What is the funniest thing your aging parent has said to you lately?

Susan... LOL,,, I didn't even think of that.... eggs do have an odor don't they.... LOL

Mom went to bed early last night, all on her own... just got into bed fully clothed and pulled the covers up over her head. I asked her if everything was ok? She said "no it's not". So I had to ask "mom, what's wrong"? Her reply....

I'm such an a**hole lately (yes, she's been a pill lately and apparently knows it)

I didn't know whether to laugh or cry

LadeeM - I thought that comment was going in a whole different direction! LOL

Too funny. I love this thread - it helps keep things lighthearted.

Helping Lorene get ready for bed... I was setting on the edge of the bed and she started rubbing my back.... " You need to stop eating eggs".... surprised, I asked her why, she said, "because there is too much fat back here!"..... Told her I thought that might be from the cookies, not the eggs... !!!!

Changing his pampers tonight. Since he soaked the pants and bedpad, I took off his shirt, slacks and loafers. All he had on other than his 'birthday suit' was the socks and his arm sleeves (like a long gloves with 2 holes for the thumb and hand, goes up to his upper arm ... to keep him warm when he kicks off his blanket.)

As I was cleaning him up, he gave a gasp. I turned quickly to see what was wrong. He was staring in panic at his feet and then exclaimed, "Where's my shoes?" Well, now I know what's his first priority when it comes to clothing!

I didn't eat on time for dinner since I had a late lunch. It's now 8pm. I said, "I'm hungry."
My dad asked, "You're hungry?"
I said, "yes."
He replied, "I'm Frank." .... then he started laughing.

It's hot here in San Diego so I got a very large iced chai to share with my mom. I ran into Trader Joe's to get her some ice cream and when I got back she very proudly handed me the cup, completely drained of chai, still filled with ice, and said, very proudly, "I saved all this for you!"

This took place about a month and a half ago. Me: Mommy, are you going to church? Mom, angrily: I do not know. Me: We will be picked up in an hour and a half, so I need to know now. Mom: silence, and still in bed. I left for church. During the week now, Mom is getting dressed for church. Me: Mommy, it is Friday, there is no church today. Mom heading for the front door, I go and stand in front of her, I say: You are not stepping foot outside the yard. Mom: Please move so I can pass. Me: You are not leaving this yard, I am not joking. I go about my business, she stands for a while. Then she turns around and heads for her room. She locked herself out. She went to her other room door -she has access from two sides. Both are locked. She came to me. Do you have the key to my bedroom? She had put the door knob on lock, when she "was boldly going to church", because I am stealing or ransacking her stuff or hiding them. I just let her sit in the living room, playing with her bag full of nonsense, while I unlock her door and screw out the door knobs and remove them permanently. Up to today she does not understand why her door knobs are gone.

Today, I was singing some of Mama's favorite church hymns to her. One that I remember she sang a lot was a very old one... "When the Roll if Called up Yonder I'll be There"...and that phrase is how the chorus ends each time. I sang that and she said, "You just think you will..." then she laughed and said.."Maybe then I'll get some peace and quiet"....it shocked me but then it cracked me up....

At mother's recent hospital visit! We were waiting in the waiting room as the ER was full, no beds there or upstairs. The hospital had us wait with others in the waiting room after a nurse had took all the notes and vp's on mother. Mother had started softly singing to my horror! I whispered to her "Plz mother You are going to clear the room, you sound like Edith Bunker, stop singing!" Mother stopped singing, thought a minute " Well now, let's turn it up a bit" And she give it her all, singing the words to the theme of All in the Family. I couldn't stop laughing, Neither could others. But it got us the next bed!! Lol!

Today she's a comedian: I just gave her pills she said "Oh come on! More pills, I'll be flying, people will say, look at that lady flying by without wings"!

Father has reached the point in his road to senility that most of the times he does not understand what he's watching on TV. For example, I was watching a video of a baby elephant climbing on top of the mother elephant (lying on the ground) and then the baby would flip over to the other side. Father was laughing so hard. Then suddenly stopped laughing, looked puzzled and asked me, "Those are monkeys, right?"

So, tonight, I'm watching the show "Sex sent me to the ER." I'm laughing hard throughout the show. There is one scene where a couple decided to do IT in the front seat of the car. They were vigorously enjoying themselves. Father was watching it and then said aloud, "They don't have to show off!" (Huh???)

On another scene, the couple were doing some pretzel moves. The guy fell off the bed, landed on the floor and broke his ankle. My dad was confused and asked me, "what happened?" I didn't answer right away because how do you explain THAT to your own father?! But he asked again. So I answered, "They were playing on the bed. He fell off and got hurt."

My Mom just poured her coffee into her Easter flower Gerbera because "it looked like a little wilted and the coffee would perk it up"!

Oh my gosh, Jeanette - that one gave me such a laugh! Thanks for sharing!

Jeanette, yes, what did You do to her bedroom? I laughed aloud on that one. I was trying to guess what she was going to do when she saw the clothes in the closet. I just wasn't expecting That accusation.

Mom is so stubborn at times. This morning I had told her it was time to change and that her clothes were on her bed, I'd help if needed (always) she get's up insisting she isn't that stupid she can't put her own clothes on, take a wrong turn, heads to the closet by the front door....opens it and stares inside moving the coats around, then asks "what did I do with her bedroom"? hehe... I couldn't help but laugh till tears streamed down my face. She hasn't spoke to me all day :D

Father would lament, "God, kill me! Why make me suffer?" (He had a mild stroke and is now bedridden.) Or he would say, "I keep praying to God to kill me, 6 times." Now, he says all this, but he takes all these herbals for his heart, prostate, hearing, vision, etc... If he wants to die, why is he taking all these supplements to extend his life?

So, as I just taped up his pampers, he would grab the hanging trapeze and lift himself up while I pull his slacks up to his waist. Sometimes we take turns counting up to 3, or we say it at the same time.

Together, we said, "1, 2, 3!" As I pulled up his slacks, he continued counting, "4, 5 - glad to be alive!"

For some reason the link to this thread shows up next to the "Anyone taking meds?" one. Yup, makes perfect sense.

@Susan...Oh Yes She Did. Love this thread.

Not one about my aging parent, but my SIL's mom, who is in her 80's, and still very active and mobile, despite multiple surgeries on her feet. (The difference between her and my own mom is like night and day, physcially, at least.)

Apparently, while at breakfast with my SIL and her sons this morning, the boys were acting up and picking on each other, like brothers will do. SIL's mom ( who *never* swears) got tired of it, and said, "Well, that's why your mom's such a b****, look how you two act!!" - and then, while everyone's jaws were hanging, she immediately backpedalled and tried to explain that she didn't mean that the way it sounded....LOL

My Mom's diet is not the best. Right now she is hooked on Devil Dogs. When she wants one she says "I'll have one of those things and then makes an obscene gesture!

Disclaimer: I apologise in advance if the following offends anyone. My mom was in the Emergency Room the Saturday before Palm Sunday with a high impaction in her bowels. She was given an "enema bomb" (the name says it all). She asked the nurse was she sure my mom had gone. The nurse (knowing mom is a retired nurse) held up a solid piece of stool for mom and mom says "Gee that gives a new meaning to the phrase Holy Shit." #nursinghumor

New York is talking about charging us for Grocery bags now. It wasn't my Mom, but a friends Mom that said to him....." Who's laughing about the 10 thousand bags under the sink now????"

Our Mom has become to weak to walk so it can be an adventure trying to move her. The other night while getting her out of bed she bit the crap out of my sister's arm. I yelled Mom why did you bite her? Mom's reply....It wasn't me. It was the dog.

It's time to change dad's pampers. He has gained weight since he became bedridden 2 years ago. I only weigh 100 lbs, he weighs about 180 lbs. He usually gravitates to the edge of the bed. So when it's time to change his pampers, I need him to be in the middle of the bed so that he can turn left and right as I clean him.

So, I go to the other end to pull the large waterproof bedpad to me. He leans forward to pull himself at the same time towards me. 1, 2, 3! I pulled hard, he tried to pull himself to the railing. I ended up doing the most pulling. And hurt my back.

I told him that he needs to help me because he's too heavy for me.
He looks in me in the eyes and said in a very serious voice, "Next time, we put roller skates under my back."

The last time I took my mom to the doctor's office we were waiting for her doctor to come in the room. We had been waiting for a while. Finally, mom says, "if I knew we would be here so long I would have brought another pair of underwear."

One of my mother's shoes was chewed up by her cat, so my dad asked me to get her another pair just like them. When I inquired as to what size they were, he asked my mother to lift her foot. He took off her shoe and proceeded to read the size. When he was finished, and had replaced the shoe, my mother told him, "You only got it half right. You forgot (to check the size of ) the other shoe."

Mom was struggling to capture her olives and grapes by either stabbing them , or scooping them up with a fork. Finally, I said, "Just use your fingers." She replied cheerfully, "My fingers are busy doing other things."

Her sense of smell has gone and she's incontinent. She hates taking a shower because she feels cold in the bathroom, and it usually takes something like an upcoming doctor's appointment or errand to get her to bathe.

Just now, I smiled at her and said, "Say, why don't you take a bath, today? Tomorrow I'll be doing the laundry and I can wash absolutely all your clothes so you'll have a fresh start. Also, we were going out to breakfast, this weekend, and you'd be all fresh for that, too." I not only smiled, but said it in the most cheerful voice I could, as if it were a great idea!! :-)

She smiled a little smile and said, "Well, I didn't think about that. I guess I'll go do that in a minutes."

A minute goes by and she looks and me. I can see that the light bulb just turned on and she says to me, "I lost my opportunity to argue my case against it, didn't I?"

We both chuckled a little and she gave in gracefully on her defeat and went to take her bath.

Maybe not all that funny, but I think it's kind of cute.

I said to mom the other day. Mom, you have lost your marbles. She said, I can get some new ones. I just smiled!