What is the funniest thing your aging parent has said to you lately?

Bookluvr, I had to chuckle when your Dad said "Goodnight, Irene" as that is an old song going back to the mid 1930's and was sung by many famous singers over the years, including Frank Sinatra. Then it became a cute way of saying goodnight to someone over those earlier years :)

Sis got dad for xmas a winter cap, zippered Calvin Klein sweatshirt with hoodie and some other stuff. When he gets haircuts, it's shorter than the military haircut, almost bald. So, I thought it was a perfect gift that sis got him the cap. (He has several.)

Just before going to sleep for the night, I asked him if he wanted the cap on.
He replied, "No, it will cover my head and make me bald."

It's just 12:20am and Dad's ready to go to bed. He said, "Goodnight!"

I was just about to say 'Goodnight' back to him. When he said again, "Goodnight, Irene!"

I replied, "I'm not Irene."

He continued without pause, singing, "Good Night, Irene. Good night, Irene. I will see you in my dream...."

{eyes rolling} And here I thought he was saying goodnight to me!

"I've always been your mother, father, and best friend."

My dad likes xmas music. For the past couple of the days, I've had the TV in the seasonal channel which is playing 24/7 xmas songs.

After a while, dad said angrily, "I don't want to listen to men sing! I want to hear women singing!"

Well, this is questionable--but I was at the cemetery where daddy is buried, putting some poinsettias on the grave. (I know he's not "there") I apologized to him once again for having him buried next to Grandma, as they didn't get along really well, but he died in Jan. and they dug in the wrong plot--we'll move him when mother passes--and as I am arranging the flowers I say "Oh, Daddy, Mother is driving us nuts. Can't you please come and get her?" And, clear as day, I heard him say "I don't want her!". I must have looked like a demented person, laughing so hard kneeling on a grave. That's exactly how daddy talked.
(I know he loved mother, but she did drive him crazy).

My dad is so adorable. He loves to be a jokester, but on this occasion, he was being serious. First of all, my dad is 79 and is not computer or phone savy. He doesn't do email or go online. The only thing he knows about Twitter is what he sees on tv.

I recently asked dad for my aunt's address so I could send her a Christmas card. He started reading it to me from is address book. I guess he was trying to be current and he read it this way:

Aunt Jenny and Uncle John
1123 hashbrown 158 Highway
Camedon, NC

It's actually 1123 #158 Highway. Oh daddy. He cracks me up. Hashbrown...hashtag....what's the difference? lol

I started to laugh. Daddy asked why and I said it was just something I saw online that morning.

Mom is confused and wakes up asking if it's Christmas yet, all week. She asks me, "Where is everyone, is it ok if I eat?"

We gave mom Christmas gifts yesterday. She looked upsaet and said, "but i can't write anymore"...meaning thank you notes.

My mother was upset one day and said "Oh! IF only my daddy were here, HE'D understand". (Grandpa died in 1963). I wasn't feeling very charitable that day and said "Holy COW! He'd be 117 years old! I bet he would be furious to still be alive!" Mother replied "But then he'd understand how hard it is to get old."

My dad's hospital bed in the livingroom is located near the window and exit door. On the wall near him, we have framed family pictures. One photo is a collage of smaller photos of the family (me and my siblings and their kids). The other photo is my dad and his siblings. His younger sister died several years ago. We taped her funeral photo keepsake also on this wall.

When the home care nurse was here in this past weekend, my dad said that's his daughter. Now, let me tell you this, Aunty N does Not look younger than her age. So, the nurse looks at the wall, has this puzzled look on his face - as my dad continues to talk about his daughter Catarina.

Finally, the nurse couldn't keep it in. He turns to me, and whispers, "Is that your sister?"

I chuckled, and replied, "No, that's HIS sister!"

Bookluvr - tell dad that witch hazel is a bigger deterrent for bugs than oil. I swear I read something that bugs eat oil.....wink wink, nudge nudge.

Forgot to add - the nurse quietly told me that the oil had solidified inside his ear. So, it wasn't just the ear wax but the oil residues he was clearing out of dad's ears....

Since dad's stroke 3 years ago, he has never cleaned his inside ears. He's 24/7 on his back - refuses to lie on his sides - even at nights. He also has this idea that if he puts olive oil in his ears, the bugs (spiders, roaches, etc...) won't crawl into his ears when sleeping. His hearing is affected because of this.

The home nurse decided to flush his ears. Which was today. Dad did his best to be stoic but... he kept complaining that it hurt. The nurse kept flushing it because so much wax was inside.

Tonight, Dad said, "The doctor shouldn't have done that."
I asked him, "Done what?"
He replied, "The doctor shouldn't have poured water into my brain!"

Yesterday, Thanksgiving, I watched with joy as my mom watched the Macy's parade. Then I remembered how she and my dad were always like that. Brought back my childhood. As I got the meal prepared, she said she wasn't hungry. We made a rather large plate of food for her. I said just eat what you want. She cleaned that plate, then went and laid down. She still isn't up. :)

I just said to my Mom

"Today is Thanksgiving, I'm going to be busy so NO complaining from you"

She said in her childlike whine "I'll try"..

It's the most I can ask for!!

Leah I have to say viva la difference. I do love some of your word. Gotten is probably my favourite. Although very Old English word we don't use it now but I do. Love it. You have developed words with mean. we have pavement - you have sidewalk so even if you don't know what the words are, you could work it out. we have spectacles you have eye glasses ....ditto....the same of course isn't true for everything ...backhoe makes me giggle

Jude, for years I didn't realize that braces was a British term for suspenders. So when I would read The Hobbit, in the place where it says, "He stuck a thumb behind his braces and blew out an enormous smoke ring." I thought it meant that he stuck his thumb behind his teeth braces and that that somehow helped him blow a smoke ring. Lol
Another one that confused me was jumper, because here in America, a jumper is a pinafore dress.
I love how cookies (U.S.) are called biscuits (U.K.); especially chocolate biscuits. It sounds really delicious.

Kayfray I am sorry I just roared with laughter when I read suspender wearing boyfriend . You see I am in the UK and we call those things braces. To confuse matters we also call teeth straighteners braces too. Suspenders over here have two meanings they either hold socks up (if you're old school and usually a very elderly man and I mean VERY elderly or they hold stockings up - I think you may call them garters although we too have garters but they are single elastic bands that will hold the stocking on one leg up (so yes you would need a pair unless you want to look very odd!)
The difference between Americanisms and Britishisms can be a nightmare. You see we don't use the word fanny for bottom or in slang terms bum (its a little further forward if you get my drift!) so when someone asked me in the states if I had a fanny pack I was confused . I could only assume it was some sort of slang for a sanitary pad. So I said I am sorry I don't use them anymore. We had a rather convoluted conversation as to why and when I said I had had a hysterectomy so I had no use for them the penny clicked with her. She hooted with laughter and explained. Fanny packs are what we in Britain call bum bags. I could have done with that pad I nearly peed myself! Two countries divided by a common language. We wear pants under our trousers you wear panties under your pants. You have stick shift - we have manual cars. You say backhoe we say JCB weird old world

Mom came out of the back of the house and said to me, "Is there anyone else working here today?' I said "no". Then she said, "Miss, I would like a light lunch." I said "Yes, mam" She said "Aren't the flowers beautiful today?" I said "Yes, mam". She said "Isn't it a beautiful sunny day ?" I said "Yes, mam" She then said "I like you a whole lot." I said "I love you , too." And then I about fainted, she said I would like my bath now after she ate. She was ushered to the shower so quickly, she didn't have time to take it back.

My father, who lives with me and happens to be the most negative person on the planet, started talking about the daughter of a high school buddy of mine recently. My buddy and his family came to a party I had at the house about a month ago. His daughter, who is 18 had purple hair, a short black skirt, ripped leggings and black boots that came half way up her calf. She came with her nerdy bow tie, suspender wearing boyfriend. They were adorable and engaging people. Two days after the party my father said, "James' daughter was sure a piece of work." T asked what he meant by that and he said, "Well, if she had normal hair and dressed better she might be attractive." I told him she's not trying to be attractive to an 82 year old man and that I'm sure her boyfriend found her plenty attractive. He said, "You mean that sad example of a boy she was with." Dad saw the look of sadness and horror on my face and new he'd gone too far. Deciding to soften his harsh commentary he said, "I don't mean that in a bad way. It's not his fault he's scrawny and ugly." (Sigh) sorry, I guess that's not very funny.

A few weeks ago when daddy was in the ER, I was hovering over him and putting extra blankets on him. He looked at me and my stylish nail polish and said, "It's so cold in here her nails are blue."

My dad hates going to the clinic or the ER. I was able to persuade him to go his appointment 2 days from that day. I started panicking when sis called me that the clinic called and postponed his appointment to next week. I knew that he will do his best to get out of the appointment.

Today, the clinic called to remind him of his appointment in Tuesday. About 10 minutes after he hung up, he said, "I'm dying. I don't need to see the doctor."

I was watching the news, and Obama came on. Dad said, "There's the President!" Paused. Then asked me his name. I said, "Obama." He replied, "That's a funny name."

An hour later, the news show Obama. My dad exclaimed, "There's the governor!"

ohJude: I live in fear my mother will say something inappropriate and politically incorrect. At 100, she is of the "old school of predjudice" and I'm praying she does not insult any of the very wonderful people taking care of her. It would be so embarrassing! As you say, they don't know what day it is, can't remember five minutes ago, but they do remember events and things from the past. Mom also quotes the poem "trees" by Robert Frost - every time she is outside, she admires trees and recites it. Its so sad.

Due to poor circulation, I rub lotion on Mom's feet and legs often. After finishing one foot I asked her to give me the other one. She said "now where did that thing go?" What thing Mom? "My other foot"! It took her a minute but then she was able to laugh at herself.

Oh Amy that is something I understand only too well. While Mum doesn't like eating the food I prepare the same cannot be said of cake or biscuits or jelly babies which she will consume in huge amounts....if I let her.

However my mum is a prude not given to using foul language nor tolerating it in others. Imagine my shock today when she told the vicar (who brought her home) a joke.

She said how do you know which jelly babies are illegitimate? He said he didn't know to which she replied you tip up the bag and all the b£$%^ds fall out.

Now mum has zero sense of humour, can't remember what time of day it is most of the time yet somewhere deep in her psyche laid this joke. He had the good grace to laugh, more likely at the horror on my face. Then we both smiled in appreciation that somewhere inside that brain lie cells that are still linking together albeit in a very haphazard way.

Finally I can give everyone a "funny" because the past ten years Mom hasn't laughed or been funny. Her first day in the nursing home, Sis sat with her and explained she has to eat to get stronger (because Mom never eats). Mom said "I don't like the food here". (automatic response everywhere she has been) Sis says "you haven't had a meal here, you just got here". Answer "oh" "Well, I didn't like the food in the other place" Sis "it was wonderful food, I ate with you several times" Answer "oh, well I didn't like the food in the other place before that one" Sigh!

What is your Avatar today, is that a calendar, because I cannot read it, but am interested.

Don't worry Assandache, most people when talking to God will be telling Him what to do and say about other's salvation. Your mother is no different, and I personally get a real kick in the funny/cute bone from seeing her try to manipulate God to put you in your place. Lol. God sees you in a more loving and generous way, imop.