What is the funniest thing your aging parent has said to you lately?

Mom's been calling me a lot today but as usual when I go to her she doesn't know what she wants. Finally I said "OK, I'll wave my magic wand to make you happy" and waved my arm around. Mom says "did it work?" (sigh)

Lol, Cwillie, she is funny!
Do you think she wants some of he trick or treat candy?

At my mom's 93rd birthday dinner she asked how old she was - when I told her 93 she said she couldn't possibly be that old
So I turned to my brother and asked her how old she thought he was?
She said in his 50s - I said guess again
When he today her he was 73 - she said "good god you're almost 3/4 of a century!" 🙀🙀🙀🙀🙀

My dad is at the repetitive stage. He talks non-stop with the same subject over and over. I've learned to tune him out. His latest thing is that someone in the bank is stealing his money. Or some strange man is taking his hidden money in the house. Tonight, he's including how hungry he is - even when sis and I already gave him sustenance. He's now back to the bank stealing his money. You get the gist. It's a vicious circle of the same subjects, over and over, for weeks now.

I suddenly tuned into his mumblings....
Dad,"...mumble, mumble, bank stealing my money... hungry... hey!.. hungry.... hey!..."
In frustration, he said loudly, "I want to go home!...aye yai yai! I AM home!"

I sleep on couch in mom's living room and take care of her 24/7. Sometimes she calls me on my cell from her bedroom saying "I figure you you wouldn't have to walk so far" she lives in a small apt, it's about 6 ft to her bedroom!!

Dad's been nonstop talking. He's been 'trying' to sleep since 10:00pm but his mouth is not cooperating. It's now 12:41am. Suddenly, he angrily yelled, "Shut up! I'm trying to sleep!"

We had some left over linoleum from our recent flooring update so I put some on the work benches in my wife's barn. Made a nice work surface. I was talking to Dad on the phone and I'm always trying to find some conversation (Dads 86 with dementia coming on more each year) other than having the same conversation over and over, so I told him about putting the linoleum in J A's barn. He replied, "So you moving her in down there, huh....Don't blame ya". Still a wise-ass!

Bookluvr
It used to drive me bonkers when my mom would talk nonstop
Since she is hard of hearing she would often sit in one room and call out my name but couldn't hear when I would reply - what?
So I would have to stop what I was doing and go see what she wanted with her usually saying - I just wanted to know where you were 🙄

Last year around this time we took our last road trip from so cal to Vegas -
5 hours or more depending on traffic and rest stops
Whether she was excited to get out of the house or prescient that this would be her last trip (she had a bad fall 2 weeks later) she yacked the whole way there - finally noting - gee I talk a lot - I'm good company - aren't I?

I've been noticing lately that dad gets more confused when it's late at night or early morning. Out of the blue, he asked, "What time does school start?" I was trying to figure out how to respond, when he asked the question again. So, I said that I don't know when it starts.

A brief pause. Then he stated firmly, "I'm not going to school tomorrow."
I said, "Okay."

Mom's can be seemingly so sweet and innocent and then in a moment be a kick in the pants! We were all standing out in front on a lawn covered levi at Easter one year and we all were lined up for a photo, my sister pressed the trigger to run back to be line-up... and what does my mom say in line-up at that moment...no, 'not say cheese' but...NOBODY STEP IN THE DOG SH#$! We all fell out laughing so hard... apparently the retrievers next door had been taking care of biz earlier.

Dad is always hungry... and forgetful. Lately, he's been saying that we're starving him or that he didn't eat dinner yet. My niece was here when the nurse did their home visit.

Dad said to the nurse, "I'm hungry and she's not giving me food."
Nurse response, "You're not being fed?"
Dad totally said yes to that question.
During that conversation, the nurse had raised her eyebrows and was looking at the food dad was holding.

Decided to have tacos for a late night snack at mom's memory care tonight and picked up a box from a local stand that's been around for almost as long as me

Mom has a little trouble chewing meat and pulls out a piece of the shredded beef and says look - there's a worm in my taco 🐛🌮

That reminds me of a time when we were eating at a restaurant with my aunt, this was back in the days when salad bars were new and trendy. Aunt looks down at a mixed green salad that had tiny salad sized shrimp in it and gasped "there are grubs in that salad!!" Well they do kind of look similar... LOL

I was helping mother sort her pills one day and she had one huge one that I said "what in the world is that? you could choke on it!" "Oh, that's my calcium. I can't not take that! That's why my bones are in such good shape!" I looked at this poor thing, bent in half with osteoporosis (dr said putting her new hip in was like screwing the pins into chalk) and didn't comment. I don't know if she was being funny or really thinks she has the bone density of a 16 yo.

My mom was living in Assisted Living was in the ER with a UTI. The Doctor comes in and asks my mom what's bothering her today. My mom goes on to say that her her table mates (the three women who sit together at meals) don't eat their vegetables and they don't eat everything on their plate. The doctor looks at me and we both had to struggle not to laugh. Then as time went on,my mom told me she wasn't going to work tomorrow, and I should call to let them know she wouldn't be in.

My dad doesn't like to be alone by himself despite my turning on the TV or the radio. Within 5 minutes being alone, he will continually call our names, on and on. I hate rushing to shower because of this. Tonight, I repeatedly told him slowly that I'm going to shower. No need to keep calling. I will be showering.

My final words, "Remember, I'm going to shower."
Dad got this mischievous look and replied, "Do you want me to scrub your back?"
I was grossed out and said, "Eeww!"
He started laughing....

In response to my 69 year old brother going deer hunting which he has done for 50 years now and my 87 year old mother did not want him to go (He has no business going; He's going to get shot) when I explained to her that I thought it would do him good to get away with his buddies (he's not in the best of health either) she then said, "Well, I told him he shouldn't be going. I don't know why he won't mind!" I nearly fell over! She honestly thinks of her senior citizen adult children in terms of "minding" her. I told my brother and now we have a good laugh telling each other that we should "be minding"!

Lara
My 73 year old brother doesn't mind my 93 year old mom either - she still says he drives her crazy

Oh, gosh, mother again. I asked her to come to my house for Tgiving dinner, I am only having 5 people over. She hemmed and hawed and I said "what's the problem Mom, we can get you up the 6 stairs." "Well," she said, "I really want Eric to ask me. They have the twins and I never see them." (My niece had twin boys 5 months ago, via IVF (try explaining the dynamics of IVC to an 87 yo woman---just don't!) So I called my brother as I knew he was not planning on having mother this year. He sighed, hugely and deeply and said "She's been here every year for 4 years" I told him that wasn't MY problem, and said I was sorry we didn't have any twins to trot out for her. I did tell my daughter (the one whose family is coming over and she busted out laughing "MY kids aren't a big enough draw?? They're AWESOME!!" Yep, and they're loud and my mom knows it. No worries, brother does all the cooking and mom isn't likely to see the twins during the holidays so this can count as their "visit". The filter is very thin with her.

I gave dad 2 small pieces of Reese's Peanut Butter Mini Cups.
Afterwards, he said firmly, "Those candies are no good for you."
Puzzling over that comment, I realized what he was up to.
I asked, "Why is it no good for me?"
As he was thinking it over, I exclaimed, "You just want the whole candy for yourself!!"
He started laughing.

While taking my mother shopping, she commented about how a cell phone tower was all decorated for the Christmas holiday.

The funniest thing that my husband said to me was asking the same question four times in less then 5 minutes . " What day is this ? " I said Thursday . ( 2 min. later ) What day is this ? I said Thursday . Less then 2 min. WHAT DAY IS THIS ? I said Thursday !( becoming impatient ) ... What's the matter with you ?? He looks at me says " Nothing's the matter with ME ,you're the one who said it four times! "

Mom,96 with dementia, was watching TV with me. An ad for Monster Jam came on with all the roaring motors and the cars and trucks bouncing all over. At the end she looked over at me and said "What the h*ll was that?"

My siblings and I have been trying to reason with Mom not to go down her cellar We are worried she will fall but she insists she is fine. This is really pissing off my sister who is not a patient person and hates being told no.

So, today I was visiting my folks and I went down to do some laundry. I could not stay long enough for the dryer to finish so I told Mom I was going to dry the clothes on hangers upstairs. I was worried she would try and go down to get them after I left. Mom said with a scowl "Oh I'm not allowed to do THAT anymore, I'll get 60 lashes if I do!" I started to laugh and then Mom cracked up too. it was a nice moment.

Trying, that's just too funny. My mom would have said "10 lashes with a wet noodle" - a popular saying in our family.

My ex-husband's mother lived with us until he moved on to "greener pastures" with another woman, forcing her to move in with her other children. She was in her 70's, diabetic and had poor balance, but darn if she wasn't forever getting up on chairs to put something on the wall or put something away in a cabinet. She was spry, but she scared the heck out of me.

My FIL's dementia has been getting worse lately and he says some doozie's. Yesterday in the living room he sat in his usual place and looked at the floor. "What the heck is that thing?"
Husband and I look around but see nothing amiss. "What thing?"
"That thing. That black thing there."
Husband: "You mean the dog?"
"I don't know what the heck that is, but it's not a dog."
"Don't you remember Cate? Cate's a dog."
"That's not a dog."
"She is a dog. She's a poodle."
"Poodle?" He looked like he was starting to get it.
"You remember Cate, right?"
"I remember Cate. But what the heck is that?"
He'd just awakened from a sleep, so this was unusually bad for him. An hour later, he was giving Cate pets, but Lord knows what he thought he was petting.

This column has to become a regular feature! I laughed until I cried, which I needed during this stressful time. My mother believed the proper fit of "foundations" was critically important. Her last words to me were, "My, your bra is magnificent". I still laugh about it. And...because she died at Christmas time her minister asked if he could include a prayer for the holidays. When he intoned that Mom was having Christmas with the King, our daughter exclaimed, "Grandma's having Christmas with Elvis!" That certainly broke the tension.

Some years ago my mother's parents from PA were visiting us (mother, father, sister and I) in NJ for the holidays. A few of us were watching TV one evening when my grandfather got up and said "Well, I guess I'll go to bed." I laughed, and said out loud "Now WHO goes to bed ten minutes before midnight...on New Year's Eve?" I figured one either ignores the occasion and goes to bed earlier (which I often do) or stays up to midnight to see the new year in!

When my father was 96 years old he needed to go to a rehab facility.  The rehab was at the Jewish Home for the Aging. He wasn't very happy about going there.  He told me he didn't think he was going like being Jewish. He was Catholic.

Oh I got one. My mom just started to use depends. The other night she asked me why do I have 2 different kinds? I said you don't. She said yes I have one with two holes to put your legs in and one with one hole to put over your head. I said show me. She raised her shirt and put her arms in the legs and had cut open the bottom with scissors and put it over her head. She wanted to know how it was going to catch her urine? I laughed so hard after I helped her out of it and got her straighten out. She still insist there are two different kind.