What is the funniest thing your aging parent has said to you lately?

My dad loves ice cream. Today is the 3rd box I have bought within a month. This time, I told him that he needs to eat less ice cream so that we can make it last longer. I gave him ice cream. About 2 hours later, he asks very meekly, "Can I have one tablespoon of ice cream? Just one tablespoon." At the same time, he's using his thumb and pointer fingers to show how little he's asking for.

I was changing his pamper. We have this ritual of counting up to 3 (alone or together). When we reach 3, he uses the trapeze bar to pull himself up so that I can slide his slacks up to his waist. We did this. So, now, I'm tying a string on the front of his pants together (so that he cannot sneak his hand inside his pants during the night and then wonder how all that 'dirt' got all over him and his bedding) . He starts counting, "1, 2..."
And I interrupt him, asking, "Why are you counting up to 3 for?"
He stops. Looks at me, and goes back counting, "1, 2, 3, 4." Then he had this puzzled look. He said, "4?" He looks at me as if I was wrong, and recounted the right way, "1, 2, 3."

@Suegirl - I think we DO share dementia! Right now I feel that the 'old' are taking care of the 'older'. Think about this, people in their sixties (which both you and I are) used to be thought of as 'old' not too long ago! In fact, we practically had one foot in the grave, the other on the banana peel back in the day. Now, we're considered younger, yet we're taking care of the oldest of the WWII Generation! I have to tell you I was at the doctor's office the other day and she said that they are actually in new territory here because they're aren't that many hard facts on just how to treat the oldest of our population. The fastest growing population now is 90 and over!

So, I, too, feel like I'm sharing in some ways her aches and pains! And dementia! Except she tells me she's not in pain! Go figure! In fact, my mother doesn't even know her own diagnosis, which is vascular dementia. She just tells me they're crazy and don't know what they're talking about! :)

I believe this was Tuesday. I came in after walking the dog. It was around 7:55 p.m., beautiful night, when my mother tells me, in all seriousness, that 'The hurricane is going to hit tonight at 8:00".

This morning I told Dad my sister was about two hours away from arriving at my house and he wanted to stand at the corner so my sister would know where to go!

Suegirl thats too funny!

@learning curve - I thought I was the only one having these meaningless, pointless arguments with what basically amounts to a 'wall' :)

I'm 68 Mother is 90, I tell her we share Dementia. She likes that.

LOL last week I was showing my 93 year old the different things in money bills when you fold them certain ways. yesterday during our visit I was going to show him a new one I discovered and he pops off, "Oh don't bring that sh*t up again!" then got a look on his face... (from the one who repeats his stories again and again; Woops, did he just tell on himself? Hahahaha ... Btw, now I understand about the "memory people" "I remember when..." LOL have a day full of JOY everyone!

Wasn't what she said today, but what she did. I was paying the bill for our lunch when she disappeared. I had asked her earlier if she had to go to the bathroom before we left. She said, No, which is standard for her. So, I turn my head for one SECOND and she's gone. Where is she? Well, I figured she found the Ladies Room somehow, so I go in there looking for her and there is no her. So, I look directly opposite and I'm thinking she can't be in there, then I'm thinking, oh no, I have to open the door! So, I open the door to the MENS ROOM and ask, Are you in here? "Yes, she says. I tell her, "MA, you're in the MENS ROOM!

Answer: Well, that's alright. I had to go!

OMG.

Later on when I asked her if she didn't see the urinals, she said she wasn't looking for a urinal.

Another OMG day!

Its 21 degrees here today YES dont laugh thats a heatwave for us! I got up at lunch mum was up and dressed(ok so in a jumper and velvet trousers and heatwave on??)

I just didnt want to deal with mum so i just went and lay in the sun! after an hour she came out and said "youre very tanned why on earth do you want to go away and get more tanned? its a waste of money!" oh god help me!! LOL

During another one of countless arguments (I'm learning not to do that anymore) with my mean as a snake mom:
She wanted to take yet another jab at me & told me I'm "Illusional" as opposed to delusional. LOL

Some of these are really,really funny.

"Did you bring your talking machine with you?" (my cell phone... lol )

It wasn't what she said but that she started trying to talk with a bad southern accent while I was making BBQ chicken for dinner!

"YOUR FIRED GET OUT!" A day later, checking in, "WHERE THE H*LL HAVE YOU BEEN?!"... ( two doors over...) LOL go figure?, HUH??? Gotta Love?... Bless You and yours always with lots of hugs, health, wealth and just pure JOY!...

me: Mom, I'm going to the store be back soon.
mom: Do you want me to go with you and help the good careliver?....
Didn't know you were a liver dish did you?....
You will never live that one down. ...
liver lover (not)

She meant to say caregiver. I hope she forgets the liver lover part.

he says to me, "I'm deaf, I cant hear, I'm blind, I cant see, I'm crippled and cant walk" (93 years old and uses walking cane) I tell him were going to town and he tells me, "I'm driving!"

The former in law called a squirrel a sea gull.

it's my husband - we were at an outdoor wedding, music playing before the nuptials & he had to blow his nose, he looked at me first to see if it was appropriate or not to blow loud or soft, he said, I can blow my nose & fart at the same time, with the music that loud no one will hear me (he's 83 ALZ)

Mom explaining to me the difference between independent living and Nursing homes. She said, you DONT want to go there, you don't come out.

Willow - lol! - and yet there you are, somehow… How on earth did that happen?! :)

The 3 funniest things my mom with AZ has said that I remember are, one day I explained to her that she has been married for 68 years and has five children I am the youngest. She looked at me in total disbelief and said"no I never bothered with any of that stuff!" One day when I was picking her up at Daycare she looked at the director and said "we gotta go get a man and I dont want one!' and lastly I cut her hair super short like a crew cut and she looked int he mirror and said " I look like a boyfriend"

I was just clearing out mother's magazines and on a fortnight-old copy of "The Week" the banner headline is "DID QATAR BUY THE CUP? The Corruption Scandal Engulfing FIFA." Then I spotted, scribbled in ballpoint pen underneath:

"& do we care if they did?"

Hee. She's still in there somewhere, then.

Thank you all for the laughs! Just to let you know if the tv wasn't in her room then it would be in the living room which in next to my room. My mum would be closer to my room more often and probably in my room more often which is exactly why I have no problem with the tv being in her room. I have absolutely no problem what-so-ever with her having the tv in her room as far away from my room as it could be.

Wait until she starts shouting at the birds to shut up singing!! yep everyone is "UGLY" on tv or fat or stupid or whatever dont know why she bothers!!

Well, my mom is not getting a tv in her room..... she's already talking crap to the tv in the living room!

Shilo are you ex military?? thats a strategic plan if ever i heard one. Oh yeh mum starts wandering and i am moving up into the attic with a ladder that pulls up with a rope! Guess i should start buying in the "essentials" tv,fridge,cooker,panic button for me in case someone forgets im up there!! oh its just not funny but we have to look at it this way or we will go "mad" OR maybe we really are not that funny and everyone on here is already "mad". Can you imagine your "normal friends" reading these posts!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! they would wonder who is it that has dementia?

lol kazzaa - I have a mini fridge/freezer in my closet. My mom gets up during the night and pulls out food and leaves it sitting out so it spoils (lets just say I would not eat it). I know what you mean though. I put a lock on my door if she ever starts her wandering and opening doors. So far she hasn't started that.

Shilo mum went to bed 15mins ago! am just settling down for the night to watch "the green mile" as never seen it and i hear footsteps on the stairs YEP shes coming down again this is when i start to get BP sometimes i want to scream "get back up to bed NOW". I actually have palpatations now all day and just no "sanctuary" i think i may start to build my own cabin as im about to crack. Maybe i should get a tv in my room then what? a cooker,a fridge?

Kazzaa - 5 yrs ago I bought her a 19" TV then my 29" TV broke. She wanted the TV in her room. I watched shows on my computer for the next 2 yrs and when I was able to buy a TV I put it in my room. It has been in my room for over a year now. I think she is just saying something because she likes to watch the ball players...the nice young good looking ball players!
Your idea is a good one and I will have to remember that when I save up the money to buy her a big TV.