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I'm slowly being pulled into cyber banking. Well, I still get my bank statements/credit card statements mailed to me. But, I do go online to make sure no hanky panky is being done without my knowledge. I'm so resistant to change, I have only used the ATM twice in my whole life. I rather go into the bank with my credit card and withdraw it from the cashier/teller - if I'm desperate.

On another topic, I was reading a cozy mystery. In this book, twice elephant ear (food) was mentioned as being delicious. Elephant ear? So, I googled it. Hmmmm. I don't know. Those snapshots of the elephant ear bread looks more like a pig's snout. Don't you think?
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My mothers bank told her to use a credit card not her debit card for all purchases at stores and online. She used to use her debit card till she had her debit card skimmed ( I think thats whats its called) at a gas station. The credit card is not attached to her bank account.
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We always advise our clients in using their debit cards when traveling. Recently, I found out that my SIL uses her debit card when she travels. She doesn't have a credit card. I told her that it's very dangerous to use her debit card because if someone illegally withdraws from her checking account via the debit card, most banks won't protect her.  They can wipe out her whole checking account and the bank will not reimburse for the illegal transaction. ... Whereas, if it was a credit card, the bank will not make her liable for the illegal purchases, less the bank fee.
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It's was a l o n g day yesterday and today is shaping up to be even longer. I could busy myself with the dozens of little chores and projects around the house I keep putting off but... meh.

I'm having some trust issues with what the NH is telling me, I still think that mom is regressing. When mom eats very little I'm often told "oh, she had a good breakfast/lunch!" so I've taken to popping in at the end of meal time to see what mom is actually eating when I'm not there. Uh, no she didn't.
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bookluvr, I also feel the same way about cyber banking, but times are a changing. Thus, I am starting to use auto-payments for some of my bills.

I, too, rather go inside the bank to get cash or to deposit checks. Ha, my flip phone doesn't take photos of checks to be deposit like you see with ads on TV. If I was 40 years younger, all of this new way of banking would be second nature.

I also get paper delivery of bank statements and credit card statements. Let them spent the cost of paper and ink :)
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cwillie - is she losing weight? I am finding for all the fancy building etc in the NH I an not as confident that I know what is going on with mother. More phone calls needed I guess. However, they did arrange to have thingys installed on mother's hearing aids so they can't get lost as easily on their own which is a huge bonus,

I love having banking stuff online - so much more convenient and reduces my filing!!!
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My experience has been that it is easier for staff to reply with a generic - she's good, she ate well blah blah blah

Staff rarely know if they ate well or at all - they are not present in the dining room

The Viking needs help to eat and hates the hoca puree - she might eat well 1x a day if she's fully awake and she's got something she likes - last night, our housekeeper brought her a baked potato, fruit and banana bread - she ate well
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If I only had a dollar for every time I've been told "they get soooo much food here and with snacks they eat 5 times a day!" Mom doesn't get snacks because they don't provide any pureed snacks, although they do give her thickened juice (usually). And a "big" breakfast of oatmeal, eggs, toast and juice sounds like a lot until you use your head and eyes and realize it is about 1/4 to 1/3 cup of oatmeal, a blob of "bread pudding" equivalent to 1/2 slice of toast and the equivalent of one egg (or slightly less).

They tell me her weight is stable but I haven't heard any numbers, last I heard she was 115lbs (at 5'7"). I can't imagine how skeletal the folks from other forum threads must be who weigh under 90 lbs.
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A non caregiving related whine:
I just got back from voting in our provincial election. This is the worst most stressful decision ever, it's like having to choose between cutting out your brain or cutting out your heart.
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CWillie, my Mom had Dowager's Hump so she was tiny when she went to the Nursing home. I think she weighed in at about 80 when she arrived there and although I don't think they ever reported on her weight after she had been there a while, I'm guessing she was probably about the same when she died. She was given snacks throughout the day but most of the time they just sat there or she would try to hide them.

I hate to admit it but I rarely vote and if I did I think I'd get someone to blindfold me, twirl me around and I'd pin the tail on the closest a**, I mean candidate. :P
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madge I think you are right. I try ti nail down a nurse that responds well and ask her. I see why you bring her food

cwillie - ah there you are. I would ask for numbers. What you describe doesn't sound very appetizing, Ontario realy going through it politically.

gershun -I am with you I rarely vote.. It gives me the right to not complain lol
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I'm tired of it always coming down to me to be the eyes, ears and gofer person, it's not like I am an only child. I guess if I just stayed away from the NH I could live in blissful ignorance as well, what you don't know can't bother you. If I wasn't here would anybody visit mom at all, ever?
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cw - I am with you but it is better being left alone than being criticised. My sis who lives overseas does come and visit - once a year these days - and that is understandable. But I am sick of it too, amd the put downs. She has no idea...
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Ya'll hang in there.
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I've been struggling.. with life in general (constant daily headaches, wake up at 4 or 5am because the microbead pillow is hurting my head, etc..) Even the thought of visiting fave niece is .. not as uplifting. Nor do I seem to be looking forward to it at all.

I had downloaded a book series and I was struggling with reading it. I didn't like most of the characters from the beginning in book 1. Yet, I was determined to read the rest of the series. By book 6 1/2 - I found myself hating the whole book, the author, All the characters. I decided it was time to stop reading this author's books. I wrote on my Book List to never buy her books. After that, I decided to go back to reading my paperback books. I have 2 large plastic containers of unread books. It's weird to go out in public reading a paperback book while everyone is using their smart phones/tablets. One young lady kept staring at me and the book...

Feeling down, I decided to treat myself to lunch at Chili's. I was craving their half rack of ribs and fries, which is on sale from $15 to $10. It was 3pm. The server was way too friendly. She sat across from me to get my order. And while I was reading my book and eating my food, she stopped twice to ask me how I'm doing. Ugh!! Just Leave Me Alone!!! It's soooo obvious that I was into my book (head was leaning forward - action pack with the vamp and new mage fighting the evil vamps...) She made me lose my concentration (on the fighting.) Her friendliness was way toooo friendly, that it was off-putting... I think next time I'm craving half-rack ribs, I will go to Tony Roma's.
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Book, I've been wondering how you are coping with your new normal - you have been caregiving almost your whole adult life so it must be terribly difficult to find your footing and figure out the next part of your life. Sleeping through the night is a problem for a lot of women after menopause - at least you aren't needed to get up and attend to anyone's needs in the morning🤗

When it comes to books, I don't care how many weeks they have been best sellers or how glowing the reviews, if I can't get into it by the 3rd chapter or so I'm done - it's supposed to be entertainment, not torture!
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Cwillie, major stress. It’s as if there’s an invisible sign on my forehead that says, “kick me” while I’m still trying to learn normal. Remember the Bible book of Job? I swear that running theme keeps going through my head. I think I’m becoming like Job’s wife. Mentally cursing everything, lately... I’m currently going through a very major stressor that’s beyond my control.
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Book,
How are your eyes? Too much reading can cause headaches.
Are the Mangoes ripe? Ripe mangoes make an allergy to mangoes worse, causing headaches.
How is your gerd? If you disrespect your limitations with food that causes the gerd to act up, like ribs, that too can turn into headaches.

I understand each and every behavior you are going through is an attempt to alleviate
this stress you are under. I often do some of the same things. Especially not wanting to talk to an extra friendly waitress. She was out of line a bit, don'tcha think?

However, did you miss an opportunity to meet a new person, anything is possible, as I believe God or some believe the universe sends us what we need. The fact that you took notice of her impertinance means something. Or, it may just be we are all grouchy lately, I know I am. Rarely get to post with internet issues.

Will it help to talk about it, hiding out here on the General Topics thread?
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Job's wife said "Curse God and die".
Instead of encouraging Job to keep his faith, endure the trials, she and his friends gave bad advice.

Your normal may not look like anyone else's idea of normal, Book.  That is what makes you special and unique.  I hope you can get comfortable soon, less stress, and encouragement to keep on trying.
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Thanks for starting this thread, Gershun.
At least it accepts my posts.
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I designed it that way Send.......:)

Yes, everyone seems crabby these days. Myself included.

Book, keep reading. I find that's the only escape I get these days is my head in a good book.
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It's finding a good book I'm having trouble with. I've banned myself from buying any, and I'm working my way through the unread ones on the shelves.

There was a Robert Ludlum hardback, must have been my father's. Thought I'd give it a go. Good grief. The kids expressed an interest - "isn't he the one who wrote The Bourne Trilogy?" - and now I would not be at all surprised to have that confirmed. Just like the films: utter bunkum, start to finish, adolescent action fantasy scenes strung together on the feeblest plot imaginable. That's a couple of hours I'll never get back.

So The Matlock Paper went in the charity bin, and I turned to "Guppies For Tea", sounds more promising.

Chapter 1. An elderly wheelchair bound lady is having a fight with a Nurse Ratchet figure in a care facility...

Urrrggghhhhhhhh..!
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I just finished Gary Shteygart's Little Failure. I've loved his novels, but this was autobiographical. Does your library have ebooks you can borrow? I have no more room for any more books in my apartment.
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Send, it's my sinus and migraine headaches. It's still mango season, going on for months now. Or seems like it. Oldest sis is a heavy smoker. When she smokes on the porch, it comes into the livingroom thru the open windows. I seem to wake up with the headaches and she's still outside smoking. 4am!!! I've asked heavy chain smokers if they get up in the middle of the night to smoke. All of them said no. They sleep through the night.

I have no problems with ribs. I'm a very picky eater. My family thinks I'm weird when I eat chicken/meat and take off the skin/fats. I avoid fried food because it makes my stomach queasy. I avoid greasy/oily looking food - same reason. When I attend parties or restaurant buffets, I'm down to very few food that I can eat - NO oily, greasy, sweet, sour (acidic bad for GERD), fried, white cream sauces (dairy), Italian sauces, seafoods, etc... So, that $30.00 buffet meal, I only have white rice (not fried), that dry meat (overheated), and salad. Oh! In a recent hotel restaurant sis treated me to, they had clam salad! It looked gross but I recall loving canned clam as a child. So, I tried it and had my Benadryl ready in case I had an allergic reaction. Yum!!!! Sis heard me humming. She asked me what I was eating. She saw it but … she thought it looked unappetizing. I just try not to look at it too hard because it is kind of icky looking.
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CM, most of my paperbacks are from flea markets (no one sells real books anymore), used bookstore (closed) and online orders for used books with free or $1 shipping. So, most of my unread books are regular mysteries, supernatural mysteries, westerns, regular romance, novels, sci-fi (space), fantasies (magic) and humorous autobiographies. So far, I've finished 2 paperbacks. I'm now reading a book about modern day time with a village filled with witches who pretend to be normal people. It's a so-so book but it's book 8 of a series. Once I'm done with this, I'm going back to the anthology books (books filled with short stories by different authors.) So far, I've only liked 1 author from those books. One! And she was my favorite since years ago.

I have found an ebook that was free and it's Audio book for $1.99. I couldn't get into reading the book. So, I decided to just Listen to the audio book while I was doing my house chores. Wow! I got hooked into the story. When it was done, I tried to go back to reading the book. I just couldn't get into it. I turned on the audio, and I liked it.

Does your library have audio books? Maybe, you can try that option. But I'd try for a lighthearted, humorous story. I find that I laugh more from an audio book than from reading it.
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I joined Audible, Book.

Sigh.

I'm sure it isn't difficult to work out how to use it.

I just haven't been able to face the mandatory swearing at the computer for fifteen minutes before I get the hang of it.
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Since it's Amazon, I use my kindle for the audio. I have my old 2013 kindle just for that purpose. I also ordered a small wireless wi-fi speaker (works on the Kindles and my iPad) since the Kindle volume sucks. Then, while I'm doing the chores (like laundry and then hanging it on the line), I place the kindle in the kitchen, and carry the speaker as I go in/out of the kitchen.

My iPad is a different story. I think I will need to download an Audible app. Never mind. I have the Kindle for that. The iPad's Amazon App is great! Better than the Kindles Library. When I'm searching for a certain book, I use the iPad to quickly find it. It has on the right side of the tablet an "A - Z' tabs! Whereas the Kindle, you have to scroll and scroll from A to finally reaching M.
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Yesterday was the annual family bbq at mom's NH and I'm left with a sense of disquiet, but it seems I am the only one. It's just .... I get that it is really popular because it encourages families to get together, but what about those whose families can't come or who, like my mother, can't really participate? I found it frustrating trying to figure out what was expected of us - mom and I were told to sit outside but the only table unoccupied was in the blazing sun and barely accessible to her wheelchair due to the crowd. And then I was left wondering, how were we getting mom's modified meal? A nurse wandered out and gave mom her supper meds but there was nothing for her to drink. The food was self serve and the line was long. I decided to take mom inside to the dining room, where she was served a pureed hot dog, potato salad, mystery salad and offered ice cream (forbidden on her pureed diet) or apple sauce.... all in all a typical meal. Staff was running around willy nilly trying to accommodate all the extra guests and I was left feeling the most vulnerable residents weren't even an afterthought, their needs weren't considered at all. I was able to take mom back outside to listen to the entertainment, but some couldn't even do that. I saw first hand the disappointment of someone who tearfully said it was the worst day ever (and she wasn't ever coming back lol).

edit - I eventually joined the line up with mom and did manage to get myself a hamburger😕
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It's heart-breaking all round, CW. I don't know who to feel for most.

I mean, who comes up with these bright ideas? I expect they sound great in committee, and look super on the brochures, but when it comes to thinking through the logistics and fitting those in with routine... It's as though people are either on the sunny side up side or the grim reality side, and they so rarely bump into one another.

Then you've got the event organiser who'll have put her little heart and soul into the day and will be running round wanting everyone to have a super time. How do you break it to her?!

The staff are either knackered trying to keep up through the disruption or treating it as basically a day off but at work, and think they don't actually need to be doing the routine chores.

And for the residents... well, it's just never going to live up to the balmy summer days of youth, is it. And speaking as a person who associates picnics and bbq's solely with wasps and bad food, being forced to take my dinner with sunburn and nothing to drink - I'd rather sit in my room and have nothing to eat or drink, thanks.

But everyone so WANTS it to work! The only event like this I can genuinely say I really enjoyed was run by the army. I think that's probably what it takes.
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Cwillie,
Your story was shared by others on here. Is the NH having these events as some kind of a fundraiser or donation event, maybe a promotional for the NH?
You are so kind to be concerned about all those residents! It seems like no one has any common sense any more.
This comes under: "Follow the money" as another motivation.

So glad you were there for your Mom that day. The mind boggles at what would have happened.
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