What is the funniest thing your aging parent has said to you lately?

I visited Mom recently and found her in her big "barcalounger" chair (which she LOVES) watching TV....her face lit up in a beautiful smile when she saw me in her doorway so I held up my iPhone and said "Smile"! She did and I snapped it.....she looked so damn cute and petite in that big chair, wearing a hot pink hoodie and grey and pink sweats.....I took the snap and handed her the phone.....she took one look at the pic, shoved the phone back at me and said, "OMG....get rid of that and take another....I look like a big, fat pink baby!". So....I look at the pic and damn if she isn't right.....the CNA's had tied the strings of the hood so it billowed around her face making it look really small and the way she was sitting made the midsection billow out and her skinny little legs just stuck out from the chair.....I couldn't help it....I just started laughing….then Mom started laughing....oh, we laughed our azzes off (as captain would say).....d*mn if Mom with her dementia can't STILL be the sharpest card in the pack....(same 93 yo woman who asked if her Mom was still alive and insisted we were expected at Grandma's last Thanksgiving) ....just makes my heart sing to think of that moment, so much unintended fun for both of us!

Most of us have seen those commercials for the small, easy-to-peel citrus fruits marketed toward children. Most of us have seen the "if you don't have Halos, they don't have Halos" commercials where children get cranky and up to mischief if you don't have these special fruits around.

I quite often get these (or Cuties) for my mom, who doesn't have a lot of strength in her hands. But I don't buy them, exclusively.

The other day, Mom actually got so aggravated by peeling an ordinary honey tangerine that I couldn't help think "when I don't have Halos, she doesn't have a Halo!"

Since I am an only child, I love having a bigger family! I think of mom as Lady Grantham.

Today we were sitting in a huge conference room at a law firm getting my parents to sign their updated legal documents. While in the room one side all the lights went out [they there sensor lights]. The notary went over to try to get the lights on.... she couldn't. So my Dad said he had a pocket full of quarters.

Wow, what a big family! Related to my mom, as well!! ;-)

Hanger that is an absolute corker she is clearly related to my mum!

Thinking how beautiful it was Saturday, we took mom to go see Gibbs Gardens. The 22 million daffodils were in full bloom as were the forsythia's and spirea. It was just lovely. They have a tram to ride around the gardens if you can't walk. I got mom on the tram and as we were riding along, I said "Isn't this just beautiful, mom?" She says so dead pan. "I've seen flowers before." "Besides, the sun is in my eyes."

Fave sis with her favorite daughter, N and granddaughter R - dropped by with lunch today. She was singing the National Anthem with her 4 year old granddaughter (who is learning it from daycare). Sis doesn't know most of the words,so what she knows - she sings and the ones she doesn't, she hums.

After they left, my dad said, "V has a very good singing voice. She can sing the high notes."

I texted sis his praise of her.
She texted back, "Oh really. Thank you. hehe, but N said he is just deaf."

LOL

Yes my mum often does that or she will change the subject because she thinks I wont notice she has lost the plot of what she intended to say. Today's classic? You have to change my bottom this one's dirty. So I said you mean your panties? Response? You are stupid sometimes you can't wear patios ... hey ho!

That's cute.

My mom sometimes says things that seem out of context or confusing, or she mixes up words to cause funny statements. She asked me to take her to Michael's and, on the way out the door, said, "I hate Michael's." I stopped dead in my tracks and said, "But you asked me to take you." She admitted she did and kept walking. I persisted in asking why she hates it.

The light bulb went on for her and she tried to figure out what she was trying to say. Finally, she just said, "I don't know what I was trying to say, let's just go."

We were going to take mum to a lavender farm today...just as we were getting into the car she said I cant stand lavender....aaah that was news to me but rather than cause upset we took her to an old mill to see how it was years ago ..... Mum had a great time. On the way home she said lavender wasnt there then .... well no mum you said you couldn't stand lavender. No I cant she always pulled my hair.......Light clicks on Lavender was a girl she went to school with

After hip replacement, mom, 84, was being checked into rehab. The nurse was asking the obligatory state of mind questions: What day is it? What's your name, etc. mom says, "Why are you asking me all these silly questions?" (She's still quite sharp). I said jokingly, " It's a test mom. If you don't pass they make you go home." The next question the nurse asked was, "Do you know who the president is?" Mom replied, "Roosevelt ". Mom had to stay and she did well.

Apparently my mother spent $15,000.00 to buy one wall at the nursing home. She has told me this several times now. I told her at that price it better have gold behind it. My mother is real confused by my older brother. Years ago he was dark and handsome, now a days he has gained a lot of weight and is bald. She says 'why has your brother not visited lately, and I tell her that he just left, she then says no not your dad's relative, I mean your older brother. I tell her again, mom that is your son and she says he can't be, he is old enough to be my father. Makes me laugh each time and it happens often.

If my mom were involved and it had to do with donuts, I'd also check her pockets. Anyone got one of those wands from the airport security? Can we get them to work on non-metals? :-)

My Mom's donuts are missing. Endofrope, where was your mom last night - can you check her purse? Hahaha!

Book, I hope all is well in your area after that storm! Sounds like it was bad. Hopefully the aides can come take care of Dad soon.

I wish I could put puppy pads on the floor in front of mom's bed. She routinely waits too long to go to the bathroom, and if I don't remind her, she'll lay down to sleep without going, and then when she gets up, it's like a dam bursting and there's a puddle on the floor. I did buy a new bathroom rug the other day...I guess I'll try that - but she has such a tendency to trip on things that I worry about rugs. But I've got to do something - I'm constantly wiping urine off the floor. I fear one day I'll take the finish right off the hardwood floor with all this wiping and cleaning!

Because we had a storm lastnight, and the governor did not declare it core 4, normal until 10am this morning, most of the government offices were closed. And that included dad's gov't caregiver who comes to sponge bathe him today.

He complained, "They didn't come today because it's a holiday. They didn't come last Friday."

I said softly, teasing him, "Eew! You stinky!"

He laughed so hard, at the same time trying to say it's not his fault.

I'm about to change his pamper, and moved his side table away from his bed. I see that the floor is wet. I usually put puppy liners below his side table to catch the spills. But this time, there was none. I muttered something about who wet the floor. He asked, "What?"

I put my hands on my hips, stared at the floor, and said loudly, "The floor is wet! Who spilled on the floor?!"

He gave this guilty laugh, replied, "I don't know. Someone is doing it!"

Shortly after my mom stopped driving she once said to me "I haven't snuck the car keys". It was just like having a teenager.

Apparently a baby was born on mother's couch today. Sorry I missed it.............

In that vein...

Every day at mealtime, lately, my mother has seemed distracted. Finally, she asked me to pick-up a card that I had on my place mat. It was the instructions for a Drive brand walker. I handed it to her.

"Wow, what a relief," she says. "Every day I've been looking at that [upside down] and thought it was 'D-n-v-e' and couldn't figure out what kind of word that was!" If you look at the Drive logo, the "r" and "i" together do look like an "n" especially from upside down, but it took her days to ask to see it right side up.

It was kind of cute, actually, and I'm glad she felt so relieved.

My husband was sitting with my mom while I did errands and he said he saw her staring at a book on the shelf. She asked him if she could see it, "he so tactfully told her that of course she could, it was her house" Anyway she pulled out this huge white Bible and in all seriousness told my husband that she had never heard of
The Holly Bibble. (not a typo, say it out loud, H.O.L.L.Y. B.I. B.B.L.E.)

...upon seeing the recent appearance of shamrocks and leprechauns on TV, my mother in-law asks, "What's with all this green? Is it Green Hog day?"

On the way to doctor yesterday mom was in a foul mood. The afternoon caregiver went with us and was telling me about her husband's skin cancer surgery the day before. Mom blurted out "that's why I don't want to go to the doctor today!" I told her she was not having surgery. She was just going to see the endocrinologist about her thyroid and her diabetes. We were teasing my mom trying to get her out of her bad mood. I asked my mom if she was considering getting a facelift. She said "it would take two men to lift my face to accomplish that!" We kept talking and I said the only kind of surgery, cosmetic wise but I would consider is a boob lift. We all laughed about that and I said yep got these from Mom and she got hers from her mom. Thanks very much mom! She gets a serious look on her face and says "well I'm not blaming my mom!"

My mum has dementia so she sometimes experiences some very weird stuff. Last week she said Jude Jude there's a body at the end of the bed. So I came running - lord knows why, there were only us in the house and the doors were all locked! Well I checked the end of the bed because I felt she needed me to and then came the classic. You murderer you killed the cat because it ate your parrot. WTF? We dont have any pets and have never had a parrot. She insisted I call the police - an hour later she was still screaming at me and my neighbour rang me. I explained what was happening and bless her she did something amazing - she donned an old fancy dress outfit and came round to see me mum. Mum was sweetness and light and asked it a sweet voice what are you doing here are those neighours causing troule again. OMG I nearly died as she named the very woman stood in front of her. Fortunately my neighbour understands but all has been very quiet of late!

geo123, That sounds exactly like my mom!

Mom is somewhat unsteady and now supposed to be using a walker. Physical Theraphy has asked her to practice at home.

Yesterday, as usual, she wasn't using it, but I asked if she wanted to practice with it and she said she would. She walked around the house with it, keeping her body in the middle and her posture good. Eventually, she got to me and asked if she could stop. I told her that was a good practice session, for now, and to go ahead and stop.

So, she left the walker in the middle of the room and walked back to the other room to sit and watch TV. Kind of defeated the purpose...

I had an appointment today at a military base and mom wanted to go with me so she could shop at the commissary (grocery store) afterwards. There was a long line of cars trying to go thru the gate because security stops every car and checks for military I.D and sometimes does random car inspections. I told mom that I wasn't worried about being searched and I jokingly ask her if there was anything she was hiding and she replied "Just my Titties" ! We all know how dangerous those floppy granny boobs can be.

Today, I've been bitten by 4 tiny ants - 3 on the legs and one on my upper arm. Ants seem to like to bite me - even the black ants that don't bite. As I was changing dad's pamper tonight, I noticed that his bedding had crumbs of cookies. I looked hard and couldn't find any ants on his bed.

I mentioned to dad about the 4 ants biting me today and yet he has no ants on him. I concluded teasingly, "The ants only bite ME because I'm Sweet to them."

He thinks about it. Then says, "No. The ants that bit you are MEN, not women."