What is the funniest thing your aging parent has said to you lately?

My MIL (vascular dementia) started hospice last week and wanted to talk to the chaplain. He had been told beforehand that she was a member of the Methodist Church. Now she is a showtimer and a bit of a pro at reading people and knowing when she had made an error by their reactions.

The chaplain asked her where she had gone to church. She replied "Church of Christ". She could tell by his reaction that her answer was incorrect. She gave it another try and immediately said, "I meant First Baptist". Still wrong by his expression. She tossed her head and said dismissively, "I change churches a lot".

Moved my mom to a dementia unit at a local nursing home on 4/25. It was very traumatic for all of us. She was transported from the hospital directly to the nursing home. After we got her to the unit, my brother and I were sitting with her trying to calm her down and explain why she was there. Across the room another resident of the unit started banging something on a table. My mother's back was to him, but she asked my brother what that noise was. He told her he didn't know but he thought someone was trying to fix something. The other resident stopped the noise. After a few minutes he started up again. My brother looked around my mom to see what was going on and my mom said "That person has a mental problem doesn't he." By brother said "No. I don't really know what's going on, I'm just looking around." And - mom said - "You better learn to lie better than that."

We had a few hours before a symphony concert so I took my mom to a very nice restaurant for happy hour -- half-priced appetizers and jazz -- but at the door she looked a bit startled, said "Is this a bar?" and when I said yes, she asked "Is it alright for a lady to go in unescorted?" The bartender overheard and said drily "It happens from time to time, ma'am."

This one is not about my Mom. I am a hairdresser and had a new customer with Dementia... I'm like a magnet to it now. Well the woman came with a friend of the family (FOF) an aide and her husband. My coworker gave me a heads up on the customers behavior, before I even saw her,, she heard her saying to the FOF
"why am I here, you know I don't like this, I'll get you for this, etc."
So luckily with my experience the first thing I did was greet her with a huge smile and told her that I was going to make her beautiful, so just relax and enjoy this it is your time, were going to have fun. Luckily I hit her good side and she was very pleasant to me. I colored her hair,waxed her facial hair, cut and styled her hair... she was with me for about 2 hours. Her husband got his haircut by another operator when he was waiting with the aide and the other woman I chatted with them for a bit because they seemed concerned that the wife was going to give me a hard time, I picked up on the fact that the hubby had dementia as well. I winked and said she;s fine I can handle it. I said to him I'm making your wife beautiful for you , he said "she looks better today than the day we married" I told the wife what he said, she rolled her eyes. It was cute.
Most of my co workers can't deal with people that have Dementia, can't imagine why? LOL ....
So we get all done, she looked great I said to the wife you need to go on a date with your husband you both are looking so good! She say's "With him, rolled her eyes again." Time to pay the bill ...he asked my boss at the register how much (my boss doesn't get the situation at all) he say's the price the hubby almost had a heart attack say's "WHAT????" "I can't afford that,"
The Wife say's ":THAT IS YOUR PROBLEM !!!" It was quite hysterical... we all busted a gut laughing. He was obviously thinking it was the 50's and she had no trouble telling him pay up buddy, I am worth it!
I wish I had a video camera .

Write these things down, sometime in the future we will want to remember them.

When my Mom was in hospice she dropped a piece of food on the table and I told her to leave it and don't pick it up and eat it. But she went ahead and picked it up and put it in her mouth. Then she said, "thank you Jesus for putting it in my mouth."

Taking my Mom on a little stroll yesterday. She's always saying hilarious things. This came to my mind as we were coming up the road towards our house, she saw my husband leaving in his truck. "Where is Bob going," she asked. "He has some errands to run," I replied. " What kind of errands?" (She always has to ask a million questions. :) I replied, "He's taking some elements to be fixed." "ELEPHANTS!,", she yelled. "What elephants, and why do they need fixing??" LOL. I thought I'd wet my pants before I got home.

When we saw mom this weekend we told her "your birthday is Fri, Mar 8." She asked "how old will I be'? I said 94 - she said "that's all - that's young - I thought I as closer to 100." 6 yrs difference? Oh well LOL!

During her 75th birthday party last April, Mom said "I want to have a baby." I almost choked on a pig's foot. I used to joke around and say that every year she took a step and a baby fell out.

In retrospect, all she really knows is how to be a wife and a mother. So I don't blame her. I told my grandkids to go sit on her lap for a while to quench her motherly instincts.

Yesterday I told mom it was time for a shower. She isn't happy with me on those days. She got in the bathroom and said "I am only five, my mom and dad won't be happy you are making me do this." Thought I'd go along with her. I said they had told me to help you do this. She got real stern looking and said "You know both of my parents are dead." I told her the only thing I knew was she would be taking a shower this morning. And she walked right into the shower.

Last week I was having dinner with Mom when there was a loud knock at her apt. door. It turned out that he was one of the bldg. cleaners acting as Super until they find a new one. It seems there was a leak in the heating system that was in danger of flooding the units below. Eventually after finding the source in Mom's living room wall (and much bailing on my part to prevent further damage to her carpet and flooding below) a very serious plumber arrived and proceeded to work on the pipes. Meanwhile I guess the Super has been checking the other units on that line because comes another knock at the door and it's the neighbour from the apt. above who walks in and asks Mom if his piano playing bothered her. She said no, because she plays herself. We don't know this guy at all. He goes to her piano, sits down and begins to play, saying her piano needs tuning. He continues playing, song after song, saying maybe the lower keys need tuning, then onto another piece. Meantime, (although I doubt if he heard her for his loud playing) Mom is saying, "Is he planning on staying the night?. When is this guy every going to leave?" and "Tell him to go home!" The weird thing is that the guy didn't acknowledge the plumber working right beside him, and the plumber never looked up or cracked a smile - even though I'm sure that the plumber who was closer to where Mom was sitting could hear her protesting - "Did you hear him insult my piano? I asked you to tell him to go home!" And the guy just played on and the plumber kept working. By now Temp Super is back (and Mom's little apt. seems to be shrinking) and he's standing there with a big grin on his face but says nothing, and the guy still doesn't stop playing and the plumber doesn't look up and I'm beginning to feel like this is a scene from The Twilight Zone. I leave to take some garbage to the chute (and to get away from the insanity because now I am beginning to get the giggles), and out comes the guy, walking rather quickly towards the elevator and looking red-faced. Apparently Mom wasn't waiting for me to do it - she told him to "GO HOME". Upon learning this I began to laugh so hard my stomach hurt, and then Mom saw the humour in the whole thing, and together we would only stop to catch our breath. then burst out laughing again. Then I realized that probably the guy could hear us because the vent grate was wide open and all the insulation had been removed! (Mom said she didn't care).

I give my mom one pill and 4 vitamins every morning. She doesn't like to take them. Some mornings she looks at them and says I just took them I don't want them again. I will say "That was yesterday." This morning she said "go get your camera and photograph me taking these, so you don't give them to me again today". Have to admit I was smiling at her request.

My mother is 84, has dementia. I just got back from her home giving her some meatloaf and sliced turkey deli meat. It has been usually warm here, in the mid 60's and warmer. Being in my mid 50's, I was wearing a light long sleeve shirt with a tank top under neath. My mother looked at me and said, "Are you expecting?" I said, "What do you mean?" She pointed to my stomache....LOL literally...I said, "I am in my 50's mom, I no longer have the body of a 20 year old." We both laughed...then she said, "Are you still with that man who was here earlier?" (My husband of 36 yrs. had been over earlier to help with taking down mom's vertical blinds for repair). I said, "Yes mom, I am still with him, going on 36 years now and we are not expecting anymore children." I laughed at the cuteness of her questions. Gotta love her!!

Two weeks before my father died, at 95, he failed to recognize my mother (for the very first time) when she arrived at the hospice one morning. She exclaimed, "I'm your wife, Caroline!" He looked at her carefully, and said, "Then I guess I'm a very lucky man."

I was talking to my Mom on the phone (she still lives alone with the beginnings of dementia and short-term memory loss) tonight to remind her to take some medicine. She had to turn around to get the medicine off the kitchen cupboard. She has horrible arthritis, so she moves very slowly. I asked if she had the medicine yet, and she said: "Just a minute, I have to turn around and I don't have anything on my feet but toes." We both laughed over that one.

Mom didn't want to take a shower the other day and said it is too chilly to take a shower. I said, No mom, we have a steam shower, you will be nice and toasty. Then she said I can't today because it is my time of the month. She is 93.

I couldn't wait to tell you one. I was visiting Mom today and it was sweating (mild exercising mostly...arms) and singing to the oldies time. So during this a man was just wheeled in from his return from the rehab that is downstairs. And the activities girl said "welcome James, and said we are just about to sing." The man looked at her and smiled. It is kind of funny because I have no prejudice but I first noticed that the man had a band-aid holding his glasses together in the middle on the bridge of his nose, my first thought was AWWW he looks like a nerd. Well.... Mom must of thought the same thing.. So then the Activities girl said to him "How about let me call you sweetheart?.."James" meaning the song title ... Mom looks at me and whispered
"Yeah Right...HELLO!!!" then giggled. I knew at her comment she was thinking the same thing I did about him... looking like a nerd... but she thought the girl was calling him a sweetheart. I really wish I could video this stuff it's much better in an eye witness view.

Check this out...

When i was applying for Medicaid for Mom she had an accordion folder with all of her information init...labeled A to Z.

I was looking for her Social Security card and couldn't find it.

After all, if you were looking for a Social Security card, wouldn't you look under the "S" folder? [punch line coming]

When I told her it wasn't there she took the folder from me and immediately found it...under the "I" folder.

I asked her why the "S"ocial Security card was under the "I" folder.

Her answer...drum roll please...

Because it was "I"mportant!!!

Under that logic shouldn't the entire accordion folder have been labeled important?

Sometimes I ask my Mom, why do you give me a hard time (doing things for the other siblings like walking, getting her self up, moving around, etc) she says, because it's funny! I can't help but laugh......of course, they do call me (the primary caregiver, the "enabler"!!! LOL

Mom said a funny today!!! She has refused getting a haircut since she's been a resident at the NH. I was her a hairdresser prior to her admittance. When I was caring for her she was getting her hair done 3 times a week. She has really nice hair too ,wavy but not frizzy. She was a redhead (tinted) but now it's really long and white,Silky and Shiny . Today it was brushed nice and in a Pony Tail to the side hanging over her shoulder. I said your hair is so beautiful and out of hairdresser habit I wanted to touch it. So I lifted the pony tail and ran my hand down to the end. Then... I thought OMG she's going to get angry....when I do things such as this, she usually snaps at me and off she goes, unless I ask her permission first. She didn't seem to mind today, but I said "It feels like my cats tail when I pet his tail." So then I said "do you mind if I pet your tail?" She laugh and said "Oh that sounds Naughty" (think she meant it in a Sexy way) Then Marie Osmond came on TV diet commercial, and to Mom, it looked like she was talking directly to us, I could see how she thought that because of the way the commercial has Marie talking as if you are with her in the same room. So Mom say's she heard you say that. I said "say What? that I wanted to pet your tall!" Mom chuckled again and said "Yes (pointed to the TV) she didn't like it but I still think it sounds funny.!!"

I'm loving all these stories but... marthaf I think your Mama is going to get herself a free ticket for making that comment!!! I truely lmao

I love you, you saved my life after she dug her nails into my arm and then told me she hated me. This was funny

Caring for my dad can be humorous sometimes. Tonight I took laundry, and a ring he asked for to the NH. I was about to leave when he wanted to tell me one more thing (he does that a lot). He says (he looked so sincere), "I understand you so much more now that I have the same memory problem as you do, this must be so hard on mom for us both to be so forgetful!" I agreed with him, 29 with Alzheimers.

Sitting in the living room with kids and GrMa-in her big chair... GrMa is fidgetting and leaning over.....
G: Hey GrMa, what are you trying to do?
GrMa: Push the button. {doorbell button so we know she wants something = "call button"}
Me: Well, mom we are all right here. You can just say "Hey J" and then tell me what you need.
GrMa: O.K...... Hey, J! Will you come over here and push this button.

Sitting and watching the movie "Only You" with Marisa Tomei and Robert Downey Jr, set mostly in Italy.....when mom (who was dozing in her rocking chair) heard the singer in a ristorante, she surfaced just long enough to murmur "Does everyone overseas think they can sing?" ...then promptly went back to sleep.

This question needs to be one of the buttons up at the top. I have laughed and laughed. We all need stress relievers and this is great. I have saved some for when I have a bad day.
Once my grandmother, a minister's wife, was in the hospital for a lung infection. Because she had really bad dementia at that time, they ended up putting her in a lock down floor to keep her from wandering out of the hospital. We went to see her and she was telling us that she was at a women's church convention. Because it does no good to try to convince them otherwise, we just went along with it. A few minutes later she wanted to walk down the hall to the TV room. We all went out into the hall and walking in front of us was a woman with a hospital gown on. Her rear was out for the whole world to see. Mom never blinked an eye. It struck me as really funny that my grandmother thought she was at a church women's convention, but that the sight of this woman's rear never even registered with her.

My mom is 92 years old in early stage dementia. The other day we were talking on the telephone. We both hung up. A minute later, she called me again and when I said "Hello." She said "P.S.". I said "What?" She said "Post Script. I have something else to tell you."

mom went around today wishing everyone Merry Christmas. Everyone was so good natured about it.

my mother was in the hospital with a heart attack and heavily sedated for 6 days. occasionally she would come around enough to ask a question or two. once she looked at the people on her right and pointed at me on her left side and asked if this is jesus. i kinda looked the part with the long beard and bandana that could have resembled a halo. i could have had a little fun with that but she passed out again. i usedta have a female friend who was really preppy and do goody. i always called her " hor " to my mom and son. when id go into moms room and tell her me and hor were goin bike ridin for a while, mom never failed to bust a gut laughing. mom said wed probably get along better if id stop calling her hor. no deal !!

My Mom who has AZ and is in a NH, told me yesterday to go home, so she could take a nap! I usually sit with her till she goes to sleep and then leave, but she was having none of that yesterday. That's my Momma