What is the funniest thing your aging parent has said to you lately?

Assandy, your mom, too! My dad's been telling people that our house used to be a hotel. (Uhm, we have a one story house with 3 bedrooms and 1 bathroom.) Other times, he tell people that our house used to be one of those govt housing projects. Nope. This house was built when I was around age 4 or 5 and surrounded by boonie grass. (Had a great time playing hiding-go-seek and cowboys-indians in there!)

My mother is telling everyone at Day Care and her HHA that we have dead bodies in our cellar!! She tells them our house use to be a funeral home and we have caskets in our basement also!!

Luckily no one believes her!!

Just waiting for the cops and FBI to show up at my door!! YIKES!!

Our little island in the Pacific is also getting the Siberian wind. So, it's been so cold - standing outside under the sun. What's more, inside the house with an air con stuck on 71 degrees (I prefer 80). I've been cold all day in the livingroom. I finally couldn't take it and exclaimed, "It's so cold! I can't stand it!"

Dad, who is comfortable in this temperature, his skin warm to the touch, replied calmly, "It's all in your head."

I replied, "Just wait. When it's your turn to complain, I'm going to say that to you."

Hours later, 11pm, my dad exclaimed, "It's so cold!"

I calmly replied, "It's all in your head."

He looked at me, and burst out laughing so hard, stuttering the words, "It's...all.. in ..your...head."

Me : how are you ?
Mom: I feel better since I'm not cray cray anymore
That was halirous I laughed all day

Mom's been getting more confused about her time sequences lately. Today we were talking about the different homes she's owned, and she said, "The one is Richmond, CA was the only one I ever left dirty. I just didn't have enought time to clean it. I left Steve with a power of attorney to sell it". I said, "Steve who?" She said, "Your brother Steve!" I laughed and said, "But he was, what? 12? when we left there? And she said, no, he was..... uh... 14. Oh, don't mix me up. I like my version" lol

Mom, who has only long term memory now, was at an outdoor birthday party recently. I introduced her to a very prestigious friend. She said "Oh, I'm sure I've heard so many nice things about you". The guest was totally charmed.

I took Mom to the dentist, yesterday, to get prepared to have some teeth pulled. The dentist was giving her a list of all the bad things that can happen when you get your teeth pulled. It was so long that I think both Mom and I started to lose consciousness by the end of the list.

Mom has been concerned that she can pay for this dental work. So, at the end of the dentist's speech, she looked at the dentist and me and summed it up as, "So, if I get my teeth pulled, I could die? Fine, then I won't have to worry about how I can pay for it!"

She had only a half smile as she said it. :-)

I am so happy I found this thread it really made me laugh. My mother told me that when she first got into the nursing home there was a cleaning man that would walk down the hall and go into her room and cut a huge fart. He thought she was too ill to notice. My mom told me that she did not say anything for a while and just would giggle after he left. One time my mom called him on it and said 'can you at least say excuse me? 2. On my mother's floor at the nursing home there was a very old woman that would spit on the floor. My mother had enough of that especially in the dinning room and cussed her out in German. I remember my mother telling me about the woman spitting and we laughed until we cried. To this day she will not eat in the dinning room, telling me that the old folks have disgusting eating habits. (My mom's are not the best either.) LOL

In the medical transportation van with several elderly in wheelchairs- bound for doctor visits- we pulled up to a stop sign and mom blurted out "TURN RIGHT AND LETS GO TO THE CASINO- LETS SKIP THE DOCTORS!". This was met with cheers from otherwise dementia patients who had a moment of clarity. I think this would be a good movie scene :-)

Mom asked me if I thought her a.m. caregiver was nuts (she kinda is). She was talking down to mom and mom said to her "no sh*t, Dick Tracy!"

My dad's end table near his hospital bed has all his cups of drinks. For several years now, it's me against these ants. If it's not one species, then it's another specie. One specie loves the water, the other loves the honey.

Tonight, I was looking at his table. Something seem off. I gasped and exclaimed, "Dad, there's no ants! Where did the ants go?" I then went to the wall where they usually travel. "Nothing! No ants here, either."

Dad replied with a very straight face, "Maybe they went on vacation."

Mom was reading over her diagnosis from recent time in Hospital." Oh my lord", she said, listen to all they put down here". She started reading off true conditions, and had to spell many because only a profeeial could say them. When she finished,I was laughing.i told her Mom, you should Sue. If you can't say what they about you it's not right. We both had a belly laugh to hard day.

Oh my....Mom just really surprises me sometimes. Watching TV this morning, and an ad for the 50 Shades of Gray movie came on....she watched the quick flashes and hints of dark sexual activity and then looked at me and said, "I wonder if that movie is any good?"

Um....no, Mom. It's not. And we're NOT watching it. Then I had to explain why. She just kind of looked at me and said, "Oh. Ok." and went back to watching TV. LOL

I can tell when I'm super stressed out. I get sick - fast. Today at work, I was dry coughing. Tonight, while studying, I started the sneezing stage.

I sneezed hard.
My father said, "Bless you!"
I sneezed again just as hard.
My father said, "Bless you! I'm practicing to be a priest...."

Morning caregiver to mom: you are full of pi*s and vinegar today! Mom to caregiver: YOU are full of sh*t EVERY day! Caregiver laughed, thought mom was kidding...nope...not so much.

I came home from work around 7:00 pm and ate my dinner in the kitchen because dad's arthritis ointment is so overpowering, my headache is trying to be born (no headache but the smell is so strong, I feel one coming.)

When I came back to the livingroom and sat down, he was mumbling. I couldn't hear him, so I asked him to repeat it.

He asked, "Am I hungry?"
I asked, "Why are you asking?"
He replied, "Because I'm hungry."

What happened to his demanding nature?

Zookeeper, I always have to laugh when my mom mutters very low "You son of a B_ _ _ch." I say "that just could be."

Mom keeps having "trouble" with her cell phone. She wanted to call an old friend to catch up on gossip, but couldn't find it in her contact list. She said she remembered the number, though. I reminded her she could just dial it from the keypad. She said: "I didn't know you could use it like a real phone!"

Mom quite seriously asked me once why she was being punished by being forced to eat terrible cooking (thanks, ma).

Whenever a doctor asks mom how she is she will say "you're the doctor, you tell ME".

Mom said she's going to tell my mom on me. Not sure what it was she was going to snitch to herself.

Bravo mudiver! Good luck!

She said get the hell out, so I went out and rented an apartment. Now thats funny, Ill inform adult protective services in time. So off she goes to the nursing home, my life comes back to me, the constant abuse ends and I can find me, who ever I am. LoL

My mother has decided that I'm pooping in her pants.,

Bookluvr, I've been frustrated too by fools who want my mom to confirm things over the phone despite my having POA. Since they can't see me I have resorted to pretending I am my mom, mission accomplished. Do you have a man handy that can stand in for your dad?

I made a typo. I meant to say "off your coat" not "off your coast."

Having been in a variety of ERs, hospital rooms and doctor's offices, lately, Mom has been repeatedly asked the variety of questions about what year it is, who the president is, etc...

This week, at her doctor's office, the resident came in before the main doctor to ask these questions. When he asked what clinic she was at, she just looked-down at his lab coat and read what it said. She was so obvious about it, that he was taken a little aback. She then told him, "Why should I go through the trouble to remember that when it's easier just to read it off your coast?" That's where he had no response.

I don't have POA for dad. So, I went to the local cable office and asked what is required to cancel service if the person on the bill is bedridden and refuses to leave the home. They said he just needs to write a letter requesting cancellation along with his ID. I did that, and went down to process it. I was then told that my dad has to call them and tell them that he's cancelling service, that he will need to tell them over the phone his social security number. Oh, Oh. I'm in trouble. Dad no longer can hold meaningful, understandable conversation.

I go home, tell him the situation. He now thinks he's paying $86 a month for the TV .

No-No. NOT the TV, the Cable!

Why is he paying $86 every month for the TV? They can come and take the TV back.

No, not the TV. The Cable! Anyway, nevermind the TV. I just need you to call them up and say you're cancelling it. They will ask for your birthdate and social security number.

He looks puzzled and then said,"I have a birthdate. I don't have social security."
"Yes, Dad, you Do have social security."
"No, I don't have social security."

I give up!!!! He will just have to continue to pay for the cable service.

Vstefans. I had to chuckle with that comeback. =)

But bookluvr - that WAS the right answer 9 just 16 yeras ago :-)