What is the funniest thing your aging parent has said to you lately?

We were taking a ride and I missed the exit I was supposed to take. I said "Oh Eddie you big dummy!" out loud in a funny way. She paused, looked at me and said "you're not big!"

My mom believes the people on the tv are real and can see and hear her. The other night I am helping her get to bed and I notice she still has her teeth in her mouth. I asked her why she didn't take them out when she was in the bathroom. As she crawls into bed to watch her movie she gestures at the tv and says to me "some of the men here are cute! I don't want to take them out til later, I might get myself a man!"

Be supportive, as your parents will likely grieve through this process. This transition represents letting go of the home where they raised their family, embracing the fragility that comes with advancing years, saying goodbye to friends and neighbors, and coming to terms (at least in part) with aging and mortality. You and your siblings too may grieve through this process similarly. Support each other. Love one another. Forgive freely as tempers may flare as an expression of grief. Additionally, the support of friends and extended family members is crucial. The facility to which your parents are moving may offer the services of a counselor who can help you and your family cope with the transition at hand as well. Had a Cat Fight with Mom yesterday. She use to take a bath everyday. One of the loses with her illness is Hygiene. She had invited friends over, and she wanted me to shower,wear a certain outfit, do my hair a certain way. We've Physical therapist and I have been working on this. Well here I stood sweating,hair hanging in my eyes. I've been cleaning, throwing out compulsions, since Jan. 20. I said, if you want me to take a bath, you have to take a bath. After a lengthy discussion/resistance. I gave up and was ? I heard her in the bathroom. I knocked on door, asked Mom, what are u doing. IM TAKING A BATH! Panic!!! She can barely get around. The door was locked,I called neighbor,the door open she's struggling to get in Tub. Panic. She's so modest. Oh my gosh, what a challenge. I'm 70 with a back surgery. She has a bath chair, but wouldn't sit down. "Mom, sit down". "GET OUT OF HERE! Panic! "MOM, SIT DOWN." She sits down. Calls me names. "Pushing my button."Life alert to bring ambulance, fireman, call my Bro. "Ok, push it." She did. I don't care. I'm to busy, getting sprayed, yelled at. Finally could answer phone, it's Bro.then I see flashing lights. I open door, they can see I'm soaked,I explained. They look like "Yea, get this all the time. Finished, job accomplished, kept calm, which is a learned skill for me. Couple of nights ago I called her a crouchity ole Bitch!
MY MOTHER! I'll never live that down.She spent all day shooting me dirty looks,calling friends.One came over to see about her. This is while I was washing clothes, vacuuming, dusting. New day today. I slept on a unmanned,un made bed.lol, spell check. And I still need shower! 1st generation of Seniors taking care of Seniors.

I remember some time ago back when my parents use to do volunteer work at our local hospital. Dad [who was in his early 80 at the time] was telling me about this *old man* who came up to the visitor's desk to get some information. Mom looked at me and said "that old man was much younger than your Dad"..... :P

Dad was pretty much " on" at his Happy Hour. Asked me why all those old people were sitting around and I advised his he is 85!

I had some great chuckles tonight from you all. Thank you.

A few months ago my Mom was in rehab after yet another horrible fall, broken leg, surgery.....We had visited her Ortho Doc and he had cleared her for 100% weight bearing PT on the broken leg, so.... a very nice PT came to her room to conduct an initial evaluation. He had a clipboard w/him and asked Mom her age. Mom replied quite seriously, with a straight face that she was 85. Knowing that Mom was of the generation of women who " never revealed their true age", I politely informed the PT that Mom's B'day was next month and she would be 93. At which point Mom turned to me and said, "Well, honey, that may be true, but 93!!!...did you have to make it sound so OLD???!!!
Couldn't help but notice the PT had his face pressed to his clipboard to stifle the grin/chuckle.....

Yesterday me and mom were on the Haunted Mansion ride at WDW. The ride stopped for 10 minutes, right in front of the the little, blue lady at the end of the ride who says, "Hurry back, Hurry back! Be sure to bring your death certificate if you decide to join us. Make final arrangements now. We've been dying to see you." I've been on that ride hundreds of times and never knew what she said, now it is engrained in my memory forever :) Anyways....after about 5 minutes she looked at me frustrated and said, "Why does that woman keep saying the same thing over and over again?"
It took every bone in my body not to shout, "Welcome to my world, lady!!"

My father has always been one to be punctual and able to tell almost exactly what time it currently is. For several months he was on a 'don't look at your watch and we'll guess what time it is and see who wins'. A dozen times a day. He of course always won. One time he wanted to play 'guess what time it is' and he closed his eyes, intense concentration on his face, opened his eyes and made his guess: He said "It is 22 Dollars and 22 cents". What could I say except 'damn, how do you always guess the right time?'
BTW I am loving this thread!

I took my Alz/Down Syndrome brother to a friends house for dinner last week. He couldn't remember their names was calling Tom Harold, Marc George etc. My friend Angie asked him what her names was and he said "double chin". Everyone laughed but I was mortified.

This is just too funny.

My ex-husband's parents moved in with us when his father was dying of cancer and in his last months. His cancer and COPD from years of smoking led to anoxia (lack of oxygen to the brain), which caused some very odd personality shifts and strange things to come to his mind.

A few of the conversations we had with him - I was his favorite target:

D: Why did you marry (ex's name here)?
Me: Because I love him, Daddy.
D: (Looking at me with an evil glare and rubbing his fingers together in the universal symbol for money) You love GREENBACKS!
Me: (laughing out loud) Daddy, that's like saying I married him for his big you-know-what!!
D: .....(stunned silence).....

D: (shaking his crooked, arthritic finger at me) I know what you did!
Me: What's that Daddy?
D: You put a spell on (his wife's name here) - and now she won't listen to me! You're a witch!
Me: No, I'm not, Daddy.
D: Yes you are! You go take that spell off her, and we'll be ok again.
Me: (humoring him) Ok, Daddy. I'll go do that very thing right now.
(I go out to the kitchen, where my MIL is sitting at the table)
Me: Hey Momma! BOOGADABOOGADABOO!
Momma: What in the world??
Me: Just taking the spell off you. Be right back.
(I go back to the bedroom)
Me: Daddy, I took the spell off Momma for you.
D: Ok. Come give me a hug. I love you.

And on one of his *really* bad days, when I was sick with strep throat and my MIL offered to walk my daughter the 2 blocks to school so I wouldn't have to get out while I was sick....

D: (yelling from his room to mine) Where's my wife!! What did you do with her! Where's my wife! Dammit, I know you're hiding her from me!
Me: Daddy, calm down. She just walked (daughter's name) to school. She'll be back in a bit.
D: No she won't! You let her run away! She's always wanted to run away! If I knew what was in your head this morning, I'd have put a bullet there instead of a brain!!
Me: ....(click) as I lock my bedroom door .....and retreat to the far end of the room.

I was reading Harry Potter to my mother and when we got to the part about Professor Dumbledore sending Gilderoy Lockhart away to regain his memory after a spell backfired, my mom looked at me and said, wide-eyed: "Wow. Where can did he go to get his memory back?"

Too funny! This has reminded my of my DDFIL. He once told the DON that he was planning to buy the nursing home and turn it into a "swingers club".

When dad was in hospital last time he told the nurse she looked familiar. She couldn't figure out why and he said,"Im a nude dancer and U visit me often!" 😂😂😂 I was like omg

I love this thread!

You're welcome, Dof4! I'm so glad we can share these little funnies and lift each others' spirits. Caregiving is not for the faint of heart and some days it just flat out stinks to be a caregiver. Knowing I made your day better made my day better as well!

SusanA43, Your story made me laugh so hard it brought tears to my eyes. My mother would have said something like the woman at your dads NH. Your dad had a quick wit about him getting back at that woman so fast.
The real funny thing about my mom is that she was raised in a very conservative household so to hear her talk like she does now is double funny. I'm sure people would think she was a burlesque queen at some point. My mother was a very conservative woman, she was a language interpreter, she spoke 9 languages and was prudish in many ways.

My mom has embarrassed the orderlies and nurses many times but they have grown to love and respect her. I think that she can not embarrass them anymore because when she tries they just laugh and say 'I see you are having a good day today'. Back in the day my mother was too reserved or shy to talk with men now if she thinks one is half way good looking she will get right to it and tell him so. I am just glad she is nice to people and tells them things to make them feel better. Sometimes my mom says rude things but not very often or I remind her that it only makes her life harder.

SusanA43 Thanks for sharing your story. It gave me a huge laugh and lifted my spirits. It has been cold, rainy and miserable so I really needed this today.

Oh my gosh, Dof4! I can just about imagine the other residents' reactions to that one....

There was a lady that was in the nursing home with dad when his kidney first failed about 15 years ago, who was .....well, she was a character. That's really all I can say. She used to push her walker around the nursing home, insulting people and swearing at them, spitting food (or just saliva) at them if she could get close enough, etc. She walked into Dad's room one day and said, "you're FAT!" - Dad was a large man - he fired right back, "I may be fat, but you're UGLY - and I can go on a diet! What are you gonna do??" LOL

This same woman came into the activities room when they were having music by a special group that came in, and some of the nurses/orderlies were dancing with the residents that were able to dance. This woman walked up to one of the male orderlies and demanded that he dance with her, so he did. She seemed to really be enjoying it, until she stopped, backed away with a sly grin on her face and said (loud enough for the whole room to hear), "YOU'VE GOT A BONER!" - the poor orderly blushed and said he'd never dance with her again, then left the room.

We think she may have been a prostitute or burlesque queen in her younger days. LOL

endofrope, I cannot stop laughing! Every time I think about it, I crack up!

On one of my visits with mom (90 years old) my mom told my daughter and I that my husband, my daughter's dad was after her and keeps giving her the 'eye'. My daughter thought my mom was kidding and started to laugh but mom was serious, which made it even funnier. Later while playing BINGO at the nursing home mom looks at me and says 'Does your husband look good naked?' and I said yes mom he looks real good then she said oh that is nice. The other residents that heard this were laughing so hard they could hardly breathe.

Haha! Mom was so funny the other morning. Morning caregiver has been baby talking to her, talking down to mom. It irritates my mom so much. The other morning when I was getting ready to leave for work, like every other morning, I gave my mom a kiss and told her I would see her later today. She whispered in my ear "take her with you!" Took everything I had not to laugh out loud.

Book, I just had to reply to your post about not being home, like an answering machine responding to your Dad's requests. I SO get that! This morning was one of those for me. Everything was annoying the crap out of me this morning - my pet birds almost bit the dust because their chirping was driving me insane. (Kidding, of course, I'd never hurt them, but even their normally pleasant chirping was like nails on a chalkboard this morning!) Mom's request for me to "wake me when you make breakfast" just set me right over the edge. Then, when I made something very nice for her, she ate it, then proclaimed she didn't like it! Then it was good....then it was just not her thing...then it was ok...then it was really good...then she really didn't like it. She changed her mind about 10 times in the space of 5 minutes - but this was AFTER she ate the darn thing!

Dof4 - oh my gosh....I can't even imagine what your mom must have been thinking!! Poor thing - can you imagine thinking you had 3 people in bed with you with no pants on? LOL

EndOfRope - Right there with you on that one, too! Ham in the purse. My grandmother, in the throes of serious dementia coupled with mental illness, once told us a long, drawn-out story about people that put a ladder on the porch roof to reach the attic window (2 stories above the porch roof, which would collapse if anyone stood on it), entered the attic (she had nailed the windows shut), came down the attic stairs and out the attic door to the 2nd floor (door was deadbolted and had a 100-lb steamer trunk in front of it), came downstairs to the kitchen, took meat out of the (locked) freezer, cooked and ate it, washed the dishes (seriously?) and then put them away.
The reason for the whole story? She had misplaced her favorite skillet and couldn't find it - so therefore, in her mind, someone else must have broken into the house and hidden it on her. She used to blame it all on my grandfather, but when he died, then it was "them" or "they" that did everything.

My mother lives in a nursing home and she told me that when she woke up there were 3 people in the bed next to her with no pants on. She then asked me what kind of place did you put me in? I told her a very cool liberal place. I asked my mom again to tell me what she saw and this time she said she thought it was a dream.

I found a pound of ham in mother's purse this morning. She told me that she did not put it there....... yeah, right. most people have burglars who break in and move the ham......

This past Christmas I went to the Christmas party they were having at my mom's assisted living facility. They had live music - a cello and violin. During one of the classical songs, mom all of a sudden said "It sounds like we're on the Titanic!". I laugh everytime I think of that.

I baked cookies over the weekend and Mom is obsessed with eating them. I've been hiding them for a few hours at a time, just to make them last a bit and to keep her from really gorging on them. She's really just eating them to clean out the container, at this point, more than actually enjoying them.

Yesterday, she had a doctor's appointment and her important question for her doctor was whether it's her life and she should be able to eat cookies and enjoy herself. Her doctor gave a thoughtful answer about how everyone except diabetics probably should be allowed to enjoy a few cookies and that even diabetics should get to cheat a bit if they're careful - that everyone should be allowed a little job in this regard.

Mom persisted and I just sat there, quietly, until the doctor figured something was up and asked how often Mom wanted to eat cookies and when she started admitting to eating cookies at lunch, supper, as a snack, in-between meals, sometimes when she walked by, etc..., the doctor and I both just chuckled a bit.

She really thinks I'm depriving her. I thought it was funny.

Mama has been hallucinating for a while due to a severe UTI but she is finally getting over it ..praise God...last night, I was sitting in there beside her laughing and cutting up....too much info here, but at one point, I had tooted....she started laughing....in a little while she said...."I let one and we're all guilty"......then she started laughing....just cracked me up...

My dad said, "My nose is hurting! This is bad. I'm going to put on my eye glass."

Huh? What's the connection with the eye glass helping his hurting nose?

Getting Mom ready for bed last night, my pup ran past with my sock in her mouth. I yelled, "hey leave my socks alone!", chased her down and took it away. Well, this happened 3 times in a row - it's amusing to me and I don't get mad about it. I laughed and said to Mom "she really likes my socks!" when I see her scurrying past with the same sock I just took away, so I yell out "stop taking my socks!"
Mom: what thoughts did they take?
Me: what are you talking about, ma?
Mom: you said they were stealing your thoughts. What thoughts were you thinking that they stole?
Me: whaaat? No, Ma...I said socks. She keeps taking my socks.
Mom (to all the dogs): stop stealing her socks! You're confusing both of us!
Hahahaha!

Have you ever had one of those days when just the sound of your name or the beginning of another request just makes your blood pressure skyrocketed? My dad just started to make a sound of another request, when I cut him off.

I quickly said, "I'm not home."
He asked, "you're not?"
I replied like an answering machine, "I'm not home, but I will be back in 15 minutes,"
He took it good naturedly and laughed as I walked out of the livingroom to go to my bedroom.