What is the funniest thing your aging parent has said to you lately?

Decided to have tacos for a late night snack at mom's memory care tonight and picked up a box from a local stand that's been around for almost as long as me

Mom has a little trouble chewing meat and pulls out a piece of the shredded beef and says look - there's a worm in my taco 🐛🌮

Dad is always hungry... and forgetful. Lately, he's been saying that we're starving him or that he didn't eat dinner yet. My niece was here when the nurse did their home visit.

Dad said to the nurse, "I'm hungry and she's not giving me food."
Nurse response, "You're not being fed?"
Dad totally said yes to that question.
During that conversation, the nurse had raised her eyebrows and was looking at the food dad was holding.

Mom's can be seemingly so sweet and innocent and then in a moment be a kick in the pants! We were all standing out in front on a lawn covered levi at Easter one year and we all were lined up for a photo, my sister pressed the trigger to run back to be line-up... and what does my mom say in line-up at that moment...no, 'not say cheese' but...NOBODY STEP IN THE DOG SH#$! We all fell out laughing so hard... apparently the retrievers next door had been taking care of biz earlier.

I've been noticing lately that dad gets more confused when it's late at night or early morning. Out of the blue, he asked, "What time does school start?" I was trying to figure out how to respond, when he asked the question again. So, I said that I don't know when it starts.

A brief pause. Then he stated firmly, "I'm not going to school tomorrow."
I said, "Okay."

Bookluvr
It used to drive me bonkers when my mom would talk nonstop
Since she is hard of hearing she would often sit in one room and call out my name but couldn't hear when I would reply - what?
So I would have to stop what I was doing and go see what she wanted with her usually saying - I just wanted to know where you were 🙄

Last year around this time we took our last road trip from so cal to Vegas -
5 hours or more depending on traffic and rest stops
Whether she was excited to get out of the house or prescient that this would be her last trip (she had a bad fall 2 weeks later) she yacked the whole way there - finally noting - gee I talk a lot - I'm good company - aren't I?

We had some left over linoleum from our recent flooring update so I put some on the work benches in my wife's barn. Made a nice work surface. I was talking to Dad on the phone and I'm always trying to find some conversation (Dads 86 with dementia coming on more each year) other than having the same conversation over and over, so I told him about putting the linoleum in J A's barn. He replied, "So you moving her in down there, huh....Don't blame ya". Still a wise-ass!

Dad's been nonstop talking. He's been 'trying' to sleep since 10:00pm but his mouth is not cooperating. It's now 12:41am. Suddenly, he angrily yelled, "Shut up! I'm trying to sleep!"

I sleep on couch in mom's living room and take care of her 24/7. Sometimes she calls me on my cell from her bedroom saying "I figure you you wouldn't have to walk so far" she lives in a small apt, it's about 6 ft to her bedroom!!

My dad is at the repetitive stage. He talks non-stop with the same subject over and over. I've learned to tune him out. His latest thing is that someone in the bank is stealing his money. Or some strange man is taking his hidden money in the house. Tonight, he's including how hungry he is - even when sis and I already gave him sustenance. He's now back to the bank stealing his money. You get the gist. It's a vicious circle of the same subjects, over and over, for weeks now.

I suddenly tuned into his mumblings....
Dad,"...mumble, mumble, bank stealing my money... hungry... hey!.. hungry.... hey!..."
In frustration, he said loudly, "I want to go home!...aye yai yai! I AM home!"

At my mom's 93rd birthday dinner she asked how old she was - when I told her 93 she said she couldn't possibly be that old
So I turned to my brother and asked her how old she thought he was?
She said in his 50s - I said guess again
When he today her he was 73 - she said "good god you're almost 3/4 of a century!" 🙀🙀🙀🙀🙀

Lol, Cwillie, she is funny!
Do you think she wants some of he trick or treat candy?

Mom's been calling me a lot today but as usual when I go to her she doesn't know what she wants. Finally I said "OK, I'll wave my magic wand to make you happy" and waved my arm around. Mom says "did it work?" (sigh)

I'm struggling to stop the late night snacking... and failing miserably .. either due to hungry tummy or hunger pangs. I just finished changing dad's pamper, 10:00pm. I exclaimed, "I'm hungry!" ..PS, I always fall for this! And I never learn my lesson! Except this time, dad deviated from his usual response.

I exclaimed, "I'm hungry!"
Dad asked seriously, "You're hungry?"
I replied, "yes."
Dad asked seriously, "When did you change your name?"
I paused...huh?... Ohhhhh. He got me again!

My mother, who has been a real pill in the past, has suffered several small strokes and had a few falls recently. She's definitely on the "decline"....so I am trying to be more helpful and supportive to her.
Yesterday, I was helping her with Christmas ideas (!) but I am doing all hers, so I want to get a jump on it. I REALLY wanted to clean, but she won't let me do that anymore, so her place is a disaster.
While we were talking, I was just staring off into space, but she thought I was looking at her countertops, which are filthy and covered in junk. She said "You KNOW that I am leaving this mess behind so you can come in and curse at me for leaving so much junk behind." I laughed and said "Mom, I will clean your place out in an hour. Don't try to hoard more junk on my account."
As I was leaving, mailman pulls up--she "races" to the door to see him (he graciously hands her the mail, although this is a rural type mail service and she is supposed to get mail in the street box) She hands this poor, sweet man 2 Hersheys kisses and says "Here's your kisses for the day". She's positively simpering over this man. He's so kind....and I have witnessed this so often I am not even embarrassed by it.

Mom came out for breakfast yesterday and commented. "Your hotel has the best coffee!" "I love it." A bit later she comment how good the scrambled eggs are. She said "Thank you, Miss." Made me smile, I finally did something right.

The other day my Mom who has dementia was watching tv, my husband turned it to the olympics and a girl on the tv waved. My mom says "I hope she isn't mad that I didn't wave back". she sometimes thinks the people on tv can see her.

After trying explain to my mother-in-law the reasons for, and the logistics of an upcoming doctor appointment, she grew very quiet out of anger and frustration. A few minutes later she says "You talk backwards and upside-down! It's either 'yes' or 'not no'!"
Humor and grammar gaffes are beyond her now, so I hid my smile and replied simply "you're right, Mom. You're right."

My mom told me she got married two days before....then giggled like a little schoolgirl. She also told me that her 'husband' was very jealous if she talked to any other man. I just went along with her and her unseen new 'spouse' because, honestly, her previous personality was so disagreeable that it is now nice to see her happy!

Ok then! If nothing else good happens all day, at least we have humor.
Phoenix, every family should have one of your Mum. Lol.

From now on, just tell yourself you need this funny material for the successful book you are going to write, and make a zillion copies on the best seller list.!!

Took Mum to the docs today - its been a bad day - she told me she wanted to die because that would make me happy and she didn't say it in any kind sort of way it was absolutely nasty. Bearing in mind I found out today that my ex has probably got less than a year to live I wasn't in a good place and I am sorry I lost it and was nasty back calling her a selfish nasty b$t^h which I know I shouldn't have done.

So tonight we get to the doctor, I told the doctor what I had done and why so I then sat away from them behind a curtain while the doc spoke to Mum. This was not a good time I felt like poo until I heard this:

How did you feel when your daughter called you names?
I wanted a number 2
So your daughter upset you when she called you names?
My daughter calls me Mum
Yes but today when she was angry?...
Oh she's always angry...but don't blame her its my fault.....
Why do you say its your fault?
Well I never wanted to adopt her ...I hate girls...and I don't like you either
Why don't you like me?
Well girls shouldn't be doctors - you should know your place
So getting back to earlier today what happened?
I had soup
Erm I meant when you were having a shower
I never had a shower we have a bath you talk rubbish can we go home now officer?

At that point I know that whatever I said never penetrated

Got mom her shower today and did her hair. I got the tweezers to take the hairs off her chin. She hollered, swore at me, made a fist as I pulled them. After, I gave her the mirror. The she said "Oh, thank you!"

My mother, when I found her distinctive raincoat with the pockets stuffed with mixed nuts (how appropriate) and some coins in preparation for running away from her assisted living home said: "No, that's not my coat. Somebody put it in here."
Really? Really??

Thunder, I laughed aloud at your post. It brought back memories of the first time I took a photo of bedridden father. When I showed it to him, he said, "That's me? That's not me! I'm not That old!" He got so upset about it. And went on and on about it.

So I quickly put on his sunglasses and took his photo- several ones. Then I chose the best looking one and showed it to him while complimenting how handsome he looks with his sunglasses. It took a while but he finally agreed he looked "sharp". I've learned since then to be very careful of what photos to show him.

I've reread your post and still got a chuckle from it.

Awww bless him

Gotta laugh, or we would all go insane!

scene:

Joan wafer thin and quite hard of hearing finds following a conversation a bit difficult

Mum not so thin and also cannot follow a conversation

Mum- HELLO ITS NICE TO SEE YOU

You’ve put on weight

SHES ON A DIET (LAUGHS)
No You you have put on weight

OH IM NOT ON A DIET JUST JUDITH

I Have Oak meals
DO YOU GET YOUR MEALS DELIVERED?

oh no the carer gets me a pint every other day

NO NO THE MEALS DO YOU GET YOUR MEALS DELIVERED
The carer gets my milk not my meals

BUT YOUR MEALS ARE THEY DELIVERED
Yes every week

ARE THEY FROZEN OR CHILLED?
No

Are they fresh?
Yes I have skimmed

So I was giving Her Majesty her medicine.
I took her blood sugar, and she thought I was trying to give her insulin. When I gave her the insulin needle, she got mad because she thought that I'd just given her insulin, and she jammed the needle down onto the table and bent it down. I fixed it for her and gave it to her, and she put it in the little container we throw away the used needles in. By now of course, she thought she'd taken her insulin instead of throwing away a full needle. I finally got her to take it. Then I gave her her pills. She said she didn't trust me, and that she wasn't taking them.
I said, "Fine, you're not hurting anyone but yourself." I looked away for a second and then looked back and saw that she had them hidden in her fist. I said, "Did you take them?"
She said, "Yes."
I said, "Show me your hands."
Here's where it gets funny/pathetic. She opened the hand that didn't have the pills (her left hand). I said, "Show me your other hand."
She hastily tried to transfer the pills to her left hand, but one dropped out. It was just so ridiculous and childish ... gahhh. After that she took the pills, but boy ... we have a routine, I don't know why in the world she acts like this.
It's not like I changed up the routine or did something out of the ordinary. Ugh.

Tonight, my dad looked at me and said, "I like K." I was confused since he was telling me that he likes me - yet instead of saying "you", he said my name, "K." So I repeated back to him, "You like K?" He said yes. I asked why does he like K? He said, "K is very good to me." I just didn't know how to respond to this.

So, I asked him, "Do you know who I am?" He looked at me with a confused look and shook his head. I asked, "You really don't know who I am? I'm K." He gave me this very blank look.

Then he said after a long pause and apologetically, "I'm very forgetful." He kept saying it over and over but I can tell from his eyes that he still couldn't connect me to the person K. Oh well, I took this as a compliment and it sure made my day! Especially since he never tells it to me in my face that he likes me and appreciates what I've been doing for him.

Oops.... he just looked at me and said, "I need a shave. Can you shave me? You, who are you?" I guess, he still doesn't remember me - from 2 hours ago....

Bumping for a newbie who sounds like she could use a laugh!

My dad's stories have changed a lot from the reality. As a civilian warehouse man for the navy, he retired early so that he can caregive mom full time. Tonight, he's on the roll with his reality.

"People are so surprise when they find out that I'm a federal agent." .. Really? A federal agent?