably be the only one at the office doing the Viking clap today 
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It's been a very l o n g day today. I couldn't motivate myself to go help mom with her supper but I dropped in at about 6:15 hoping to see how well she ate and spend a few minutes with her. Wow, the place was like a ghost town, no visitors in the parking lot and only 4 or 5 residents in the lounge, mom and one of her 2 roommates were already tucked in bed for the night. Given that I usually am there until 5:50 or 6:00 after supper I'm amazed at their efficiency in putting everyone to bed. WTF.
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cwillie, I had noticed the same thing at my Mom's long-term-care. Right after dinner is all cleaned up, the Staff started to get the residents into their P.J.'s and ready for bed. Then I noticed when the Staff was halfway down the hall, out came a couple of residents roaming the halls in their PJ's. The Staff quickly had to place them back into their rooms.

The Staff hadn't gotten down to my Mom's room, so I just stayed with Mom in the common area. Lo and behold, some more residents were out and about. Then I heard one Nurse say "Lord, give me strength". My gosh, it was like herding cats.
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When I was caring for mom, OMG, bedtime she was up and down and up again for a couple of hours! I cannot imagine trying to get even two with dementia carefully tucked away. It takes many I am sure to try to keep them tucked.
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The night walkers - gets worst on a full moon - some take off their pjs and get dressed again

I got to hoca about midnight tonight to do a quick check on the Viking - she woke on and off and said she was sick but we managed to get through prayers, drink some apple juice and make plans for the 4th of July - wish we could actually run away and do them
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There is one fellow who routinely sleeps through lunch (why they insist he comes to the dining room I'll never know) because he stays up til the small hours watching TV in the lounge. The poor guy had a stroke but is cognitively fine, he shares a room with 3 others so it is probably the only time he gets some alone time!
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FreqFlyer, herding cats? What came to mind for me was 'like herding chickens.' .. Finally remembered in my childhood days of my dad and older brother clucking their tongues to call the chickens to come and eat. I finally tested it yesterday morning. At first, the hen and her chicks didn't know what it was. Since it was an unknown sound, they all started clucking loudly and running in circles haphazardly. I stood still and kept clucking my tongue. Finally, the hen/chicks figured out to follow the sound - as one. They all came over, found the food I threw on the back yard. I'll try it again until they catch on that my clucking sound means 'time to eat!'... One smart teenage chicken connected my opening the screen door means food. When I opened the door every morning, that black chicken comes running so fast, clucking hysterically, looking for the food. Pecking it so fast before that mother hen with her chicks chase it off. =)
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My mom's habit was wandering. She became violent when she couldn't figure out how to leave the house. We used to spend hours searching for her at 8pm, 10pm, etc .. Dad finally double and triple locked all the doors (just those sliding locks.)
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It's not even hot yet and it's too hot to sleep comfortably

I read on yahoo that bud light is giving a free beer to everyone in California if Mexico advances to the next round in World Cup - they play Brazil on Monday

Since neither the US nor Norway even made it to the tournament, I'm routing for the Swedes but don't hold out much hope cause don't ya know
1,000 Swedes ran through the weeds
Chased by
One Norwegian 😱
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Time to change my eye glasses. Can't see far with the glasses, and can't read near while wearing it. Plus, I've been misjudging distances. Today, it hit home.. okay crashed home to me that I really need to change it. I went flying off the stairs thinking I had reached the last step - when I didn't. When sliding along the cement floor like superman with my hands out trying to stop my glide and a crash landing in which I don't recall slamming my face against the cement. Ugh! I work tomorrow and I have a swollen lower face, cement abrasions above and below my mouth, aching teeth (thank you that it didn't fall out!!). Later, I found a scraped right knee that made itself known from throbbing pain. D*rn, I'm going to work tomorrow with a swollen scraped face!!! There goes my ego. .. Oh, what happened to you? .. Would you believe that I fell down the stairs? ...
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Oooo, ouch ouch ouch Book! I worry about falling now that I'm "older" (58, lol), it's so much harder to bounce back that it used to be.
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Book, be careful and heal fast.
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Ouch Book, cement hurts a lot
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