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I know this should be in discussions but I can't figure out how to post it there.
I had a feeling that something happened to his wife and now we find it was worse than expected. His wife passes and this poor man was alone for a week not knowing what was even happening. Don't even get me started on the poor dog. The disturbing part was that no one checked on this couple. The man had three grown kids. No one ever made a weekly call. No one was concerned about not hearing from them.
My husband calls his 87 year old brother every other day. He lives alone. A few years ago we couldn't get in touch with him for two days so I started calling local hospitals in his area and found he was admitted and his phone had died. It wasn't that hard to do.
I feel like society lately has gotten more and more isolated.

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Totally agree with you on the increasing isolation of society. We’ve moved a number of times since marriage through three states and have seen with each move neighbors become less and less friendly or connected. Our current neighborhood consists of people who barely speak though there’s no animosity, they simply aren’t interested. Gene Hackman’s last days had to be horrific, a weak body and confused, faded mind, and no one to look out for him. Both a failure of his spouse and him to plan and their extended family and community to notice (yes, I realize they lived in a big house on acreage and didn’t have direct neighbors) I spoke to my dad daily his last years, often for just a few minutes, it wasn’t hard or asking too much. It was human kindness. We all should do better to check in on those around us and plan for our own safety and future
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I can't help but think, she is a statistic. 40%+ of caregivers die before the ones they are caring for.

As far as people staying in better touch, we can not possibly know or rightly judge the situation. The friends interviewed said they were very private people, whose to say they can't live that way, even with this end result. Not so bad IMO.

I didn't know anyone that could call my mom daily, she would just ignore the phone or start a fight if she felt checked on, she was not demented in the least, just mean and going to do it her way. Okay, as long as you know the consequences are all yours, I'm good with letting others live and die on their terms.
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You bring up such a good point here regarding checking. Truly you do.
As to Mr. Hackman, for me this remains very mysterious. It is said that up until weeks before his death he typically rode his bike in his quiet neighborhood? He was that well apparently. And now his wife is dead of Hanta Virus (apparently) and has a dog in the bathroom locked in a kennel? And she is in a bathroom deteriorating. And he apparently is so demented he can't call 911 or walk outside the home?

I understand the wife was quite young. 61? So perhaps no one thought that they COULD, should check.

And to be honest, until NOW, I have typically spent the month of July in Washington State with my daughter, leaving hubby and our dog home alone. Yes, we talked daily or every other day on the phone, but had I not got him, how long would it take for me to call in a wellness check. I found out the answer to THAT one on Oct 24th when he had a massive stroke. He had gone to bed earlier than me (typical) to read. Dog always goes with him. I was watching my recorded Survivor program. I could see a dim light on in the bedroom through these opaque old glass doors separating our rooms. Suddenly the foster dog comes crashing through those doors and jumps on my lap. Sometimes N. will pay a "go find Alva" game with her. I thought this was that. But when I said "Are you playing find-A. and he didn't answer, I went in and he was down on the bed, no left side, aphasic for the most part. Got him to stroke center in minutes; huge clot in the MCA MR curve that they showed me. Clot busters given. And in short turned it around by blasting the clot in an hour and a half, before they could even ready him for embolectomy. In all my years as an RN never saw so complete a recovery so fast.

I won't be leaving any more. That's the end of that. They have to come here now--the kids.

But yes, it's important for us to think about, to make a plan about. I always say here a call in the a.m. and a call in the p.m. at some point. Just to check in. And with elders, perhaps a camera to access.
I think the problem here was young wife. Who would have suspected.
You just can't correct for everything.

I hope this gets moved to discussions where it will have a longer life.
Thanks for posting this.
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I had a feeling the wife died first . Poor Man wandering alone for a week with no food in His stomach . I am really surprised she did not have a house keeper or someone to check in On them . The Hantavirus comes from rat droppings or rodent droppings and the exterminators are the one who found them . She Passed on February 11 , 2025 and His Last Pacemaker registered February 18 , 2025. The dog was still in Its Kennel from coming Back from the Vet . I am surprised she did not Know she was sick . The Lungs fill with fluid . Her Mother has dementia and the Housekeeper said " she hadn't called her Mom in 5 months and use to call all the time . " Sad ending . The Lesson is You cant do it all and Have someone check in On you .
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That about hadn't called mom in months.
Yes, clearly, a lot wrong here. Things we can't ever know, I think.
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Actually, I agree. There's worse ways to go. When you go so suddenly that you cannot call out for help? Pretty much a blessing.
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The wife was 63 - 65 .
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Knance, I had told my husband that I thought the wife died 1st and that Mr. Hackman died of old age (95) and comorbidities, possibly from the shock of finding his wife. The news had reported that he was found near an exit with sunglasses, I thought he was going for help and had a heart attack from the shock.

Hanta virus that affects the lungs can be a fast death, that is why it is so dangerous, prompt medical treatment only saves about half those infected. She may have thought she was getting the flu or something and a day later she died.
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I also thought that the wife died first and he was 95 therefore had dementia and wasnt aware of the dire situation. Such a sad disease. I also believe that many don't understand how this can happen because they haven't delta with this disease or in deep denial.

There is also an understanding that the kids, also in there 60, didn't speak often. It has been noted in his interviews he wasn't the most present father due to his career and divorce. There are so many family dynamics one can't judge unless they are involved.

I have asked my father to text me everyday with just a "hey, how are you". Countless time I text to see how he is without response. Very frustrating but he is an adult and his decisions are also directly associated with consequences.

My mother has dementia and I truly believe she wouldn't be able to call for help or even realize my father was in distress. It is something I've discussed and been met with denial that any event similar to Hackmans would occur. I can only SMH.
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I wouldn’t blame the kids or community here. I’ve heard he was quite curmudgeonly (“private”) and I suspect estranged from the kids before the dementia. No one is going to force themselves on a person like this. His much younger wife supported him in this and then a somewhat random thing happened and here come the consequences. They liked to be isolated and alone, and that’s how they died. Sad for the dog, really.
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Perhaps this belongs elsewhere, but it came to mind reading this discussion. There is a free app that provides daily check-ins. You select a time that you check in and if you haven’t they will try to contact you. If you don’t respond, they will contact a person or persons whose information you have provided. Obviously, this won’t work for someone alone with dementia, but could be helpful in a lot of other situations.

A friend told me about it after my husband died and I have to admit I waited awhile because I felt too young for something like this. After thinking about the patients I’ve known who were on the floor for several days, I signed up and it is comforting to know I have some type of backup. I don’t know if it’s against forum rules to name a company, let’s just say I feel snug and safe with the free app. I recommend it to everyone that I think might benefit, don’t know why I didn’t bring it up here before.
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So very sad. Yes we can only speculate as to any levels of estrangement. Her being so much younger, these situations often cause friction with adult children who suspect "gold digging ", people who no contact for all sorts of reasons.

Lots of sadness for them both and especially for Mr. Hackman such an illustrious career and such a sad end.
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I'd love the name of that app. My husband is 18 years older than me and at some point I know I will be living on my own. I don't care if I am still young, I would really want a check in with someone in place every day.

I go to a three day convention every fall and I asked my son if he could pop over to our house just to check on his step father once during my trip. The first 2 or 3 times he did that but then it got to be too much of a bother. I mentioned going to a couple we know and they took it upon themselves to pop over and check which was nice. We do text all during the day and call once or twice a day but I still worry. Anyone at any age can have a freak accident. Imagine how long it will be before anyone misses you.
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lkdrymom, it’s called snug safety. Great reviews, easy to set up, they even give you a little saying when you check in every day. For some reason, I’m not seeing where the forum rules are posted so hopefully this is OK to do, I do know that brand names and specific equipment are mentioned here.
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The NYT has an article online about this. The dog had gone to the vet for some sort of procedure which is why she was crated and recovering. Gene had heart disease and advanced Alzheimer's which played a big part (the AD) in his death. He was thought to be too confused and disoriented to call 911 about Betsy, 65. Betsy died from the hantavirus.

Too bad Betsy didn't hire in home help for Gene who never should've been left alone while she ran errands; grocery shopping, vet appointments, etc.

RIP Gene Hackman and Betsy Arakawa
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They did find an open bottle of pills near her body. She was 64 going on 65.

Years ago we had a new WaWa built right next to a Apt complex. Each morning a elderly lady would walk over to get something. She would tell the girls she would not be seeing them the next day because she was going out of town. One day she did not come in. She had not told the girls she was going out of town. The police were called and it was found she had passed away.

Being 30 yrs younger than her husband, nobody probably ever thought she would go before him.
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The pills were thyroid meds.
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I think this really hits home the point that a single person caring for an elder is just not enough. Too much can go wrong.
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I don’t understand why they didn’t have even just house cleaners coming in once a week, what with the size of the house and their wealth. Surely the combination of dogs and expensive artwork (Hackman apparently was an artist and surely they owned art themselves) would make that kind of a non-negotiable. Why would the wife of a rich retired movie star insist on doing everything herself? It makes me wonder whether something embarrassing like hoarding was going on in the home, that she didn’t want others to see. Or maybe she could have been suffering from a mental health problem like paranoia, or even the beginnings of cognitive issues herself, that no one noticed with all the focus on her famous spouse with full-blown Alzheimer’s.

So sad.
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Snoopy, they had no housekeepers. And the house was emaculate and well organized. She did all care for him, and for the dogs, who OFTEN were to the vet, special diets and the whole nine yards. The one in the crate had had a recent surgery and crating recommended by the vet. The other dogs roaming kept hydrated, likely from drinking from toilets. When they couldn't find Gene initially, the garden/maintenance guys (who normally she texted with) having seen her by peeping in windows when they were out of communication. The one dog led police to Gene's body, very insistently. Yahoo has a very very long writeup of her last being in CVS and having gone back into her home so rapidly she didn't completely close front door. She had been masked in CVS, clearly feeling ill already. Hanta, when it goes to lung can kill in fewer than 20 minutes. Gene's date of death likely days after. Measured by his pacemaker which could tell when he went into atrial fib and no further heartbeats of his own. It's all quite clear how it all happened. He had an empty stomach, so apparently couldn't really prepare food for himself? But was hydrated at his death apparently as he lived for days. He had his cane in hand, and a pair of sunglasses nearby, was in the mudroom by the kitchen, that would lead outside, so perhaps was thinking to leave. They believe he didn't know she or the dog in the bathroom near front of the house.
Apparently she kept him active and happy, even to bike riding the year before. They were regulars at their golf club, much admired and beloved and she was devoted to him. She often did go out to do chores and back home, and no, apparently had never any help with him, did it all. I think in the end had little time for anything else in all likelihood. She lost touch with everyone, and one wonders if that wasn't because they were telling her "Look, you cannot continue to do this". This was apparently quite a devoted loving couple.
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My mother - under normal circumstances, would share our home. About 4 years ago - she went to help my grandmother and ended up staying there. My grandmother passed in December and my mom plans to come back home, but said it is much easier to go through all of my grandmother's "collections" (read very neat, very well organized hoard) and close her estate while living at my grandmother's home.

I am in contact either via text or call every single day. My mom is in excellent health, is 78 years old and on the go constantly (enough so that we added her to Life 360 lol). My brother tends to be the type that calls mom when HE has something he wants to talk about. He doesn't mean any harm, it just doesn't occur to him to call and check in regularly. People are all different.

I prefer the peace of mind afforded by making sure mom has returned safely and is feeling ok - and she prefers that too. And my brother knows I've got it under control.

But that is also the kind of relationship that my mom and I have.

My FIL - honestly - as he was an abusive narcissist - if my SIL and her DH had not lived with him as he went down hill - I honestly don't know that either of his children would have regularly been in contact with him - maybe once a week give or take, maybe longer just depending. Because SIL and BIL lived with him - we always talked to THEM. But FIL wasn't someone you really WANTED to engage with unless you absolutely had to do so.

I'm not quick to point fingers at people outside of their home - simply because we don't know what the relationships were in their family. If they were estranged, that doesn't change just because someone gets older.

I recently told someone that just because my FIL passed away, it does not absolve him of all of the horrible things he did to his children.
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Well, we don’t call my MIL that much because she has age related hearing loss and she won’t do anything about it. She can’t hear her phone ring, so every time we call she never answers.

Sometimes she calls back quickly and most of the time she doesn’t. I’m done running over there to make sure she isn’t dead. I’m waiting for a hip replacement date so I can’t do that anymore anyway. DH is away a lot of the time for work.

The last time we ran over there, we had to bang on the door because of her hearing loss. (We don’t have a key because of course she won’t let us have one). She was sleeping at 5 pm and us banging on her door (because she didn’t hear the knock, the doorbell, the car horn, the phone calls) startled her and she jumped up and then fell into a glass cabinet.

This caused her to rip her arm from the top to her elbow which caused her to get admitted to the hospital for surgery since the wound was so deep.

This celebrity couple was known to be reclusive. We have no idea what any family situations are. It’s very easy to say someone “should have called”… but in that same vein, why did no neighbors check on them either.

It makes me wonder if they were a typical elderly eccentric couple who were isolated and didn’t want anyone meddling because they had it all under control.

It’s like the actress Alicia Witt’s parents who died of hypothermia in their own house. They would never let her in and they wouldn’t accept offers of help from her.

Perhaps his family was like a lot of us sitting back and waiting for “the BIG event” but unfortunately their big event was horribly big and tragic.
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I was surprised there was no medical alert system at the very least.

It’s heartbreaking what happened.
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L, He / they imo wanted privacy and to be isolated. Where they lived is an area in the foothills NE of Santa Fe. Land bought late 1980s was 45 acres; built a 8,700 sq ft split level in 1991. Beyond huge open spaces house w/massive fireplaces, kivas, vigas throughout but only 3 BR & 2BA. 12 acres btw house + intense landscaping. Featured in publications, used as location for photos for the interiors shop she co-owned (Pandoras) in SF. House at edge of an outlook called Old Sunset Trail. Was a caliche road off the 475 up to the Ski Basin & Santo Christo Mtns for ages. Not a place ya just run by to visit. Their land outside the only driveway to the 12 AC house and landscaped gardens has no road access & zoned private preserve open space (common to be done in NM). It’s isolated.

Something happened 2000 as they sold off some of the land closer to the 475, so now there’s like maybe dz homes total on a new street (Nevado) & OST. Area made a gated community. In 2010 1 acre adjacent to house subdivided & titled in her name only and a 2400 sq ft 2 BR house built. Her mother listed as its resident till Covid times (back to her home State of HI, she now has end stage dementia). This sm house uses the only driveway and is landscaped to the main house. If the Hackmans wanted staff, they could have easily unobtrusively lived in this sm house. That this didn’t happen, to me, is another sign they wanted privacy and unfortunately the isolation that brings.

By all accounts, they were active in SF and she doted on him. They did biking, trails, buying trips for the shop. He was on the Board of the O’Keefe, they quietly sponsored competition level young pianists. Post Covid that ebbed out & he was getting dementia. That winter 23-24 photo circulating of him in the grey vest, he looks so so thin and frail.

I don’t think she knew how ill she was. Didn't realize had hantavirus. Probably though it’s the flu, I’ll mask and it will be fine. Her last day - driving down to SF, going to Sprouts, to CVS, to pet store, to vet - is oh so busy & normal. It’s a lot of walking, loading, hauling. Hanta shuts down your respiratory system. I think it fills your lungs like pneumonia. 40% fatal and was for her. He probably wasn’t aware she collapsed or died. He just went about his usual clouded with dementia days till he fell (I bet due to being dehydrated) and then died.

One of my BIL/SIL live outside of SF. One of my cousins lived in Taos. Been up there lots past 30 years. Did some apres ski bunny trips b4 that. Know the area somewhat. That HUGE of a house with 24/7 access doggie doors really lends itself to having outside creatures coming in unnoticed. Hanta carried by deer mice. Easily scurry in and set up housekeeping in one of those kivas in that 8,700 sq ft house undetected. Kiva an ideal home for a rodent to live unseen even with regular housekeeping. Hanta transmission is the usual PLUS airborne. So shake / vacuum / walk over a rug or floor the Hanta mice have travel on, you can breathe the virus in. I like to think they both fell, became unconscious, then died; so no pain.
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This was one of the saddest things I have ever heard! Although his wife was younger than he was, I'm sure she was exhausted from being a care giver and did not feel like keeping the house up as far as cleaning ( rodent droppings).
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Faithful, the home, if you read my note below is said to have been VERY CLEAN and very well organized. In fact she kept a quite immaculate home all on her own, so you're right, she was exhausted. They had a lot of outbuildings. In those mice would run rampant and if you inhale urine or feces in dust you can get this. The desert is LOADED with mice and rats of every kind; keep rattlers, basically. Hanta is almost never lethal but when it is it happens within 20 minutes from "stress to death".
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Let’s imagine they did have either a paid helper who came every day or family members who called faithfully morning and night and had a plan of action in case the phone was not answered (even though none of the adult children live in the same state). In either case, her body would have been found within a few hours. I don’t think her death would have been prevented.

The dog could likely have been saved. Gene would have been taken to either a hospital or a SNF or maybe (??) whomever jumped into action would have been able to immediately arrange 24/7 in-home caregivers for him. He was 95 and had advanced dementia. Clearly, his wife wanted him to live out his days at home. Yes, they could have afforded in home care, alarm systems, cameras, etc. She chose not to do any of those.
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My neighbor sends out a text to a lot of her friends and family EVERY morning.
When I get mine I respond.
If I do not get her 8:00 am text I will wait an hour if I do not hear anything I will text her. If I don't get a reply I will text her daughter.
If I do not get around to replying at least by 9:00 am she calls me or follows up with a text.
It does not take that much time to check in on someone.
I have been known to text other neighbors that I have net seen in a while.
Granted I do not live in an Estate with acreage so I see people walking around the neighborhood. ....

What I am surprised about is the pacemaker he was wearing, you would have thought that if it stopped there would have been some alert. And wonder how many times it activated while he was dying..
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Grandma, Most pacers today are on demand. They are monitored but not to check on "proof of life". They are monitored ONLY to collect data. Such as "How many times did the patient go into atrial fib, how many times did the patients implanted defibrillator give a shock, and so on. They are "read" periodically, but they are not set to ALARM personnel if they are not working. Many pick up signals only when patient is in the home near bedside where monitor is plugged in. He goes on vacation then no one will know that. So those monitors are for different purposes than the general public thinks. His likely worked when his heart rate fell below a certain level. Then the pacer would take over. The pacer would function but only to attempt to trigger a heart beat. It will be on the readout when that is done that it attempted to initiate by doing whatever its settings tell it to do, but it won't call 911, or report that the patient simply is not in the room where the monitor is able to measure beats.
That at least the the way MOST monitors worked in my time. Now I am decade out, so perhaps there's more at this time.By doing their readout of data collected on Mr. Hackman's monitoring device, it was unable to initiate a heart beat after February 18th. That is why they assume he died on that date.
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I think it was an over exhausted caregiver who fell ill to hantavirus. We have had cases of hands here in New Mexico from rodent urine or droppings. It does not have to be an infestation to get it just ingestion. A rodent could have peed on top of a drink like a soda and you can get this virus. It can be picked up on shoes or paws and inhaled as dust particles. It is fatal and you can fall ill very fast. Hackman had advanced memory loss so he might have assumed she was sleeping and kept forgetting she was sleeping. He most likely did not eat or drink. The dogs would not be cared for as Hackman probably did not even remember one was crated. My guess is that his wife felt compelled to be the main caregiver. Many feel hired caregivers won't take care for their loved one like they can. This couple has been together since the 80s, so she must have felt she could handle it
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