What is the funniest thing your aging parent has said to you lately?

Everyday for two months I have been putting a medicine patch for dementia on my mother-in-law's chest. And everyday she asks "what's this for?" I tell her "it's to help your memory." Today she asked "what's this for?"..."to help your memory." She then said "well you better put two on because one isn't helping!"

My grandmother with Alzheimer's Disease was at Mom's house celebrating her 85th birthday. I asked grandma, "How old are you today, Grandma?" She thought about it and replied haltingly, "OH, six or seven." I told her, "Grandma, today you are 85 years old. My prim and proper grandmother who has never uttered a cuss word in her life, said loudly, but with good humor, "Damn!" I told her that's what I'm going to say when I turn 85.

My father has been having problem staying asleep at night. He complains that he's up wide awake by 4am. He was constantly complaining about this.

Then one day, he found the problem:
"I know why I cannot sleep at night. It's because my eyes are wide open."

Sometimes finding activities to keep my mother, who has Alzheimer's, mentally and physically active is a challenge. One day, while passing through an area of my parent's retirement home, I noticed a pool table. Knowing that she could not play the conventional way, I showed her that she could roll the balls into the pockets, and she really got into it, as I pointed out which pocket to which she should attempt to reach.

The next day, she came to me all excited, but a little confused. She said that my dad had stopped by that same pool table and, "He didn't play like we did. He used a looooong stick."

My Dad is nearly deaf,
Dad "What's that"
me " Peg is coming at 4"
Dad What's that"
me louder "Peg is coming at 4"
Dad "I can't hear you"
me louder still" Peg is coming at 4"
Dad "stop shouting at me"

Mom and I were chatting with a friend and something was said that was "TMI"
My Mom then informed our friend that SHE invented the term ! We laughed a while on that one.

My mom has Alzheimer's Disease, recently she has been asking how old she is and what year she was born. I counted with my fingers in 10's. She said 84!! That is old enough!!! We all laughed telling mom, no more birthdays for you!

That is sweet, Dogtherapy! . Sorry for your loss. (((( hugs)))).

My Mom , who has vascular dementia from a brain stem stroke and can barely talk now, surprised me last month while on vacation. We were listening to music and I asked her who her favorite musician was -not really thinking she could give me a very good answer but hoping anyway-- and , no kidding, she whispered Pat Benetar!! I almost spit my beer out! I love Pat!!! I high fived her - and she me- I think it is because she used to Jazzercise a lot in the 80's and 90's! But after all these years I still learn something new about my Mom. "She's a real tough cookie with a long history......"hee hee

Our dad passed June 21st of this year. We are still coping. This question is wonderful, it helped me remember some of the funny times over the 6 years he lived with me. I've just pushed everything way back so this question is good for me. Our dad was a foreman at Ford for many years. We tried many times to get him to do little household chores but with his not remembering how to do things added with the notion that it's "woman stuff," he would decline. One time when I asked him to unload the dishwasher, he said, “who normally does that?” And then, “I’ll assign the most capable person to do it.” Once a foreman, always a foreman.
Miss you and love you, dad.

While riding home on a particularly long ride, she was dozing off in her seat. She opened her eyes and said, " I am sorry I keep dozing off on you." I replied, "That's fine, just sleep if you are tired. I didn't even notice really." She said, "Yes, you did. I saw you looking at me." I asked, "How did you see me looking at you if you were sleeping?" With a matter of fact look and a few seconds of silence she said, "Never mind, I wasn't dozing. Just get me an ice cream sandwich."

During a short stay in a nursing home, I went to visit my Mom. She wasn't in her room but I found her in the dining hall holding hands with one of the male residents. The staff told me later that my Mom made the first move....My Mom is 80 and has AD. We had a good chuckle!!

Oh, shoot... I have another one from my grandma.

We were at her assisted living place, and she never had any idea what was on TV unless it was Andy Griffith or Murder She Wrote. She was always trying to find "Andy of Mayberry", even if it was 4 in the morning and she had on the Spanish channel.

One day we were over there, and a Viagra commercial was on. It was a happy couple running around on the beach and all of that. And of course, the announcer was talking about erections lasting more than 4 hours...

She said, "Well I don't know what I've got on the TV here. Oh! This must be the basketball game!"

So now every time I see a viagra commercial, I say, "Oh, the basketball game is on!"

Another time, we watched M*A*S*H over there, and my grandma said, "Oh, this is that awful show with that man who dresses like a lady! I've always hated this show!" But then a few minutes later, she was enjoying it immensely.

My grandmother lived through World War II, was an army wife, all that. When we came down to her house right before she went into assisted living, she said some pretty funny things.

We came to her house to find her packing so she could "get on the train". She had filled her suitcase with important things like underwear and... more underwear... and then... all her underwear. The entire drawer's worth of underwear. And a quart of milk.

And then a few minutes later, she looked right at me and said, "Are there (Japanese people) in my kitchen?!" Of course she did not say "Japanese people", she used a different term. She was livid. She was going to tell those people to get out of her kitchen! We assured her that that wouldn't be necessary... I'm not sure she believed us.

She also once told us this amazing story about her "friend", Jenny, who as far as I know didn't exist. "Jenny" apparently tried to climb a tree, "but they shot her. I saw it, right out this window. I spoke at her funeral, we just had it a little while ago in the dining room." No matter how many times we went to see her, she was always happy to tell us about Jenny and her funeral that had just happened that same day.

Since my Mother has advanced dementia and cannot walk or talk except for a word here and there, I appreciate it when she struggles to answer.:(((
Yesterday, I told her my ( absent, non participative, selfish) sister and (helpless except to light the cigarette and open the can of beer) brother would each be coming to town for a visit and won't that be nice? She got an indignant look on her face--which is also difficult for her to do now-- and roared, in her inimitable Leo fashion : NO!! Heaved a big sigh, closed her eyes and let me continue feeding her a nice fresh peach.
Ah, it is more ironic than funny, but satisfying, doncha think?

My mom had a dirty Kleenex in her hand and I said, "Mom you need to throw that away." She looked at me and said, "What do you think I was going to do, keep it?"

I was at my Mom's nursing home one day and they were watching JFK giving a speech "1960's" I said to Mom do you know that guy? she looked at me as if I were mindless and said "yes of course the president" ... "he so handsome" "now shut the heck up he's talking" LOL enjoy memories such as this!!!

I am a professional softball coach. We went to visit my aunt at a facility, after she had suffered a stroke. She had a black eye and we inquired as to what had happened. She said to me 'Well, you were there!" This was news to me. She said that we were at a Cubs game and a foul ball hit her. When I began to object, she said "It was in the paper!"

I leave the light on in the bathroom for mom. She goes in and shuts the light off to save money, leaves the water running. Then shuts the door when she goes out. She was almost crying in the hall the other day because that person wouldn't come out of the bathroom. No one was in there, she had just shut the door.

My husband and I were going to an H &R Block to do our taxes. I said to my MIL, we are going to have our taxes done. She gasped and replied "You're going to have your tonsils out?"
Another instance overheard between mom & pop in law..... dad: look out the window.
Mom: WHAT?
Dad: It looks like sleet.
Mom: What?
Dad: (he spells it) S L E E E T. Sleet!
MOM: You spell sleet S L E E T. That's how it's spelled. Why do you want to know? (She has not looked out the window)

My 83 yr. old Mom w/ Dementia now feels people on TV are watching her. I had gone to get groceries one day, got back to find her in tears. She was so sorry she missed winning us all that money on Wheel Of Fortune because she missed the answer. ow

So appreciative of this site, allows us to vent @ relate w/ other caregivers. Got the burnout bad, about to go nuts, but love my Momma @ promised Dad on his deathbed that I'd take care of Mom - don't you worry. 5 + yrs. now, no job, no social life, 56 yrs. old @ not building up SS for myself. What to do?

It's not what my mother told me...it's what she did. Mom is living in AL..due to Alzheimer's and being mentally incapacitated. She was packing her belongings on her 3rd day there telling them so was going home. She couldn't find her partial plates so the aide told her, "You can't leave with your teeth". Mom agreed. Later the aide found mom's partials soaking in her coffee maker!!!!!

My 83 yr. old Mom w/ Dementia now feels people on TV are watching her. I had gone to get groceries one day, got back to find her in tears. She was so sorry she missed winning us all that money on Wheel Of Fortune because she missed the answer. Most women on TV are now my sister. Whatever evil is happening is right outside the front door.

Haha-was she saying the b word or the p word or the c word or nuts? Sorry I have to know!

BTW- I just now saw your suggestion--"My ostrich does not rap". HAHAHAHAHA I guess that could be it because I doubt that , were she to have an ostrich, it would, indeed, not rap!
I did not ask her what she meant because she is a bit sensitive about her decrease in mental capabilities. She understands that she is losing skills and she hates it. --sorry not funny, I know. Not funny at all. But my ostrich does not rap is!!!! :0)

Here's another one...every five or six weeks a hairdresser comes to give MIL a trim and put a little color and curl in her hair. She's a sweet, kind, very down-to-earth woman in her late thirties and has known MIL for years. A couple of months ago she arrived at the appointed time and found MIL out on her sun porch attempting to open one of the sliding glass doors. "Can I help?" she asked.
"Yuh," MIL replied, "open this door if you would and throw a handful of (male body part)'s out onto the deck for the squirrels."
Not sure she heard correctly, the hairdresser leaned in a little closer and said, "I'm sorry...a handful of what?"
"(male body parts)!" said MIL. "There on the table...in the bag."
The hairdresser looked where MIL was pointing. "Oh!...PEANUTS!!"
Now whether MIL was actually using the incorrect word (which she does sometimes) or just not enunciating clearly we'll never know, but it sure rocked the hairdresser back on her heels for a few seconds!

"my ostrich does not rap"....?

Indeed, yaya, a perfect example , maybe, of a Freudian slip.

Liking the funny stories on here. My mom sent me an email it said-" my outrich does not wrap". any ideas anyone?

Ha...just noticed a typo in that last post. Meant to say "a little over two Years ago" and wrote "tears" instead....Freudian slip?

A little over two tears ago my MIL broke a hip and required a full replacement. Fortunately she recovered nicely. We teased her afterward (in a cautionary way) saying she'd best be more careful from now on - if she was to fall again and break her other hip we might have to start calling her the "Bionic Woman". At the time she thought her great-grandson Tyler (11) would be some impressed by that.
Fast forward to present: she took another tumble yesterday morning, from her wheelchair this time. She insisted she was fine and continued on with her day, but by suppertime she was beginning to show signs of discomfort. By this morning she was in pain - so much that she couldn't even sit up. She asked if I thought she might have gone and broken her other hip. I told her the only way to find out for sure was to get it x-rayed, but she'd be wise to prepare herself for that possibility. She sighed heavily, thought for a few seconds, then said. "Well Tyler will be happy to find out his great-gram is antibiotic." :0
Good news - her x-rays revealed no broken bones. Bad news (for her) - the doctor wanted to keep her overnight...hinted at a possible few days in rehab as well. Best news - hubby and I get a brief respite! :)))

The stories in here are great. It is great to have a laugh when you are a caregiver. The other day I took mom to her primary care doctor for a follow-up. When asked how she was doing by the receptionist how she was. My mom said that she is just an old bitch. To which I said see what happens when you watch the Hallmark Channel all the time. Everyone got a good laugh at that and so did Mom.