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My dad's stories have changed a lot from the reality. As a civilian warehouse man for the navy, he retired early so that he can caregive mom full time. Tonight, he's on the roll with his reality.

"People are so surprise when they find out that I'm a federal agent." .. Really? A federal agent?
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hahaahahah!!! Okay, I only have seconds to write this one. Program comes on TV, it is a re-run and we only had seen it THIS WEEK, so I remember everything about it, and I´m not about to sit thru it.
I get up and say: Mom, since we just saw this one, I am going to play with my computer for a while.............
We just saw this one????????
When???????????
I knew it would be useless, so I said exactly what was going to happen in the next minute, and it did!!!
She said.........oh, it did happen!!!
I see you in 1 hour mom.............my hour is up.

M88
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Daddy said...

"There's this guy at "work" (aka the Adult Day Center) that can't remember S***! He will ask the same question over and over again..."

(wait five minutes)

"There's this guy at "work" (aka the Adult Day Center) that can't remember S***! He will ask the same question over and over again..."

(repeat ad nauseum)
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My husband (67) has hallucinations that are neither pleasant or harmless. He accuses neighbors and family of awful things. However, a couple weeks ago he came back from walking the dogs (always the exact same route) and told me, "I'm really tired of all the kids who stop me to ask about sex!" After putting my eyeballs back in my head and then trying not to fall on the floor laughing, it amazes me that after nine years he can still surprise me with what he says. I've been getting a lot of mileage from this story because I have something pleasant to say for a change.
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Mymommy ~ Aw! I hope she was joking with you, and sounds like she was! Lol!
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Just sitting watching television one evening I moved the wrong way on the sofa trying to get up and stumbled. I thought my mom was asleep. When I walked on into the kitchen I heard her say that's what you get with your fat self always eating up everything in site.
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I took my dad in for an outpatient surgery today, and he did something funny...

I had given him the pre op instruction list weeks ago, and went over them again with him yesterday. Shower with antibacterial wash, no food/liquid after midnight, wear PJs/robe, leave watch and wallet at home, etc.

I knew there would be some non-compliance based on previous experience, so I gave him a hard look but didn't say much when he insisted on wearing: PJs, shirt and jeans over that, a fisherman's vest full of his assorted junk, an overcoat with pockets filled up with yet more stuff. He wore his fanny pack that holds checkbooks and other junk, and carried a small suitcase with who-knows-what in it. I'm not exaggerating at all. That's what my father wanted to wear to surgery, despite my attempts to get him to comply, despite having my mother call to encourage him to comply. So. It is what it is. I told him this morning to remember to bring picture ID and insurance card.

We get to the hospital. I explain to the sympathetic, understanding staff that I attempted to get my dad to comply, but it's a comfort thing for him to bring all his stuff, and thanked them for their understanding. I asked my dad to get out his insurance card. He said "I didn't bring my wallet because it said 'no wallet'."

They still admitted him. Thankfully.
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Loved this thread, just read almost 700 posts! Here's mine. In the ER Monday, looks at me and says "My other daughter...I can't remember her name...she thinks shes the boss of EVERYTHING!" Since she never sees my sister she could only be talking about me...to me.
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I'm late in changing dad's pamper tonight. I saw that he was getting restless and mistakenly thought it was because of that. So, I reassured him that as soon as I'm done, we will change his pamper.

He replied, "Change my pamper? That's a lot of work!"

Oh, really??? Hmmm... I recall I'm doing most of the pulling, pushing, holding him in place with one hand while the other is cleaning because Someone Forgets to hold on to the railing while on his side... lower back pain...

Of course, I will give him credit because when he turns without my assistance he looks like an overturned turtle with his legs/arms swinging in the air trying to turn. So, maybe from his viewpoint, it Is a lot of work!
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Is her picture the only one posted? While it is funny, I would first be worried about Mom's dignity.
Second, if she is that smart to have a plan of escape, let her outta there!
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LOL! Like your Aunt's claim to fame. A wanted poster in her unit. Did she used to sell life insurance?
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Well, they posted my Aunt's picture near the exit door of the dementia unit because she tried to escape by posing as a life insurance agent having met with someone on the unit. Visitors kept letting her out with them. It was a funny poster to see.
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My dad needs to be shaved weekly. I refuse to shave my dad. I'm impatient and have been known (those rare times to shave my legs) to find a long razor cut on my leg. Dad usually pays our niece-of-next-door or the neighbor, Jimmy, renting the house next door. Jimmy is well known to borrow money, promise to pay it back and never does.

Tonight, as usual, my dad tells me his day. He was saying that Jimmy shaved him. Dad only paid him $10.00 (whereas the last time he paid Jimmy $40.00, before that was $20.00). My dad loves sun glasses. He must have commented to Jimmy about his eye glass because Jimmy offered his sun glasses to dad.

Dad said, "I said no because I know that guy! If I say yes, he's going to say to me, 'It's ONLY $10.00.' ONLY." I burst out laughing because despite my dad's decline mentally, he's still sharp when it comes to his money!
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So much of the past year with Mom has been awful. But once in a while she will give us a chance to smile a little. Mom refuses to stay put, keeps trying to get out of her chair. She has a velcro alarm belt on and the nurses say she keeps undoing it and setting off the alarm.
An aide told me after about 5 times she had undone the belt and sent her running to keep her in the chair, the aide said to her "you are wearing me out, every time you take the belt off". Mom simply said "Oh, it was an accident". Dementia and all, the "lie excuse" is still in operation. Yep, that's definitely Mom still in there.
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This didn't come from Mom, but from one of the CNAs that works with her in the NH. She has a couple of girls there that are just a riot - incredible sense of humor. One of them was getting mom into and out of the bathroom while I was there one night, and asked Mom if she was ready to stand up off the toilet.

Mom: "Yes, I'm ready, but I'll need a wipe job"
CNA: "Well hop up and gimme that booty!"

Both Mom and I laughed *so* hard....it was just the way she said it. LOL
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My dad asked me how old I was. I didn't answer. He asked again, this time asking if I'm age 25. I said,no, that I'm 50. He replied, "50?! You're not 50!" I told him that I'm getting old and that's why I keep complaining about my back pain. He replied that my back hurts because it needs massaging. After a while, he said, "You cannot be 50 years old. Maybe 40, but not 50." Hmmmm. There goes my ego...what happened to age 25???
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Today is moms 96th birthday. Steve and I wished her a Happy Birthday at breakfast. She asked how old am I. I said 96. She looked at both of us and said she was living with crazy people.
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When I was growing up, I heard a lot of cuss words from dad. As I grew older, he was curbing his cussing. Well, just the bad words, not the 'idiots, stupid, etc...' ones. Lately, he's back to cussing with the F-words, etc...

He's slowly forgetting words. I know it's not funny (to him) but his favorite cuss word (thank goodness it's not the F-word!) is 'bastard.' Except he's forgotten the correct way of saying that word. So, despite his getting so angry and cussing me out, I can't help giggling every time he says it (which pisses him more because while he's getting mad at me, I'm giggling because it's so cute!)

So.... "Behave! You Bastid!"
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Mom told me yesterday that she had taken a bath recently (I'll have to confirm with the NH staff, she often tells me things that haven't happened!). I told her that must have been nice, because I knew it had been a long time since she'd been able to relax in a tub - she always has showers. I asked if they had to use the Hoyer lift to get her in, and she said no, she just walked in. (Again, have to check on that - I haven't seen any walk-in tubs!)

Then she said, "The bath was so nice! And everything just floats!" (This said while indicating the area of her chest....) ;-)
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"Is it tomorrow yet today?"
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My dad thinks that sneezing twice in a row is the best medicine for your body. He really hates it when he only sneezes one time and I sneeze twice. I would sneakily watch him when he sneezes the first time. His whole body goes still while he just lays there - waiting for that 2nd sneeze. Most times, it never happens.

Tonight, he just sneezed one time. He waited for a while. Then he muttered, "Why limited?" Just a few seconds after saying it, he sneezed hard the 2nd time. He cheered after that.
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Even before his stroke, my dad always did his best to avoid going to the clinic. He once had pneumonia but refused to go to the clinic/ER despite the pain. He finally caved in when he couldn't breathe periodically. Finally went to the ER and his left lung was nearly filled with fluid. That's just giving you an idea of how much he hates going to the doctor/clinic/ER.

I got a call from the Medical Transport about his appointment this Saturday. They needed directions to our house. Appointment? I had to call the Home Care office to find out that they have set up an appointment with the podiatrist. You see, for years, he's been complaining about his toenails and painful toes. He enjoys complaining to the home care nurses about his pain, and how Incompetent they are for not helping to relieve it. All weekend, he was lambasting them for not fixing his toes. I kept telling him that he needs to go to clinic for that.

So, they finally made the appointment with the podiatrist - without telling any of us. Whoopee. I get to be the one to break the bad news to him as soon as I got home, at 7:00pm.

After much going around about why there's an appointment for a foot specialist, there was silence.

He finally said, "My toes are not hurting anymore. It's fixed."

I asked suspiciously, "How was it fixed?"

He replied, "J cut the hole bigger on the shoe's toes (cloth zippered slipper). Now my toe is sticking out. See, no more pain. I will call tomorrow to tell them that my toes are okay and I don't need to go to the clinic."
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One of the funniest comments my Mom made was one time when she was in the hospital. You know those little plastic devices that connect the tubing. They are usually yellow. Well one of them had fallen off and my Mom put it to the side. When the doctor came in later to check my Mom's urine output. My Mom said in all seriousness thinking the doctor was looking for this plastic thing. "Oh are you looking for something yellow?"

We all had a good laugh. My Mom didn't know what we were laughing about but it was cute and funny.
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Doing a crossword with Mom and the clue was "What goes best with Chicken a la King?" Her answer: "Chicken a la Queen"
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It is not funny is it Book? It is really very sad how your dad, and my mom and all of those with dementia just plain do not understand and even if we try to explain something to them they just cannot process the information. And they become so angry over so many things because they do not understand. I guess that is why we all need to choose out battles, what is really worth raising someones anxiety over? We all fight so many battles through our lives, we need to learn there are just some that are not worth it.

Guess I woke up a bit philosophical this morning. Better go back to sleep.
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Not a funny story. But the logic behind his action.

I'm watching dad stuff napkins into his front pamper. He wears a catheter.
I asked him,"What are you doing?"
He replied, "The napkins to hold the pee."
I responded, "You don't need the napkins to hold the pee, that's what the pamper is for."
He said, "The pamper is not holding the pee."
I replied, "The reason the pamper is not holding the pee - is because you pulled down the pamper. It's no longer covering you up."
He replied, "I know what I'm doing!"

Yep, he knows what he's doing. He now has a large lump of paper napkins on his lower belly, below the 'bikini line'.
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Mom stayed up so long today, that she forgot what room was hers. I directed her to her room and she said I am so glad you didn't give me the blue one, this one is so much nicer. She has been in that room 6 years. I just hugged her and said 'Good night."
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After spending a day in the ER with my cousin and her broken arm, I called her the following day at her Memory Care unit to see how she was feeling. I said, "How is your arm?" She replied, "I don't know how they are doing, but, I'm just fine."
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Mother goes to Bingo twice a week There is an elderly gentleman (92) who is brought there by his daughter. He sat by my mother (86) and showed her some attention (I'm sure, just chatting) and when she told me about it, she said "Well, he's only after one thing!" I said "Your money? He's in for shock!" and she said 'No, he's just after S-E-X". I about fell on the floor, laughing. She was adamant that he was trolling the Sr Center for "chicks".
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I just asked daddy if he had made any New Years resolutions.
He answered, "No, I'm perfect."
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