What is the funniest thing your aging parent has said to you lately?

Oh, shoot... I have another one from my grandma.

We were at her assisted living place, and she never had any idea what was on TV unless it was Andy Griffith or Murder She Wrote. She was always trying to find "Andy of Mayberry", even if it was 4 in the morning and she had on the Spanish channel.

One day we were over there, and a Viagra commercial was on. It was a happy couple running around on the beach and all of that. And of course, the announcer was talking about erections lasting more than 4 hours...

She said, "Well I don't know what I've got on the TV here. Oh! This must be the basketball game!"

So now every time I see a viagra commercial, I say, "Oh, the basketball game is on!"

Another time, we watched M*A*S*H over there, and my grandma said, "Oh, this is that awful show with that man who dresses like a lady! I've always hated this show!" But then a few minutes later, she was enjoying it immensely.

During a short stay in a nursing home, I went to visit my Mom. She wasn't in her room but I found her in the dining hall holding hands with one of the male residents. The staff told me later that my Mom made the first move....My Mom is 80 and has AD. We had a good chuckle!!

While riding home on a particularly long ride, she was dozing off in her seat. She opened her eyes and said, " I am sorry I keep dozing off on you." I replied, "That's fine, just sleep if you are tired. I didn't even notice really." She said, "Yes, you did. I saw you looking at me." I asked, "How did you see me looking at you if you were sleeping?" With a matter of fact look and a few seconds of silence she said, "Never mind, I wasn't dozing. Just get me an ice cream sandwich."

Our dad passed June 21st of this year. We are still coping. This question is wonderful, it helped me remember some of the funny times over the 6 years he lived with me. I've just pushed everything way back so this question is good for me. Our dad was a foreman at Ford for many years. We tried many times to get him to do little household chores but with his not remembering how to do things added with the notion that it's "woman stuff," he would decline. One time when I asked him to unload the dishwasher, he said, “who normally does that?” And then, “I’ll assign the most capable person to do it.” Once a foreman, always a foreman.
Miss you and love you, dad.

That is sweet, Dogtherapy! . Sorry for your loss. (((( hugs)))).

My Mom , who has vascular dementia from a brain stem stroke and can barely talk now, surprised me last month while on vacation. We were listening to music and I asked her who her favorite musician was -not really thinking she could give me a very good answer but hoping anyway-- and , no kidding, she whispered Pat Benetar!! I almost spit my beer out! I love Pat!!! I high fived her - and she me- I think it is because she used to Jazzercise a lot in the 80's and 90's! But after all these years I still learn something new about my Mom. "She's a real tough cookie with a long history......"hee hee

My mom has Alzheimer's Disease, recently she has been asking how old she is and what year she was born. I counted with my fingers in 10's. She said 84!! That is old enough!!! We all laughed telling mom, no more birthdays for you!

Mom and I were chatting with a friend and something was said that was "TMI"
My Mom then informed our friend that SHE invented the term ! We laughed a while on that one.

My Dad is nearly deaf,
Dad "What's that"
me " Peg is coming at 4"
Dad What's that"
me louder "Peg is coming at 4"
Dad "I can't hear you"
me louder still" Peg is coming at 4"
Dad "stop shouting at me"

Sometimes finding activities to keep my mother, who has Alzheimer's, mentally and physically active is a challenge. One day, while passing through an area of my parent's retirement home, I noticed a pool table. Knowing that she could not play the conventional way, I showed her that she could roll the balls into the pockets, and she really got into it, as I pointed out which pocket to which she should attempt to reach.

The next day, she came to me all excited, but a little confused. She said that my dad had stopped by that same pool table and, "He didn't play like we did. He used a looooong stick."

My father has been having problem staying asleep at night. He complains that he's up wide awake by 4am. He was constantly complaining about this.

Then one day, he found the problem:
"I know why I cannot sleep at night. It's because my eyes are wide open."

My grandmother with Alzheimer's Disease was at Mom's house celebrating her 85th birthday. I asked grandma, "How old are you today, Grandma?" She thought about it and replied haltingly, "OH, six or seven." I told her, "Grandma, today you are 85 years old. My prim and proper grandmother who has never uttered a cuss word in her life, said loudly, but with good humor, "Damn!" I told her that's what I'm going to say when I turn 85.

Everyday for two months I have been putting a medicine patch for dementia on my mother-in-law's chest. And everyday she asks "what's this for?" I tell her "it's to help your memory." Today she asked "what's this for?"..."to help your memory." She then said "well you better put two on because one isn't helping!"

Brought my dad some coffee from a convenience store he sipped it cautiously and then declared... "it tastes just like my mom's... except she didn't piss in hers"

my dad sitting ALONE in his room while AVATAR is on in the other room...
Dad-"I think the idea is very believable, more like what the colonists did to the American Indians, it didn't turn out so well for them though... now could you all talk amongst yourselves... I need to sleep."

my BIL says that i do to much for my FIL so when he (BIL) was coming for xmas i took 2days off. BIL soon learned the ends and out of caregiving but the funny part was when i walked i the room last nit my FIL looked at me with tears in his ,gave me a big hug and said,:i thought you ran away:

My mom lives next door and we took Christmas to her this year. We all sat in her living room which she rarely uses. I took photos and downloaded them my computer. The next day I showed them to her and she said " where we're these taken " I said your living room "! Lol

My mom is in an assisted living facility and on one recent visit my mom,myself and a friend were walking down the hall to her room. While walking down the hall we hear a resident calling for help, help me , help me. My mom says to the closed door No! There was a long pause from the resident behind the door then an answer B**ch, my mom turns to my friend and says well takes one to know one! Both my friend and I laughed. We did stop by the nurses station to get help for the resident on the way out. No worries!

I've been watching for the last 30 minutes the reality show: "BuyingNaked". This is the first time I've watched the show. While watching it, my father has been on the roll complaining about everything. That episode ended, and a new one started.

Just as I'm getting to turn the channel, he said, "Hey, I saw 2 ladies naked. I think I saw them naked. It looked liked they were naked. I tried to see and it changed." I had to explain at least twice that they ARE walking around naked. Everyone living there goes around naked.

He said, "Oh, good. I thought there was something wrong with my eyes."

My mother picked out a few Valentines to give out. As she was in a testy mood, I just got them without questioning. When I got back home, I looked them over and found that one of them said, "To my darling wife." I brought it over to my father and told him that he should give it to her on Valentine's Day, and tucked it away for him. So, my mother bought her own Valentine and will never even remember it.

I signed us up for a Mindfulness Meditation Class, hoping it would help us cope with memory and cognitive issues. My mother was very excited about it, and as we walked in asked me to tell her more about our "medication class"....

Toss up, first the other night while she was on the bedside commode for an hour she composed a poem "Ode to a Commode." A close second was when I told her our favorite band is starting to plan a trip to Australia with some of their fans who want to go. She said "Okay you get X number of dollars when I die, put it savings don't touch it and then use it for the trip, just take some of my ashes along so I can say I finally went to Australia." Third She told the author of her favorite novel Outlander that she guessed she'd have to stay alive until July when the new Outlander novel comes out because she'll be pissed if it comes out after she's dead.

We recently moved in my 91yr. old MIL from a retirement community. One day while visiting her there she confided to me that someone had stolen all her panties from the laundry room and replaced them with ones that must belong to "some fat lady" .(she is 96 pounds).A few weeks later she cheerfully informed me that her 97yr.old tablemate was quarantined to his room because he had syphilis. It was CELLULITIS. While we were moving her in she came down with a cold and ended up in the hospital for a few days. A nurse commented how nice it was that she was moving in with her son. She replied, "Well he was hell on wheels when he was younger, so it's payback time!" Which is true- we all had a good laugh about this when the nurses told us. Love this little lady-she keeps us laughing!

Funniest thing my mum said to me the other day was "im beginning to wonder if you are right in the head?"!!!!! maybe im not?

mom has been watching the Olympics with me. She was never into sports. She has loved the figure skating, gets sad when they fall, really into it. Yesterday we were watching ice hockey and she said "How do they keep that large white floor clean with those boys running all over it?"

My mom was always a funny person. As she's started losing her memory, her filters are leaving her. She has become much more blunt and there's no question by the look on her face whether she likes something or not. This causes lots of funny responses.

But the other day, I took her to be interviewed at the local Memory Clinic and the looks on face at some of the things they suggested she might do and their responses -- all were so priceless.

They were suggesting different activities to her and when they mentioning "cooking classes" the most sour horrible look came over her face and she was REALLY glaring at them. It was pretty funny and I had to explain to her that no-one was going to make her cook. She then just looked so relieved -- all of us, including her, got kind of a laugh about that.

I got one, but it's not from my mom; it's from my dad who died in the hospital after a short stay there with congestive heart failure. They stuck him in a hospice room at the end of the hall, and I couldn't believe it when there was a picture RIGHT NEXT TO HIS BED stating it was a hospice room! (thanks for letting him know, guys...) - anyhow the nurse came in, and here's dad, lucid and sharp as a tack, and kind as ever. And she asked him, "How are you, Mr. V?" Dad answered, "How are YOU today, my dear?"... she smiled and said ok thank you... and again asked him how he was. His reply? "Can you believe I just bought a brand new Corolla 6 months ago... it has less than 1000 miles on it and I never got to drive it!" Dad had a great sense of humor and said this while laughing. He was dead that night.

I have to add this. It's not what she said, but it is one of my good memories. My bf had purchased, for my mother, 2 tickets for her and I to attend a play. It was some sort of opera here in town. We get there, both kind of groaning about going, (this was my dad's kind of thing; not ours) and do you know we found seats in the middle front row and the curtains open. This balding, portly guy comes out in TIGHTS singing and bellowing his heart out, and he is staring (seemingly) right at her and me. Naturally, given the fact that neither one of us had an appreciation for the opera, (and the room is DEAD QUIET and full) she starts to giggle. She can't control it. It is totally contagious; I am now sitting there shaking and turning red with tears in my eyes and I felt like I had regressed back into the classroom where someone farts and the teacher is going to give detention to the first laugher. We couldn't stay. After he took his eyes off us (agitated) and carried on with his song/thing, we had to get up after about 5 minutes and try to slip out the back. But there was no slipping out.... we had to walk out in front of the entire audience with our hands over our mouths.

Got another. Mom calls me at least 1x a week because "The TV says NO SIGNAL!" (she doesn't have the cable box on) or "I can't shut it off!" One time she had called, and I was busy making dinner, so I tried to explain to hit the CBL button and then the POWER button to make it go on. I heard shuffling about, and then I hear her from a distance yelling, "Hello? Hello???" She was yelling into the remote and trying to push the buttons on the phone to make the TV work. You gotta laugh. :)

Last night I muttered about feeding the DAMN dog. ( miniature french poodle, 5 yrs old and never housebroken...um, I hate him) Mom turns to the dog and says " Did you hear that puppy? Boni called you a GRAND dog!" I said, "No Mom, I said DAMN dog". Her reply...."you hear what you want and I'll hear what I want" I lmao!

when my mother only had days to live and was hallucinating badly i took a ride to a nearby town to get her a haldol injection. it seems that while i was gone mom was wild - eyedly telling the hospice social councillor that they needed to get me in to the va shrink. she told monty " i KNOW im crazy but hes crazier " .
lol, @ boni,
turn on the garbage disposal and give that " rat on acid " a nice slippery bubble bath..