What is the funniest thing your aging parent has said to you lately?

My dad called saying he couldn't walk ; he couldn't even put weight on his legs. His legs wouldn't move. I said punch your nurse button (he's in ALF). He said he had and nobody came. I said "where are you now?" he said still in bed, he couldn't get up. When I got to his door, it was open and he was fully clothed in his chair. I said oh, so you better? He said "well, they worked for a few minutes but now they dont work again". I told him the story about hiney-penny and the sky falling.....Okay so it wasn't so funny. but you gotta try to see the humor or you could go crazy.....

A few weeks ago, my mother in law pressed the call button in the middle of the night. Hubby and I jumped out of bed and went to see what was needed. I had shortie PJs on, and no bra due to rushing downstairs and forgot to grab my robe. My father-in-law had started wandering in the middle of the night, and was sitting at the table in the dark. It startled me to see him there, and as I passed by him, he said, "don't worry, I'm not going to grab you or anything". I said, "I know you aren't". Then he said, "I probably wouldn't know what to do with that much, anyway." My MIL has always worn a 32-34A bra, and literally has nothing up top. My husband and I cracked up, and I reminded him to stop me if I ever went downstairs without a bra again! I have also taken to sleeping in a comfort bra!

Another one is that my father-in-law asked my husband last night if he was his husband!

I'm doing the last pamper change for the day, since it's bedtime. I knew it was going to be yucky because the "aroma" was wafting in the air. As I untaped the pamper, slowly picked up the top half of the pamper to peek inside. It was as bad as I thought.

Father was also looking down. He said, "Ew! Is that poop! It stinks!"
I replied, "Yep, it sure does!!!"

We were working on the Physician's Directive. Mom said, "I don't want to be on life support or resuscitated, but I wish they'd try just one more time."

I didn't find it funny, but yesterday I dressed up in a nice skirt and blouse, for my mom's birthday party. I am normally in jeans. I was happy to be looking nice. Mother said " what are you dressed up tp represent?". She is 95.

Mom and I were asked to sign a Birthday card to another lady living in my parent's retirement home. After signing it, I asked my mother if she would also like to sign it. When she finished, I took it to hand it back to the lady and noticed that my mother signed it, "Love, Grandma Doty."

I bought 3 big concrete or cement seagulls at an estate sale. These are the kind you can hang on a house. My mother saw them lying on the floor of her garage and asked, "They weren't alive at one point, were they?"

Yes this really made me laugh I have been going through a rough time!!! Thank you all so much!!

That is too funny BoniChak!

This morning Mom said " Wow, that Airplane sounds close!"
I responded......'It IS close, It's the DISHWASHER!"

This isn't quite on-topic as it's something she did not said, but I have to tell someone.

Yesterday, I took Mom for what is called a Light Field test. The test subject stares at a fixed spot and lights flash all around the peripheral area. The subject is supposed to click a button each time they see a light flash. But Mom couldn't wait and started clicking like a wild maniac. Here's the exchange between her and the tech doing the test.

Mom: (clickity clickity clickity clickity clickity ...)
Tech: You don't have to click until the test starts.
(Mom stops clicking)
(tech adjusts the headrest)
Mom: (clickity clickity clickity clickity clickity ...)
Tech: No, not yet.
(Mom stops clicking)
(tech adjusts the light)
Mom: (clickity clickity clickity clickity clickity ...)
Tech: No, not yet.
(Mom stops clicking)
(tech does something else)
Mom: (clickity clickity clickity clickity clickity ...)

You get the idea. It was hysterical. I'm glad it was dark in there because I couldn't keep a straight face. A couple times, I did the old cough-to-hide-the-laugh-thing. I can't believe I held it together through that. It was the funniest thing I've seen in ages -- it could have been a comedy skit.

My Aunt has short term memory loss. She fell and I asked her if she was alright, and she said, no, I knocked my brains out.
Then later, she told me she'd lost her marbles, and if I found them, I was to give them back.

In the car today a song came on the radio, Lynyrd Skynyrd's "Free Bird." Mom was making comments every now and then....she grew up listening to 50's music, not 70's......anyways, towards the end of the song there is a lot of fast guitar playing......finally she says "Free Bird?" (she was questioning the title) "Sounds like they're choking it to death." I started laughing and she's looking at me saying "what's so funny?" I said "you." Then she started laughing with me.....funny moment........

Took mom to Ihop today for the pancakes. Told the waitress 2 stacks of pancakes and two coffees. The waitress checked and said the same thing to make sure she got it right. All of a sudden my mom said loudly, I am not a prostitute! She didn't hear pancake right.

Mom can get very nasty verbally sometimes. One day I was trying to make her take her morning meds. She goat angry and called me an A$$----. She looked down at her pills and then at me and said " Did your parents really name you that ? "

I accompanied my parents to the local policemen's ball. It was buffet style (everyone dishes their own food), and we went through the line without any problem, but when we got back to the table, my mother only took about four bites before she began glaring at the food like it was the enemy. I asked her what was wrong and she said, "It's ridiculous that they force all this food on us. It's way too much to eat."

This last week I got to see my mom after eight months. She was in her wheel chair and I stood in front of her and started singing and swaying my body. She went to get up and I assisted her. I kept singing and swaying now with her. She stopped and said nice boobs. This has been the last thing she has said to me so far. It was great I laughted. My mom has always had nicer boobs and said while an adult she didnt know what happened to me that I didnt get the nice boobs she had. I do now. smile.

Mom and I went to the bank to open her new account in her new city. She stopped to say she had a question:
"My daughter knows all these things to do (changing address, getting a new bank, etc...). I don't know all this. If I didn't do this, could I be arrested?"

The banker and I both responded that that wasn't going to happen. I added that the state probably didn't watch for people to sneak-in from other states all that closely. Mom didn't seemed especially worried, more curious, I think. I wonder if she was hoping for a little excitement? Who knows...

Mum said we dont need a cleaner as youre here doing nothing??? i know GRRRRR "brown paper bag and breath".

A family fun day was scheduled at the long term care center where my father in law is staying. Dementia has changed his mood and demeanor. But, he was so excited that family could come and eat with him. We got excited too and were looking forward to dining with him and conversing. We got him through the cafeteria line and helped him settle in at the table while we went to get our plates of food. We got back to the table and he was already finishing eating. He wiped his face, pushed away from the table and wheeled off. I guess eating with him meant just that. Eating. And now he was done. So, he left. I hadn't even taken my first bite. Sometimes, you just have to laugh.

Our son had flown in for a visit and our daughters 2 youngest kids were here...7&9...we were sitting at the table eating dinner when MIL (91) said her napkin was wet (used it to wipe her nose) handed her another which she used for the same thing then turned to me and said I have something for you and put the dirty napkins in my dinner plate at which point she said "I hope you are finished eating"...to which I replied "I am now"...son and grandkids thought the whole thing was pretty funny...

I took my mom to the ER a couple of weeks ago for low blood pressure. She was receiving intravenous fluids in her right arm and a blood pressure cuff was on her left arm. She asked a few times what everything was for and I answered her each time. Finally she said (because it hurt to bend her right arm and the blood pressure cuff was tight on her left arm when it took a reading) "If there's nothing wrong with me now there will be before I leave." Cracked me up........ :)

You used to be cute.

The house where my mom and I live is situated in a similar way as a former house she lived in. In the beginning she would just walk out of the house to go to visit her friend. Mom believes it is just about crossing the street and walk into a road and turn left and she is there. Quickly shutting up the house to run out and catch up with her as she will get lost. Several times she did not find it. But I am to blame, because I walked all over the place except straight to the friend. I offered to let her lead a next time. We walked for almost two hours, passing other neighbourhoods far away. Nothing could get her to turn back. I said to her eventually, Mommy you wanted to visit your friend. She answered, Yes, but I am not going to visit her any more. But we left the house with that intention, I said. Mom said, Yes I wanted to visit her, but I am not going again. My sister calls this selective Alzheimer's.

Mom loves to fold washed laundry. And she has a drive: to roll clothes items into one another. And also while folding put away some. Almost a year later I found some of my underwear rolled in items that are no longer used and one in her suitcase. All those months I had been wondering why I had less undies.

I was talking about someone who had cooked beans in a full pot of water and afterwards poured the water down the drain. She served the beans for dinner.
My 84 year old mom with Alzheimer's aghast with unbelief and her face screwed up said: It is better she had thrown out the beans and serve the water.

Mom says she needs to go home -which means live on her own for she can take care of herself. She is always angry. One day I suggested she cook her own food, if that will make her happy. She was hardly eating at some time. I noticed that only a grapefruit she had eaten that day. I asked her if she would like me to continue cooking for her. Well, there is no other way for me to get food, she said.

I asked mum what she wanted for dinner? she replied " 9 oclock". I asked her again louder " 9 oclock now leave me alone"???

CNA: giving afternoon pills: Mr Jim, why isn't your bed made?
Dad: I don't know how to make it. Do you?

Dad: Im leaving this place and Im never coming back. (Walks out the front door).
Dad: I think Ill wait till it warms up a little.

When we went to visit her at the nursing home Feb 15, mom told us about her new roommate. She said "she's so old" well, mom will be 95 Mar 8 so that made both me & Richard laugh. In reality Janet is a couple of yrs younger than mom LOL!!! We still have yet to meet her although it's only been a couple of days that she's been there.